Partnering With the Local Church to Meet the Needs of Surprise Parents

people don’t understand," she thought. She figured they either react by condemning her, asking her if she’s repented, or they would condone what’s she’s done and try to justify it. But that wasn’t what Heather needed at that moment.

She was already feeling plenty of condemnation. Women who go through an abortion often feel like what they have done is so bad, no one can help. There is no hope. Satan never lets them forget what they did. And to have others pile on is so painful, they can’t handle more of it. She also didn’t want anyone to help her justify what she had done. She knew how horrible it was. There was no justification for it.

So What Did Heather Need?

How can churches reach out to women (and men) who have gone through an abortion? What does a helpful conversation with people in this situation look like?

It is very easy for self-righteousness to present itself when someone finds out about an out-of-wedlock pregnancy or an abortion. But if we can turn our attention toward love, the conversation can look quite different.

Jesus gives us a great example in John 4, where he meets the Samarian woman at the well. Jews were not supposed to mingle with Samaritans, so the very fact that he converses with her is remarkable – and instructive. Simply by being there, Jesus shows that he values the woman. Jesus also offers her something more valuable than the water she was drinking – again showing He considered her to be important.

This is where it begins – giving value. One of the best things we can say to someone who has gone through an abortion is quite simply: “I’m so sorry you went through this and I’m so sorry you’ve lost your baby.” One sentence shows the person that you care for them and that you care for the baby. Your concern is for them. And it shows you value them.

People who have gone through an abortion (whether it’s the mother, the father, or the grandparents), have had condemnation from Satan thrown on them in heavy doses. They feel low. They think they have no value. By showing them love, it gives them a glimmer of hope that maybe there is some redemption for this horrible thing they’ve done.

Partnering With the Local Church to Meet the Needs of Surprise Parents MAKING AN IMPACT

In the middle of the night, a phone rings, your grandchildren are no longer able to stay in their home with their parents. What you planned to be your Golden years have changed. Your days are now filled with school meetings, court hearings, and the sound of children in your hallways. The road ahead is not easy, but the road is paved with love.

This very scene is playing out in communities all across America. Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, and foster parents are caring for children who can no longer be in the care of their parents. In the United States over 2,000,000 children are currently living with relatives or close family friends.

In the last five years, the Grafted Ministry at Pleasant Hill Christian Church has had the privilege of working with these special families. Through support groups, foster parents night out, and special events we have seen firsthand the joys, struggles, and needs kinship and foster families face. The good news is they do not have to face them alone.

Numerous times in the past, the North Georgia Pregnancy Center has partnered with Pleasant Hill to provide valuable resources for the Grafted Ministry families. It has been a blessing to arrive at a new foster or kinship family’s house with bags of clothes, diapers, and wipes all provided by the NGPC. More than anything else, it reminds the family that they are not alone, the community supports them.

Through the partnership with the North Georgia Pregnancy Center, families are introduced to a community partner that will come alongside and support them in the journey ahead. This is a growing area of demand here in North Georgia, with more and more families needing help with their grandchildren, nieces, and nephews.

Many people don’t even start this conversation because they don’t feel equipped to handle where that discussion may go. This is understandable. In fact, it’s important to know what you’re able to handle. Individuals need to know their limitations and not try to exceed them without being equipped first. In the same way, church leadership also needs to know its limitations. Abortion is a life and death situation. It’s not something to be taken lightly. And the conversations can be very difficult.

However, that doesn’t mean individuals and church leadership should shy away from people who have an abortion experience. Quite the contrary. God has given all of His children the capacity to love and value others. He equips all of us to do this. He has also equipped all of us with two ears. And many people who have gone through an abortion simply need someone to listen to them and still feel loved and valued. Telling others about their experience is the pinnacle of vulnerability. If they walk away from the conversation with nothing more than love and value, you have ministered to them.

Of course, we always want to offer more. But what happens if we’re not equipped to offer more? This is where your local pregnancy center can come alongside your church and provide a very valuable ministry. Some churches will simply tell people who

have gone through an abortion to call the center. This makes the person feel like you really don’t want to mess with her – her problem is too big for you to love them through.

Instead, explain to the person that you really don’t have the ability to help them as much as you know they need. Then offer to set up an appointment with a counselor from the pregnancy center and the three of you meet together. This way, you’re not asking someone to walk into an extremely vulnerable situation all by themselves. You’re there to walk with them through it. They’ve already been vulnerable with you. Now you can help them be vulnerable with someone who can really help them. And together with the counselor, you can walk hand-in-hand with this person down a path to redemption.

Counselors in pregnancy centers know how to handle these difficult conversations. They will come alongside you to provide love, value, and a path to redemption for those in a dark, lonely place. They can help you give more than hope. Like Jesus did for the woman at the well, He didn’t just tell her to repent. He gave her something to do to move out of her darkness and into His light. Your partnership with your local pregnancy center can offer the very same Light.

Heather experienced the power of this partnership between the church and the local pregnancy center. The local pregnancy center ministered to her in a big way,

helping her walk out of the darkness she was in. They also conducted a memorial service for her baby, which helped with the grieving process. And the pastor who conducted the service was the same pastor who greeted her every Sunday morning. It was a beautiful picture of love, grace, and value. Today, several years later, Heather is helping others walk away from abortion and into the light of Jesus.

Stuck in Darkness?

If you’re stuck in a dark, lonely place because of an abortion experience – or a difficult family situation – you don’t have to remain stuck. The counselors at the North Georgia Pregnancy and Family Resource Center can help you move through your difficult situation, lay down a path to a better life, and walk with you to that better way of living. Simply call (706-253-6303), email (info@babyontheway.org) or visit our website (www.babyontheway.org) to get the help you need.

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It happens more often than you’d think. The parents of a teen caught in an unwanted pregnancy drive her to the abortion clinic. Then, on Sunday, they’re sitting in your church hurting, feeling guilty, and unable to talk about it to anyone.

The fear of rejection by those around them will often keep the grandparents of the aborted baby silent for years. Grandparents often go unministered to because no one ever knows the secret they hold. The shame, guilt, and pain eats at them and tears them away from close relationships in the church.

Much like churches can offer love and value to the mother and father of aborted babies, they can offer the same to the grandparents. And, in the same way, crisis pregnancy centers can come alongside you to offer the grandparents a path to redemption.

It’s easy to overlook the family members on the periphery of an abortion experience. But they all need the love of Christ expressed to them regularly.

Teen Residential Program and Community Counseling Center with locations in Jasper, Ellijay and Woodstock

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Jacob Nels is the operations coordinator at the Equal Rights Institute (www.equalrightsinstitute.com). Jacob left a 16-year career as a carpenter to follow his passion for investing in the lives of people by taking a job with Justice For All. Since 2008, Jacob has been working to make abortion unthinkable, to make Jesus thinkable, and teaching others to do the same. Jacob works to show pro-life and pro-choice

people that humans matter more than divisive arguments. Through respectful dialogue, sound reasoning and compassion, Jacob hopes to teach pro-life advocates to love their neighbors and go teach others to do the same. During his time as a pro-life ambassador, God has used Jacob to help save dozens of lives from abortion and teach hundreds of pro-life people grow in compassion and understanding for the pro-choice people they disagree with. Jacob has witnessed thousands of people on both sides of the issue cease fighting toe-to-toe and move to a place of respectful understanding for their fellow human.