20—SATURDAY Vanguard, NOVEMBER 23 23, 2013
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Your partnership is the focus of your greatest success. The health, direction and progress of your partnership are where your greatest riches lie. When the fires of a money argument start to smolder, step aside and ask
If you're in love, beware of these pitfalls
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re you on the rocky road of love? Some of the deep potholes you encounter can cause a blowout. Careful driving with both eyes on the road will help you avoid the innumerable hazards that can wreck your precious bond. Relationships need attention and care, much like a car needs diesel or fuel, a tune-up and an oil change every 3,000 miles. On your journey of love, there are three most treacherous and common relationship pitfalls. Money, insecurity and fear of change are three demons that can spell doom for a relationship. Carefully examine each hot spot and create a set of affirmations that will keep your relationship humming. *Money is not the greatest hazard to your relationship that everyone believes it to be. Money just makes the easiest argument, guaranteed to put everyone at odds. Money casts a weird spell in very unpredictable ways. The people who have much money tend to be very worried about losing it. To those with little, money is a constant concern, pain and need. Money drives some people mad. It urges others to steal and kill. Some don’t have a care or worry about it. But to many, money is a scapegoat, an excuse for many other issues and problems. Money is always the easiest excuse. Everyone uses it. Someone is either spending too much or too little. Money is the easiest way to start an argument. When your boss yells at you for someone else’s mistake, you can work the hurt
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mate participates in activities and interests without you. However, partners must have their own identity respected and acknowledged. Together, you share mutual interests. Separately, you pursue your own. You and your mate are two independent individuals who have partnered to pursue a common goal. “Happily ever after” needs definition. Ask, “Together, what does a happy life mean to you, me and us?” Create concrete goals. Love will never be far away. *When there is change in life,you
feelings out in the gym or you can go home and pick a fight with your mate. Money causes mayhem. It is the easiest way to insult and anger the one you love. Our society places a great deal of importance and imagined power on money. Your wealth is your stature. In a relationship, money can easily corrupt your pure love. If we strip it naked, money is merely a unit of measure, an accounting tool. Money is a means of trade and exchange. Money holds no value in the strength of your relationship. Money can never be a symbol of your romantic achievements. Your partnership is the focus of your greatest success. The health, direction and progress of your partnership are where your greatest riches lie. When the fires of a money argument start to smolder, step aside and ask, “What is the underlying problem here? What are we really arguing about?” Arguments over money rarely have anything to
do with finances. What started your disagreement? Look for feelings of anger, resentment or failures with the zeal of a crime scene investigator. Who knows? At the end of the day, you may discover that nothing is really amiss . *What is the difference between a relationship and a partnership? A relationship implies love and romance. A partnership sounds more like a business deal, with roles and responsibilities carefully defined. You are seeking a healthy love with elements of both. A relationship is made up of You, Me and Us. Often times, love and emotion get tangled in mixed feelings and painful insecurities. In the workplace, none of that is tolerated. As a partner in love, you must balance yourself with heart and with your mind. Living closely and intimately is a wonderful thing. But it must be managed. Insecurity can arise when your
He cheating on me sometimes is just plain longing for companionship or true love for my ex-boyfriend. I’ll be glad if you can Ques: I’m a 29help me with this. year-old single woman from the SouthThanks. East.Fifteen months ago, I broke up with my Julia, Onitsha boyfriend because I found out that he was cheating on me. It was a very painful and Ans: He cheated on you ; you have forgiven him ; he has devastating experience. I’ve already forgiven another girlfriend now ; you still love him ; you believe him and wanted to forget all about him but I you’re destined for each other. It’s okay to forgive. It hastens can’t. Sometimes, I even hope that we'd be the healing process and frees your mind of undue stress. back together because I have this weird feeling And you’re able to love again. People make mistakes. If that we are destined for each other although your man’s case was a case of unintentional mistake, he he has another girlfriend now. But oftentimes, would repent and beg for forgiveness. Then attempt to make I’m happy and contented being single and it up to you by keeping straight going forward. The fact unattached. I’m just confused if what I feel that he now has a new girlfriend indicates that he’s no
seek stability, looking for the things that you can trust, count on and believe in. You expect the same from a relationship. As human beings, we naturally seek an order to our ever-changing world. Stability is elusive to embrace. Stability rarely exists. By accepting the reality of our world and the need to embrace change, we create a greater worldview of life. It allows us to discern the difference between the things we can worry about and those that we should not bother about. What can you change? And what are the things over which you have no control? Everything changes. Accept change. It’s happening whether you like it or not. An appreciation of change will become the life force and strength of your love. True love is never easy. Like all good things in life, your relationship needs attention and maintenance. Check the oil. Wash the car. Keep the air in your tires. Hit the gas and let your love fly.
longer interested in you contrary to what he says. Should you pursue the relationship further? In my candid opinion, no. Why? He is using you as a fall back position. If his current relationship turns out well, he will forget you. If things turn sour, he may come back on his knees begging you to accept him. I’m pretty sure you don’t want to be second choice. Even if he did come back, there is no guarantee that he won’t stray again when a prettier woman crosses his path. You deserve better. Of course, you can still love him. It’s almost impossible to throw away all your emotional investments in the relationship in a jiffy. That will be asking too much. You may continue to love him. But that in itself is not proof that you were destined to be together.
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