Imprint_2010-10-08_v33_12 by Editor Imprint

Impr int The university of Waterloo’s official student newspaper

Friday, October 8, 2010

Vol 33, No

imprint . uwaterloo . ca

The war over Ward 6

News

UW’s interim leader. Feridun Humdullahpur is named the interim President of UW.

Features

The other WatCard. Learn about the UW Guest Copy Card and how it differs from the WatCard.

Science

The Waterloo campus cell service struggle. Learn why your cell doesn’t work on campus and what is being done to fix it.

Arts & Entertainment 17 Titanic: The Artifact Exhibition embarks upon the museum. An inside look at this thrilling exhibit.

Sports

Warrior’s women’s golf named OUA team of the month. ryan webb

Ward 6 contender Ed Korschewitz, right, answers questions from the audience during the Town Hall debate held by the Voter Support Committee in Waterloo last Tuesday evening. See Page 3 a breakdown of your Ward 6 candidates.

News

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010 news@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Municipal Election 2010 Have your say on water fluoridation, K-W amalgamation Ryan Webb news editor

When they elect their municipal and regional representatives later this month, voters will be also be voting on two specific ballot questions. While one of the results will affect most residents of Waterloo on a daily basis, the other one will not even force council to discuss the issue. Should Waterloo fluoridate its water?

The referendum question that will have the most direct impact on Waterloo voters is whether the government should continue to fluoridate the public drinking water. Presently, the City of Waterloo, portions of Woolwich, and a small part of Kitchener all do add fluoride to their water supplies. Fluoridation involves adding small amounts of a fluoride compound to drinking water in controlled amounts, with the goal of promoting dental health in the community. According to the Canadian Dental Association (CDA), fluoride prevents tooth decay by making tooth enamel, the outer layer of teeth, stronger and more resistant to cavities. The CDA argues that community water fluoridation policies are efficient, because they are “the best way to provide fluoride protection to a large number of people at a low cost.” The American Centre for Disease Control has also called it one of the 10 most successful public health measures in the last century. The only medical doctor running for council in Wards 6 or 7, Anne Crowe, has come out strongly in support of maintaining fluoridation on these grounds. At a Town Hall debate for Ward 6 candidates held on Tuesday evening, Crowe said she saw the question as an important “public health” issue, “like

pasteurized milk” in that it has a broad and positive effect on society’s health. Candidate Jeff Henry shared nearly identical views. On the other side are candidates that believe choices about fluoride use should be made, and not by government. At the Ward 6 Town Hall, candidates Ed Korschewitz and Mike Connolly argued that the choice to consume fluoride should be a “personal” one for each citizen to make for themselves. Other sources of fluoride include tablets, most brands of toothpaste, some types of mouthwash, and certain brands of bottled water. Advocates of fluoridation responded that it is the poorest in the community that stand to benefit from access to free fluoride therapy. At a Ward 7 Town Hall held just before press time, former UW Political Science Prof. Peter Woolstencroft adamantly expressed his support in favour of fluoridation, because of its “benefits” on the dental health of “low income children” in the community. Candidates’ opinions will not matter on election day. As a result of a municipal bylaw passed by the last council, the matter will be left to the voters to decide.

The candidates at Tuesday’s Town Hall were universally skeptical. Of merging, Jeff Henry had good things to say about “recreation and community centres” in Waterloo’s neighbouring city, but expressed concerns about its environmental policies, especially in regards to protecting its groundwater supply. Rather than joining together as one, Henry advocated that both cities “learn from each other separately.” Candidate Mike Connolly stood in strong opposition to a merger. “Healthy competition... makes the region gel,” he contended, “Don’t destroy what’s working well.” Crowe was also skeptical of the proposal, but said she would openly explore the idea if voters passed the measure. “Differences between

the two cities are shrinking,” Crowe explained, pointing out that one can “hardly notice” when you drive from one city to another. Much the same as for water fluoridation, it will be up to the voters to decide whether Kitchener and Waterloo finally merge into one city. Well, sort of. Imprint will have further reports on the topics that matter most to students in the issues leading up to election day, Oct. 25. Advance voting is available at Waterloo City Hall Oct. 8, 15, and 16 between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m. news@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Should Kitchener and Waterloo merge?

The second ballot question is on whether the city councils should engage in discussions about the advantages and disadvantages of merging the cities of Kitchener and Waterloo. As a result, an affirmative vote would merely lead to some form of discussion between both councils, and would not give any mandate for the cities to actually merge. While, amalgamation has been considered many times in the history of both cities, if Ward 6 candidates are any indication of voters’ support for the proposal, it appears to be no closer to success this year.

Candidates for Councillor, Ward 6 Central-Columbiawardishometouniversities,Northdale

Anne crowe for ward 6 campaign

Elect mike connolly campaign

kathleen ing

ryan webb

Anne Crowe

Mike Connolly

Jeff Henry

Ed Korschewitz

Dr. Anne Crowe is a former family doctor that chose to complete an MBA at Wilfrid Laurier in 2002. Currently she is employed as a physician-administrator for local hospitals and teaches medical students at the UW-McMaster medical school branch in downtown Kitchener. She also occasionally continues to provide front-line medical service to patients. Crowe moved to the Waterloo region 30 years ago with her husband, who is a software engineer. Since then, they have raised their two college-aged children in Waterloo, now.

Mike Connolly is a former British Army officer and is no stranger to municipal politics in the Waterloo Region. Although he is not an incumbent in 2010, he has served on city and regional councils for a total of 11 years. Connolly has been an active member of several local community organizations. He served as the media representative for the K-W Red Cross, was co-founder of Waterloo Neighbourhood Watch, and served on the Board of Directors for Wilfrid Laurier University and the Waterloo United Way.

Jeff Henry’s experiences make him very familiar with the university community. As a UW graduate in both computer engineering and political science, he boasts both a technical and liberal arts education. Henry currently works as Vice President of the Grand River branch of the Canadian Mental Health Association, and also for UW’s Faculty of Mathematics as the Academic Integrity Officer. In the latter position he is responsible for enforcing UW’s academic integrity and honesty regulations.

Ed Korschewitz is a businessman and lifelong resident of the Waterloo Region. Before co-managing his family-owned marketing firm, ALKO, Korschewitz worked in finance. He currently serves as President of the Beechwood Park Homeowners Association Korschewitz is also active in the wider community, especially as a member of the Rotary Club of Kitchener-Conestoga. He is also a Charter Member of Go-Givers in Action Waterloo Region, and a former president of the Digital Imaging Association.

News

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010

Mr. President: UW’s interim leader Azra Premji staff reporter

Riaz Nathu reporter

Canadian soldier sentenced for mercy killing

A Canadian soldier, Cpt. Robert Semrau, shot a severely injured and dying Taliban fighter in Afghanistan in October 2008. Despite his spotless military record and his involvement during the November 2008 mortar attack in the Panjwaii district, Semrau was acquitted for attempted murder and murder for the October 2008 incident. However, Judge Perron, who sentenced Semrau on Monday, did demote him to second lieutenant and dismissed him from the military. Judge Perron spared Semrau from jail time, but he also said “every Canadian soldier is an ambassador of Canadian values and the code of conduct clearly states we must offer assistance to wounded enemies who do not pose a threat to us.” Although Semrau is disappointed at being forced out of the military, he thanked the public for their support during the lengthy trial. Semrau is a psychology graduate from the University of Saskatchewan, served in the British army for three years, and lives in Petawawa, Ontario with his wife and two daughters. Chile miners still underground

Thirty-three miners have been trapped underground since the San Jose mine in Chile’s Atacama desert collapsed on Aug. 5. The families of the miners have waited over two

months for their rescue with 160 metres remaining until the “Plan B” drill reaches the miners. The expected date for the drill to reach this depth is between Oct. 15-30. Following the drilling, the rescue operation faces its most dangerous phase where a rescue capsule coined “The Phoenix” with oxygen and communication equipment will be sent down. In order for the miners to slim down and condition themselves for the rescue, a trainer has been brought to the mining site. A doctor sent to the site has indicated he believes the men are physically and mentally ready for their rescue to the surface which requires them to spend a minimum half hour standing in the capsule. The most dangerous risk, according to Chilean Health Minister Jaime Managlich, for the miners after rescue is damage to the retina as they face sunlight after being underground for months. They may also suffer from post-traumatic stress after the lengthy and difficult underground experience. Oxfam: Stop U.S. rice subsidies

A recently released Oxfam international report has called for an end to U.S. subsidized rice exports to Haiti. The report comes at a critical time of economic development and rebuilding of the nation since the January earthquake that left more than 230,000 people dead. Subsidized rice has been an issue for agriculture trade policy for a number of years. Oxfam claims that $434 million

Make a

mark of your own. After living up to the expectations and demands of parents, teachers and coaches, it is time to set some goals of your own. How about fast-tracking your career in a place that offers unlimited opportunity FOLLOW

Mark

and Win a Trip!

and

lifestyle

filled

with

adventure? Come make your mark in the Northwest

Territories,

where

graduate degree holders can earn $25,000 more per year than the national average and where your student loan will

vanish

ice-castle in the spring.

ad 1 make a mark of your own 2 col.indd 1

28/09/2010 3:01:10 PM

is paid annually to domestic U.S. rice farmers, which is more than the total U.S. aid to Haiti of $353 million. The issue here is that the subsidized rice imported is often significantly cheaper than locally produced commodities. This gives rise to serious rural unemployment, triggering rural to urban migration, and puts added stress on the nation’s capital of Portau-Prince. Former U.S. President Bill Clinton, an original proponent of the domestic U.S. rice subsidy program, has voiced its failures and negative effects on other nations. The report recognizes the current needs of the population but acknowledges that commodity based aid should be sourced locally. Second round vote for Brazil

Brazil is set for a run-off vote to determine the successor to President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva (Lula). Lula’s former chief of staff, Dilma Rousseff, received nearly 50 per cent of the first-round votes. Jose Serra of the Social Democratic Party received 33 per cent. Rousseff, who has the full support of Lula himself, views the second round vote as more time to communicate her position to the Brazilian people. The past economic growth of Brazil, under Lula, gives added importance to these elections. If Rousseff wins, she will become the first female president of Brazil. Originally slated to win in the first round, Ms. Rousseff ’s campaign efforts were clouded by a corruption scandal with a former aide. A vote between Rousseff and Serra will occur at the end of the month. — With files from BBC World News, Toronto Star, CNN, CBC, and National Post.

FeridunHumdullahpurnamedinterimPresident

Eduardo Ramirez staff reporter

he Jonhston era has come to an end as Feridun Hamdullahpur officially takes the responsibility of interim president this week until a new president is elected by the Board of Governors. Hamdullahpur came to Waterloo 13 months ago to hold two administrative positions, one as an academic vice-president and the second as provost. He takes over from David Johnston, who served as president since 1999 and is now the Governor General of Canada. Geoff McBoyle, who was introduced as “second-in-command,” will now serve as VP (academic) and provost. “I am pleased to advise that the board unanimously approved this recommendation and Prof. Hamdullahpur has agreed to serve as interim president, until such time as Waterloo’s sixth president takes office,” said Bob Harding, chair of the Board of Governors. Hamdullahpur came to Waterloo from Carleton University in Ottawa, where he was vice-president for six years, after which he was interim VP and provost for three years. He was born in Turkey, and he earned his undergraduate and master’s degree

in mechanical engineering at the Technical University of Istanbul. He was also an Associate Dean of Graduate Studies (1993-95), and Dean of Graduate Studies and Research (1995-97) at Dalhouise University. In these positions, his mandate was to provide “leadership in developing new academic and research initiatives.” After that, he came to Canada to do a PhD at the Technical University of Nova Scotia (now a branch of Dalhousie University). Hamdullahpur’s research areas are energy conversion, thermofluids and bio-mass gasification, and combustion. He served as a faculty member and then an administrator at DalTech before making the move to Carleton in 2000. “It is our conviction that publicly supported institutions such as the University of Waterloo should have transparency and accountability as top priorities, both in decisionmaking and in performance evaluation,” said in his message to the UW community. “The University of Waterloo has a long tradition of providing information to the public, government, students and parents, and this web site is intended to act as an important clearing house for our public accountability.” The search for Johnston’s successor as president began even before he was nominated to become Governor General. He had been expected to continue in the president’s office until June 2011. Staff and faculty members will have an opportunity to hear Hamdullahpur and McBoyle discuss the state of the university November 2, at 3 p.m. in the Humanities Theatre. eramirez@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

News

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010

Ron Kielstra staff reporter

Student aid policies come under fire

On university campuses across Canada, students are continuing to struggle with student aid policies. With the Canadian government reporting that student loans account worth an estimated $15 billion, and average tuition rates rising by four per cent, these policies are becoming more complex, confusing, and frustrating. Increasingly, students without significant savings or financial support from their parents are finding student aid programs, like OSAP, inflexible and unresponsive to their changing financial realities. Family situations, personal health challenges, and rising tuition rates are just some of the things that are not taken into account. Even purchases that are necessary for attending school — like a vehicle for a student with a disability — can count against students when the amount of aid they receive is being calculated. As a result, students are increasingly turning to sources of funding that are more readily available, but also more onerous. Bank lines of credit, relying on multiple credit cards, and working while in school are scenarios that are becoming more and more common. At the same time, however, there is evidence that student debt is also a result of poor spending habits. A study conducted at Wilfrid Laurier University compared students’ spending predictions with their actual spending habits and found that they often underestimate their spending by as much as 30 per cent. Other statistics, however, suggest that current student aid policies contribute to student debt more than any other factor. Studies show that an average first-year student living on campus should expect expenses

of approximately $17,289, but that the most said student could possibly receive from OSAP is $12,240. Universities are beginning to recognize this disparity and are becoming more flexible in an effort to help students make it through school. As a result, practices like taking a term off to build up some savings, going to school part-time, and finding jobs on campus are becoming more common. Free speech contested as four students arrested at Carleton University

Students at Carleton University woke up Tuesday morning to find their campus thrust into the heart of a heated pro-life vs. pro-choice debate. Four Carleton students were arrested for trespassing on Monday by Ottawa police after a peaceful protest in the main quadrangle on campus. The arrests have ignited a debate about how universities and other institutions of higher learning should handle the highly charged abortion debate. Each of the students belong to a pro-life group on campus known as Carleton Lifeline, and applied for permission to hold the protest two months in advance. Their materials included pictures of aborted foetuses and images from the Holocaust and the Rwandan genocide, and were deemed by the university to be offensive, so their request was denied. Carlton University did offer an alternative space for the posters to be displayed, Porter Hall, but in comments to the Ottawa Citizen, anti-abortion activist Ruth Lobo described the area as an “isolated hall in a low traffic area,” a description which other students at the university confirmed when contacted by Imprint. The students plan to fight the university’s actions, arguing that the decision to ban the group from

displaying their posters in public amounts to a censorship of ideas. In comments to the National Post, Albertos Polizogopoulos, the students’ lawyer labelled it a free speech issue and said that the students, “feel they were [treated this way] because their opinions are unpopular,” and that, “the university has acted outside of their own policies” concerning academic freedom and the free exchange of ideas. In comments to the Citizen, though, Carleton spokesman Jason McDonald deflected suggestions that the university acted improperly, calling the issue an “artificial debate.” McDonald clarified the university’s position, saying that “when there’s content that may be graphic, it’s not uncommon to have that in a place where people can choose whether or not they want to see it. If you’re going to [display the images], you need to do it here in this room so that people have a choice.” Western, Carleton brace for possible strike

Negotiations between academic staff and administration at both the University of Western Ontario and Carleton University have become more tense in recent days, with 87 per cent and 88.5 per cent of Western and Carleton staff respectively voting to give their faculty associations a strike mandate. The recent moves come as faculty at both campuses have been without a contract for over three months, though few expect a strike to be imminent. In both cases a government appointed conciliator is scheduled to meet with representatives from each side, and professors will not be able to legally strike until 17 days after a ‘no-board report’ is filed. There is unrest amongst students at both universities, however, as students are concerned that a potential strike could threaten their academic progress. Faculty strikes at other

universities have taken place in the middle of school terms in the past, and a mid- to late-November strike remains a real possibility if relations between the two sides don’t improve. At the heart of the matter in both cases is a dispute over tenure and promotions policies. Carleton administration has proposed a revised tenure process that it says would bring it in line with other Canadian universities. The Carleton University Academic Staff Association is opposed to these changes, which include external peer review and a more standardized tenure process, saying that the proposal merely seeks to shift the blame for a reputational problems to the faculty. At Western, meanwhile, professors are protesting the implementation of a centralized review committee that would be comprised entirely of administrators. Speaking to MacLean’s, University of Western Ontario Faculty Association President James Compton the exclusion of peers in the review process a “problem” and said the university’s proposal would weaken the tenure system. In both cases, though, the votes are seen as somewhat of a formality, as denying negotiators the ability to strike would substantially weaken faculty members’ bargaining positions. To date, no Canadian university has cancelled a semester due to strike. — With files from Maclean’s, Ottawa Citizen, National Post, and Cupwire.

Female assaulted near campus

Gina Racine

imprint staff

ocal police are on the lookout after what appears to be a random act of violence on the streets of Waterloo this week. On Tuesday, Oct. 5, at around 12:20 am, an 18-year-old female was jogging in the area of Hickory and Hazel Street she was attacked by three unknown males. After fighting off the suspects, the female was able to run home and contact police. She was then treated at the hospital for a sprained wrist and facial bruising. While investigation into the incident is ongoing, police are asking anyone who may have witnessed the incident or saw any suspicious males in the area at the time of the incident to contact Waterloo Regional Police at 519-650-8500 x3399 or Crime Stoppers 1-800-222-TIPS. news@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Do you have the

E.Q. & the I.Q. to be the next great Canadian entrepreneur? www.thenext36.ca Application Deadline: October 17th, 2010

Opinion

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010 opinion@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

IMPRINT The University of Waterloo’s official student newspaper

Fall into fashion

Friday, October 8, 2010 Vol. 33, No. 12 Student Life Centre, Room 1116 University of Waterloo Waterloo, Ontario N2L 3G1 P: 519.888.4048 F: 519.884.7800 http://imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Board of Directors board@imprint.uwaterloo.ca President, E Aboyeji president@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Vice-president, Angela Gaetano vp@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Treasurer, Howard Leung treasurer@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Secretary, Erin Thompson secretary@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Staff liaison, Keriece Harris liaison@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Editorial Staff Assistant Editor, Brent Golem Head Reporter, vacant Lead Proofreader, Divyesh Mistry Cover Editor, vacant News Editor, Ryan Webb News Assistant, Luna Wei Opinion Editor, Clara Shin Opinion Assistant, Lindsay Simmons Features Editor, Dinh Nguyen Features Assistant, Zoe Kim Arts & Entertainment, Michael Chung Arts Assistant, Marta Borowska Science & Tech Editor, Jordan Campbell Science & Tech Assistant, Jennifer Nguyen Sports & Living Editor, vacant Sports & Living Assistant, Namish Modi Photo Editor, Ethan Oblak Photo Assistant, Sophie Côté Graphics Editor, Alcina Wong Graphics Assistant, Majuratan Sadagopan Production Staff Ronald Chui, Caitlin McIntyre, Gabriela Grant, Ivan Lui, Michelle Sterba, Jocelyn Phung, Shari Liu, Michael Hay, Fabiha Nuzhat, Stephen Kearse, Mika Ilic, Anui Vasishta, Nana Benewaa, Karan Chopra, Jacqueline McKoy Lambert, Winona So, Marcie Loghrin, Sophia Wong Imprint is the official student newspaper of the University of Waterloo. It is an editorially independent newspaper published by Imprint Publications, Waterloo, a corporation without share capital. Imprint is a member of the Ontario Community Newspaper Association (OCNA). Editorial submissions may be considered for publication in any edition of Imprint. Imprint may also reproduce the material commercially in any format or medium as part of the newspaper database, Web site or any other product derived from the newspaper. Those submitting editorial content, including articles, letters, photos and graphics, will grant Imprint first publication rights of their submitted material, and as such, agree not to submit the same work to any other publication or group until such time as the material has been distributed in an issue of Imprint, or Imprint declares their intent not to publish the material. The full text of this agreement is available upon request. Imprint does not guarantee to publish articles, photographs, letters or advertising. Material may not be published, at the discretion of Imprint, if that material is deemed to be libelous or in contravention with Imprint’s policies with reference to our code of ethics and journalistic standards. Imprint is published every Friday during fall and winter terms, and every second Friday during the spring term. Imprint reserves the right to screen, edit and refuse advertising. One copy per customer. Imprint ISSN 0706-7380. Imprint CDN Pub Mail Product Sales Agreement no. 40065122. Next staff meeting: Tues, Oct. 12 12:30 p.m. Next board of directors meeting: Friday, October 15 12:30 p.m.

My personal take on how to look good this season, on a budget

love fall. I love the change in season, the leaves on the ground, the spectacular colours, and I absolutely adore pumpkin pie. But above all, I love fall fashion: the cute jackets, the colourful scarves, and the endless styles of boots. I guess I should begin by admitting that I am a shopaholic. But as many of you may have already inferred, I am a shopaholic who operates on a fairly tight budget, so I’ve been everywhere imaginable trying to find good steals. With fall being my favourite season to dress for, I thought it would be mildly entertaining to provide a minor insight into my personal shopping habits — my go-to stores, a few new discoveries, the best place to find a last minute dress, and etc. I am about to share my most coveted shopping secrets with you (some may seem obvious), but if you are anywhere as near as enthused about the sport of shopping as I am, hopefully I can bestow some useful information on you. If you have time and patience, I can save you a lot of money. Shoes/Accessories Despite popular misconception, the clearance sections at Spring and Aldo are not always filled with deals on end of season styles. Just a few weeks ago I picked up a pair of closed-toed heels for around $20. I also grabbed an adorable pale pink strapped purse for under $10 — perfect for holding keys, ID, your cell phone, and a couple of bucks. Winners usually has a fantastic selection of shoes, wait, designer shoes, at a very reasonable

cost. Their selection of boots is pretty substantial as well, with most of them being fairly unique. My go-to place for accessories would definitely have to be H&M (you can quickly and easily find something to go with any outfit on any occasion), but when I have the time, I opt for a more challenging way to get something unbelievably affordable and unique. One word: Talize. After an entire term of asking one of my volunteers on a near daily basis where she got her outfit from, and hearing the same response each time (Talize), I had to experience it for myself. What did I find? A pair of denim (that’s right, denim) pointy-toed heels for $6, and a black high-waisted skirt from Aritzia for $5. We won’t even mention how much I paid for the gray one I have at home from there. Ugh. Casual wear Who doesn’t absolutely adore Lululemon? Well, maybe those of us who can’t afford their seemingly ridiculous prices. I have discovered a not-so-secret, affordable way to be able to hop on the Lulu bandwagon (I would like to say that I buy their stuff for the quality, it has nothing to do with its popularity, right?). The Vaughan Mills Mall Lululemon has a sales section that is like a store in itself. I found a pair of dark purple lounge pants from there for, wait for it, $30. The store also holds random warehouse sales (thanks to my best friends for driving to Hamilton and waiting in line last week for two hours getting me stuff while I had to work). But

$45 crops are totally worth it. Hello Joe (Fresh, that is.) A great place to find trendy casual styles, not to mention some great semi-dressy pieces, at fairly decent prices. You should definitely hit up a Zerhs or Superstore for some Joe Fresh after grabbing groceries. Dresses If you’re in a bind, both H&M and Forever 21 are great places to get a little fancy dress for under $40. Need I say more? Jeans Forever 21 is a bounty of cheap denim. The jeans I wear most often are a pair of dark skinnies that came from there and at an astonishingly low cost of $15. My second favourite pair, and the most utilized denim in my closet, are my boyfriend jeans from the H&M kids section (yeah, that’s right, sometimes it pays to be as short as I am). If you are able to make it out of the city, or have time to rifle through the racks, there are steals to be found. The Forever 21 in Burlington is gigantic and I always find something great. I know I mention this store and H&M a lot as resources I use, but they are two reliable sources for inexpensive fashion on both a time and budget constraint. Now I would like to challenge you, students at UW, to share with me your fashion enigmas. I see you everyday, most of you so exceptionally styled. Tell me about your go-to shops and how you get inspired. Email me, editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca.

U.S. get shut out (sort of) pmcgeown@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Pakistan retaliates for U.S. helicopter attack

akistan has claimed the title of Ballsiest Country in the Face of U.S. Pressure (though you can be sure North Korea will push for a title shot). Last week, Pakistan closed the United States’ main supply route into Afghanistan in retaliation for a U.S. helicopter attack that killed three members of Pakistan’s army. The closure of Pakistan’s Torkham border crossing has led to the destruction of at least 20 NATO oil tankers (as of Tuesday morning) in a string of attacks against stationary supply convoys. The helicopter attack in question occurred after Pakistani soldiers fired what were termed “warning shots” at a U.S. helicopter. The chopper attacked the soldiers in self-defense. In the context of a war occurring on Pakistan’s western border, this might seem routine. The reality, however, is that tensions between the U.S. and Pakistan have been quite high for some time. Frequent U.S. drone strikes on Pakistani soil — ostensibly aimed at members of the Tehreek-e-Taliban Pakistan (TTP) — have killed at least as many civilians as militants, which has led to simmering anti-U.S. sentiment among average Pakistanis.

Politically, the U.S. and Pakistan are on good terms. Pakistan is unamused by the drone strikes, but its protests are nominal: it has been said that Pakistan even provides intelligence for some of the strikes. This servile attitude towards the Americans left Pakistani citizens uneasy. According to Al Jazeera, there has been talk of a peaceful protest for months, involving a sit-in along the main supply route. Understandably, then, there is a great deal of support for the closure of Torkham; it is seen as an effort to force NATO and American forces to “respect Pakistan’s sovereignty” (Al Jazeera). If only the situation was that simple. The U.S. makes a sizable (hundreds of millions of dollars) aid contribution to Pakistan each year, military and otherwise. That kind of coin doesn’t change hands without the giver wanting something in return — hence the drone strikes and the use of Pakistani highways. As such, Pakistan cannot shut out the U.S. indefinitely. Moreover, a complete termination of its relationship with the U.S. would inevitably result in “boots on the ground” in Pakistan. For all its cooperation, however, Pakistan has refused (officially, at least) to let U.S. troops inside its borders.

“

That the U.S. has not yet forced the issue — they maintain that the Torkham closure has not yet hindered the war effort — speaks to the tension within Pakistan.

Given that the consensus among Obama’s generals is that al Qaeda has shifted operations to Pakistan, you have to think that the administration would salivate at the chance to launch an invasion of the country. That the U.S. has not yet forced the issue — they maintain that the Torkham closure has not yet hindered the war effort — speaks to the tension within Pakistan. There is worry among analysts, such as Justin Raimondo, that the Taliban will be unimpeded in igniting a full-blown insurgency. If this continues, that worry, compounded with the hardship stemming from the recent flooding

“

Editor-in-chief, Gina Racine editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Advertising & Production Manager, Laurie Tigert-Dumas ads@imprint.uwaterloo.ca General Manager, Catherine Bolger cbolger@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Ad Assistant intern, Eleonora Meszaros Sales Assistant, vacant Systems Admin., Ben Waismark Distribution, Abdul Asmat Distribution, Ali Saeed Volunteer co-ordinator, Michael To Web Developer, vacant

editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

in the region; if the Taliban can offer food and a wage to the displaced, an insurgency will no doubt have traction. With an already-unstable government and a history of political upheaval, both the U.S. and Pakistan need to manage the Torkham situation carefully. Add to the equation the possibility of controlling Pakistan’s nuclear arsenal, and you have a region whose scare-o-meter is well into the red. Somewhere, Kim Jong-Il is wondering just how to show up the competition this time. With files from Antiwar.com, Al Jazeera, and Washington Post

Opinion

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010

How I learned to stop worrying and love Facebook Stephen Kearse

2a classical studies/political science

rom the very first time I saw someone fritter away their time on Facebook, I detested it. I was steadfast in my belief that it was an affront to proper social interaction, and that it would only hasten the already swift decline of people’s social skills evidenced by online chat (MSN, online video games, etc.). Over the past summer, this belief was shattered. Marooned in my comparatively dull hometown of Richmond Hill, I was desperately craving interaction with all the fascinating people I had met in my first year. No one was available, of course, as the price of attending university, for most of us, is a summer spent in toil. At last, then, after four years of devout abstinence, I broke. As soon as I returned to Waterloo, I sought out a good friend who had been begging to create a profile for me during all of last year — and I pressed the red button.That was two weeks ago, although it still hurts a little inside. I have mostly mellowed on the subject, which has been accompanied by a fascinating realization: Facebookwill never die. Never. To be clear, I am quite certain that, at some distant point in the future, Facebook will be supplanted; I have heard too many stories of its persistent privacy issues to believe that there is no one who does not think he/she can make it better. The idea of Facebook, however, is timeless and inexorable. In fact, I think I can prove it – with philosophy. For this, I call Mr. Martin Heidegger to the stand. Anyone who took Grade 12 philosophy in Ontario should vaguely remember him, possibly associated with feelings of bewilderment; those who are fond of Monty Python may know him as a boozy beggar who could think you under the table. In any case, Heidegger was a unique philosopher: out of arrogance or amusement, he considered his ideas to be so complex that he invented his own words to assist in illustrating them. See FACEBOOK, page 8

Teach English Abroad

Community Editorials

Is anorexia healthy?

Igor Muratov 2a economics

here is a popular belief out there that the media’s portrayal of how people should look is harmful to today’s society. Anorexia, bulimia — all these sicknesses are often attributed to the unrealistic portrayal of beauty by the media. Thus, many people conclude that our media is brainwashing our children into starving themselves by introducing them to a body image which is unachievable. However, I strongly believe that what we see on TV is simply a reflection of our definition of outer beauty, not an attempt by some evil network to brainwash and objectify women and men. I will go one step further and argue that the media’s representation of beauty is actually a good thing. Before I start, I think it is important for me to clarify what beauty is. I find a lot of people have difficulty with the word “beautiful.” Many people confuse outer beauty, or physical attraction, with inner beauty, or personality. I would like to point out that my article only talks about the outer beauty and its representation by the media. In our society, it is considered impolite to say that someone is unattractive, thus the proper thing to say is that beauty is in the eye of the

beholder and there is no such thing as ugly. But I find that there is this inherent truth we all feel, that some of us are better looking than others and no matter how impolite it might be, I feel that an inconvenient truth is better than a convenient delusion. I do agree that the media today sets a very high bar for beauty. If you look at music videos and magazine covers, it is easy to see that fat is a big no-no; a girl’s skin should look healthy and her face should be symmetrical. She should have a figure and it is always good if there is as little body hair as possible. For a guy, it is always nice if he is tall and muscular. I think a lot of people might be offended at this point and call me shallow or biased, but all bullshit aside: for all the guys out there, if you had to choose between Jessica Alba or Susan Boyle, who would you choose? For girls, if you had a choice between that Jacob from Twilight and Verne Troyer (best known for his role as Mini-Me in the Austin Powers series), who would you find more attractive (Team Jacob)? It is not the media that defines what beauty is. All the magazine editors and commercial makers do is use our already developed sense of beauty to invoke a positive reaction to whatever they are selling or promoting. It is amazing how many people can argue that the media does not portray what

• Intensive 60-Hour Program • Classroom Management Techniques • Detailed Lesson Planning • ESL Skills Development • Comprehensive Teaching Materials • Interactive Teaching Practicum • Internationally Recognized Certificate • Teacher Placement Service • Money-Back Guarantee Included • Thousands of Satisfied Students

OXFORD SEMINARS 1-800-269-6719/416-924-3240

www.oxfordseminars.ca

our society considers beautiful, at the as the people in the magazines, but same time thinking that the people does it really mean that they have to portrayed are. chase that standard of beauty set by There is one very common criti- the media? I don’t think that anyone cism I hear about my point of view. It has to do anything, but if you ask me, seems that a lot of people think that it is the media’s job to promote a way by defending the way media portrays of life which would bring benefit to beauty I am defending anorexia. the society as a whole. It is up to you But seriously, how often do you see to decide whether you feel that you anorexic people in shampoo or work- look and feel healthy enough, and if out commercials? What about when you do, that’s great and I am not the movies have good looking characters one to tell you otherwise. in them? How about magazines at the But I doubt that anyone can say cash register in the grocery store? I that no one in this world has anything feel that most of you can agree that to improve upon. All the media does the imagery of an 80-pound girl who is present the very best and the very is throwing up her breakfast is not beautiful. So I ask you again, what what the media depicts as beautiful. is wrong with that? If you are comThere is another very important fortable with how you look, then the trademark of beauty that needs to media will not have any influence on be mentioned: health. I think most you; however, I do not agree that people can agree that people who look showing the most beautiful people in beautiful also look healthy. our society is by any means harmful It is true that a lot of those photos to it simply because not many people are photoshopped, but what is the pur- look like that. pose of photoshopping pictures? To So instead of thinking of this high brighten up their skin, to make them bar of beauty as a demoralizer, think look more symmetrical, to outline of it as a motivator to change your their facial features; in other words, life for the better. It is necessary to to make the models look healthier and realize that the media does not put thus more beautiful. Health is what anorexia on a beauty pedestal. It is today’s media depicts as beautiful and also only healthy to remember that we it is a high standard of looking healthy as a society do have at least a general which it promotes. idea of what it means to be attractive, But what about the average person and showing what it is should not be you might ask? There are a lot of viewed in any way as brainwashing people who are not as good looking Papers or harmful. 40Crk_4x7.5_b&w_Sept10_fin_College ad - b&w 30/08/10 3:29 PM Page 1

DISCOVER FORTY CREEK WHISKY Do you have what it takes to be the next Steve Jobs or Oprah Winfrey? Are you...

 Innovative  Determined  Ambitious The Next 36 is looking for 36 undergraduates like you to become Canada’s next generation of entrepreneurial leaders and nation builders.

www.thenext36.ca TESOL/TESL Teacher Training Certification Courses

Rated #1 Tonight,

You Be The

Judge.

Gold Medal

Beverage Testing Institute, Chicago, 2010

Gold Medal

International Whisky Competition, 2010

Distiller of the Year Whisky Magazine, Icons of Whisky Canada, 2008

Pioneer of the Year Award

Malt Advocate Magazine, 2007

Application Deadline: October 17th, 2010

Double Gold Medal San Francisco World Spirits Competition

Gold Medal Winner The World Selection, Brussels

Enjoy Forty Creek Responsibly.

FortyCreekWhisky.com

Opinion

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010

Drive-thru convenience aahadie@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

’m a big fan of drive-thrus. There’s nothing quite like it — you have the convenience of indulging your every whim and desire (except going to the bathroom, that is) all in the comfort of your own front seat and steering wheel. You can do your banking, pack in a lunch, and get your car washed all in one go. That’s convenience culture. If you’re like me, wondering why they haven’t yet invented couches you can both eat and relieve yourself in (and there is a way, by golly, if we were only more creative), then you probably don’t worry about stuff like that. But there’s a certain flavour, a certain magic to it — that moment, where if you can get close enough to that window, door, or opening, and all your dreams come true. You simply hand over your change and you’ve got your morning coffee and muffin. Hell, you don’t even have to park the car to eat it – you can put it on cruise control and enjoy yourself on your merry way. There are, however, certain formalities to be observed. For instance, you have to approach the sign or window at just the right angle. If you get too close, you’ll bang up your rear view mirror. Plus it’s uncomfortable. If you’re too far away, you risk having to get out of the car just to obtain and dispense your parking pass. And that spoils the entire point of the drive-thru.

Seriously, though, it would be nice if we just assigned every driver an extendable crane. The end would be shaped like a hand and basically it would adjust the car and the driver’s proximity to the desired object without the driver having to do any backtracking. It could even grab that cup of coffee for you and save you a scorched hand. But maybe that’s asking too much. So instead we’re left with coffee cup holders and are forced to step out of the vehicle whenever we drop our change. It takes dedication. I love stories of those hardworking, maniacal individuals who, aggravated, decide to vent their rage on the innocent machines themselves. This always only ever happens when things take too long and you feel your jar of stored away, timed convenience being depleted. I’ve been late for lectures because of this. And it gets worse. But hey, I can’t complain. There’s a certain rhythm of regularity to these things that has to be kept up. You either do what the intercom tells you to and speak louder so that your order gets processed, or you must rely on your own wits. There usually aren’t a lot of choices left after that. The one thing I have yet to encounter in my meagre experience are those generous individuals who decide to make their own day, as well as someone else’s, by paying for themselves and the person(s) behind them. You usually hear

about this at border crossings to different towns or states down south – thankfully, we only have a few places here and there like the 407, where it’s necessary to pay a toll just to pass through. And darn those keeners, they’ve even managed to place cameras that snap your license plate, leading them directly to you in case you do somehow manage to escape toll free. Maybe I should be blaming myself for not being more generous. Would you rather pay for a couple people behind you, or tip the person who serves you? Beats me. I figure it’s unnecessary where both are concerned, but I guess if you’ve got time and money, and a little bit of heart, it might be worth it. I’m the type of person who shuts off their engine while waiting for the dick in front of me to scram so I can go about my own business, so I figure I’m probably not the one to start. The drive-thru — it’s transportation turned upside-down, inside out, and made a whole lot more fun. It’s worth taking advantage of. The only thing you lose is what could quite possibly be the even greater pleasure of going inside to do what you need to do. Maybe that’s the whole point of the drive-thru — to give you enough choice so that if you ever do decide to go back and reverberate, it’s because you had it easy. And then it might not be such a bad thing.

FACEBOOK: the need that will never die Continued from page 7

Though greatly simplified for the purposes of high school education, Heidegger is best known for two principal suppositions which deal with the concept of being. His foundation was that, in human interactions, there is no such thing as an individual “being”; the view of “There is me, there is the world, but they are separate entities,” is wholly false. Rather, Heidegger argued that each person is merely a function of their interactions with the rest of the world; it is not possible to “be” without other beings to judge your behaviour or actions. Essentially, it is impossible to be something without others to tell you what that something is.

A simple example: if nobody ever told you what a broom was, you would be unable to recognize one. Thus, because all our understanding is predicated upon interactions with other people, Heidegger declared that each person was Dasein or a “being-in-the-world,” within the world and a product of the world. Building upon this idea, Heidegger then supposed that every bout of anxiety is caused by a momentary lapse in the Dasein. As the anxiety increases, the world makes less and less sense. According to Heidegger, this is when one has the greatest potential for epiphany, which, if achieved, will allow a person to impose their own sense of reality — freed from all constraints of society.

This brings us back to Facebook. Facebook is particularly adept at upholding Dasein by enhancing your social network, adding another layer of interaction, and giving you a profile space which is open to examination and commentary by anyone you know. Its true power, though, lies in its pervasive ability to eliminate social anxiety caused by the passage of time. To be precise, Facebook eliminates the need to perform social cartography. If all relevant social information is at your fingertips, why would you bother to discover these things for yourself through concrete interaction? There is no anxiety in filling the holes because it can be done so easily. Without Facebook, you would need to actually plan a

party and spread the word (God forbid that you should use e-mail or the postal service). Without Facebook, you would need to actually remember discrete information like birthdays, phone numbers, e-mails, and everything else that is lost beneath the rapids of our demanding existence. Without Facebook, all that lost information would mean something because physical and mental effort would have been taken to preserve it. In short, Facebook ensures that, if nobody is here, everybody is there. Thus, entirely by chance, a crazy German philosopher predicted the inevitable and irrevocable scope of your existence. How does that make you feel?

be a part of...

THE HOUSING AND RESIDENCES TEAM! apply today Be a Don or a Front Desk Assistant! Online applications available October 4th - 20th, 2010.

housing.uwaterloo.ca

“

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010 features@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

For many students, investing seems like a daunting task, appropriate only for the richest and/or the savviest of individuals. This can’t be farther from the truth. Prudent investing can start with no more than one month’s rent and can be customized to fit into any time schedule.

Student David Wang reporter

ver the past few decades, the world of financial investing has become one of the main focal points of society. Popular media often portrays a general picture of the economy using snapshots of financial markets, and they have good reasons to do so. The pricing of investments is continuously updated to reflect new information gathered from the economy, and comparing levels of the stock market is an intuitive way of quantifying the implications of often vague economic data, especially for those directly invested in the market. The merits of investing early in one’s life are substantial. Many professions, such as accounting and business administration, are intrinsically linked to financial markets and the knowledge gained from investing is sure to be valuable in these careers. For those whose careers are market-insulated, such as doctors and lawyers, early investing experience can be even more useful, if only to avoid common mistakes that can be devastating to the life savings of someone not attuned with investing through their career. The risks of early investing are often smaller as well, since you will not have much to lose at this stage of life compared to the amount of savings you will need to invest for a house purchase or retirement. For many students, investing seems like a daunting task, appropriate only for the richest and/or the savviest of individuals. This can’t be farther from the truth. Prudent investing can start with no more than one month’s rent and can be customized to fit into any time schedule. In fact, for your first investment you should not invest a large sum because it is likely that you will end up needlessly losing money due to inexperience.

Courtesy Linder6580

Financial To begin, it is best to come up with a realistic investment plan outlining the timing of your first investment and the amount you can set aside. This is especially important because it is often a bad idea to withdraw your investments within a very short time span. Someone close to you, such as a parent, relative, or friend can provide an additional perspective and help you adjust your investment plan for unforeseen issues. Armed with an investment plan, you can now set up your investment account at any discount brokerage such as the Big 5 Banks (RBC, TD, ScotiaBank, BMO, and CIBC) or an online brokerage (Questrade, E-trade, etc.) Opening a brokerage account is free and does not require any initial investment. The investment advisors at your brokerage can also help you choose appropriate investments, although you should beware of potential conflicts of interest due to their commission and fee structures. What kind of investments should you buy? The answer, of course, is heavily dependent on your financial situation. What are your investment goals? When might you need to withdraw from your investments? For your first investing experience, these long-term questions are less important, but the most important thing to keep in mind is that prudent investing requires patience. You should not expect to make money right away. In fact, think of it as a “practical investments” course whose tuition is the sum you’re investing. But if you do well in this course you may end up with a refund much larger than the initial cost.

“

Features

Planning The most basic types of investments are stocks and bonds. Stocks represent ownership of a company and stock investments do well when the company is seen by investors as more profitable than they expected. Bonds are lending contracts written by the borrower in which the lender is entitled to the entire sum back at a specified date in the future, along with some number of periodic interest payments along the way. Because most borrowers prefer to borrow large sums at once it is hard for ordinary investors to buy actual bonds. There are ways for these investors to get exposure to bonds without owning them directly, namely through bond mutual funds and exchange-traded funds (ETFs). Mutual funds and ETFs form a vast topic by themselves, so I will not dive into this interesting area for now. Stocks on the other hand, are very easily owned by investors of all kinds. Publicly-traded stocks have ticker symbols that one can use to quickly look up their current price, historical price movements, and more. To do this, simply search the stock ticker symbol (“RIM” for example) on any finance website such as Google Finance or Yahoo Finance. See STOCKS page 11

Features

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010

A community of many terms

he concept of the “global community” has become a staple of today’s rhetoric. This week alone I’ve seen the term in half a dozen newspaper articles, two advertisements, a slogan printed on the side of a truck, and three scholarly articles—none of which I was specifically looking for. It’s a term, a concept, whose presence and definition we take for granted. But what does “global community” really mean? When we try to define “global community,” the result most often mirrors a concept Marshall McLuhan popularized in the 1960s: the “global village.” McLuhan used this term to describe how technology had contracted the world into a village by enabling instantaneous communication between all corners of the world. While this is a good starting point for defining “global community,” the concept of the “global village” is both outdated and far too specific for the situations in which the concept of “global community” is applied. Concepts from McLuhan’s “global village,” such as the communication powers of technology like the internet, are definitely relevant to a definition of “global community.” To develop a workable definition for a term like “global community,” we have to look at the two foundations of the concept: what makes it a community and what makes it global. This first part of defining the concept of “global community” looks at the term “community.” Defining the community aspect of the concept “global community” seems simple. In its simplest definition, a community is a group of

people with something in common. “Something in common,” however, is an incredibly vague phrase. I have something in common with cats (we’re both mammals) and with snakes (we both breathe), but that doesn’t mean I consider them part of my community. But it’s when we have to specify and elaborate on that “something in common” that the definition becomes more tricky. “Something in common” could mean location, culture, religion, or any number of characteristics. To clarify what we’re talking about when we say “something in common,” we have to find a more in depth definition of community. Any reasonably detailed dictionary will provide this detail and also introduce some problems into defining “community” in the context of the “global community.” Two particular points of the definition from the Oxford English Dictionary stand out as problematic. The first defines community as “the body of people having common or equal rights or rank” and the second defines community as “a body of people who live in the same place, usually sharing a common cultural or ethnic identity.” The first part, where community equals common rights, is problematic because our species has not yet achieved equality between all people. While we do, in general, subscribe to a basic belief in human rights, there are still dramatic differences in rights and ranks around the world. The staggering gap between the richest and poorest members of our species alone demonstrates that equal rights and rank and the stuff of a potential future. Certainly not the present.

The second part — where community generally means a common identity — is equally problematic because it introduces the dilemma of which pieces of your identity define your inclusion or exclusion from a community. On a local scale, I am part of the National University of Singapore community because of my identity as a student. I’m also both a part of the Singaporean community (or at least I consider myself a part of the community) and not a part of the community. I consider myself part of the community because I’m living in Singapore, immersed in the culture, and learning the “insider” practices. At the same time, I’m not a part of the community because I’m visibly foreign, don’t speak any of the three dominant (non-English) tongues, and wasn’t born or raised in the nuances of this community. Does that make me any less a part of the community? It depends on who you ask. One classmate was very clear that exchange students are not part of the Singaporean community because we can’t completely participate in that community unless we were raised in Singapore or at least have spent many years in the country. Another classmate argued that if individuals felt that they were part of a community, then they were. Clearly, defining the term “community” and solidifying how membership in a community is determined is a very complex undertaking, one not simplified by dictionary definitions. Turning to scholarly texts yields equally little help. Theories of community in sociology, psychology, and anthropology present similar difficulties in meshing the term “community” with the broader context.

Traditional definitions, therefore, leave us without a working definition of “community” that we can apply to a global context. Maybe, then, it’s time to throw out the old definitions and create a new one. We have to define community in broad enough terms that we can account for differences of all kinds, from cultural and religious to genetic and geographic. It seems easiest to go back to our general description of “something in common” and redefine that something. The common connection between individuals has to be bigger than language or religion or geography. It has to be about a sense of belonging to an entity that’s bigger than ourselves. An entity that touches every corner of the globe and knows no boundaries. The “community” in “global community” has to be a lot bigger and more flexible than anything that’s been defined before. Whether this community truly exists and whether it does encompass every individual on our planet... that’s a discussion for another day.

Courtesy Spekulator

Here, There, Everywhere Weird and funny news from around the world

The Master of Management of Innovation(MMI), University of Toronto, is

an accelerated 12 month (8 months course based & a 4 month project) professional management degree. Leading researchers in direct contact with students through a very small & selective class size provide a focused learning experience in economic analysis, technology management, strategy, finance, accounting, marketing and policy. The MMI is an excellent complement to your science or engineering degree. Professional & Post-Degree Day Student Life Centre, Great Hall October 21st, 2010 11:00 a.m. – 2:00 p.m.

Come see us at our information booth! www.utm.utoronto.ca/mmi

Julia Peters imprint intern

Florida When you hear about someone getting busted for drug possession you assume that the offender would have hid it somewhere typical, but for Raymond Stanley Roberts this certainly wasn't the case. After being searched by two officers, both a bag of marijuana and a bag of crack cocaine were found between Roberts' butt cheeks. Roberts was initially stopped by Manatee County Police for speeding. However, suspicion arose once the deputies reported smelling marijuana. Deputies also reported that Roberts admitted the marijuana was his but did not admit to possession of cocaine. The Bradenton Herald reports that Roberts was charged with drug possession and was released on bond.

London Catching thieves red-handed via the internet along with potential cash prizes may just seem like an ideal paying situation for some. But for others this is entirely possible thanks to a British monitoring scheme that went live this week. How the process works is that the service hires a team of registered armchair snoopers to watch CCTV footage from stores and venues. Depending on what they catch, the armchair snoopers can also win up to 1000 pounds ($1,600) for their work as well. The process almost immediately received criticism for its “Big Brother” nature. Participants also have an alert button that immediately sends a text message to the shop or venue owner, followed by an image of the potential crime. Although participants may have a feeling of entitlement in their position they have zero control over what footage they view and which venues they must cover. The company expects to have

around 13,500 interested viewers and 3,000 paid members by the end of this month. Whether or not we’re ready for a nation’s surveillance society, it is happening.

Chicago Cincinnati Bengals’ wide receiver Chad Ochocinco had his image posted on cereal boxes in a charitable attempt to raise funds for Feed the Children. Along with a portion of the $5 cereal going to the charity was a hotline number for the public to call. Unfortunately for Ochocinco, the hotline number that was supposed to be for Feed the Children ended up being a sex hotline number. The 800 area code was accidentally replaced with an 888 area code, publicly promoting the given sex hotline. Ochocinco is confident that it was a mistake and that the area code mishap would be resolved by PBL Sports, the marketing company that was behind the entire campaign. In a comedic attempt to encourage his fans to purchase his cereal, Ochocinco tweeted, "Start your day with a lil suga!!!!" - Campaign saved.

New York The Naked Cowboy, a man known for strumming his guitar and posing in pictures with tourists at the New York Time Square has decided to run for president —of the Tea Party that is. While fans may be expecting the Naked Cowboy to present himself nude, during the election period he has suited up and put on a tie. If elected, the Cowboy promises to follow in the footsteps of his predecessors and bring extreme change. He told AOL News that he would "cut the federal workforce by 40 per cent or more," stop the "infiltration" of illegal aliens and restore the sanctity of marriage. — With files from Yahoo News, AOL News and BBC

Features

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010

Stocks: for practical trading Continued from page 9

Once you have your stock picks, you can purchase shares online through your brokerage. There are various options to determine the timing of your purchase. You may want the purchase to be done as quickly as possible, in which case the stocks will trade at the market price at the time of purchase. You may want to buy at a pre-determined price level, say $20 per share, in which case your trade will go through as soon as the stock’s

market price falls below $20. There is a possibility that the stock will not hit $20 for a long time, so your buy order may be quite delayed. Brokerages charge commissions on trading. These can range from $10 per trade to $30 per trade, depending on your choice of brokerage and the trade you’re making. These commissions will eat into your investments so be careful about making avoidable trades. This is the main reason why you should not trade stocks like Pokémon

cards. The more trades you make, the worse off you will be on average. Once your stock purchases go through, you are at liberty to forget about them for short periods of time, or to check on them daily to see how they’re doing. You are bound to experience steep short term losses sometime in the future (40 per cent was lost in the Toronto Stock Exchange during the late 2008 market crash). When you feel overly anxious about your investments you should remember that it’s better to experience small losses

Tips for Trading Stocks

during your “practical investments” course and become more familiar with your investing emotions in the future, than to invest your life savings and panic-sell all of it at the bottom of a market crash. To sum up, the benefits to early investing are far greater than the initial outlay of one-month’s worth of rent, so please go out and try investing. It may not pay off by the end of next month, but the experience you earn over the ensuing months will be invaluable to your future.

Because you trade through brokers who take commissions, you want to avoid any frivolous trading; the more trades you make the more money you lose. You may purchase stocks quickly when they trade at the market price or wait for a pre-determined price level. Remember it’s better to experience loss during this learning stage and become more familiar with your investing emotions.

Recycling for off-campus students Put these in the Blue Box: Plastic containers  empty, rinse; place loose in blue box - look for the recycle symbols

Put these in the Green Bin:  



Newspapers, magazines, books, paper  bag or tie together Boxboard e.g. cereal, tissue, detergent, egg cartons (cardboard)  remove liners; flatten and bag or stuff in one boxboard box

      

Glass food & beverage bottles and jars  empty, rinse; place loose in blue box Food, beverage & other metal cans  empty, rinse; place loose in blue box  empty, dry paint cans only with lids off  empty aerosol cans p Po

Pop cans & aluminum foil  rinse, crumple; place loose in blue box Cardboard boxes  flatten, tie pieces together  maximum size: 75 cm x 75 cm x 20 cm

www.region.waterloo.on.ca/waste

       

 

Plastic grocery & shopping bags  stuff inside one bag, tie shut Milk & juice cartons, juice boxes  remove caps; place loose in blue box  remove & discard straws  empty, flatten; place loose in blue box

Baked goods Butter, margarine, spreads Coffee cups (paper) Cereal Dairy products Coffee, tea Eggs, egg shells Facial tissues Fish, fish parts Fruits and vegetables

Gravy, sauces Rice, pasta Meat, bones, fats Nuts, shells Paper bags Paper plates Paper towels Pet waste (wrapped in paper) Shredded paper Sugar, spices, syrups

Want to get Picked Up? 

All waste must be in a can or in a securely tied garbage bag



Place all waste on the curb, easily accessible from the street



Items should be out by 7 a.m. on garbage day



By-law states that items cannot be out earlier than 7 p.m. the night before garbage day and must be brought in by 9 a.m. the day after The curb must be free of all waste, containers and litter at all other times



Non-compliance can result in fines. By-law No. 02-011



In the winter, please don’t place containers on snow banks

What day is garbage day? Where can I get a free blue box? How do I? Call 519-883-5100

Features

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010

The other

WatCard Dinh Nguyen features editor

our WatCard magnetic stripe is demagnetized and you don't want to trade it in for one of the newer — uglier — WatCards. Lucky for you, there's an alternative: the University of Waterloo Guest Copy Card The University of Waterloo Guest Copy Card has been around for 17 years. Implemented in 1993, the card acts like a non-bus pass, non-library card, disposable WatCard with a flex dollar system. It can be used on photocopy, printing, and vending machines all around campus. The Copy Card can also be "used" at any place that accepts WatCards — but there's a catch. Unlike the WatCard, the Copy Card does not have a student photo or number attached to it. Instead, it has a card number that cannot be used for anything except for administrative purposes. "We started [Copy Card] up for people from Laurier and the general community," said WatCard office manager, John Cunningham. Though there are no policies forbidding businesses to accept the Guest Copy Card as payment, the card may be rejected because there is no student identification on it. Students may find that businesses on campus like Tim Hortons and cafeterias are more likely to accept the Guest Cards than those outside of campus. Though most students are not familiar with the Copy Card, many on-campus businesses have come across them before. In the summer, conference season guests who stay on campus are given a University of Waterloo Guest Card which looks similar and works the same way as the Copy Card does. Like students, guests may

The UW Guest Copy Card is a non-bus pass, non-library, disposable WatCard with a flex dollar system. also use these cards to operate the laundry machines in the residences. While students may want to obtain a Copy Card when they forget their WatCard at home, Cunningham advises against storing large amounts of money on the Copy Card. The reason being, if the card gets lost or stolen, there is no way to track it or retrieve

the money on it. With a WatCard, students have the option of informing the WatCard office. From there they would deactivate the account and give out a new card. The University of Waterloo Guest Copy Card can be obtained at the Dana Porter or Davis Centre library in a change machine-like vending machine. It costs $5 and comes with $4 worth

Ethan Oblak

of credits. The $1 charge is for creating the card. The Copy Card can be reloaded using cash at any place that reloads WatCards. Debit is also accepted at the WatCard office. Students may also transfer money from the Copy Card over to the WatCard if they choose. —dnguyen@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Get the whol e enchilada without spen d all your cabb ing age.

Add social ne

tworking for $ 10/month.

BlackBerry, RIM, Research In Motion and related trademarks, names and logos are the property of Research In Motion Limited and are registered and/or used in the U.S. and countries around the world. All other trademarks are the property of their respective owners.

TVB111012T2_16_Waterloo_Imprint.IMP.indd 1 Process CyanProcess MagentaProcess YellowProcess Black

Bowmanville Mall Bramalea City Centre Burlington Mall Cambridge Centre Centerpoint Mall Conestoga Mall Devonshire Mall Dixie Outlet Mall Downtown Chatham Centre

Dufferin Mall Eastgate Square Erin Mills Town Centre Fairview Mall Fairview Park Mall Georgian Mall Heritage Place Hillcrest Mall Lambton Mall

Lansdowne Place Lime Ridge Mall Lynden Park Mall Mapleview Shopping Centre Markville Shopping Centre Masonville Place New Sudbury Centre Northgate Shopping Centre Oakville Place

Oshawa Centre Pen Centre Pickering Town Centre Scarborough Town Centre Seaway Mall Sherway Gardens Square One Station Mall Stone Road Mall

Tecumseh Mall The Promenade Toronto Eaton Centre Union Station Upper Canada Mall Vaughan Mills White Oaks Mall Woodbine Centre Yorkdale Mall

9/23/10 10:55:37 AM

Science & Technology A BRIEF HISTORY OF PHYSICISTS

The eccentricities of Tycho Brahe

LUKE BOVARD

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010 science@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Ivan Lui staff reporter

Thin carbon discovered

Grapheme, a new material considered to be both the thinnest and strongest in existence, has been discovered by Andre Geim and Konstantin Novoselov of the University of Manchester in England. For this discovery, the two Russianborn scientists are sharing the Nobel Prize for physics. Despite having won the award, however, one of the duo seems eager to move on from the experiments. “I’ve had a bit too much grapheme in my life — I’ve been working on it for seven years now — so we want to explore a little bit away from this area,” Novoselov said in an interview. An official has declared that Novoselov is the youngest physicist to receive the award since the 1970s. The discovery of grapheme was made by extracting material from graphite with tape. When this process of taping has been repeated enough times, grapheme flakes can be collected. This discovery was made about six years ago. This was not Geim’s first award, though. Using a magnetic field to lift a frog into mid-air, Geim was given the “IgNobel Award” from the Annals of Improbable Research in 2000. “I think I’m the first person who won both. I’m very proud of these prizes,” he said. Admittedly, the two discovered this element while fiddling around in a lab. The amazing attributes of this material are that it is both dense and transparent. Its density does not even allow for the smallest gas atoms to pass through it. In addition, grapheme is also able to conduct electricity, almost as well as copper. “It’s a material that has enormous special properties. It’s a big crystal, it is strong — it’s 100 times stronger than steel — and one can stretch it up to 20 per cent,” said Bjorn Jonsson, a physics professor and member of the Nobel committee. Exciting Genes

want to take you way back in the history of modern science, to the last great astronomer who did not use a telescope and did all observation with the human eye alone. This man was Tycho Brahe and is, in my opinion, the most bizarre astronomer to have ever graced this Earth. Tycho did his observations at the end of the 1500s at a time when astronomical observation was still done with the human eye. This led to great discrepancy amongst the published tables of stars that were available at the time. Tycho studied these charts with distaste, quipping that “there are just as many measurements and methods as there are astronomers and all of them disagree.” Tycho built very elaborate observation towers, in order to provide consistent observation conditions which would minimise the effects of error. To give you some reference, Galileo did point his telescope to the skies until about 1609, almost 10 years after Tycho’s death. Tycho Brahe was a man with some bizarre eccentricities. Like all great students, during his university years he got involved in a duel and lost part of his nose. Unfortunately, I have never been able to find the source of this duel, but it did take place at a wedding dance so I’d like to think it was over some bad dancing. Obviously a nose prosthetic was needed and he used a variety of gold and silver as a replacement. Now, to most people, this would make an individual interesting enough, but I think that losing one’s nose in a duel

pales in comparison to some other things Tycho did. My favourite eccentricity of Tycho’s is that he kept a dwarf underneath his dinner table because, for reasons which have been lost to history, he thought it was clairvoyant. As Tycho was a very rich man, he was able to throw very lavish dinner parties. The image of a lavish and expensive dinner party with a dwarf sitting under the table is one of the greatest images in the history of science and I challenge anyone to make an illustration of this. Naturally, one asks, is it possible that you can top a clairvoyant dwarf ? Yes. Yes you can. Tycho used to keep a moose in his residence, for reasons unknown, and proceeded to tame it as a pet. I don’t foresee domesticated moose available as pets anytime soon, despite this being Canada. But a moose in a house isn’t that absurd, how could it possibly top the dwarf beneath the table? Well, the manner in which this moose died is rather tragic. One night, it got very drunk on beer, fell down some stairs, and died. The death of Tycho himself is not immune to an amusing anecdote; Tycho had been invited to a lavish party and had a bit too much to drink. In those days, it was considered impolite to excuse oneself from the table to go to the bathroom, so Tycho had to hold it in until after dinner. After dinner he was unable to relieve himself and died a few days later from kidney failure. If you ever need to convince someone that you need to stop and go to the bathroom, mention this little story

and hopefully they’ll pull over tout de suite. Back in those days, scientific data was kept under lock and key and shown to very few people out of fear for it being stolen before it could be published. Unfortunately this is exactly what happened to Tycho after his death. His assistant was the astronomer Johannes Kepler. Kepler derived, from very careful study of Tycho’s data, his three laws. To illustrate how impressive the data Tycho collected was, consider Kepler’s First Law: the orbit of every planet is an ellipse with the sun at one of the two foci. Eccentricity is the measure of how “elliptical” an ellipse is. A circle is an ellipse with no eccentricity. The Earth has an eccentricity of .02 so it’s very close to being a circle. The other planets known at the time have similar eccentricities, with the exception being Mercury. Despite having plots of the orbits that are within a few per cent of a circle, Kepler noticed that these orbits were ellipses and not experimental error. All thanks to the keen eye of Tycho. In the history of science there is a process, called Stigler’s law, which states “no scientific discovery is named after its original discoverer.” The original discoverer typically falls into obscurity and is largely forgotten by scientists. Fortunately, history has remembered the contributions and antics of Tycho Brahe, despite being overshadowed by his assistant Kepler. Had Tycho faded into obscurity, the world would never have known about the effects of alcohol on moose.

A new study suggests that dopamine, a chemical in the brain, can cause one to have the urge to do exciting things. The study, released in Psychological Science found that genes analyzed within the dopamine system can predict whether one has a tendency to seek thrills. “Not everyone who’s high on sensation-seeking becomes a drug addict. They may become an Army Ranger or an artist. It’s all in how you channel it,” said Jaime Derringer, a Ph.D student at the University of Minnesota and the first author of the study. To find this, Derringer used a mutation called single-nucleotide polymorphism, or SNP. Changing the DNA to SNP only requires a single “letter” edit in the genetic code. To do this, she found eight other genes with other roles that are related to dopamine. A sample of 635 people, all with some form of addiction, was used for the studies. After studying the genetic workings of these individuals, 273 SNPs were identified in those eight genes and a score was used for how much they were inclined to sensation-seeking. Using these scores, the SNPs were narrowed down to 12. It may be too soon to use this discovery as a way to test addicts for possible effects, Derringer hopes that it will eventually lead to testing that could help the scientific community. “One of the things we think is most exciting about this isn’t necessarily the story about dopamine and sensationseeking,” said Derringer. “It’s rather the method that we’re using. We used a sample of 635 people, which is extremely small, and we were still able to detect a significant effect. That’s actually quite rare in these studies.” Light drink okay for babies

Despite official reports that say women should remain sober at all times during pregnancy, a new study may prove otherwise. Over 11,000 five-year-olds that have been studied showed that there was no harm done to the baby while the mother drank lightly. This was published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health. The mother’s that drank heavily though, had children that would develop emotional problems. A team of scientists from University College London (UCL), including three other UK universities, has said when the mother consumes alcohol, it goes through the placenta and reaches the baby. At this point, the child is not yet developed to handle the alcohol. Due to this, heavy drinking may have a large effect on the growing foetus. Light drinking, however, has yet to yield negative results. To promote this idea of light drinking during pregnancy, the UCL has followed the children into grade school. In their findings: children who had mothers consume light amount of alcohol per week suffered less behavioural problems, and scored higher on cognitive tests, compared with women who stopped drinking during pregnancy. “There’s now a growing body of robust evidence that there is no increase in developmental difficulties associated with light drinking during pregnancy,” said Dr. Yvonne Kelly, from UCL. There have been retorts from the non-scientific community however. Chris Sorek, the chief executive of alcohol awareness organization Drinkaware, has said otherwise about drinking during pregnancy. “Despite these findings, it is important to remember that ‘light drinking’ can mean different things to different people,” Sorek said. “There is a risk that if pregnant women take this research as a green light to drink a small amount, they could become complacent, drink more than they think they are and inadvertently cause harm to their unborn child. Excessive drinking during pregnancy can carry serious consequences and lifelong damage to children and should be avoided.” —With files from BBC, Science Daily, and Reuters. ilui@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Science & Technology

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010

The Waterloo campus

What the students are saying:

cell service struggle

Miranda Sollychin 3a psychology Provider: Rogers “I haven’t had any problems.”

Jason Iaconis 4a physics Provider: Bell “I haven’t had any problems...I’m not using a HSPA phone.”

Joelle Goudie 2a peace and conflict studies Provider: Telus “I recently got my phone. I don’t call very often, but texting has been slow.”

majuratan sadagopan

Jennifer Nguyen asst. science & technology editor

ver wonder why cell phone reception is particularly bad in certain buildings at school? Maybe it’s because of your cell phone provider. For the past month, Bell and Telus customers have been experiencing difficulties making calls in and around campus. 3G+ users with a high speed packet access [HSPA] mobile device have been complaining that they weren’t able to complete their calls, despite having a full cell signal. Other times, phones simply indicated “no service.” “I never thought Bell would have problems with their towers in a tech savvy area like Waterloo. There have been many times where I missed calls from family and friends and some of my calls don’t even get through. It’s pretty frustrating when you’re paying for these services,” said second year arts student, Lisa Shen. For those unfamiliar with HSPA, it is a new mobile protocol recently introduced by Bell and

other mobile providers to improve the transmission of data to and from mobile devices. This applies to the newer smartphones, such as the iPhone 4 and BlackBerry Torch–phones with high data consumption. The problems with cell phone coverage were noticed the first week of classes, when the vast majority of staff and students were backon campus for the start of term. Normally, the return of students to campus does not cause a decrease in cell phone coverage. However, enrolment numbers are higher this year when compared to previous years. What’s more, a larger percentage of students carry smartphones now that activities such as social networking have become more popular. With the high influx of smartphone users, network usage has sky-rocketed in the past month, placing heavy demands on the system, which Bell’s and Telus’ cell phone tower can’t currently support (both companies share a cell tower near the university.) To add to the problem, the area is also a test site for Research in Motion, further increasing data traffic.

Weak cell coverage isn’t restricted to just the Waterloo campus. In a memo released by Telus, it has been identified that the issue affects other campuses in London, Hamilton, and Guelph. To remedy the problem, Telus is launching a three phase initiative. Phase 1: Upgrade existing cell towers for better connectivity. (This has been completed.) Phase 2: Increase the network capacity of existing towers to allow more users on the network. This is expected to be completed for the University of Waterloo area by Oct. 8. Phase 3: More cell towers will be built around the campus for improved network performance. This is expected to be completed early next year. A customer representative from Telus also suggests that all users, even those using a regular phone, update their roaming list, if they haven’t already to take advantage of the new cell towers. For more information on how to do this, please call your service provider. As of press time, Bell has not released a formal statement regarding the issue. A representative at Bell’s customer support centre did say they

are aware of the problem and are currently investigating it. For now, Bell isrecording customers’ information and hoping to get back to them as soon as possible. At UW, poor cell phone coverage is nothing new. Cell phone users, smartphone or otherwise, have experienced poor coverage in certain buildings, regardless of their provider. “Cellular signals are partially blocked by certain [building] materials, concrete is one of them,” explained Bill Baer, director of information systems at Housing Services. “Also, metallic-tinted glass as in E5 and MKV is an obstacle.” “Unfortunately, most new buildings have poor cellular coverage; the same building techniques that conserve heat and shelter from the sun also reduce cell phone signals,” Baer said. A proposed solution to this problem is to install a distributed antenna system (DAS) on campus. A DAS can split network signals from a cell tower and send them to several strategically placed antennas across campus. This can greatly improve connectivity by providing consistent and

reliable coverage, but with less power. While no Canadian university has a DAS implemented, many universities in the U.S. already have them installed after much pressure from U.S. carriers. For instance, the high demand for wireless service by students at Texas A&M University saw the school install a series of DASs on campus to improve coverage. Baer reports that Housing Services and IST are also beginning work on a DAS test pilot for Mackenzie King Village this summer. “The solution will enhance cellular services for staff and students [using GSM, CDMA, HSPA and iDEN],” cites the Housing and Residences website. Users on all service providers will be able to take advantage of the technology. In the meantime, users having technical difficulties with their mobile devices are encouraged to phone their service provider to report the problem. –With files from The Gazette, Campus Technology, and Housing and Residences. science@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Ariel Tsang 1a mathematics/chartered accounting

Provider: Bell “I haven’t had cell service on campus at all, no calls or texting. The only place I had service was on the fringes of campus.” Photos by Ethan Oblak

Artwork Deadline: Sep 24, 2010

Campus Bulletin UPCOMING EVENTS October 2010 Rotunda Gallery presents “Forlorn Factories: Found Beauty in Kitchener’s Industrial Landscapes” by Brian Douglas from October 1 to 31. Reception October 7 from 5 to 7 p.m. For more info 519-741-3400, ext. 3381. Wednesday, October 13, 2010 WANTED: Donors – “We’ve Got You Covered,” United Way and UW fundraiser, is needing winter coats and jackets in good, clean condition, by October 13. You can drop off at HH 3152 or DWE 2513K or call ext. 38120 or ext 35618 for more info. Sunday, October 17, 2010 “Expression and Vision – A Fall Exhibition” at Homer Watson House & Gallery at 1754 Old Mill Road, Kitchener. Reception from 2 to 4 p.m. For more info 519-748-4377. Nota Bene Period Orchestra: “The Grand Tour,” 3 pm at the Registry Theatre, Kitchener. For info/tickets, visit www.nbpo.com or call 519-745-6565.

Monday, October 18, 2010 WANTED: Buyers – shoppers for United Way and UW “We’ve Got You Covered” fundraiser used coat and jacket sale, Multi Purpose Room, SLC, from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. today and October 20. Adult to children sizes. Cash only. For more info call ext. 38120 or ext. 35618. heARTS for Pakistan - a silent art auction and fundraiser for the flood survivors held at the Gladstone Hotel, Toronto. For more information, visit www. hearts4pakistan.com Canadian Federation of University Women, KW, presents “Where Everybody Knows Your Name” at 7:30 p.m.. For more info www.cfuwkw.org or 519740-5249. New members welcome! Tuesday, October 19, 2010 Desire2Learn Info Session and Open House from 5:30 to 7:00 pm, 151 Charles St. West, Suite 400. RSVP: InfoNight@Desire2Learn.com Saturday, October 23, 2010 “An Evening For Matangwe” – join us for an evening of dancing, steel drums,

food, silent auction, etc at the Kitchener Portuguese Club. For more info www.caringpartners.com. Sunday, October 24, 2010 Homer Watson House & Gallery presents: Halloween Family Fun Day at Homer’s Haunted House. Families are invited from 1 to 4 pm to try out their costumes, carve pumpkins, and participate in spooky activities! For admission and registration information, visit www.homerwatson.on.ca November 2010 ACCKWA’s Online Charity Auction from November 1 to 9 on ebay.ca or ebay.com – search “acckwa”. Great items just in time for the holidays! For more info call Colleen at 519-5703687, ext 334.

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Nominations are requested for the following undergraduate student seats on Senate: Environment Seat - one student elected by/from the full-time undergraduate students in the Faculty of Environment, term to April 30, 2012. At-large seat - one student elected from/by the full-time undergraduate students, term to April 30, 2011. The nomination form is at: www.secretariat. uwaterloo.ca/elections/ugnomform. pdf. At least five nominators are required in each case. Completed nomination forms should be submitted to the Chief Returning Officer, Secretariat, NH 3060, no later than 4:30 pm, Friday, October 15, 2010. By-elections will follow if necessary. Information about Senate, including its committee/ councils is at: www.adm.uwaterloo.ca/ infosec/governance/senate.htm.

ONGOING

mydifference

Graduate

ProGrams LookING for a ComPetItIve edGe? NC’s one-year graduate programs will set you apart from the rest. Practical experience provided by these programs will give you specialized skills, build your portfolio and help you to make all-important contacts in your field. At NC, it’s all about Student Success — your success. • • • • • • • • • • • • •

advanced Care Paramedic advanced Lasers early Childhood education–resource teacher ecosystem restoration environmental management and assessment event management Professional Chef management Geographic Information systems–Geospatial management Hospitality and tourism management Human resources management International Business management Public relations Wine Business management

We’re oN CamPus

university of Waterloo,

Tuesdays CNIB Lions Low Vision Clinic - conducted to provide an opportunity for CNIB services and support, and access scheduled appointments with a CNIB Specialist. 9 am - 4 pm, 181 King St. S., Waterloo. For more info, visit www. cnib.ca.

VOLUNTEERING

Volunteer with a child at their school and help improve their self-esteem and confidence. Call Canadian Mental Health at 519-744-7645, ext. 229. City of Waterloo has volunteer opportunities. For info call 519-8886478 or www.waterloo.ca/volunteer. The Distress Centre needs volunteers to provide confidential, supportive listening on our crisis and distress lines. Complete training provided. Call 519-744-7645, ext. 300. Volunteer Action Centre, 519-7428610 / volunteer@volunteerkw.ca, for

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010 ads@imprint.uwaterloo.ca all your volunteering needs! Volunteers needed – The English Tutor program is in constant need of volunteers to tutor international students. Volunteering is an essential part of student life at UW. Apply online at www.iso.uwaterloo.ca. Volunteer required to rebuild website for Kitchener International Children’s Games Chapter. Call 519-886-6918 and leave message or respond to icgkitchener@hotmail.com.

UPTOWN WATERLOO BIA EVENTS 2010 Saturday, October 9 – 29th Annual Pancake Breakfast Saturday, October 9 – 32nd Annual Great Oktoberfest Barrel Race Monday, October 11 – Thanksgiving Day Parade November 2010 – UpTown Waterloo BIA Annual General Meeting November 4-6 – UpTown Waterloo Treasure Hunt Saturday, November 20 – Santa Claus Parade November 2010 – Holiday Open House December 2010 – FREE Horse Drawn Trolley Rides December 2010 – Victorian Carolers For more information about the above events call 519-885-1921 or email uptownwaterloobia@waterloo.ca or www. uptownwaterloobia.com.

UW RECREATION EVENTS

Wednesday, October 13: Balance Disorders, Dizziness and Vertigo, NH1116, 12 noon with speaker Gaettanne Aggerholm, Registered Physiotherapist; please register. Sunday, October 17: “Hike at Schneiders Woods, near Erbsville” from 2 to 4 pm. No dogs or baby buggies please. Wednesday, November 24: Feng Shui Discussion Group, MC 5136, 12 noon – all welcome. Sunday, November 28: “Peter Pan Pantomime” at St. Jacobs Country Playhouse. UWRC Book Club, Wednesdays at 12 noon in LIB 407 - all welcome! October 20: “Eat Pray Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert ; November 17: “To Kill A Mockingbird” by Harper Lee ; December 21: “The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society” by Shaffer and Barrows. Movie ticket discounts available from Empire Theatre, Galaxy, Princess. For more info for all the above email schatten@uwaterloo.ca or uwrc@uwaterloo. ca.

REP MANAGER/COACH WANTED FOR 2011 BASEBALL SEASON The Waterloo Minor Baseball Association is looking for coaching applicants for a ‘AAA’ Minor Tyke baseball team of players, aged 10 years old.

COACHING APPLICATIONS DUE OCTOBER 30, 2010 Applications are available online: www.waterloobaseball.ca

Please email or send to: Janet Dupuis Waterloo Minor Baseball Association c/o Albert McCormick Arena 500 Parkside Drive, Waterloo, ON N2L 5J4 wmba244@rogers.com

Wed. october 20th

11:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m.

Wilfred Laurier university, fri. october 22th

11:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m.

APPLIED DREAMS. NiagaraCollege.ca/graduate 905.735.2211 ext. 7784 #1 IN STUDENT SATISFACTION FOR SIX CONSECUTIVE YEARS

WATERLOO MINOR BASEBALL ASSOCIATION

For further information, call WMBA at 519-888-0244, 7 to 9 pm.

CAREER SERVICES WORKSHOPS

October 12, 2010 Law School Applications: 1 to 2 pm, TC 1208. Successfully Negotiating Job Offers: This workshop is geared toward graduating students. 2:30 - 3:30 pm, TC 1112. Networking 101: Since the activities in this workshop build on the material presented in the online Work Search module of the Career Development eManual, you will need to complete the online module at cdm.uwaterloo. ca before registering for this workshop. 4:30 - 6:00 pm, TC 1208. October 13, 2010 Interested in an Academic Career? Successfully plan for PhD career opportunities. 12:00 - 1:30 pm, TC 2218. Work Search Strategies: Since the activities in this workshop build on material presented in the online Work Search module of the Career Development eManual, you will need to complete the online module at cdm. uwaterloo.ca before registering for this workshop. 2:30 - 4:00 pm, TC 1112. Working Effectively in Another Culture: Explore culture and intercultural communication in the work environment. This workshop is geared toward students who will go abroad for work or international students who want to work in Canada. 3:00 - 4:30 pm, TC 1208. October 14, 2010 Success on the Job: Learn how to polish your professional image. 4:30 - 5:30 pm, TC 1208. October 19, 2010 Business Etiquette and Professionalism: Learn proper dining etiquette, appropriate interview behaviour, employer receptions, and other networking activities. 2:30 - 3:30 pm, TC 1208. October 20, 2010 Professional School & Post Degree Days: Representatives from Canadian and international universities/colleges will provide information to assist you in planning further education. 11 am to 2 pm, SLC Great Hall.

SERVICES

Does your thesis or major paper need a fresh pair of eyes to catch English spelling and grammar errors? Thesis English editing. Five business day turnaround. Neal Moogk-Soulis, ncmoogks@uwaterloo.ca.

STUDENT AWARDS & FINANCIAL AID

Go to safa.uwaterloo.ca for a full listing of scholarships and awards.

Classified LOST

$250 reward for the return of my watch. Lost Thursday, September 9 in or around Environment 1. Watch is metal with my name “Jeff” on the back. Huge sentimental value. Please email me at jcasello@uwaterloo.ca.

HELP WANTED

Weekend counsellors and relief staff to work in homes for individuals with developmental challenges. Minimum eight-month commitment. Paid positions. Send resume to Human Resources, K-W Habilitation Services, 108 Sydney Street, Kitchener, ON, N2G 3V2. Security door staff: Immediate part time weekend positions for experienced security/door staff with calm demeanor. Resume in person: The Flying Dog or e-mail to info@revolutionnightclub.com. Bartender: Personable bartenders to deliver guest first service, minimum 1 year full service bar experience. Friday, Saturday nights. Resume in person: The Flying Dog or e-mail to info@ revolutionnightclub.com.

Arts & Entertainment

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010 arts@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

A display in Titanic: The Artifact Exhibition listing the number of crews that were lost at sea on the madien voyage of RMS Titanic. The exhibition is hosted by The Museum in Kitchener and features 150 artifacts recovered from the Titanic in recent years.

Titanic: The Artifact Exhibition embarks upon The Museum Renisa Phadkar reporter

onfession time: I’m no history buff, and my only knowledge of the Titanic was acquired through watching the classic 1997 film. After taking in Titanic: The Artifact Exhibition at The Museum in Kitchener, I gained for myself a glimpse inside the ship’s doomed first voyage via a showcase of 150 artifacts retrieved from the ocean floor where the sunken ship rests. Upon my arrival at the exhibition, I was immediately transported to the early 1900s with classical music playing in the background. The first quarter of the exhibit provided important background information, specifically relating to the history and structure of the ship. The sections to follow introduced the people who would breathe life into these otherwise meaningless details and artifacts. The second quarter of the exhibit provided insight into what life aboard the ship would have been like for first class passengers. At the entrance of this section stood an opulent red room with furs and silk linens, staged so that it indeed looked as if it was home to a wealthy couple living in the early 1900s. Making my way through the third quarter of the exhibit, it was clear to me the distinction that existed between the rich and the poor during this time. This section was dedicated to the people who would

have been living in the third class portion of the ship - needless to say, their experience aboard the Titanic was much more humble in comparison to the extravagance I had just seen in the first-class section. Everything from the decor of the rooms to the menu to the plates was much simpler - even the bathroom tiles. The artifacts that most caught my eye were older versions of everyday items: money, a celluloid toothbrush, a brass shaving stick canister; a shaving brush made out of badger and boar bristles; a toothpaste jar, and a Gillette razor blade wrapper. Something I found quite amusing was called- get ready for it- the “Poop- Deck,” an outdoor deck where third-class passengers could get fresh air. The last quarter of the exhibit was, in my opinion, the most well done. Entering this section, I was no longer greeted with the classical music I had now grown accustomed to, but instead, sounds of gushing water and muffled sirens were prominent in the background. Here, there was information provided about how exactly the ship sank as well as testimonials from survivors. What was most touching were the profiles of people who were passengers on the ship. Some of their personal belongings, such as postcards, jewelry, and perfumes, were on display. I learnt about people of all ages, all of whom

Photos by ETHAN OBLAK

Three of the numerous artifacts in display at the exhibition. A photo of the Titanic sinking can be seen in the background. had different reasons to travel to New York: the ultimate destination of the Titanic. Some were aboard the ship to rejoin loved ones in the States, while others wanted to make a better life for themselves or their family, overseas. To think that 1,523 people were lost, out of the 2,228 total passengers aboard is simply staggering.

The overall atmosphere at the exhibit was one of quiet admiration- admiration for the sheer majesty of the Titanic, admiration for the remarkable artifacts that have been preserved so well for all of these years, but most of all, admiration for all the people who kept their strength through such a difficult ordeal. For me, personally,

this was an opportunity to learn about an historic event in a fun and engaging way. So, if you’re up for the adventure of a lifetime and want to be “the King of the World!” for a day, come aboard Titanic: The Artifact Exhibition at the Children’s Museum. Visit: www. thechildrensmuseum.ca/titanic/ for more details.

INSIDE THIS SECTION: Love Without Reason on stage drama P18 - Book Review: Gleek P19 Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps and Easy A Reviews P20

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010

All You Can Eat 100 Different Varieties 10% OFF Sun & Mon FREE BIRTHDAY CAKE FOR PARTY...call for details coupon expires 12/31/10 450 King St.E. KITCHENER 519.584.2341

UPCOMING EVENTS oct

10 oct

13 oct

F#CKTOBERFEST WITH DJ 88 AND MATICS

80’S DANCE PARTY

WHITE COWBELL

OKLAHOMA

STEVE EARLE

SOLO AND ACOUSTIC

WINTERSLEEP 26 YOUNG GALAXY oct

19 oct

oct

27 nov

nov

24 nov

25 dec

dec

Jon Grieman

Love Without Reason The University of Waterloo Chinese Drama Club presented “Love Without Reason” at the Humanities Theatre on Oct. 4. The play focuses on four females searching for the definition of love when four men enter into their lives. The picture above features actors Lisa Cheung, Michelle Wong, Stephanie Lam, Jade Chan, Wilson Tran, and Hoyt Lui doing a scene.

C’MON SHOUT OUT OUT OUT OUT

Games and Values arts@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

ROYAL WOOD E JASON COLLETT AT THE JANE BOND

TICKETS ONLY AVAILABLE AT THE ORANGE MONKEY

ACE KINKAID LUKE DOUCET AND THE WHITE FALCON

RA RA RIOT

ELECTRIC SIX

CLUB NIGHTS

MONDAYS MONDAYS INDUSTRY NO COVER WITH INDUSTRY PAY STUB GOOD MUSIC THURSDAYS THEWHATOTHER YOU WON’T HEAR ANYWHERE ELSE

FRIDAYS

BEHIND THE MILK WITH DJ CHARLESS FUNK • DISCO • SOUL • HOUSE • MORE.

WARMING SATURDAYS GLOBAL DJ’S FROYO•88•JOSH•MORE TICKETS ON SALE AT: ORANGE MONKEY, ENCORE RECORDS AND AT TICKETWEB.CA THE STARLIGHT

WWW.JANEBOND.CA

47 KING ST. N. WATERLOO

519.885.4970

veryone that reads this paper can probably understand my plight: I’m a university student who has to pay tuition, rent, books, and all that goodness just so I can continue life somewhere down the road. What that means is that every time I buy a game, I have to make sure that the game is worth the $60 that I’m shelling out for. Sometimes, I regret it, sometimes, I don’t. So this week, I’m going to give you some advice on how you can find some quality games that will last you until the next grant comes in. Reading Reviews

It may be tough to sit through sometimes two to three pages of review, I know, I get that, but this can really save you money. Often times, sites such as IGN will give you some “Editor’s Picks.” You can never go wrong with this. I personally like IGN because they offer a small table at the end of their reviews. Within that table, there’s a slot for something called “Replay Value” and it usually gives you a look at how long you can play the game after finishing it for the first time. As much as that may help though, reading through the reviews will definitely give you an idea of how things work in the game, giving you that extra sense of “I do want this” when you go shopping. Use Used Unlike your next partner, a used copy of your games probably won’t hurt. See, everyone has this notion that they need to buy new games in order to have the best games. If that was true, then old games would magically disappear without anyone lifting a finger. Sometimes used games may be as low as 70 per cent off when you buy

courtesy of T3 Mag

Sites like ign.com may provide you with valuable reviews that can help you save money when buying games. them. The catch? They’re old and probably outdated. It’s something that you have to deal with when you buy used games. If you’re choosing to buy games that are closer to the release date, however, the discount would probably run only at about 10 per cent. These games are alright to use, and probably will last you a lifetime if you like the games. Give them a try, and thank me when you save that $30. Friend’s Favoured Word of mouth is usually the best for finding good games. If someone recommends it, it’s probably worth getting. Just always remember to ask them, “how long did you play for before you got bored,” or maybe ask them what you can do in the game. If you can trust your friends, you can probably trust in their game taste; just make sure that he or she shares some taste for the games you like, which leads me to the next point. Good Game When looking for games that you can play for hours on end, make sure you get a genre of game that you like. This point is very

important. My friends tell me that boxing games on the PlayStation 3 are amazing, but I never got into them. I know I can set one famous boxer against another for hours on end without stopping, but I simply never got into it. Hours of fun wasted because I can’t enjoy those games. I know how obvious that sounded, but if you don’t enjoy driving around Grand Theft Auto for hours smashing people into bits, then you probably won’t find those infinite hours of free roaming very valuable. Sweet Savings Aside from all the advice above, don’t hesitate to use coupons. I personally have used coupons several times at a Wal-Mart (or something related to those “super stores”) in order to save another 10 or even 20 per cent on a game. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, for Pete’s sake. Those companies make more than you and I will ever do in a single life time. Go ahead, print some coupons off and use them, there’s no harm really. We all know that you, now the smarter and richer consumer, will game better and feel better with that heavy wallet.

Book Review

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010

Arts & Entertainment

with fun and interesting information added on that pertains to each of the actors, characters, or the music. While it sounds fun, I question whether this much detail is really required. It’s written as almost a replacement for watching the actual show and if you haven’t seen the show, why are you reading the book? The added information shows that the writers of this book have clearly put the time into digging up some serious dirt and showing some interesting connections, and some of it is highly impressive. However, occasionally I felt that they were a little too zealous. While I appreciate the funny connections and references to the modern Broadway gods, I really don’t need a paragraph on the life and times of Kelly Rowland after the character Mercedes says, “I’m Beyoncé, I ain’t no Kelly Rowland!” It’s a quote, not a request for a biography. All in all, this is a fun read and if you really want all the dirt, it will definitely satisfy that craving. They’ve pulled out all the stops. Interviews with cast members, notes on the dances, information about the music itself, a synopsis of each and every episode from the first season. I now know more than I thought I ever would about this show and will dominate in any game of Glee Trivial Pursuit. Happy reading!

Don’t Stop Believin’: The Unofficial Guide to Glee Erin Balser and Suzanne Gardner ECW Press

isiting the Imprint office, my Glee-obsessed brain picked out the signature colours of Glee amidst a pile of newspapers and random CDs. Imagine my surprise when I discovered it to be the book Don’t Stop Believin’: The Unofficial Guide to Glee by Erin Balser and Suzanne Gardner. At first look, this book reads like a very long and slightly boring Wikipedia article. I’ll be honest, I tend to expect a lot from the books I pick, whether it be a graphic novel or something by the Bronte sisters. I want that feeling of not being able to put it down or turn away because it’s so good. This book didn’t really live up to my expectations, but then, the bar was set pretty high. The book begins with a history of how Glee got its feet under it and how it began to pick up speed. It then goes on to give background of each of the main actors and actresses that form the face of this show. Ask any of my friends, I’m a diehard Glee fan, but it took more than the first couple of pages to keep me interested. By the time I got to the actual purpose of the book, I was beginning to lose patience. The body of this book is a breakdown of each episode

COURTESY OF ECW PRESS

- Jessica Pellow

Arts & Entertainment

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010

Movie Reviews

Music Review

Easy A Will Gluck Screen Gems

he best two minutes and thirty seconds of any movie can be seen in the promotional trailer. I’m talking about the tempting glimpses of plot, impressive graphics, witty one-liners, and the undeniable chemistry between the lead actress and actor. The trailer for Easy A is definitely a winning one, with great comedic timing and Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face” blasting in the background – but those two minutes and thirty seconds in no way epitomizes this movie’s worth. It barely even scratches the surface. The premise of the story is a simple one:our main character, Olive Penderghast (played by the lovely Emma Stone), gets thrown into the middle of her small town’s rumour mill because of one little white lie. Fine, so she didn’t actually sleep with the cute community college guy, it wasn’t like anyone else was going to find out. She only needed to get her friend to shut up for a second. But the wrong person overhears the wrong comment and before Olive knows it, she’s being labelled an adulterer by the other girls at school. Olive isn’t the one to take things lying down. In a fit of justifiable anger, she wholeheartedly embraces the label that’s been put upon her. Her wardrobe suddenly holds short skirts and sexy corsets, all emblazoned with a bright red A. She ends up starting

COURTESY OF BOYS NOIZE

Boys Noize Power BoysNoize Records

A COURTESY OF DAILY NEWS

a profitable business. For a small fee, Olive willingly helps down-on-theirluck guys build a reputation by spreading more rumours, ‘confirming’ that why yes, she really did hook up with them and boy, was it worth it. If Mean Girls had a lovechild with Juno and Sixteen Candles, Easy A would be the result. It has clever, satirical humour with a smidgeon of darkness that seamlessly blends with the eccentric personalities of the characters. Olive in particular is a refreshing change in the world of

female protagonists in high school drama-comedies: she’s intelligent, independent, consistently kind-hearted, easy going, and has a gorgeous smile. The fact that Emma Stone is quite the actress and dives headfirst into her role and is responsible for a significant part of the charm, as Olive is as appealing as she is believable. There is original and endlessly hilarious dialogue – particularly within the odd but loving home of the liberal Penderghast family – throughout the film, moments of consequences and

self-reflection. Even as the lies surrounding Olive grows quickly out of control and the movie heads in a more serious direction, the dry humour and Olive’s unrelenting spirit never loses its place. With solid acting, countless references to ‘80s movies, and quick wit present in all of its one hour and thirty-two minutes, Easy A makes you wonder why it’s so hard to find decent comedy when this one does everything so effortlessly. - Fabiha Nuzhat

lexander Ridha, also known as Boys Noize, is a Hamburg-born electronic producer and DJ, who recently released Power, his new album recorded in Toronto. After successfully launching his career as a DJ, he furthered his career by establishing his own label called Boys Noize Records in 2005. Through this label, he supports various artists such as Siriusmo, Housemeister, Shadow Dancer, Djedjotronic, Strip Steve, and D.I.M. Power is filled with tracks that are dripping with creative electronics. “Nerve,” in particular, was toned down and experimental but still quite strong. With drops of water, it proceeds into progressive electronic beats and sound bytes of crickets. It is far different from anything else that you find on the CD but it is easily one of the most creative. Another brilliant track is “Starter,” which I consider to be the strongest track on the entire album. It holds a very effective tension where it is needed and hits you with a fast-pace beat that you can’t help but move to. Ridha wisely alters the sound, enough to keep you moving and maintain your interest, but remembers to cycle through the original beat. Boys Noize has clearly had experience in drawing thousands of people into a club solely on talent and touches a very broad variety of genres. Power as an album on its own, is musically enticing and lives up to the name that Alexander Ridha created. I would not hesitate to recommend this to a music enthusiast of any kind. - Julia Peters

COURTESY OF CBC

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps Oliver Stone 20th Century Fox

n the words of Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas): “Money is a gal that never sleeps […] and she’s jealous.” Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, directed by Oliver Stone, gives us mortals a sneak peek into the cold-hearted, mythical world of Wall Street. Returning for its sequel since Wall Street (1987) the story takes a more realistic turn as it takes place during the historic market meltdown of 2008, a reallife event rather than a theatrical fiction. With the right combination

of complex plot, great cast, and an amazingly well developed setting, the film promises to keep money fans on the edge of their seats. Jake Moore (Shia LaBeouf) is a young star in the world of stocks and currently works for his mentor, Louis Zabel (Frank Langella) in a large and successful corporation. Life seems to be “as good as it gets” for Jake: he is getting the best pay of his life, has a relationship that is better than ever, and hopes to break into a great business opportunity. But the history of business is full of bubbles, and Jake’s happens to pop — big time. The market crash brings along the crumbling downfall of everything and everyone who brought Jake into this world and, as Zabel says, the question is no

longer “are we going under?” but rather, “who isn’t?” In a sea of changes, we see how Jake tries to keep up his career while tying up some loose ends and juggling it all with his life with Winnie (fiancée, played by Carey Mulligan). But to an apprentice with no mentor comes along Gordon Gekko, Winnie’s father and celebrity in Wall Street until his imprisonment in the late 1980s. As seen in the first Wall Street, Gekko has extraordinary abilities to handle the market and flow in it, and only one thing drives him: greed. But after spending so much time in jail his name doesn’t mean anything anymore, and he faces the cruel reality that business has little memory for those who lead it. Realizing his new situation, Gekko

is willing to trade Jake a piece of financial advice for a shot back in his daughter’s life. Trades, bubbles, money, rumours, vengeance all play their part in Jakes’ journey towards understanding the infinite sides of his coin. The story unfolds in a mixture of love, drama, and, to some, a business lecture. It also brings interesting déjà vu moments from its 1987 precedent, Stone incorporating original characters like Bud Fox (Charlie Sheen) in the present plot. “A fisherman sees another fisherman from afar,” says Gekko, and in this case we really have to keep an eye up for who the fishermen are and perhaps most importantly, what waters they fish on. What is truly enticing about Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps is there is

not a single moment in which one can quite figure out what is going on, which gives a pleasant sense of realism, since neither in business nor with people can we predict what the next move will be. So boiling it down to its core, what is this movie really about? It seems not even the characters agree. “This isn’t about money, it’s about you and me,” says Winnie. “It’s about doing the right thing,” says Jake. Gekko says “It’s about the game.” I think it’s all about rumours, influences, and speculation. Who is right? That is for you to determine, but what remains an unquestionable fact is Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps is an absolute must this fall. - Carla Valerio

Sports & Living

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010 sports@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

OUA team of the month I

Courtesy Carla Munch

The women’s golf team has had a stellar season thus far, dominating the OUA circuit as they’ve had five first place finishes as a team. They were awarded for their great play by being named Pizza Pizza OUA team of the month. Namish Modi asst sports & living

aterloo’s women’s golf team hasn’t been good, they’ve been outstanding. They were named the Pizza Pizza OUA team of the month for their amazing month of September. “It’s so nice to see these athletes accomplishments being recognized at that level,” said coach Carla Munch. “To be honest, I don’t really think it has settled in yet,” said rookie Devon Rizzo. “I never expected anything like this to happen. Since it is my first year I didn’t really know what to expect for myself and the team.” Waterloo took home gold at both events at the Western Invitational. Rizzo won the gold in the first event shooting a OUA women’s record two under, round of 70 shots. Tiffany Terrier picked up gold in the second event.

“This season we gained three new talented rookies who have narrowed the team’s handicap range. Also, every shot counts on the course and as a result our team has a ‘keep grinding’ motto,” Terrier said of the team’s success. “Sometimes it can come down to a mere two shots per person to be the difference between first and second. No one on our team gives up, regardless of how badly they may be playing that day.” “I think the strength in our program is that all the players contribute. All of the girls have had their scores count at tournaments toward the team score,” said Munch. The Warriors also won gold in the UW/ WLU Invitational over the weekend. Rizzo once again led the way with the individual title, Terrier came second, 11 strokes back. The Guelph Invitational was no different as once again as the Warriors took home gold with Rizzo winning the individual title.

“The strengths in my game have really been my putting and driving. Over the past few weeks I have been hitting my driver very well; getting myself into good position off the tee and in a position to score,” said Rizzo. Rizzo and Terrier will look to continue their dominance at the OUA Championships at Angus Glen Golf Course in Toronto on October 18 and 19. “I need to personally improve on the accuracy of my approach shots to give myself more birdie opportunities,” said Terrier. “The team in general needs to improve on recovery shots. This will lower our scores on average and is especially helpful when playing new courses.” “I think the biggest thing we have to concentrate on as a team the next few weeks is the mental side of the game and staying focused while on the golf course,” said Munch.

Games of the week: Friday, October 8

sports@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

the best games in town

Women’s rugby vs Laurier at 4 p.m. on the CIF grounds

Saturday, October 9 Women’s soccer vs Western at 1 p.m. on the CIF grounds Men’s soccer vs Western at 3:15 p.m. on the CIF grounds

Sunday, October 10 Men’s soccer vs Windsor at 1:15 p.m. on the CIF grounds

s there any sport besides football where a team can be nationally projected (almost to the point of consensus) to win their division, and in the end, come in last place? It doesn’t happen in baseball, hockey, or basketball, but the NFL is like a guy who drank a bottle of whiskey: you really never know what you’re going to get. For example, I am a 49ers fan. I became a 49ers fan when I was young, foolishly following quarterback Jeff Garcia from the CFL to the NFL, and declaring my love for San Fran. Unfortunately for me, the Garcia and Terrell Owens era ended swiftly, and I was left with a team that has consistently lost more than Charles Barkley at a craps table. It’s been embarrassing. We haven’t had a winning season since 2002. Last year we went 8–8 and this was generally seen as something worth celebrating. We’ve been the Will Ferrell of NFL franchises — good at a one point, but surviving mainly on past memories now. And this is why I was a little bit excited when all the NFL gurus were pointing to our team as division champs this year. I ignored the fact that many followed these statements with explanations like, “the division is so horrible, someone has to win it” and “the 49ers may win just eight or nine games, but in the NFC West, that’ll probably be more than enough.” I was like a boy confronted by a beautiful girl with major emotional issues — sure, when you break up with her you may get stabbed while you sleep, but I mean, you’re still excited. This whole ignoring-complex I developed (from losing so damned often) turned out to be something of a bad decision. The 49ers, much to the shock of me along with all the so-called NFL experts, have self-combusted. Barely before the regular season had started, running back Glen Coffee decided that he’d much rather go down the path of holiness and become a priest than play for our team. Coach Mike Singletary, who looks more overwhelmed than Octo-mom, called out the team when anonymous players leaked to the press that there were issues within the team. Then it became known that there were internal battles for power amongst the coaching staff. Then our big free-agent pickup of a couple years ago, safety Michael Lewis, decides he doesn’t want to play for the 49ers anymore (signifying this by apparently just not coming to practices games). Oh, and we fired our offensive co-ordinator somewhere in there. Yet, with all this going on, 49ers fans are still treated to a confused Singletary attempting to explain why the team is 4–0. Uh, Mike, maybe it’s because the whole “team” thing really isn’t working for you. I could sit here and complain for another 1,000 words, but I won’t. Here’s what the 49ers should do. They should get rid of quarterback Alex Smith, first and foremost. Smith is literally the football equivalent Jekyl and Hyde. Some days he’s brilliant, and some days he makes you seriously consider taking a staple gun to your head. They need to fire coach Singletary too. In the NFL, a head coach needs to be able to fix one side of the ball at the very least. So, for instance, if the New York Jets start slipping, Rex Ryan can step in and get more involved in the defense (even though he’s quite involved) and right the ship. What exactly can Singletary do? Have a discussion with the linebackers? Take off his pants again in the locker room? Singletary was a great player, but he’s an average coach at best. They need to start running Frank Gore 20+ times a game. They need to get the ball in Michael Crabtree’s hands more. The 49ers may right the ship and win the division. After all, it’s looking as though seven wins might do the trick. But the simple fact remains, you can’t win in the NFL without a good head coach and a strong quarterback. I really hope 49ers management starts to realize neither of theirs are very good, because that staple gun, well, it’s starting to look awfully enticing. jtoporowski@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

22 Sports & Living Waterloo to face Western: Namish Modi asst sports & living

Sports Editorial

arriors head to OUA final four for matchup with the Western Mustangs. The Warriors needed some help from the Mustangs, and they got it. Waterloo dropped two close games at Brock over the weekend, which removed their fate from their hands. They had to wait for the result between Western and Guelph on Monday. The Mustangs defeated the Guelph Gryphons in both games and knocked them out of playoff contention. Waterloo finished in fourth position with a record of 7–7, good for a semi final matchup with the top seeded and 11–3 Mustangs. Waterloo shortstop Mike Glinka cited some keys to beating the top seeded Mustangs. “Play well defensively and slow down their running game. Western is always built on speed and fundamentals. In our first series of the season, they stole upwards of 10–12 bases on us and bunted all day. If we can control their baserunners and take the outs when they give them to us, we’ll be in a good spot to win,” said Glinka. Waterloo lost both games on Saturday by a score of 7–6. In the first game, the Warriors stormed out of the gate with an early 4–1 lead. However, they committed four errors in a sloppy fifth inning and allowed five runs. “Our pitching gave us a chance to win against Brock but we made some errors in the field and weren’t able to get some timely hits,” said outfielder Chris Ryan. Anthony Douris started the game for the Warriors. Douris went 4 and 2/3 innings, allowing six runs(two earned) on six hits.

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010

Warriors looking to avenge two game season sweep

Ryan lead the Warriors with two hits and three RBI’s. Thomas Biskup had two hits and two RBI’s. Glinka and Jason Diniz Wood chipped in with two hits each. Brock’s Matt Kissel had a big game with four hits and one RBI. Garrett Fisher chipped in with three hits and two RBI’s, while Justin Tamane had one hit and three RBI’s. The second game was a similar story for the Warriors. Waterloo started with a 2–0 lead, but allowed seven runs in the fourth inning. “We actually played pretty well, but got burned in both games by the big inning,” said Glinka. “We made a couple sloppy plays defensively and they capitalized on our errors with timely hitting.” The Warriors attempted a comeback in the seventh and final inning with four runs, falling one run short. Waterloo starting pitcher Adam Lentz took the loss as he allowed four runs and three hits over three innings. Glinka led the Warriors with three hits and three RBI’s. Ryan had three hits and two runs. “Our defense let us down, we made seven errors in two games,” said Coach Brian Bishop. This left the Warriors with a 7–7 record and needing help from Western on Monday. “ I kept an eye on the OUA website throughout Monday night waiting for the results to be posted,” said Ryan. Western defeated Guelph in both games on Monday by scores of 5–4 and 3–1 which gave them the top seed in the OUA. Waterloo will face Western in the semi–final game this Friday at Labatt Field in London. Coach Bishop has not decided on the starting pitcher, but said that he will stick with a similar lineup from the regular season. “We’re ready and fired up to make a run at the championship,” said Glinka.

brent golem

Fifth year Warriors shortstop Mike Glinka (16) played well in the double header against Brock with five hits, two runs, and two RBI’s.

Waterloo (7-7) Runs for: 69 Runs against: 55

Top hitter:.400-Chris Ryan TOP RBI: 11-Thomas Biskup

Western (11–3) Runs for: 68 Runs against: 39

Top Hitter:.364- Shawn Robinson Top RBI: 8- Paul Lytwynec

Baseball has big image problem Andrew Arevalo reporter

aseball’s problem is not an attendance problem. With the NFL well underway, it’s an image problem. I was watching ESPN Sports Center last week and the highlights came on. It’s very easy to watch MLB highlights in September and laugh. “God, the stadiums are empty, nobody cares about baseball.” But Cincinnati was at Milwaukee, and 30,000 people showed up to the game . It’s a Monday night during the school year, and the Brewers have been out of the pennant race for two months now. Outside of a Joey Votto, there aren’t too many household names in the game. Shouldn’t we be astonished that 30,000 people showed up to a Monday night game in Milwaukee? That’s unbelievable. The next morning, I checked out the MLB standings and reviewed the box scores. Kansas City was at Detroit, a banner_ad_v6.qxd 10/5/10 11:46 AM rather Page 1watch dreadful matchup. I would

paint dry for four hours ... 24,000 fans reached the stadium. This was in spite of a bad economy in Detroit where tickets aren’t cheap, and both teams are out of the playoff race. The Los Angeles Angels hosted the Texas Rangers. Los Angeles is out of the playoff race, there were still 41,000 fans. The Marlins hosted the Cardinals in South Florida and the attendance was 21,000. Keep in mind of other available activities in south Florida, and its fantastic climate. White Sox’s at the A’s, 10,000, laugh. Would you go to an A’s game on a Monday night in Oakland, while school is well underway and in this economy? But what has happened — it’s much easier let’s be honest here to fill a football stadium. One game a week, a lot of urgency, teams can stay or look like they are in a playoff race much longer. In baseball, disparity and payroll...you can be out of a playoff race and there is still threefourth months left in a season. Relative to the NFL, baseball looks weak, listless

and passionless. But I was thinking about this, that on any given Monday in U.S. or Canada, with mostly un-interesting games on and the playoffs nearly set, 600,000 people on average go to baseball games every night in this economy. But here is baseball’s problem. There is this theory I have: it’s called the “Crowded Bar” theory. Twelve people in a big bar, looks dead. Twelve people in a small bar... it’s the place to be. Baseball has an image problem. If the sport had stadiums mostly the size of Wrigley Field and Fenway Park, you’d be like “Man, you have to go to the game tonight, that place is a party. “ Who doesn’t want to go a big party? It is interesting because baseball feels dead, yet by looking at the attendance figures from last Monday for all these terrible matchups involving teams with no pennant race and no star players, you’d be surprised. The problem with the MLB is that it’s television image is dreadful. Listen, I have news for you. The Buffalo Bills are

soon going to have 20,000 empty seats. But the NFL’s image is “every stadium is full.” Don’t forget this, when you watch the Oscar’s, it looks like there are 3,000 people in attendance, when in fact there really is about 340. Image — be it at bars, restaurants, or stadiums change the way we think about venues and think about sports. Baseball does not have an attendance problem, oh it’s down a little, but the NFL is going to be down as well. Baseball has got a horrible image problem. Never forget how important staging is. If Lindsay Lohan is starring in a new movie, she looks hot. As soon as she gets busted, she looks like Nick Nolte. Cindy Crawford in the wrong lighting in the National Inquirer, looks like an old hag. Cindy Crawford in an infomercial, the best-looking human being you’ve ever seen. There are a lot of different ways to stage things, and lots of images for the same things and I would argue baseball is doing fine in terms of attendance, but it’s image in compared to the NFL is simply awful.

ATHLETES OF THE WEEK PRESENTS...

THIS WEEK IN

ATHLETICS AND RECREATION OCTOBER 8

OCTOBER 9

(W) RUGBY

FIELD HOCKEY

VS WLU 4:00 PM

VS YORK 10:00 AM

OCTOBER 9 VS WESTERN (W) 1:00 PM, (M) 3:15 PM

CIF FIELDS

VS GUELPH 3:00 PM ST. DAVIDS HIGH SCHOOL

OCTOBER 10 VS WINDSOR (W) 1:00 PM, (M) 3:15 PM

(M)(W) SOCCER

CIF FIELDS

KRISTEN

CHRIS

WOMEN’S CROSS COUNTRY

MEN’S BASEBALL

FLANAGAN RYAN

Sports & Living

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010

Old dogs versus young guns

Brent Golem

Waterloo solidified their standing this weekend with a 12–10 win against Toronto. The women are the ninth ranked squad nationally. Ron Kielstra Jr. staff reporter

Rugby It was an up-and-down weekend for the Warriors’ rugby teams this past weekend. The women’s team solidified their national ranking status by beating the University of Toronto Varsity Blues on Friday night, in the first game played at Toronto’s new Varsity Centre. The men’s team, on the other hand, dropped a tough decision to the Brock Badgers on Saturday, to fall to 2-2-1 on the season. The Varsity Blues came out of the gate strong against the Warriors on Friday night, with LeeAnn Corrigan running in a try from 50-yards out in the opening minutes of the game. Waterloo responded quickly, however, with first-year centre Emily Sanderson marking her first try of the season shortly afterwards. Captain Sam Eyles would score another try as the Warriors took a 12-5 lead into the half. The Blues would rally in the second half to pull the score to 12-10, but a missed Toronto penalty in the final seconds allowed Waterloo to walk away with a narrow victory. The Warriors moved to 3-1 on the season and will face the winless Laurier Golden Hawks in a cross-town rivalry match on Oct. 8. The Warriors’ men’s team traveled to St. Catharines to face the undefeated Brock Badgers on Saturday, in front of a crowd of over 500. The Warriors were coming off of a hard-fought tie against Guelph, and failed to muster much of a fight, falling 29-5. Georgetown’s Alexander Stanwyck scored the only try for a Waterloo that will travel to Western for Thanksgiving weekend matchup this Friday.

Soccer Waterloo’s soccer teams traveled down the 401 for match-ups against the Western Mustangs and Windsor Lancers on the weekend. It was a trip the Warriors are fortunate not have to repeat, as the teams managed a tie and three losses between them. The Warriors started the weekend as guests at Windsor’s homecoming celebrations on Saturday. The Lancers were anything but gracious hosts, however, beating the Warriors’ women’s team by a 2-0 score and holding the men’s team scoreless in a 0-0 draw. The lone bright spot for Waterloo was the continued strong play of men’s keeper Rob McMillan, who posted his fourth shutout of the season. The news didn’t get any better on Sunday, as the Warriors dropped both games at Western. McMillan turned in another strong performance, making several key saves to keep the men’s team in the game, but Waterloo couldn’t overcome an early goal by the undefeated Mustangs. The Warrior’s women’s team, on the other hand, never really got into the game, losing 7-0. The weekend dropped Waterloo’s men’s and women’s teams into fifth and seventh place, respectively, in the OUA West. The Warriors will need to have short memories, as they will play Western at home this Saturday before also playing host to Windsor on Sunday.

Tennis The Waterloo Warrior tennis team finished up its regular season with a successful weekend, splitting a match-up with the York Lions on Saturday before sweeping the McMaster Marauders on Sunday. In men’s action, the Warriors started the weekend against a York line-up that was missing several of the key pieces from last year’s OUA champion squad. Waterloo took full advantage, winning the match-up 5-2 on the strength of wins from each of their top four singles players. Vincent Chan continued his strong season, winning his doubles match-up before dropping only one set on his way to a 6-0, 6-1 win. The strong weekend continued for the men’s team against McMaster, with a perfect 7-0 win on Sunday. The Warriors played a different line-up than the day before, but only had two games go to a third set as Alex Sahu and Aaron Au both managed to close out third-set tiebreaks. The Warrior women had a less auspicious beginning to their weekend, dropping a 5-2 decision that was never really in doubt. York took all three doubles matches, and both Waterloo points came from singles matches, as Alison Drainie and Lindsay Munch eked out three-set wins. The black and gold would rally on Sunday, however, to squeeze out a 4-3 decision against McMaster. Waterloo swept the doubles matches this time around, and Brittany Sinclair, Courtney Winter, and Alejandra Garavito took their singles matches to secure the win. The Warriors’ post-season match-ups will begin on Oct. 15-17 when they head to the team Championships at the University of Western Ontario. The winning teams from that competition will earn a berth in the Nationals at the Rexall Centre during the Rogers Cup next summer. rkielstra@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

ethan oblak

BLAST FROM THE PAST: The Warriors men’s basketball team had their first taste of competition against their former teammates. It was basketball alumni versus the current Warrior squad and to no surprise, the young, trained athletes pulled out the win.

Sports & Living

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010

Warriors’ golf team continues NFL insanity more intriguing to dominate season then MLB pennant races

“

jsmith@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

“

Your quarterback is getting pummeled, your offensive line is like a sieve; how about calling some plays that will slow down the defense? Try some draws, screens or pitches.

here is something to be said for a team that can win in a variety of ways. The New England Patriots, however, took that to a whole new level last Monday as they embarrassed the Miami Dolphins in prime time. The Pats outplayed the Dolphins by such a wide margin on special teams that Miami fired their special teams coach, John Bonamego. There was probably more to this than what shows up on the surface but it still seems like a rash decision. In an MLB season devoid of exciting divisional races down the stretch, credit the San Diego Padres for at least making it interesting in the NL West. The Padres came in to their final three game series with the San Francisco Giants three games behind those same Giants, and two games back of the Atlanta Braves for the National League wild card berth. After winning the first two games, San Diego finally succumbed to a superior Giants team and ultimately missed the playoffs. At least they showed some spirit in doing so. Jay Cutler will be lucky to play again this season after the nine first half sacks he took against the New York Giants last week. It is very easy to blame the offensive line, and rightfully so, they were terrible, but doesn’t some of the blame have to be assessed on head coach Lovie Smith? Your quarterback is getting pummeled, your offensive line is like a sieve; how about calling some plays that will slow down the defense? Try some draws, screens or pitches.

Something productive that won’t expose your quarterback. Is there a better two minutes in sports than the Monday Night Football theme song? First Down...

The worst thing the Raptors can do now is outplay somebody (New Jersey) and lose that top slot. The annual parade of people trying to stamp the shootout from the NHL is back in full swing. It’s not replacing the actual game, it just gives an exciting finish to two very evenly matched teams. Would you rather see a game go seven overtime periods or go one overtime and then finish with a shootout? The only other option is to end in a tie, and there is nothing worse in professional sports than a tie game, hear that soccer fans?

Jason Heyward and Buster Posey are seemingly neck and neck in the race for National League Rookie of the Year. Seemingly. That’s if you only take into account their offensive contributions. Posey is the runaway winner when you include the fact that he handled one of the major’s best pitching staffs down the stretch and played such a premium position. Please respect how hard it is to be a major league catcher, vote Posey. Speaking of awards, how hard is it going to be for voters to ignore the aesthetically pleasing totals of Jose Bautista when they vote for MVP? In no way does Bautista deserve the award but it’s hard to argue against 54 homers, eclipsing the field, while posting an on base percentage around .400. When you factor in defense Bautista is still a good candidate (he plays a mean third base and an even nastier right field), but Josh Hamilton still has to be the frontrunner.

A negative tip of the cap to TSN for shifting Around the Horn to TSN2 and replacing it with Off the Record. Nothing against Michael Landsberg but there is more going on in the world than hockey, and OTR does not provide much variety... A huge hat tip to Sportsnet for broadcasting the final regular season game between San Francisco and San Diego. It was definitely a playoff atmosphere for the entire nine innings and made for some great spectating. Hat tip for recognizing the demand was there. Is there a better three minutes in sports than Chris Bermans’ fastest three minutes?

Seventh Inning Stretch...

Shout out of the Week:

Breaking news, the Toronto Raptors will indeed be fielding a team this year. Probably a smart move; finish in the basement and hopefully nab a franchise player from atop the pile.

A well deserved shout out to the Lady Warriors Golf Team who captured the coveted Pizza Pizza OUA team of the month honours for September.

Overtime...

University of Ottawa

Study Law in the National Capital Obtain a uOttawa JD degree in either English or French with a concentration in • •

Social Justice International Law

• •

Law and Technology Environmental Law

Or take advantage of our many joint programs,* including • • • • •

JD/LLL (National Program) with uOttawa’s Civil Law Section JD/LLL (Programme de droit canadien) with uOttawa’s Civil Law Section JD/MBA with uOttawa’s Telfer School of Management Canadian & American Dual JD with Michigan State University College of Law or with American University Washington College of Law JD/MA with Carleton University’s Norman Paterson School of International Affairs

Courtesy Carla Munch

Rookie Devon Rizzo has had a phenomenal season thus far. She won three individual titles, and was key in helping the team be named OUA team of the month. Namish Modi asst sports & living

he Warriors women’s golf team continued their dominance at the UW/WLU Invitational and the Guelph Invitational. Waterloo won their third straight team gold medal and has won first place in every OUA competition in which they have participated. The team shot 466 as a team over two rounds of play beating second place Queens by 29 strokes. Toronto finished third. Rookie Devon Rizzo continued her amazing season, winning her second individual title of the season. She scored a 145, one over par. Tiffany Terrier finished second in the tournament with a combined score of 156. Waterloo’s men’s golf team also won the UW/WLU Invitational on the weekend. The Warriors shot 593 as a team over two rounds. Guelph finished second with a score of 596, while Queens took third with a score of 608. Waterloo was led by Captain Garrett Rank who shot a combined 139, good for the individual title. Russell Bowie of Queens shot 141 for second place, while Chris Hemmerich of Guelph shot a 146 for third place. The dominance didn’t stop at home. Both the women’s and men’s golf teams won the gold medal at the Guelph Invitational on Monday held at Cutten Golf Course.

LSAT MCAT GMAT GRE Preparation Seminars • Complete 30-Hour Seminars • Convenient Weekend Schedule • Proven Test-Taking Strategies • Experienced Course Instructors • Comprehensive Study Materials

*You may be eligible for financial aid through the HENNICK LEADERSHIP PROGRAM.

We also offer LLM and PhD programs. Application deadline: November 1, 2010

• Simulated Practice Exams • Limited Class Size • Free Repeat Policy • Personal Tutoring Available • Thousands of Satisfied Students

For more information:

www.commonlaw.uOttawa.ca

OXFORD SEMINARS 1-800-269-6719 416-924-3240 www.oxfordseminars.ca

The women continued their winning streak with their fourth straight first place finish. The team finished with a score of 238, which gave them an 11-stroke victory over second place Queens. Western finished third with a score of 260. Rizzo won the individual title with a two over 73, and came very close to hitting a hole in one. Terrier and Carly Peister each shot 82, while Jane Tang shot 83 and Mandy Wong shot 83. The men were just as good. Western and Waterloo each shot 293 with their four top scorers. Waterloo scored the victory as their fifth member had a lower score then Western’s. Guelph finished third with a score of 300. There were eight teams competing in the tournament. Warrior’s Adam Wilson finished tied for third with a score of 71, for even par. Bowie Abbis-Mills shot 73, while Rank shot a 74. Brandon Pearce shot 75 and Jean-Samuel Rancourt and rounded out the foursome by shooting a 77. The men are having an incredible season having won two gold, two bronze and a silver medal, leading the league with 15 points, two better than the Western Mustangs. Rank is tied in first place for league all start points and Wilson is fourth. Rank has won two gold over this season and Wilson has one gold and a bronze. sports@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Sports & Living

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010

Warrior Wrap-up Women’s Soccer

Men’s Soccer OUA West Division Teams

PTS

Western

Teams

York

Laurier

McMaster

Windsor

Waterloo

Western

Windsor

Brock

UOIT

Guelph

Women’s Rugby

Men’s Rugby OUA

OUA West Division

OUA Shiels Division

Teams

PTS

McMaster

Western

Brock

Queens

Waterloo

Brock

Guelph

York

Toronto

Waterloo

Laurier

Guelph

Teams

PTS

Guelph

Waterloo

Brock

Western

Laurier

Interested in learning more about Graduate Studies at Guelph?

CHANGING LIVES IMPROVING LIFE

Graduate Studies Preview Day CHANGING LIVES IMPROVING L IFE

CHANGING LIVES IMPROVING L IFE

Meet with faculty, staff, and students to learn more about Guelph’s graduate programs, research opportunities, admissions process, scholarships and campus.

Saturday, October 23rd 10am-1pm University Centre at the University of Guelph Graduate students at Guelph are empowered to think critically, explore new ideas and apply what they have learned to improve life in Canada and around the world. Choose from over 90 graduate programs Work with faculty who have received over $100 million in external financial support Conduct research in world-class facilities Live in one of Canada’s best cities (Money Sense Magazine) Graduate studies can be fully financed by scholarships, awards and other funding Master’s or Doctoral graduates can earn up to 50% more income than graduates with a Bachelor’s degree

www.uoguelph.ca/graduatestudies

Comics & Distractions

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010

Jordano Tonial ruins his own party

SUNSHINE ANIMAL Marta Borowska imprint staff

acking the shades of the ordinary toucan, the Toco Toucan comes across as a very elegant parrot. Toco’s are painted mostly black with white patches of feathers around the bib of the beak. The average seven inch beak is smacked with a red to yellow pigment, differing from the normal toucan whose beak contains more colours of the rainbow. A bundle of red feathers are positioned on

the underside of their tails, giving them that zest of colour we would normally expect from this type of bird. Originating in the continent of South America, they mainly eat fruits, but occasionally allow themselves to indulge in birds nest eggs, lizards, and insects. While they typically have high-pitched voices, they make an interesting noise, similar to a giggling child. A frog-like noise is also classified as one of their less harmonious sounds. It seems that the beak that

emits these sounds must be very heavy, so it is surprising to know that it actually has a hollow structure. However, due to its length and size, toucans often resort to hopping as their main method of transportation. Although lighter than imagined, it does have some drawbacks. At the end of the day when it comes time to rest, toucans usually sleep in groups of five or six in the hollows of trees. Their amazing head mobility allows them to tuck their heads away under their feathers and enjoy a dark nights sleep.

sophie côté

The Toco Toucan Ramphastos spends all of her time playing the national jungle game for toucans; upside-down lacrosse. She organizes weekly massages for other toucans due to the high amount of back problems among the species. As an owner of an elongated sharp beak, she has had trouble mating, and has been charged before for accidentally biting off an important part of a fellow’s anatomy.

ecause, my friends and I were incredibly nerdy, we didn’t start drinking until Grade 12. Unlike normal people most of our high school weekends included activities such as: • Latin Scrabble • Reading parties (in our defence, we mostly only had these when the new Harry Potter came out) • LAN parties • House parties (just 4 guys in a basement watching House) • A number of dice-related games Anyway, in the summer between Grade 11 and 12, I went to a boarding school in Italy, and because drinking laws in Italy are ‘Patrons under the age of 12 may not be served hard alcohol in large cities,’ I got drunk and had girls vomit on me for the first time in my life (more on that later). So when I returned for Grade 12, I was ready to show everyone in my nerdy group just how fucking cool I was because I was gonna throw a party, and I was gonna bring boozahol. Because I’m unbelievably paranoid (like the Jonas Brothers), I decided that on the most complicated fucking plan to hide alcohol at my house. The next time we went on vacation, and we stayed at a hotel, I went floor to floor, stealing the mini-shampoo, conditioner, and moisturizer bottles from the maid’s carts (sadly, it’s not the first time I’ve stolen from illegal immigrants.) I then emptied out all the bottles and filled them with various types of alcohol. I threw the party on my 17th birthday, letting everyone know that I was bringing alcohol. Once everyone got settled in, and we were finished watching ‘Mean Girls’ (I wish I was joking), I broke out the 50or so mini shampoo bottles that I had filled up with booze I had stole from my parents. I had rinsed out all the bottles before hand, but actually washing the

inside of the bottle was impossible because they all were so small. Everyone began drinking, and because no one had ever tasted hard alcohol before, no one noticed that all the vodka tasted a lot like soap. Everyone just assumed that’s what vodka tasted like. No one wanted to seem like they were uncool and had never had it before, so no one complained. The problem was everyone had been drinking soap all night, and if you’ve ever drunken soap before, you’ll know that it upsets your stomach. Anyway long story short, people threw up. Like, a lot. Also, I should mention that because there was only one toilet in the basement and 15 or so teenagers vomiting in this vicinity, there wasn’t enough room to accommodate everyone (OK, so 15 is a pretty blatant exaggeration here, as there is no way I could’ve gotten 15 ‘friends’ to come to my 17th birthday party.) I didn’t want my parents becoming fully alerted to the chaos that was taking place downstairs, so I just started directing people to wherever there were places with easy access to plumbing: the shower, laundry buckets, the sink, extra carboard boxes, and even the cat’s litter box (which actually ended up being the easiest to clean up.) My parents did eventually hear the retching and because we were vomiting all over their basement, they naturally assumed we were all hammered, and they were genuinely surprised “You all didn’t seem drunk at all, I just spoke to Peter upstairs five minutes ago, and he was very polite and wasn’t slurring his words at all, and now he’s violently vomiting in my washing machine. What the hell is going on?” The lesson here? Don’t drink soap. But quite frankly, if you need a humourous prose to teach you that, you probably can’t read anyway so, whatever.

remy choo (distractions@imprint.uwaterloo.ca)

To Imprint’s clever, creative cruciverb, Your voluptuous vocabulary vivifies my vapid existence. Each week I wait, worked into a wicked state of wanting, pendulously pacing until I can procure your puzzle in the paper. But alas, last Friday as I fervently flipped through the features in a frenzy, I found something fearsomely frightful... wrongfully waiting in your weekly spot was a wretched repeat! Oh, the betrayal! Mike, have mercy on this maltreated mope and make new masterpieces to allay my anguish; wreak your word wisdom upon the world. Sincerely, A sad student, showily shirking studying Missed any connections lately? Got any ideas, gripes, or randomly entertaining thoughts? Send them (with utmost affection) to:

distractions@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Comics & Distractions

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010

crossword Across 1. *Versatile crop 5. Rock-steady precursor 8. Respond 13. Arch shape 14. *Bottle stopper 16. American writer Greg 17. “...pretty maids all in ___” 18. Seventh month of Hindu calendar 19. Democratic Republic of Congo, formerly 20. It’s often chosen 23. *Pig meat 24. *Jut out 25. Sobbing aids 27. Entirely 30. Declare 31. Art students’ bane 32. *Shampoo brand 33. Andrea Bargnani’s grp. 36. Movie music (abbr.) 37. Rips 39. James ___ Jones 40. Letter after sigma 41. *Part of R.I.P. 42. Country bordering Lebanon, Turkey and Iraq 43. Fashion model/actress Gabrielle 44. Chooses 45. Rabbit ears 48. *Iron oxide 49. *Slang for cocain 50. Leaders 55. Surname deriving from Edgar 57. Great lake 58. Confederate General Robert 59. Earth, in sci-fi shows 60. *Post-twilight 61. Pitch

By Mike Kiovusalo 62. East England county 63. Large body 64. *Outer coating of 1-across

45. “Win ___ With Tad Hamilton!” 46. David and Venus, e.g. 47. Old Russian rulers

Down 1. Combustible rock 2. Shrek was one 3. Certain properties (abbr.) 4. Orwellian language 5. Childrens’ author and illustrator Richard 6. American fiddler Kenny 7. Alcohol-Related Injury and Violence 8. Frasier Crane’s producer, for short 9. Pass 10. Notable alphabet subset 11. Espionage novelist John le ___ 12. Hard journeys 15. One with many needles 21. Of a snake-like fish 22. Those who prevaricate 26. Process of converting audio to text (abbr.) 27. The middle word in the word ladder formed by the 10 starred clues 28. American nutrition grp. 29. Alphabetical run 30. Sudden outpouring 33. Informant, slangily 34. One from the U.K. 35. Exclamation of resignation 37. Young adults 38. Fled 39. Canines 41. Stimpy’s pal 42. Slash, sans vowel 43. Bed 44. I found it!

’s t I y x o Se

Waterloo 7 King St. N 519-886-4500

StagShop.com

48. Increase 51. Latin for master 52. Famous former outfielder Moises

53. Living rooms 54. Hunt 56. T-___

Comics & Distractions

Imprint, Friday, October 8, 2010

MICHAEL TO (irresponsiblyoptomistic@imprint.uwaterloo.ca)

lisa mai (distractions@imprint.uwaterloo.ca)

ADRIENNE RAW (araw@imprint.uwaterloo.ca)

“J.T.” (geese@imprint.uwaterloo.ca)