The Ethical Slut

Monogamy-centrist. The prevailing attitude in most cultures today: the belief that monogamy is the only natural and moral sexual pattern, or the normal or highest form of human relationship (often coupled with the terms "long-term" or "lifelong"). This concept is so taken for granted that we usually dont even notice or question it your authors had to invent a term to describe it.

Couple-centrist. Another widely prevailing attitude: the belief that the couple is the fundamental human sexual unit, and that any other relationship structure must eventually evolve toward couple hood and that you are incomplete without a partner, your "other half." We believe that couples, and other groupings based on sex and love, are made up of individuals who complete themselves, then come together to share.

Polyamory. A word which has gained a great deal of currency in recent years. We like it because, unlike "nonmonogamy," it does not assume monogamy as a norm. On the other hand, its meaning is still a bit vague: some feel that polyamory includes all forms of sexual relationships other than monogamy, others restrict it to committed love relationships (thereby excluding swinging, casual sexual contact and other forms of intimacy).

Polyfidelity. A subset of polyamory, in which more than two people, possibly two or more couples, form a sexually exclusive group.

Sometimes used as a safer sex strategy.

Polymorphous perverse. Polymorphous means "having many forms," and perverse means "abnormal" or "wrong." Freud used this expression to describe the sexual behavior of children under five years of age, who tend to be very explorative with no regard whatsoever for boundaries or conventional limits until taught otherwise by adults4: if it feels good, young kids will do it. Modern sexual explorers sometimes use this term to describe themselves, perverting Freud's intention to a more modern reading of pursuing sexual pleasure in any and all forms, without regard to defining constructs like straight, gay, vanilla, or outrageous.

Open relationships. A term that describes relationships in which sexual and romantic connections are not restricted to the two members of the couple. We like to use it a bit more loosely for any relationship in which the people involved have some degree of freedom to fuck and/or love people outside the relationship, so that an eight-person group marriage may still be either "open" or "closed."

Free love. The only reason we're not using this phrase more often in this book is because we're afraid we'll sound like the aging hippies we are. In Catherine's adolescence and Dossie's young adulthood, this was the phrase used joyously by many (and disgustedly by many more) to