Abstinence: Why Keep Your Fly Sky-High

It's February, which means it's officially purity month! Before President's day when we'll get around to the racial kind, we should take a moment around Valentine's Day to remind ourselves of the importance of not only sexual, but spiritual purity. Since you're reading this we're probably just preaching to the choir, but anyways here's 6 reasons to prevent the Devil's wishes from tantalizing your loins.

1. You can get the same rush from killing a man.

4. You should save yourself for your loveless third marriage.

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2. You might have a baby and it will be ugly.

5. God told WUnderground to tell me to tell you that it's a sin.

3. I once knew someone who had [REDACTED] and I never heard from them again.

6. Just kidding! You should totally go do whatever you want I don't care! (I'm using reverse psychology).