The Dynamic & m ha ld Ye e ic st Ju Ribbon Device. . By Moonie Ringworm remember the first time my sister ever met Lucas Abela (or Lucas Abel as he was originally known to me); she thought he was the single biggest scab on the devil's red Earth. It was early evening at a street party we'd put on in Waterloo about 10 years ago where she witnessed this shabbily dressed, barefoot son of a Greek caravan park owner (yeah, he once could proudly be called true trailer trash!) bludge seven ciggies off me in the space of an hour, ask if he could have a drink, cone, packet of chips, whatever else was going. I was lucky to get away without blowing him 'sis reckoned. But Lucas is one of the most resourceful people I know. Why would he pay for durries when he knows I'll pack him up? He doesn’t pay for something if he doesn’t have to! I remember he was billed as Peeled Hearts Paste for one of the early What Is Music? Festivals, would've been 'round '95 or '96 at the old jazz joint the Harbourside Brasserie (R.I.P), and he needed me to help him steal these two gigantic arched metal frames - kinda like massive semi-circular ladders. His idea was to weld to these gigantic arched metal frames a series of rotating motors from old household fans with saw blades and sanding discs and drum cymbals and all sorts of stuff attached. He then planned to switch them all on at once and “play” them with hand-held contact-mic'd metal skewers which were plugged in through a 1996: A Kombi - Music To Drive By chain of effects pedals (Contact mic = 1997: Peeled Heats Paste - Peeled Lucas' best friend). The plot to “acquire” Hearts Paste these gigantic arched metal monstrosities 1998: Peeled Hearts Paste - No More Gun had come about after Lucas, being the
LUCAS ABELA DISCOGRAPHY
7” [split w/Schimpfluch Gruppe] 1999: Noise Ramones - Rocket To DNA [provides four remixes as DJ Smallcock] 2000: DJ Smallcock - yinyue 2005: Justice Yeldham & The Dynamic Ribbon Device - Live In Lisboa/ Minneapolis 7” 2005: Justice Yeldham & The Dynamic Ribbon Device - Live In Germany 8” Acetate [Limited to 23 copies] 2005: Justice Yeldham & The Dynamic Ribbon Device - Justice Yeldham & The Dynamic Ribbon Device DVD 2005: Justice Yeldham & The Dynamic Ribbon Device - Justice Yeldham & The Dynamic Ribbon Device CD
imaginative young noisemaker that he was, had spotted them resting up against the walls of a manned State Rail control office situated adjacent to the lines just north of Redfern station. We didn't bust out the Balaclava's for the mission, but we still looked dodgy as all fuck, right there on Elizabeth Street heaving two huge hunks of metal over the barbed wire fence and chucking them through the side doors of an illegally parked Kombi van with only one hazard light working - the same Kombi Lucas used to record his debut CD. Having carried out our noise crime we drove away laughing maniacally, barb scratch blood pissing down our forearms but otherwise unharmed. But Lucas wasn't laughing when he played the Brasserie a few months later, slashed an artery or two in his hand with a saw blade and had to be rushed to hospital. I wasn't laughing to be one of the one’s rushing him there. And I'm sure whoever's car it was he was bleeding all over was laughing least of all. He's either the most dangerous or clumsy musician on the planet. He needs tetanus injections as regularly as a diabetic needs insulin. When you meet a mutual friend and you suddenly discover that you both know Lucas, invariably one or the other always says, “I rushed him to hospital once.” His blood has the power to bond total strangers. Since he released his first CD, Music To Drive By, under the guise A Kombi in '96, Lucas Abela has made performance-based noise under a glut of aliases Peeled Hearts Paste, DJ Smallcock, and lately, Justice Yeldham & The Dynamic Ribbon Device. This latest handle seems perfect, since living precariously and provoking reaction are his primary aims. Justice David Yeldham, the muchly celebrated old pedophile judge who gassed himself in '96 after being fingered (he wished!) by a Royal Commission against police corruption for sucking young boys’ cocks around inner-city railway station toilets throughout the eighties and nineties and having the Special Branch cover everything up, together at last with the jewel in the Coca-Cola Company's crown, The Dynamic Ribbon Device ™, very possibly the most uninspiring and pointless thing anyone has ever bothered to trademark in the history of blind greed. But just as his moniker waves a red rag flagrantly in front of Coke's lawyers, so too does the blood-spattered Justice Yeldham live
He's either or the most clumsy musician on the planet. ns He needs tetanus injectio ic as regularly as a diabet needs insulin.
dangerous
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