June Issue 2012

At first the length of the Tension Building Phase lasted a few months before he’d Blow up in violent anger. Then beg me to forgive him & be kind for a couple of weeks. Then the cycle would start all over again. But as time went on the Tension Phase blended with the Angry Phase & we get stuck in constant Abuse. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I’d leave. He’d beg me to come home & six times I did! I was in a brainwashed survival mode.

But the honeymoon phase rarely even lasted two weeks & we’d be right where we had left on before, onto bigger & far worse abuse! Finally I realized that things were never going to change, never going to get better!

Again, I knew if I don’t leave & stay gone, I could end up dead. This time I didn’t run! I told him I was leaving him. He said that if I went back to live near my family, he would kill himself. He helped me packed up some things in the car ~ which was in his name, everything was ~ & I moved in with some friends who lived nearby. This time I didn’t go back! He tried hard to get me back ~ roses, jewelry, kept showing up from him. He even went to counseling for a few weeks! But this time I stayed strong & moved on. I got into counseling right away & moved out of town two months later. I continued counseling when I moved!

There are many reasons why we stay & why we choose to be in abusive relationships. One of the main reasons is because we’re trying to survive!

We’re not sure how to leave safely & we’ve been brainwashed to believe that we can’t! Another reason is that we are attracted to the same kind of people we grew up with ~ whether we like it or not! I hated the abuse, but I was used to it! Somehow these guys could tell that I would be easy to control & consumed my life within hours of meeting me! We should never judge another person for being the way they are! Unless we’ve walked in their shoes, we don’t understand what they’re going through.

Where a person has been, what they’ve grown up enduring can & does affect so much of who they are today!

Please, please do not stay where you are being abused! Leave! So many women stay because they think that God wants them too! You & I were never created to be controlled by another god or to be abused!

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