by Rachel Basel
It’s no secret that sex is a huge component of college culture and an ever-present topic discussed on campuses all over the country (as well as in this very issue of W27!). But what if you’re not having it? Some people may think virginity is a tired subject now that we’re no longer in high school and have stopped living in our parent’s homes. But surprise! For many, virginity is still relevant and something that can have multiple reasons behind whether to keep it or not. Thanks to Disney princess movies and cliché romance novels, many of us may have grown up feeling somewhat brainwashed with ideas of finding the “perfect person” with whom to eventually “go all the way” with. But as grown-ups, we have learned that life isn’t that simple and that sex isn’t that black and white.
In the world of clichés, religion may be seen as one of the main reasons people wait to engage in sexual activities. But in reality, we’re all unique individuals who may or may not have lost our virginity for our own personal reasons. Some people may be waiting to marry the person they love, while others simply have yet to meet someone they find trustworthy enough “do it” with. Or not do it at all. Sex is not life-changing for everyone and there shouldn’t be a sense of pressure to have it. We all have our own morals, values and standards, especially when it comes to physical closeness with other people — and that’s perfectly all right. The only thing that’s wrong is the idea that your sex life should define who you are. Below, two students whose names are withheld by request, share why they have either chosen to lose their virginity or not.
People act like being a virgin is so out of the ordinary nowadays. It’s not like I can’t get a nice piece of ass, I choose to wait for the person I will be with forever. I’ve been told I have a different view of sex than most other people. To me, sex is any genital contact. Vaginal sex, anal sex, oral sex, hand sex, any part of another individual touching the others genitals is considered sex. Half of those activities have the word “sex” built into the name and to me, the mouth and the hand are the same concept and deliver the same pleasure. I choose not to have sex before marriage for a number of reasons. For one, it should mean more than a few minutes of physical pleasure with your significant other. In my opinion, when people save their virginity for someone truly special it means more in the future. My boyfriend is not a virgin but he is respectful of my morals and decision to wait to have sex until after we are married. Not only is it something special, but it also gives you and your partner something exciting to look forward to. I chose to stabilize my worldview based on the Bible being my axiom. God created sex to exist after marriage to protect us from disease, prevent the birth of children out of wedlock and to lower the chances of being emotionally connected to someone who may be temporary. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not easy, but it is absolutely possible. When you know why you have a strong opinion about something, it makes it a lot easier not to be swayed in the opposite direction. Knowing why you believe something is important because most likely, you will come into contact with someone who will challenge you. For me, knowing why I choose to wait to have sex and surrounding myself with people who accept and agree with my morals makes life much easier.
There is a saying that if you don’t have sex you’re a prude, but if you do have sex, you’re a slut. People try to make this seem true, but the fact is sex doesn’t define who you are. I remember starting my freshman year of high school and all of a sudden sex seemed to be all anyone was talking about. It seemed that overnight everyone had lost their v-card and it freaked me out. Three years later, I chose to lose my virginity because I believed I was in love with the person I was “doing it” with. The timing just felt right and even though I’m not with that person anymore, I don’t regret it. Honestly, right after that first time the feeling I felt most was confusion. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that nothing had changed about me. Wasn’t sex supposed to be this huge, life-altering event where I was finally a woman? Nope, it was just sex. I think your virginity shouldn’t be taken lightly. There is a right time and person for everyone to lose it with. Some people just want to get it over with and others want to wait until after they’ve walked down the aisle. Like anything else though, it’s only as big a deal as you make of it. As long as you are safe and with someone you can trust, then that’s all that counts. Sex is just one of a zillion events in your life. Having it or not having it isn’t going to alter you. I know I made the right decision to have sex when I did. Besides, I don’t think it’s the first person you had sex with that matters; it’s your last.
Sex myths: 1. Aphrodisiacs are in your head All those foods, drinks, drugs and activities that you think are boosting your sex drive have no effect. Some of the products marketed as aphrodisiacs, like the Spanish fly, can actually cause you serious harm. In Italy, there was a study on the sexual powers of chocolate. It has none. I guess the placebo effects works just as well though. 2. A girl’s first time is always painful The reason it hurts girls a lot the first time is because they get nervous and tense up about the thought of it hurting. If they just relaxed it would feel much better. Many times, women don’t even realize that the hymen has broken before their first time. 3. You can’t get STDs from oral or anal This could not be more false. Any time there is insert and ejaculation there is a risk. With anal there is even more of a risk of getting an STD than oral or vaginal sex. While oral is definitely the least risky it never hurts to get you and your partner tested. 4. Two condoms are better than one No, just no. When you use two condoms they rub together and it is way more likely that they will rip. One condom at a time is all you need. 5. If he pulls out then it’s fine The pull out method is not an effective way to prevent pregnancy or STDs. This is never something that is going to be done perfectly, so why even try it? Just go buy some condoms. Or go re-read the pull out method article if you’re still curious! 6. Mind blowing sex comes easily Having good chemistry with someone does not always translate to instant, amazing sex. Each new person you have sex with is different and you have to relearn how to connect yourself to a person. It will improve with each time- just be honest about what you want. 7. Men want sex more than women. Men are constantly being portrayed as these intense, sexual creatures while women are shown as rarely wanting sex. The truth is women and men both have times when they want it and times when they don’t. We are all just human and have our horny and non-horny days.
Sex Facts: 1.Women have sex 17 percent more than the average guy. 2. The average female orgasm lasts 20 seconds, while a man’s only lasts an average of 6. 3. By the age of 19, approximately 70 percent of Americans have already had sex. 4. People who are more open about talking about sex have a happier sex life. 5. Around the world, about 65,000 couples are having sex at any given time. 6. Agalmatophillia is an attraction to statues or mannequins. (Be careful you fashion designers!) 7. The record for most female orgasms in an hour is 134. 8. Sperm has anti-wrinkle properties in it. 9. The average speed of a man’s ejaculation is 45 miles per hour. 10. You burn about 108 calories during 30 minutes of sex.
by Sarah Fielding
To Do It, or Not To Do It, That Is The Question