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November 1, 2017
Community of Caring | Suicide/Mental Health
OAKPARK.COM | FORESTPARKREVIEW.COM
‘Modeling forward movement’ for oneself and a family
LOSS begins holding support meetings in River Forest
River Forest’s Coe family two years out from son’s death By Lacey Sikora
Kristen notes that it was incredibly beneficial to have friends and family alongside them who did not try to repair the unrepairable. Calling or Marc and Kristen Coe of River Forest, the outpouring of love and kindness humbling, the suicide of their son Hunter in 2015 she says “It takes a unique soul to be able to sit was an entry into a club they had never with someone else’s sadness and not be comanticipated joining. At 24, Hunter had pelled to try to fix it.” graduated from college, was engaged to be For Kristen, it also helped to attend Loving married and happily employed. Kristen recalls, Outreach to Survivors of Suicide “This was not on our radar screen (LOSS) meetings. Now holding for him. Not to be trite, but he had monthly support groups in River the world before him. It was quite Forest, the group offers meetings unexpected.” for adults and teens as well as Other family members had individual counseling for those struggled with depression, so Kristouched by suicide. Kristen says ten says they had a fluency with one of the keys to support is recthe language of mental illness, but ognizing that everyone’s journey compares their fluency to learning with suicide is different. French in the classroom and then “Individuals who have lost a actually being in France and having loved one to suicide need to be Kristen Coe to order a meal. “Death by suicide patient with themselves and allow is so jarring on so many levels. Fluhealing methods to take whatever ency doesn’t mitigate how jarring form they need to take.” that experience is for survivors of the loss.” For Marc and Kristen, one of the ways to Over the past two years, the Coes have sought work through their grief was to honor Hunter’s out a variety of methods of dealing with their memory, and they reached out to the Oak Park grief. Coe credits therapy for the family, which River Forest Community Foundation for guidincludes Hunter’s three siblings, and long walks ance. Remembering what she calls Hunter’s with her husband, as well as the presence of huge personality, and his ability to engage family and friends, with helping them on their others with his quick wit and kind heart, they journey. sought a productive way to stake a place for his legacy. On what would have been Hunter’s 25th birthday, they founded Be the Boat (www. betheboat.org.) Inspired by a prayer of St. John of the Cross read at Hunter’s memorial service in their family room, Be the Boat not only ties in the idea of suffering and love, but the family’s love of boating. With a handmade canoe hanging from the family room ceiling and a kayak crafted by Hunter on display in the house, boating has a special significance to the Coe family. Hunter taught swim lessons and was a
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“It takes a unique soul to be able to sit with someone else’s sadness and not be compelled to try to fix it.”
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life guard, and the Coes decided that providing swim lessons to at-risk children would be a fitting legacy for Hunter’s memory. Kristen says of the effort, “I don’t expect this will be seed money for an Olympic swimmer, but the idea that a light bulb could go off and this confidence could be parlayed into other experiences – we’re trying to seed positive life experiences for others, which is a lovely legacy for Hunter.” Kristen says that their family will always be irrevocably changed by what happened, but recognizes how important it is for her and Marc to help her children continue to live. “It’s important to Hunter’s siblings and to Marc and me to model forward movement and find joy where possible. We are absorbing our love for Hunter and his death into a narrative that allows our children to find joy and move ahead. They have long lives ahead of them.” Today, she hopes that sharing their story will help those facing grief as well as young adults facing challenges. She keeps in her heart the lovable young boy who set off a fire alarm at Logan Airport as a toddler and kept her on her toes the rest of his life. She says that shortly before his death, he ripped a page out of a magazine with the quote, “If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” She says, “It’s a great takeaway. He loved passionately. We still have maraschino cherries and truffle oil in our kitchen because he loved them.”
LOSS, Loving Outreach to Survivors of Suicide, has recently begun holding meetings in River Forest. There is a monthly support group for adults who have lost a loved one to suicide. There is also a new support group focused just on teens who have faced such a loss. The adult meeting is from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. on the third Monday of the month and is held at the River Forest Community Center, 8020 Madison St., River Forest. The teen group meets on the third Thursday of the month from 6 p.m. to 7:30 p.m. and is also held at the River Forest Community Center. Rev. Charles Rubey, a Catholic priest who founded LOSS 40 years ago, will offer a Mass of Remembrance for those who have lost a loved one to suicide. That will be on Saturday, Nov. 11 at 5 p.m. at Ascension Church in Oak Park. LOSS is a program long sponsored by Catholic Charities. These events are free and non-denominational. There is no religious component discussed and all are welcome.
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