The Zamboni
Page 6
November 16, 2009
The Evolution of Music Music evolves just like animals do, but with a lot less sex and a lot more singing about how desperately you want to have sex. Here is a timeline of sorts that describes the evolution of music.
2700,000 B.C. Early Homo neanderthalensis enjoys listening to rain on roof of cave, long walks on mountain.
30 A.D. Crucifixion victims form a chorus, sing a jaunty, uplifting tune concerning optimism and one’s final snuffing.
4,000 B.C. In the Garden of Eden, Adam’s shrieks at his own pale, incredibly disgusting nudity are mistaken by Eve for the first vocal solo. This was later used by the band Mohinder for their album “Mission 7”.
1723 A.D. Antonio Vivaldi composes “Le Quattro Staggione”, but due to his failure to maintain his copyright on his work he doesn’t collect a penny when “Spring” becomes the most popular ringtone of the late 1990s.
800 A.D. Arab scholar alFarabi writes the “Great Book of Music”, a book whose authorship was later erroneously attributed to Cat Stevens.