46 — Vanguard, TUESDAY DECEMBER 04, 2012
When intimacy refuses to bind (5)
E
mmanuel, (29), Sur veyor, has been living alone for the last three years. His wife insists she cannot endure a sexual relationship with him. Why? His account: After they were discharged from the hospital, Bola returned to her parents’ for further care on the order of her mother. I later heard that they said they could not trust me to keep my hands off her and that they do not want a repeat of what happened before. I was disappointed, but
maybe not as much as my parents and siblings were. They insisted that if Bola needed care, it ought to be at either our matrimonial home or my parents’ home since we were legally married in every way possible in the eyes of God and
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HI, a lot have been said about sex. Its ordained by God for procreation and recreation between a man and his wife. It has been described as the lubricating oil for a healthy,intimate relationship. Sex has also been ascribed some therapeutic and rejuvinating powers. The more sex a couple has the better for them and their relationship. However, this is not always the case in many relationships. Sex, which ought to be freely given and enjoyed between a man and his wife may sometimes turn them into enemies, eventually destroying their otherwise great marriage and relationship. In this article, our respondents share with us, their stories and how it affected their lives. Please, feel free to share your experience or that of someone you know with us too. It might be benefitial to someone out there. Our address remains: The Human Angle, Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos. E-mail address: humananglepage@yahoo.com. Happy reading!
she relocates back home. Though I was happy to have them back, things did not change. We continued to live together like strangers. Sometimes she will relax but most of the time, she had a scowl on her face. All her attention was
My mother said all her efforts to make Bola’s mum see reason with her failed as she insisted that marriage was not only about sex and enjoyment
man. Bola was now our responsibility and not her parents’. But their argument did not hold much water and Bola and our daughter remained at her parents’. She did not return home until she was due to resume back at work after the expiration of her maternity leave. Before this time, all sorts of rumours had been making rounds in the family circle and even in the church and my place of work. Bola had not been attending our own church but had been following her parents to their family church. At first, it made sense to me, but my people did not see it that way. Being with them did not mean we were no longer a family and we ought to worship at th same place people insisted. This was also another source of embarrassment for me as I had to constantly make up excuses for her absence. The visit by the Pastor’s wife and the Woman Leader to Bola at her parents’ house did not yield any result too as she only told them she will return when
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on the baby and her work, nothing more. If I made to touch her, all hell will break lose. She was not ready. She was scared. She wants the baby to grow older. She does not want to have another baby. There was no excuse under the sun that she did not cook up. Eventually, almost three months after her return, I had to confess to my parents, the Pastor and a few friends that nothing had changed. I just needed help. How can I be married and still not be allowed to enjoy myself? However, at the church, all I was being told was that I had to be patient. It takes a lot of patience to be a good husband. It was because we are both young and inexperienced. Soon, they began to sound like music from a broken record, annoying. Back at work, things were not as encouraging too, as friends and colleagues were also asking questions which I did not have adequate answers for. As for my family, the story was not much different. My mother especially,
became rather impatient with the whole arrangement. She soon concluded after her visit to Bola’s parents to discuss the issue once again, that her parents were aiding her in dodging her marital responsibility. According to her, her discussion with Bola’s mother proved to her that Bola’s excuses were echoes of her mother’s words. She said Bola’s mother was uncooperative about seeking help for the problem and only kept enphasising on the fact that she was not ready to have her daughter maimed or killed because of sex or marriage. Bola’s mother told my mother that she is the one who knows how she suffered to have her daughter and raise her as a good woman. She will not stand by and watch while someone will kill her in her prime over nothing. She insisted that because of my peculiar problem and the fact that Bola had to be operated upon and her illness after, she would not want her to be rough handled for any reason for now. According to her, women who undergo such operations cannot have another child until after two years at least, so, there ought to be no hurry about resuming sex. My mother said all her efforts to make Bola’s mum see reason with her failed as she insisted that marriage was not only about sex and enjoyment. It was more about companionship, endurance, living godly lives, worship and making heaven. She asked my mother how many times one needs to have sex to make children, adding that sex is not food. My mother concluded that she had always suspected that Bola’s mother wielded some powers over her father, but she did not realise how much until that day. That the mother did not allow the father a chance to even contribute to the matter and the man promptly excused himself, insisting it was women’s talk.
To be continued Asisted by Onozure Dania
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How to know when you are in love BY ONOZURE DANIA
FOR thousands of years, the feeling of being in love has been described as one of the most beautiful things ever. A person ‘in love’ is optimistic, humane and most importantly has the ability to love a fellow human being. All through a person’s life, you will love many people, including parents, relatives, siblings, friends, etc. However, being in love, is different from loving all those around you. Love is very difficult to describe. This subtle feeling may occur because of a single look, smell, words and appearance can change the way you feel about someone. Though most of the time, it is the physical appearance that plays a huge role and initially attracts someone to you. However, love is not just a physical attraction, it is as spiritual and emotional as physical. Therefore, if people do not show the love to each other spiritually, the physical attraction may wear off soon. When you are in love, you will feel a strong bond between you and the other person. You will always be on the lookout for this person. You will be happy whenever the person you are in love with acknowledges you. This acknowledgement could be a mere look, a polite nod and so on, it could be just anything.The feeling of being in love is one of the most beautiful of them all. You will find that everything around you seems bright, sunny, optimistic, happy, etc. Being in love is a unique experience all human being should undergo. The experience can teach us, make us to reach new heights in maintaining and nurturing relationship. It is difficult to conceal love from others especially when the person you love
is around you. People who know you well will immediately notice the difference in your attitude. When you are in love, there is no way you can hide your feelings. As much as you may try, you will end up expressing love one way or the other. Your being in love however should be conveyed to the right person perfectly. Again, in matters of the heart, the faster you convey the better it is. There are many ways you can convey these feelings. However, you should know whether this person nurtures similar feelings towards you or not. You can know whether or not you are in love with a person.You can simply use some practical knowledge and divine signals. This can be conveyed to you successfully through a counsellor. They can use the information or photograph of the person and summon special energies for letting you know whether the person you are in love with is in love with you too. Your Councillor can guide you, during this time of deep confusion. You will also know whether or not if this love is a reality or it is simply infatuation which will wear off in no time. With the help of a Counsellor, you will also know the right time for letting this person know about your feelings. You can also know whether or not the person you are interested in is not really in love with someone else. Your being in love is precious. You should try and see a Counsellor, because they can guide you aptly and help you out of the confusion. You will also know clearly whether or not you should go ahead with love. It would always be better if you can gain help from a genuine counsellor and gain help in precious matters of the heart.
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