SELENA MARTINEZ, DC ’22 AND PERRY FALK, SM ’20
Top Five Things to Do When You Have an Adulterous Get dishonorably discharged for desertion, you Thought 5. little coward. Enlist in one of our honorable Military branches
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Remove anything that reminds you of adultery in your dorm room, starting with that movie poster of Mr. and Mrs. Smith (Recall the injustice done to Jennifer Aniston?)
Indulge in one of your other vices. For me, it’s cowardice.
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Watch Bill Clinton’s impeachment proceeding in its entirety. Watch it again.
Excuse You, But I’m Only 1/3 White
I
am sick and tired of being referred to as a “white man” or “caucasian person.” People are all like, “but you are white.” Well sorry folks, I know this news will come as a disappointment, since you love to go around telling all your friends about how I am white. I hate to break it to you, but technically I am only 1/3 white.
estuary ancestors than my Great-Uncle Gerald on my dad’s side. If labels must be used when you talk about me, please use the more accurate “Hydro-Caucasoid” or “Euro-Aqueous.”
Whether intentional or not, accuracy is important. You wouldn’t call a hamburger a loaf of bread. So, the next time you point out a The other 2/3 is water. person of the Hydro-Caucasoid persuasion to your friends, please don’t call him white. I am proud of my oceanic roots. In fact, I It’s common courtesy. would say I am much more proud of my
HARRY RUBIN, TD ’21