Celebrate Family Church of The Holy Spirit
A Family Life Group Publication
November 2008
fam-I-ly vs FAM-i-lY in our Advent journey, we are organising a Parish Family Event. “Becoming A Holy Family” to be conducted by Fr Johnson Fernandez (see pg 8).
Here’s how the word ‘family’ is spelt by many people today: small case letters for ‘f-a-m’, a BIG ‘I’, and a very small ‘ly’. This illustrates one of the most pervasive problems of modern family life: all too often the ‘I’ dominates; the ego is supreme. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that in the word ‘family’ there are three letters before and two letters after ‘I’. Most of us are constantly tempted to think of ourselves first, that ‘I’ am the centre of the family. Everyone else exists to make me happy. Ever yone else is there to serve me.
Needless to say, we must all look towards the Holy Family of Nazareth for inspiration. The three members of the Holy Family – Jesus, Mary and Joseph - shared a common commitment to God, and that is why they lived in peace and harmony. Their lives were centered on God and doing the Lord’s will. They were not busy doing their own things. Each was not expecting the other members of the family to ser ve them. They had a common centre to their lives and everything else revolved around that common focus.
In June 2008, the first of what we hope to be the first of many more family life groups, was formed. This initiative is in line with our theme in 2009, “Growing as a Family”. We are going to kickstar t a Church-based programme with familycentred activities, family prayers and family outings as the big family of God. This will culminate in 2010 at the 50th Anniversary of our Parish when the theme will be “Serving as a Family”.
Finally, let this acronym guide you in building up love and unity in your family. Let the word ‘Family’ mean ‘Forget About Me because I Love You. This was how Jesus, Mary and Joseph lived their lives. In their commitment to love God and do His will, they forgot about themselves and reached out in love to God and each other. May we and every member of our family learn to do the same.
This parish family life newsletter “Celebrate Family” is launched to coincide with Advent. There are interesting and useful ar ticles to help us grow as a faith community. Included in this issue is a Parish Advent Project - Making a Nativity Manger (see pgs 6-7). Parishioners are invited to take part in it as it will culminate at the Christmas E ve C h i l d r e n ’s M a s s o n Wednesday 24 December. Also 1 fam-I-ly versus FAM-i-LY 2 • Collaborators with God • Parents as Primary Educators 3 Parish Advent Project: Building A Nativity Manger • Are We Ready for the Right Manger? • Week 1: Are You at the Right Manger?
Together with Fr Gerard Weerakoon and Fr Jean Van Dich, I take this opportunity to wish you and your family a Blessed and Holy Christmas.
Fr Andrew Wong Parish Priest 4 Week 2: Is Your Heart at the Right Manger? 5 Week 3: What is Needed at the Right Manger? 6 • Week 4: Be at the Right Manger • Building the Nativity Manger
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A Reflection on “Passive Fathers, Angry Children”
8 • Parish Family Event : Becoming a Holy Family • After Advent: Where Do We Go From Here?
Contents
Collaborators with God In these times as the government entices couples to have children with attractive parenthood packages amidst a society that beckons us to focus on climbing the corporate ladder, are we having children because of what society demands of us or as a symbol of success? Do we see children as gifts from God? Are we open to being collaborators with God in bringing our children into the world, fully embracing all the responsibilities and commitment that being a parent entails? Advent may be a good time to reflect not only on being a child of God but on the impor tance of being a parent to children entrusted to us by God. As young parents, we sometimes find our selves str uggling with uncer tainty
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and endless challenges. It is often easier to give in to worldly values rather than to instill Christian ones. Our children may have suffered the consequences of our negligence and frustrations but we know we can always turn to the Lord and ask for His forgiveness and grace to be better parents. It is in those times that we realize how God fathers us with such commitment and dedication. His unconditional love is always there no matter how far we stray.
Mark & Janice Lim Our younger daughter used to say, “Mummy, Daddy, I want you!” repeatedly. We remember telling her that we were there with her. She was never satisfied with that answer as the same statement would pop up every now and then when we got too caught up with the things of this world. One day it dawned on us that what she really wanted was not just our physical but our full presence. We believe this is what every child values and treasures most.
PARENTS AS PRIMARY EDUCATORS
lose concentration if we prayed all five decades. Another adaptation we have made is to use pictures representing each of the decades. Ever y night one of the three younger children would hold up the picture relating to the Myster y that we were praying. Our oldest daughter, Grace, would read a brief meditation and then lead us through the prayers.
In the Declaration on Christian Education (DCE), the Church teaches that parents are the primar y educators of their children. Since parents have given children their life, they are bound by the most serious obligation to educate their offspring and therefore must be recognised as the primar y and principal educators. (DCE 11) Our busy, secular society makes educating our children in the faith no easy task. Our family has had to take a step back and look at our schedules and priorities. If we want to raise our kids in a Catholic culture we must create that in our home. To begin this change, we recently made a commitment to end our day by praying the Rosar y with our children. Pope John Paul II in his Apostolic Letter, Rosarium Virginis Mariae, encouraged families to pray the Rosary, as an effective way to bring families together.
We have come to realize in our seventh year of parenting that our children are on loan from God. We are specially favoured and chosen to be their ear thly parents and it is our duty to nur ture and guide them with God our Father and with Mother Mar y as our model. However, our greatest duty is to introduce them to the God we love and ser ve so that they can grow up to be people wor thy of God and man.
Many of the problems facing contempor ar y families, especially in economically developed societies, result from their increasing difficulty in communicating. Families seldom manage to come together, and the rare occasions when they do are often taken up with watching television. (DCE 41) In his Apostolic Letter, Pope John gave ideas on how to adapt the Rosar y and encour aged parents to be “positive , impassioned and creative” in presenting it to their children. (DCE 42) As a family, we pray just one decade of the Rosar y ever y night. Our children are still young and we realise that they would
As we educate our children spiritually, we have discovered that it truly is a privilege. It is a joy to see our kids learning their faith at their own level. We look forward to this Advent season to continue nur turing our faith as a family. John & Mary Swanke
parish advent project:
Building A Nativity Manger
Are We Ready For The Right Manger? During this holy season of Advent, we are called to prepare our selves to commemorate wor thily the first coming of Christ as our Brother and Saviour. If we let the full meaning of Christmas enter into our innermost being and welcome the Son of God with a clean, sincere and grateful heart, then our lives will be sanctified and a big step taken towards our eternal goal. For every Christian, Christmas should be a milestone on the road to heaven. It should recall for us, the great length our heavenly Father went to, to make us adopted children in his everlasting happiness. At Christmas, we tend to become preoccupied with the commercialism and consumerism of society. Christmas comes just once a year, but its meaning and its lesson must remain in our hearts and minds all year round. We hope that through the following four weeks of reflection you and your family will experience the true meaning of Advent and Christmas. Peter & Josephine James Adrian & Agnes Lim
Scripture: (Luke 2:1- 8) - A member reads the scripture aloud - All observe a short silence to reflect on it - Each member shares what struck him/her most in this passage - The family talks about their manger and Jesus came to us with nothing and was how they can/cannot relate to it: born in an empty, simple manger. He • In what ways am I like or unlike the did not come from a palace or castle. manger? He was showered only with his parents’ • What would it be like to have Jesus love and care. Can we make our home born in my home this Christmas? like a manger? Are our lives so cluttered with unimpor tant things that we are Closing Prayer: (Psalm 121) unable to see who is in front of us – those who love us. We need to wake End with a Closing Hymn from our slumber and star t preparing the right manger. We must be mindful Work for the rest of the of Jesus this Advent even as we prepare week: for Christmas. - To reflect on how you can make your home more of a manger Objective: where Jesus can be born. To prepare family members to visit Jesus at - To place the manger in a prominent the right manger. location in the home.
Week 1
Are YOU At The Right Manger?
Procedure: - The family gathers the materials required for the manger and constr ucts it together. - The scripture text is read.
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Scripture: (Luke 2: 8-18)
Week 2
Is Your HEART At The Right Manger? Are our hear ts in the season of Advent or are we just waiting for Christmas? Christmas would be insignificant if we do not prepare for it. If our hear ts are not in Advent and at the right manger then Christmas would be meaningless. Are we blinded by consumerism and commercialism that prevent us from receiving Jesus? Will we allow Jesus into our hear ts this Christmas and star t afresh? Objective: To prepare the family to experience the true meaning of Christmas. Facilitator: The head of the household e .g. a parent or an appointed adult.
- A member reads the scripture aloud. - All obser ve a shor t silence to reflect on it. - Each member shares on what struck him/her most in this passage. Closing Prayer: Each family member offers up intentions for this coming Christmas. Response: Jesus the only Hope and Joy of ever y heart, come and be born in our hearts. Procedure: - The family gather s and begins to construct the manger. - The session begins with an Opening Prayer and a hymn. - The facilitator makes copies and distributes the questionnaire (see below) for each family member to complete.
End with a Closing Hymn Work for the rest of the week: - To pray that each family member will have a meaningful Christmas. - To find ways of bringing Hope and Peace to someone at home and at work.
- Ever yone is invited to share their answers. Everyone is allowed time to share. - If the answers are all the same or all very different, time is given for open sharing.
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- The facilitator invites each family member to share his/her perception of the meaning of Christmas.
QUESTIONNAIRE 1. Chr istmas is tr uly Chr istmas when… A – I have lots of gifts B – I allow Christ to be born in my heart C – A new life in Christ has begun in me
3. The best thing about Christmas is…. A – Sharing the spirit of Love with those who are less fortunate than myself B – Receiving presents C – Going on a holiday or taking leave from work 4. Christmas means…
2. Christmas is…
B – To share Christ with others C – As an excuse to buy or get something that I have been wanting for a long time 6. I should give presents to… A – My family and loved ones only B – Those less for tunate than myself
A – Exchanging presents
A – Time spent with family, loved ones and friends
B – Attending Christmas par ties, feasting and drinking
B – God sending his only Son so that we might have salvation
C – Spending time with my loved ones and forgiving the person who has hur t me
C – A time to experience His Love, Peace and Joy
A – Buy without giving much thought to whether the person really needs it
5. T h e r e a r e p r e s e n t s d u r i n g Christmas…
B – Buy for the sake of buying, i.e. just getting a gift without much meaning
A – Because the shops are having a big sale
C. – My friends and colleagues 7. When I buy presents, I…
C – Pray and ask the Lord to guide me in giving the appropriate gift to each person
Week 3
What Is NEEDED At The Right Manger? If we do not have the right picture of Christmas then we may go about preparing a ‘palace’ for our Lord’s coming, but Jesus came to us in a ‘manger’. It is a simple place well ready to receive Him. If we are preparing for Jesus’ birth then the focus should be only on Jesus. Have you emptied your hear t for Jesus? At Christmas, Our Father gives us His Son. We now need to give Jesus, who is the beginning, the midpoint and the end of Christmas, to others. If we find it difficult to resist worldly temptations and continue with old habits, then we are closing our hearts to a possible new experience this Christmas. For Jesus to be born in our hear ts, that hear t must be devoid of clutter and ready to receive Him. Objective: To help family members realise what is needed to celebrate Christmas in the right spirit.
preparation: To obtain a copy of this weekend’s bulletin supplement that provides the animal cutouts for this project. Facilitator: The mother or mother-figure of the family.
Closing Prayer: Father, we give you thanks through Jesus Christ Now we watch for the day, hoping that the salvation promised us will be ours, when Christ our Lord will come again in His glory.
Procedure:
Work for the rest of the week:
- The facilitator begins with an Opening Prayer and a hymn.
- To remind each other to prepare to be at the manger
- The facilitator prepares the animal cutouts and a photo of each family member, then reads out the characteristics of each animal (see box). Ever yone identifies which animal best describes each family member.
- To ask each other what he/she is doing to prepare for Christmas
- The family cuts out a photo of the person associated with the animal and pastes it over the head of the animal.
CHARacteristics of Animals Ox
Steady, gentle, patient, reliable, full of strength, hardworking
Rabbit Quiet, humble
- The facilitator places each animal in the manger.
Sheep Gentle, pure
Scripture: (Matthew 2: 7-11)
Donkey Stubborn, headstrong
Dove
Peace, love, joy
- A member reads the scripture aloud.
Dog
- All observe a short silence to reflect on it, especially on the gifts that the Magi brought
Honest, faithful, fun-loving, always happy
Bird
Free from worries
- Each member shares how he/she feels about being in the manger
Lamb Meekness, cute Rams Wise, gentle, timid Horse Cheerful, talented, wise
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Week 4
BE at the Manger The prophecy is fulfilled. Emmanuel means ‘God is with us’. To have love is to have ‘God with us’. To give love is to give God who is with us. When we feel empty because others are not loving us like we hope, we need to remind ourselves that God is with us – we need to call upon Emmanuel. God already loves us completely, fully and unconditionally, whether or not we deserve it. Keep our eyes on Jesus. His love fills all the gaps. Emmanuel - It is a name for Jesus that we should use all year round. As we finish preparing for the Christmas, focus on Emmanuel. Sing Emmanuel. Pray Emmanuel. This sign, this name, is God’s personal Christmas gift to YOU. Objective: To prepare our hear ts to receive Jesus at the manger.
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Procedure: One of the children in the family begins with an Opening Prayer and a hymn.
- Each member of the family prays for one another to have a beautiful experience of the birth of Jesus.
Scripture: - Read or pray the following: Genesis 3:15 Isaiah 7:14 Isaiah 9:1 Isaiah 9:5-6 Micah 5:2 Luke 2:1-7
Closing Prayer In his love Christ has filled us with joy as we prepare to celebrate his bir th, so that when he comes he may find us waiting, our hearts filled with wonder and praise.
Building The Nativity Manger Materials Required: Newspaper White glue Poster colour Paint brush A piece of cardboard for the base Tapioca Flour – for starch glue Making Starch Glue Step 1: Dissolve three tablespoons of flour with a little tap water. Step 2: Pour hot/boiling water into the mixture and stir until it turns sticky.
End with a Closing Hymn Work for the rest of the week: To reflect on what present I will give to Jesus
Making the Cave
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Cut some newspaper into half page pieces.
Crush the half pages into balls.
Glue the paper balls together to form the shape of the manger you wish to create.
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4 If required, use a suppor t for the shape you are creating.
A Reflection on “Passive Fathers, Angry Children” Dominic’s sharing: Recently, a ME (Marriage Encounter) couple sent the following article on “Passive Fathers, Angry Children” to me. It caught my eye as a number of points were very instructive to me. I thank God for His graces and wisdom in making me a better father. I have two sons; a teenager and a preteen. It is a challenging phase in their lives and in our father-son relationship. Prior to attending a recent spiritual retreat, my relationship with them included simply giving authoritative instructions and not getting involved in their educational or personal lives. However, at the retreat the Holy Spirit convicted me and with a priest’s advice, I telephoned my elder son to apologise and seek his forgiveness for the times I had related to him in a hurtful way. That was the turning point in our relationship. I am now more open to listening to him and he is more forthcoming in approaching me and sharing snippets of his life. Slowly but surely, I am actively building up my relationship with my sons. I pray that you will take some time to read the following extract from “Family Life – Moments with You” (August 2008) and
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reflect on how it can help strengthen your relationship with your children. EXTRACT: Passive Fathers, Angry Children “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4 Look at the verse above again--it contains one negative command and two positive ones. From our experience, the three commands work together; if you obey the negative command, you are able to fulfil the others as well. We have established a list of common things a dad does to provoke anger in his children. Many more could be listed, but here are our top five: • Shows a dictatorial style of relating to his children, over-emphasizing authority without an underlying relationship of love, affection and fun times together • Exhibits a critical spirit, consistently tearing down his children with the tone of his voice and the words of his mouth • Is passive and neglects his children outright • Fails to provide clear expectations about boundaries, limits and rules • Fails to develop a relationship with each of his children, either rejecting or withdrawing from the relationship
ways of developing children into the men and women God designed them to be: discipline and instruction. When a father cares enough about his children to enter their world and develop a relationship with them and, when needed, discipline them, he expresses love to his children. When we had four teenagers at one time, my wife leaned on me a lot when it came to discipline. And I want to tell you, it’s during these exhausting moments at the end of the day that the easiest thing to do is nothing. The same is true for instruction. Dads, you need to turn off the television or the computer and crawl out of your easy chair to formally engage your children’s moral and spiritual education. Step on up and be the man! Evaluate: On a 1- to 10-point scale (1 being poor and 10 being outstanding), evaluate how you are doing with your children in each of the three commands of Ephesians 6:4. Pray: Pray that God will grant you favour as you seek to be God’s man in raising your children. 7 Dominic & Prisca Lim
Fathers need to realize that they can provoke their children to anger or guide them to greatness. It’s interesting that the same Scripture gives fathers two practical
STEP
7 Cover all the exterior and interior walls of the cave and leave to dry.
Let the glue dry.
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Cut some newspaper into strips. Soak the strips in the starch glue and paste them over the manger to form the walls.
Paint the manger in the colour of your choice. Now you have completed the manger.
Advent Project Family Pledge If you would like to make a Nativity Manger as a family, please sign up at the Parish Booth as we will have a surprise in store for you when you bring along your Nativity Manger for a special blessing at the Children’s Christmas Mass on Wednesday 24 December @ 5.30pm – 7.00p.m
AFTER ADVENT: WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE? Fr Andrew mentioned in his opening ar ticle about his hope for the parish to establish more family life groups and some of you may be wondering, “What exactly is a family life group?” A family life group is made up of a few married couples who come together regularly to pray, share and grow in their faith, suppor t each other and build community. As Pope John Paul II has said, “It is not possible to live and grow in the faith without the support of a group, of a Christian community. It is here that you will learn together to build a better wor ld…these groups must not close in upon themselves.” If you are interested to find out more and know of other couples who would like to explore the possibility of forming a family life group, please contact our Parish Pastor al Executive Jar vis Tan (HP: 98272300/email: jar vis@ holyspirit.org.sg). •
A celebration for the whole family!
There will be two other sessions taking place simultaneously for younger family members, namely:
Come and spend a meaningful day together of formation, fellowship, food and fun.
• A formation session for children between the ages of 7 – 12 years that will be conducted by the Youth Groups of our parish.
In addition to the Parish Advent Project: “Building A Nativity Manger”, the parish is organising a special day for families to prepare ourselves better for the coming of Jesus at Christmas, by seeking reconciliation within our families. Come join us for an after noon of formation by guest speaker, Fr Johnson Fernandez. The event is open to families.
• A program for preschoolers.
Registration is required. The $10 fee is inclusive of dinner. Please sign up at the Parish Booth on the weekends of 22-23 Nov & 29–30 Nov. Organisers: Joachim & Ann Koh, Pamela & Adin Ng and other members of the first family life group at Holy Spirit Church.
The day will culminate with a Family Healing Mass dur ing the Saturday Sunset Mass followed by a Family Buffet Dinner in the canteen. Do make a date with your family and with fellow par ishioner s... We are Family!
Special thanks to all those who have provided contents for this issue.
CHURCH OF THE HOLY SPIRIT
Archdiocese of Singapore, 248 Upper Thomson Road, Singapore 574371 Tel: 6453 6340 • Fax: 6451 5745 • hschurch@pacific.net.sg • www.holyspiritchurch.sg Fr Andrew Wong (Parish Priest) • Fr Jean Nguyen Van Dich, MEP • Fr Gerard Weerakoon Design by - FIREFLY MEDIA (Tel: 6295 1181 • Email: glow@fireflymedia.com.sg)