6 minute read
Child-like Challenges With A Lover’s Choices by Jose Wright, Jr.
Child-like Challenges With A Lover’s Choices
By: Jose Wright, Jr.
Advertisement
We have an interesting dilemma on our hands, don’t we? Love in 2021 still isn’t what many people would’ve hoped for. We can account for large numbers of movie selections that feed our desire to love on the big screen, but when it comes to the dating pool today? Well...you might as well take a look around you. I’m sure you know a few very happy couples who can attest to the genuine love you probably want to feel, but you likely can also point out the broken hearts and shattered romances too. The latter portion will be in a much greater number, won’t it? Seriously, do some self reflection and dig into your memory bank. What does your romantic resume look like? Have you done more smiling than frowning, or do the memories that you can recall make you want to isolate yourself from all human life? I know all too well that this love journey doesn’t come with a tangible instruction manual, and it surely doesn’t come with any safety measures for your emotionally affected organs. Trial and error gets tiresome, breakups are more numerous than you may feel is necessary, and we all have collectively not yet found the key to make dating make sense!! I have noticed in my many interrogative dialogues with random couples (well known and not-so-familiar), that experiences and specific patterns greatly affect relationships! Where do these things tend to stem from in many cases? The answer is childhood!
Ladies and gentlemen, what happened to you as a child can DEFINITELY and DRASTICALLY affect how you interact in your adult relationships.
Emotional cravings (or lack thereof) are held captive by memories, which are vigorously tied to them by experiences which should (or shouldn’t) occur.
When I was a child, I was surrounded by affectionate aunts. Hand holding was normal, being hugged up when standing next to them was also common, and constant kisses on the cheeks were a delicacy of touch as a child. What smiling little one doesn’t revel in that kind of affection? That being the case in regards to today’s romances, I now have a high need for intimacy and affection in relationships. My thoughts towards intimacy and memories of it as a child, provided positive reflections and an eagerness to engage in it more often. Knowing that the childhood of a human being can greatly affect today’s romances, is it any wonder that so many people do not prefer much touch? Does it seem weird to you when you see people who aren’t fond of hugs, or prefer not to hold hands on dates? Do you know (or understand) what they may have endured that brought them to that point?
Tattered hearts created from having traumatized flesh typically cannot give enough emotional desire for touch. Imagine asking a person for a hug who was viciously raped in their teens, and finds fear in any form of hugs. What if their attackers gave an appearance of kindness through hugs, and then their willingness to receive those hugs resulted in near-irreparable emotional damage; would it make sense now that
touch isn’t of interest to them? I have myself observed people backing away from me, because of their fear forcing them to react by backing away from me. It appears at times that some people don’t love folk enough for physical affection, which at times can be the case, but in many cases across the country [and even further than that], attempts at affection can be triggering to many hearts.
How Does the Childhood Experience Correlate to Intimacy in Relationships in This Age?
Taking note of the previous mentions of trauma happening in one’s youth, which greatly affects how people interact with one another, is it any wonder why many people want to be left alone? Not much attention is brought to light in those circumstances where romances are tested. Fellas, how often have you found yourself the person attempting to initiate affection, only to be told not to hug them or hold their hands? In many situations that are romantically on an upward climb, the women do want to show affection and intimacy. However, a gentle touch on her shoulder may conceive a familiar reminder of deceit. Placing your arm on her hip could “trip a wire” in her subconscious mind, and you could end up on the receiving end of a rage fit that would scare the lion from his throne in the jungle. How on Earth does a human being combat that kind of psychological calamity? My honest guess is…patience. It is a patient individual that will find satisfactory solutions to such a dilemma.
What of the words that came from the tongues of adults & peers?
I’m willing to bet the last $0.55 cents in my coin pouch that someone called you something heart wrenching as a child, and though it might not have broken you to your very core, it definitely turned someone else’s world upside down. Words cause wars! Words have broken families and homes! Words have distributed malice to many regimes, and terrified academic juggernauts!! Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. changed lives with words in his speeches, so what makes some folk think that children aren’t affected by words? TO THIS VERY DAY, grown women (and some men) have self esteem issues & insecurities about their anatomies. Some mothers have said things to their daughters about their weight, and never paid attention to their children’s reactions. Parental insecurities have been cast into children since I can recall my initial philosophies on parenting concerns, and that hasn’t changed for the better yet. Women have been doing whatever they’ve felt is necessary to make themselves feel good, attractive, sexy, etc. Not every woman is tied to this idea, but many women have heard things growing up as a child, and experienced a lot of the tangible ramifications as teenagers. Body shaming was always a “thing,” and no child needed to hear that they’re too fat for people to like them, or want to play with them. I’m certain many people have noticed one thing… These thoughts NEVER LEFT!!
The romantic world isn’t free of generational pain and trauma, and the bonding of lovers will greatly be affected by these concerns. Whatever potent amount of malice was experienced as a child needs to be healed, or people’s emotions will be considerably wounded to such a deep level, that romance will become undesirable to the masses to an even greater extent than we see now.
