ANIMALS VS. US Global Woes Are Forcing Creatures to Rise Up Against Humans BY VICE STAFF ILLUSTRATIONS BY ANDREW RAE
What is going to happen? Are animals trying to hasten the end of the world? It’s difficult to know what to expect from animals trying to cope with changing climates—we need to expect the unexpected! Well said! Thank you very much, Wendy. We will now present our readers with a list of some of the aberrant creature behavior that prompted us to contact you in the first place.
hat the hell is going on? Not content with destroying half the world via floods, earthquakes, tsunamis, Katy Perry, snowstorms, riots, and halfwits who won’t stop talking about 2012, God is making all the animals go totally crazy. The recent spate of animal freakishness prompted us to talk to some experts about the dilemma and relay a small selection of the most terrifying fauna nightmares we are currently facing and how they might worsen in the very near future.
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Vice: Hello. You are a programme officer for climate change at the International Union for Conservation of Nature, right? Wendy Foden: That is correct. We’ve been receiving reports that climate change is affecting the way animals behave. Signs of animals’ responses to changing climates are becoming increasingly common, including changes in distribution ranges, behaviors, and timing. Really... Recent studies tell us that species extinction rates are already 100 to 1,000 times greater than what we thought, and this is mostly due to the human-driven loss of their habitats, overuse, and being outcompeted by invasive species. Climate change is worsening these problems and is predicted to overtake them. While some of these changes in animals’ behavior have been anticipated, others are coming as surprises to us. Some animals are winners, others losers. 16 VICE
ARMIES OF KILLER JELLYFISH Jellyfish are pretty creepy under any circumstances. But when they swarm in the tens of thousands, the primordial blobs quickly veer from icky to downright mortifying. Due to a combination of overfishing and global warming, jellyfish are feeding increasingly closer to land, which means that species like the box jellyfish are stinging more and more people with their toxin-laden tentacles. A brush against one of their gross appendages can kill a human within 180 seconds of insane agony. Japan’s fishing industry is also currently facing a crisis by way of a beast called Nomura’s jellyfish. These foul-looking creatures can grow to six and a half feet wide and devastate fish stocks, burst nets, and capsize trawlers with their massive bulk. There have been halfhearted attempts to promote jellyfish as a scrumptious alternative to sushi and salmon, but their gelatinous consistency is too gross for even the Asian palate.