Valley Living Summer 2018 by Valley Living

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Summer 2018

“Because they get me” A camp for children with autism

Our farewell issue Putting “neighbor” back into neighborhood Shenandoah Spotlight on Keyri Lopez-Godoy

Send in your Word Search puzzle to be entered into a special drawing! (Details on pages 5 and 30.)

www.valleyliving.org

ADVENTURES IN TRAVEL An innovative company … … for a changing environment July 16-18, 2018

Motorcoach trip to “Ark Encounter and Creation Museum”

Williamstown, KY and Cincinnati, OH A replica of Noah’s Ark - 510 feet long, 85 feet wide, 51 feet high The largest timber frame structure in the world Blue Grass/Celtic Music Performance

October 15-26, 2018

“The Magic of Morocco”

Features - Casablanca, Rabat, Sahara Desert, Camel Ride, High Atlas Mountains, nomadic villages, Fez, one of the holiest cities in the world, Marrakesh, and more (several spaces left)

Projected to be March 4 & 5, 2019 (Date to be set)

Motor Coach Trip to Philadelphia Flower Show at the Convention Center Theme: “Flower Power”

Early May, 2019 (Dates to be set)

“Peru - Land of the Incas”

Featuring “Machu Picchu” also Inca sites - Saqsayhuaman, Tambomachay, The Sacred Valley, Cusco, Pisac, Urubamba, and more

For More Information contact Ed & Edie Bontrager 540-574-3833 (Ofﬁce), 540-209-7457 (Cell) ~ Harrisonburg, VA www.travelventuretours.com ~ eebontrager@comcast.net

2 living • Summer 2018

houffcorp.com

97 Railside Drive, Weyers Cave, VA 24486 (540) 234-9246 or Toll Free (866) 234-7337

Contents 4 Editorial 5 Community Connections 6 “Because they get me”: A camp for children with autism 8 Putting “neighbor” back into neighborhood 10 The many faces of Valley Living 12 Money making ideas for tweens & teens 14 Even mothers get lonely 15 Curried Chicken Salad

16 Eat out for less 17 Breaking bread together 18 Ways dads can be dads 19 Shenandoah Spotlight on Keyri Lopez-Godoy 20 Accepting my mother’s alcoholism

22 Grief tiptoeing through our hearts 24 Self-care for your back 26 Alone time? What’s that? 28 I wet the bed again 31

Word Search

In Every Issue

Community Connections pg. 5

Money Matters pg. 12

Cooking Corner pg. 15

Family Forum pg. 17

Shenandoah Spotlight pg. 19

Living can be found at these locations, and more, throughout the Valley: Harrisonburg DQ Grill & Chill, Carlton St. DQ Grill Harmony Square Finders Keepers Friendly City Food Coop Gift and Thrift Golden Corral Hardesty Higgins Harrisonburg Farmer’s Market Kate’s Natural Products Massanutten Regional Library

Mercy House Mr. J’s Harmony Square Red Front Supermarket Sentara RMH Clinic Sentara RMH Medical Center Rt. 11 North Exxon Salvation Army Store Sharp Shopper Shenandoah Heritage Farmers Market Styles Unlimited

Bridgewater/Dayton Dayton Farmer’s Market Bridgewater Foods Supermarket Broadway/Timberville Broadway Supermarket Crider’s Store Mac’s Superette Turner Ham

Elkton/Shenandoah Countryside Market/Exxon 340 Market & Deli/Liberty Elkton Grocery Mamma Mia Restaurant Linville Mac’s Market Luray Shoppers Value Foods

Mt. Crawford Joy Foodmart Exxon

New Market 7-Eleven

Mt. Jackson Save-A-Lot

Penn Laird 7-Eleven On The Run

Mt. Solon/Augusta Co. Zach’s Country Store North River Country Store

Singer’s Glen Grandle’s Glenview Market Weyers Cave Weyers Cave Super Save

Cover photo: Curtis Custer, a student at John C. Myers Elementary School, explores the wonders of a summer dandelion. PHOTO BY BRIAN ALGER

Summer 2018 • living 3

Interconnected © BRADLEY STRIEBIG PHOTOGRAPHY

Time to say farewell, and heartfelt thanks

have been stalling writing this editorial because it is hard to let Valley Living go. It has been a small publication but with a big vision to make our Valley and the world a better place by sharing good news and encouragement, especially in the realm of family living. Print publications fall by the wayside every day, and many of those have had much bigger budgets and staffs and wider reach than this small magazine. So we do not consider this publication to have failed. In our times, digital communication is much cheaper, more far reaching, and taps more of the generation who are in the thick of raising their families today. But online, we would have an even harder time getting support from local advertisers, we surmise. I am sorry we have to say farewell to this community connection so many of you have enjoyed and supported by sending donations, buying ads, patronizing advertisers, subscribing to the paper, faithfully completing word search puzzles and sending them in—and often including your notes of support and sharing your favorite articles. In 2016 we celebrated 25 years publishing this paper; I was along for the ride almost from the very beginning, first of all as just the local editor of the Shenandoah Valley edition. At one point this paper was published (some differing formats) in four communities in the eastern U.S. I became overall editor in 1992, when our daughters were turning 6, 9 and 11— when I was certainly in the middle of very busy parenting years. I took on the job because it allowed me to keep working part time at my main job (60-90 percent time), allowing me to work from home as editor. Indeed, our daughters all took their turns creating word search puzzles in their high school years, happy to earn the $25 pay (we are grateful for puzzle maker Jeanette Showalter who has compiled them for the last 15 years or so). The vision for this paper had always been to grow it much larger, with more editions in more communities. When the last of the “other” editions had to close a few years ago, that was the beginning of the end for funding for our overall operation. Perhaps if I had been able to give it more time, or if we had been able to build a bigger support base, or … the “what ifs” are endless. Know this: people who put a magazine or paper together which they love, work hard to make it the best they are able to do given budget, time, vision, skills and resources. And in that regard, I feel super pleased to have worked with so many fine, fun and dedicated individuals over the last 27 years: Eugene Souder, founder and first editor and graphic designer of the original tabloid size; Laban Peachey, long time chair of the board; Eugene’s family members including his dear wife, Alice, and daughter Ann and son Paul; Richard Benner, the director for a number of years (who died last November). There were outstanding sales persons who kept us thriving and debt Volume 27 No. 2 free for many years: from old timers John Kreider, Paul Yoder, and Ray Ressler, to our most recent representatives, Kay Kibler and Ivette Churney; we benefited Valley Living inspires hope, encourages from detail-oriented, efficient production managers Dorothy Hartman and Lindsey faith and builds positive relationships in the home, workplace and community. Shantz, and designers Shawn Snider and Mary Jo Veurink. Mary Jo created our most recent format in the smaller size. Some of our local columnists have been with Media for Living, Publisher us also almost from the beginning, especially Harvey Yoder; more recently Ken and Melodie Davis, Editor Karen Gonyer, added great advice on family finances. We have had dozens of helpful Ivette Churney, Sales Representative Kay Kibler, Sales Representative board members over the years. From recent years I will name Jonas Borntrager Mary Jo Veurink, Layout & Design and Trisha Blosser as tireless board presidents who volunteered countless hours to Lindsey Shantz, Production & Finance Manager keep things running, with Jonas (and others) delivering the publication to countless Media for Living Board of Directors newsstands. Many of you know and remember local writer Lauree Purcell who also Trisha M. Blosser, president volunteered her time, and Stephanie Hertzenberg worked as a yearlong (unpaid) Tracey Veney, vice president intern. A special thank you to Christopher Clymer Kurtz who assisted us these past David Rohrer, secretary couple months. And I dare not forget my secret partner in crime for many years, Ann Kevin Yoder, CPA, Treasurer Jonas Borntrager Yoder, (married to sales associate Paul), who called me with so many article leads and Beth Driver ideas. Freelance writers supplied the bulk of the articles many of whom were thrilled Angela Rempel to be paid and published in Valley Living even though our checks were modest. Aldine Musser Finally, I need to thank my own family and especially husband Stuart, all of whom Opinions expressed in Valley Living are not were always very supportive, even though the job sometimes took me away evenings necessarily those of Media for Living. or busy on weekends interviewing interesting people from Published cooperatively with this valley and sharing their stories. Thank you, one and all, Media for Living, a non-profit corporation, P.O. Box 1501, Harrisonburg, VA 22803 who consented to have part of your family’s story told in (540) 433-5351 • info@valleyliving.org these pages. Your stories and lives benefited and enriched www.valleyliving.org Melodie Davis, editor Printed in the USA by Engle Printing, Mount Joy, Pa. the rest of us! melodie@valleyliving.org © 2018 by Media for Living

4 living • Summer 2018

Community Connections Letters, local events, news Win one of three prizes

Since this summer issue is the final issue of Valley Living, instead of sending in your puzzle for your name to be printed in the publication, send your completed puzzle, name and address to be entered in a drawing to be one of three winners of a year’s free subscription to Purpose magazine, a $28.25 value. Published by a local church-related company, MennoMedia, Purpose is a 32-page inspirational monthly magazine, which as of Sept. 1, will be edited by Melodie Davis, (who served as editor of Valley Living for almost 25 years). The magazine has a number of the same writers as you’ve seen in Valley Living, and puzzle creator Jeanette Showalter is joining the team of four regular puzzle creators, usually on biblical themes.

magazine. It has so many stories that touch the heart. –Vivian Hitt, Elkton Sorry to hear that one more issue will be last. I enjoy all the articles. –Frances Ritchie, Harrisonburg I am 88 and most of these stories were geared for those much younger, but I enjoyed all of them a lot. They sure are good for families, very informative and helpful for parents. I hope you will be able to keep them going. –Lois Auville, Bridgewater “You never know what God has in His plan for you, so cherish every day you have on this earth.” –Janice Jones, Shenandoah

in car show, inflatables and children’s entertainment, a special message from Steve Wingfield, a ceremony to honor veterans, military personnel, and first responders and more. All events are free, and there will be food for sale from local vendors. In addition, a youth worship service will also be held at the fairgrounds the night before the Memorial Day celebration. This event is open to youth groups throughout the area. Call (800) 729-2239 for more information.

Habitat for Humanity announces a “Playhouse build” competition

A Habitat “Playhouse build” competition is Central Valley Habitat for Humanity’s newest fundraising event. Any group in 6th annual Memorial Day Harrisonburg/Rockingham community Community Celebration adds can register to build a playhouse and therefore learn the ins-and-outs of Habitat two events in miniature by finding sponsors and Two events have been added to the crowdfunding to pay for your playhouse, Memorial Day Community Celebration Letters from readers and then coming together on Oct. 20 to at the Rockingham County fairgrounds I enjoy this seasonal magazine so build it. Monday May 28. The event will be much. Love the stories, the puzzle and Planners expect build groups to consist outdoors from 4-8 p.m. Bring chairs or more. Also the recipes. “Love to cook!” of five to 10 people, who will raise money blankets. Grammy Award winning Gospel Get my magazine at Liberty in Elkton for the mini-build through crowdfunding singer, Jason Crabb will be performing, and Golden Corral in Harrisonburg. God along with John Schmid and Jeff Polen. online websites such as GoFundMe or bless! –Yvonne Tincher, Elkton Kickstarter, or find sponsorships from local Other events will include a cruisebusinesses or organizations for a Valley Living is a total of $1500. The local chapter publication that has been of Habitat provides a construction read and enjoyed in our manager for groups without family for many years. construction experience. On Oct. Years ago, my father and 20, 2018, groups will compete mother relocated here from for awards among other groups New Jersey to be close to their building a playhouse. Civic groups, grandchildren. This publication colleges, churches, organizations, became a favorite of their home “Mom’s apron” was big hit businesses, are urged to participate. to read through. In fact, my dad Over 231 readers returned the Word Search The $1500 covers the plans submitted his word search puzzle offering feedback on favorite articles in the spring and building materials for the every time this was printed. Many issue. “Mom’s apron” was the top vote getter with playhouse. The completed years have passed since this fond 95 votes; “Be a hero to a hero” – 59; “How would playhouses will be sold to memory but just wanted to share Jesus parent?” (Family Forum column) – 42; interested families to raise funds that with you and let you know “An education with a +” - 41; and “I don’t have for Central Valley Habitat for the tradition continues. –Theresa anything to worry about” (Money Matters column) Humanity. If you have questions, Eckstein, Harrisonburg – 32. All articles and the Word Search puzzle can be call Kirsten Lambert at the local found and downloaded at valleyliving.org. Habitat office at (540) 828-6288. I can’t imagine not reading Living

Word Search Notes

Responses from readers

Summer 2018 • living 5

“Because they get me”:

A camp for children with autism

by MELODIE DAVIS

hile a week at camp swimming and fishing may be common pastimes on the summer schedule of many kids and families, often children with autism don’t get those opportunities. That is changing for a small group of children gearing up to participate in the first two-week day camp being organized by concerned teachers, therapists and parents in the Broadway, Va. area. Approximately one in 68 children has some form of autism, and one in 42 are boys. Sending a child with autism to a regular camp can create even more stress and anxiety for the child, and they act out even more. Scott Showalter, teacher of a class for children with autism at John C. Myers Elementary School (JCMES) and three others spoke at the Broadway Lions Club recently sharing facts, stories and enthusiasm for this specialized field of education. Autism of course is a spectrum of symptoms and behaviors: from not talking at all to talking all the time; restricted interests, repetitive patterns of behavior, delays in developmental milestones, or excelling in specific activities like art, math or memorization; persistent deficits in social communication, difficulties with dressing, reading and activities like going to church; some have extremely limited diets (such as refusing to eat anything other than French fries or breakfast cereal). Raising a child with autism can be fraught with stress, anxiety, and frustration—not easy for child, parents, siblings, extended family and friends. Still, say parents and teachers of children with any of these issues, the children have so much to offer the world. Parents and teachers learn to capitalize on the child’s strengths. “If a child has autism, it doesn’t mean they are slow or incapable; they can be very high functioning,” says one of the teachers at JCMES, and parent of a child with autism. She said kids with autism face many challenges, the first of which is often getting an accurate diagnosis. Families seeing developmental delays in their children also face delays as they seek doctors and wait for appointments.

Bentley Delawder enjoys a puppet as part of the learning curriculum in his classroom. PHOTO BY BRIAN ALGER

6 living • Summer 2018

When they get old enough to go to school, they face additional difficulties. There really is no cure, except for therapies, and time. The Broadway camp is called Camp Jigsaw and will be headquartered at JCMES. Holly Blais, who teaches pre-K (4-year-olds), was previously employed at a camp in Pennsylvania for children with autism, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, and a variety of other disabilities with an emphasis on improving social skills. She notes children with autism are often more comfortable with others like themselves. She received an email about a child who absolutely loved the Pennsylvania camp and insisted he

From left to right: Macen Fulk reads to children at JCMES which is a part of the “peer mentoring” that children enjoy. An outdoor garden offers motor development and exercise beside science learning for Bentley Delawder. Mr. Showalter gets a heartfelt hug from Curtis Custer. PHOTOS BY BRIAN ALGER AND SCOTT SHOWALTER

needed to go again the following year. His mother asked why, what was so special? “Because they get me,” her son responded. The name, Camp Jigsaw, refers to the logo often used by autism groups, and points to the fact autism is like a puzzle piece that doesn’t fit—children may feel they don’t fit, researchers don’t know what causes it, how to prevent it, and sometimes how to treat it. But involved parents, teachers, professionals—and the children—are learning. The planners have worked to make the camp available free of charge because families often have many extra expenses and such camps are often unaffordable for families with average budgets.

If a child has autism, it doesn’t mean they are slow or incapable; they can be very high functioning. This year it will be available for approximately 15-20 children meeting specific criteria related to autism. Showalter, who teaches six students in JCMES’ autism program says they are planning at least three field trips: to the Broadway pool, a rafting trip, and trout fishing at Fulks Run; there will be opportunity for pony rides, and a visit by an ice cream truck. They will be engaged with STEM-type projects (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math), sensory play, punching bags, art therapy, a Kung Fu instructor, yoga, therapy dogs, cooking, music therapy, movies, ball games and more. Showalter enjoys helping children learn the skills to communicate better. Their social skills also improve in such an environment. “It is treatable—many children are very gifted,” Showalter says. “They make progress.” Jill Rice, speech pathologist at the school, noted the kids are motivated to cooperate by receiving rewards for good behavior. “If you think treats and rewards are not healthy,” she points out, “we all get up and go to work for

the reward of a paycheck.” She says speech therapy is not just learning how to say or pronounce words, but overall improving communication skills that go a long way in helping interactions with others. Rice notes one proven best practice is that children learn best from each other, so in Showalter’s classroom, for instance, there are regular peer mentors (other children) who can model positive behavior and communication. Showalter shared an example of his students learning how to write thank you notes. For one project at school, they earned a trip to a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant offering food, games and prizes. Afterwards, in writing his thank you note, one boy wrote, “Mr. Showalter, thank you for taking us to Chuck E. Cheese, and I’m just writing the rest of this sentence to fill up the card.” Showalter adored his card, the boy’s honesty, and loves the kids. “They come out with one-liners that are to die for,” he said, adding, “They bring so much joy to our lives.” The camp at Broadway will run July 9-20 from 8:30-11:30 in the morning—most children do better in their learning and behavior in the mornings. The planners have been pleased with response from the community by receiving generous donations from organizations such as the Shenandoah Valley Autism Partnership and Broadway civic clubs including Lions, Rotary, and Ruritans. Nearby Sunset United Methodist Church organized a fundraiser and others have offered gifts of supplies and funds. The organizers hope to inspire this kind of camp for children of other schools in the Shenandoah Valley. To donate money, supplies or snacks for the camp, contact Scott Showalter at 540-810-1551 or scottshowalter@ rockingham.k12.va.us. MELODIE DAVIS, editor of Valley Living, is the mother of three adult daughters, and lives with her husband near Harrisonburg, Va. She also blogs at www.FindingHarmonyBlog.com.

Summer 2018 • living 7

PHOTO PROVIDED

Putting “neighbor” back into neighborhood by ERVIN STUTZMAN

ancy Gunden and Carina Young first met each other at the Farmer’s Market in Harrisonburg. Nancy is recently retired and lives alone, while Carina and her husband Dathan are the busy parents of three young children. Within days of their first meeting, Nancy and Carina began dreaming about a shared future. Now they plan to build new homes close to each other as neighbors in the Harrisonburg cohousing development, which is planning to construct the first neighborhood of its kind in their area. The new village will contain about 30 dwelling units, built across from the golf course along Keezletown Road, just off Country Club Road. Nancy and Carina are pleased they’ll easily be able to walk to shopping areas like the new Aldi’s grocery store being built across Route 33 from the Valley Mall. Nancy is used to seeing people’s faces wrinkle when she mentions her plans. “Cohousing, they ask, What’s that? Are you going to live together in a commune like hippies?” “No.” She shakes her head and laughs. “I like my privacy too much.” She likes to point people to the two definitions of cohousing on the planned neighborhood’s website (http:// harrisonburgcohousing.org/cohousing/). “Cohousing is a form of collaborative housing that offers residents an old-fashioned sense of neighborhood. In cohousing, residents know their neighbors well and there is a strong sense of community that is absent in contemporary cities and suburbs.”

With cohousing, the residents are involved in the development and management of the property so that the community reflects their priorities. CoHousing Solutions, a Nevada-based firm that is helping to launch the local venture, also notes, “Cohousing communities consist of private, fully-equipped dwellings and extensive common amenities including a common house and recreation areas.” There are more than 150 established cohousing neighborhoods in the U.S., with nearly as many in the formation stage. 8 living • Summer 2018

Carina Young and Nancy Gunden, left to right, are helping launch the Harrisonburg Cohousing Development where they both plan to build houses in an intergenerational neighborhood that shares some community spaces.

Carina thinks of “cohousing” as akin to joining a townhouse or condominium association but with an important difference. With cohousing, the residents are involved in the development and management of the property so that the community reflects their priorities. She’s grateful that Blue Ridge Architects, who will design the homes, really supports that concept. The people in the firm have gone out of their way to help launch the new project. Carina and Nancy are particularly eager to help design the common house, which will provide amenities the members most need, such as guest rooms for visitors. Nancy has recently taken up exercising and running for fitness, so she’s eager to help equip a room for games and exercise equipment. Other members are eager to add a space for woodworking and art projects. The new homes will be built along “pedways,” pedestrian walkways which connect the private houses to each other and the common house. Pedways provide a place for children to play without danger of traffic, since cars will be parked on the periphery. The members of the community care about sustainability for

the environment, so they hope to leave a light footprint on the earth. The neighborhood will feature sizable green spaces for vegetable and gardens. They intend to grow some of their own food and recycle goods where possible. Some plan to build solar-powered homes which generate all the electricity they need. Ever since they learned about the cohousing movement, Nancy and Carina have looked forward to enjoying its many benefits. They dream of having an impromptu cup of tea with neighbors to share about the latest news from their family. They envision stopping by the common house to mingle with neighbors over a delicious homemade meal prepared by a team of neighbors. They anticipate spending time playing with the children in the new neighborhood playground. And they picture themselves answering the door to find a neighbor dropping off a pot of soup after hearing they’re down with a cold. One can expect these kinds of things in a cohousing neighborhood. Nancy and Carina both look forward to sharing in the neighborhood’s intergenerational activities. They know both young and old can benefit from such interaction. It’s an open secret that children reared in cohousing communities often grow up to be more confident as adults than those who spend most of their time with peers. A young mother from the Shadowlake cohousing community in Blacksburg recently told Carina about the advantages of “free-range parenting,” where children can safely roam the neighborhood under the watchful eye of neighboring adults. Her neighbor, a lively eighty-yearold gentleman, boasted: “These children know 60 adults on a first-name basis.” He loves to watch them romp at the play center in easy view of his front window. Nancy has worked with seniors, so she knows how much they need and enjoy meaningful activities. She’s grateful cohousing creates an environment where adults feel supported and respected at each stage of their life’s journey. Carina and her husband look forward to sharing the challenges of parenting with caring neighbors as their family life unfolds. They know each new neighbor will bring unique experiences and skills with them, alongside special talents to enrich the community. ERVIN STUTZMAN is a well-known author who recently retired from a career in church leadership. He and his wife Bonnie recently joined the cohousing neighborhood.

There’s still room for members to join the new neighborhood. To learn more about the venture, sign up for the newsletter or register your interest by emailing harrisonburgcohousing@gmail.com. To speak to someone in person, feel free to call Nancy at (540) 435-2259. She’ll be glad to answer any questions.

Check out the new website at:

www.rockinghamcountyfair.com 4808 S. Valley Pike, Harrisonburg, VA • 540-434-0005

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Summer 2018 • living 9

fre20e17! Fall

CORP: HOUFF ily-owned

A fam standing business of time the test ah Shenando on Spotlight chon & Lauren Pi der Kendra Yo

Virginianite MennoSale: Relief

s people y fun help yliving.org il m fa f o www.valle A daye need in dir

By 2014, board and sales staff encouraged Valley Living to arrange local, seasonal photographs and articles for the cover story, to have broader local appeal. This photo of Hope Shantz (Fall 2017) enjoying pie from the annual fall Mennonite relief sale (2016) is representative of those.

The many faces of Valley Living 1991-2018

A variety of past cover treatments, logos and publication sizes— and even tweaks on the name are represented here. How many do you recall?

An early issue in 1992, the first issue where Melodie Davis wrote a local article about Mary Kay Morris, a young woman with MS from Grottoes; Eugene Souder was photographer. A rainbow logo representing the theme of hope was used for about the first ten years. The format left and below, was a tabloid-sized insert on newsprint which was distributed (quarterly) through the Daily NewsRecord for a number of years. By 2003, the name Valley Living, with the subtitle “For the Whole Family” was consistently used, but without a special logo.

10 living • Summer 2018

Donald M. Joy, a professor in human development and family studies at Asbury Theological Seminary, and a curriculum editor for Free Methodist Publishing House, was the first editor of Living working from Wilmore, Kentucky.

VALLEY

living FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY

Cele

b ra t i n g 2 0 ye

ars!

(Left to right) Alice Souder, founder Eugene Souder, and longtime editor Melodie Davis cut the cake for a 25th anniversary celebration for Valley Living held the fall of 2016.

Fall 2011

New mom: Seasons of change page 6

He didn’t sow, but he reaped page 8

A smaller 8 inch by 10 ½ inch magazine format size made a debut in 2011.

Rookie Teacher

page 22

Improving the dinner hour page 26

Stock photos purchased from photography companies were used for many years as cover photos, shown on the left side of this spread, along with the evolving cover layouts; the newest redesign of the whole magazine occurred in 2014, (many covers can be seen below). The Valley Living website was also relaunched at www.valleyliving.org. The website will continue to be online through fall 2018 and then retired.

LivingForTheWholeFamily.com living • fall 2011

Summer 2018 • living 11

Money Matters

Guidance on family finances

Money making ideas for tweens & teens by KIMBERLY BLAKER

n important aspect of helping kids develop into responsible adults is teaching them the value and rewards of hard work and earning their own money. Through this they gain self-esteem, come to understand the real value of a dollar and become more responsible in the way they spend money. Share the list below with your pre-teen or teen for an array of ways they can cash-in this summer. The grass is always greener – What better way to soak up the sun, get fit and make spare cash all at once than mowing lawns? Create some fliers and be sure to mention you live in the neighborhood. Include your fees based on yard size and try to keep the rates below the cost of professional services. Also, don’t forget to include your phone number. Then you can deliver the fliers to the homes in your neighborhood lodged between doorknobs or tucked under mats. Just don’t place anything in mailboxes because that’s illegal.

You don’t have to be raised on a farm to make a good farmhand. Young entrepreneur – Make the most of neighbors’ garage sales by setting up a refreshment stand in your own front yard. You’ll need a small table and a handmade sign: “Cookies and Lemonade - 50 cents each.” Set out a pitcher of lemonade or Kool-Aid, disposable cups and wrapped cookies. At the end of the sale, add up your profits and divide them between your partners. Too old for toys and games? – If so, clean out those you’ve outgrown and hold a sale. Make a cardboard or wooden sign to attract neighborhood kids and passersby. Then lay out blankets in your front yard and spread out your goods. Keep your prices reasonable. And don’t forget a 25-cent box filled with odds and ends. Kiddie care – Are you old enough to stay home alone? If so, you may be ready to babysit for other children. Spread the word through family, friends and neighbors. When babysitting, play games and do activities with the kids. Avoid talking on the phone or watching TV. Parents love sitters that keep their children busy. Also, don’t forget to clean up and wash dirty dishes. 12 living • Summer 2018

A little dirt never hurt – Garage cleaning is a big chore, especially for the elderly, or anyone who just doesn’t have the time. So, offer your services to relatives and neighbors. When you get a job, be thorough. Move everything into the driveway or yard before you begin. Remove cobwebs with a broom. Sweep ledges and the garage floor. Then hose the garage concrete (with permission) to loosen ground-in dirt. When it’s dry, neatly arrange everything back into the garage. Fence finishing – Wood fencing requires ongoing maintenance. Offer to assist your neighbors in sprucing up their yard by painting or staining their fences. The homeowner should supply the paint or stain and the necessary tools. Be sure to follow directions. Also, take your time and do a careful job. Window washing – Offering your services for this dreaded task is sure to be a success. If you get the job, make sure your parents know the homeowner and approve of you going inside. Clean the interior of all windows, including doors. Also, don’t forget to open the windows and clean the ledges and tracks. Offer to do exterior windows you’re tall enough to reach without a ladder. Ask permission to hose them down to remove loose dirt. Then wash and dry them by hand. Life’s a zoo –Pet owners who don’t like to kennel their pets are often in a dilemma at vacation time. Pass out fliers in your neighborhood offering to pet sit. Do the sitting in your home, garage or fenced yard, if your parents agree. Otherwise, make regular visits to the pet’s home. Be responsible, and do exactly as the pet owner instructs, for both your safety and the pet’s. Or offer a dog walking service. Weeds away – Are weeds taking over your neighbors’ flowerbeds? Then offer to get them back into shape. Before you get started, find out which are plants versus flowers that haven’t yet bloomed. Wear gloves to protect your hands. Pull weeds from rock beds, shrubbery and cement cracks. Then dispose of them properly. Errands for the elderly – Are there handicapped, disabled or elderly persons in your neighborhood? If so, they’re apt to need some help. Offer to run errands within walking or biking distance. Attach a basket to your bike, or carry a backpack for easy transporting. News courier – Hop on your bike or blades, and spread the

news—that is, deliver the news. Apply for a route with your local newspaper or add your name to the waiting list. Place newspapers either in a newspaper box or on the front porch to make sure they’ll remain dry. It may even increase your tips. Old McDonald had a farm … You don’t have to be raised on a farm to make a good farmhand. Although it’s certainly a bonus. Visit area farms and offer your help. Work may include laboring in fields to feeding and caring for livestock or mucking out horse stalls. At your service – Offer home cleaning services to your neighbors. You may be asked to do the following tasks: dust furniture and window ledges; vacuum carpet and stairs; sweep and mop tile, linoleum and wooden floors; scour sinks, bathtubs and toilets; shake out rugs; vacuum upholstered furniture; and make beds. Ask if straightening up is expected. Also, find out which cleaning products (supplied by the homeowner) to use on fixtures, appliances and furniture to prevent damage. Pool patrol – If water is your thing, find out the age and certification requirements for lifeguard duty. Then apply at your community pool, YMCA or nearby beach. Keep your skin safe by using a good sunscreen and wearing a hat or cover up. Daycare duty – Do you love little kids? Contact daycare centers and home daycare providers and find out if they need a young assistant. Look up daycare centers in the yellow pages. You can find home daycare providers in classifieds, on bulletin boards, online and through a state-licensing agency. Tasks may include assisting with crafts and activities, reading stories, helping with lunch and snacks and cleaning up. Nurturer of nature – If you’re a nature lover, don’t forget about your local parks. Possible positions may include assisting with planned activities and events, maintaining park grounds and tending ticket booths. Call area parks to find out what jobs they offer and how to apply. Tips for business success Follow these tips to keep the loot rolling in and to play it safe. • Get your parents’ permission before accepting a job, and

©ADOBE STOCK

An old fashioned paper route may be just the money earning scheme your adolescent or teen would enjoy this summer.

make sure they know where you’ll be. • Dress for the type of job and wear old clothes if they could be ruined. • Discuss payment in advance to avoid disputes or hard feelings. • Do your best. Not only will you earn respect and feel good about yourself, it will likely affect whether you are hired again and can use that person as a reference. If you make a mistake, don’t ignore it or try to cover it up. Inform your employer, offer your apologies and ask what can be done. • Be on time. Call right away, if you’ll be late or can’t make it.

KIMBERLY BLAKER is a freelance writer from Michigan. Her articles have appeared in more than 250 newspapers, parenting and women’s magazines, and other publications..

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Summer 2018 • living 13

Even mothers get lonely by NANCY HOAG

©ADOBE STOCK

Maybe their parents – especially widowed parents – need n one way, the texts contained no surprise: A widowed more than to be called upon. friend living in another state was lonely, and found My friend, for example: Another time, one of her daughters far too much time on her hands in spite of her church was going with girlfriends on a short cruise and needed puppy involvements. Plus, she was feeling overwhelmed – now she care. My friend likes had to manage house dogs, so that wasn’t repairs, lawn care, a problem – but she gardening, shopping, said, “I wouldn’t have decision making, all minded getting out of on her own. And she here mid-winter, too.” had no one to help Weeks later, another her figure out what of her children called her car mechanic was to ask not if she’d ride recommending. along on a visit to a But I was also grandchild at college, surprised: She has but if she could water four grown children, her houseplants. And, all living within three on the same day, still miles of her home, I another asked her to thought, and nearly look after her cats a dozen nearby while she traveled grandchildren! into the city for a Why did she have show and dinner with to face all of these friends. challenges by herself? At the same time, Were her children Children’s assumptions their parents “have everything under control” must change in later no one nearby thought too busy to help her? life. As Nancy Hoag writes, maybe parents “need more than to be called upon.” to call and ask if Did they not realize she would like to do on some days, even something special. I thought about her children. “minor” decisions can seem like too much to face alone? “It never enters their heads that mothers might feel overwhelmed or lonely,” I said to my husband. Couldn’t they just call and ask her over Couldn’t they just call and ask her over for supper, or even out for a workday lunch break? Even my husband and for supper, or even out for a workday I sometimes wish we had someone else with whom to share lunch break? a dinner – and we already have each other for spontaneous getaways, morning walks and working through decisions. I was pondering this situation when we visited my friend in Recently, my husband and I concluded children often grow her home not long ago. I remember her phone ringing. up believing their parents have everything under control: My friend hadn’t yet dressed or done her hair and makeup Moms are fixers, don’t mind helping out, and do great without for the day, but the call did visible wonders: It was her son, help from their kids. That might be okay for children to asking, “How about coffee?” believe when they are children, but as grown-ups with aging “Coffee!” my friend nearly sang. Within minutes, she was parents, children need to rethink their assumptions. out the door, delighted and happily laughing! We also were happy for her and said a quick farewell. LaDawn Knicely, MA, M.Div. It was the start of a new idea for her son that they could try REALTOR®, Broker/Owner to meet every week. Maybe he had finally realized that even (540) 421-6941 | HometownRealtyGroup.com mothers—at whatever age—sometimes get lonely. LaDawn.Knicely@HometownRealtyGroup.com

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Let all that you do be done in LOVE. 1 Cor. 16:14

14 living • Summer 2018

NANCY HOAG is the author of numerous book and has been a frequent freelancer for Valley Living.

Cooking Corner

Recipes and tips for cooking at home

Curried Chicken Salad With the coming of summer, enjoy this low-sodium recipe for a healthy chicken salad for lunch, picnic or to pack for work. A great short cut is to use leftover rotisserie chicken or other from a grocery store, for the chopped chicken pieces for the salad. Serves four. From Food Network. Sodium content 322 mg/serving.

Ingredients:

Directions:

1. Bring the broth and water to a boil in a medium saucepan. Add chicken to broth and simmer, covered, for 8 minutes. Turn the heat off and let chicken stand in the cooking liquid, covered, until cooked through, about 20 minutes. Remove the chicken from the broth and cool completely in the refrigerator.

©TAKETHEMAMEAL.COM

1 cup low-sodium chicken broth 1 cup water 1 1/4 pounds boneless skinless chicken breast halves, no more than 3/4-inch thick 1/4 cup sliced almonds 1/2 cup nonfat plain yogurt 2 tablespoons mayonnaise 1 teaspoon curry powder 1 cup halved red grapes 1/4 cup chopped cilantro leaves Freshly ground black pepper 5 ounces mixed greens (about 5 cups lightly packed) 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil 1 teaspoon lemon juice

2. Cut into 1/4-inch pieces. Toast the almonds in a small dry skillet over medium-high heat until fragrant and beginning to turn golden, 2 to 3 minutes. 3. In a large bowl, stir together the yogurt, mayonnaise, and curry powder. Fold in the chicken, grapes and cilantro and season, to taste, with pepper. 4. In a large bowl, toss the greens with the oil, lemon juice and salt and pepper, to taste. Arrange the greens on 4 individual plates, top with a scoop of the chicken salad and sprinkle with the almonds.

Maureen Witmer is the Director of Outreach and Engagement, as well as the Recipe Specialist for TakeThemAMeal.com. Her recipes and photographs can be found on the recipe section of TakeThemAMeal.com. She and her husband Andrew, a professor of History at James Madison University, live in Harrisonburg, Va. Maureen works from home where she cares for their young children.

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dansbodyservice.com Summer 2018 • living 15

Eat out for less by KIMBERLY BLAKER

he average American household spends $3,008 annually on eating out, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, “Consumer Expenditure Survey, 2015.” Considering the average markup on prepared food is 300 percent that means families lose $2,000 a year in food costs. That’s a hefty chunk of change most families could use for The average markup other things or even just bank. on prepared food is So how can families significantly reduce their 300 percent, a “hefty eating out expense without giving up the ease and chunk of change most families could convenience of it? You might be surprised to discover ©ADOBE STOCK use for other things.” it’s not an impossible feat. Eliminate the beverages. Beverages add up to restaurants in your area that offer this deal. Be sure to find out between 10 and 30 percent of the cost of dining out. whether there are specific days and times or any particular So, order tap water to drink instead. Not only will you save requirements. money, but it’s also healthier for your family, especially Go to happy hour. Many bar and grills offer appetizer considering the average person doesn’t drink nearly enough specials during happy hour. Depending on the appetizers, they water. can often suffice as a meal. Use coupons. Watch for restaurant coupons in your mailbox or newspaper. Also, visit restaurant.com where you can buy For eating on the road, keep a supply restaurant certificates at the cost of 50 to 80 percent below of soda or bottled water in a cooler in their face value. Groupon is another option with similar your vehicle so you can avoid ordering restaurant deals. You might also want to order your city’s entertainment book at entertainment.com. This thick book is beverages when you’re on the go. filled with restaurant coupons among coupons for many other forms of family entertainment. Order carryout. By doing so, rather than dining in, your Look for big servings. By eating at restaurants that heap on family can have their selection of beverages from home. the servings, your family can order fewer plates and share with You’ll also save on tipping, which usually tacks another 15 to each other. Another option is for everyone to order their own 20 percent onto your bill. For eating on the road, keep a supply dinner, but plan to take half of your meals home, so you get of soda or bottled water in a cooler in your vehicle so you can two for the price of one. avoid ordering beverages when you’re on the go. Cut back on how often. Finally, to really cut back and save Eat an early dinner. Look for restaurants that offer special in this area, refrain from eating out—one week or weekend a lunch hour pricing that extends late into the afternoon. Then month. That can make a nice budget difference! take advantage of it by going out for an early dinner shortly before the lunch pricing ends for the day. Kids eat free. Some restaurants offer ‘kids eat free’ when dining with adults. Look online or call around to find

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16 living • Summer 2018

KIMBERLY BLAKER writes frequently for many community oriented family papers.

Memorial Day 2018 In memory of our fallen soldiers Jacob C. Saylor

Family Forum

Strengthening family relationships

Breaking bread together by HARVEY YODER

©ADOBE STOCK

n our busyness, preparing and sharing family meals can world right now, where would you go? become just another task on our pressing to-do lists. We Family meals can also help increase our appreciation for the simply want to make the process as efficient as possible. gift of food itself, and for the many everyday laborers around But family dinner can be far more than just a time to the world who have made it possible. We take time to not only satisfy our physical thank God for our daily hunger. Mealtimes can bread, but to be mindful be primary ways of of where all of the food fostering good eating on our table has come habits and significantly from, and how many adding to our social and hands have had a part in emotional wellbeing. harvesting, packaging According to parenting and delivering it. educator Michael Grose We might also reflect the most important factor on the fact that all of in preventing anxiety and the meat, vegetables depression in children and fruit of the earth is being part of a family provided for our tables that has at least five to has literally given up six stress-free meals its life to make our together a week, with existence possible, television and other thus making our meals Changing up locations for family meals may mean extra work, but also extra smiles, communication devices a kind of eucharistic stories, fun, and memories. Everyone should pitch in with toting out supplies and turned off. (communion) experience. food. But how do we get In other words, we can everyone involved in think of God being some good table conversations? present in the gifts of life-giving bread and drink. If all else fails, the iMom website is one of many that offers Finally, as we partake of our fair share of the world’s “daily some good conversation starters, such as the following: bread,” we want to be aware we never partake of the earth’s provisions alone, but at one big table with all of humanity, receiving God’s everyday manna together, an amazing grace Family meals can also help increase our indeed. appreciation for the gift of food itself, So with this article, after nearly 26 years, I sign off with a sense of regret that this is the last issue of Valley Living. My and for the many everyday laborers sincere thanks to founder Eugene Souder, Melodie Davis the around the world who have made it editor for many years, the Board, and all who have helped make this magazine such a blessing to our community! possible. 1. Tell us about something nice you did for someone today. 2. If you had three wishes, what would they be? (You can’t wish for money!) 3. Would you rather be able to fly, read minds or live to 100? 4. Can you name the favorite color, author and food of everyone at the table? 5. If you could snap your fingers and be anywhere in the

HARVEY YODER is a family counselor and teaches parenting and marriage classes at the Family Life Resource Center. Questions relating to family concerns can be addressed to FLRC, 273 Newman Ave., Harrisonburg, VA 22801 or to Harvey@flrc.org. His blog can be followed at harvyoder.blogspot.com. Summer 2018 • living 17

Ways dads can be dads by MATT GAUDREAU

ost fathers today are headed in a helpful direction of full parental involvement, and here are some great ways dads can be the dads they want to be. Society is changing for the better and it is becoming more acceptable for fathers to be the parent that stays home with the kids. They are being offered parental leave from work; take the kids all around town; and praise, discipline and commiserate with their children. Mothers are a vital and important part of the family, but dads are proving that even without constant guidance from Mom they can handle the same tasks and responsibilities when it comes to their kids. 1. Many fathers love spending a lot of time with their kids. Sure, parents (both fathers and mothers) need breaks, but overall family time comes first in many father’s lives. Being there for your kids from a young age instills in them a sense of confidence and love for you. When they get older, planning activities not only with the whole family but also just dad and kids is an excellent way to bond. Nothing is better after a long day of work or spending the day taking care of the house than seeing your excited children run up to greet you with a smile and an “I love you Daddy.”

A good dad is in tune with his feelings and comfortable with himself and trying on different roles.

Pop quiz: Is the dad in this photo “babysitting” – or just acting on his own nurturing instincts?

18 living • Summer 2018

MATT GAUDREAU enjoys being a father and writing about it from Denver, Colorado.

©ADOBE STOCK

2. If you have a daughter, they may ask you to play dolls, have tea parties, dress-up and paint their nails. For fathers, this can be a lot to take in at first, but you know what, it can actually be a really fun experience. A good dad is in tune with his feelings and comfortable with himself and trying on different roles. My daughter takes ballet classes and the first session involved parent participation. Not only did I attend all of the classes and dance around with my daughter, but there were many other fathers there doing the same thing. Boys and girls can also take part in the same activities (there is a boy in my daughter’s ballet class) and fathers need to embrace whatever it is their children like to do. 3. Fathers do a lot of chauffeuring kids around these days too, not just “soccer moms.” I have received odd looks and double-takes when I bring my daughter to school activities or ballet (and even weirder looks when I bring my infant son somewhere alone), but it is getting better and I see a lot of other fathers doing the same. An involved father is a strong, caring father and

should be looked upon as such. When a dad brings his child to an activity, it should signal a healthy family life. No longer are fathers always the ones missing the recital or graduation ceremony because they had to work late (thanks, Hollywood). They are the ones who are bringing the kids there. This should be fostered, not looked at as odd. 4. Fathers are becoming better cooks, honing their cleaning skills and mastering routine as never before! Helping maintain an efficient family and home life has become an important part of a father’s life. No longer are fathers just doing the yard work or building things; they are dusting their kids’ rooms, scrubbing down the kitchen, doing laundry and cooking up spaghetti bolognese for the entire family. (My 3 year old randomly blurted out ‘spaghetti bolognese’ the other night, so I figured I would give her a shout-out here). If I am describing you, congratulations, you are part of the stereotypebusting machine! If I am describing your husband, well, congratulations, you have a good one! 5. Men and fathers benefit from being more in tune with their emotions. Society loves when you show love outwardly to your children as a father. Even shedding a tear or two is looked at as positive, not a sign of weakness. As a father, being able to show emotion will help you be more in tune with your kids (as kids are highly emotional) and connect with them on a completely different level. Highly involved fathers are the wave of the present and the future. As more and more fathers learn these ways, the more we will see old stereotypes diminish. I believe fathers have an innate ability to be able to understand what it means to be a parent and how to be a good one.

PHOTO BY ANDREW STRACK/EMU

Shenandoah Spotlight Young adults to watch

Keyri Lopez-Godoy by CHRISTOPHER CLYMER KURTZ

ot until coming to the United States did Keyri LopezGodoy begin to enjoy school. In El Salvador it had been just something she had to do. But after her parents brought her to the U.S. at the age of eight, it was a requirement she came to love, thanks to a litany of encouraging teachers and a lot of hard work. Now, so many years later, Keyri (pronounced “Katie”) has done something she once pursued against many odds: She has graduated from college – Eastern Mennonite University in Harrisonburg – with a degree in elementary education. It’s a huge mile marker, one she says is possible only because of “the people who have made an impact and who have changed my perspective and the way that I carry myself. It has been because of those relationships that I have gotten this far.”

A journey of hard work When she was in seventh grade in Charlottesville, Keyri learned two things: what college meant, and her immigration status. Becoming a first-generation college student is its own overwhelming goal. Add to that the uncertainty and obstacles due to being undocumented, and many people might give up the dream. Not Keyri, though. “This is a label,” she remembers telling herself. “This is not going to prevent me from working really hard and going to college.” She had already been encouraged by affirming teachers. One who “literally took me by the hand and said ‘Keyri, you are going to learn to read and write, and we’re going to do this together’” would later, at an end-of-year celebration, tell her something else she still remembers vividly. The teacher “knelt

down – she was a tall lady – and looked straight in my eyes, and she said, ‘Keyri, I am so proud of you. You are my bright star. I’m really excited for what you will do in the future.’ ” With the ongoing help of tutoring and supportive teachers and school staff, Keyri took more and more challenging classes. But as her high school workload grew and became increasingly difficult, she realized her classmates had something she felt she didn’t: academic savvy. “A lot of the kids had parents who had gone to college, who had very advanced conversations at home. In my household, we had conversations when we were able to, but my parents worked day and night to provide for us, so it was tough.” Ultimately, though, she earned enough college credits through high school Advanced Placement courses that she finished her bachelor’s degree at EMU in three years, not the typical four. In high school, two things happened that would make going to college a possibility: the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) program, which protected people brought to the U.S. as children from deportation, and winning a local scholarship. With the future of DACA in question, Keyri – who has plans to teach in a local school system – is certain of one thing: “In whatever it is that I end up doing,” she said, “it will be in service, giving back to people, educating, doing advocacy, and standing up and using my voice for the things I believe in.” CHRISTOPHER CLYMER KURTZ is a staff writer for Eastern Mennonite University. A longer version of this article was published by EMU in early May.

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Summer 2018 • living 19

Accepting my mother’s alcoholism by KELLI JETTE

ven at a young age, my mother’s alcoholism was searing itself on my brain. I feel the heartbreak in my diary entries, heavy sentences like “I hate when Mom acts funny.” I am almost 30 years old now, and am still learning to cope with my mother’s addiction. I’m coming to understand that having any type of relationship with her will never be simple, and I’ve realized some things from years of struggling.

I will forever be affected

My mother put me through hell: She forced me to watch gruesome TV programs so I would “get over my fears.” She stole money from me to pay for alcohol and cigarettes. She called the cops on me for no reason. She had a revolving door of boyfriends who weren’t exactly stand-up guys. She made me lie to social services multiple times when she was reported for being drunk and neglectful.

She has almost died on a few occasions because of her drinking, but still claims she doesn’t have a problem.

PHOTO PROVIDED

All of this continues to haunt me, and will always influence how I live my life and the way I react to things. If my husband has a little wine, it makes me fearful he will turn into an alcoholic. This gives me constant anxiety. I’m also afraid of

doing anything with my kids that will hurt them the way my mother hurt me, so I constantly fear I’m not being a good enough mother.

I will never have the relationship I want to have with her

I will always wish my mother and I could have a close, normal relationship like everyone else seems to have, but we don’t. She was absent when I picked out my wedding dress. We don’t go out to lunch. The first question she asked after my daughters were born was not to inquire how the babies were doing, but to demand to know if we called her or my mother-in-law first. Maybe she feels threatened by the other parent figures in my life because she feels guilty for not being a good parent. I’ve tried many times to build our relationship, but each time lasts a few short months at the most, and my attempts end with a fight.

She is probably never going to change

I’ve had countless conversations with my mother about our relationship, but she won’t ever stop being an alcoholic unless she truly wants to. She has almost died on a few occasions because of her drinking, but still claims she doesn’t have a problem. She’s been hospitalized for chronic pancreatitis, a disease brought on by alcoholism, but she’s drinking again. When I had my kids, she claimed she would do better to set a good example for them, but after a little while she went downhill again. I have accepted there’s not much I can do about it. All I can do is attempt to set boundaries with her and limit our interactions as much as I can to protect myself from her blame, from her manipulative claims I’m not there for her. It’s a constant up and down, and she always goes down eventually.

After her childhood of heartbreak due to her mother’s alcoholism Kelli Jette writes , “it’s my mission to ensure that my kids [pictured here] have it better than I did.”

20 living • Summer 2018

I wouldn’t be the same person if things were different

My mother’s negative influence in my life has also had positive effects. From a young age, I basically took care of myself because I couldn’t count on my mother to do anything for me. As soon as I was old enough, I made my own food, did my laundry, and got rides from my friend’s moms or walked to places I needed to go. I had to figure it out on my own. I’ve also had a job since I was 14. I am a perfectionist, and I want to excel in everything I do. I’ve learned to be an extremely independent and hard working person. These qualities have given me a pretty great life so far. I have a career I love, and the best husband and children I could have asked for. Because my mother wasn’t there for me, I was also extremely close with my grandmother, who recently passed away. She taught me to be a positive, caring person and I don’t know where I’d have ended up without her. I am so fortunate

Family Life Resource Center

to have known this incredible woman, and maybe I wouldn’t have been as close to her if things were different.

I’m determined not to end up like my mother

I want to be the best example for my girls to look up to. I want to give them the kind of relationship I have never been able to have with my own mother. I will give them the unconditional love and support they deserve, without any drama attached. I’m going to be a positive influence in their lives and someone they can always count on. It’s my mission to ensure my kids have it better than I did. More challenges with my mother are to come, I’m sure. I’ve learned a lot over the years, though, and I’ve finally made peace with the fact she’ll never change. I’m determined to focus on the positive things I’ve gained from my experiences, and to fully enjoy the happy things in my life. I’m extremely thankful to be where I am today. KELLI JETTE writes from Dracut, Massachusetts. Specialists in Automotive Paint & Reconditioning Supplies

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Summer 2018 • living 21

Grief tiptoeing through our hearts by RUTH HOCHSTETLER

“T

Life may continue its normal rhythms even after profound loss, but the “messiness of grief” will linger.

22 living • Summer 2018

before we can arrive to support my daughter and her family. In the meantime, their church group and in-laws are staying with the three brothers, dropping off food and scheduling meals, hugging and holding hands. More and more flowers arrive at the front door. When my husband and I finally arrive, words are inadequate. We say little, but feel strength in being together. I keep busy the first week there keeping the kitchen counter by the sink uncluttered, dressing and diapering the two year old, folding laundry. The work is constant.

Words are inadequate. We say little, but feel strength in being together. Just like any postpartum mother, my daughter needs to rest and lay low, but she is pensive and restless. Her arms hold no nursing baby, and there are no newborn snuggles, smells and sounds. On the night of Paisley’s memorial service, family and close friends arrive with food and settle into the living room. The friendly banter subsides when the grieving parents stand up, and my son-in-law reads their reflections while all watch through teary eyes, the sadness of the tender words in our bellies. Would Paisley have been a Daddy’s girl, and would her ©ADOBE STOCK

hey can’t find the baby’s heartbeat.” These six words pummel my brain, my gut, like rapidly fired bullets. My knees weaken and my daughter’s distress spreads from the cell phone at my ear and through my chest like flames of fire. What?! It can’t be! My daughter is only 11 days away from her due date and has been nothing but a picture of health. For 37 weeks she has been longing to see and hold the delight of baby number four. No, God! My daughter’s voice is tearful, but resolute. “I will be induced and deliver the baby this afternoon.” I long to go to her, to be another face and hand of support, but she is in Florida and I am in Indiana. I call family and friends, repeating the stinging words, asking for prayer. A friend comes to visit and sit with me. At bedtime I text for an update: Labor at six centimeters. I pray again for a miracle, that somehow the doctors are all wrong and the baby will be healthy, living. The next call comes at 12:30 a.m. My daughter is holding the baby. A girl! There are three brothers in the family, and we so wanted this one to be a girl. My daughter tells me what the newborn looks like, somehow pride of what she has created mixed in with the grief. There is relief in her voice, too, to now know what happened – a tight knot in the umbilical cord, close to the placenta. There was nothing she did to cause – or could have done to prevent – this tragedy. They text a picture, of their beautiful baby. Paisley Noelle. The sorrow is too intense. My daughter is holding our granddaughter who will never take a breath of this earth’s air. My heart breaks for her, for us; I cry. It’s almost impossible to finish the night in bed. Morning comes. I move in a fog of grief and shock. In phone calls recounting the loss, I withstand repeated shock and sympathy. Flight plans. I am drained, exhausted, but it will be two days

brothers have spoiled her? He expresses trust in God’s sovereignty, and we carry Chinese lanterns to the backyard and watch them float away. During the rest of our visit we go to the beach where my Midwest spirit soaks in the wonder of sun, surf and sand, a great balm to my grief. But in a thrift store a baby cries and we wonder how our schedule would be different if Paisley was with us. And at the restaurant there are infant twins in the booth beside us. Our eyes turn away; we can’t watch them today. As time passes, the messiness of grief still lingers even though life continues its normal rhythms. Forever a silent member of our family will tiptoe through our hearts. We will never hear her voice or feel her hugs. We’ll

celebrate her birthdays, wonder what would have been her favorite things, and imagine the color of her eyes. We’ll think about her when the class of 2034 graduates, and when we go to the weddings of others. Our hearts will flutter when sorrow whispers her memory: Paisley Noelle! How much we need God’s grace and strength for this journey. It’s been eight months at this writing and though the grief isn’t as sharp, our hearts hold a little girl forever, even if our arms can’t hug her now. RUTH HOCHSTETLER and her family live in Goshen, Indiana. Her father lives at Virginia Mennonite Retirement Community in Harrisonburg and he encouraged Ruth to submit this story to Valley Living.

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Self-care for your back by ASHLEY TALMADGE ou’re the backbone of your family – skilled at countless trades, and a tireless supporter through thick and thin. But don’t forget to give your own back some tender loving care. In a recent survey by the Centers for Disease Control, almost a third of women said they’d experienced back pain within the last three months. When your back is not happy, it impacts your ability to work, play and even sleep. Support your spine with this advice from the experts.

Nurture bones with good nutrition.

©ADOBE STOCK

Though we may think of back pain and osteoporosis as maladies of middle age, the foundation for a healthy spine is erected much earlier in life. Doctor of Osteopathy (DO) Alan Cohn says, “For women, peak bone mass is reached by age 30. After that there’s a decline, with a decidedly steeper curve of bone loss occurring after menopause.” Therefore, it’s important to boost the “bone bank” well before 30 with a diet rich in calcium, including foods such as dairy, almonds and leafy greens like kale. Vitamin D also contributes to strong bones. However, Cohn notes it’s difficult to get enough Vitamin D through diet alone. In addition, as we age we’re less efficient at converting Vitamin D into its active form via exposure to sunlight. “Most people require supplements or fortified foods to meet the recommended daily allowance,” says Cohn. Disorders that prevent absorption of nutrients, such as celiac and Crohn’s disease, may have a negative impact on bone density when the condition goes untreated. It should also be noted eating disorders and repeated dieting, especially in adolescence, can prevent accrual of healthy bone mass. Being underweight is a risk factor for osteoporosis. Cohn suggests, “ Pay attention to your family history along with your personal

How’s your back? Exercises that promote a healthy range of motion are key to preventing back trouble.

24 living • Summer 2018

risk factors and take action now. What’s good for your general health is good for your bones: eat well, exercise and maintain a normal weight.”

Pay attention to position.

Dale Mendenhall is a physical therapist specializing in orthopedic musculoskeletal conditions. He says back pain and injury often result from remaining in one position for too long. “Any postural position that becomes habitual can be problematic,” he says. “People understand that sitting at a desk for hours isn’t good, but standing for too long can be detrimental as well.”

Be sure to get out of your seat for a couple minutes every half hour. Do some stretches or walk to the water fountain. The answer? Change positions frequently. For sedentary work, best practice is to follow the “20-8-2 rule.” That is, every 30-minute period should include 20 minutes seated, 8 minutes standing (easier if a standing desk is available) and 2 minutes walking. If this is impossible, be sure to get out of your seat for a couple minutes every half hour. Do some stretches or walk to the water fountain. Ergonomics at your desk are also important. While seated, there should be a 90 degree angle at your elbows, hips and knees. Your monitor should be positioned directly in front of you, and your line of sight maintained without tilting your chin up or down. Keep your feet flat on the floor and your wrists neutral.

Exercise is important for every body.

Personal trainer Joel Singer helps clients of all ages meet their fitness goals. He says people with sedentary jobs tend to suffer back trouble due to the weakening of spine-supporting musculature. “The key to a healthy back and excellent posture is including exercises that focus on maintaining a healthy range of motion and support the strengthening of key postural muscles,” says Singer. Weight bearing activities such as walking, running and yoga are essential for maintaining bone density. In addition, exercises such as planking, squatting and rowing can be beneficial. These target the glutes, transverse abdominals and muscles surrounding the thoracic spine. Mendenhall adds it’s important to make an active lifestyle normative from childhood on. “Kids and adolescents should be encouraged to play hard, run and jump,” he says. “Into adulthood, high intensity exercise has been shown to be the most beneficial, unless a person has already been diagnosed with low bone density.” After an injury or post-diagnosis of a condition such as osteoporosis, some people may be fearful of exercise. And yet, research shows inactivity actually increases recuperation

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Summer 2018 • living 25

Alone time? What’s that? by JILLIAN PESCE

26 living • Summer 2018

©ADOBE STOCK

oes alone time exist for a full time working mother with two little boys age 2 and 4? I’ve been trying to grab bits and pieces of alone time throughout a given day or night and let me tell you…it’s hard, a rarity. Alone time to me has two aspects. The first type of course is time all by myself. Then there’s alone time with your spouse. Both can be a struggle. Here’s a sneak peek into the world of my husband and I; we’ve been married seven years. I’m a full time sales professional. I sell payroll, human resources and time and attendance record keeping solutions to businesses. I happen to enjoy it very much although being in a sales position can be extremely stressful. There are great ups and downs in sales. You’re only as good as your last sale even though you work diligently. As sales people, we live and die by our numbers. However, being in Balancing the demands of parenting, work and marriage can leave Jillian Pesce this position, I have a lot of flexibility to get my exhausted. But, she writes, “I guess alone time can wait.” work done and I can make my own schedule. This comes in handy as a mom of two little boys. to make sure they feel loved and safe. They both have I’ve been working from home for about 12 years so I’m speech delays and motor planning delays. We count our extremely disciplined to get my work done. Some days blessings because they are healthy and happy little boys. that means hitting the computer late night or super early But speech and language delays coupled with motor in the morning. delays means they need services provided to them by the county and district to help them progress. Our 4-year-old has been getting services for two years and the progress We didn’t become parents to let them has been tremendous. He’s still not caught up to the kids raise themselves. We are very present in his class but he’s getting there with the help of four with them. specialty therapists. Our 2-year-old just started services. He’s still little but we are hopeful he will quickly catch My husband has been in construction for almost 18 up. years. He is very good at his job but it is back breaking Between the two of them, they receive sixteen hard labor and is non-stop all day. When he gets home different sessions a week whether it’s speech therapy, he is exhausted especially since he gets up between 4 to occupational or physical therapy, or special instruction 5 a.m. Sometimes he gets home to late to even see the every week. Trying to manage all of those sessions kids. His days are very long so most nights he’s ready throughout the week can be very challenging. We do it for bed around 8:30 p.m., and I can’t blame him. because their well-being is our first priority. Our two little boys are the joy of our life. After a hard I feel like our days are jammed packed. During the day they can give you a hug or a smile that can make week it almost feels like we are robots. Get up and do all the bad feelings go away. But they need us. And we the morning routine. Get ready for work and get the boys didn’t become parents to let them raise themselves. We to school and the babysitter. After work, bring them to are very present with them. We do everything we can

their sessions. Run errands and then come home and make dinner. Play time with the boys, then bath time and bed. So sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel after a long day becomes extremely dim if getting the kids to bed is a struggle. There are nights I spend forty-five minutes trying to get them to sleep. Then I find my husband is going into bed himself. That window of time to watch an episode of one of our shows is missed. I get aggravated because I so desperately long for time just with him. We need time together and when we don’t get it, it can be a strain. Then there’s personal time. I sometimes force myself to stay awake to check social media or watch something on HGTV just to feel like I had time for myself. But truth be told, I’m exhausted and most of the time only make it for thirty minutes tops! I try to exercise in the morning but if they get up early, they watch me and we

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sing, and they perhaps ask me for drinks or snacks. But I feel like at least I’m getting a work-out in. My life isn’t unlike any mom of two. We all are struggling to find balance. We all long for alone time. But on the weekends, we are a wolf pack of four and spend as much of our time together as a family as we can. Since I need my job, we value our weekend family time more than anything. So, sometimes alone time has to wait. They are only this little for so long. JILL PESCE is a sales professional; she also enjoys her family and writing about their life.

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Summer 2018 • living 27

I wet the bed again

know changing wet sheets and pajamas in the middle of the night is no fun for our kids or parents, especially when traveling and staying with friends or family. So when my sister shared her concerns about her family’s upcoming visit – that her kids might ruin a mattress or a sofa cushion – I did what I could to ease her anxiety. I simply put down some waterproof padding and provided some extra sheets for middle-of-the-night changes – and didn’t make any special mention of my preparations to the children. Happily, my nieces and nephew have outgrown their bedwetting and now enjoy full nights of uninterrupted sleep. But for the years it continued, it was a source of embarrassment, for them and their parents. Bedwetting of course is a common problem. “Fifteen percent of all children wet the bed regularly at age 5,” says Sean Corbett M.D., a pediatric urologist at the University of Virginia Health System in Charlottesville. “This amount decreases by about 15 percent each year as children get older.” It’s twice as common in boys than girls, and if at least one of his or her parents did so as a child, a child has a 25 percent chance of bedwetting. If both parents were bedwetters, the percentage goes way up – to 65 percent.

by LISA MARIE CONKLIN

Managing Bed Wetting Good daytime toileting habits can sometimes help reduce bedwetting. Make sure your child doesn’t “hold it in,” and urinates on a regular basis throughout the day, including right before bedtime. Corbett also recommends limiting fluid intake for several hours before bedtime. Avoid bladder irritants such as citrus and caffeine, too, especially later in the day. You’ll also want to be aware of bowel movements, as constipation is a significant factor for about one-third of children who wet the bed. Younger children may not even realize they are constipated, so it will require some due diligence on your part. “It is important to note even children who defecate regularly can still be constipated, particularly if stools are difficult to push out, cause pain, or are very large in size,” notes Corbett. Medications Can Help Although children outgrow bedwetting, some families may choose to use medications to reduce the accidents. Desmopressin is a medication commonly used to decrease urine production at night. Sometimes, Ditropan is given to increase bladder capacity, if Desmopressin alone doesn’t work. ©ADOBE STOCK

Two Kinds of Bedwetters “Primary nocturnal enuresis” is a fancy name for consistent nighttime bedwetting after toilet training. “Secondary nocturnal enuresis” begins six months or more after toilet training, maybe after a stressful event or illness, says Corbett.

Allowing children who are old enough to help clean up after they have an accident also can reduce shame and embarrassment. Shame-Free Explanation If a child feels embarrassed when they’ve wet the bed, “stay calm and reassure children that wetting the bed is a normal part of growing up,” says Laura Shaffer, chief psychologist also at the University of Virginia Health System. “You might also share with them stories of other family members who wet the bed when they were younger to help normalize it.” Let Kids Be Part of the Solution Allowing children who are old enough to help clean up after they have an accident also can reduce shame and embarrassment. “Having children help with solutions like changing the sheets, wiping themselves off, putting on clean PJs, and putting sheets and PJs in the laundry can help them feel better by having a hand in taking care of the situation,” says Shaffer. Just be sure to let your child know these tasks are just part of the process and not a form of punishment. 28 living • Summer 2018

Allowing children who are old enough to help clean up after they wet the bed can reduce shame and embarrassment.

“It’s important to note that medications typically just ‘cover up’ the problem but can be very useful when children and families are very bothered by bedwetting,” says Corbett. Alarming Options An enuresis alarm can be quite effective. It clips in the underwear and sounds when the child is wet. That may not wake the child, but each time the alarm goes off and a parent takes the child to the bathroom, it helps by setting a pattern. “Over time, this retrains the brain that it should wake up in the night prior to peeing,” says Corbett. “The alarm typically works the best when the child is very motivated for the bedwetting to resolve.” A Travel Tip And finally, when traveling, keep extra wipes, PJs, and

sheets in a plastic container near the bed for easy nighttime access. LISA CONKLIN writes frequently for Valley Living from Catonsville, Maryland. www.GrandmasPantryVa.com

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Summer 2018 • living 29

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to those who successfully completed the word search from the spring issue of Living. Bergton Woody Brown Dorothy Fitzwater Dana Hartman Johnny Hottinger Judy Hottinger Colin Whetzel Holly Whetzel Emma Wittig Bridgewater Hensel Armentrout Sandy Armstrong Lois Auville Nancy Dagen Sam Dagen Charlotte Fifer Jerry Painter Clifford Rohrer Glen Thomas June White Clark Wisman Broadway Martha Brady Helen Brunk Sharon Caplinger Debbe Coffman Carolyn Cubbage Robert & Nancy Hinkle Juanita Lantz Eldon & Bettie Layman Dottie Miller Amy Ours Breanna Ours Aileen Pettit Darlene Runion Sammy Runion Mary Shipe Savilla Shipe Mark Showalter Kim, Paisley, Rilee & Sierra Showman Evelyn Shultz Sherwin Tusing Churchville Ethel Ernst Criders Carroll Coffman Bernice Keplinger

Doug Propst Harold Doc Ritchie

Dayton Debbie Billhimer- Mutherspaw Norman & Janelle Burkholder Preston Burkholder Christine Hill Donna Hoover Harriet Kemp Judith Kile Brenda Miller Sue Ringgold Natalia Showalter Trevor Wenger Edinburg Shelby Hollar Brenda Kline Donna Shafer Maddie Shafer Elkton Elizabeth Bailey Leon Bailey Chic Comer Linda Cooper Brenda Dean Wayne Dean Julie Dearing Alison Galvanek Norawood Good Linda Gooden Martha Gooden Maxine Hines Vivian Hitt Joyce Lam Pam Lilly Buddy Merica Loretta Miller Sandra Morris Joyce Sheets Yvonne Tincher Idelma Winegard Fulks Run Anna Dove Pat McNally Becky Morris Hope Ritchie

Grottoes Kenneth & Linda Berry Guy Hudson Angel Moore Genevieve Ritchie Harrisonburg Rich & Pat Armstrong Dolores Barnett Norma Bowman Shirley Brooks Ruth Burkholder Winton Claudestearn Hirut Dadebo Wilma Davis Jeanie Diehl Geraldine Eaton Theresa Eckstein Joyce Foltz Lorraine Good Dorothy Goshey Luci Greene Mae Guthrie Linda Hamilton Mildred Hensley Wilhelmina Johnson Lowell Kauffman Dawn Keplinger Naomi Kniss Paul Kniss Susanna McMurray Delores Merrick Celia Miller Martha Miller Sara Grace Miller Dena Moyers C. J. Ritchie Frances Ritchie Juanelle Simmons Alice Souder Linda Steele Donna Stone Betty Troyer Lois Weber Billy Wright Keezletown Arlene Kirby Lewis Omps

Lola Dove Sheila Fitzwater Donnie Taylor Anita Whetzel Luray Alma Dyer McGaheysville Walter Gerner Beatrice Horst

Mt. Jackson Anna Andrick Betty Estep Virginia Golladay Carol Lutz Irene Strickler Betty Young Mt. Solon Mary Ann Butkiewicz Carolyn Fifer Dewitt Hosaflook Edna Hosaflook Vance & Pauline Knott Joyce Lough Icy Ralston Austine Roudabush Elizabeth Selkirk New Market Rachel & Richard Derrow Susan Finlaw Carolyn Kipps E. J. Laughlin Shirley Laughlin Ann Miller Dorothy White Penn Laird Lana Hartman Burton Propst Alayna Secrist Lou Stover Quicksburg Peggy Neff

Lacey Spring Sarah Miller

Rileyville Catherine Mishler

Linville Leo & Shelby Dove

Rockingham Eleanor Armentrout

Loretta Blank Jonas Borntrager Lois Burkholder Nancy Callahan P. R. Campbell Merlin Harman David Heatwole Helen Kwuelum Mildred Lutz Dessil May Randy May Teresa May Brenda Rhodes Linda Ritchie Nancy Stultz Jim Sumption

Weyers Cave Lucretia Carter Patricia Early Paul Luther Law Karen Sellers

Shenandoah Mertie Blakemore Rebecca Comer Trudy Comer Mary Frances Dorraugh Catherine Good Sarah Haines Shelby Hartman Janice Jones Carolyn Lamb Annie Olaker Annie Pierce Stanley Mary Hunkley Arletta Painter

Gaston, SC Judy Carper Richard Dean

Singers Glen Betty Demastus Frank Mundy Linda Mundy

Franklin, WV Betty Smith

Staunton Helen Bartemslager Timberville Jean Ankers Ruth Coffman Blanche Collins Joe Ford Pricilla Pence Patsy Ryman Kathryn Smith Marie Stroop Waynesboro Joanna Grimm Peter Grimm

Woodstock Cindy Copp Carolyn Derflinger Dick Hottinger Franklin, KY Gay Kirby Mount Airy, NC Tommy & Linda Jackson

Antioch, TN Lisa Meyer Damon, TX Kelley Bell Bartow, WV Julia & Jason Bauserman Delray, WV Shirley Heishman

Mathias, WV Merlin Delawder Patsy Delawder Helen May Gary Miller Jane Robinson Jeanette Sager Donna Whtetzel Sugar Grove, WV Naomi Mitchell Paula Mitchell Upper Tract, WV Karen Kimble

Mail your completed puzzle and be entered in the drawing for a free year’s subscription (12 issues) to Purpose magazine! Purpose is a monthly Christian magazine with inspirational articles, illustrations, poetry and puzzles and many of the same writers you’ve enjoyed in Valley Living. 30 living • Summer 2018

©ADOBE STOCK

A view from the A View from the top Top Jeanette Baer Showalter by JEANETTEby BAER SHOWALTER

We marvel at the majestic beauty of mountains, tremble at the fury of a volcano, and often delight in climbing the highest peaks. From the historical eruption of Vesuvius to the challenge of the highest mountain on land, Mt. Everest, we have always been fascinated by these gigantic landforms. Below are forty of the world’s tallest, most beautiful, or most dangerous peaks. You can find them in the puzzle forward, backward, horizontally, vertically and diagonally. Please send in your completed puzzle so you can be entered in the drawing for a free year’s subscription to Purpose inspirational magazine ($28.00 value). There will be three winners drawn from completed puzzles sent to Valley Living. Thanks! T

ACONCAGUA

LHOTSE

AORAKI

LOGAN

ARARAT

MAKALU

BEN NEVIS

MATTERHORN

CERRO TORRE

MAUNA KEA

DENALI

MAUNA LOA

EIGER

MAWENZI

ELBRUS

MERAPI

ETNA

MONT BLANC

EVEREST FUJI

MONTE FITZ ROY

GODWIN-AUSTEN

OLYMPUS

GRAND TETON

PAGET

HUANGSHAN

PINATUBO

JUNGFRAU

PUNCAK JAYA

KAILASH

RAINIER

KENYA

ST. HELENS

KILIMANJARO KINABALU

TABLE MOUNTAIN

KIRKJUFELL

VESUVIUS

KOSCIUSZKO

VINSON MASSIF

Mail your completed puzzle and be entered in the drawing for a free year’s subscription to Purpose magazine! _________________________________________________________________________________________________ Name (please print)

_________________________________________________________________________________________________ Address

City

Print off additional copies of this puzzle at valleyliving.org. Mail by June 30, 2018, to Living, P.O. Box 1501, Harrisonburg, VA 22803.

State

Zip

Summer 2018 • living 31

What will your children learn this summer?

Sign them up for Vacation Bible School! “Let each generation tell its children of God’s mighty acts.” Psalms 145:4 (Paraphrased)

Valley Living, along with these sponsors & churches, encourage families to participate in a local VBS. Glendon Blosser

Clark & Bradshaw

Tracey Veney

92 N. Liberty St. • Harrisonburg 540-433-2601

Trisha Blosser

Jonas Borntrager

Tim & Lindsey Shantz

Ivette Churney

Local VBS Programs: Grace Mennonite Fellowship

Art Borden

Dusty Rhodes Botkin Rose

David Rohrer & Crystal Musser

botkinrose.com

“Splash Canyon” June 18-22, 6-8 pm gracemennonite@comcast.net (540) 442-6235

C. Kevin Yoder, CPA

New Beginnings Church

Stuart & Melodie Davis Angela Rempel

540-560-1571

Suter Engineering 205 Dry River Rd. • Bridgewater 540-810-3239

“Polar Plunge” July 13-14, 6-8:30 pm July 15, 11 am-1pm newbeginchurch.org (540) 434-1555

Mt. Clinton & Weavers Mennonite Churches “Peace Lab” June 18-20, 27 & July 11, 18 weaversmc.org (540) 434-7758

Lindale Mennonite Church “CoMISSIONed to GO” June 18-22, 6-8 pm lindale.org (540) 833-5171

Asbury United Methodist Church

“Babylon: Daniel’s Courage in Captivity” June 23-27, 5:30-7:30 pm asbury.cc (540) 434-2836