Our Healing Path is Our Journey Self-Discovery

by Dr. Tarin N. Hyder

We all have our own story. It’s what we choose to do with it that will make us who we are today. Will we choose for it to lock us away in the darkness? Or will we choose to walk through the darkness, find the light, and shine our light onto another’s darkness?

As for me, my story began in December 2012. That night, just like every other night, I tucked my precious children into bed. I held them, I kissed them, and I told them both how much I love them. I climbed into bed, curled up into my husband’s comforting arms, told him how much I love him, and safely drifted off to sleep. That night there were no warning signs to prepare me for what the next morning would bring, nor the ripple effect that would be caused over the course of the next few years.

That morning, I awoke in a state of full-blown panic. The fiery feeling of hell coursed throughout my entire body as I went from one panic attack to the next. The terror swallowed me whole, leaving me in a chronic state of anxiousness, and depression. I chose to hide behind my darkness, I chose not to talk about it, I chose to try to bury it as the stigma associated with mental health illness was just too much for me to bear. I turned to ‘Dr. Google’; I took all ‘his’ advice, and I attempted to secretly heal myself.

I wasn’t getting better, but I wasn’t getting any worse either. I had successfully found a balance between panic, anxiety and depression that no one could live in forever. It was at this point that I knew that I needed to seek outside guidance for the sake of myself and my family. I mustered the courage and scheduled an appointment to see my primary care provider. I went to my appointment feeling hopeful and, unfortunately, left my appointment feeling worse about my ‘condition’ than I had felt in the first place. The dreaded fear of being told that “I would never get better, that there is no cure for mental illness and that at best, with medicine, I could temporarily mask the symptoms” had now been implanted in my subconscious mind. I would be sick for the rest of my life and my only “temporary” hope was in a medicine that had worse side effects than the symptoms I was suffering from in the first place? I took the script and refusing to believe that for myself, I folded it in half, and I tucked it away in my purse. One year later, I broke down, and I filled the script due to the concern from my family.

To say that prescription was the devil is an understatement. The panic attacks worsened, the anxiety and depression were at an all-time new high, and to add insult to injury, new symptoms were beginning. “That’s a perfectly normal reaction. Keep taking the SSRI, symptoms may get worse before they get better,” said my primary care provider. Just like any other compliant patient, I took that little yellow pill of pure man-made evil. I took it every day, becoming more and more afraid as my symptoms were becoming exacerbated. What I thought was anxiety couldn’t even compare to what it had become. And then, when I thought things couldn’t get worse, SURPRISE! I began hallucinating and having delusions just as the SSRI FDA Access Document had warned. Every single minute of every single day felt like a nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from. I was engulfed in sheer terror.

At this time, I hit rock bottom. I hit such a low point in my life that I thought it was best for me to take my own life (per the SSRI FDA Access Document: SSRI Induced Suicidal Ideation). I walked into my children’s bedrooms, I hugged them, I kissed them, I told them how much I love them, and then I told them that I was going to Meijer. I walked into the kitchen where my husband was. I hugged him, I kissed him, I told him how much I love him, and then I told him I was going to Meijer. I got into my car, I shut my cellphone off, and I drove to Meijer. I walked into Meijer, purchased my items, and then left. I drove around in the dark, not knowing where I was going until I found what appeared to be an abandoned baseball field. I got out of my car and walked to the dugout. Standing inside the dugout, I hung a metal dog chain. I wrapped my hands around it and swung on it to ensure that it could bear my weight. I took the metal dog choke collar out of the plastic Meijer bag, and my eyes welled with tears, but in my mind, I thought that this was best for both my family and me (SSRI Induced Suicidal Ideation). My knees hit the ground with an earth shattering “thud”, and I sobbed as I began to pray. As I was praying, asking Jesus to forgive me for what I was about to do, my cellphone—which was shut off—rang. I am an empath, so when my cellphone rang, not only did it interrupt the suicidal ideation I had succumbed to, but I felt fear that I had never felt before. Fear that was not mine, but that belonged to whomever the caller was.

I immediately jumped up, I grabbed my cellphone, and before answering, I saw my husband’s name, Caleb, light up the screen. I answered the phone. He was hysterical. At first, it was difficult to understand what he was saying. When he caught his breath, the first thing he asked me was, “Tarin, where are you?” When I left he knew, in the pit of his stomach, that there was something wrong. He immediately called me, but hadn’t been able to get hold of me because my phone was shut off, so he left our house, and drove around looking for me. I sobbed as I explained to him that I didn’t know where I was. That I had driven around, taking the back roads, and found an abandoned baseball field.

Within less than a few short minutes, I heard my husband’s car pull up. I heard his feet hitting the ground hard and fast as he came running around the dugout. When he saw me, he ran directly towards me, he wrapped me safely in his arms, we held each other, and we both sobbed. When we caught our breath, I asked him, “How did you find me, and how did you find me so quickly?” He said, “Tarin, as I was on my way to Meijer the other day, and as I always do, I took a wrong turn not paying attention. I pulled into this baseball field to turn around. When I pulled in, I knew God pointed this baseball field out to me for a reason. As soon as you told me that you were at a baseball field, I knew which one because God showed me.”

My husband and God saved my life. Through this storm, I thought God had abandoned me, but he didn’t. He was there the entire time, preparing me by life experiences, to fulfill his purpose for me.

During the time of my storm, I worked in conventional medicine, in cardiology. God shifted my path towards naturopathy where I began healing one layer at a time. As I was healing, God then led me to the Naturopathic Institute of Therapies & Education, in Mt. Pleasant, Michigan to become a Naturopathic Doctor. It was during my final exam, when Dr. Baker asked me, “Why do you deserve to be a Naturopathic Doctor?” that the last few unconnected pieces of my puzzle connected. As tears streamed down my face, with my chest feeling heavy, I courageously released the story of my past and boldly stepped into who I was becoming.

My response: “I went through the storm I went through to prepare myself for this very moment in time. To prove to God that I deserve to be a Naturopathic Doctor, and to prove to myself that I deserve to be a Naturopathic Doctor. Who better to assist those struggling with symptoms of mental health illness than someone who went through the storm, hit rock bottom, found their inner warrior, climbed back out, and fully healed. I am walking, living, and breathing proof that symptoms of mental illness are just that. They are symptoms—the body’s cry for help to re-store homeostasis.” The standing ovation I received was another confirmation that I was fulfilling God’s purpose for my life.

I am proud to say that I am a daughter of God, a wife, a mom, a Board-Certified Naturopathic Doctor, a Certified Gut and Psychology Syndrome Practitioner, a PSYCH-K Facilitator, an Emotion Code Practitioner, Upledger trained CranioSacral Therapist, forever student and a published author of the book called “Navigating Through, Not Around, Sadness”. My second children’s book (sneak peek: anxiety) has been written and will be published in God’s timing.

My passion lies with those of any age who struggle with symptoms associated with mental health illness. I am blessed to say that, in my practice, I share space with males and females of all ages. A few years ago, while teaching and counseling at a local academy, writing a children’s book was laid on my heart. In the world that we live in, most adults were never given the foundation for navigating through big emotions as children themselves. The more my practice grew with adults, the more I felt compelled to find a way to break this cycle. To break this cycle, adults need to heal their inner child, and at the same time, lay the foundation for their children to find, feel, process, release, and heal big emotions.

In my book, “Navigating Through, Not Around, Sadness” you will find the Hyder’s 5-Step Protocol that will assist you. With the Hyder’s 5-Step Protocol you are acknowledging and honoring how you feel, identifying your triggers, consciously connecting to your body, dissolving charged emotions, and empowering yourself. Is this a children’s book? Yes! Is it beneficial for adults as well? Yes!

God is the author of your story. Surrender your pen and breathe. This next chapter may be your victory!

Currently, my book can be purchased online through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Apple Books, and Walmart by searching the title, Navigating Through, Not Around, Sadness. Also, in person at Herbs Etc. in Mt. Pleasant Michigan.

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810-207-8056 tarin@naturesgateway.org

11460 Highland Rd. Hartland, MI 48353