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Andrew Luskin
The nation had been long overdue for a molestation scandal, and fate finally complied. Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky, known for his autobiography Touched, was indicted after abusing at least nine boys in the team’s locker room. Both the university president and the head football coach, Joe Paterno, were fired for covering up the allegations and allowing the abuse to continue. In support of Paterno, students took to the street, setting fires and flipping news vans. They wouldn’t protest war or poverty, but when their school fired a coach for allowing child molestation, the students found their voice. Campus activism isn’t dead; it’s just a little uncomfortable. The Zetas are Mexico’s most feared crime syndicate, known to be merciless and shorttempered. People who stand up to the Zetas do so with the knowledge that they are putting their lives, and the lives of their families, at great risk. Police can do nothing; cities quiver and fall in their shadow. Sometimes, however, we find heroes in the most unlikely places. When an innocent girl was kidnapped in broad daylight, a brave group of trolls groaned, lifted themselves from their computer chairs, and proclaimed that they would destroy the Zetas like a bag of half-pound gorditas. The hacking group, known as Anonymous, threatened
to release a list of corrupt politicians if the girl was not released. Although the hackers would appear outmatched, they had a key advantage over the Zetas: it’s hard to behead somebody when you can’t find their neck. The Zetas, sensing the desperation of a hundred virgins who were convinced that their time had come, released the girl. Both groups are sworn to secrecy, raising suspicions that the whole saga was just a hoax based on a pasty white-knight fantasy. Still, it’s an inspiring story, paralleling that of David and Goliath, except that David is twice as heavy as Goliath and instead of a sling, he’s armed with a twenty-four pack of NOS.
what it takes to become a fixture in the Republican Party. Cain is clumsily handling allegations that he sexually harassed several underlings, who he paid to keep silent. Some party leaders are concerned by the allegations, mainly because the government would not be able to afford paying out every time a politician sexually harassed an employee. If anything, the allegations have helped Cain’s campaign: his poll numbers look good and donors poured money into his campaign, ensuring that it would be able to handle unexpected expenses. Moreover, Newt Gingrich, feeling a sense of camaraderie, agreed to a series of cross-promotional debates with Cain.
Rick Perry’s meteoric rise to the top of the Republican race is burning up in the atmosphere. After a string of embarrassing debates, Perry dropped to fourth place in the polls, behind Newt Gingrich, whose campaign is little more than a book-signing tour. In desperation, Perry proposed a universal 20% flat income tax and has even turned to birtherism, but nothing seems to appeal to voters. Mitt Romney grows smugger by the day, and Perry seems outclassed. It’s no wonder that his campaign is struggling: what’s a cowboy without his swagger?
The city of Topeka, Kansas repealed its domestic violence law in order to save money. Possessing a bong will still land you jail time, unless you use it to hit your wife.
Just when pundits were about to write off Herman Cain, he showed that he had
The Libyan rebels captured Muammar Qaddafi, recorded a couple cell phone videos, and then killed him. Observers around the world were horrified that Qaddafi was executed without a show trial. After he was killed, Qaddafi’s body was put on public display, moving from house to house and eventually winding up in a meat freezer. Locals lined up to see the body and take pictures with it. Libyan Facebook is about to be swamped by profile pictures featuring Qaddafi.