04-07-1999

Hope College

check it out.

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Holland, Michigan

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A student-run nonprofit publication

O n e m o r e round

Serving the H o p e College C o m m u n i t y for I I 2 years

Religious tensions c o n t i n u e in discussions DANA LAMERS infocus e d i t o r

Janet Peterson ('02) won't be returning to Hope next semester.

4, I never really felt accepted at Hope by my peers as long as they knew that I didn't believe the same as them," she wrote in a letter detailing her reasons for leaving.

"I wish I was informed of this religious background before I had made my decision to attend Hope," she conHolland looks for new spot for artwork Intermission, p a g e 3.

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A p r i l 1999

tinues later. ,4I feel privileged to have spent my first year with the most intelligent faculty I will m a y b e ever meet, but also feel sorry that I would put myself through this social intolerance.'* Questions of what it truly means to be a college set in the "context of the historic Christian faith" have risen to the surface time and time again, even before the arrival of Mario Bergner or M e l W h i t e o n c a m p u s , w h i c h has caused the most recent controversy.

Members of the college community gathered yesterday a f t e r n o o n in an empty classroom in G r a v e s Hall to wait together in silence.

Several members of the faculty and administration met together after receiving an e-mail message from chemistry professor Donald Cronkite inviting them to join in a time of waiting as a sign to the college that " t h e r e is something worth waiting for in the healing of this community." ,4 I have been waiting, and I think I

need to wait some more, but I don't want to do so by myself any longer," Cronkite wrote. "I was overwhelmed at the faculty forum two weeks ago by the breadth and depths of hurts expressed there. Most of us have asked what we can do to respond, and we have heard two answers. Put what you think into words. Wait."

This waiting takes place as many survey the condition of Hope's campus after a storm of controversy over more TENSIONS on 9

C o n f l i c t in Kosovo affects c a m p u s • Elvir Tabakovic was in a concentration camp three years ago. Today he worries about his family in Bosnia.

Ll

MIKE ZUJDEMA editor-in-chief

Anchor staff attempts a little April Humor T h e Ranchor y page 5-8

New site proposed for Dance building Campusbeat, p a g e 2.

Spring sports work toward collective success Sports, page II.

When he was 16, Bosnia native Elvir Tabakovic ('02) joined the army in an effort to escape war-torn Sarajevo.

Tabakovic had been told that there was no guarantee that a civilian pass would bring him to the safe land. So Tabakovic took up arms for three months.

One night he and a group of soldiers attempted to escape the city through a small valley. A group of Serbs were waiting and Tabakovic was captured and placed in a concentration camp.

Tabakovic toiled in one of two camps with 850 others for six months. While the camps weren't like those during World War 11, he was subject to abuse and poor living conditions.

He was forced to live on two meals a day. For breakfast, he routinely had bread and water mixed together. It would be night before he received dinner. ''They told us we were not allowed to go to the bathroom for the next 24 hours," Tabakovic said*. "When 1 tried to break that rule, they caught me and beat me pretty bad."

Tabakovic was able to come to the United States in January of 1996 after a U.S. Organization took over the camp.

About 250 others f r o m the camp were placed in cities throughout the U.S. Tabakovic was placed with a family in Jenison.

Tabakovic's mother and sister remain in Sarajevo. His father was killed in 1993.

Tabakovic is able to keep in touch with his family. He makes an effort to call home at least once a month and was on the phone shortly after the bombing in Kosovo began.

Tabakovic hasn't seen his family in almost four years.

Although his home town is about 100 miles f r o m the main battle zone, he admits that he is worried.

"I knew there was going to be time when I was going to be separated from my mother and sister, but I think what happened was too early and that is probably the hardest part," Tabakovic said. "I just want to make the trip over to more YUGOSLAVIA on 9

S P E E D R A C E R : Jared Redell ('01) tests out his new wheelchair in back of CIT as part of Disability Awareness Week, The week will run through Friday.

Disabilities raise awareness TIFFANY RIPPER staff r e p o r t e r

"Resolve to Keep Happy" is the title of a poem by Helen Keller included in the pamphlet for this year's events of Disability Awareness Week.

This phrase has become the main point of the week.

Disability Awareness Week, which runs from April 5 to 9, includes many activities across campus.

Students can be involved in simulations of mobility, hearing, and vision impairment, and learning disabilities. In addition, information is also being given out about various hidden disabilities.

Kelly Martin ('99), diagnosed with epilepsy two and a half years ago, has realized not only the importance of learning about disabilities, but also the value of finding joy, "The side effects are still there as well and can be frustrating, but I am at the point where

you either whine all your life or you smile and move on. I ' v e decided to not let this slow me down, though it does try," Martin said.

Martin also believes this has helped her religiously.

"You have to remember that G o d ' s joy is even more real than the current trial," she said.

"This has helped me to focus on God and learn to be weak, not trying to have control, but letting God carry you through it."

Many students on campus believe that the events are a successful way to encourage students to become more knowledgeable about disabilities.

"We are surrounded by students here on campus with disabilities," said Jennifer VanDyke ('01). "It is important to recognize them not oniy as students like everyone else with emotions, but also with special needs that need to be addressed and which we can maybe help.

People with disabilities are normal people just like us." more DISABILITY on 2

Kappa D e l t a Chi t o initiate fall Rush season MIKE ZUIDEMA editor-in-chief

Dance company returns to perform Intermission, p a g e 3.

Anchor photo b y A p r i l G r e e r

In an effort to boost their numbers, the Kappa Delta Chi Sorority has been approved for a Fall Rush program next year.

T h e C a m p u s L i f e Board u n a n i m o u s l y a p p r o v e d t h e m o t i o n at yesterday's meeting.

The move became necessity after the sorority had only three new members after this spring. T h e sorority feared that after graduation in 2000, there would less than a handful of active members.

"The sorority is small on campus, we want to see the numbers increase and we think the fall would be a good time," said Joanne Randinitis ('00), sorority president.

There will be 15 active Kappa Delta Chi members going into next fall.

The sorority will now work with the Pan-Hellenic Council to create next fall's guidelines for Rush and New Member Education. The sorority and Pan-Hel have two weeks to complete next f a l l ' s p r o c e d u r e b e f o r e the Board's next meeting on May 4.

"I have heard nothing but support when it was brought up (to the Pan-

Hel C o u n c i l ) a g a i n , " said Kate MacDoniels, Vice President of PanHel. " N o one had any objections."

T h e sorority is p l a n n i n g to hold Spring Rush as well. Their Rush and N e w M e m b e r E d u c a t i o n t i m e will probably have to be divided into to shorter segments.

Randinitis said that the sorority is willing to work with P a n - H e l . She hopes that Spring Rush can remain the same.

"We want to keep tradition and the more people we have to pass down trad i t i o n , t h e b e t t e r off w e ' l l b e , " Randinitis said.

Randinitis is confident that the sororities numbers will increase in the fall.

The move is not without precedence.

The Knickerbocker Fraternity and Alpha G a m m a Phi Sorority have also held Rush in the fall.

"There is precedence for this sort of bailing out in the past if they find themselves in situation with not enough active members," said Dave O'Brien, Campus Life Board chair. "We hope this will help build up membership."

First year students will not be allowed to participate in Fall Rush, a rule that has been in place for years.

C a m p u s Beat

^e.Anchor

A p r i l 7. I 9 9 9

Alcohol screening targets abusers MIKE ZIUIDEMA editor-in-chief

a i l

.

Anchor

p\~\o\o b y April G r e e r

The earner of Ninth Street and College Avenue is being proposed as the new site for a danee building. The building would also host a bookstore and dorm rooms.

DA N C E

F U T U R E :

N e w building site proposed But as the plans evolved, ihcy eventually changed to building a threestory facility on the corner of Ninlh Slreet and College Avenue. This would have one floor for the dance deparlmenl, one floor for the bookstore and one floor of dormitories.

William Anderson, Vice-President for Business and Finance, reports lhal ihe change from dance building to housing the deparlmenl on just one floor was mainly due to the cost factor.

"The cost of just the dance part is $2 million, and the whole building will cost about $6 million," Anderson said.

The dance deparlmenl and administration are still looking for funding for the building.

CARRIE A R N O L D spotlight e d i t o r

Dancc professor Maxinc Dc Bruyn has noliccd spacc gelling lighi al ihe currenl dance faciliiies in ihe Dow Cenler.

"We are cramped with limited practice s p a c e for s t u d e n t s , " De Bruyn said.

Dc Bruyn attributed the growing need for space to the growing number of dance majors and minors, and the'interest in fine arts as a whole.

Approximately five years ago, administration, and ihe dance department began to plan for a new building. Originally, ihe plans were for a separate dance building to be attached to ihe DePree Art Center.

HOPE COLLEGE GREAT

"Right now, we have half a million dollars. When we gel half of the cost of the building funded, we will start construction," said Anderson.

A n d e r s o n h o p e s to h a v e the b u i l d i n g c o m p l e t e d by t h e Fall 2000. De Bruyn remains doubtful when construction will even begin.

"We can actually believe it when we m o v e dirt," she said. " O n c e upon a time, I thought rather very shortly, but with the lack of funding, I can't say."

De Bruyn cites a variety of reasons the funding is not currently available. One reason is the newness of ihe major and the inability of the department to draw upon a " m a j o r pool" for contributions.

Part of the first National Alcohol Screening Day will feature a special quiz on college drinking.

T h e S c r e e n i n g D a y will l a k e place Thursday in ihe Maas Center from 3 to 7 p.m. The screening will attempt to identify problem drinking and those who need help. Pari of ihe focus is on college-age drinkers.

"We will iry and target some issues with college drinking," said Kristin Feldkamp, a substance abuse counselor wilh Holland Community Hospital. "They lend to be different from public drinking."

The screening will involve a 20 question survey rating the intensity of d r i n k i n g . M e m b e r s o f t h e Hospital's Behavioral Health Services staff will score the surveys and m a k e r e c o m m e n d a t i o n s for treatment or hospitalization.

T o p i c s c o v e r e d will i n c l u d e

drinking effects on academics, alhletics and relationships and how to help friends and family members who drink loo much.

I n f o r m a t i o n a l v i d e o s will be shown throughout ihe day. Counselors will also be available to answer questions and talk on a more personal level.

Al 7 p.m., Feldkamp will give an educational presentation defining alcoholism.

"I will be talking aboul how lo detect problems in other people and yourself and how to go aboul gelling treatment," Feldkamp said.

The screening is ihe first lo be devoted lo alcohol. Topics in the pasi have included depression and anxiety. Feldkamp is unsure aboul who will attend the eveni.

"It's really one of those things you can't predict, especially since the target is a l c o h o l , " s h e said.

"People tend to be ambivalent aboul doing something like lhal in public."

DISABILITY from I VanDyke also feels that by simply setting up informational table in the DeWitt Center students will be more apt to gather information.

The simulations also allow students to participate to help them better understand disabilities.

"You could do as many simulations as possible, but a person can n e v e r totally u n d e r s t a n d , " said Elizabeth Ferry ('02). "But it makes them more in tune to others reactions to something such as a wheelchair, or trying to c o m m u n i c a t e while being blind."

T h e W e e k will a l s o i n c l u d e

speaker Al Swain, who will speak Thursday on "Life is Aboul Possibilities; Not Disabilities."

A poetry reading will be held today at 7 p.m. in Peale.

T h e r e will be a l u n c h e o n on Thursday sponsored by Disability Services and Multicultural Life in the Maas Conference Room from 11:30 a.m. to I p.m There will also be a showing of " T h e Fugitive" using DVS, the audio description on a movie track, for the benefit of people with visual impairments, in the Kletz from 9 to 11 p.m.

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A p r i l 7, I 9 9 9

the

Anchor

Intermission

Sun Dog sculpture looking for new home M a y e r w a s chosen to create the w o r k . " P e r m

KATE F O L K E R X

An absiracl sculpture crpaled by a H o p e

del S o l " has stood at its current location for 15 years.

T h e city is n o w looking for a n e w location

p r o f e s s o r has b e e n ihe c e n t e r of s o m e recent controversy.

for the sculpture. M c G e e h a n , Mayer, and several others have been w o r k i n g on finding a

P e r m del S o l , " or Sun Dog. by Bill M a y e r currently is on the property of H e r r i c k Dis-

possible space.

intermission editor

trict Library on River A v e n u e . T h e library,

T h e m o s t likely spot, o n c e it has been app r o v e d by several city boards, is on the north

which is currently u n d e r g o i n g renovations,

c o r n e r of 24lh Street and M i c h i g a n Avenue,

has asked the City o f Holland to m o v e the sculpture to a d i f f e r e n t location. T h e m a i n

near Holland C o m m u n i t y Hospital. " I t ' s a very appropriate, visible l o c a t i o n , " M c Q e e h a n said. " P e o p l e will be able to see

reason for the request is that the sculpture is not easy to v i e w in it's current location. " I ' m not surprised or displeased at the li-

and take note of it a lot easier than b e f o r e . "

brary b o a r d ' s request. I think Ihe piece is too big for its location." said Holland M a y o r . Al

"It is not a drive-by sculpture. It needs more c o n t e m p l a t i o n , " he said. " T h e r e is no place

M c G c e h a n . "It needs to be v i e w e d f r o m 3 6 0 d e g r e e s . P e o p l e n e e d t o b e a b l e to w a l k

there to park and get out and look at it."

M a y e r is not sure that this location is best.

a r o u n d it and right n o w it is t o o tight u p

Mayer thinks a more appropriate place would be Kollen Park, which already has a

against the b u i l d i n g . "

large sculpture.

M a y e r a g r e e s with this a s s e s s m e n t and

" I ' v e o f t e n thought it should g o there, even

feels that the m o v e is fine.

"I d o n ' t think that site (in front of the li-

f r o m the b e g i n n i n g , ' he said. "I think Hol-

brary) is necessarily the best," he said. " T h e

would be an ideal place for that."

T h e work of art has b e e n rather c o n t r o v e r -

sculpture is not the type that is site specific. I d i d n ' t create it specifically for that l o c a t i o n . " T h e w o r k w a s c o m m i s s i o n e d in 1984 by the c o m m i t t e e of " M a r c h Festival F o r the Arts." T h e c o m m i t t e e wanted Holland to have a large p i e c e of c o n t e m p o r a r y s c u l p t u r e , and

4

Anchor photo b y A p r i l G r e e r

land should start a sculpture park and Kollen

H E R E C O M E S T H E S U N : "Perro del Sol," by art professor Bill Mayer, is currently in the process of moving to a new, more appropriate location.

sial since the day it w a s unveiled. M a y e r at-

r e a s o n a b l y c o n s e r v a t i v e a r e a , but I d o n ' t

tributes this to a general lack of education on c o n t e m p o r a r y art.

think it's too much different than other places.

We d o n ' t live in sculpture culture. It's d i f f e r -

" T h i s kind of art is not taught unless you

ent than a place like the N e t h e r l a n d s , w h i c h has public sculpture all over."

take a s c u l p t u r e c l a s s , " he said. " T h i s is a

T h e sculpture has been a top s u b j e c t in recent c o n v e r s a t i o n s M c G e e h a n has had with community members. " P e o p l e either l o v e it or they d o n ' t , " he said.

D a n c e c o m p a n y r e t u r n s f o r annual p e r f o r m a n c e with H o p e C o l l e g e .

LISA H O E K S T R A

Dance

staff r e p o r t e r

the l i g h t s a n d m u s i c a s wel

professor

Maxine

D e B r u y n r e c r u i t e d " t h e b e s t " to R e t u r n i n g to H o l l a n d for its annual r e s i d e n c y is C o n t e m p o r a r y Motions, a resident professional dance c o m p a n y of H o p e C o l l e g e .

T h e c o m p a n y will p e r f o r m Friday. April 9 and Saturday, April 10.

Both p r o g r a m s are s c h e d u l e d for 8 p.m. al the K n i c k e r b o c k e r Theater.

"It will be an intimate e v e n i n g

d e v e l o p m e n t of the arts within the Hope College Dance department, and the H o l l a n d and s u r r o u n d i n g

iting p r o f e s s o r and c h o r e o g r a p h e r for a c o u p l e of y e a r s and shortly

a u n i q u e l y A m e r i c a n d a n c e style

c o m m u n i t i e s , " R i v e r a said.

$ 4 for s e n i o r citizens, students, and

d e v e l o p e d on the w e s t c o a s t by

after, w a s asked to bring C o n t e m porary M o t i o n s for D a n c e 14.

Lester Horton from the 1920s through the 1950s. Although Rivera

T h e other m a j o r p r o j e c t for the year is still being planned, h o w e v e r

children 12 and under.

"Last y e a r ' s a t t e n d a n c e was

Rivera is looking t o d o a national

performed

where

prises and s o m e favorite w o r k s

g a i n e d m u c h publicity

f r o m its r e p e r t o r y , " s a i d J u l i o

by p e r f o r m i n g for

E n r i q u e R i v e r a , the c o m p a n y ' s

many highly

founder.

T h e p e r f o r m a n c e will i n c l u d e

r e p u -

tour of Puerto R i c o c e l e b r a t i n g

upon

t e c h n i q u e , he h a s

m a n y y e a r s of c o l l a b o r a t i o n be-

s p o n s e f r o m the many f a n s we have

taken great

tween Rivera and M i r a n d a , called

g a i n e d in our 10 year residency sta-

" T h e M a s t e r and His P r o t e g e . "

t u s , " Rivera said.

this

strides throughout the years to d e v e l o p his o w n style.

table com-

" T h e repertory of C o n t e m porary Motions exemplifies

p a nies Rivera is n o w a s e n i o r faculty m e m -

s e n i o r c o m p a n y m e m b e r , and E r i c a

b e r in the d a n c e d e p a r t m e n t .

with C o n t e m p o r a r y M o t i o n s during

has based C o n t e m p o r a r y M o t i o n s

they

p e r f o r m e r s are J e s u s M i r a n d a , a Lynn N e l s o n , a n e w m e m b e r of the c o m p a n y w h o will m a k e her d e b u t

Contemporary

and c o n t i n u e s to explore the d a w n i n g of the Rivera techn i q u e , " he said.

C o n t e m p o r a r y M o t i o n s is

M o t i o n s is a

multi-ethnic d a n c e c o m p a n y which is c o m p o s e d of four to six d a n c e r s . " M y main f o c u s w a s to produce

making two major appeara n c e s this year, o n e of w h i c h is its annual residency and p e r f o r m a n c e s

these residency p e r f o r m a n c e s .

Contemporary Motions was

c o n t e m p o r a r y w o r k s with a strong

at H o p e College. " W e e x p e c t to c o n t i n u e contrib-

founded by Rivera in 1986, around the s a m e time he b e c a m e affiliated

sense of technical proficiency," said R i v e r a . "I like the w h o l e m a g i c of

uting to the arts at H o p e C o l l e g e t h r o u g h o u r annual residency per-

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the first c o m p a n y m e m b e r s and also p e r f o r m e d in D a n c e 14. T w o other

in

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^Anchor

Opinion

A p r i l 7, I 9 9 9

your voice.

our voice.

T h e w o r l d hits H o p e A s often as individuals complain about c a m p u s apathy among students, faculty and administration, sometimes it takes the largest of events to give a collective shake to

GUEST C O L U M N Michael

life.

T h e current situation that is taking place in Europe is generally g l a z e d o v e r by n u m e r o u s m e m b e r s of the c a m p u s community. M a n y feel that the issue is too far a w a y f r o m Holland, too far a w a y to have any lasting effect, too far away to care.

Ask Elvir Tabakovic ( ' 0 2 ) if the issues in E u r o p e are meaningless. Ask anyone in the history department if these events have any long-ranging effect.

T a b a k o v i c is a E u r o p e a n n a t i v e . At 16, he w a s a m e m b e r of the army. He has spent time in a concentration camp. His father was murdered. He knows that the events occurring in near his h o m e l a n d are important.

T h e history professors are familiar with what is going on. T h e y k n o w that any lack of attention is harmful.

Worldwide events almost always have some affect locally. T h e y are informed with what is going on. T h e y know the importance of the events.

It's easy for m e m b e r s of the c a m p u s c o m m u n i t y to overlook the events taking place in Yugoslavia. Personal agendas take over, homosexuality needs to be further examined, and next y e a r ' s plans need to be laid out.

P r e c i o u s h o m e w o r k n e e d s to b e c o m p l e t e d f o r overbearing professors.

T h e r e are a plethora of things that could dominate the interest of the a v e r a g e H o p e College student, faculty m e m b e r or administrator.

T h e bubble that exists in Holland is difficult to break.

Local events are of tremendous importance and should never b e abandoned, but c o m p l e t e ignorance and lack of interest are irresponsible and callous. T h i s is the effect that world events have at Hope, and this is definitely the case with the crisis in K o so v o .

T h e events h a p p e n i n g in E u r o p e are geographically far away. But as the story of Tabakovic or lessons of history f a c u l t y t e a c h us, the e f f e c t s that the w a r in Yugoslavia has are far f r o m minor.

It is the j o b of the H o p e c o m m u n i t y to be educated about such events. Because events like these may look to redefine t h e m s e l v e s at the college.

meet the press editor-in-chief Michael Zuidema Black campusbe^t editor Sara E. Lamers sports editor Paul Loodeen intermission editor Kate Folkert spotlight editors Carrie Arnold Julie Green infocus editor Dana Lamers photo editor Johnathan Muenk copy editor Jennifer Schwieger business mgr./ad rep Stacey Slad ad designer Dan McCue distribution mgr. Doug Sweetser production assistant Christine Trinh faculty advisor Tim Boudreau production editor Amanda

staff p h o t o g r a p h e r s April Greer

staff r e p o r t e r s Meredith Care • Ben Downie • Lisa Hoekstra • Erin Hubbard • Andrew Kleczek • Michael McCune • Tiffany Ripper

The Anchor is a product of student effort and is funded through the Hope College Student Congress Appropriations Committee. Letters to the editor are encouraged, though due to space limitations the Anchor reserves the right to edit. The opinions addressed in the editorial are solely those of the editor-in-chief.

Stories from the Hope College News Sen/ice are a product of the Public Relations Office. One-year subscriptions to the Anchor are available for $13. We reserve the right to accept or reject any advertising.

Vol. I I 2, Issue 22

the

"Norm " McCune

G r e e k Pride 101 In the last issue of the Anchor, a freshman questioned the process of what is commonly know as " N e w Member Education." Although some of his concerns about the process can be rightfully justified, I do not believe that he can see the whole picture.

When a student at this college makes the decision to become an active member of a Greek organization, he/she does not give up their self-respect, morals, or friendships. The purpose of N M E is not to degrade and belittle these young men and women, it is to teach them the history and traditions of their organization, so that they can pass them on in the future.

N o one ever said that New Member Education is an easy process, and for anyone who is making an educated decision about going Greek, they would know that before entering the journey. But if you ask the newly active Greek members whether the two week period of N M E was worth it for a lifelong

commitment and involvement, they would all say "yes." N M E does take a great amount of time, but so does Pull, Nykerk, and many other activities on campus.

As an active member of my Fraternity, we have to teach the new members the entire history and traditions that we have built up for the last 90 years, and that takes time.

Every year, some students realize that Greek Life is not for them during the New Member Education period and they decide to quit. It is true that organizations do not like to have "depledges," but it is because il hurts the unity of the new m e m b e r class.

There are no horrors of N M E as Mr. Bradford so suggests, but I do not expect him to fully grasp that idea, because he is foreign to the Greek system and its rules and regulations. The Greek leadership of Pan-Hel and IPC have strived to create a program that creates a healthy environment for the new members while keeping the traditions of the Greek organiza-

RISE member questions To the Editor: If Hope College is a liberal arts college, then why are religious organizations that are not explicitly Christian denied representation on the r e l i g i o u s life c o m m i t t e e ? If Hope College were a Christian college in the same sense that Calvin is a Christian college, e.g., the admissibility of incoming freshman is dependent upon their religious affiliation, then there would be no non-Christian students at H o p e .

Hence, there would be no point to allow religious organizations that are not explicitly Christian representation on the religious life committee because they would not exist here.

But you see, herein lies the problem: Refuge In Spiritual Expression not only exists as a religious organization which d o e s not exclude people on the basis of their religious beliefs, e.g.. Christians, Muslims,

Alumnus

campus representation

Buddhists, Jews, etc. are al' welcome, but we are also thrh ing at Hope College. Why does Hope allow R I S E to exist and yet insist upon treating it as a second class religious organization by refusing to recognize it as a religious organization? Are we not religious? Is an o r g a n i z a t i o n w h o s e m i s s i o n statement proclaims the primary purpose of the organization to be, "To provide both a supportive religious environment which welcomes everyone, and to promote an integration between faith in G o d and learning," not worthy of the title of religious organization? Yet, we are denied such recognition.

Fellowship of Christian Students and the Union of Catholic S' 'idents are each granted representation on the Religious Life Committee because they are Christian organizations, and RISE is not because we are not explicitly Christian. This is what it boils d o w n to, and this

expresses pride following

To the Editor: I am proud of t h e students at Hope College who have had the courage to stand up and speak out for acceptance of homosexuals. I am proud of each member of the Human Clothesline. I am proud of the Chaplain staff for making homosexuality a topic of discussion at Hope College and trying to be faithful to God. I am proud of Mario Bergner for sharing his message of healing. I am proud of Mel White for sharing

tions alive. Sometimes this is hard and there is not a perfect solution to this complicated problem, but we are working hard to make sure that no New M e m b e r will ever feel that they have been tormented or ridiculed.

There are a great amount of rituals and traditions that are a part of New M e m b e r Education and those are the things give the Greeks pride in their letters. I thoroughly believe that unless you go through the program, you cannot understand that. But at the same lime, I realize that Greek Life is not for everyone. All I want is for Greeks and non-Greeks to respect each other and the decisions that they make. Is that loo much to ask?

The Anchor will continue to feature guest columns from different student organizations.

Any student organization that wishes to run a guest column should contact the Anchor at 395-7877 or e-mail ANCHOR @ hope. edu.

would be fine if Hope were not a liberal arts college in the context of the historic Christian faith but a Christian college that overtly ref u s e d to admit non-Christian students.

If you are a n o n - C h r i s t i a n at Hope, or a Christian which yearns for and is enriched by the environment which RISE has provided at Hope since last fall, then I am sad to inform you that either Hope College views you as a second class student unworthy of the representation which other students receive or you must not be a religious person. If you do not sense a tone of sarcasm in this last statement, then you probably do not realize the significance of what the religious life committee has done.

Eric G o o d m a n ('00) Co-President RISE.

campus events

his message of love. I am proud of the Anchor for presenting all viewpoints on this subject in the spirit of fair journalism.

I am proud of each Christian who desires above all to be faithful to Christ. I am proud of each nonChristian who yearns for peace and understanding among all mcr and women. I am proud of the ^e extraordinary people on both -ides of the debate, who are brave enough to open their hearts and listen. I am proud of those who dare to ask the tough questions, to find their own

answers, and to enter into respectful dialogue with others who see things differently.

In the midst of such tremendous c h a n g e and growth at my A l m a Mater, it is b e c a u s e of all these people, each one seeking the truth in love, that I am proud to call myself an alumnus of Hope College.

Thank you, and shalom.

Michael W. Thelen ('98)

the Ranchor Mope College

•

Holliland, Alwayscold

•

A really fake s t u d e n t p r o d u c t i o n

A p r i l 1999 A h hh...satire

• Serving the M o p e C o l l e g e C o m m u n i t y for a long t i m e

chiggitty Riot encompasses G r o p e College c a m p u s check it out N O R M PETERSON

staff lush

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Fan Flick Hall is secretly a house of ill-fame Fun & G a m e s p a g e # F i n d it yourself, we're t o o lazy t o tell you.

Dutch

Holliland sends all the dutch people away in a flying windmill, Irish take over Thank God page # n .

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After lasl week's riot gn (he campus of Grope College, it is apparent lhai noi even small, conservative liberal ai ls institutions arc safe from the recent waves of student uprisings lhal plagued larger universities.

The riot was believed to have been started by the Snickerbocker Fraternity and the Alpha G a m m a Bulterfly Sorority who in their words, "just wanted to cause some trouble." After the two organizations started a bonfire in the swine grove using several stolen couches, thousands of students also brought Alwaycrumy & Pinch clothing to burn. According to some residents, the blaze could be seen as far away as Saugajunk.

"I assure you that the two organizations responsible for starting this demonstration of free speech will be dealt with in a swift and proper manner," said Dean of Students, Richy Lost. "This sort of event makes the entire school look like a bunch of hooligans and rifl-raft."

After several hours of drunken rioting, a group of students and several f a c u l t y m e m b e r s s t o l e and burned a Grope College Pubic Safety vehicle after an officer was forced to thrash a demonstrator using his Hashlight. Although Pubic Safety estimated the crowd at 25, belter estimations put the total to about 2000 before the night was over.

"When we first purchased the riot gear and tear g a s two y e a r s ago, many faculty members and administration m e m b e r s laughed at us," Said Director of Pubic Safety, Didi Hurtya. "But after these recent

events, who is laughing now?"

Seventeen kegs and seven cases of tear gas later, the riot was finally broken up by pubic safety and students dispersed back to their dorm rooms and cottages. Although this could be seen as a pimple on the wonderful face of Grope College, many students see it as a growing experience for the ultraconservative institution.

"Every now and again, you just need to riot," said Mite M c G o o n , President of the S n i c k e r b o c k e r s .

"People think that we are just a little h o l e in t h e wall s c h o o l , but we showed those Michigan State students what a real riot should be like."

After the wake of the riot is completely settled. Student Causestress is planning on hosting a lecture series containing alternate viewpoints on whether a person can be Christian and riot at the same lime.

p h o t o c o u r t e s y of G r o p e n e w s . c o m

B U R N B A B Y ! : Grope College students gather in the Swine Grove to protest absolutely nothing. Actually, some speculate students started a fire to protest the overwhelming amount of hideous male students who prance around with their shirt o f f .

Grope College Pubic Safety Report March 31, 7:00 P.M. - A student was issued medical assistance after being attacked by a group of rabid squirrels. The student was taken to a nearby hospital, while the s q u i r r e l s c e l e b r a t e d in the S w i n e G r o v e . T h e y were later burned in the riot.

A p r i l 1, 4 : 0 0 P . M . - Several young adults nol affiliated with the college where playing a round of phrizbee golf and were thoroughly ravished by a group of students for "being on iheir t u r f without permission.

April 3, 4:00 A . M . - A grossly intoxicalcd student resembling a large ape or wookie was found

wandering ihrough a local car dealership with just his undergarments and socks on. He was helped home by a Pubic Safety Officer. The student received his panls and wallet back from the local police who discovered the items on a nearby street.

April 3,11:30 P.M. - After a long night of driving around and eating donuts, a Pubic Safety officer fell asleep while on duly. While he was asleep, nothing happened, as usual.

A p r i l 4, 2 : 0 0 A . M . - A large bunny was seen going from house to house in the surrounding neighborhood. Pubic Safety officers captured the rabbit after giving him a severe beating and kept him in cus-

tody for further questioning concerning a recent plethora of pornographic pictures being placed on campus computers.

April 4 , 1 0 : 0 0 A . M . - T h e large rabbit was released to give local children candy after the little tykes threatened to riot. E v e r y o n e rejoiced.

April 7, 4 : 0 0 A . M . - A suspicious looking individual was rep o r t e d in t h e D o n l y o u w i s h wehadareal Student Center. Upon further examination, a Pubic Safety o f f i c e r discovered that it was just a member o(The Ranchor who was up late putting this piece of garbage together.

Hands spark campus debate MEESMKO ZIPPY bigg bossman

Learn everything you wanted to know about monkeys, but where afraid to ask Zoo K e e p e r page # Z Z - 3 a .

Sophomore Scope College student Ben Q. Slifley has had a lot lo overcome.

W h e n S l i f l e y f i r s t a r r i v e d in Holliland, he was met with skewed glances. But as he sellled inlo Scope and classes, he realized why he didn't fil in.

Slifley is left-handed. Has been all his life.

Ranchor courtesy o f a B r a v e Y o u n g S o u l Slifley found out quickly lhal using HOT T S T U F F : This is an artist's rendering of the Van your left hand at a predominantly rightWhyamihere bandit. The Bandit is considered to be old and farty. handed school can be a bil disconcerting.

"When I first c a m e here Badmissions lold me lhal the school T h e antics of the Bandit further was only based in the historical rightDOGGY O N TOP b a f f l e o f f i c i a l s b e c a u s e of Friday handed context," Slifley said. "I had freak show night most Plop College students no idea that the school was so prejuThe elusive "Library Bandit" was should be at parly houses. dice toward people like me." again spotted at the Van Whyamihere The signs of the Bandit are telltale.

Stifley's problems began when he Library Friday night.

Books notplaced in the Dewily Deciwas kicked out of his p e n m a n s h i p T h e a n t i c s of the B a n d i t h a v e mal System. Magazines left in the study class when students found out troubled Putrid Safety for months be- bathroom. Toilet paper rolls are half he was left-handed. cause there are little motives or clues gone. And the maps are not left on the The Scalpel staff met with Slifley lo left behind. map case file as instructed. d i s c u s s w a y s lo c u r e h i s l e f l The Bandit has been seen wearing Friday's spotting of the Bandit has handedness. provided a spark to tracking officials. a hat, shoes and one strategically "1 offered lo become ambidextrous, "We hope lo catch him," said Darrell placed sock. but the Scalpel staff became enraged Any information leading up to the and his other brother Darrell. Direcand lold me 1 was the spawn of a doctors of Putrid Safety. "If we don't we capture of the Bandit would be appretor," Slifley said. look silly. Where did I put my gun?" ciated. But who really cares anyway?

T h e i s s u e w a s b r o u g h t to the

B a n d i t eludes captors

CAJ-

Grope raises tuition by 137.8 percent, buys n e w f a c u l t y skyrise l o u n g e Ripe U s O f f page# $20,000+ ( r i o t , it w o u l d be fun!)

Ranchor staff, who proceeded to blow it out of proportion. This further enraged Scalpel staff.

"I hale newspapers! What's pink and blue and red all over ? Me kicking your bull," Glyn Williamson, Dean of Scalpel was heard shouting.

The debate has spawned a campuswide. . .well, debate. Various student organizations have pulled the thumb out of their derrieres and participated in multiple protests.

Learning how lo Engage in Furious Tantrums (L.E.FT.) will bring in a lefthanded speaker, who will speak on being a lefty at a righty school. Student Incompetents had agreed to help sponsor the event, but then they realized that more soap dispensers were needed around campus.

The Scalpel staff will also bring in a speaker. Super Marino Imalwaysrile, a cured left-hander. He will discuss how being hostile, silly, rude and loud will help individuals become righthanded.

While the controversy blossoms on campus, Slifley realizes lhal the gist of the debate looms around him.

"Just the other day a group of students look my left-handed desk out of my Somedcadprcsident Dorm room," Stilley said. "They placed it outside Dimmbulb Chapel and spray painted 'the right stuff baby' all over it."

Whatever!

^Ranchor

A p r i l 7, I 999

Unsuspecting Students Move Into Brothel A s h o c k i n g u n d e r c o v e r i n v e s t i g a t i o n exposes t h e i n n e r w o r k i n g s o f Fan Flick H a l l Plus, I also had to get adjusted to my new workload from my classes."

Vandershoenklaken agreed.

"It was tough when I had an exam in the Fan Flick dorm has stood al the center of campus for many years, a symbol of strength morning and at one that morning, a man would come over for business," she said. for Grope College. Built in the ISOO's, Fan Flick has housed many generations of Grope "But I adjusted. And my friends were a great women. But is Fan Flick what it seems? Or help, taking on some of my jobs if I was too busy and they had the time." is it something more?

Both women discovered that it can be difIn order to determine the true nature of ficult in a single room with a roommate that Fan Flick. Ranchor reporter Suisse has customers when they are trying to sleep.

VanArminife went undercover for a special " O n c e I got over the noise, and the bed investigative report.

There, she lived in Fan Flick like any other shaking, it was all right," said Crandell. "I woman would, sharing their lives and ev- soon figured out how to block all of it out."

While a f e w of the girls from Fan Flick eryday struggles. But what she found out have checked into the Health Clinic, it was will shock the entire Grope community.

"Since I moved into Fan Flick, I sensed it for matters like stress and not S T D ' s .

"We make sure the was different than the men are clean b e f o r e other dorms," Elizabeth we let them in," said Crandell ( ' 0 2 ) said.

Ranchor p\-\oXo by Ima Hooker A n n a D eOosternap.

"From the first day, there M A K E L O V E , N O T W A R : Fan Flick Hall, once the innocent Fan Flick Resident Di- dorm on the hill, has a lot more going on inside its doors than the typical Grope hall. w e r e all t h e s e s t r a n g e W o r k i n g in a rector. " M y girls are men walking around the Vandershoenklaken wished that more of said. "I have not yet decided what to do, alvery important to me." d o r m , l o o k i n g in o u r b r o t h e l has t a u g h t though I ' m leaning towards letting Fan Flick her dealings were in cash.

A l t h o u g h rooms, seeing what w e the w o m e n of Fan "It was really interesting when I went home remain in operation and imposing some type D e O o s t e r n a p realizes looked like."

Flick m a n y that working a full time for Fall Break and I had to explain to my par- of tax to go towards the college. If the women And, on the last day of j o b at night and going ents why there was suddenly so much money are content to keep on working. I see no good i m p o r t a n t , lifelong orientation, Crandell my back account," s a i d reason to stop them." to classes during the in learned why. lessons N o w that the year is drawing to a close. Fan day can be rather tax- Vandershoenklaken. "As far as they knew, I "The Resident Director â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Anna DeOosternap ing on the w o m e n of didn't have a job. T h e y thought I had gotten Flick w o m e n are able to reflect upon their time called us all into the baseF a n Flick R D in the house on the hill.

F a n F l i c k , s h e a l s o involved in the Mafia or something." ment for a m e e t i n g . " "I w o u l d n ' t h a v e it any other way," said As of now, the college still has not decided pointed out the advanCrandell said. "There, she Crandell.

"It gave me the best of both worldswhat to do about Fan Flick. tages it held. announced that Fan Flick school and men. W h a t other j o b can do that for On one hand, the long hours could present " F i r s t of a l l , t h i s was really a brothel and you?" teaches the women valuable time manage- a very stressful living situation for the resithat we were the employees."

V a n d e r s h o e n k l a k e n agreed, although she The next weekend, all Fan Flick residents ment skills. Also, it prepares them for other dents of Fan Flick. On the other, however, found the situation to be a bit more on the stresswent through an intensive training session, r e l a t i o n s h i p s d o w n the road. T h i s way, the brothel in Fan Flick could potentially pose ful side. helped out by residents of the all-guys dorm, they'll be experienced and will be able to a great source of revenue for the college. " W h e n I m o v e into a different dorm next G r o p e president J a c o b J o h n s o n u n d e r better able to keep their m a n ' s attention," Dorkee. year, it will be strange," she said. "Although I stands the efforts of the Fan Flick women and "I didn't know quite what to expect " said she said. loved my time in Fan Flick, it will also be nice Almost all of the Fan Flick women re- the dilemma that they are often in.

Sarah Vandershoenklaken ('01), a secondto get a break, and get caught up on some "It must be difficult, being both a full-time ported making a good deal of money. Yet floor Fan Flick resident. sleep." ' T h e y made us review manners, and they no reports had surfaced as to where that student and a full-time prostitute," Johnson money went.

However, it was discovered gave us an introduction to business and economics, so we would know how to make that all of the Fan Flick students claimed the most money and what to do with it so large amounts of work-study on their tax workers in the Klutz against a group of angry that nobody would find out. A n d then, they forms. When confronted with this evidence. PURE STUD squirrels. Managing the squirrels will be G A G Fan Flick residents confessed. biggest o f eds gave us the more technical instruction."

(Girls against Goiters).

"It was an easy way to funnel the money Both women found the first week of work Apparently these two groups had problems Animosity will come to confrontation as through the s y s t e m , " Crandell said. " W e to be the most stressful. during the recent " m e a t " shortage. When squirMusic, Video, Television ( M V T V ) hits the "It was nerve-wracking," said Crandell. even got regular paychecks and everything, campus of Grope College in the first ever live rels began disappearing. G A G took an investi" N e v e r k n o w i n g w h e n s o m e o n e w o u l d although some of the dealings were under gation and found that the chicken quesadillas Deathmatch this weekend. come over, worrying if we would get caught. the table. It was a very neat system."

M V T V selected Grope College randomly were actually squirrel hot pockets.

A squirrel has said on the record: "Squeak, and apparently the morals and ethics of the school matched what Deathmatch was look- snarffle. skeka, skeka."

Klutz workers claim that it was all a surprise ing for. Tickets for seating in the Blind Grove something, you better believe that we are and that students who never gave them any rewere already sold out.

NORM PETERSON going to do it." spect deserved worse. staff lush The beginning match of the evening will T h e s e recent events at Dimmbulb Chapel T h e feature match will pit two men with pit the staff of the Ranchor versus a segment have some student groups upset at the steThe new Grope College Scalpel series, varying beliefs on a variety of issues. "Holy of disgruntled Grope faculty. reotypical portrayal of the female's role in "Setting Dishes in Order: How to be a Good The rift occurred when members of the War in the Grass" between Rev. Merlin Plaid the house. T h e w o m e n ' s group. M e n are Christian Housewife," has sparked a fire Ranchor attempted to interview faculty m e m - and activist Luigi Burgerking will contain speDogs (M.A.D.), issued a rein the bellies of some students bers about a non-controversial story. Faculty cial provisions. lease saying that they will proand faculty members. T h e lecThe first competitor to get a large whale to members were offended by this and genertest the Scalpel series and will tures started during the scalpel eat the other will win. hold a vigil on Thursday night, ally frightened to comment. series last M o n d a y and will Special guest referees will be Preacher Tho"We called some staff members and they w h e r e they will s a c r i f i c e a continue until the end of the didn't want to talk," said editor Z e e d o g g mas and Job. Conducting guest commentary squirrel in the memory of all year.

Meeshko. ' T h e y basically cried and hung up wili be Grope College president Jan Lamduk t h e w o m e n t r a p p e d in t h e Some of the issues that will the phone. Now they better get ready to eat and random Grope faculty member. Timber Joe. metaphorical cell of being a be covered during the newest A spokesperson from M V T V was excited the news." housewife. addition to the Scalpel program The Ranchor staff will look to soften their about the match.

"This male driven Scalpel include a lecture by alleged car" W h e r e ' s Grope College? We agreed to go lips, as the Grope faculty will look to stick staff has pushed the envelope toon M a r g e S i m p s o n on t h e the R a n c h o r ' s p e n s in an u n c o m f o r t a b l e there? Are you sure about this? I don't even with this clearly stereotypical lecture series joys of cleaning while praying, a demonplace. The second match on the card pits know where Michigan is." and we plan on bringing in our own speaker," stration of superior dusting techniques by said M.A.D. Faculty Advisor, Dr. Amanda Mr. Clean, and the unveiling of a recent Kille. "We were thinking of maybe inviting study that has found that over 99 percent Melissa Ethercliff or Ellen Ima Degenerate, of all housewives do go to heaven. the- (adv.) two women that have openly fought for the "We feel that it is important to inform used, esp. before a noun, w i t h a specifying of particularizing effect, as battle against the male chauvinist pig." the students here at Grope how to live a Although this seems to be a heated deopposed to the indefinite or generalizing force of the indefinite article d or good Christian life, and if that includes bebate on the surface, many Grope Students ing a housewife, then so be it," Scalpel Dijust don't care. "What's Scalpel?" said Junrector Ben Dover said. "We knew that this ior Alexander Dumass. "Will there be socould be controversial when we started , Jh'ts c/effhrhon s coo^esy * i e Rsn^or^rs , rority chicks there?" planning it, but when God tells us to do SUISSE V A N ARM INI FE staff handy woman

Grope Hosts Deathmatch

Scalpel Announces N e w Series

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A r i e s ( J a n . 1, 1999 to J a n . 23): D o not a c c e p t d i r t y t a c o s f r o m old w o m e n h o l d ing s h e l t i e s . I n s t e a d call the i n f o r m a t i o n h o t l i n e a n d s e e w h a t k i n d of w e a t h e r you will n e e d to c l e a n that 1983 O l d s m o b i l e that j u s t w o n ' t die.

T a u r u s ( J a n . 24 to Feb. 7, 11:58 p . m . ) : T a k e t h a t bull and s h o v e it. P u s h to get y o u r w a y in t h e o f f i c e and m a y b e p e o p l e will s l o p c o m p l a i n i n g a b o u t the ear w a x you l e f t on the b o s s e s d e s k . E i t h e r that or turn it into a l o v e l y s o u f f l e .

A q u a r i u s ( F e b . 8 to F e b . 8): You a r c an A q u a r i u s . L i f e is b e a u t i f u l for y o u and you a r e like y o u r c h a n c e s a t love. T a k e y o u r m a t e , t a k e t h e m to t h e b e a c h , c h u c k t h e m o f f the p i e r and then play B a y w a t c h .

Il w o r k s , t r u s t m e .

G e m i n i (Feb. 9 to St. P a t t y ' s Day): You t w i n s a r e all a l i k e . You sit a r o u n d w a i t i n g f o r t h e Irish c e l e b r a t i o n and then c o m p l a i n a b o u t the g r e e n beer. Your p r o b l e m is you d o n ' t s p e n d e n o u g h c a s h and y o u l o o k t o o m u c h l i k e a G r e m l i n . Eat L u c k y C h a r m s a n d call m e in the m o r n ing.

S

L i b r a ( M a r c h i s h to A p r i l 9 ) : Try and b a l a n c e y o u r work l o a d . L i f t t h e r e m o t e c o n t r o l , lift the p o t a t o c h i p s . P e r h a p s if you gol y o u r lazy b u t t o f f t h e c o u c h , y o u w o u l d n ' t feel t h e n e e d t o e a t k e t c h u p and barbecue sauce so much.

S a g i t t a r i u s ( A p r i l 10 to M a y 10, n o o n e r ) : S h o o t i n g s t r a i g h t as an a r r o w s u c k s , c h e a t . C h e a t like m a d . If no o n e l o o k s , w h o c a r e s ? A n d I d o n ' t m e a n on y o u r s i g n i f i c a n t o t h e r s . You l i v e a r o u n d tax s e a s o n . T a k e il f r o m t h e r e .

P i s c e s ( w h o c a r e s ? ) : You a r e a f i s h .

N i c e s y m b o l . D o r k s . G e l a real s y m b o l and then we can talk.

S c o r p i o ( J u n e 11 to J u l y 4 ) : You a r e a coldhearted snake. I looked into your e y e s . O h , o h , oh y o u ' v e b e e n t e l l i n g l i e s .

Your a l o v e r b o y play, h e d o n ' t play b y r u l e s . Girl d o n ' t p l a y t h e fool now.

Virgo (July 5 to Arbor Day): What was that f r o m S c o r p i o ? And w h a t ' s A r b o r D a y ?

Does a n y o n e really k n o w ? And does Hallmark m a k e cards for this? And what ever h a p p e n e d t o " S a v e d by t h e B e l l ? " I j u s t s a w S c r e e c h in a C h e r r y C o k e c o m m e r cial.

L e o ( S e p t . 1 to T h u r s d a y ) : C a l l up J e r r y S p r i n g e r r i g h t now. Tell t h e m that you w e a r a red s w e a t e r and h a n d out p a m p h l e t s d e t a i l i n g t h e end of i h e w o r l d at a C h r i s t i a n - a f f i l i a t e d c o l l e g e . A n d you w e a r a red hat. G o on the s h o w and get in a f i g h t with an a t h e i s t . T h e m o n e y you m a k e will pay f o r y o u r bad r e p u t a t i o n . D i g it.

C a p r i c o r n ( O c t o b e r s k y to N o v e m b e r 3): E v e r w a t c h W W F ? S t a r t . You will be able to lake out your n e w - f o u n d aggress i o n on y o u r r o o m m a t e . A n d no o n e will g i v e y o u w e d g i e s a f t e r you hit t h e m w i t h a frisbee again.

The staff and administration of Grope College have longed to make a more diverse student body and that is the main thrust behind the admission of Coco the monkey, a c h i m p a n z e e from the Tulip City Zoo. Although Coco's verbal and writing skills are way below the standard of an incoming freshman, she will be w e l c o m e addition to the class of 2003 next fall. Coco is receiving a special full-ride scholarship from the $700 trillion endowment fund that is only used for dire emergencies and will receive special food service of 20 pounds of bananas each week from the college as well.

"It's about time that Grope stop

g e Increases Diversity looking at jusl humans," said Di• • .. rector of Silly Societies, K. Crusty Porcelain. "There are a lot of monkeys out there with great ideas and we shouldn't stop there. My dog.

Scratch is pretty smart and he could handle the classes here without a problem."

According to the admissions office, a separate Borientalion program will be established to help Coco and any other non-human students that could be entering Grope in the near future. Despite the normal amount of whining from ihe faculty, professors are also being required to learn sign language in order to Communicate with the 2 ' 5 " Spanish/Religion/Thcater/Compuler Science composite major.

"The admission of this primate is g o i n g to i n c o n v e n i e n c e s o m e people, but in the long run, it will

be worth il for Tor the ihc entire campus,' campus," ^ . ^ . said Dean of the Kiddies, Richie Lost. "For instance we are going to h a v e to line her d o r m r o o m in Lickmc Hall with old editions of The Ranchor in order to preserve the present carpet, besides the fact that we also have to find a suitable roommate for Coco."

Already 23 girls have asked the housing department if they could live with Coco.

The Grope College Student Dcvolvemcnl is starting an interview process to narrow down the best person possible to assist Coco in her daily chores.

"I think living with her would be a great educational experience," Freshman Ditzy Chickadee said.

"Plus it would be a great way to pick up guys. Boys always tell me they like to spank the monkey."

Dear B D r y : L e t t e r s f r o m t h e Lost BDry is a licensed advice giver on the topic of bizarre students. He looks to soothe the needs of freaks and tries to be funny. His expertise on the subject is wide. Just look at his name for gosh sake. He is actually just an unemployed communications major who lives in his car.

Dear BDry: / am a male on the Dope College campus. I am a tall, dark handsome man looking for some ladies to date. Do you have any advice?

Desperate and Denied - Dorkee Hall Dear Loser: You definitely need some help.

I'm assuming that you are a big weasel that likes to play s p a c e games in the Eyebrow Center. Or you are the one who feels the need to play Phrizbee Golf all day and night long. Regardless of weather and young women in the way I ' m also a s s u m i n g that you are a Deerstra Hall rat, preying on the younger woman. My word of ad-

Just make sure the young stud is not down wind from you. Perhaps you could even turn it into a tool. Some guys might find il a turn on. When class is running a little long, just cut the cheese and adjourn class early.

Just don't wear skirts anymore.

Dear BDry: I am a professor of Anglais here at the college. I have fallen in love with a student and don't know what to do. Help!

Hot for student - Teacher with Needs Dear sexxy m a m a : First of all, I hope that student do?

Smelly M c G e e - Van N o M a n you like is getting a good grade.

Normally, I would be a little hesiHall tant to say j u m p on top of one of Dear Needs Depends: Whoa nelly! I think that was you your students, but hey go for it. You that I smclled in my 3 p.m. class. are both old enough to make your Two words for you: cork il. The own decisions, and the kids mom only way I can think of you gelling isn't going to catch you for gooda male is contacting the freak in the ness sake. Jusl make sure the dude's first letter. Ever heard of Gassex? S R.A. doesn't catch you sneaking Didn't think so. The only way I can in and out. Jusl try to control yourthink of you gelling a male friend self in the classroom. No hanky is flirting outside on windy days. panky in the back row.

vice, if you want a female, join a Geek organization. They somehow always get the women, no matter how worthless they are. Either than or shave that ear hair. Good lord man, get a hobby other than counting your Klutz Kups. Geez I offer advice, not miracles. Wiener.

Dear BDry: / am a female here at school and have a gas problem.

It prevents me from going out and nothing has helped - cutting Taco Smell out of my diet, exercise, praying in Dimm Chapel. What can I

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" T h e y put a t r a c k i n g d e v i c e in m y h e a d o n m y first d a y o f t h e s e m e s t e r . I w a n t t o l e a v e , yet I find m y s e l f d r a w n t o t h i s p l a c e at s t r a n g e t i m e s o f t h e day. D e T w i t t a n d I have a strange relationship."

C a n c e r ( N o v e m b e r 3 to w h e n e v e r Y 2 K k i c k s in): R a n d o m A s s o c i a t i o n l i m e . You, beavers, bun-huggers, Beatles, pachyd e r m s , b r e a d s t i c k s . W h a t d o e s it all m e a n ?

Ask the matrix.

Potluck

"I c a m e a s a f r e s h m a n . I had n o i d e a h o w m u c h t i m e o n e c a n s p e n d in t h i s p l a c e . T h e other students w h o take the p r o g r a m s are s o c o o l . It is a m a z i n g t o see their w o r k e t h i c We are a tight b u n c h ; w e never leave."

D a n n n c M c Q u , senior

Norm Peterson, senior

R a n c h o r ad d e s i g n e r / S e n i o r P a r t y

69.9 FM W H I P Manager/Greek Life

chair/Millstone writer

G u r u / R a n c h o r & Millstone writer

For more i n f o r m a t i o n , visit www.dewitteGme2ter.Gdu or call ^ 0 0 * e u c k e d * i n

the Ranchor

Random Stuff

A p r i l 7, I 9 9 9

Students Freeze Themselves for Mission Vernen and Botanist found the notes dates on Friday night. Please do not disturb us they get unfrozen by the end and age as norwhich explained the reason behind the until this great day. Singed, Malcom Ein, Eddie mal. You know, that doctor did say, damit staff snoop three's attempt at Barth and Terry Jim, I'm a doctor not an ice cube."

In the comcr of the third floor prolonging life.

Haze."

A n n o y i n g r u s h e d t o the of Peal, three missing Dope colT h e s h e e t s of It is believed that scene once he found his roomlege students were found. Dr. white computer three w a t c h e d an mates.

Plantae Botanist stumbled onto paper were kept in e p i s o d e of Space At least they are still around. the c r y o g e n i c c h a m b e r s and sheet p r o t e c t o r s Trip and built the It might be fun to have a frodiscovered the three. and taped to the chambers themzen roommate. At least I don't "They were frozen, just like f r o n t of E i n ' s selves. have to watch a n y m o r e epipopsicles. On the outside, 1 saw chamber.

"I w i s h t h e y sodes of Space Trip" he said. a sign with their names and inT h a n k s to the w o u l d h a v e seen For now. General Well-BeLiberty of Paper structions to leave the chambers the w h o l e thing," ing is leaving the frozen men sealed until Dope became the Act, the Ranchor said U.R. Annoyin Peal until they determine a E. B a r t h school they wanted," Botanist h a s r e c e i v e d a ing, Barth's roomgood place on campus to store M. Ein T. Haze said. copy of the letters. mate. I tried to tell them that them.

Upon discovering the 8th-year seniors They read as follows: Malcom Ein ('91), Edward Barth ('91), and "We, the members of Dope for Better Terell Haze ('91), Botanist called General Dates, have frozen ourselves with the viWell-Being who dispensed an occifer to look sion of a better future. Since Dope College is forging towards being an all-girls at the scene. ever, when a number of the squirrels were "We were elated to find the t h r e e / ' said school, we will be waiting until that great SUISSE V A N A R M I N I F E reported missing f r o m Philmeup Dining occifer Anson Vernen. "But, it was shocking day in the college's history. When it is so, staff handy w o m a n Hall. to find these chambers just sitting behind piles the chambers will release and we will be T h e Biology Department in Peelitoff Sci' T h e r e should have been close to 5,000 of discarded test tubes. It was like something able to pick up chicks like never before. ence Center announced yesterday that they squirrels stored there," Designer said. "It out of that Mel G i b s o n m o v i e — t h a t o n e As the only three male students, we will had successfully cloned a blonde-haired, was only after the recent hot dog recall that find the perfect women and always have where he is naked." blue-eyed squirrel. the squirrels were reported missing."

A representative of Boring Dining Ser"This idea has been decades in the making," Dr. Jean Designer, Biology professor vices claimed that there was no Such hot and head of the venture, said. "Now, we have dog shortage and that Philmeup served hot A f t e r s p e n d i n g a f e w days in Colon, dogs as usual. Pubic Safety is currently ina squirrel that matches the rest of campus."

D O L L Y SHEEPERS evaluators walked away impressed.

Efforts on cloning the blonde squirrels vestigating. staff m o o c h "I was especially impressed by the stuAlthough the Board of Krusties has taken began when professors and administrators some actions to increase the diversity on One of the most prestigious residence holes dent art work on the carpets," said one noticed how the brunette squirrels on the evaluator. "I was told many resithe campus, such as the admission of a prion Pope College's campus is being recogGrope College campus made the college look dents have sacrificed their weekmate next year, their efforts for the most nized for its success in providing its resimore diverse than it really was. ends to design the colorful spots; dents with peaceful living conditions part have focused on cloning blonde squir"We wanted the rodents of the campus to and t h e r e s t r o o m sinks w e r e and orderly social activities. accurately reflect the composition of the sturels. t filled with delightful remnants of This effort to beautify Grope's campus A press release M o n d a y andent body," said Board of Krusties member Ramen, Macaroni and Cheese, and has not c o m e w i t h o u t p r o t e s t . Student nounced that Colon Hole has been Makit Myway. "With the brunette squirrels, Spaghetti O's, just the kind of treat Causestress has organized a panel discusnamed among the "Top 10 Most there was no way that, by looking at Grope's students need after a peaceful night sion to e x p l a i n the positive e f f e c t s the Pious Dorms in the U.S" by Foc a m p u s , you could tell that G r o p e totally blonde squirrels will have on Grope's camof sleep." cus on the Dysfunctional Family, lacked any diversity."

P r e s e n t l y , C o l e n H o l e is pus. Although several speakers have apan atheist organization run out of T h e first blonde squirrel was cloned about Dr. B o b Procwithout the presence of a Resiplied to speak out against the c l o n i n g , Smoulder, Colorado. five years ago and since then, more than tologist, the next dent Director, as their most reCausestress decided it would be easier to " E v e r since I got to C o l o n 4,000 other squirrels have been cloned. They R D of Colon H o l e cent director was released, as consider only one viewpoint.

Hole, m y life h a s j u s t t u r n e d are being housed in both the basement of the college decided the dorm "The people in support of the squirrels Peelitoff, as well as in Philmeup Dining Hall. around," said Skippy Gomorrah, whined the loudest. So we took them," ex"Everyone here was so supportive of me a sophomore resident. "I am just able to get was so orderly without the constant eye of plained Student Causestress President a civilized adult. and my work," Designer said. "1 really think so much done because the dorm is so quiet H e l p m e P l e e z p u b l i c . " B e s i d e s , the last " O u r Colon Hall residents have been it will make the campus look better." and serene, even late Saturday evenings. It's thing we want to do is create a controversy completely trustworthy," said Ralph Waldo The attempt to release the squirrels into the like heaven on earth."

Emerson, director of Holes and their Probon Grope's campus." wilds of the Swine Grove was delayed, howTommy Toolshed also gives Colon high lems.

"I haven't had to assign community marks. service hours to a Colon " M y parents are so impressed with my H o l e r e s i d e n t in y e a r s . grade point average this semester. I tell them They seem to have no inthey o w e it all to the hole I live in."

Focus on the Dysfunctional Family repre- terest in any thing other than their classes. W e ' r e sentatives evaluate several residence holes each year to determine which are given the lucky to have such a bright, focused group of students." opportunity of holding such high honors.

i.m. n o z : y

E

Squirrels Go Dutch

T h e Pious C o l o n H o l e

oudied & eared

meet the freaks. chief dances w/ editor producing stuff beat a campus editor sporty spice hoity-toity editor i spy editor god squad peeping pics editor spel chekerz money grubber ads of steel moving stuff around zookeeper The Ranchor is a nrodudion of a whole bunch of people The ailempi is to be funny, willy, whatever. It is a big fat call the Ranchor and we will come over and give you a similarity to real life individuals is purely coincidental.

Gosh, lighten up.

Candy Asskott Felix Montoya Smelly McGee Mel C. Dace Zoltner Bill Benny Beelsma Papa Razzi Sparky Plugg Sleppa Pad Frickin McQue Doug E. Fresh Daffy Duck

with way too much lime on their hands. joke. If you think this is real stuff then wedgie. None of this is real. Any For goodness sake its just a big joke.

This is a test. Only a test

the

Ranchor

Do you think that nonhuman applicants should be allowed to study at Grope College?

& "Heck ya, I am a cartoon and if I want to go to c o l l e g e , I s h o u l d be a b l e to g o . But I wouldn't go to Grope, that's a hippie school. I ' m going to Police Academy. You will respect my authority!!!!!!!

—Beefcake Boy

"If they were stupid enough to let me in, I don't see why they can't let any other primates attend school too. Besides, I could use a m o n k e y boyfriend, humans just don't do it for me."

— C o c o the Monkey ('03)

" I ' v e been here for five years watching these d a m kids and all they do is play frisbee golf. I didn't even know that this was a school. I wish I had it that easy."

— Mr. Zippy Squirrel

the

A p r i l 7. I 999

Anchor

I n Focus

TENSIONS from 1

A V I E W FROM INSIDE Michael Zuidema

T h e G r e a t Divide A rifl currently exists bclween ihc several m e m b e r s of ihe faculty and the chapel staff.

This much w a s evident from a March 17 faculty meeting I attended. Little of what was said at this meeting has been revealed. And that's unfortunate.

A s a student, it was a little intimidating to enter a room with almost 100 faculty m e m bers. all holding the recent copy of the Anchor in hand.

As the meeting got underway, professor after professor got up to express their view on the relationship that they have the Chaplain's staff.

N u m e r o u s viewpoints were expressed. T h e chapel staff has too much power, with no one to answer to. T h e Chaplain has been frighteningly consistent in the years he has been here. The chapel staff have alienated members of both the faculty and students. T h e situation is hurting some p r o f e s s o r ' s ability to teach.

T h i s is just a sampling of what was expressed at this meeting. A wide variety of viewpoints and opinions were expressed, but Donald Cronkite's statement provided the strongest argument. " I ' m not going anywhere."

This statements w a s a m o n g the views expressed as the meeting c a m e to an end. Along with this statement, Cronkite said that he is committed to working on this issue at H o p e College. T h i s w a s perhaps the most refreshing thing I heard durini* the whole meeting.

It has b e c o m e easy for individuals to blow off controversial topics on campus. T h e Anchor alone had trouble getting faculty to c o m m e n t on'this issue.

While the issue continues to grow on the campus, more individuals have become silent. It is their view that the less said, the better. 1 find this hard to buy.

A problem exists among the main factions of Hope College.

I ' m not going a n y w h e r e for at least a year. I ' m committed to helping out, but those w h o speak during heated times can't b e c o m e silent now. The issue needs prodding.

While the controversy that has surrounded Hope has been extreme, I can't see how remaining silent can help.

Many people are struggling with this issue. All the more reason to speak up.

I realize that the issue is going to a m o n g the most difficult the college has ever addressed. But this is no excuse to go into hiding now.

Holland needs to address what role the chapel staff, faculty, homosexuality, pluralism, students, administration, the liberal arts education, m e d i a coverage, etc. affects the direction of this college.

T h i s m a y not be a fun adventure, but if no one is willing to discuss this problem openly, then how is anything going to get solved?

You're invited to listen in on a panel discussionThe final event in (he "Faculty Perspectives on Hope*' Series "The Christian Scholar-Teacher: A Sure Recipe for Multiple Personality Disorder?"

Wed, April 14* 4:00 p.m.* Herrick Room C o s p o n s o r e d by Che O f f i c e o f ilie P r o v o s l a n d t h e R h o d e s R e e i o n a l C o n s u l i a U o n o n t h e F u t u r e o f Church R e l a t e d Colleges.

een &

" I ' m glad the mood has been one of reconciliation and I hope that continues. T h e ideas w o n ' t ever be reconciled. but the people can be in the fact that w e love each other and can have peace with each other. I think our reconciliation with God through Jesus Christ is the best example of that."

-Robyn Disselkoen ( ' 0 0 )

Some feel it is time for the mis- said.

Some believe growth has come sion of the college to be clearly exfrom the opportunity to hear differamined and analyzed.

"I am concerned we have been ent perspectives.

"Part of this education is learndistracted from our primary mission ing to open up our minds and forcto be providing students with a solid ing us to see t h i n g s f r o m o t h e r liberal arts e d u c a t i o n , " said Bill points of view," said Julie Zwart Cohen, professor of History. "I be( ' 0 1 ) .

"But personally I agree with lieve deeply that there is a differthe chaplain staff and have learned e n c e between the church and an educational institution. I don't think f r o m the whole ' S e t t i n g L o v e in the institution has yet addressed the O r d e r ' series, but if others disagree with them, it's okay." difference and I am waiting expectW h i l e l e s s o n s may h a v e been antly f o r us to do so b e f o r e too learned, m a n y still struggle with long."

Dean of Chapel, Ben Patterson, divisions that have caused personal declined to c o m m e n t on the issue. pain. " I ' v e learned how terribly an isT h e s e d i s a g r e e m e n t s h a v e laid s u e like this can divide the the foundation for the differences closest of friends and and d i v i s i o n s the closest of c o m m u that have been raised again this My concern is that nities. I can't see anything positive that has spring, this time we've persisted at come from this," in regard to the identifying an issue N a n c y N i c o d e m u s , i s s u e of h o m o that I believe English p r o f e s s o r . "In sexuality. the 33 years I've been everyone knew "This isn't just here there's not been a one incident, it's would divide the situation that has lorn a growing comcampus. apart the c a m p u s like p l e x of i s s u e s —Joe MacDoniels, , this one has." that fall between Comm.

Dept Many want those segments of the w h o feel p e r s o n a l l y f a c u l t y and the c h a p l a i n ' s d e p a r t m e n t , " said Joe wronged by the events on c a m p u s M a c D o n i e l s , of the C o m m u n i c a - to be able to experience some rections Department. " M y concern is onciliation. " A l t h o u g h on the surface things that w e ' v e persisted at identifying prized?" " T h a t ' s really w h a t u n d e r l i e s a issue that I believe everyone knew are m o r e calm, there are still hurts felt by people on all sides of the isthis," Nyenhuis said. "We state that would divide the c a m p u s , an issue sue," Nyenhuis said. "The level of we could predict controversy as the we are ecumenical in our exprestrust needs to be increased; reconsion of the Christian faith, but we e n d p r o d u c t . I d o n ' t u n d e r s t a n d ciliation requires an act of will. H what the motive for that is." d o n ' t all understand or agree how also requires c o m m i t m e n t to com"I didn't understand why this isthat gets translated in terms of promunity." sue w a s even an issue," Peterson grams and practices."

religious issues, including homosexuality. that wrapped up shortly before break.

Spring Break c a m e just as the chaplain staff concluded their series "Setting Love in Order," which featured "healed h o m o s e x u a l " Mario Bergner. In response, several organizations brought Rev. Mel White to campus, w h o shared his personal experience as a homosexual and a Christian.

M e m b e r s of the Hope c o m m u nity are asking what has been accomplished through the discussion of these recent issues, whether divisions caused by differing opinions can be reconciled and what, if any, action should be taken now.

Concern has been raised regarding sides that seemed to be drawn during last m o n t h ' s controversy.

"I would say the fundamental issue isn't what is o n e ' s position on homosexuality, although that isn't irrelevant," Provost Jacob Nyenhuis said. " T h e f u n d a m e n t a l issue is what kind of c o m m u n i t y we aspire to create and h o w w e d e f i n e the bounds of that community. Are we just a loose federation of groups, or do w e have a shared vision for a community of learners, a c o m m u nity in which the intellectual quest is highly valued, but the nurturance of the Christian faith is also highly

YUGOSLAVIA from I see them."

H e h a d p l a n n e d on f l y i n g to Serbia in May but all flights to that area have ended. Only N A T O planes are allowed into the country now.

While Tabkovic is frustrated by the lack of contact with his family, he gives his support to the efforts of the U.S. and NATO. "They are doing something that should have been done probably 10 years ago," he said.

"I d o n ' t think it's g o i n g to be fixed in my lifetime."

Tabkovic said he believes that Yugoslav President Slobodan

eard

"I don't think anything n e e d s to h a p p e n now. I don't think anything needed to happen before.

I think Student Congress overstepped their bounds by getting involved with it."

— B e c k y Pluger ( ' 0 1 )

via.

T h e event was organized by the History Department and had high attendance.

"I was astonished. I had no idea

so m a n y were interested. Several people c o m m e n t e d that this was a w o r t h w h i l e e v e n t , " said Larry Penrose, professor of history. "The c o m m u n i t y discussion and quest i o n s a r e i m p o r t a n t to h a v e on Hope's campus."

T h e event assembled many professors and students. T h e actions of N A T O and other c o u n t r i e s were heavily discussed. All agree that the issues needs to be addressed.

"In foreign policy, when you let things go they only get worse," said Jack Holmes, professor of Political Science. " B o m b i n g is not a cureall, but it may be the only option."

Have you learned anything from the discussion on homosexuality before Spring Break? What do you think needs to happen on campus now?

"I've learned that people need to be more open-minded. I ' m glad the speakers came because it showed that people were willing to see other points of view. I think discussion still needs to go on; it's not something that goes away if you stop talking about it."

—Jyn McNamara ('01)

Milosevic is willing to m a k e sacrifices f o r the continuation of ethnic cleansing. NATO has continued airstrikes ever since the initial bombing two weeks ago.

Milosevic has estimated that 3 0 0 civilians have been killed and 3,000 o t h e r s w o u n d e d in t h e 1 4 - d a y bombing campaign.

M e m b e r s of the H o p e c o m m u nity gathered last Thursday to discuss the recent events in Yugosla-

"I think a w a r e n e s s of the issue went up. People were at least listening and ready to deal with it rather than pushing it away. I think people feel more comfortable with people w h o are h o m o s e x u a l c o m p a r e d to what they did before. I listened, and fell their feelings, and I did definitely change my point of view.

- M u h a m m e d Hameed ( ' 0 1 )

"I think there needs to be opportunities for students to gain u n d e r s t a n d i n g of w h a t it means to be a Christian. I ' v e learned h o w important it is to have a Biblical foundation on the truth and p o w e r of the Bible."

— I s a a c Hartman ('02)

//^Anchor

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Anchor

Sports

S p r i n g s p o r t s blossom in t h e unusual w e a t h e r â&#x20AC;˘ Men's track is running to catch up in the MIAA standings.

^ Women s track races into MIAA season with hot feet.

PAUL LOODEEN sports editor

PAUL LOODEEN sports editor

H o p e ' s Michigan Inicrcollcgiaic Alhlclic Association record stands at I-1 alter yesterday's o n e point win in a dual match against Alma.

T h e Flying D u t c h m e n posted a live point win at A l m a with a score of 79.5 to 74.5.

Leading the way for the Flying Dutchmen were Joe Kattelus ( ' 0 1 ) with javelin and discus wins and a second place finish in the shot put.

Dylan Wade ('02), Jeff K a u f f m a n COO) and Joe Veldman ( ' 0 1 ) helped Hope sweep in the 5,000 meter run.

T h e distance crew has d o n e really good," Wade said.

So far this season Hope's strength has been it's long distance runners and field events. " T h r o w i n g has been really good," said Wade.

K a t t e l u s leads the w a y in the throwing portion along with Chase Carpenter ('01) who has the seasons best discus. Other standout performances this season have been t u r n e d in by K e v i n R i c h a r d s o n ( ' 0 0 ) in the long and high j u m p , Mark Youngs ( ' 9 9 ) in 100 and 2 0 0 m e t e r d a s h a n d V e l d m a n in the 1,500 and 5,000 meter run.

To dale, the F l y i n g D u t c h m e n h a v e only c o m p e t e d in the t w o M I A A events, losing the first to Albion by a score of 109-44. Even though the team is gelling off to a slow start, the team is optimistic for the season.

"We are not at o u r p e a k y e t , " Wade said. "We have a lot of potential."

T h e Flying D u t c h m e n have a lot

Women's track is off to a fast start with three Michigan Intercollegiate Athletic Association wins. This season Hope has an M I A A record of 3-0 after yesterday's win in Alma.

In the meet, the Flying Dutch edged Alma 73-72, but managed to crush St.Mary's with a score of 12518.

T h e Flying Dutch were paced by Elizabeth C h a p m a n ( ' 0 2 ) w h o won both the 100-meler hurdles and the 4 0 0 - m e t e r hurdles. Also turning in lop times on the track were Llena Durante ( ' 0 0 ) in the 2 0 0 meters, B e c k y T i m m e r ( ' 9 9 ) in the 8 0 0 meters, Cyndi Bannink ( ' 9 9 ) in the 1,500 m e t e r s a n d E m i l y S o w e r s ( ' 0 1 ) in the 3,000 meters.

mmmMj

After the Spring Break trip the athletes were ready to compete. " T h e season has gone well so far this year," Sowers said.

E v e n though they have had success so far this year, the leam looks to g r o w and build on their youth.

"We have a lot of lalented freshmen lhal have specialties lhal they have focused on that will help us down the road," Sowers said. "If you have a strong basis you can

Anchor

photo

by J o h n a t h a n M u e n k

X R A C K & FIE L D: women's track team is 2-0 in MIAA competion, while the men are picking up the pace with their win against Alma yesterday. Both teams won yesterdayf but the teams split when they faced Albion in the above photos. of running left in the season as they will participate in a iri-angular meet on Saturday, April 10 with Defiance

a n d A d r i a n . T h e m e e t w i l l be counted as an M I A A evenl for each team. After lhal meet in Adrian the

team is h o m e to the M I A A season against Olivet and Calvin in another triangular meet.

build yourself up."

H o p e returns a strong core with good freshman lalenl. Some of the returners are Jennifer Earnst ('00), Ashley Pries ('00), Jannah Thompson ( ' 9 9 ) and J e n n i f e r Passchier ('99). S o m e of the new faces of ihe year are Burgess w h o has a season b e s t in t h e S h o t P u l , S a r a h Schripsema ( ' 0 2 ) with a season best in the 1,500 meter run, and Krislen McMillan ( ' 0 2 ) best in pole vault.

Softball does well on Spring Break trip but loses to Alma in MIAA action on Friday ANDREW KLECZEK staff reporter

There's nothing like going undefeated in the Florida sun to bring a team together. Over Spring Break the Hope softball team g r e w as a team on their way to an 8-0 start.

"I w a s very pleased with h o w they c a m e together as a team," said head coach Karl a Wolters.

T h e coach is not the only person can see how tight the team is.

"It's one of the closest team's I've been o n . " s a i d K i m G r o t e n h u i s ('01).

Returning from Florida with an u n b l e m i s h e d record w a s no easy task for the Flying Dutch. T h e team faced especially stiff competition

Baseball struggled

from T u f f s and Eastern Connecticut. T h e 6-1 score d o e s n ' t indicate h o w c l o s e the H o p e - T u f f s g a m e was. T h e game w a s close at 2-1 in the sixth when Hope unleashed a Hurry of runs, sparked by Carrie Scott's ( ' 0 1 ) grand slam. T u f f s w a s ranked in the Top 25 at the time.

Against the Eastern Connecticut Warriors, Hope wrought out another lough victory, behind the pitching of Lisa Larzelere ('99). In a perform a n c e that Wolters c l a s s i f i e d as "dominating," Larzelere struck out a career high 11 and retired the side twice late in the game. " H a v i n g your pitcher throw that well in a o n e run ball game showed me a lot," Wolters said.

T h e Florida trip w a s a coming of age for some of the younger players, and the resurgence of a recovering veteran. Catcher Scott, coming off of a lorn ACL, hit .600 over ihe trip, including Iwo homeruns, and 13 RBIs. She also threw out several would-be base stealers.

Also contributing in ihe tournament were Sarah Zoulek ( ' 0 2 ) and Milly Kruzel ( ' 0 1 ) , w h o hit .455 and .353 respeclively. Also making an impact early in her collegiate career was Karen Hahn ( ' 0 2 ) w h o won her first collegiate victory over Ramapo.

"Il w a s an a w e s o m e f e e l i n g , " Hahn said.

After returning to Holland, the

Flying Dutch gol a bit of a wakeup call as they split with conference rival St. Mary's.

H o p e w a s s h u t o u t in the first match, falling 5-0 to St. M a r y ' s . In the s e c o n d g a m e of t h e d o u b l e h e a d e r t h e l e a m r e g a i n e d its, "Florida form" as Wolters put it, and won 8-2. Larzelere hit her first coll e g i a t e h o m e run in the s e c o n d game.

Hope will face Alma, Wednesday at 3:30 p.m. T h e game should be pivotal in the race for the league lead. " T h e u r g e n c y of the situation isn't lost on anyone, w e ' r e going to be very focused in our preparations for them." Wolters said.

over Spring Break and split with Calvin in MIAA competition

JAMIE LADE MAN staff reporter

The Flying D u t c h m e n returned from Spring Break in Cape Coral, with a new record of 4-7.

The first two games were losses to W i s c o n s h i - S t e v e n s Point, 8 - 3 and 18-6. Despite their losses. D.J. Reyburn ( ' 9 9 ) went six-for-six in the d o u b l e h e a d e r , i n c l u d i n g t w o homeruns and a double. Rob Long (*02) had a homerun of his own in the first game.

Worse yet. Hope was shutout by Aurora twice the following Monday. T h e first g a m e A u r o r a had three homeruns and four runs in the

third inning. Hope was only able to get three singles. T h e second game w a s not much i m p r o v e d ; A u r o r a scored one run in the second inning, two in the third and a fourth in the seventh.

Hope strand seven baserunners and remain scoreless.

Kevin Kiltie, a freshmen, allowed seven hits, walked four, and struck out live in his collegiate pitching debut. First baseman Brock Isanhart (*00). had a pair of hits including a double.

The first win of the season for the Dutchmen came on March 23 over Union. N Y. However, one the biggest wins c a m e when they beat the 1997 na-

tional champs. Southern Maine, in a 5-4 victory over on the next day.

The Flying Dutchmen ran in two runs in the second inning and three more in the third to capture the win.

Hope went out with a bang when they beat Coe, Iowa twice on March 25th, 8 - 7 and 11-8. The first game was marked by a fifth inning rally for the Dutchmen with four runs.

Todd Lucas ('99) stepped in for his second save this spring to help Kevin Kittle ( ' 0 2 ) pilch his first collegiate victory. Esteves batted 3for-4 and a homerun. Clark Beacom ( ' 0 1 ) also hit a h o m e r u n in the game.

The second game also picked up

in the fifth inning af> Hope had five runs, including R e y b u r n ' s grand slam.

Reyburn also added a two-run homer to finish the game with six RBI's.

Joe F i t z s i m m o n s ( ' 0 0 ) p i t c h e d his first victory with reliever Mark Simonson ( ' 0 2 ) gaining a second save.

Kittle said that he has a positive attitude about the rest of the season.

Kittle relayed that the team was disappointed by their losses, but the teams they played were really good.

"The record w a s n ' t what we wanted, but we hope to learn from our mistakes," Kittle said.

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T h e P e n t h o u s e of 252: You girls are crazy. Try and behave for once and keep track of all of your menFrom the only sane one.

T a e - B o a n y o n e ? 3 : 0 0 as usual Schmoopsler.

To Milli Vanilli F a n s : Don't blame il on us. blame it on the rain. Love, Blonds R Us Do we e v e r get to sleep? Maybe someday!

^Anchor

S p o r t s

April

7,

I 999

M e n ' s & W o m e n ' s t e n n i s is i n f u l l s w i n g a f t e r b r e a k â&#x20AC;˘

/VIen's tennis is

undefeated

Women's

in their last

PAUL LOODEEN sports editor

seven matches.

PAUL LOODEEN sports editor

The Flying Dulchmcn lennis leani is off to good slarl by winning ihcir last seven straight to post an overall record of 8 -1.

Hope went into Spring Break trip by winning three straight. During Spring Break they kept the streak alive by winning all the matches on the trip to Phoenix, Ariz., a total of three.

On the trip they played Witworth.

Wash, on March 22. In the contest H o p e w o n f i v e of t h e s e v e n m a t c h e s . It was the first of the Spring Break matches.

In the second match on March 23, Hope played Spokane, Wash. In this match the Flying Dutchmen won decisively with seven straight wins to sweep the team.

T h e third m a t c h w a s a g a i n s t Linfield. Oregon. The match was played on March 24. and Hope won this contest 5-2.

Over the Spring Break trip the Flying Dutchmen were led by Chad

tennis looks to continue

Anchor

photo

by J o h n a t h a n M u e n k

R O L L I N G A L O N G : PaulLillie COO) stokes a volley in a victory against Alma on Tuesday March 31.

B o l l i n g e r ( ' 0 0 ) , Kai B o u c h a r d ('01). and Raj Malviya ("02 ) who all went undefeated on the trip.

Bollinger went 3-0, Bouchard went 3-0 and Malviya went 2-0 to c o n t r i b u t e to the 12 total w i n s t h e F l y i n g D u t c h m e n p o s t e d in singles play.

Since the Spring Break trip, Hope has only had one other match. Hope

squared off against Alma, Wednesday. March 31. In that match Hope won easily as the lop four singles players for Hope won.

The next action for the Flying Dutchmen will c o m e when they face off against rival Kalamazoo College today. Last year Hope lost in nine straight matches to the Hornets.

The Flying Dutch tennis team is rolling. Currently the team posts an overall record of 7-2 and a Michigan Intercollegiate Athletic Association record of 4-0.

T h e last win f o r H o p e c a m e against Saint Mary's, Wednesday.

March 31.

In the meet Hope went 5-1 in s i n g l e s c o m p e t i t i o n and 3 - 0 in doubles play.

Hope has been on a role by winning five of six with their only loss c o m i n g to D i v i s i o n I o p p o n e n t Drake, Iowa on the Spring Break trip.

In the most recent play, Hope defeated Calvin 7-2 last night. Leading the way for the Dutch were Julie Murray ('01), Jennifer Smith COO), Krissy Kooyer ( ' 0 1 ) , and Heidi VanLangevelde ('99) who all won in singles play. In doubles, the Flying Dutch swept the K n i g h t s in three straight matches.* The players are pretty happy with the way they have performed so far this year.

win streak

"Things are going real good this year," Kooyer said.

However, the success so far has not diminished their understanding of the task that is ahead of them.

"It's an up-hill battle the rest of the way." Murray said.

Tough teams lie between Hope and the goal of the MI A A crown. A championship would be the second straight in as many years for head coach Karen Page.

"We still have to play Kalamazoo then Albion, Olivet and Defiance."

Kooyer said. "We just want to do the best we can and go as far as we can."

Besides all the teams still left in conference play, the Flying Dutch will still have to compete against K e n y o n in the M i d w e s t Invitational.

Even though the team is only h a l f w a y through the season they have a bright outlook on the rest of the season.

"The team is great," Murray said.

"Everyone's attitude is good."

The next time the Flying Dutch will c o m p e t e at h o m e , is on Wednesday. April 14 at 3 p.m.

Men's s w i m m e r s r e t u r n w i t h g o o d results at N C A A ANDREW KLECZIEK staff reporter

M e n t i o n to h e a d c o a c h J o h n Patnott that the m e n ' s swim team finished ahead of K a l a m a z o o at Nationals on March 18-20 and a grin crosses his face.

"It was nice, but not really significant," Patnott said.

What was significant was that

most of the Hope s w i m m e r s improved their times and that Josh Boss ( ' 0 2 ) won a pair of gold medals. E v i d e n c e of their improved times was six school records broken this year, five of them at Nationals.

"We're really pleased at how successful we were, it's really exciting since we're all coming back next year," said Tom Bouwens ('00)

HSr

Two of .the Flying Dutchmen relay teams finished in the Top 10. earning them All-American status.

The two relays were the 200 yard medley, and the 400 yard medley, in which Hope finished fifth and fourth respectively. Swimmers on the relays were: Boss, Bouwens, Chris Dattels ( ' 0 0 ) and Jared Lippert ('00).

Patnott pointed to the team's ability to keep everything in perspective as key to their performance.

Another key, that Patnott pointed out was that the team, "freed themselves up" he said. "They took pressure off of themselves".

Patnott also feels that Dattels had a breakthrough swim in the conso-

How

they

finished

at the

Wedni?

lation event at the finals.

"That swim I hope was a breakthrough swim for him," said Patnott.

Boss's performance was the biggest individual p e r f o r m a n c e for Hope swimmers.

Boss, at his first national meet, not only d e f e a t e d d e f e n d i n g national champ, but he also qualified for the U.S. Olympic Trials.

The trials will be held August of 2000 in Indianapolis, Ind. Boss's lime in the 100 yard breaststroke would have earned him eighth at last year's Division I swim meet.

Boss will be the first Hope swimmer to participate in Olympic trials while still a student. The only other

NCAA

championship

qualifier from Hope was Rob Peale, who competed in three Olympic trials after graduation.

The team looks to be strong next year as they only lose three seniors, and return a core of solid performers. Patnott doesn't feel they will be lacking in leadership either.

"There are some natural leaders in there," Patnott said.

Want to be a Milestone editor for next year?

Applications for all positions are available at the Student Union Desk. They are due April 14.

Call

or e-mail

Milestorie with queetione.

Omlettes Scrambled Eggs Waffles with Toppings Bacon /A y/ /Sausage KeHogg's Cereals Fruit W i n Prizes

I t i S 11 s i C yj = t U. 3

^

200-Yard Medlev Rela

Sfli biace (Dattels, Bouwe

100-Yard Breaststroke: Boss, ist place ( N C A A D i v i s i o n III r e c o r d )

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