When it comes to FAKE NEWS, we’re the
FAKIEST.
Journalist struggles to invent news. Page 4 Vol. 93, Issue 4
April 1, 2019
Bruins host first “Bring Your Pet to School” Day “It was an opportunity to feed your homework to your dog without penalty.”
INSIDE Fast Food
In Mrs. Insaini’s class, students worked on their classwork alongside a vast array of pets, including but not limited to horses, cats, parrots, dogs, snakes. RACHEL Ray Editor-in-Chief
Something of a miracle occurred here at Wilson as the school had its very own Bring Your Pet to School Day for the first time ever! On March 13, 2019, students were granted permission to bring any of their animals to school with no penalties. We were given this amazing opportunity all thanks to a club that was created by Junior, Katy Perrot. The group of students meet in Mrs. Insaini’s class to watch videos of cute baby animals. It was these videos of cute baby animals that inspired Perrot and her club as they decided they wanted to see these cute animals in person at school. “I just think it would be so cool if, instead of watching these animals on our
phones, we could just bring them to school for once!” Perrot explained. The club then proposed
“I really liked getting a chance to bring my python to school.
-Mrs. Insaini
Teacher
the idea to Wilson’s principals, Dr. Jacket and Mr. Maracas, in which they immediately agreed it was a great idea.
On March 13, Wilson was transformed into something of a zoo--a magical, happy zoo with animals of all kinds rolling, slithering, and galloping around the quad and hallways of the school. “I really liked getting a chance to bring my python to school,” Mrs. Insaini said, “It’s really a shame about the missing hamster though.” Several students participated in the all day event. Pets included snakes, dogs, cats, horses, fish, parrots, rocks, and more! It was something of a dream come true as students played fetch with their dogs, reflected their cat’s ‘I don’t want to be here’ attitude, rode their horses gleefully, chased teachers around with their snakes, and sat on the field with their pet See PET DAY (page 4)
President Trump visits Wilson to present new fast food options in the school cafeteria because “healthy food is for losers.” News, Page 2
Avalanche Buries Student Alive
In an effort to clean up her room, Mrs. Brush causes avalanche of stuff to bury a student. News, Page 5
Art Installation to Mimic Rushmore
Wilson will receive a Mount-Rushmore style monument dedicated to teachers and staff. Vote for your favorite staff members. Feature, Page 7
Duck and Cover
Despite injury on its opening day, the brand new archery class continues to make its point on the quad. Sports, Page 8
Wilson High School Quietspeaker
News
Page 2
‘Berders for Bruins
The President begins his campaign for unhealthy food at Wilson’s cafe EMMETT Corner Reporter
As of April 1, all lunch passes will be officially deemed unusable to the student body. On top of that, students will be condemned to stay at Wilson at all times as well, and only be able to leave for educational purposes. In response, however, no one really seems to care. Students have even now labeled them “useless,” considering the fact that they can now get whatever fast food they want from the school itself anyways. For those who weren’t informed, President Trump himself has made a law in order to make student lunches, in his own words, “great again” by making fast food chains deliver to them. This includes all American public schools, private schools, and clown schools. Throughout the years, schools have became more uptight with the conditions of their lunches. Cuisines have been reduced to foods foreign of carbs; sugary drinks were replaced with more “healthier but tasty liquids” such as Snapple and TruMoo milk (not counting the strawberry milk); and access to deserts and other sweet treats were limited to knockoff brands of Rice Krispy Treats and cereal bars. In theory, most believe that this transition to healthy lunches may have contributed to the increase of academic success. Healthy foods make healthy minds. However, when your nation becomes too smart, smarter than most leading nations (France, United Kingdom, Italy, Middle-Earth countries, etc.), they grow tired and jealous of your
superior country always gloating about their education system. Because of this, they cancel all trade, including oil, which may leave your country in peril. What did the president do about this? Well, the only logical action, obviously-- he changed school lunches by introducing the most unhealthiest, unholiest, foods to the student lunch menu: fast food. When asked about this decisions, the president commented, very boldly, “It makes incredible sense. If you were to look at all of these buff, handsome men of today, then you’d realize that they didn’t get there by eating some veggies that their parents told them to eat. No, they ate protein-packed hamberders and steaks. Shoot, that’s how I got my fine piece of woman with me. Anyone who thinks that berders aren’t healthy are dumber than a rocks of box.” President Trump’s “Buy Universally-distributed Marketed Products” (B.U.M.P.) Act orders schools to buy food from large fast food chains and distribute them freely to their student body without having the need to include a ridiculous fundraising event with it. Students are now given access to food provided by popular fast food companies such as KFC, Shake Shack, McDonalds, Taco Bell, and many more unhealthy brands of big business. Back then, kids had to eat healthy and respectable foods such as grilled meats with a side of mixed greens and the standard milk carton. Now, however, students can get a nice, juicy Big Mac from Mcdonalds and a grease-covered Whopper with a side of Animal-style fries and an
Above, President Trump proudly showcases the vast array of new fast food items that will be available for Wilson students to purchase in the cafeteria. Oreo Mcflurry at the same time. With every purchase of a lunch as well, students are provided a free MAGA hat and an overly buff Donald Trump action figure that states the phrase “Make America Gorge Again.” Wilson actually freely encourages students in eating fast food, and plans on having signs that advertise the various food chains that sells their students “food.” It’s also a good way of getting ad revenue, which in turn may be able to fund Wilson with its future needs. Clubs that revolve around fast food have started as well, ranging from Arby’s “Make your own gyro” club, which allows students and staff alike to learn exactly how to make their curly fries, to the “Ronald Mcdonald’s Training
Club,” which teaches you how to become the next “Ronald McDonald” for your local McDonalds, which, considering the situation, seems very fitting. However, it turns out that not everyone is happy about the news. Jerica Deani from the Vegetarian Club labeled the act as an “outrage,” since not only does the act promote unhealthy cuisine, but it also has failed to give any vegan restaurants a spot in the light. “It’s not right. It’s either we have all variety or no variety at all. If y’all want to become a bunch of fat slobs who’ll eventually get so fat that they’d need to cut off their own limbs, then sure. But at least let me get my greens unlike you losers,” Deani said. Somehow, Deani’s word’s have actually made it to Trump himself, in
which he simply responded in letter form “Dear Jerica, I have only this to say; Veggies are for the basketball players and meat is for the golfers. Kudos, loser. ~Donald J. Trump.” All in all, the new “B.U.M.P“ Act has made students react in all sorts of different ways, ranging from people putting on the Hamburglar suit to others writing their own letters to tell Trump “Dude, where’s the greens?“ Even with the mixed reactions though, at least everyone was relieved to hear that the strawberry milk wasn’t taken away this time. Although experts believe the nation may suffer a severe obesity outbreak and a potential decrease in literacy rates, at least the national treasure was preserved this time.
Wilson goes vegan to promote healthy eating ALEXANDRO AGUItAR Reporter
During lunch time the cafeteria is the go-to spot for those without a lunch pass. But recently due to an increase of funding following the cancellation of A/C units being built into classrooms, the Wilson Cafeteria is going to be fully vegan. Christine Heineken, the head of the LBUSD school district, thought it was a great opportunity. Wilson is not the only school who will be joining us in the vegan wave; Poly, Browning and Stanford Middle School are also going vegan. It will be announced that in May 2019 the school cafeteria will begin to change. More schools will participate in the change some time around this year. We were able to get a copy of the new menu which we
are excited to share with you. All chicken products will be replaced with a grain-based substitute which will taste mostly like leather, but edible nonetheless. All hamburger patties will be replaced with black bean and veggie burgers which are made of a base of recycled cafeteria trays. All milk will be replaced with soy milk, both chocolate and regular. This will all happen in hopes of reducing the amount of livestock killed and to help the ecosystem. But with this change, we will also be getting a couple of new menu items. The veggie stir fry bowl is a new menu item coming up to replace the pasta and meatballs, which will make for a better and more healthier change. We will also be getting fried rice on the menu, minus the egg of course. The change will not be per-
Sample Menu Items Breakfast Bean and rice burrito (no cheese) Avocado toast Select Cereal with SOY milk Oatmeal Plate of granola Lunch Veggie stir fry Spicy bean and rice burrito (no cheese) Vegan chicken strips Veggie burgers Mac and Gouda-style cheese (not gouda) manent though, the vegan menu will be estimated to be removed in August 2021 depending on the success of the of the menu. If gone well, it could be permanent
and we could be the first vegan high school in the world. There will be expected backlash though, but those angry will be compensated with a free lunch
Sides Apple slices Apple sauce Fruit cocktail Soygurt Drinks Coconut milk Almond milk Soy milk Oat milk 0% milk
pass to leave the school for lunchtime to go eat out of campus. We hope this change/experiment goes swell and becomes a favorite with the students.
News
Wilson High School Quietspeaker
Page 3
New schedule changes are coming to Wilson Starting next school year, summer break will be cut in half and the school week will be six days Amber Rose Editor-in-Chief
Starting in the 2019-2020 school year, several changes will be made in regards to Wilson’s scheduling. The first change to be implemented will be that the current 11-week summer break will be reduced to a five-week summer break. The second change to be implemented will be that students will be required to attend school on Saturdays, which will create a six-day school week and replace the current five-day school week. “Both of these changes stem from the fact that the current schedule allows too much free time that could be spent in the classroom,” one administrator stated. The addition of the five-week summer break and six-day school week has administrators very ex-
cited. “These new changes coming to Wilson will give our school the prestige its yearned for,” retiring co-principal Dr. Jacket said. “It’s too bad I won’t be here to witness it.” Co-principal, Mr. Maracas added, “Summer break and weekends are absolutely useless so we are taking small steps toward getting rid of them entirely. We’re constantly striving to increase the number of instructional minutes that students receive because learning is much more important than whatever students choose to do outside of school.” Wilson has decided to reduce summer break to only five weeks because administrators believe the current schedule allots too much time for summer break. According to Faux Learning, students lose an equivalent of one month of overall learning after
summer vacation. This in turn leads to teachers having to allocate an average of six weeks in the fall just for re-learning old material. Thankfully, the elimination of the 11-week summer break
“Summer break and weekends are absolutely useless.”
-Mr. Maracas Co-Principal
would exponentially decrease the amount of summer learning loss and time spent doing absolutely nothing. Teachers are certainly thankful that extra instructional time
will be added. One teacher, Mrs. Insaini, expressed, “Although we won’t have AC anymore here at Wilson, I think it’s great that students will be spending hot summer days sitting in the classroom.” Insaini continued on to say, “My goal is to increase the amount of material my students learn, no matter the weather situation outside, because the weather should never be an excuse not to learn.” In addition, summer school classes will continue to be provided for students who need to make up extra credits, but the length of these courses will not be shortened. Students must attend summer school for the entirety of the five-week break, and then get ready to go back to school once their classes have finished. Wilson has also decided to require students to attend school
on Saturdays, similar to the Italian curriculum model. Currently, some students attend Saturday school for 4 hours to clear unverified absences and detentions. By extending Saturday school to all students, and having students come in for a full school day instead of 4 hours, administrators believe that this will lead to an improvement in grades and test scores here at Wilson. In turn, Saturday detentions will be moved to Sunday. “Potentially, a student could go to school every day of the week,” Jacket said excitedly. Wilson will be the first school in the LBUSD school district to incorporate these changes, but it is likely to not be the last. Because of the abundance of benefits that the changes offer, it is not unreasonable to believe that all other schools will soon follow suit.
The infamous Zero Period is now returning to Wilson
main focus of the class would be to help athletes prioritize sleep Reporter over socializing. The Institute of If you thought that your sched- International Finance states, “The ule was tough enough, get ready normal high school athlete should to tackle, double leg and run always make space for sleep. away from zero period because Taking small naps during other it’s back. As if students weren’t courses will aid with recovery tired enough, the class notorious and muscle regeneration.” for early starts has made a reTime Management class was turn to Wilson High School. The established in response to Wilschool is assured that every overson’s shortcomburdened athings on every field lete will take that isn’t in a pool. this announceThe Pennsylvania ment with native Punxsutawopen arms, ney Phil is quoted when they are as saying, ¨The ripped from athletes the sanctity of -Richard B. greatest are known for their beds. To Cheese performing better quote custodiwhen sleep deCustodian an Richard B. prived. This could Cheese, ¨The addition of mandatory zero peri- be a vital step in getting closer to od is welcomed with open arms, finally beating big brother Poly at a football game.¨ Compared to after all sleep is for the weak.¨ Wilson believes however, other schools in LBUSD, Wilson brawn should be accompanied by is the only school to employ this brains and this could be helped new rule; the Bruins are tired of by the inclusion of Time Man- always falling behind the trends agement class. This class would and have now decided to become be the same length of a simple the trend setters with enforcing AP course with a teacher special- this new rule upon their students. izing in monotone voices. The JOSE San Antonio
“Sleep is for the weak.”
LOUDSPEAKER STAFF VOLUME 93, ISSUE 4
Photo Editor Kameron Hailey Sports Editor Adai Vidal
Adviser Mrs. Combs Editors-in-Chief Amber Eusebio Rachel Garcia Features Editors Windsor McInerny Chloe Knopf
Reporters Alex Aguilar Angel Arias Samantha Brandts Mary Dolastek Emmett Edge Catherine Fuentes Joseantonio Garcia Isabel Fernandez Michael Ndubisi Cynthia Rodriguez Alessandra Trejo
Zero Period Essentials
Make sure to bring your travel-sized “Bruinzzz” pillow to catch some Z’s while your teachers drone on in your zero period classes! ($18)
Keep your coffee looking trendy and stylish by drinking it in a 12 oz coffee mug Hydro Flask. ($29.99)
4400 East Tenth Street, Long Beach, CA 90804 ABOUT US - Published eight times a year, the student newspaper of Wilson High School is a public forum, with its student editorial board making all decisions concerning its contents.
EDITORIALS - Unsigned editorials express the views of the majority of the editorial board. Editorials are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in public forum be constructed as the opinion or policy of the administration, unless so attributed.
Reload your Starbucks gift cards! Coffee is essential when you have to be awake at the crack of dawn for zero period. ($5-$20) This special edition “Wilson in the Dark” flashlight is perfect to use for navigating the halls before daylight breaks. Beware of coyotes! ($15)
ADVERTISING - Except as clearly implied by the advertising party or otherwise specifically stated, advertisements in the Loudspeaker are inserted by commercial activities or ventures identified in the advertisements themselves and not by Wilson High School. Advertisements printed in the Loudspeaker are not to be constructed as a written or implied sponsorship, endorsement, or investigation of their respective commercial sponsors or ventures. SOCIAL MEDIA - Keep up with Bruin news, activities, and athletics on social media, with:
@woodyatlbwilson on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
LETTERS POLICY Letters to the editorials are welcome and will be published as space allows. Letters must be signed, although the staff may withhold the name on request. Opinions in letters are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in public forum be constructed as the opinion or policy of the administration, unless so attributed. These letters could and should be anywhere from comments on the page; to how we are doing; to what you would like to hear, or opinions on different subjects.
We will accept letters at the Loudspeaker office in room 410.
News
Wilson High School Quietspeaker
Page 4
Wilson says goodbye to the uniform policy Cindy Crawford Reporter
Wilson is currently in the process of ridding the student body of uniforms. Students can now stop fantasizing about wearing their favorite shirt. Or that pair of jeans that really makes their butt pop, and start actually doing it. For years, students have made it clear that they hate having to dress in the same school colors everyday. Be reason Wilson has had uniforms for so long is to head off gang activity. Students might wear a certain color, for example, that signifies a gang. In addition
to excluding gangs, having a uniform has shown to make students behave better. Something about the conformity of clothing shoves down any hint of individuality that students may show through their behavior. There is a reason people in a military academy are wearing all green, and not tie-dye. Although having uniform does make students look more classy and proper, everyone agrees that getting rid of Wilson’s uniform is the best choice. The uniform policy has been in place since the early 90’s, and now it’s time to switch it up. It’s difficult to believe, but after so many years
of uniforms, students will finally have a voice when it comes to style. Wilson staff is going further than simply allowing students to not wear uniforms. Uniformity and conformity is soon going to become a punishable offense. It is discouraged for students to wear similar outfits or colors. When asked about the changes, Dr. Jacket explained “We don’t want any matching students anymore. If anyone has the same clothing or shoes as another student, they are encouraged to change their outfit as much as they can. We are going full circle
when it comes to uniform.” In order to support the new fashion, Wilson is beginning a knitting class, which will be a required class for all students. The class is going to be a wonderful and productive way for students to create their own unique clothing that no one else will have, and avoid any embarrassing clash. In the past, this school has been really strict in regard to what students are allowed to wear. For example, changing students out because their shirts have no collar or their sweatshirts have words on them has been a frustrating
experience for many students, and having to wear clothing that are not yours just because of an outdated school policy can be upsetting. School administration has agreed to let Bruins wear whatever they want to on a daily basis, just as long as the clothing is school appropriate. Starting in January 2020, students will no longer be required to wear the colors burgundy, gold, khaki and white. We have won the battle versus uniforms! Everyone will be allowed to express the way they dress and have their own style without any worries.
The world is too absurd for reporter, Michael Ndubisi Crystal sanchez Reporter
Reporter Michael Ndubisi struggles to come up with satirical articles that haven’t already happened.
Wilson journalism student, Michael Ndubisi was given the task of writing a satirical article for the April Fools Special Edition of the Loudspeaker, but was unable to fulfill the demands placed on him due to the absurdity of the current world we live in. “First I wanted to write about international news--like, the President not believing in the science of global warming or something,” Ndubisi said. “Then I read an article where Trump said that global warming was created by the Chinese in order to make our manufacturing companies noncompetitive, and I was like, what?” Incredulous as it may be, Ndubisi settled with a new idea about the president having a “sixth sense”. “So I thought,
maybe I could be like over the top and pretend the president ‘talks to dead people’ only instead of just talking he calls them losers for being dead,” Ndubisi continued. “I wrote the whole article, and then sure enough, the president demands an apology from McCain--a dead guy.” Ndubisi had to throw his article away and change direction. In frustration, Ndubisi turned to pop culture for inspiration. “I thought, no one is funnier than Kanye West,” he said. Ndubisi came up with a story in which Kim and Kanye become advisors to the president. Then his journalism adviser reminded him of their recent visits to the White House. “Something I thought was impossible turned out to be totally real,” Ndubisi added. Ndubisi tried again. He tried
Wilson gets ready to go green and gold LBUSD’s push for conformity means adopting Poly’s colors and mascot MOLLy Monroe Reporter
Say goodbye to the iconic gold and maroon duo. Wilson has decided to ditch the maroon and replace it with a color many people know and hate: green. Not just any green. The same dark, forest green as rival school, Poly. The change will be enacted following the graduation of the class of 2019 to allow students to prepare and adjust to such a dramatic switch. The change is one of many following a program set in place by the Long Beach Unified School District to create universal conformity between all the schools. The decision is a part of the Long Beach Unified School District’s program to “go green.” It’s a way of making sure every school is uniform and because it’s the district administrations’ universal favorite color. They hope to get Milikan involved in the coming year followed by Lakewood.
The decision to switch colors comes after a board at Wilson felt that red is a color that induced “stress and anxiety” and represented “violence and anger.” All
things that the Wilson staff thinks is dangerous. They hope that the change will drive down student stress and bring in a new, healthy environment. “A whopping 89% students agreed with
that students performed 589% better when wearing green instead of red. Every LBUSD student will receive a standard issue green polo,
“We want everyone to look the same. If we could give students the same haircut, we would do it.”
-Dr. Jacket
Wilson High School Co-principal
us that red is a color that scares them,” one administrator stated. In a study by conducted by F.A.K.E Psychology Research Center, their researchers found
regardless of what school they’re attending. These special Conform-ATees should be rolling out during late August. By 2022, the district plans to create a single, uniform and mascot for every school. Many speculate that
the creature will be a mash of all preexisting mascots in the district united under the color green. They also hope that by 2024, the uniform of every school will re-
semble that of a Catholic School because they want every student to absolutely and completely match each other to further prevent any and all kinds of distinction between students. “We want everyone to look the same. If we could give students the same haircut, we would do it,” Dr. Jacket stated. “It’s all in an effort to mimic society in the next few years.” After news of the change broke, some students even took the initiative of starting a petition that would change the school mascot to a jackrabbit. It has no signatures so far. Other students have been planning a school-wide strike against the policy. On April 31, at 11 a.m, they will leave class and lay down in the middle of the quad until changes are made. “Until they change it. Days and even weeks if it comes to that point,” one student declared. It’s just a matter of time to see how far these students will go. We have to wait and see.
to come up with the most ridiculous and unbelievable crime story involving the killing of an imaginary friend. “Turns out that every story I came up with has already happened to a man in Florida,” Ndubisi said. “Florida man kills imaginary friend and turns himself in? Done. Tutu wearing man tosses alligator into Wendy’s restaurant? Done. Man trapped in unlocked closet with his girlfriend for days? Done. It’s like Florida has cornered the market on absurdity,” Ndubisi added with disdain. Ndubisi is not sure where he will turn to for his next idea. “Maybe I could write about a growing trend in Nationalism? Wouldn’t that be horrible?” he said as he laughed. “I mean, who in their right minds would cherish Nationalism?”
PET DAY from page 1 rocks. “It was really a great bonding experience, and it was so great to meet all of these animals. I got to feed a horse! I mean, a horse!” sophomore, Jack Daniel, excitedly reflected. Although there were a few incidents, none of the injuries were serious and Wilson is definitely going to be more prepared next year, “We are for sure going to stock up on anti-rabies and anti-venom shots,” the nurse said. Despite there being lots of horse poop that the custodians didn’t enjoy cleaning up, and teachers getting pooped on by birds, the upside was that it made great fertilizer! All thanks to Katy Perrot. Wilson has next year to look forward to. “It’s an honor to have begun such an amazing tradition here at Wilson,” Perrot said. “I can’t wait to bring my horse back next year.” The administration would like you to keep an eye out for the missing hamster. If you should see him, please return him to room 131.
News
Wilson High School Quietspeaker
Page 5
Students never expected to find this at school
Hidden in the science building is a magical portal to a whole world that no one expected KAMERON Diaz Photo Editor
Mrs. Brush walking in to the “Chronicles of School.”
Everyone assumes the contents of their teacher’s closet are regular things anyone would need to teach a class. Books, paper, boxes, extra pens and pencils. Are these items really what’s in your teacher’s closet? In every classroom is a different teacher, and with every teacher, there is a different closet. One closet in particular happens to be very peculiar. “I would say my closet is not like others,” Rifleison says. Mr. Rifleison, a biology teacher here at Wilson, claims his closet is almost magical. Rifleison decided to get rid of the school supplies he previosly kept in his closet, and recreate
one of his favorite movies. “Instead of The Chronicles of Narnia, I call my closet The Chronicles of school,” explains Rifileison. If someone were to wonder through his closet, which appears to be filled with coats and jackets that he never wears, they might find an entire world that only a select few have seen. Rifleison advises his students, and any others who may be curios, to not go looking for the secret world. “The world only accepts a select few, and those who have gone through and not made it have not been heard from since.” The Biology teacher is not the only one who has access to this Narnia parody. Teachers from other departments who are also fans of magic portals of one kind or another can also visit the alter-
nate universe. Every Friday, to celebrate the end of the school week, the Narnia loving teachers enter the closet and become the characters from the classic story. “I play the youngest, Lucy Pevensie” says Mrs. Brush. Mr. Peecock plays the oldest brother, Peter; Mr. Odds plays the youngest brother, Edmund; Mrs. Teary plays Jadis, the White Witch. “And of course I play Mr. Tumnus, the Faun. It is a creature that is human from the waist up and a goat from the waist down,” Rifleison explains. The teachers had difficulty explaining exactly what it’s like in the closet, and some were hesitant to even discuss it. As of now, the Chronicle of Schools closet remains a mystery.
Wilson’s Race for Music is ready to go
Wilson is hosting a competition where the winner will be rewarded with a pair of Airpods in order to flex on the student body and stand apart from broke people SAMANTHA Ants Reporter
Listen up rich kids, and turn down your hypebeast tunes to take notice of this important announcement. Here at Wilson, April 7 will go down in Bruin history as the day where we come together to take on our fellow classmates and battle for the most superior wireless headphones on the market. That’s right folks, you heard it here first. Airpods. The only headphones available where even the charging case is intimidating. The only headphones that give
you exclusive access to memes ple: pick a buddy and tie your feet and phrases such as “Smells like together with any pair of wired broke in here,” and “I can’t hear headphones of your choice. The poor.” The race to win the Airpods will be held on the first Sunday of Wilson High School Co-principal April, this year. Grab a friend and
of otherworldly Airpods. It’s as easy as pie. When asked what she will do if she wins the race, senior Poorbe Gone was not afraid to express her feelings on the first-rate headphones. “Once I win the race and get the Airpods, I will no longer have to apologize for being rich,
be ready to share a whole lot of time and ankle in a three-legged race on the newly improved Wilson track field. The rules are sim-
beautiful, and famous.” Students who already own airpods don’t need to worry. Regardless of if you currently own a pair
“Smells like broke in here. I can’t hear broke.” - Mr. Maracas first two people to complete the 26-mile long marathon get to say goodbye to their unfortunate wires and take home a new pair
of not, the race is open to everyone. Still, those who already have the famous headphones should consider sitting the race out in order to give the less fortunate a chance. Not only will winning the race earn the two of you one set of new headphones, but because of our new school colors switching from maroon to green, the Airpods will be customized with a green and gold skin to show school pride. Lace up your tennis shoes and be ready to race. Join your school in the inaugural race for the Airpods, Bruins!
Student buried alive by teacher’s stuff in English class MOLLy Monroe Reporter
A student was buried alive last Friday by an avalanche of random stuff from a closet in room 410. Eleventh grade student, Angel Arias came close to becoming an angel himself when English teacher, Mrs. Brush decided to do some Spring cleaning. Most of the students in the classroom had enough time to take cover under anything they could find, but Arias wasn’t so lucky. “He had his earphones in and wasn’t paying attention,” Rachel Garcia said. “The rest of us heard a rumbling and took cover. Poor Angel was too consumed with his music to notice.” As the students all ran away and hid under their desks, Angel was jamming out and kept on walking; he was really feeling his music and had his eyes closed, so he didn’t see the mass of clutter heading his way.
Another classmate, who witnessed the avalanche was surprised that Arias survived the disaster. “I couldn’t believe my eyes and I just wanted to stand in awe but there was no time as it came speeding at me,” Samantha Brandts recalled. “Death,” she added, “that’s all I saw flash before me.” Many of the students also recall a foul odor reeking from the fallen objects. “I’m not sure, but I think that kid that’s been missing since 1972 might have been in there,” said another eye-witness. Mrs. Brush was surprised at the number of things she didn’t know she had. “I’ve been looking for this book for ages!” she screamed as she fought to release Arias from his prison of institutional rubble, “I’m happy Arias was mostly unharmed, but I’m even more relieved that I got my book back!” Amongst the rubble was the
infamous Gold Book. The Gold Book dates back to the beginning of the school, with signatures from all ASB member at the time. The book as been lost for 20 years prior to the horror of closest in room 410. In addition to these other two prehistoric discoveries was an old grammar book dating back to 1932. Upon opening, Mrs. Brush pinpointed the smell to the old grammar book. Sure enough, inside was the sock of former president who this school is named for, Woodrow Wilson. Arias is still recovering from his injuries. Once he returns to school, he will receive psychological care for his PTSD (Post Traumatic School Disorder) from our campus psychologist. Although it was a traumatic experience, faculty and administration is happy it happened as they are all revelling over Wilson’s long lost sock. Thank you Arias, you’ll forever be remembered!
Angel Arias was found crushed under a slew of mysterious items including grammar books and paper, last Friday.
Wilson High School Loudspeaker Quietspeaker
FEATURE
APRIL HOROSCOPES Aries 21 March - 19 April
Page 46
Trends and Fashion
Bigger is better with backpacks Winsor Lose
Take an Uber that goes nowhere, you’ll feel better. Since you are ambitious and obnoxious you will be able to calm yourself...in that Uber.
Taurus 20 April - 20 May
All of your fast food orders will be wrong and you will starve.
Gemini 21 May - 20 June
You will spot your crush or the love of your life. With someone else.
Cancer 21 June - 22 July
Those aren’t voices in your head. You left your airpods in. Put them away because your neighbors are beginning to think you’re nuts. Maybe you are?
Leo 23 July - 22 August
It’s not raining but take an umbrella everywhere you go. A seagull has its eye on you.
Virgo 23 August - 22 September
Don’t wait for your mom to clean your laundry, you seriously stink. Just throw it all out. Problem solved.
Libra 23 September - 22 October
Stop eating those Hot Cheetos. Not only are you starting to look like Donald Trump, your breath is hellacious.
Scorpio 23 October - 21 November
You look great! You know it. I know it. The houseplant in the corner knows it. So stop taking selfies already. We get it.
Sagittarius 22 November - 21 December
Follow your path. On Google Maps.
Capricorn 22 December - 19 January
This time of year your impulsive nature gets you into a lot of trouble. So go forth and make trouble your best friend.
Feature Editor
Wilson has long since been known for bold fashion choices. From bookbags, to accessories, to shoes, students here are constantly finding ways to express individuality or the latest in couture. Amongst Wilson students, we can see the newest and brightest in style. The trend students have been most recently introduced to is sunglasses in school. While wearing a pair of your favorite sunglasses may once have been an unspoken taboo, even on the sunniest of days, roughly 1 in 3 Wilson students now wear sunglasses on campus. Of these students, many are wearing them in halls, or even in class. While the numbers may speak to the popularity of the concept, others oppose the new movement. “Everyone hated that one kid in middle school, the kid that always wore his sunglasses in class. He never took them off. He tried so hard to make sure everyone knew they were Raybans too. Now we’re all that kid,” one student shared in frustration. “Wearing them in the quad is one thing, but in class? The whole trend is weird to me; everyone knows you don’t wear sunglasses at school,” confides another. While many resist the sunglasses movement, numbers are growing. In the past, Wilson has had relatively few students throwing on a pair of aviators or cat eyes; now it seems everyone is purchasing a pair for school. Another fad sweeping Wilson is wearing tap shoes on a regular basis. This trend is growing, which can be heard by a symphony of clicks and taps throughout the hallways, and is getting louder every day. Students are implementing these shoes into their daily wardrobe because of the eccentric look, and of course, the signature sound. “I like wearing my tap shoes because of their vintage-y feel, and the attention I get when walking down the hallway,” one student reports. While the numbers of students
Above, student Emmett Edge is seen walking the halls with his giant-sized backpack. in tap shoes is high and climbing, many students oppose the trend, complaining of hurt feet and excessive noise. The metal on the heel and toe of the shoe, which gives it the signature tap, has caused multiple foot injuries in the halls. With tight spaces during Wilson’s passing period, many students have reported visits to the school nurse for bruised and swollen feet, and in one case, a broken toe. The constant tapping is furthermore frustrating students; many even complaining about headaches or an inability to focus in class. Furthermore, tap shoes have caused tardy rates to go up. “It’s not that there are more kids tardy,” one student said, “it’s just that I cannot sneak into class after the bell like I used to.” “All this harm just so people can wear tap shoes to school? It’s ridiculous. The whole trend is ridiculous,” a dissatisfied French exchange student, Chaussures Quitapent, proclaimed.
Aquarius 20 January - 18 February
There’s nothing to say. You’re boring. Everyone that says you’re not is lying. So revel in your boringness: watch some golf and eat a pint of vanilla ice cream. It’s on us.
Pisces 19 February - 20 March
This week you will be chased by a dog on your way home. Keep your eyes wide open.
TAP SHOES aren’t just for dancing. The distinctive click-clack can be heard across campus.
Sources report (or speculate) that if numbers keep rising, the school may take action and ban the shoe, which would be very bad for the Wilson Dance Department. While some students return to the past in tap shoes, others are taking a cue from a different time period: the future. The last item that is currently changing Wilson’s fashion, is oversized backpacks. Like a desire to return to the 90’s fueled oversized jeans and cargo pants, many students are wearing monstrously oversized backpacks in an attempt to define fashion of 2019. Along with the large size, many backpacks include futuristic styles like chrome color and sewed-in multicolor lights. “I think it is important that we look to the future of style. We cannot always wear clothing because it brings nostalgia or reminds us of past decades. We must create new decades of fashion,” a student responded when asked why she wears an oversized backpack. While an oversized backpack may not seem like a significant style change in theory, many of these are so large that they almost touch the floor. One student was seen wearing one so big he barely had the strength to carry its weight. The bookbags are so large, that many are calling them “impractical” or “a waste of time and money.” While many retain these opinions, the school administrations seems more onboard with oversized backpacks than tap shoes, however obscure they may be.
Wilson High School Quietspeaker
FEATURE
Page 7
Mount Teachmore is coming to Wilson The Michael Reporter
South Dakota’s Black Hills National Forest is the site of four huge carved sculptures of the faces of U.S. Presidents George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln. Known to most as Mount Rushmore, the monument is to four of America’s greatest presidents and Wilson High School is in the process of adopting the same idea to honor four of Wilson’s greatest teachers. Mount Teachmore, a product of BSA, will feature science teachers Mr. Pepek, Mr. Garcia, Mr. Jones, and Mr. Edwards are among the front runners in a school-wide poll sent to students via SchoolLoop a month ago. On February 30, BSA met to decide the final list of teachers who will be on the monument while the project will begin actual construction on April 20 at
6:09 am. When Math teacher Ms. Drummond, another teacher who is being considered for the monument, was asked about the possibility of being immortalized in this way she simply said, “Scooby-Doo.” Mount Teachmore (affectionately known as Mount Woody), hopes to send a clear message to “the other high school¨ that though they beat us at football, we beat them at memorializing teachers. The monument is to be placed on top of the 500 building and, like the CSULB pyramid, will be able to be seen from the 405 freeway. An unnamed source at the district said the monument is to be made of paper mache to help pay for new classes at Wilson. ¨It's cost effective and sturdy material.¨ The source said, but when questioned about the rain and the possibility of the monument being destroyed he said, ¨Oh, I hadn't thought that far.¨ We believe this is why he chose to remain unnamed.
“It’ll be a great decade to be a Bruin!”
-Mr. Maracas Co-principal
From left to right: Mr. Pepek, Mr. Jones, Mr. Garcia, and Mr. Edwards on Mount Teachmore. The project will depend quite heavily on art students and their paper mache skills and as a re-
sult the project is projected to be completed June of 2028. ¨That's a long time,” said Mr. Moraga ¨but
it'll be a great decade to be a Bruin!¨
Famous people that you didn’t know went to Wilson KATHERINE Rose Depp Reporter
Woodrow Wilson High School is a place where stars are born. Have you ever seen a fellow classmate at school with extreme talent and think to yourself “They’re going to be famous”. If you have, chances are they might be a celebrity in the future! Wilson is home to so many wellknown movie stars-- and even historical figures.
1. Dwayne Johnson, better known as “The Rock.” Although you may know him from the iconic films like The Tooth Fairy (2010), Furious 7 (2015), San Andreas (2015), or even the voice of Maui in Moana (2016), his career began somewhere a lot closer to us than we think. Johnson attended Wilson High School back in the late 80’s and was on the varsity
4. Gwen Stefani, although born and raised in Anaheim, attended Wilson High School. Not only was she part Wilson’s Bruinette Drill team, she was also the president of the Choir Club, and Drama Club. Stefani had loads of school spirit and was involved in as much as she could at Wilson. She graduated in 1994 and got several recognition medals for her involvement in the arts! She then went on to study at Cal State Fullerton.
football team. This is not a surprise since it seems like football has followed him from Wilson to the movie The Game Plan (2007). Apart from being a jock he was also part of the Wilson Drama Department, leading him to his acting life. Johnson was with the graduating class of 1990. Next time you see him on the big screen, remember that he was once part of the Bruin family.
2. Abraham Lincoln has been part of Bruin tradition since the 1800’s. He had an extremely outstanding education and valued education dearly. He graduated from Wilson in 1827 and then went to UCLA to study law. Soon enough, he became the President of the United States after having received his high school diploma from Long Beach’s very own Wilson High School. If he can do it, you can too!
3. Cameron Diaz, although born in San Diego, moved to Long Beach with her family at the age of 15, then enrolled at Wilson High School and graduated in the class of 1990 with Dwayne Johnson! Who knows if they ever crossed paths in the quad. She was a Wilson Bruinette and was in the Musical Theatre program. Apart from her involvement in the school, she claims that her days at Wilson weren't all so innocent, and that she was a troublemaker. 5. Jimmy Fallon. Yup, you’re reading that right! Famous American comedian Jimmy Fallon was born and raised here in Long Beach. Fallon attended Wilson from 1988-1992. He was very good at improv and was also part of Wilson Drama Department, just as a few other famous celebrities were here at Wilson! He was the president and creator of the Photography club at Wilson
that is still running today! Who knew such talent would be born on Bruin ground.
6. Woodrow Wilson is the man who started it all! Woodrow Wilson founded and attended Wilson High School in the 1920’s. He wanted this school to be diverse and open to the arts, sports, and academics. He himself was the quarterback on the Varsity football team, prom king, and ASB president. You can thank him for all the programs Wilson High School has to offer. Woodrow Wilson has a dream of founding a school, and made it come true. Not only that but he even graduated from Wilson in 1928 with many honors. We are so proud of all our past Bruins!
Wilson High School Quietspeaker
Sports
Page 8
Wilson welcomes archery to students Chloe-grace moretz Features Editor
Students asked and administration listened! Beginning this Spring semester, archery is being offered as a physical education class to select students here at Wilson. Archery, like the yoga P.E. class, will only be offered to juniors and seniors who have already completed their P.E. requirements. Last year, students Felicity Smoak and Oliver Queen, who were sophomores at the time, started a petition asking for archery to be offered at Wilson. Initially, the administration fought back against this, stating that the safety risks outweigh the benefits, but in light of the recent political push to arm students with guns in order to protect themselves, the LBUSD Board of Education members believe arming students with a bow and arrow is a good way to introduce a lower level of weapons to the school before actual guns are brought in. In a statement issued by the board, member Welton Filliams said, “Archery is the best way to get students used to having and handling weapons in a school environment safely.” Some students may be surprised by the news of the archery class, noting they did not see it as an option when selecting classes. This is because counselors were responsible for deciding who the class was offered to. Archery can be a dangerous activity, so
counselors were given the task of picking which students they felt most eligible to be entrusted with a bow and arrow. Counselors also provided students with an eligibility test to see who qualified for the class. This test encompassed many ways of descending some one hand eye coordination. Similarly to the traditional drunk driving test, students had to walk a straight line while touching their fingers to their nose. Students also had to perform the Alphabet Song backwards to prove their literacy. These tests also included a demonstration of the students embroidery skills to show focus. The archery class will be held in the quad and rally stage area. Students who are interested in taking archery, but were not selected for the class still have a chance. Simply bring a note signed by a parent, explaining why the student qualifies for archery, to their counselor. Just like all other classes, students have 30 days to bring the note to their counselor requesting the class change starting April 1. Although there is a 30 day opening for the class change, Melissa Neigh explains “Students should come see their counselor as soon as possible. There are only a certain number of bows and arrows to go around.” Erica Glacier, a swim coach and teacher here at Wilson, will be overseeing the archery class. Glacier says that safety is a major concern for him. One parent complained, saying “What if an arrow hits my child?” Ms. Gla-
Chloe-Grace Moretz
JoseAntonio Garcia (11) walks across the quad with the odds of being impaled by an arrow. cier explains that this is nothing to be worried about, saying “They won’t.” There will be a 10 square foot roped off area for archers. Archery is a double period, meaning the class will last for two of the regular class periods. Held through 3rd period on odd days, and 2nd through 4th period on even days, the double period, plus nutrition, gives students the benefit of uninterrupted learning. One thing that students who aren’t in the archery program can get excited about is the half time shows at football games. Glacier
is working closely with Ms. Visit, the Bruinettes coach, to create a show for students that includes the archery students. “Burning arrows will be shot into the air in time with the music. It’s going to be a crazy, exciting, fire show,” says Visit. As the program develops, the class sizes will be expanded, and by 2023, the school aims to have enough resources to open the archery class to all students who are interested. Many celebrities have noted the program as well, which is being integrated into select
school all across California. Henry Schwartz, former Starbucks CEO and potential 2020 presidential candidate even tweeted about the program, writing “Very excited to see schools finally stepping up to work against this violence.” Students should get ready for many new changes at Wilson. Archery is just one of the many new and exciting updates coming to school. Come 2020, our school will have a new environment that encourages learning, self defense, and the overall well-being of students.
Bruin hit by stray arrow in quad
Despite injury, the newly established archery program will continue to make its point known. Adele Sports Editor
Adele
Junior, Angel Arias is comforted by fellow bruin friend, Michael Ndubisi (10) after an arrow painfully punctures his forearm.
As all sports experience injuries with their players, archery is no exception. The archery department has had their first injury this past week after the first practice was held. The athletes are still not very experienced and maybe this is why arrows flew in places they shouldn’t have. The good news is, the arrow only flew halfway inside a student’s arm. After waiting two hours for the ambulance, she was taken to the emergency room at St. Joseph Medical Center. Dr. Jacket, the co-principle here at Wilson added, “She seemed fine.” Erica Glacier, archery coach, didn’t have much to say about the injured student. She stated, “It happens.” As the student exited the 100 building to use the restroom in the media center, they walked across the quad where practice was held. As they walked to the restroom, “I heard someone yell at me, but I didn’t think I’d get hit. I was
walking away from the target. You'd think they’d know how to aim!” The student seemed most concerned about the blood that ruined their outfit. The student is okay and is on their way to recovery. The student was identified as Junior, Angel Arias who had just recovered from a closet avalanch. Even though the student luckily gets two months off of school for recovery, the injured student is filing a lawsuit against the school. It’s a great day to be a Bruin! He expresses that the new P.E class is way too dangerous. The removal of the arrow required surgery at the ER but was not urgent. He was put in the waiting room until the surgery room was ready to be used. Luckily, no major vessels or tissues were damaged. Archery, the newest physical education class at Wilson, has only been in practice for a couple of weeks, since it was introduced at the start of the second semester. Students seem to be enjoying the ancient activity. The class runs
through Nutrition as well, creating an uninterrupted learning environment. The athletes also get to practice during lunch; forget the rally! Safety has not been a concern for administration and the archery program is regarded as “amazing” and “safe”, according to coach Glacier. Maybe the lack of aiming was a good thing after all. The petitioned class is in no danger of removal because of this injury and will continue practices. Fear no more! Students will be able to continue archery due to the district’s Personal Problem Act where they are not liable for personal problems like a careless injury. Coach Glacier expressed that the first priority of the sport is to produce olympian archers. “Let’s keep the Olympian production going!” The culprit of the incident apologizes for causing the injury but will receive no punishment for the incident. Coach Glacier says, “Take a quick look when you cross the quad and watch out for flying arrows.”