in the morning, and he doesn’t feel it’s necessary to wake up before noon. It’s no surprise that his relationship with his parents became even more strained. At first, they seemed supportive at the beginning of rehab. But it’s hard to maintain a relationship when its foundation is swept out from under you. They didn’t understand why Kyle wasn’t getting better, why he hadn’t started pitching above 90 over a year since his surgery, why he was just accepting average. Kyle didn’t know how to tell them about his constant pain, how to show them he could be something else besides a major league pitcher, how to prove that he wasn’t accepting average—average was forced onto him. After one argument that led him getting kicked out of both parents’ homes, he stayed with me for a while. “They finally found something they have in common,” he said that night between sips of beer. “It’s hating me.” I instinctively start to refute his statements and assure him that they’re just worried—that I’m worried—but the look on his face as he stares up at the baseball game on TV stops me. He watches with such focus, yet I can tell his mind is elsewhere being flogged with nostalgic moments from the field, from our childhood. It’s moments like those I’m reminded I’m the only person who he’s ever let his guard down around—the only person who’s seen the real Kyle Johnson. Everyone knew Kyle the athlete, and a lot of people know Kyle the angry failed athlete, but no one knows the average Kyle who plays video games, who likes to cook, who rescued two golden retrievers last year. No one knows that he’s really good at building things, or that he’ll remember something you said years ago, or that he cried the first time he watched Titanic. Kyle isn’t the one who needs to accept average; everyone else just needs to accept an average him. So instead, I sat back and continued to watch the game with him in our comfortable silence. The car ride home is quiet save for the soft noise of the radio station. The Cardinals won the game with an easy groundout ball in the top
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