22 LIFESTYLE
YORK VISION
Tuesday March 6, 2012
Dating for Dummies Sine Bakumeni and Rachel Jackson discuss dating for women...
W
e’ve pretty much all been there. The first date that brings hours of preparation, nervous jitters and everything else that comes along for the ride. But have you ever wondered why the first date was also the last? Have you heard the "it’s not you it’s me?" line one too many times? Well, the likelihood is, if you identify with any of the dating characteristics listed below, it’s you! 1) Do not, I repeat, do not get drunk. Calling from experience, abusing the alcohol shelf gets you in two places. Firstly, sleeping on the bathroom floor hugging the toilet bowl and secondly not being able
to remember why they never called for a second date. Whether you simply became an emotional wreck and screamed "why don’t you love me?" at your crush or thought kissing someone else in front of them would get them to like you is a sure fire way to end it there and then. 2) Do not sleep with your date on the first night; the whole fun of dating is the chase and the build-up to the ‘big moment'. Once you’ve tasted the milk you probably won’t buy the cow (or however the saying goes). Let’s face it, first time sexy time is mostly awkward, so why would you want to face the person again if you barely know them
and are self-conscious about what they’re thinking? 3) Be courteous and put your phone away. Your date will not be pleased if you start tweeting about the restaurant you’re at or texting every Tom, Dick and Harry in your phone book. It’s a major turn off; I’m sure the world can wait for a couple of hours. Especially if you want date number two. 4) Keep the conversation appropriate. Don’t bore your date with an hour of talk about your pet's latest potty training achievements or flaunting dozens of photos from family holidays. The truth is, no one really cares about your furry friend, so keep this small talk to a minimum. Telling your date about your crazy older sister is fine, but do not talk about your ex or the mystery rash that still has not cleared up. It’s not exactly attractive conversational material. 5) Don’t lie. There’s only so long you can keep up your pseudo-personality for your date. One past date of mine told me they were an almighty sex god with a degree in sexy and a PhD in ‘phwoar’! It’ll come as no surprise that this did not work out. So, what's the moral of the story? Think before you speak; the truth always comes out. 6) Keep your look simple! Showing cleavage or legs is fine. But please do not put both on display at the same time. Meeting someone with bare pins, a bulging bust and 7 inch heels doesn’t exactly scream
‘relationship’… It screams "I've just come off a pole" or even worse, "I charge an hourly rate!" Portray a classy image with a little sex appeal and you will seem inviting but not overbearing! 7) Under no circumstances should you act like a crazy person. Let's face it, us girls can act pretty crazy at times. If your date happens to check out the girl in a short skirt walking past, don't act like a jealous psycho. Telling your date that his lads' nights out must come to an end because he can't be trusted around other women is a sure way to ruin any chance of a second date. 8) Speak English, if you’re an adult and are still using words like ‘rad’ and ‘totes’, it’s time to stop. The cool boat left you when you left school and if your date has to use Urban Dictionary to reference what you’re saying, then you need to grow up. 9) Do not discuss religion or politics. Apparently I’ve made dates feel like they're being scrutinised if they haven’t been able to support their opinions on both topics. Perhaps it was joining the debate team in high school that ruined me for all men. Nonetheless, I would suggest staying well clear of both. 10) Do not jump the gun! Asking your date how many children they want and if a white wedding would suit may come across as a little over the top. Keep the conversation simple with light-hearted topics!
... whilst Alex Finnis offers some questionable advice for the lads. 1) Fuel yourself with a bit of ‘Dutch courage’ before heading out to meet your date. You’re going to have to give a pretty impressive performance tonight if you’re hoping for a return leg, and to do that your confidence will have to be sky high. Don’t worry about slurring your words, you’ll be able to style it out as a sexy lilt. 2) Dress to impress. So much so that you make your date feel underdressed and therefore spend the rest of the evening guiltily trying to make it up to you. Starched shirts, bow ties and cummerbunds are the order of the day here. 3) Remember, it's the 21st Century, no longer are you expected to pay for your date's meal and drinks. In fact, she'll almost certainly find it a turn on if you get her to pay for you instead. This could prove tricky, but the best way to do this is to pretend that you've run out of cash. Paying for your drinks will appeal to your date's feminist senses, whilst you've still got the cash to pay for your next night out with the lads. It's a win-win situation. 4) Lie. This is a first date, and contrary to popular belief, it is not about getting to know each other, well, at least not about her getting to know you. This is for the very good reason that if she does, she almost certainly will not like who 'you' are. The first date is therefore all about creating a false image of yourself as a glowing
adonis of masculine charm. Think the type of man who runs into burning buildings to save puppies and yet can sustain a 20 minute conversation about Topshop's new range of peep-hole shoes. If you're lucky she won't realise the extent of your lies until it's far too late...
you, as Ron Burgundy would say, are “kind of a big deal.” This will almost certainly involve a lot of lying, but hey, you know my feelings on that already. So, if she asks, yes, you really did shave Sam Asfahani’s back for him last week. What of it?
5) Keep her on her toes. By this I mean keep mentioning ex-girlfriends and even one night stands of ages past. Nothing will make your date want you more than knowing how popular you are with other girls. She’ll feel honoured that you’re even there with her, and so she should be.
9) If things haven’t gone to plan, never fear- you can still save your date; it’s time to crack out the dance moves. Obviously this needs an appropriate setting, so once
6) Clichés are a must. You’re going to have to counteract all the talk of other girls with a bit of sickly sweet chat, so the cringier the better. “Do you have a map, because I keep getting lost in your eyes” is the sort of level you’ll be looking for here. 7) Show off. Play to your strengths. For instance, if you're a bit of a gym-buff, don't be afraid to flex those guns at any opportunity you get: "Whereabouts are you living this year?" she asks, "Oh, just over that way," you reply, whilst pointing in an exaggerated manner, tensing so hard you're putting the cleanliness of your underwear in danger. 8) For one night only, you are a BNOC. Name-drop like you’ve never namedropped before; let your date know that
you’ve convinced your date to come along and give you one final chance to prove yourself, make the most of it and dance like you’ve never danced before. I’m talking robotics and break-dancing - get that groove on. 10) Take her back to yours. It’s the gentlemanly thing to do to offer your date your poxy, crumb-filled single bed in the boxroom for the night. Make sure it’s a night for her to remember.