SUND AY Vanguard , SEPTEMBER 9, 2012, PAGE 21 SUNDA bunmsof@yahoo.co.uk
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What you should say when he asks of your ‘past’!
A
friend of mine recently met the man of her dreams. In the whirlwind courtship that followed, they quickly got round to the conversational games that lovers play. And “so it was that Mr. Right asked Miss Right: “How many men have you slept with? The sensible girl immediatefy reversed the question, to which .’he answered ‘13’. She then replied with a circumspect ‘10’. “How many is it reaUy?” I.asked excitedly. ‘Somewhere between a hundred and a hundred and ten’, she said, not batting.aneyeJid. ‘So why did she say 10?’ I just thought that whatever he said, mine should be less”. How brutally honest can you get? 100 to 110 guys in how many years?! “This littl.e story got me thinking what most latter day emotional.Shylock Holmes, think they are letting themselves in for when they seem bent on digging into past histories of their new lovers! It is a really funny question when you are faced with that kind of a quandary. “As a regular rule,” continued our woman-of-the worfd, “a woman woufd do well to gauge her answer from a man’s. But what happens if he says 400? Would a response of 308 show a charmingly coy sexual reticence or elicit an indignant ‘you’re not the mother of my future children” from her shocked partner? ‘One thing you shoufd avoid saylng is that you
can’t remember because that could reflect badly on you. I can’t remember? That many, is it? She continues: “As a rule men, automatkaUy double the real figure and women automatkatly halve it. Factual information backs up th• theory. Th• re are lies, damn lies and statistics and then there are sexual statistics which must be special kind of double lie. Whatever lies you tell, you need to get your head above the proverbial troubled waters! “How many people you sleep with is a private matter. How many people you admit to having stept with is a social matter and, therefore, a question of manners. What you tell your friend is different from what ·you tell your lovers. People want to feel special, not as though they are part of a sprawling number game. A white
lie 1sn’t necessarily a wicked deceit, but could be simple courtesy. Why tread on someone’s dreams when you can just as easily not?” Good common sense, that is, if you ask me. On1y it is amazing, how many good relationships are put in reopardy in the male partners’ quest to find out how promiscuous their female partners are. Are they as promiscuous as ‘friends’ say they are? At one of our ‘old-students’ renewals recently, we reverted to nostalgia, asking about old boyfriends. One of us looked particularly sad and it expired that after her studies, she became pregnant and planned excitedly for a wedding wtth the love of her life. She was more than bewildered when the boy practically disappeared from the face of the earth. He surfaced again years
later to discover that she’s not only had the child but got married to one of his friends. You guessed it! The friend who warned him that she was no wife material as she’d practically slept with most of their friends. “Sex”, continues our ‘expert’ “is the final frontier when it comes to lies and hypocrisy and that’s why the word ‘promiscuous’ was invented. It is a pointed finger of a word and it only ever refers to other people but us. Come to think of it, when in your sober moments, you try to count the number of ‘lovers’ you’ve slept with, who really counts? The ones you had to struggle with and give in just to get them off your back? Or the ones you really like and you pray fervently for him to have more staying-power in the bedroom that never
new babies will always be born, as long as life will always continue to exist on earth, my love for you will live for ever, don't doubt me, doubt your doubt, because I have given you my life and nothing can me from loving you. I love very much. Omorville Umoru omorville@yahoo.com, 08062486549
Y
OUR column to express your loving thoughts in words to your sweetheart. Don’t be shy. Let it flow and let him or her know how dearly you feel. Write now in not more than 75 words to: The Editor, Sunday Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos. E.mail: sunlovenotes@yahoo.com Please mark your envelope: “LOVE NOTES"
Unfailing love
My love, as long as the sun and moon continues to shine, as long as the rain and snow will always fall, as long as there is seed time and harvest, as long as
I want perfect love
I want a love that's patient, caring, and kind, a love that judges with the heart and never with the mind. This love must transform all of the commonplace things; turn the mountains into rubies, gild the butterflies' wings. I want endless beauty, sweetness and grace with all the magic that glows from some fairytale place.I want a love that's faithful, too precious to ever forsake; it must be unselfish, giving more than it takes. This love I dream of must be nothing short of divine,
comes? Or the ones that go on and on that you pray for the punishment to be over soon! Believe it or not, when you get to a certain age, you even lose count! Years ago, when diplomacy was a strong word in my dictionary, a guy I was crazy about recounted his escapades with the various women he’d slept with and told me arrogantly he thought he should be honest with me in case some of his miffed exlovers want to embarrass me, seeing he was now mad about me. I scoffed inwardly at his conceit. Calmly, I told him a few of the lovers I’d had ‘meaningful’ relationships with and mentioned a few names for good measure. Names with muscles that would make his look puny! “You mean they all meant that much to you?” he wanted to know. I
nodded. “Like you feel the same way about me now?” Again, I nodded. “You’ve said all these erotic things you say to me from time to time during love-making to them?” I squirmed. I didn’t ask for the blowby-blow account of his escapades, so why the third degree? A few weeks later, one of the “lovers I mentioned with whom I’d remained very good friends paid me a visit. We were on the front porch, nattering over refreshments when lover boy showed up unexpectedly – he’d been doing that a lot since we had our ‘true confession’ . His face was like thunder. As I made to introduce my guest, he flared up. “I know who he is,” he yelled. Turning to the poor man he asked: “What are you doing here, you good-for-nothing moneybag. Agbaya. Why don’t you run along to your wife!” He was a no-nonsense man and before I knew it, they were both having a shouting match. Enraged, I asked my boyfriend to leave if he was going to be violent. He went for my throat! So ladies, don’t be fooled by all these men telling you they need to wipe the slate clean by knowing all about your past. Tell your man what he wants to know - remembering this would be one of the occasions when white lies are allowed, otherwise, what you say honestly might be used against you in future!
on a deeper level than mortal man can define. I want a love above all loves, a love that's honest, believing, and true.Such a love could only come from God...and you. Chris Onunaku dekris4real@gmail.com 08032988826/08184844015
My love
Your face is like the most beautiful part of the world, a beauty to look upon every morning. most times, thinking about you (your love) gives me wings, I feel like flying with you to a serene place where we can watch the world. beleieve me, you are my best acheivement in earth. The only one that put a smile on my face through out the day. I love you. Kelechi Ndubisi kconeofafrica@gmail.com, 08032900530