COMMENT >> SEX
Gay panic attack
From straight-dude anal sex to throuples I'm a straight male, 21 years old. thing. Stop acting so cray, as the kids I love women, I've always loved say, and repeat after me: one dick in women, I've always loved having sex the ass does not a gay man make. with women. However, in the last Look at it this way: the difference year, here and there, I've jerked off between having a woman's finger in to transsexual porn. One night, your ass and having a woman's after drinking with a friend E dick in your ass is a matter and smoking some hash, of degree. If the woman's SAVAG I arranged a date with a finger was fine—to say kly.com nothing of the woman's e trans sex worker. She was e w e @vu gelove totally womanly, nothing sava tongue—why freak out Dan e manly about her, except for, about the woman's dick? g a v Sa you know. She licked my butt, Remember: you don't sleep gave me head and fingered me. I've with men, you're not attracted to been on the receiving end of anal men. You made an exception for this play before from girls, so that was woman's dick because her dick is exnothing new. But somewhere during ceptional: it's attached to a woman. this encounter, I became the receivSo maybe you took a longer walk ing partner during anal sex. At the on the wild side than you might time, I was too fucked up to care. have if you'd gone on that walk soBut the next day, I started to feel ber, WSOWS, but thankfully, your REALLY bad. She was very safe and sex worker was conscientious and used condoms for everything. I just responsible and used condoms. So can't get past the fact that I did the you didn't emerge from this encoungayest thing a guy can do. I feel reter with anything more devastating ally depressed about this traumatic than a touch of gay panic. Be a man situation. I can't seem to enjoy my about this—be a straight man about life anymore. I've even felt somewhat this—and walk it off, as the football suicidal. (I would never kill myself—I coaches say. wouldn't do that to my family and Maybe this will help: like a lot of friends.) I still want to date women gay men, I had sex with a woman beand have sex with women. I don't fore I came out. I did the straightest regret being with a trans woman thing a guy can do—I put my dick in a because I wanted to experiment. I've vag—and it didn't make me straight. been tested since the encounter to You did the gayest thing a guy can make sure I didn't catch anything. do—you let someone put a dick in What I regret is her sticking her your ass—but that didn't make you thing in my butt. Can a single act gay. Because you're not gay, WSOWS, like this make me gay? Please help. and one ride on a trans escort's dick Wrong Side Of Wild Side can't change that. If nothing I've said has made you Give yourself a break, WSOWS. feel better, WSOWS, maybe this will: Yes, yes: you did the gayest thing a gay men don't hire trans women sex guy can do—you allowed someone workers. Wanting to be with a womto put a dick in your manbutt—but an who has a dick is an almost exclunow you're doing the second-gayest sively straight male kink/obsession/ thing a guy can do. You're being a wild side. Gay men are into dick, of huge drama queen about the whole course, but what we're really into is
dudes. There are gay men out there who date and fuck and shack up with trans men—men with pussies—so not all gay men are after dick. What we're all after is dude. If our gayness can't be defined solely by dick, WSOWS, then surely your straightness can't be undone entirely by dick.
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VUEWEEKLY JAN 10 – JAN 16, 2013
LOVE
I'm a married straight man. I recently spent a lovely day snorkeling with my wife in Mexico. We were grouped with three men who were obviously in a committed three-person relationship. I lacked the cojones to ask directly, but they had an extensive travel history together and lived together, every-
of a gay throuple, TRIOS, check out Molly Young's profile of one in New York Magazine's most recent "Sex Issue." Benny, Jason and Adrian are the men behind the popular "gipster" porn site CockyBoys.com, and you can read Young's piece about their home, work, and sex lives at tinyurl. com/gaythrup. 2) Some gay people think throuples are odd, some think they're unremarkable and some think they're sensible. And some gay people—some dumb ones—think gay throuples are bad PR at a time when gay couples are fighting for the right to marry. But our fight is for equal rights, not double standards, and no one argues
So maybe you took a longer walk on the wild side than you might have if you'd gone on that walk sober, WSOWS, but thankfully, your sex worker was conscientious and responsible and used condoms. So you didn't emerge from this encounter with anything more devastating than a touch of gay panic. thing was "we" this or that, and there were various PDA pairings during the day. They were lovely people. I wish we all lived in the same city, as it's hard to meet cool people who aren't exactly like you when you're married with kids. Several questions: 1) What do gay people call such a union? 2) Does the gay community think it's odd? Unremarkable? Sensible? 3) How does a union like that form? A couple adds a third? 4) Do these relationships last? Lots of pros and cons, just curious how it plays out. Three-way Relationship Intrigues Oblivious Straights 1) Such unions are referred to as "throuples" by gays and straights. For a picture of the inner workings
that straight marriage should be banned because of all the straight throuples, quadles, quintles, sextetles, etc out there. 3) In my experience, yes, that's usually how it happens. 4) Throupledom presents unique challenges: major life decisions require buy-in from three people; two can gang up against one during arguments; the partners who were coupled before the third came along may treat the third as a junior partner, not an equal partner, etc. But throupledom presents unique benefits, too: another set of hands to help around the house, another income to pay down the mortgage, another smiling face to sit on, etc. And it's not like coupledom is a surefire recipe for
success. Half of all marriages—those traditional "one man, one woman, for life" marriages—end in divorce. Yet discussions of throupledom all seem to begin with the assumption that coupledom is a self-evidently more stable arrangement. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I'd like to see some research comparing throuples to couples before I accept that premise. I recently used the term "saddlebacking" to indicate the position where a man rubs his penis between his partner's ass cheeks as either foreplay or nonintercourse sex. My girlfriend, a regular reader of your column, insists that I used the term incorrectly. Did I? Rubbed The Wrong Way You did, RTWW. "Saddlebacking," as defined by Savage Love readers (the Académie Française of sexual neologisms), is when two straight teenagers, endeavoring to preserve an evangelical girl's virginity, engage in anal intercourse. This is a thing that really happens. Since anal sex isn't really sex, according to the abstinence educators evangelical teens are exposed to, many good Christian teenagers rationalize that getting fucked in the ass doesn't really count against a girl's virginity. The act to which you refer—rubbing your penis between someone's ass cheeks as foreplay or as a substitute for intercourse—is known variously as frottage, outercourse, the Princeton Rub or "the pearl tramp stamp." But in Chicago, it's known as "the Cardinal George." V Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage. @fakedansavage on Twitter