ACTIVE LISTENING
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Active listening is a communication skill, but it is also an attitude. Your attitude, not your child’s. It’s the attitude of sincerely trying to figure out what someone else is thinking even if you don’t agree. This, of course, is a different kind of job if you’re talking to a two-year-old or a ten-year-old. Either way it’s a great self-esteem builder for children. You’ll also find that if you listen well you learn a lot about what your children think about life. Better start listenQuik Tip… ing now, because you’ll certainly want to stay in Active touch with your kids when they’re teens!
Active Listening and Counting So active listening helps you to understand your children and listening also helps to diffuse negative emotions. That’s fine, but if you active listened all the time, you wouldn’t be any kind of a disciplinarian. Active listening, by itself, has nothing to do with setting limits and enforcing rules. Imagine this scene:
listening is a skill, but it’s also an attitude—on your part. Better start listening now, because you’re definitely going to want to know what your kids are thinking when they’re teenagers!
Son: “Mom—you idiot! My best T-shirt’s still in the wash!” Mother: “You’re feeling pretty frustrated with me.” This parent’s response is overly nice. It is also inappropriate. The child’s disrespect is way out of proportion to the situation and should be confronted. On the other hand, if you counted all the time whenever the kids were upset, you wouldn’t be a very understanding parent. Your kids would correctly perceive you as only an instrument of discipline—or worse. Imagine this summertime scenario: “I’m bored.” “That’s 1.” That’s a pretty insensitive and unnecessary response. Your kids certainly won’t want to talk to you very often! So how in the world is a parent supposed to know when to listen and when to count? Sometimes this decision is easy, but often it’s not. Here are some guidelines.