WOMEN IN BUSINESS
PARENTING WHILE INTROVERTED Tips & Tricks To Find The Quiet You Crave by Taslim Jaffer I scanned the dining area of the dimly lit restaurant, but didnât see anyone that I recognized. This wasnât surprising; I was one of dozens of people on the guest list at my friendâs 40th birthday party, but I only knew a handful. As an introvert, I was fine making my way to a table at the back, smiling politely at those who made eye contact, and enjoying the company of my own thoughts until someone I knew showed up. The birthday girl and her sisters arrived shortly after me. After introductions were made, I struck up a conversation with one of her sisters, who I learned was an avid traveller. I was preparing for my first big overseas trip, and was happy to get some tips from someone more experienced. Quickly, I dove deep into the reasons why I was journeying back to my birthplace and eventually found myself in that awkward space of being at a large, loud party and monopolizing one personâs time in a deep conversation. I recognized that I had skipped the small talk (which introverts find exhausting) and was baring my soul to a perfect stranger. My thoughts ping-ponged between, âStop it, Taslim, youâre being weirdâ and âBut this could be a great conversation.â In the end, I let the poor woman mingle with her family and friends and then breathed a grateful sigh when my friendâs husband â a fellow introvert â approached and asked if I was reading anything good. I mean, who doesnât love a twenty-minute discussion about the merits and deficits of a current read while at a party? My life as an introvert has always included being on the lookout for the perfect kind of company. This might sound counter-intuitive â arenât introverts supposed to shun people? That is a common misconception. Itâs not people, necessarily, we avoid. Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Canât Stop Talking defines introversion as, âpeople who prefer quieter, more minimally stimulating environments.â Iâve never been drawn to big groups of loud people; instead, my radar alerts me to the quiet, thoughtful ones. Thatâs not to say we
20 WestCoastFamilies.com
arenât a fun bunch. I love being with people who make me laugh. Being introverted does not equal being somber and boring. It simply means I crave authentic connections â and keeping up with anything beyond that is tiring and unfulfilling. In this digital age, when texting is the norm, and communication largely happens via social media, real connections are lost. For an introvert who prefers an intimate gathering space as well as peace and quiet to recharge, social feeds can be an assault. Christina Crook, co-founder of JOMO Digital Mindfulness Retreats and author of The Joy of Missing Out, explains why the information highway is lacking. âIt turns out we need more than information to make meaning. Human connection in real time - the eye contact, the social cues, though sometimes intimidating for the introvert - is what our hearts long for most. âGoing thereâ - going deep fast, as introverts tend to do, is a survival mechanism.â So, how do we honour our need for quiet and minimally stimulating environments in a digital world? And how do we make meaningful connections when we have become accustomed to keeping our heads bent over our phones? Here are 5 tips on how to make social connections as an introvert in the digital age: 1) Know What You Love Make a list of activities that are important to you. I am willing to bet that the activities that add meaning to your life, and help you recharge and alleviate your stress are not linked to the internet. Remembering the activities that truly fulfill you may inspire you to find time for them. Start with one and schedule it in! 2) Connect Regularly with Close Friends Studies have shown that those of us who enjoy close relationships with other people have better quality of life and even live longer than those who donât. Therapist Dr. Saira Sabzaali explains, âFor female brains, reaching out to other women is an adaptive response to stress, it can lower our stress. These are people who are close to you, who are meaningful to you.â
I look forward to my Friday morning drive to work that allows me a 30-minute call with my good friend. I feel more connected to her because of this tradition than I would if I were gleaning information about her life from her social feeds. I prefer the stories that my close friends share with me on the phone or over tea rather than the âstoriesâ I might catch on Instagram. 3) Find a Group Outside of Facebook Another great way to connect with people offline is to join an interest-based group. Do you enjoy reading? Join or start a book club! Are you learning a language? Search for a local group on meetup.com and get to know people in your area with similar goals and interests. This is a double win because you are pairing a joyful activity with meeting like-minded people. 4) Combine Self-Care with Social Contact Itâs true, introverts recharge in quiet and, often, alone. But a heart-to-heart with a friend on a walk around the neighbourhood can have multiple benefits. It can be easy to lose ourselves in the digital world even outside on a walk as we plug in to podcasts and audiobooks, but those donât give us the same nourishment as contact with real people. In Susan Pinkerâs TED Talk, The Secret to Living Longer May Be Your Social Life, she talks about what happens when we make even brief and casual human contact: âFaceto-face contact releases a whole cascade of neurotransmitters, and like a vaccine, they protect you now in the present and well into the future. So simply making eye contact with somebody, shaking hands, giving somebody a high-five is enough to release oxytocin, which increases your level of trust and it lowers your cortisol levels. So it lowers your stress. And dopamine is generated, which gives us a little high and it kills pain. Itâs like a naturally produced morphine.â So, my fellow introverts, donât stop seeking those face-to-face, intimate moments with people you are drawn to! Itâs good for our health, especially in this digital world.