SUNDAY VANGUARD, MAY 18, 2014, PAGE 23
08112662589
Romance after 60: 1 seem to have stirred the hornets’ nest!
A
few weeks ago when I gave an opinion on starting a fresh romance at 60 +, I carried a few remarks of readers who believed I wasn’t fair on people in that age group who believed they still had passion in their loins. Lola, a 62-year old retired nurse and an old friend came into my office recently. I hadn’t seen her for years, and looking at her, I didn’t know how to describe what I saw in her face -happiness? Resignation? The last time I saw her was over a decade ago. She’d just had her 50th birthday and told me that now the kids had grown, she was thinking of leaving her husband of 25 years. “I guess Motola (the husband) and I have outgrown each-other,” she sighed. “All he does is swig beer by the TV Whilst I get on with keeping the household together. I mean is this domestic drudgery all there is to life? The plus paints are the two well-behaved children of the marriage - and my job as the head of a small clinic set up by a manufacturing firm. I enjoy the money and the confidence my career brings. But work isn’t everything and marriage to Motola is a minus. We’ve had good times, yes, but they’ve not outweighed the bad. I long for liberation. All I need now is the courage to
break free. At my 50th birthday party, some of the guests laughed and danced with their partner. Realisation dawned - my marriage was definitely over. Now I owe it to myself to make the next few decades happy...” A couple of years after, I heard she’d not only landed a new man, she was thinking of tying the knots. I was a bit apprehensive. At 58, what kind of complex knot would she be tying? When 1 got her on the phone, she confessed she never thought she could be so lucky. “After I made my decision to start a new life, I first sort the blessings of my two children,” she filled me in. 4They were all for it. They knew I was the bubbly type and was no longer happy being married to their dad. So on the rare occasion he travelled to see his mum, I moved into a flat I’d bought a few months back. I left Motola a note that I didn’t think we’d ever resolve our issues and wished him well. Callous? I don’t think so. The time of ‘talking it over’ was long gone. I’d finally cut loose. “ “When I met Mike, I wasn’t really looking for romance. He was a widower with three children and, at eight years older
than I am, had good physique. He was a gentleman too; making sure I was well-provided for and always calling I was alright if he wasn’t with me. Two of his children were abroad and only the youngest, who had a good job, lived with him. The house he lives in is quite big and it felt spooky whenever I visited. It was as if the ghost of his wife was still hanging around. “I was quite touched when he redecorated a part of the house and let the rest. So when he asked me to marry him, I didn’t hesitate.
We have become one of those loving couples I’d always yearned to be. We’ll be getting married soon, and you’ll be invited...” After she left, I was still sceptical. Why spoil the freedom she’d just earned by getting hitched so soon? She was clocking 60 when I learnt of her marriage. I shrugged and wished her well. Now, here she was in my office looking as if she’d won a jackpot - and lost it. “How is married life?” I asked her, not quite sure of what her answer would be. “Hmmm...” She sighed. “My sister, I’ve been to hell
and back! “Married life was good. As soon as we got married, 1 put the house up for rent and moved in with my new husband. He was like a new groom. It was as if he was trying to prove to himself he was still a stud. He used sex enhancing drugs and drugs to give his hormones a boost. I was already menopausal, but, surprisingly the sex was good. We couldn’t get enough of each other. You can then imagine how alarmed I was when I discovered I was pregnant! My periods weren’t regular and I was already four months gone when my doctor told me I didn’t have a bloated tummy, that I was with child! I laughed. He was joking of course. My husband had gotten me some feelgood drugs he said would make me feel virile - which they did. Could they have been responsible for my pregnancy? “My daughter was already married and having children of her own. Will mother and child be now new parents? What would Mike say? I know he would be ecstatic about it, but I wasn’t. He took me straight to our pastor who recommended all sorts of prayers and fasting to see me through. Secretly, I wondered if he wasn’t responsi-
ble for this ‘miracle’ child. What was in my tummy?! Scans revealed a healthy foetus alright, but I wasn’t sure I wanted a baby. When rumours started flying in the church that my ‘miracle’ baby was a ruse, the pastor arranged for me to have a spiritual birth with other expectant mothers so they could see my bump. “Anyway, I had the child a healthy boy and Mike said he was going to be the bond that tied our union together. My children weren’t exactly jumping for joy - neither were Mike’s. Unfortunately, our son was only five months old when he suffered from diarrhoea. As a nurse, I knew what to do and when he didn’t stop stooling, I took him to the hospital where he died a few days later. I was devastated of course, and so was Mike. To this day, I still can’t understand what happened to my body. Believe me, if I’d known 1 was pregnant in the early days, I would have had a termination. “Life goes on though, and Mike and I are trying to pick up the pieces. He’s promised to stop using his wonder drugs and I’ve thrown mine out of the window. All I want is a quiet life, not a controversial one!”
08052201867(Text Only)
Fight the flab in your arms
F
OR the pearshaped woman fat is mostly concentrated in the lower half of the body. With the apple-shaped one the
lard is mostly in the upper half. As to which type a woman belongs is determined by the genes. That’s the recent report on the phenomenon of fat distribution in the body. So what does this mean to the person desirous of shedding too much fat.” Obviously it must be thus if the fat is chiefly in the torso in comparison to the thighs and legs, it means you’ll have to do a lot more exercises for the top half. If the problem is in the lower half it calls for you to do a lot more exercises meant for the lower half. Well, in yoga the idea is to exercise a greater part of the body everyday. In fact with as few as ten postures almost every part of the organism can be “touched” ensuring an all round state of good conditioning.
My yoga teacher’s approach used to be that you are given as few as three postures to practise diligently. After two months practice when the body could then assume the postures with considerable duration (which is what counts in yoga, the ability to hold a posture for the full count) then he would add a couple more. One good thing about this approach is that it ensures that each posture is mastered and not improperly executed. We have discussed the need to keep the thighs and legs well in tone. We know an exercise like the chair pose works wonders on flabby thighs. We also know that the deep knee bend or Vajirasana practised faithfully banishes celulite. For those women whose arms are flabby there are three postures prescribed here to deal with the problem. Of course there are other postures that can equally deliver but we shall focus on these three for
now. Let’s start off with the Camel Posture which is
called dhirtyasana in Sanskirt. Sit on the heels keeping your knees apart arrange the hands with palms flat down on the heels. As you inhale deeply lift the pelvis and chest
high up as possible as you drop back the head. Retain the pose for about 20 seconds as you breathe deeply. Breathing out sit on the heels again. Besides rendering a good work out in the arms, the camel is excellent for strengthening the Pelvis small of the back
,
Sit on the heels keeping your knees apart, arrange the hands with palms flat down on the heels. As you inhale deeply lift the pelvis and chest high up as possible as you drop back the head
,
* The Camel
Yoga classes STARTED at 32 Adetokunbo Ademola, Victoria Island, Lagos, 9.10am on Saturdays
and the abdominal muscles. Our second exercise is the Writer’s Pose. Sit on the heels and bending the left arm, bring it up. Bend the right hand downwards and hook fingers of both hands. This is to be done for as long as it’s comfortable. Then change hands and repeat. Apart from working up a miracle in the arms I have said it before that it is great against a running nose.” You can do the writer’s posture for a more forward-thrusting posture. Our third posture is the Inclined Plane. As you sit with legs wide apart place your hands on the ground behind the back. Inhale while houting up the waist as high as you can be above the ground very slowly and carefully. As you exhale, return slowly to the floor and lie flat down on your back for a short rest. You may repeat this exercise three times” - Morning and evening. Apart from the arms this posture brings tone to the legs and abdomen.