You know, heaven, where the tops of clouds are occupied, evangelists are obsolete, and Mr. and Mrs. Adam receive even more mail than Charles Manson. No sir, I’m not having any of it. Even if gas prices are lower in heaven, I’ll still fret over my emissions into the cloudless atmosphere. Of course, as one taking the idealistic high road, I’ll buckle my seat belt a hypocrite. Maybe in heaven, sixes will stick to other sixes magnetically, while nines will stick to other nines, and love will not only be beautiful but also edible.
Heaven
Alex Volpert
I’m saving up for a train to the Holy Land, but you can sure as hell bet I bought a return ticket. Its just simply not a feasible place to raise children. The people are mostly old money and the real-estate is obscenely expensive.
But, I only hope that in heaven, global warming is debunked as a conspiracy, the ozone layer can be patched by the employ of an experienced seamstress, and cars run on Brita filtered water. Perhaps wars are fought through diplomacy, moral absolutes exist, and bureaucracy is digitally remastered with improved sound quality. Lord, I know in heaven group projects are abandoned as a form of sadism, and Cain and Abel have divided their respective property by a picket fence of indistinct color and hence no longer compete over whose lawn is greener. I wonder if in heaven our nation is homogonous and homozygous for Daltonism, men are freshly laundered, women mince meat with words, and instead of being aborted babies get to grow up and work in HR. I heard that in heaven, college tuition is significantly cheaper, the glass ceiling is actually just Saran wrap, and every mall is an outlet mall. God will be omniscient like Santa Clause immortal like the protagonist of an action movie and as omnipotent as Oprah