Kuwaderno XVII by White & Blue

XVII

kuwaderno XVII

is the literary folio of White & Blue, the official student publication of Saint Louis University, Baguio City, Philippines Member College Editors’ Guild of the Philippines Copyright © 2021 by White & Blue All Rights Reserved. All materials contained in this annual publication belong to their respective atughors and artists. No material may be reproduced and/or copied in any form without the written permissions of the copyright holders. Layout by Chriselyn Alconis Cyber Domingo Mikaela Garillo Aliyah Jenelle Javier Jastine Christer Kabigting Saint Relly Bartfermil Landingin Cover Art by Khamilla Sualog Inside Cover Art by Naomi Bumal-o Karen Nuguid Printed by Magicus Junctra Corporation 1720 President Quirino Avenue Pandacan, Manila

Editor’s Note When people ask for touch, we usually hear sensations that create possibilities that trigger the ears into their own mundane experiences. We stop at traffic lights, cross the lines, enter borders with unknown definitions of one’s foolishness. Our sense of direction detours across the night sky where howling and cries disagree With such fascination for change, thirst comes in a form of an aura no one recognizes. Your unfinished plate will tell you what starvation looked like and you never know. Empty hands and the sound of hunger echoes beneath the skin of a child whose name is unknown No one flinched. Feet soak in waters. Broken patterns come in the form of trains stuck on railroad where longing meets effervescence. Fire exits were made to find out we were running out of water. You cope in a way your apparitions stand tall beside your transparency; smoke in a form of weary. Kuwaderno. It will always be a little dark outside.

Angella Joyce Joves Literary Editor

Ambisyoso Hihinto, Gagalaw Mag-iisip sabay tatanaw Ng malayo habang ngalan mo’y sinisigaw Ng damdaming nagpapakahinog kahit na hilaw. Binibining sa panaginip man o totoong buhay nais isayaw Ng torpedong gaya ko, na gusto kasama kang maligaw Sa mundong to na minsa’y masaya minsa’y mapanglaw. Hihinto, Gagalaw Tutulad sa indayog ng lumang tugtugin, Dahan-dahan at paulit-ulit man ika’y susuyuin. At kung yo’ng nais, mga alitaptap at bituin aking iipunin. Pambihirang damdamin na matulin, Nangangarap na ang Prinsesa ay mapasakin, Ngunit imposibleng mabighani ang prinsesa sa gusgusin. Hihinto, Gagalaw Manganga-usap lang ng mag-isa, Aaralin ang kilos at galaw kung sakaling haharap sa kanya, Kasi di maiwasang mautal at mataranta Ni di makagalaw sa t’wing titingin sya, Kanyang gandahan sa kokote ko’y naipinta. Ngunit hirap naman humanap rutang rekta sa kasagutan nya. 01

Hihinto, Gagalaw Paplanuhin kung pano gagayak, Mag-padala kaya ko ng sulat sa Tikling at Tagak. Laman ng sulat ay “ayos lang sakin mag-igib at mag-sibak, at kung nais mo’y duyan maghapong matulog, akoy mag-tutulak, kasiyahan lamang ang dahilan kung bakit may luhang papatak”. Ganto pala ang Ambisyoso mag-balak. Hihinto, Gagalaw At uupo ng diretcho Sa kaganapang to ang Ambisyoso ay seryoso, Sa sarili ma’y diskompyado, Pupusta ng malakihan kahit medyo dihado. Nag-iisip ata ako masyado, Tanongin ko muna kaya sya kung gusto niya ba ‘ko.

Attention!

Whore

Glued to blue light screens Your eyes stained with lines and pigments Your polished nails clack Against the glass of your most beloved possession Staring at an image you’ve spent two of the day’s hours for Your phone vibrates A split second just before you shiver with anticipation Pressing onto the notification, You squeal with delight - a reaction A recognition from the bait you hung Within the deep waters of digital social interaction The fish you caught - a comment An acknowledgement

“Beautiful” There it comes, A wave of exhilaration assaults your being Bringing you higher from the depths of anxious insecurity The laughter that escapes your lips Is tinged with high and desperation More, more, moreu type with frenzy Hahaha nahhh”

The casual hides the quiver of your fingers You wait Then reaffirmation

“Oo kaya” The following climax brings you higher than before The denial of your denial You turn and writhe upon your bed Unmade, upturned You still clutch at your syringe Still vibrating, ceaselessly dripping of the drug you’d poisoned yourself with The drug that made you paint your face Made you bruise your ankles Made your clothes tighter Made you quit being sober Made you like everyone you resented Just because you needed them to like you back Made you into everything you hated Turned you into everything you wanted Not to be Another vibration And the thought disappears from your mind Because you forget when you’re high

kcg

Amoy ko ang iyong balat. Panay ang pagdidikit ng pawisan nating manggas. At wala akong pakielam sa kulob na amoy o murumi nating kwelyo. Dahil sa patintero, tayo ang panalo.

Bata pa tayo Ngunit sa isip ko isang delubyo ang namumuo Mula sa pag-galaw ng labi mo. At ngiti mong Binabagabag ang pananahimik ko. Ito na yata ito. Isang sakit na gumagapang sa kamay Bumibinat sa noo. Nagpapabilis ng pag-hinga Masikip na mga hininga At salawal na nagmamantsa. Ito na nga ito. Minsan naglaro tayo at sa kasamaang palad. Natalo ako. 05

At sa bilis ng bibig ko nauna ang utak ko At nasabi ko sayo ang laman nito. Nitong tyan na nabubusog sa pag silip sayo. Nitong kamay na kumukumpas sa bawat tawa mo. Nitong katawang pasibol ngayo’y nagwawala sa bagang pumapaso sa mga gabi ko. Ano nga ba ito? Hindi ka mawaglit. Hindi ka matiris na parang tagyawat. At ang pangalan mo waring ihing nagpapakilig. Balak mo bang busalan ang baga ko? Hindi yata tama ito Ang paulit ulit kong pasubalit. Dumating tayo sa puntong hindi mo mabanggit ang pangalan ko. At ang mga halakhak mo’y naging sakim Kasabay ng pangungumpisal mo sa lahat. Sinira mo ako sa edad na sampu. Binura mo ang saya ng aking kabataan. Naging kahihiyan ang bawat pagtingin kasalanan ang pagtagkil.

Sinira mo ako sa huling taon ng elementarya. Ipinakilala mo ang sabik na bunganga ng mundo. Na gustong tikaman ang kahinaan ko. Ikaw ang labing tumukso sa pagkasino ko Sinirasira mo ako hanggang ngayon. Dahil hindi ko malimutan Ang pangangailangan ng katawan ko. Na makilala ka sa bagong balat na suot mo. At ikaw ang salarin sa tigang na kamalayan. Ikaw ang uhaw na gusto akong lunurin. Ikaw ang pangangatwiran na Baka hindi mo ginusto Baka napilitan ka Baka hindi pa huli. Tinatapos ko ito sa ngayon Kasabay ng pagtipa ng kamay at pagsunod ng labi. Iuukit ko ang nunal sa iyong mukha Sa bintana ng pantasya ko. Susungkitin kita kapag handa na ang patibong ko sayo.

Pu (lu) (lu)ta ta(n)

Matagal ko nang pinatay ang makata binaon sa pait ng alak at alat ng pulutan nasapawan na ng mga pilit na hagikgik ang tunog nang pagdaloy ng dugo sa pagitan ng mga binting pilit ipinagdidikit

ako na babae, itago ko raw ang pagkababae ko sa ilalim ng saya, ipitin ko raw sa pagitan ng aking mga hita, hanggang sa masugat ang mga ito, hanggang sa bumaon sa aking mga buto—

ang alat ang maalat na lasa sa dulo ng dila ko, ang pait na pilit kong inilunok, dahil kinakailangan kong magsalita kahit puno na ang bibig ko, kinakailangan kong tumayo kahit nanginginig ang mga tuhod ko

ako na babae, galing sa tadiyang ng lalake, para sa lalake, walang silbi ang mga sugat sa aking mga hita o ang mga nakabaon sa buto ko dahil nakalimutan nilang sabihin na isang tela lang ang saya manipis, namamantsahan, nawawarak at kahit pilit kong itinago ang pagkababae ko sa ilalim ng saya, ano ang laban ng isang tela sa mga kamay na walang alam kung hindi ang kumuha matagal ko nang pinatay ang makata, dahil may mga tula na binibgkas sa harap ng ibang tao, ngunit mas marami ang mga tula na nais kong ibaon sa limot, ibaon kasama ng pait ng alak at alat ng pulutan

Doubt 09

She wanted everything and nothing Of this Of the hands rummaging through Her soul and curves Of the lovely, lovely, lovely Whispers in her ear Of the tightness she feels in her chest As love (love?) threatened to spill out of her soul Mama, Iím sorry This wasnít how it was meant to be I didnít want to taste the smoke on his lips Tried to push away the thought Of hisÖ But God, it was so good, And now that all was said and done (Mostly done) What lingers in this debauched skin of mine Doubt

Ang unang laro sa harap ng magazine. Maalikabok ang baba ng kama. Dito naka kubli ang tambak ng pinaglumaang magasin. May pasilip ang ilang pahina. Mga katawang nakakubli sa manipis na tela.

Malikot ang aking kamay. At ang utak ko ay sing bilis ng pagawaan ng tela. Humahabi ng kwento mula sa bibig mong pula.

Mainit ang kwarto. Bumubutil ang pawis ko. Ang bawat paglipat ng pahina. Mistulang krimen sa krus na nakapako sa dingding. Ang bawat tibok ng puso tumatambol. Mabilis, takot na mahuli. At ang hiya ay purong kamatis. Mapula, maasim laging bago sa panglasa.

sunlight spilled through thin white curtains, yellow hitting the melon walls, melon bathed the kitchen the air was warm, heat reminded me that the body was not equipped to withstand emotion that we were more than just bottles with corks meant to taste better as we age and heat, as it happens, courses through the tips of my fingers pain interrupts my train of thoughts, my breathing, my heartbeat abruptly sputters like a flicker a flame

Bottled sunlight

a supernova and high temperatures travel faster and metal making contact with skin

burnt, searing pain, course through neurons, ganglia, finally the brain and it’s this way, how your fingers trace the sides of my face, to the curves of my lips and pass the neurons, ganglia, finally the brain heat makes it’s way down down down into the walls, crevices, down my spinal cord until I taste it on the tip of my tongue, it expands my lungs, fills my gut, and down to the space between my legs and I hiss biting did little to quiet me there’s only so much heat a human body can contain

Guests Tourists, I figured, wouldn’t be bothered to grow roots. But for those who did, they leave me staring at the mirror for too long, admiring how they uprooted themselves. Here, in the space where respect should be. One uprooted himself abruptly; a man forced to climb a mountain because they said the sunrise would be worth it. It wasn’t. He was breathless, hungry, and sore. He said he wore the wrong shoes, he brought too much stuff, his jacket was too thin. Too cold, too far, too steep. And I trace the scars he left on my legs, like scratches the woods grazed on tender skin and swollen welts marked by insects. The other was a woman who left trash strewn by the shore, trash left to be engulfed by waves, buried beneath sand and bones. She uprooted herself with care and left me with charred lungs. She promised the smoke won’t kill me instantly, that it was a process like all things. She unpacked each swimsuit, each bottle of lotion and conditioner, each position she did in bed, and gingerly laid them all beside me. I inhaled her essence, consumed what air my lungs could not. And I punch my chest now as I heave and cough, I soothe what she could not. And lastly, a boy who left a dozen suitcases splayed over the floor of a hotel room he planned on staying at for two months and not more. He spat at the unevenness of my makeup, the way I smelled, the short length of my skirts, the irrationality of spending time with people other than himself. He noticed the dryness of my skin, of my mouth, of my lips. He wanted me to be familiar to the way he tasted, to the way his hands invaded my privacy, to the way he convinces me I owe him an apology. Here, in the place where respect should be. Two months became two years, his uprooting was excruciatingly slow and agonizing. Roots, I figured, bury too deep within you to leave you unshaken. Uprooting shakes up the soil, unearthing the decay they’ve snaked through, displacing the earth. And you wonder if grass, flowers, or respect will grow in the places where they uprooted themselves. Because the image in the mirror does not respond with a yes or a no. It only stares longingly at the empty spaces where they should be rooted.

HELE Kantahan mo ako ng hele para bumigat ang aking mata. Hindi ko mawari ang nadadama ng katawan. May pamimigat sa dibdib, waring may nakadagan. At ang balat na pang takip, lumulunod sa aking malamig na laman. Nababasa ako ng luha mula sa iyo. Dumadalisdis ang bawat patak, humihiwa sa natamong sugat. Ganito pala magmahalan ang asin at karne. Naamoy ko ang pamilyar na pabango ng aking inay. Nanunuot ito sa ilong, pinaghalong talulot ng rosas at matamis na kahoy. Tinatangay ako nito sa panahong sinabihan niya ako. Na hindi ko laban ang pupuntahan. Na wala akong laban simula palang. Hindi ko magalaw ang dila. Ang laway sa bunganga ay napunta na sa sikmura. Ang pandinig ay isang magulong istasyon. Puro taghoy at pangalan ko ang ulat, sa likod nito ang iba pang pangalan. Isang talaan na walang tatayo pag tinawag ang ngalan.

Ganito pala ang lasa ng tagumpay. Kapalit ng aking dugo ang isang medalyang isasabit sa aking hukay. Ang kulay na asul ang nangingibabaw sa bandila. Mataas kung tignan waring salipawpaw. Sa ibaba palagi ang pula. Isang pinagdugtong na ugat na sa ilalim ng lupa nanalaytay. Dahil dito ako nakahimlay. Sana sinabi nila. Na ang aking katawan ay piraso sa kabuuan. Isang galaw mula sa mahabang galamay. At ang utak na bumubulong ay tumatawa kasama ng katungali. Bakit kailangan kong mag-alay? Bakit kailangan mawalan ang aking mga anak ng tatay? Bakit kailangan ko pang lumaban? Bakit kailangan pa nating lumaban? Para sa bayan? Yaman? Katiwalian? Kantahan mo ako ng hele. Yung dahan dahan. Para sumabay ito sa bumabagal na pagtibok ng puso. Hawakan mo lang ang aking kamay. Ipapabaon ko sayo ang aking sukdulan. Sana kapatid hindi ka na lumaban. Sana kapatid makauwi ka ng buhay.nn Sana kapatid makatulog ka sa gabi. Huwag mong pigilan ang aking pagdudugo, hayaan mong diligan ko ang lupa. Sana sa pag-aalay ko. Mabusog ang ganid na mundo.

H ULING TAGAY “Oh kamusta?” Tinignan mo ako sa paraang kilala kita. Nakataas ang kilay mo, ang labi ay magkapatong at nakalaylay ang ibabang bahagi upang gumawa ng simangot. “Hindi na ako iinom kahit kailan” Tumawa ako ng pagak. Ilang beses na nating narinig ang linyang ito mula sa isa’t isa. Hindi rin naman nito nabago ang bilis nating kumilos pag may nagyaya na. “Eh bakit kasi ang lakas ng loob mong umorder pa ng isang tower. Hindi mo na nga alam mga pinagsasabi mo” Tinulak mo ang balikat ko tapos umupo ka sa tabi ko. Ang lamig ng paligid dahil panahon na naman ng tag ulan. Ang kalsada ay may dalang kinang dulot ng ambon. Masarap din singhutin ang hangin, kaakibat nito ang amoy ng damo at aspalto. “Eh nadala ako, ang saya kagabi eh” “Oo nadala ka nga” Natahimik ka sa sinabi ko. Saglit lang, parang natauhan. Parang naka higop ng mainit na lugaw pagkatapos malasing. Dumistansya ka ng kaunti, waring napaso ka sa biglang nabulalas ko. “Ano bang ginawa ko? May nasabi ba ko tol? Pasensya na di ko na maalala” Ako naman ang natahimik. Binusalan ko ang sarili gamit ang pag kagat sa dila ko. Dapat yata hinayaan ko nalang. Pero baka kailangan mong malaman. Baka ito lang ang paraan para malaman mo kung sino ka kapag hindi ka nagtatago sa sipa ng alak.

“Alam mo naman ang sinasabi ko” “Hindi ko nga maalala” “Tol, lasing ka pero hindi ka wasak. Wag na ka ng magsinungaling” Tumayo ka bigla. Hinablot mo ang bag mo at tinignan ako ng matalim. Akala mo siguro masakit ang titig mo. Hindi mo alam mas masakit ang pagkukunwari mo, mas masakit ang hindi mo pag-alala. Pagkalimot. “Sabi ng wala akong maalala eh. Bakit hindi mo nalang sabihin?” “Gusto mo talagang sabihin ko?” “Wag na. Wala namang kwenta yan” “Sige, mas matapang ka lang naman kapag may tama ka.” “Ano bang pinupunto mo?” “Na naalala mo lahat ng nangyari.” “Wala nga akong maalala. Hindi pwede, hindi pwedeng totoo ang naalala ko.” “Sige, wala kang naalala. Ako din wala. Pero sana sa susunod na uminom ka wag ka ng magpakalasing.” Umupo ka muli sa tabi ko. Bukod sa suot ko, nakadagdag ang presensya mo upang hindi ako mangatog sa dilim. “Hindi na talaga ako iinom kahit kailan” Tumawa tayo na parang totoong huli na nga ito.

Last Night

A SHORT FEELING OF EUPHORIA

Ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng paglaya. Isang alingaw ngaw na nagpupumilit marinig, bumubulong sa tainga na paniwalaan mo ang nakikita. Sa bungad ng aking mata nagsisimula ang dausdos ng luha. Kasabay ng pagkaupos ng kandila ay ang aking mukha na tila nalulusaw. Nakaupo ako sa iyong harapan. Nakatanaw sa bintanang hindi ko mabuksan. At ang halimuyak na dala ng mga bulaklak sa iyong paanan ay hindi sapat upang pagtakpan ang matapang na pabango ng iyong naagnas na katawan. Ang init ng lamayan. Mga nilalang na pumipila sa iyong harapan. Tinitignan ang itsura mo bago ka bawian. Nakakatawa na parang museyo ang ating tahanan. At ang bawat sulok nito ay parangal sa namayapa mong katawan. Nakakatawang pagmasdan. Isang bersyon ng iyong mukhang pinabata ng pulbos, ngiting pinapula ng lipstick at matang habang buhay ng nananaginip. Ang ganda mong tignan.

Huling gabi ngayon ng iyong palabas. Hindi ko kilala ang kalahati ng mga taong nagsasabi na sayang ang iyong itatagal. Ngunit nangangatal na akong matapos ito. Nagngangalngal ang aking katawan, gusto na kitang pakawalan. Dumating ang pari ng alas otso, umawit ang ilan para sayo. At isang mensahe mula saakin ang tumapos sa gabing nagsisimula ng mahimbing. Sana sa pagtulog nito manatili ka lamang sa iyong kahon. Ayokong bumangon ka pa mula sa higaan mo. Mahimlay ka, manahimik ka na! Masanay ka sa bilang na gabi para sayo. Ito lang ang kaya kong ibigay. Dahil bukas lalamunin ka na ng lupa. Isasauli kita sa mundong nagbigay buhay saiyo. Hahayaan kitang mabulok kasama ng mga nilimot na. Dahil lilimutin kita, isasabay kita sa huling rosas na ihahagis ko. Ngingiti ako sa pag-laya na tanging ikaw lang ang makakapag bigay. Ilulubog kita sa ala-alang pait lang ang inambag ng iyong pananatili. Pagkandili. Pwes! Ito ang huling gabing iiyakan kita sa harap nila. Uubusin ko ang alat sa katawan, isisinga ko ang labing dalawang taon na pagsasama natin. Kukumutan ko ang ating anak, bubulungan ko siya na nasa maayos na lugar ka na.

Pero wala akong pakielam kung maligaw ka. Hihipan ko ang lahat ng kandila upang mabulag ka sa paglalakbay. Susunugin kita! Papaabuhin at isasaboy sa lugar kung saan walang maapakan ang laman mo. Ang laman mong kinilala ako bilang piraso ng laman, kilo por kilong bentahan na tinitikman kapag nagkukulang. Ito ang katotohanan. Inari mo ako ng walang pahintulot. Binuksan gamit lamang ang malikot na daliri’t imahinasyon. Hinubaran ng karapatan upang tumanggi. Sinakyan, pinaandar, papuntang kasalan. Kasalanan! Diyos ko winaglit mo ako sa aking kamusmusan. Sinabihan na maswerte ako dahil ika’y natikman. Pinagmalakihan, ngunit mas malaki pa ang apog ng sanggol sa bayag mong pinabilog ng kahibangan. Pagmamasdan ko ang pagbaba mo sa lupa. Ang kalooban ko’y namumutla, nauubusan ng hininga dahil ito na! Malaya na ako sa iyo! Sa wakas! Pinalaya ko na ang sarili ko sa iyo. Tumunog ang malungkot na awit sa paligid, nag umpisa na ang pabidahan sa pagluluksa. Walang mukhang tuyo, maliban saakin. Isang ngiti ang pinakawalan ko sa ilalim ng itim na tela. Mamaya hahalakhak ako. Umuwi ako sa tahanan natin, tahimik na ito. Bukod sa amoy na iniwan ng mga bulaklak at kandila. Matamis na ang halimuyak ng sahig at dingding, tahanan ko ito. Akin ito! Pumuslit ako sa kusina kung saan nakatago ang kutsilyo sa ilalim ng lababo. Nakita ko ang sariling repleksyon sa patalim nito. At ang pangil ng buwan ay sumusuyo ng liwanag. Nagpapatingkad sa ngiting pinakawalan. Nilinis ko itong muli. Naglabas ako ng karne sa pridyider at nagsimulang maghiwa. Umakyat ako ng hagdan. Ang mga litrato sa dingding ay nakasabit. Wala na ang mukha mo sa mga ito. Wala ka na sa buhay ko. Kinatok ko ang silid, tapos pumasok ako at tinitigan ko siya. Nakaupo siya sa paanan ng katre, ang kanyang tingin ay sa labas ng bintana. Ang kanyang buhok ay hinahaplos ng hangin at ang mukha niya ay payapa. Umupo ako sa kanyang tabi. Hinaplos ko ang maliit niyang mukha. Ang kanyang bumbunan ay inaral ko. Sing tahimik ng hangin kong binulong. Salamat anak. Malaya na tayo.

Follow the sounds of bottles, their bodies clinking with each other; the sounds of maniacal laughter. Night falls upon those lucky enough to feel the cold air bite their exposed skins. Hunger lying underneath fat and muscle; lust tills up the stomach in a different way. Hold on to sanity, tightly, try to walk in a straight line. Stumble with grace, curl up by the asphalt, and pray. Follow the gut, patiently, it will wait for dusk to bring the taste of sobriety.

I worked my way through it Slowly groping what the darkness has brought While there is a tingling noise in my ears And buzz running in my nerves I am alive. Heck, I am. So I reached for it Like how the faces of saints were formed in statues With such desperation for a drop of water Like how their hands were stretched in a bizarre way trying to reach for something we can’t see But maybe you can. Maybe I can, too. So I prayed to my imaginary god I ached my back trying to break my bones just to see Just to touch Just to taste But my god is a freaking animal It growls at me with its virulent drool

and I can finally say this Can I really?) But there is an entrancing itch to just lap at everything that’s slobbering in this creature Oh god, my god, what did you do to me? I am wanting I am burning I am becoming What I glorify. Unanticipated, We interfaced like our minds have its own common ground Knuckles joint, skins rubbing like given any more time it will completely strip Caged by warmth, clutched by hope, I am alive. Heck, I am. I could identify the celestial contact that I dreamed for so long it feels mundane now But desertion is to defy a contract

And I am more than willing to be consumed. So I let it devour what’s left of me Let it slide past my tongue And form its words on the insides of me So my ears could finally have its own music Let these heavy breathings and holy chants be the chorus for this night. Let these heavy breathings and holy chants be the chorus for this night. My god, he says he’s pure. But I am more ready than ever to hear from a romancer I could die for this kind of amity I could worship this falsity forever I could die for this sinful touch I could die for this. I could die for this. And one day I will.

Your mouth is hanging loose, like screws loose on a toy I find it funny. Your eyes are mostly white they make me feel like more spaces should exist between pad papers. You sniff around waiting begging for white butterflies to come around. I let you guide my hands to where you bruise purple. Let you kiss my mouth with breath that smells like piss. Bliss. We are a packet away from drowning And the hook is in the needle that I cook with warm water. Laughter. We scatter our bones to where our clothes dry. Our pictures are hanging on trees asking, begging us to come back.

Maybe we can’t be saved anymore. I find it hard to live on the reality of others. Sometimes, when the high is enough to get me by. I think of the moment when I did’t need it. So what changed? It just feels like the happiness drained from the roots of my hair. And It grows like hunger I can’t stop. Up, the dose will never be enough. Yesterday was happy but now. I need more, It’s always new music metallic and rock and salt. So what changed? We laugh like children learning new words. Wold, it spins and I’m tired. I find it hard to live on the reality of others.

Forewarning # 01 : I am a freight train running at a kilometer per minute. Soon, I will escape my tracks and run the orbit of the solar system until I crash and burn in another planet. There, I will bury myself beneath the stars and dream of how I was tormented by the ghost of my father and how I became a ghost like him haunting men like you. Forewarning # 02 : I am amazed by the strokes of crimson and purple you paint on the planes of my chest and my stomach. They are works of art, provocative piecesmade by sensual touches and hues and swirls of lusty longing. They are beautiful, yet naively impermanent. You are an artist with the palette of sin, but dear, my buddingpainter, remember that my bones and flesh perish like the tides of the seasons. Do not make me your piece of art. I am ephemeral, a passing memory on your era of adventure.

Forewarning # 03 : My tongue is a search party for my father in the residential town of your mouth. The headlights are on and I probe hungrily for answers at the flavor of your lips. I ask for him in the space between your teeth, for clues of his location in the skin of your inner cheeks. Every kiss I leave on you is an adamant knock- a pleading. Why do I remember my father in you? Why do I see his ghost in your existence? I gasp. You breathe. And I

start searching again. You taint me with history running in your fingertips. Your hands create wars in the opposition of my mind and heart. Your smile dazzle an explosion- bursting, igniting, unsettling, and I am damaged. You sink boats of certainty sailing in the seas of my brain and create an island of doubt in myself, unsteady and unpredictable. You tame and conquer the wilderness of my soul and build a city where you are the king of everyone. And by everyone, I mean me. I am forever stained with the trail of your exploration. Postscript # 1.5 : I have forgotten how to wash my dirty linens. Postscript # 02 : When I touch myself, I imagine Canaan as my lover, the promise land with flowing honey and milk in its midst. I long to taste you and your sweetness. Postscript # 02.5 : My tooth hurts when I lick the spot behind your ears. You only respond with a tingle. Duration # 01 : The song playing in the background while we were going at it sang like reality rattling in my bones, kill me softly. Kill me softly with the

Forewarning # 05 : It will feel farther than a kilometer away to reach the paradise with my name etched on its posterior. Beware, this haven is nothing but an illusion of the desert. My body is a barren promise of happiness. I am a camp of dead sand, wilting flowers, dried-up wells, and unforgiving desperation. Postscript # 04 : You are just one of the many adventurers who have called me their discovery, a treasure trove of surprises. You might not have noticed but I have always been found. Do not take pride in my accomplishment.

teeth on my arms and clawed at them, angry of the stitches of history I made visible on my clean porcelain slate. They were marrings, tattoos of dirt and garbage on his pristine doll, his prized possession. But, you, my lover, you are soft. Not like my father. Not like my past partner. I indulge myself in your gentleness. Your knuckles do not speak of pain, they tell a story of benevolent affection.

Duration # 02 : Your fingers are fires of pleasure dancing within the cave of my desire. You are warmth, searing, burning, scorching my soul. At night, when I become a desert of cold revery, your heat reminds me of life, of happiness and mishap, of survival. I learn to thrive again. Duration # 02.5 : You melt the winter in my soul. Duration # 03 : You cannot trust me to kiss you back. My tongue is still bitter from his kisses, from my promises that went unfulfilled. Your mouth is a can opener- coercive, aggressive; you break me free from the shell of protection I keep for people like you, people who permeate walls, people who see beyond. Duration # 03.5: I do not want to be opened, yet I bloom for you. Duration # 04: You see the scars in my wrists and kiss them lovingly. You caress them softly like my mother did, like my wounds were a child-vulnerable and fragile. The last man who saw my wrists was a Chinese doll fanatic. He sank his

Skin Allergies Today feels like a Thursday with the just the right load of work pounding against the hollows of our weekly calendars demanding, we are out-of-breaths, millennials, they call us – unruly, bent, swift in the name of rules and regulations and your mother’s warnings about being along together left behind your door, key on the desk, detached from the outside as we ignore the alarms the moon gathers light

itch our eyes open and shut at the contact of our fingers reaching, tracing the spots we love to visit often, ravishing the curves and corners of this body with the tip of your tongue, marking territory on the lightning of my chest, and I explore your length and the rough patch of your skin just at the tip of your collarbone careful not to whisper any more of our secrets, we let the bed speak instead

and we unfolded ourselves like maps to navigate inside the shut windows our spines arch, to trap this

“Weng weng”

to open the dam

and spit to the earth.

This is the first drink.

in your mouth.

You are home.

A shot cold and indefinite.

You spill your guts.

You close your eyes.

hiding behind the sweetness of four seasons.

Meat covered in

The leather smells nice.

Pressed with ice.

colors invented to make you talk.

It perfectly blendswith vomit.

Cold to the tongue, numbing sensations. Your face literal with the word Faux pas. Then it makes you spin. The world forgotten by gravity. Unearthing thoughts close to the walls you built around. I guess floods are strong enough

Spill, bottoms up to hooks beneath the river you call relief. You snot your wheezes through any opening. Forbidding air to mix with sense. Because you don’t make any. There is freedom in every skeleton you chew

Both sour and bitter. The same state of shit you put yourself. Then dream of places you visit when you are brave. And slowly glance. The people pry with screw drivers. To open your pearl of orient. You must drink the sea.

I LOVE CATS I love cats Their fluffy fur Their squishy paws Their soft tails Their piercing eyes Their adorable purrs I love petting them I love holding them close and giving them hugs I love burying my face and deeply inhaling their stomachs I love chewing on their tails and licking them all over I love putting their head in my mouth and tasting their fur I love cats so much I would die for them So many cats would meow when I open the front door I can feel myself drooling when they do it in unison Sometimes I mix in some of my drool with their meal I know they love it when they look at me with expectation On chill afternoons, I would play with my cats Holding them in my arms and burying myself underneath their soft fur I would lick their bite marks to show my affection I would kiss them and lull them to sleep I love watching them sleep Sometimes I would bite them back and they would jump I knew they were excited by my action Because I get excited too At some nights, I would invite the cats inside They would huddle underneath my sheets

Their warmth makes me feel ecstatic I would cuddle and wrap around them under the covers They sometimes leave wet blankets in their sleep It smelled weird But I don’t mind since I love them My cats would hiss at me but I know they are just expressing love I would get scratches every now and then Most of them bled for long periods of time I knew the cats were just cuddling and it made me happy I would let them lick my wounds The sharp bristles of their tongues tickled It was cute and felt good I love cats Their puffy fur Their mushy paws Their sweet tails Their alluring eyes Their lovable purrs Cats are adorable and friendly and kind And I will tell everyone And everyone will agree with me

tres. you placed III of cloves— malunggay, you liked calling it the house of malunggays— on the wooden surface facing us the candlelight did little to provide any help for our eyes, saxophones did little to unknot the gut, violins did little to ease your hesitation I knew something you didn’t I don’t know what I’m doing you admitted with a shaky laugh That’s okay placing the IV of Spade on top I’ll teach you dos. bra and underwear,

strewn haphazardly like a heap of— crumpled bodies heaving. panting. worn.

hands firmly clutching the ace of spades and the queen of hearts hungrily eyeing the three cards you held between your long fingers

a thin white shirt the kind that hugged the tips of my breasts and a pair of red boxers that clung to your waist desperately trying to conceal your arousal

the II of diamonds would be one of them

diamonds, hearts, spades, clovers they make up the table five cards. two garments. say pass. say pass. say pass.

I knew I would lose I would be wet soaking wet between my thighs and I would have to settle for my small fingers attempting to reach my g-spot screw it.

I grabbed the two cards in my

My Irony I look back to write this is what I do with remembering. If all the walls have turned their backs on me and the only sound I can hear is the throbbing in my head, I sit back and breathe for a little while and try to find the right words hiding at the back of my eyelids and when all there is to see is a frame of the entire things I wish I could take back, I would keep them shut until I have the guts to open them again to the reality that time travel is still a myth. ‘Cause there’s no taking back time, there is no receipt that says I can exchange the words I said the other night, and no retail store would even agree upon a decades of warranty but heck I still wish I could go back and have a bit of revision.

Sometimes I’m having a hard time remembering things. Things that I actually need to remember. And this is me forgetting. I forget about the exact dates, important meetings and meet-ups, I forget about the facts of each day, I forget about the rice I’m cooking and honestly this is the worst trait I have. I don’t write things down that needed remembering yet I remember so that I could write and sometimes, I write to forget. So here’s to all the poems I wrote down to forget something, someone, some event I regret. Maybe the next time I read you, you become a story I outgrew, a line that I knew I’m already carved into and no matter how much I try to revise and cover you up with too many white lies,

I hope one day, when I read you, I’ll come to a point where there’s no need for cleansing the memory you hold, but there will only be the cleansing of my own soul.

Ambisyoso Attention ! Whore kcg Pu(lu)ta(n) Doubt Ang unang laro sa harap ng magazine. Bottled Sunlight Guests HELE Huling Tagay Last Night Creature Kasalan Last Night I Had Fun Spooning With You Melorde Obey the Gods Parokya Sariling Repleksyon Two #23 NICK Sex and other sins Skin Allergies Sleeping is the act of missing out We turn “weng weng” I love cats strip pusoy My Irony

literature

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George C. Beldad Jr. Krisnna Mariano Felix Daniel Carlos Ryanne Aina Unarce Krisnna Mariano Felix Daniel Carlos Ryanne Aina Unarce Ryanne Aina Unarce Felix Daniel Carlos Felix Daniel Carlos Felix Daniel Carlos Felix Daniel Carlos Rhamer Santiago Felix Daniel Carlos Ryanne Aina Unarce Jill Bernardine Jarata Daniella Ivy Ducusin Jonas Angelo Catubay Hedymir Fae Astudillo Felix Daniel Carlos Felix Daniel Carlos Jude Thaddeus Damian Franz Claire Del Rosario John Joseph Dupingay Franz Claire Del Rosario Felix Daniel Carlos John Joseph Dupingay Ryanne Aina Unarce Joana Angela Flores

SANA Pick your Poison sadism Harbringer_s Hysteria Untitled Taklob & Aroused Intoxicating Burn Deluge Untitled Of Man And Violence Yugto DELUSION Final Euphoria Untitled Beyond Bipolarity Euphoria Untitled 20th Century Diagnosis Inhale-Exhale Untitled Sky High Gloom Denial Stranger Things The Surface Of Man and Violence Halloween Rascals Dos Untitled

Illustration by Carmella Fria Lao

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Jaybee Lizada Nick Jerome C. Salgado Sonai Longsiab Aldrich Francis Penaflor Martin Shan Cheun Martin Shan Cheun & Khamilla Sualog Anonymous Cyril Joshua Cabaltera Aliza Baltong Amir Bolinto Aliza Baltong Chickle Kate V. De La Rosa Karen Nuguid & Steven Estabillo Angellie Eunice Baluyut & Margarette Curilan Naomi Bumaldash Karen Nuguid Anonymous Naomi Bumaldash Marc Jandel Buccat Untitled Samuel Joshua Madriaga Mary Rose Tiongco Carmella Fria Lao Kim Angela Santos Emmanuel Gregorio Amir Bolinto Jaybee Lizada Carl Kayne Valeriano Sonai Longsiab

photos & illustrations

Mga pasasalamat

Photo by Amir Bolinto

MGA TAGAPAYO AT INSPIRASYON Poong Maykapal, Rev. Fr. Gilbert Sales, Prof. Analyn Caroy, Engr. Jeffrey Des Binwag, VPAA Roberto Arguelles, VP Finance Noel De Leon, Mr. Edward Kidayan, Ma’am Triceayn Prestousa, Ma’am Lianne Carreon, College Editors Guild of the Philippines, Bathalas ng White & Blue, W&B ‘18-’19 (Ate Dada), W&B ‘19-’20 (Papi Janric), W&B ‘20-’21 (Ate Zy), W&B ‘21-’22 (Kyah Jandel), sa bumubuo, taga-suporta at bashers ng Puti’t Bughaw, at sa mga Luwisyanong sumusubaybay sa bawat bagong Kuwaderno. MGA HOTSPOTS AT SPONSORS Presswork venues: Kuya Bryan, Kuya JJ, SCO6 Food & Drinks: KUBO food, Turon!!!, Delfios, Pet’s, Chowking, Strawberry Yogurt c/o Kuya Nobs, Pandesal at Chiz Whiz, Steak & Toppings, Good Taste, 50’s Diner, at iba pang pumatid sa gutom bago datnan ng lockdown. Salamat sa online spaces. Messenger, Discord, Google Classroom at Meet, Zoom. Orgs: CEGP CAR, UP Baguio-Outcrop, UC Alternative, SLU school pubs; STELA Stellaris, SEA The Buttress, SAMCIS Schema, SNS (Pharma) Purple Pages, SON Nurscene Friends we made from Lambakan, OSSEI peeps, at co-journos na nakasama sa online forums #Padayon Jodel Jasmin Soriano Jr.: “hi mga ates, kuyas! because of you guys i pushed myself to be creative, productive and be responsible while i’m here at baguio, salamat po sa bawat pagsabi ng ‘hi jodel’ o kung minsan “hello jodel, musta” at pasabog na “oh jodel, tapos mo na ba assignment?” hahahaha .God’s plan. Thanks for always cheering me up, nakakagalak lang na nakilala kayo, with a twist na nalagay ko pala name ko sa W&B na akala ko sa “the butress” ako nakapag-register. Special mention po sa lahat ng Cartoonist at sa mga naging crush ko, at magiging crush ko palang !!! Theo Ardsjiel Astudillo: Through pages of ink and color, we have once again showed off our minds and talents in ways we best know how. To my family, I’m speechless to how you’ve stood by me even though I’ve sunk in the past years. To my friends in the ME department. G@go kayo pero mahal ko pa rin kayo hahaha, keep it real mga pre. To my fellow W&B members, I wish endless bounds of inspiration for you to keep on creating. To Ry, my starlight, I can thank no one more for helping me return to form with art and making my last year in W&B more than worthwhile. Keep on going, bibble. Now, for you reader, I really do hope you find your own inspirations, no matter how difficult it may seem. It could just be in front of you. You just have to squint and look hard enough. Janric Bayao: Itong munting espasyo ang isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit ninais kong sumali sa White & Blue noong ako’y bago pa lamang sa kolehiyo. Hindi ko aakalain na ngayon, nasa pang-apat na

taon ko na bilang parte ng pamilyang ito. Patuloy silang naniwala sa akin at dahil dito, lubos akong nagpapasalamat sa kanila. Marami akong natutunan, mula sa pagsusulat hanggang sa buhay, mula sa dulot nilang mga karanasan. Gusto ko rin magpasalamat sa lahat ng tao na naniwala sa aking mga kakayahan: aking pamilya, mga kaibigan, kainuman, at pati na rin sa aking sarili. Mahal na mahal ko kayong lahat. Ry: We choose to create with the fragility of our being. I want to thank you, storyteller, for accepting a part of me I have put on paper. To the Creator, for the growth and opportunities that you have given me. To my family & friends, I’m grateful for your never-ending love and support. To ink, poets, comics, and coffee; your existence elevated the quality of living. To W&B, for being my family and a home for my words; my years in university would not be complete without you. To F&E, for your time and choosing to write. To Heather & Denise, for the criticism and support. for To Franz & Felix, for keeping me sane. To Theo, you made me want to write again; thank you for warming up the world with your smile. Creation is up to the interpretation of sound and mad minds. I leave the rest to you, storyteller. Alison Tandoc: SALAMAT. First of all sa White and Blue, sa mga tao doong naluma na ng panahon hahaha jk, love ko kayo <3 at sa mga bagong nangangapa pa HAHA, sa Chicken Oil est. 2018, sa office naming lahat ng maiisip mong gawin pwede mapasports pa yan, o mahjong (na walang pustahan). Salamat din kina febe, wyeth, sharm, cristel at sa MDFs love you. Salamat din sa mga instructors kong tuwing hinahanap ako sa drafting classes namin, wala na silang narinig kundi “sir/ma’am nasa office po ng white and blue”. Anisha Myrdell Liwas: Five years nako sa SLU. Five year nako umiiyak, tumatawa, nasstress pero thriving pa rin mamsh. Thank you to my fam, frens and acquiantances. Sa mga nakilala at nakatagay sa inuman (mapa gin man yan or TEAquilla sunrise or RPG), sa mga nag alaga nung sumusuka ako, at mga inalagaan ko, sa mga nakakuwentuhan ko dahil sa espiritu, sa mga chinachat ko para magkipagcompare ng hw, sa mga nakasama ko sa group works, sa mga instructors ko na worth it pasukan, sa frens kong may fall-out, sa mga nanlibre sakin ng food at inom, mabuhay tayong lahat. Thrive din tayo sis, wag lang survive. Salamat SLU pero nakakairita pa din bureacracy dito. Sana mabago mo din yung mga studyante/faculty mong sobrang passive, homophobic at makikitid ang utak. Salamat W&B sa paggising at pagmulat mo sakin. Sa mga predecessors, batchmates, at successors (wow) ko, salamat. Sana, we are more than just a paper pa din kahit na graduate ako. Hedymir Fae Astudillo: Thanks you W&B, fam (hey, sissy), BMLS1 Block L friends (Frances, Kweeney, Jay Virgel, Rolando), shs-buds-turned-college-bffs (Peter, Kathrina, Aje, Pao). You guys make be better. Carl Kayne Valeriano: My fam, I miss and love you guys so much. My Panda Bread, my fam, supporters, and my unpaid therapists, you guys are irreplaceable. Tatsulok Team, Jandel & Kim, more raket (for photo and video services email us at “emailtatsulok@gmail.com” HAHAHA, more kape (except Jandel), and sleepless nights. My White & Blue fam, I am so proud to be a part of this publication and to all

readers out there, please join us next school year.

ako sa laban na ito. Maraming Salamat. ^-*

Robe Martin Reyes: Maraming salamat Lord for this amazing life, sa walang sawang pagbibigay ng opportunities upang matuto at makarananas ng mga bagong bagay. • Very thankful for my Parents, especially to my Mom na hindi nagkulang sa pagpapalaki sa aming dalawa ni kuya kahit na mag-isa ka, at kailangan mo ng mauna, maraming salamat dahil pinilit mong lumaban at nagpakatatag ka hanggang sa huli, I love you and I miss you Ma, also to my Kuya, kaya natin to. • Very thankful din ako sa mga tita and tito ko especially to my Tita Pat and Tito Merle for being there, always supporting me, Tita Angie and Tito Roni na tinuring na din akong parang sarili nilang anak, Tito Bong, Tita Irene, and Tita Gigi, kila Ate Gaylee and family, sa mga pinsan ko. • Salamat sa mga high school friends, teachers, The Magnificat and of course to Lezzi Fam. • Sa lahat ng nakilala ko at nameet sa buhay, sa mga bago kong nakilalang friends, especially sa White & Blue at syempre PJ fam, Buttress, BSMecE-1-1, instructors, profs, mga kaballers, kadota, kaboarding, and kay special someone hehe. Sa lahat ng naging part ng life ko, thank you very much :)))

Chixdelarosa: 3 Years of being in W&B, I’m crying internally. Too many things, places and people to thank. Growing up, I always thought leaving was easier, I guess not this time. To sum it all up, SC06-White&Blue Family truly became a home for all. I honestly don’t know what to write here huhuhu, salamat sa lahat lahat T_T. Will forever keep the lessons, the people, the laughter and everything in between safe in my heart. Thanks for all the love puti’t bughaw. Mahal ko kayo, keep making history!

Franz Claire Del Rosario: First and foremost, I would like to offer my gratitude to my family – for their support, acceptance, warmth, and for giving me my pillow and not taking it away from me; to my pillow, for being with me for nearly 20 years; to the #SAWIBROKE people: Celine, Patricia, Nico, Jaymee, Crisha, and Diana – the only friends who stayed even after high school, I pledge to spend more time with you; to my go-to people during episodes, Eyjay and Jed; to the people who opened doors and left them ajar; to the friends I now consider as family: Ate Ara, Mami Mae-Mae, Mama Jep, Trisha, Kaye, Poorita (Janine), among others; to White & Blue, for the words that swell and quiver and burst and deliver; to the universe for giving birth to dandelions and slightly-open windows; to the tigang people, cold showers do not work; to our cat in a box, I promise to feed you and try really hard not to be awkward; to Saukerl (to hold you is to feel human), for the multiverse of human emotions; and lastly, to you, love, for reading.

John Joseph Dupingay: To be honest, while I have been a part of the publication ever since I was in my first year, it’s my first time actually writing for Kuwaderno. I can’t point to one very significant thing that stopped me from doing so all those years ago. Perhaps it was all the academics. Perhaps I was just too shy to mingle with strangers. Perhaps I was just lazy. Believe it or not, it was only the semester of last year that I formally got to write about stuff proper without any semblance of shyness and intimidation. I’m always late for the party, I suppose. Needless to say, I’m quite happy to actually be submitting something before my graduation. I would like to thank everyone in the publication for welcoming me with open arms despite my noticeable lack of presence for the past years. Thank you to the different departments for the friendships and interactions despite the differences of the materials we work with. Love ya, guys. Regardless of everything that has happened for the past semester, all the good and the bad, I love you all. I really do.

Esther Alethea Munson: Thank you. I want to thank first of all my family for supporting me through this wild ride called college. Everything has its own ups and downs, and I couldn’t ask for anyone else to ride it with me. I would also like to thank White and Blue for giving me the opportunity to pursue my passions. You’re all like one big, dysfunctional family, but family nonetheless. I wish I had more time to know all of my fellow friendly weirdos, but I can’t complain. This is my way of sending my love to all of you! Mwa! <3 Sonai Longsiab: On my first year in college, I feel so grateful for being a part of White & Blue, special thanks to ate Heneza Mendoza for introducing the organisation to me and encouraging me to join. Thank you White & Blue for letting me be a part of you!!! I hope to learn a lot more in the future :D Zyra Grace Binwag: Kay Mama at Daddy at sa mga kapatid ko sa pagsuporta pa rin sa akin kahit bagsak bagsak na ang mga grades ko. Sa mga kaibigan ko na hindi nang-iiwan kahit irregular na ako. White & Blue sa pagiging isang pamilya at sandalan, at sa mga kasamahan ko sa ibang org na hindi nanghuhugsa maging sino ka man. At kay God, na kailanman ay hindi niya ipinaramdam na mag-isa

Sister: Una sa lahat, salamat sa yunibers sa hindi pagtakwil sa sampid na tulad ‘ko hahaha andito pa rin ako at nakakapagsulat pa kahit papano. So tenks. Pangalawa, salamat kay Ivan na pinagkukuhanan ko ng lakas at…pera hahaha. Juk lang. Pangatlo, salamat sa pamilya ko dahil confirmed na hindi ako ampon. Legit ako. Tenks fam. Pang-apat, salamat sa convenience store malapit samin, araw-araw ako bumibili ng pagkain dun pero sana next time i-ecobag na nila mga naipapamili nila. Panlima at panghuli, sa White & Blue, na naging pamilya at tahanan ko dito. Aylabyu mga mamasang, ‘yun lang. Intan aginum kitdi!

Martin Shan Cheung: Maraming salamat sa pagkakataong makapagpasalamat sa mga tao at mga bagay na karapat-dapat pasalamatan, mabuti man o hindi mabuti ang naidulot sa aking buhay at pagkatao. Maraming salamat sa ating Diyos na lumikha ng langit, lupa at ng buong mundo. Nais ko rin pong pasalamatan ang mga magulang kong patuloy na nagsusumikap at nagpapakahirap upang pag-aralin ako, ang mga taong humubog sa kaisipan at kakayahan ko, maraming salamat sa mga papuring natatanggap ng angkin kong mga sulat at litrato, sa napakalamig na klima at napakagandang tanawin ng Baguio, at kay Danielle E., salamat. a.c.g.d.: to the people who know me for who i am, yet still chose to stay, thank you. thank you for choosing to stay despite the fault limes that run across my body. thank you for accepting me, broken mask and all. you have seen me at my weakest, and you’ve stayed throughout my journey.i hope i can do the same. you are stars in a sea of blackened souls. you are the good in the universe. you guys are the reason why i’m starting to see that maybe, i’m good enough. thank you, so much. Jandel Buccat: Unang-una, nagpapasalamat ako sa Diyos na siyang patuloy na gumagabay sa akin.

Pangalawa naman ay sa aking mga magulang at kapatid na nagsisilbing inspirasyon sa buhay. Pangatlo, sa aking mga kaibigan, Panda Mars, Bukal de Gonzaga, Tatsulok at iba pa na laging sumusuporta. Panglima, sa SLU na humuhubog sa aking kakayanan. Panganim, sa Puti’t Bughaw na tumanggap at patuloy na lumilinang sa aking kakayanan sa peryodismo. Pangpito, sa mga nakaligtaan ko, maraming salamat pa rin! Mahal ko kayo! Panghuli, sa mga mambabasa ng Kuwaderno XVII, padayon! <3 Rham: Maraming Salamat White and Blue sa pagtitiwala sa akin. Thank you Santiago and Gutierrez fam for supporting me. Love u sexbombss. Shane Damiyay: Arrigato, Komawo,Grazi, Thank You, Salamat white and blue for adopting me yieeh*insert tears* Margo: One of the things I am most thankful for in my life is being a part of White & Blue. I was able to expand my creativity and gain new insights about many things because of the people I met there. Those people, and the memories that I made during my stay in this org will always be a blesaing to me. Thank you for the opportunities, for the happy and sad times, thank you for being my family. Proud PJ (20172019). SON Batch 2019. Future RN. Future MD. Daniella Ivy: To all my kaanib dito sa kapatiran ng SCO6, maraming salamat! To my F&E seniors and babies, thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts and for teaching me things that I thought I did not need. Nay Franz at Tay Pilix, thank you for being my safe place. To my dorm sisters Loca and Panyang, thank you for all the “ worrying about the future” talks and loud laughs that almost got us kicked out. Panda Bread and Mars, and Boarders ni Kuya Will— mahal ko kayo, umiwas na tayo sa sisig station at milktea utang na loob! To my parents, everything I do is all for you. To the beautiful cosmic, thank you. Musika at sining, maraming salamat sa palagiang pagsalba sa akin. To my eight-year-old self, I hope I making you proud. Bryan B. Unico: Dear reader, Forgive me for being cheesy when I say thanks for all the moments we’ve had whatsoever, including this moment of you reading this. Special mention & thanks for Engg. pips na kasangga sa mga labanang acads. All love to W&B, for taking a chance on me as a member and as a friend. Thank you, all of you, for being a part of great experiences. p. s. In this fleeting world, remember to take care of the connections that you want to keep. Jonas Angelo Catubay: I want to give thanks to Ralph, Franz, Ate Hannah, Kuya Jude, Ate Anisha, Ate Angella, Ate Marg, Kuya MJ, Janric, Zyra, and other W&B friends, thank you for the best years of my college life. To CJ, Kiel, Vincent, Princess, Louie, Ferg, Rose, Aaron, and psych peeps, thank you for not busting me for my jokes. To our News babies (2018-2019) I hope every single one of you will achieve all of your dreams as part of W&B. Lastly, to Nicole, Ezra, Kat, Deo, and non-psych friends, this pasasalamat is for all of you. I’ll miss you all. Ciao! Felix Daniel Carlos: Isang malaking palakpak sa Ina kong si Alma at ama kong si Nolan dahil minsan

naisip nilang lumikha ng supling at sa kasamaang palad ako ang ilinuwa. Salamat dahil minahal nila ako at ang hilig ko sa pagsusulat. Salamat kay Ate Zip na bangko ko kapag gipit, kay Ate Ruth na lagi akong pinapatawa at kay Kuya Aved na sinusubukang punan ang naiwan. Salamat sa Pamilyang Carlos at Reyes sa pagsakay sa utak kong laging magnitude 7 ang pag-aalburoto. Salamat sa Bagong kulto (Jaesol,Abby,Audrey at Marvs). Salamat Duty group 1/2. Salamat sa mga BGH people. Makabagdamdaming pasasalamat sa White&Blue sa pagkilala saakin bilang higit pa sa tahimik na batang may saltik. Kay Denise sa pagpapalaki, kay Ryanne at Franz sa pagkakaibigan. Sa F&E dep’t (laban lang). Salamat sa Pusoy,2x2, Siomai Rice, at higit sa lahat salamat sa mga mambabasang mahilig manghubad ng pahina at manghimay ng letra. Adios. Kyra Eufelle: I’m baby, but… to my cartooning department babies, y’all did great and made mama super proud! To my favorite Gemini, Aries, Pisces, and Scorpio, thank you for having my back always! And to every hooman in SC06, thank you, Marie Joys and sunshines of my life—for all the uwus and onos! This year was my best year because of White & Blue! Mahal ko kayo! I will surely miss the late night dinners and the in-betweens. Wawets! Stephanie: My purpose in illustrating was already fading. And then I learned about White and Blue, later got accepted. In those times, I’m very grateful because I enjoyed the things I’ve learned like mind games, for the quality laughs and cringy jokes and, for the space provided for my nap times. Though I’m still in the quest of finding my purpose to continue illustrating but, I’ll enjoy this process of discovering it. Thank you very much, W&B family, Chief made me say that. Luwy Jane: To my family, friends, classmates and colleagues, ninongs and ninangs, to Jophiel (much love), and kay crush (hug mo ako bago ka maggraduate please), for all of the motivation, assistance, inspiration and support from then until now, you are all greatly acknowledged and appreciated. My sincere thanks to y’all for everything. A prayer is dedicated for the poor soul of Celia, the boomer landlady who enjoys slander and lying through what’s left of her rotten teeth, and who’s infamously known for the worst dorm experience ever in Bakakeng. Get an education. Be more humble. May she rest in peace, Amen. Karen Faith: To White & Blue family, For being my walking stick in my early days of college, For the positive vibe that eases up every circumstance, For hanging out with me in this room for improvement, For your company is always an opportunity to grow, For your voices are louder than the noises inside my head, For I’ve found a new home in this unfamiliar place, For all the laughter and warm hugs, Thank you. Jonekah Alexine: Thank you for the support and encouragement of all those individuals who never lost hope and faith in what we do. Thank you to everyone who appreciated our works, since they

showcase each and every member’s unique personality and take on things. And lastly, Thank you for a great start! Angelo: Unang una po, nagpapasalamat ako sa Panginoon for making things possible, and to my mom for finding my stuff for me. I would also like to give my thamks to White and Blue for accepting my sorry ass. Salamat po for having faith in me. Thamk you for providing me love and affection baby did I mention……gives me love and affection tanan tanan tanan tanan tanan…. Hindi uhm…. ano po hahahahahahaha salamat for the lessons and encouragements po. It really helped me get my sh*t together. Here’s to more poop with y’all ……BOOP! Carmella Fria: Hi Hello ;D Unang una sa lahat Maraming salamat sa pag buklat ng Kwadernong ito, sana masiyahan kayo ng TODO!! Maraming Salamat W&B Fam !! Salamat sa pag tanggap ,pag kupkop ,at pag mahal saamin mga JuNiOrS Hart Hart ♡ Salamat mga cartooning bbs!♡ Ate Ry! Salamat sa pag recruit sakin yieee ~ Sana Subaybayan at supportahan nyo pa ang aming mga susunod na kabanata !(/ OwO)/ SALAMAT! Naomi: To my family: Thank you for giving me to freedom to choose my path in life, and thank you for providing me with my needs and wants despite my shortcomings. To my friends: Thank you for being there despite my weirdness and crazy rants. Here’s to more years of memes, dark humor and stuff. To the White and Blue fam: Thank you for accepting me into this wonderful organization. I hope to give increasingly better works as I get to know you all better. And, to everyone I have met: Thank you for being a part of my journey uwu Khamilla Mae: Salamat. Kay mama at papa, para sa pagkain, pagmamahal, at sa pagbayad ng tuition ko. Sa kapatid ko, maghugas ka naman ng pinggan. Kina Karrisa, Ayn, Iah, Ehri, Patty, Earl, Bryan, Zyna, Jojie, Izza, Audrey, para sa pagiging buhay lang – miss ko na kayo, slight. Kay Karrisa, utang mo. Kina Ached, Sandra, Rufi, Ana, Ana Mary, Kat, at sa mga nakilala ko sa accounting, sama-sama tayong mabaliw. Sa professors naming napakagaling magturo, sa pagbibigay inspirasyon saming nababaliw. Kay ate Kyra, Lolao, buong cartooning dept., at buong puti’t binubugaw. Sa’yo, sa pagbabasa nito. At kay papa G, para sa lahat Jayne Macrine: Hallo! Una sa lahat, gusto ko lamang ipaabot sa Puti’t Bughaw ang aking pasasalamat sa pagtanggap sa isang mabait na taong tulad ko. At sa aming mapagmahal na ina! Mama Kyraaa Maraming salamat sa walang humpay na paggabay at pag-aalaga sa amin. Salamat, Mahal kita! Sa aking mga kapatid sa Cartooning Department, ipagpatuloy niyo lang ang mga mabubuting gawain. Sa mga kaibigan kong hindi ako iniwan sa mga panahong nahihirapan ako sa pag-aaral, TEAM TOMBONGS! Salamat! Huli ay para sa aking mga magulang na hindi napagod sa paggabay, pagsuporta at pagmamahal para sakin. Mahal ko kayo, Salamat. Panginoon, naway patuloy niyo kaming gabayan at alalayan sa lahat ng aming gagawin. Maraming salamat sa lahat, lahat ng ito ay inaalay namin para sayo. Andrely: Hayskul pa lamang, madalas ko nang makita sa school lobby namin ang booth ng White & Blue, bawat pahayagan na naroon ay aking kinokolekta dahil sa ako’y tagahanga ng kanilang mga

obra lalo na sa pagguhit napakagaganda at sopistikado. Habang binubuklat ko ang bawat pahina ng mga pahayagan na aking nakuha nararamdaman ko ang kuryente na dumadaloy sa aking mga ugat na ang kuhulugan ay ituloy ko ang aking hilig, sabay sambit sa aking sarili “balang araw magiging isa ako sa mga editorial cartoonist sa institusyong ito at makikilala din aking mga gawa”. Sa aking ikalawang-taon sa kolehiyo habang ako’y naglalakad pauwi sa lobby nakita ko nanaman ang booth ng W&B, hindi ako nagatubiling isinulat ang aking pangalan para sa screening ng editorial cartoonists. Sa kabutihang-palad, ako’y natanggap sa institusyong ito, malaking karangalan para sa akin na maging isang ganap na editorial cartoonist. Ako’y nagpapasalamat sa diyos, sa aking magulang na sumusuporta sa akin, sa aking mga kaibigan, sa departamento ng Radiologic Technology na aking kinabibilangan at sa White & Blue na naging pamilya ko na rin. Emmanuel Gregorio: Maraming salamat po sa pagiimbita sakin sa W&B. Binabati ko po mga kababayan ko jan sa La Union. Nandito na po ako sa W&B hooooo!!! Binabati ko rin po sila mama at papa. Mahal ko po keyo!ehe Angellie Baluyut: Mahal, salamat sa dalawnag taon ng masaya at masiglang pagsasama. Lubha akong naging masaya sa ating dalawa ngunit dumating na ang panahon para pakawalan kita at maging malaya ka na. Salamat sa mga tawang hatid mo sa akin, mga regalong walang kasing wari at ang buong pusong pagmamahal na ipinaramdam mo sa akin. Ngayon ang pasasalamat na ito ang huling pasasalamat ko sayo kasi alam kong masaya ka na sa piling ng iba. Salamat at nakilala kita, salamat at ipinaranas moa ng tamis ng unang pag-ibig. Muli, paalam at salamat. Mikmik Ebalo: As pretentiousness this sounds, the first person I extend my thanks to: is myself. For finding a path that genuinely made me happy. Thanks to my family whose shoulders I stand on today as they help build my future, to my friends whose shoulders I lean on when I’m too scared to face my fears, to my cat who smells like farts but keeps me company in the darkest moments of my life. Hats off to the years, spent and wasted on things trivial and profound. A thanks to the org that appreciates my strangeness and keeps me despite my weird nature. Slivovica to the memories and years to come. Kim Angela: Unang una sa lahat, maraming salamat sa aking pamilya, sa patuloy na pagsuporta sa daang tinahak ko at sa sakripisyong hindi ko kailanman matutumbasan. Salamat din sa lahat ng seniors namin sa W&B. Maraming salamat sa pagkupkop sa amin sa panahong ulila kami sa loob ng unibersidad. Maraming salamat sa pagtitiwalang binigay niyo sa bawat isa sa amin. Maraming salamat din sa mga kaibigan ko sa loob ng unibersidad – Sexbomb. Maraming salamat sa pagtanggap sa’kin, kahit kadalasan hindi ako katanggap-tanggap. At sa nagbabasa nito, sana’y nakatulong ang mga piyesa sa kwadernong ito, padayon! Emmanuel Del Rosario: Hindi eksakto ang bilang ng mga letra, hindi tiyak ang bilang ng mga salitamaging sukat at tugma’y hindi kayang ilarawan. Lubos ang pasasalamat nang nagkampi ang kalawakan at aking panulat. Muling pinag-apoy ang nagniningas na kagustuhang sumulat. Kahit minsa’y ideya ko’y sabaw- mga artikulo’y hilaw. Salamat. Sa nag-uumapaw na support system mula sa opisyal na publikasyon ng Unibersidad na ito.

Kailanma’y hindi ko naramdamang ako’y iba- hinayaan lang nilang ipakita ko ang aking ibubuga. Puti’t Bughaw, isa ka na sa mga tahanan ko- patuloy akong uuwi sa ‘yo. Sana’y manatili ka. Janine Laureta: With splintered feet and a mile walk Bruised, battered and damaged Tossed aside and disregarded It had been a shot in the dark A wishful thinking But like rain in the desert The vagabond found an abode Two flights of stairs and a creaky door A makeshift bed and empty cups It wasn’t a house, but it was a home A tiny room with white tiles A mother’s embrace A father’s patience Blessed with heart felt laugher and somber tears And although temporary, the wanderer found their place To my White and Blue Family, I am glad to be home Rio Jane Rabaca: Thank you to whoever who it is out there. Thank you to the people who have chosen to stay to journey this unfathomable life with me. Thank you to the people who had been a part of my life but are now walking in a path different from mine. Thank you for letting all of your voices reach mine. May the time we had spent not wither away with the leaves nor be carried away by the wind. In the sincerest part of myself, I thank you. Jamyla Uy: Una sa lahat, nagpapasalamat ako sa utak ko na hindi sumuko sakin kahit alam ko na pakonti-konti na ito nawawala. Nagpapasalamat din ako sa nanay ko at sa kanyang mga walang sawang sermon na nagpapaalala na walang bobo sa mundo sadyang natatangi lang ako at sa aking ama na laging sumusuporta sa lahat ng kalokohan ko. Sa aking kapatid, Jen, isa lang masasabi ko wowow. Sa aking jowa (sana ol), Dex, salamat sa pagtitiyaga sa aking toyo, suka, bagoong, u da best. At sa aking mga kaibigan, mga minamahal, kape naaa. Salamat puti’t bughaw sa pagtanggap sakin!! Aylabyu ol!! Cyber Domingo: Well, this piece of backlog art took a massive time to create, I think 4 years at max. Grade 12 palang ako non! Compiling all the literary and photographs and illustrations was an interstellar almost never-ending phase but thanks to Fearless, RED, folklore, and evermore, our stress and depress moments were subtly compensated. Thank you crushie for being my inspiration charot lang hahaha tambay ka lagi sa discord ha para ganahan ako mag layout gahahaha mwah see you soon baby char hahaha mwah

(: Hi! thanks for taking interest in reading this Kuwaderno, and thanks for reading until this part. You are deeply appreciated by W&B. I hope we get to read and publish your works too! Hoping you bluer skies and sunshine! Thanks for being here!