RELATIONSHIPS
TO PRENUP OR NOT TO PRENUP … THAT IS THE QUESTION Think it’s unromantic? Think again, says Jonna Spilbor
T
he average cost of a wedding in New York City is a whopping $75,000. Since the typical bash, start to finish, lasts about six hours, that’s one pricey party. Whether you intend to drop the equivalent of your annual salary on your big day or not, the average couple puts a great deal of time and thought into planning their wedding, but how much energy do they spend planning for their marriage? Most brides (and grooms, for that matter) will lose sleep over such minutiae as what color butterflies to release, the precise number of rose petals to toss, and whether the flower girl should wear her bangs parted to the left or to the right, but when I ask them whether they’ve prepared a prenup, I get a look of sheer insult, as if I’ve just accused them of not demanding the amuse bouche be gluten-free. “We don’t need one of those,” is the standard reply. To which I’ll respond: “Is that because you’re coming into the marriage with a dowry, or perhaps a hope chest, and no job, money, property, pets, future inheritance or kids? If so, then you’re right, you don’t need a prenup. You need a handsome prince and maybe a giant pumpkin on wheels.” But everyone else does. So what is a prenup? Short for prenuptial agreement, it is a contract entered into before marriage which will dictate who gets what in the event your marriage happens to fall within the 70 per cent of those ultimately ending in divorce today. Most of the couples I’ve counseled who are hesitant to enter into a prenup claim its “like planning to fail” and is “unromantic”. These, of course, are notions easily dispelled, since we don’t buy insurance to wrap ourselves around a tree, and there is nothing more romantic than entering into wedded bliss with your eyes – and your expectations – wide open. Still skeptical? Here are my top three reasons for making a pre nup more important than picking the DJ.
“There is nothing more romantic than entering into wedded bliss with your eyes – and your expectations – wide open.”
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YOU ARE COMING INTO THE MARRIAGE WITH STUFF The “stuff” I’m talking about here isn’t your favorite Prada or the Breitling Grandma bought you for your college graduation. These types of things – gifts or other items you own pre-marriage that do not really increase in value will remain yours in the event your “I do” later becomes “I’m done.” But if you have stuff that increases in value, like a business, real estate or other investments – or even yourself, ie you plan to get a degree or are in the process of getting one when you marry – the increased value typically becomes part of your marital pot upon divorce. Let me give you an example. You and your fiancé intend to live in the apartment you inherited when your great Aunt Ida passed. That apartment is your property; however, during the marriage you make improvements using marital funds. If you later divorce, your spouse will be able to make a claim for a portion of the value of the apartment. These types of property wrestling matches not only become expensive, but will surely have Aunt Ida rolling over in her grave. A prenup can avoid that entirely.
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THIS IS NOT YOUR FIRST RODEO If this is not your first walk down the aisle – and let’s assume you’ve already divided your stuff once before – the best
way to preserve your already smaller piece of pre-marital pie is to contract to keep it. Cash and investments split easier than amoeba during divorce, which means you may lose the increased value of these accounts the second time around if you do not protect them. What’s more, people who make multiple trips down the aisle oftentimes have children from prior relationships. Every dime you lose during divorce is one less dime to leave those children.
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BOTH OF YOU WORK AND INTEND TO KEEP WORKING Divorce laws in New York changed in 2010 to strongly favor what’s known as the ‘un-monied’ spouse. So the higher wage-earner (the ‘monied’ spouse) may be forced to pay what’s called ‘interim maintenance’ (think alimony payable before you’re divorced) – up to a third of your income! Entering into a prenup will allow you to control, if not eliminate, the amount of maintenance one would have pay to the other during – and after – divorce.
Jonna M Spilbor is a Hell’s Kitchenbased attorney, columnist and legal analyst appearing regularly on television, radio and print. She’s a dedicated blogger at www. gutsygirlsguide. com, podcaster and the founder of a series of Positively Divorced Empowerment Workshops.
WHAT A PRENUP WON’T DO It will not allow you to limit custody or visitation of your children, nor will it allow you to eliminate the paying of child support. It will also not allow you to leave one spouse destitute and living in a cardboard box. If it does, it may be invalidated. And don’t try to have your spouse sign your prenup in the limo on the way to church. A valid prenup needs to be signed with neither party under duress, and each party should have a separate attorney review it. It also requires full and honest disclosure of each others’ assets. My philosophy? Entering into a contract pre-marriage while you two love each other will save you thousands of dollars during divorce when you don’t. All of us expect to have a happy marriage. A prenup just might be the thing that allows us to also have a happy divorce.
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