WISDOM
PARENTING IN A PANDEMIC By Megan de Beyer
A psychologist shares what brave South African moms and dads have reported about their experience of parenthood in the time of COVID-19
“Parents are meant to keep their kids safe, and I fear I can’t control all the uncertainties,” said one dad.
“Having the family together and my teens, without friends, for an extended period has been unique. We sit down for dinner every night with the intention of hearing everyone’s point of view. We have talked about so many things and debated issues. It gave my eldest a newfound confidence. This has been great to experience,” one mother of four told me.
Homes have become hardworking multi-purpose arenas, stretching to accommodate workspaces, gyms, cookouts, schoolrooms and entertainment hives as well as being zones of safety and at least some semblance of peace.
Another parent confided: “I’m hated right now. I’m either nagging or losing it. We are in each other’s space all the time, and I can’t stand watching my kids lazing around or glued to screens all the time. It’s so frustrating.”
It’s by working as a team, sprinkling magic into the mundane, and talking things through that you can survive. Engaging, embracing and connecting in a raw and real way are key.
It has been a tough time for parents, and especially mothers who have carried the load of creating a stable home as nurturers, cleaners, cooks, workers and teachers. Like the goddess Durga, mothers have had to grow eight arms, or develop the fury of the goddess Kali - who won’t hesitate to cut off a few heads. Many dads, too, are much more hands-on than ever, encouraging exercise, games and ‘getting stuff done’.
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Families are trying to negotiate their overtaxed relationships, repackaged work lives, and uncertain health conditions while remaining solution-focused to keep the whole boat afloat.
Since the start of the lockdown, I’ve spoken to almost 100 parents via my online parenting courses, email or Zoom therapy sessions. Many stories are similar, including ups and downs, juggling children’s fears, teenage grief, new safety rules, online schooling, and too much screen time. Mostly, I’ve had to help parents assuage guilt or anticipatory grief (the fear of ‘what if’, followed by imagined negative outcomes).