THE PUBLICATION Autumn 2023
Introduction Hey everyone, welcome back to The Publication, the school’s most beloved and original magazine. We’d firstly like to introduce the team!
Selin
Amalia
Amelia
Clelia
Alice
Mr Joyce
CONTENTS PAGE 4 Drought - Maddie Tyrer
PAGE 5
AI interview on Wycombe
PAGE 6
A brand new balm shell enters the villa
PAGE 7 Alice Rothwell’s Amalgamation of Words
PAGE 9 This is probably wrong, but...
PAGE 11
Horoscopes
PAGE 12 The Great Scone Debate
PAGE 15 Agony Aunt
PAGE 16 Unpopular Opinions
PAGE 18 Mr Joyce, please could you turn the subtitles on?
PAGE 20
Teacher Interview
PAGE 22 Mr Murphy’s Cryptic Crossword
Drought Rose tinted glasses are useless inside a beige world. Dapples of light in a forest are hopeless, When the leaves of the trees are already furled The portrait fades from green to black, Of the once flourishing landscape The lungs you need begin to crack ; As the pressure gets too great Why would what we want come to us When what we need is scarcely there ? How can you swim in a world of greatness When you cant come up for air ? The world turns pale and dry, Like its been smothered by the sun No one wants to look to the sky And see the barren clouds that hang.
Maddie Tyrer
Interview with ChatGPT Have you ever wondered what Chat GPT thinks of Wycombe? Here are the honest answers (and no the school did not pay me to put this here): What is a Wycombe Abbey girl like? A Wycombe Abbey School girl embodies a commitment to academic excellence, ambition, and holistic development. Known for a strong work ethic, she actively engages in diverse extracurricular activities, showcasing her talents beyond the classroom. Encouraged to be well-rounded, she appreciates the arts, sports, and embraces a global perspective. The school fosters qualities such as leadership, resilience, and social responsibility, contributing to the development of confident and articulate young women poised for success in various fields. What does a typical Wycombe Abbey girl look like?
What do you think of the fact that most Wycombe Abbey students have used you for their prep (be honest!!): Well, it seems like the secret weapon at Wycombe Abbey is no longer a photographic memory but a keyboard and some virtual wisdom. Who needs ancient tomes and dusty libraries when you have a digital sidekick? I can almost hear it now, "Oh, you spent hours at the library? How quaint. I just had a heart-toheart with my AI over tea." Just remember, in the future, when they hand out diplomas, they might need to add a small footnote: "Powered by ChatGPT, with a dash of student ingenuity."
BY SELIN
A NEW BALM-SHELL ENTERS THE VILLA... It’s the holiday season, and we know these luscious lip balms are on everybody’s Christmas list this year! But with a range as long as your teams assignments page, it can difficult to choose which one is perfect for you. Especially with the recent release of the holiday specials – hot cocoa and cookie butter! At £14, these can seem like quite the investment, but we assure you they are worth the hype and will barely scrape your trust fund. OUR RANKINGS: 1. Hot cocoa (the #1.) 2. Cookie butter (not edible! We know from experience…) 3. Birthday (just takes the cake) 4. Mango (tropical, exotic, sun-kissed) 5. Mint (cool, refreshing, but in this weather?) 6. Coconut (simple, classic, maybe even plain) 7. Wild fig (you’re not as different as you think you are) 8. Rose (makes you feel like gangsta granny) 9. Berry (you’re not 5, are you?) 10. Lavender (more like regular granny)
BY CLELIA AND AMALIA
Alice Rothwell’s Amalgamation of Words Upon first read, Emily Dickinson’s succinct and somewhat cryptic mediation on ‘Autumn’ might appear to explore little about the season beyond the visual maturation of her environment. Thus the question why has Alice Rothwell chosen to comment on this particular poem, considering that Emily Dickinson’s oeuvre has no shortage of autumnal themed work, and that Dickinson is by no means the only individual who has crafted her seasonal musings into poetry - is absolutely apt. My response would be that I find it targets a major tenet of the human relationship to the season, the natural world and temporal progression. Nuts, fruit and sky all seem to progress at the same pace, giving a beautiful and perplexing display of earthly unity. In a playful and endearing employment of anthropomorphism, she describes ‘rose’ as ‘out of town’ - I like to believe the rose has travelled abroad to live out the richness of autumn in a cosmopolitan city, potentially Paris or Vienna (in the New Year, this rose might return to Dickinson’s ‘town’ - Amherst, Massachusetts’). Likewise, ‘the maple wears a gayer scarf’ and ‘the field wears a scarlet gown’. Her lexicon here is strategic, using the same initials for the garments of the ‘maple’ and the ‘field’ to encapsulate the harmonious, correlated changes that nature is undergoing. Her final couplet breaches the poem’s simplicity and aesthetic completion - breaking from anaphora and near-parallel syntax as her words shift focus from nature to woman. Dickinson admits to her own misalignment with the movement of the season, consciously putting ‘a trinket on’ to adjust her external appearance to suit the brilliance and maturity she now identifies in her natural surroundings. She closes with a note of sarcasm, mocking her own unpreparedness for this coming of autumn, and subtle acknowledgement of the fact that we people will not always feel ready for the commencement of a new era, but must construct and put on a guise of readiness - much like a ‘gown’, scarf’ or ‘trinket’. All in all, Dickinson conveys her deepseated appreciation for nature’s dynamism and continual progression through its seasonal cycles, in classic Dickinson fashion.
quivering in jaded panic , shafts of grass bend into interlinking arabesques, whisper thin stems diverge , elevating a host crimson beads it is natures candelabra.
On Sighting a Eurasian Jay It descends upon the fence in a swift movement of disjointed fluidity, flashing the jade stripe beneath a wing. It flits between the ledge of the brick wall and the rim of the plant pot. It observes me indifferently, our eyes do not metaphysically mesh. In its steely, jolting gaze I see no acknowledgement that this very square of space might be for me, the site of growth and pain, bedded with rich sentiment, wedded to memory. The jay flies away, leaving me alone (once again) eyes on an empty garden. ‘Garden’ - stone-paved personal region, scattered with dying floral decorations, pseudo-natural extension of my emotional residence. I imagine its disjointed fluidity upon landing in someone else’s square of space, then I imagine its escalation (once again) into unnavigable vastness - sky. The Eurasian Jay deserted my garden, this monochromatic mosaic, no knowledge nor feeling derived from those finite minutes spent within its parameters. No conception that this sighting evoked creativity and that this creativity manifested in linguistic construction, infused with coded concept.
Four (non-seasonal) recommendations
This is probably wrong, but... Mr Lenton Want to save face? Use a preface!
While not exactly hashtag-worthy or even sticker-on-laptop-worthy, I’m pretty sure this advice has been doing the rounds around the world of Wycombe for quite some time, whether consciously expressed or not.
Picture the scene: a teacher poses a question, eagerly inviting contributions. Hands are raised. There is a slight pause, as more are invited to join the party. This is looking promising. Just imagine the ideas that are about to be expressed! The teacher makes their choice, the spotlight shining on the chosen one. She looks up and begins:
‘This is probably wrong, but…’
Inwardly, the teacher sighs.
As the discussion progresses, some variation is sprinkled into the mix: ‘I’m not sure if this is right, but…’
‘I know this might be a bit of a stretch, but…’
But, what? Those ‘buts’ are doing some rather heavy lifting, given the words preceding them - words that preface contributions so that the defence of oneself has been neatly slotted in, just in case the next words fail to live up to their potential.
Perhaps I’m the only one but…has anyone else noticed the prevalence of these prefaces? While humility can be an honourable trait, such phrasing surely risks being labelled false humility, if not self-deprecation – values that, as yet, are not vying with trust, encouragement and mutual respect for a place on the poster.
So, why do we do it? Why can’t we share our thoughts without qualifying them first? Why do we need to question whether people will find our comments worthy?
I would like to lay a challenge before you: contribute with conviction.
Arrogance is not a desirable trait, nor should we ever use our words to demean and diminish others, but let us not shy away from having conviction in our ideas. Let us be bold and proclaim what we think, confident that we do in fact know what we are talking about if we have taken the time to think things through.
Let us pause, ponder and propose without fear. For – and this is the key point – to be people who contribute with conviction, we also need to be people who listen with sensitivity. We need to be people who seek to collaborate, not compete, so that we feel safe to share, safe in the knowledge that we are learning together and that we do not need to be shy to say what we think.
Words are wonderful things, use yours wisely!
HOROSCOPES Aquarius - Mr. Fitzgerald will complain about your insolent behaviour to your housemistress. Make sure you’re holding the doors for the young ‘uns, you never know when someone is watching… Aries – Beware… Mr. Wildgoose might catch you taking a panini when it’s not your day! MSDR really isn’t that bad (we know the yoghurt’s a bit lumpy, but at least you’ll get to sit down.) Capricorn – It’s your lucky day! Miss. Stevens won’t tell you off for wearing your muddy trainers in the sports hall this week. But wear the right socks, your trackies won’t be there to hide them! Gemini - Mrs. Gee will catch you skipping house games when you said you went to med centre. Show some house spirit, you might not even come last. Leo - The next time Mr Wildgoose tells you to tie your hair up it will be a detention. Stay safe! Don’t wear those hoops. We know they’re very fabulous, but they’re also very noticeable. Taurus - Watch out for Scorpio, they’re still bitter about the missing birthday present. Don’t worry though, your next chemistry test will be a carbon copy (pun intended) of last year’s paper, so find your house mother ASAP. Scorpio - Your stocking will be filled with coal if you don’t hand that late prep in. Your popularity may be going up but that prep grade will be going down. Libra - The sun may not be shining, but your Swarovski diamonds will be! (we know reading more than one sentence can be tough, take it easy sweetie) Cancer - Tread delicately where family is concerned. Your Paris shopping plans are about to meet their disapproval if you don’t meet their academic expectations – a 7’s not gonna cut it. Pisces - Parties, social gatherings and festive events offer you a great opportunity to get to know other people better. But we doubt you will be doing any socialising this Christmas, right Pisces? Sagittarius – Go to that careers spotlight. It might open some much-needed doors. Virgo – We already respect you enough, you don’t need to always be in charge (stop trying the lead the lacrosse warm-up, Miss. Smith really doesn’t care)
THE GREAT SCONE DEBATE PREFACE Should the word scone rhyme with ‘gone’ or ‘cone’? This debate has been going on form as long (if not longer) as the debate on the order in which we should layer the cream and the jam. I must say that I personally always go for the cream first. Butter or jam first? Butter, right? So why should we change the order with scones and cream? It has been confirmed that the Queen herself pronounced it ‘skon,’ the ultimate proof that this is the one true way to pronounce this English delicacy. We have all heard the almost overused argument for scone to rhyme with cone. And why shouldn’t it? The only things that have changed is an extra letter at the start. But here is what we (the firm believers of ‘skon’ supremacy) have to say. If they did rhyme, then the pronunciation would make sense, but when has English ever made sense? I am, I was, I will be? No, English has never made sense and it’s not just about to change for one word: scone – pronounced ‘skon.’ -
The Case for Devon Ah, the age-old scone – or is it scohne? – argument. The controversy surrounding the order in which one should spread the cream and jam has divided the West Country for centuries. I am an expert witness of this divide, having grown up on the SomersetDevon border and attended a school with many Cornish-hailing peers. Down in the Southwest, we eat and breathe scones: we bake them regularly in Cookery classes and devour them during match teas. “Cream or jam first?” is a favourite motion amongst debating societies and produces oratorical prowess to rival that of Cicero. In UIII, I wrote an autobiographical piece about my grandparents treating me to – you guessed it – a cream tea. “But which way is the right way?”, you may be asking. Some of you will already know the truth. Dear readers, there is only one way, and it looks like this: Perfection. A thick layer of cream acts like butter, laying the foundation for the oh-sosweet jam that rests patiently on top as it eagerly awaits consumption. Cream and then jam. It just sounds right, doesn’t it? Like “cheese and wine,” “fish and chips, “Simon and Garfunkel.” Need I say more? Perhaps not, but I feel compelled to warn readers of some of the grave risks of doing it differently. If not supported by the sturdy cream, the jam could 1) soak into the scone or over-mingle with the cream, leading to a devastating loss of flavour; 2)leak out and drip down the sides of the scone, making a mess – a most undesirable outcome of a cream tea. Oops. Passion, rage, patriotism: these feelings overwhelm me as I write. Dear readers, “cream vs jam” is so much more than a debate: it is about culture, community, identity. Nothing has been the same since Mr Joyce entered the T-Block office and blasphemously voiced his support for doing it the other way round. Please, help him see sense. Miss Pemberton
The Case for Cornwall Like Virginia Woolf’s romantic memories of happy childhoods in St Ives, so powerfully transposed into To the Lighthouse, I too had some fantastic, unforgettable summers in Cornwall. For this reason, although I can’t recall it clearly, I must have become accustomed to the sight of a scone, followed by jam, followed by cream, as the natural way of things. (My mother always complained of the awful weather of Devon, the overrated cider, the inferior beaches, and a general sense of Devon being at fault for simply not being Cornwall as the reason that we never holidayed there.) Now, after that gratuitous Devon-bashing, to tackle the scone debate head-on. There are very sound arguments on the Cornish side: spreading a thin layer of jam first allows for a more generous, structural dollop of clotted cream, which is then the first taste-sensation, whereas the Devon method can lead to an unattractive running of the jam off the cream mountain and onto the plate. Indeed, the late Queen Elizabeth II was a fan of jam first, then cream – a nod to the eldest male son of the monarch, Prince of Wales also holding the Duchy of Cornwall as part of his estates and titles.
The Devon arguments have won over Chat GPT, which responded to the question: ‘Jam first or cream on a scone?’ with this feeble effort: ‘I think it's because the cream acts as a base, allowing the jam to spread more easily and making for a smoother overall taste.’ I’m not sure in fact that jam plonked on a mound of cream is in fact easier to spread and have always found the ‘you’ll make the nice warm scone soggy by spreading jam first’ comically unconvincing: what a lovely way to subtly perfume the sweet, doughy, fluffy scone itself by allowing the jam to slowly seep down. Though, this is not a rational argument. Like Brexit, or loyalty to one’s football club, it’s emotional: the image of a dollop of jam on top of cream just looks wrong to me. I respect the force, if not the logic and persuasiveness, of Devon’s case. This is a really a wider argument about which is the better county, and there is little debate here. I cannot fathom why out of laziness or parental reluctance to drive 60-120 minutes more on the A30, one would favour Devon rather than the majestic Cornwall. The site of King Arthur’s Tintagel, the county with its own Brythonic language, the county of Poldark, of Daphne du Maurier, of John le Carre, of Fistral Beach, of Land’s End, of Woolf’s own beloved St Ives! The very name ‘Cornwall’ conjures such powerful memories for me that even if I felt cream second on a scone were questionable, I would still, out of deep loyalty and admiration for this magnificent county, come down on their side of the great debate. Jam first, then cream, is the Cornish way and thus the true British way. Mr. Joyce
Agony Aunt Got a problem... give us a line!
I’m in love with my friend’s ex Don’t be. Trust me. I’m talking to a fit Man City player but my mum would never approve Convince her he’s changing teams next season. I’m being overly enriched as a sixth former Oxbridge doesn’t care Got ghosted, blanked in person, texted an apology and then ghosted again Try his mum’s number?
My mum went on a walk with her boyfriend instead Oops! That’s awkward... hopefully the boyfriend of coming to watch my is nice. England lacrosse selections
I’ve left my friend from my old school on opened for two months Sticky one. Hit her with a “Merry Christmas” My online boyfriend from Colombia just told me he’s moving to London Tell him you’re moving to Colombia
big school was better before Chicken Katsu is overrated people need to get less woke
The chicken fingers are gross Tangled isn’t a good film Prep is helpful hunter’s chicken is good
floor time is the best time
Unpopular Opinions apple music is better than spotify Opinion is really the lowest form of human knowledge.
waffles are better than pancakes new year’s eve is overrated different brands of water taste different driving age should be increased to about 20
being able to 2x speed tiktoks is the best thing to have happened to the app
Jaffa Cakes suck - I don’t care if they’re a cake or a biscuit
movies are too long
Mr Joyce, please could you turn the subtitles on?
This question, now an almost daily one, has caused me a great deal of amusement in recent weeks. When it was first asked a few years ago it was met with bemusement on my part. How about listening to what is being said, I would say sarcastically to myself! However, when it is posed in the current day, I have taken the opportunity to have an impromptu discussion with my groups, and after five minutes of reasonably fruitful banter, we effectively agree to disagree: necessary (Gen Z) vs not really necessary (Millennial). It is indeed perhaps a generational thing: so many videos on TikTok and other social media platforms come with subtitles at the bottom, so we have become completely used to this as a default. But something deeper bothers me about the posing of the question that is the title of this piece, because I think it can be linked to an increasing need as a classroom teacher to repeat oral instructions at least four times. Have we lost our ability to listen, with real focus? Be honest: how many of you find it slightly disconcerting in the cinema that there are no subtitles? At least, I think that’s still the current default. Both Chapel and Big School contain numerous screens down the side, which are fantastically useful for viewing video content, seeing the words to hymns and prayers etc... But is this a further nod to a younger generation expectant of visual content? Do we zone out when the speaker makes some off-the-cuff oral comments – unaccompanied by text?
How retro would it now be to have a Chapel speaker giving a talk with no accompanying video whatsoever? Listening to, and processing, information heard rather than seen is a really important life skill: Zoom university interviews and job interviews, for example, or challenging or threatening situations when aggressive words may have been uttered. Whilst there is some interesting research to support the idea that subtitles help with comprehension and reading ability, I tend to find these arguments slightly unconvincing, especially when the case is made that subtitles help to ground the viewer in the viewing experience. Here, surely, the case is taken too far. If something is slightly mumbled by a character, isn’t it a good thing for the brain to try to process this information, to contextualize it, and therefore to discern what might have been said, rather than for that cognitive process to have already been done for you? Obviously, it must be stressed that this is a whimsical piece of writing and not in any way an insensitive attack on those hard of hearing, or indeed those for whom English is a second language. Politely requesting subtitles is necessary and reasonable in these circumstances. #deaftiktok is a real thing, and an admirable one, but I doubt our own preferences are primarily based on such solidarity. However, the next time Netflix loads subtitles automatically based on your previous settings, but you find yourself in fact alone, with no sound distractions or reasons for subtitles, why not give the unadorned option a go? I promise you that the experience might even become addictive: you will be forced to listen more carefully, you will be more immersed in the experience, and your viewing pleasure will be enhanced because you will be fully present in the moment. And the next time a teacher loads a piece of video content, just pause and allow them to turn up the audio settings before you throw in the towel after four seconds and pose the inevitable question...
Miss Pemberton
Teacher interview by Amelia Sallybanks and Maddie Tyrer
How have you found your first term? What is the main difference between Upper 3's and Undergrads?
I’ve loved my first term at Wycombe Abbey, all of the staff and all of the pupils are friendly and welcoming and I feel like I’ve settled in well. I’m an U3 tutor I don’t teach them but I’d say they have different needs, undergrads are usually a lot more independent. U3's have a huge step up and so do undergrads.
Is there any T block office tea?
What’s your favourite memory of the first term?
What is your MBTI?
No - we all get along fabulously! Playing Latin scrabble with the L6 (we had just had that lesson before the interview was conducted...)
ENFJ - a turbulent protagonist. Very feeling, I like to be in charge and I’m a bit chaotic.
Shout out another teacher Miss Wilson, she’s my work wife. She’s deputy head of JH so we do a lot of that you appreciate lower school things together
What is your response when someone tells you that Latin is a dead language?
If you had to join another department, what department would you want to join?
That’s a hard question… I’m going to have to say English because I love the T Block and I wouldn’t want to leave the office. (when asked about RS sharing the same office… she remained with the answer of English) For my lower school, place. It’s getting my dog to sit in the right place as soon as we enter a room. I’d love to do that with my L4s! For the Upper School, when they’re late to my lessons I would love a recall.
what’s a dog trick you want to teach your students?
what’s one talent you wish you had?
What’s your favourite Latin phrase? (that’s not Caecilius est in horto)
It is a dead language, but it’s alive in our hearts. They speak it in the Vatican and there is one radio show where they speak it. You say dead language as if it’s an insult, to me I think the fact that we get to study languages that are no longer spoken, but we bring them alive when we study them is a really powerful thing.
Piano. I wanted to play it but I got a scholarship to my senior school and I felt pressure to impress and they needed a tuba player. I didn’t know what it was but I said yes and it was bigger than me. I ended up playing the tuba more than I sang but 100% the piano.
Ooh, like a cliché. Carpe Diem - Seize the Day. It’s from Horace, Mrs Harrison’s favourite author. I think it’s important to try and seize every moment of the day and I’ve definitely found that in teaching. There’s also a Greek phrase, we think it’s from Delphi. Gnothi Seauton meaning Know Thyself.
Mr Murphy’s Cryptic Crossword
Publication Cryptic Crossword For those of you who haven’t been subjected to these in my lessons Cryptic Crosswords are a step up from normal “quick” crosswords. Each clue gives both a simple definition as well as a cryptic means of getting to that answer. Here are some examples of clues:
Down 1. Hannah or Bob, for example, whichever way you look at them. (10) Across 2. Don’t allow PE to make a 1.Arguing lead is Paul oddly mess on this corridor! (7) before a series of battles. (5) 3. Sound of a Parisian street 9. “Blue coat, hun? That’s with Scottish mountains? A upsetting and something I ‘quite good’ place. (6) wouldn’t want near me. (11) 4. Saint Arthur? Let’s shorten 10. Modern expression musical that for a… (5) “Olly” includes. (3) 5. It points to someone who swears on the radio. (6) 11. Rhinologist given to 6. Shakespearean confusion is someone keen on moneylender scared second Tweets. (13) row? (7) 12. Leer back at Scottish dance. 7. Abe’s origin found within by (4) those who were there first. 15. Oklahoma may be right (2) (10) 16. This Japanese company 8. Duncan, Wilkinson, Hall developed Bismuth, Iodine and dare cheetahs to reform. (11) Silicon. (10) 13. Thank you! To show 18. Maybe everyone should have disapproval is not the done thing. (5) initials to allow them to get 14. Salmon under some hot along? (4) ingredients is what you need 19. Arctic vehicle- there’s something cold on my phone! to begin with for this meal. (5) 15. I am musical, and so is this (10) hockey player. (6) 20. Running flowers? (7) 17. Also sounds like a pair… (3)
Anagrams Sometimes clues will have a word like “thrown” or “muddled” within them, which will imply that there is an anagram involved. E.g Sauce thrown at drums (7) In this, “thrown” suggests we throw around some letters- here, “at drums”, which gives us… Mustard, which is a sauce. Hidden clues Sometimes words are hidden within the clue itself; sometimes they are hidden backwards. Look out for “hidden” or “contains” Homophone Sometimes clues contain “we hear” or “on the radio” and this implies that you will need to look for a word spelt differently, but which sounds the same. E.g We hear not one abbey resident? (3) The answer here is “nun”, which sounds like “none”. Other types of clues If you see words like regularly, evenly, or oddly you may need to take out some letters from the clue to find your answer. Charade clues are very trickyyou have to take multiple clues and put them together for a whole answer. THINK LATERALLY!