Page 1


JANUARY 7,2005

VOL 27, NO 21


Tsunami disaster vigil stresses relief effort

Neal Moogk-Soulis and Christine Loureiro IMPRINT STAFF

Just over a week after the earthquake and ensuing tsunami devastated many parts of southern Asia, the UW community is still assessing the impact and responding appropriately. Officially, the university has lowered the flags in front of South Campus Hall to half-mast in honour of the thousands of dead. At press time, litde was known about th~ actual amount of UW students direcdy affected, above the two that spoke at the vigil. In the coming days and weeks, as communications are established more information will become available. Sri Lanka was hit hard by the tsunami and the Waterloo Tamil Students Association ~ATSA) tried in the fIrst few days after the disaster to discover the fate of the many students of Tamil origin who had returned to the island over the break. "Numerous Waterloo students are in Sri Lanka at the moment. They are on vacation to visit their families back home during Christmas break. [A] couple of them have also gone down to teach English in these areas," said Anitta Satkunarajah of \",,'ATSA. AbiraaBalendran, also ofWATSA, commented, "Although [those students] have called and we are sure that they are okay, they have expressed concemf~rthepeoplein the north and east of Sri Lanka. They have witnessed the disaster first-hand and although they are doing everything in their power to

help in the reliefeffort, they arecaJling out to the international community for their help."

Feds and WATSA organize support campaign WATSA worked closely with Feds this week to organize a vigil that took place in the SLC Great Hall at noon on Wednesday,January 5. WATSAmembers, Feds clubs director Rick Theis and SLC manager Nancy O'Neil pitched in over the week to organize a memorial service consisting of prayer, video footage and speeches by two UW students who were in Sri Lanka at the time, surviving and witnessing the disaster. Sutharsan and Suthan Sriskandarajah, both second-year CS students, spoke to a crowded Great Hall oftheir experiences. The brothers were in Sri Lanka over the holiday season teaching computer programming and English, respectively, and were in a safe area when the tsunami hit, although some of the schools and orphanages surrounding them were destroyed. WATSA was also collecting donations on behalf of the Canadian Tamil Students Association, which will distribute the funds to the north and east regions of Sri Lanka. The group says reliefhas not been reaching those areas due to pre-existing ethnic tensions. Feds \vill continue the \tsunami fundraising efforts over the coming weeks by running an orange-ribbon campaign across campus. According to John Anderson, Feds vice-president internal, various UW clubs will

be at 16 information booths across campus, including the Village residences, theSLC, the Davis Centre and Arts Lecture Hall, from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. collecting donations and providing additional information to students. Feds will be covering the costs of the booths and ribbons and all proceeds collected before Tuesday, January 11 will go to pre-approved NGOs; the Canadian government will then match the funds with an equal donation and send them off to the affected areas. Donations will be

accepted 24 hours a day at the SLC Turnkey desk and booths will continue to operate until Thursday,January13. In his address at the vigil, Anderson encouraged students to support the orange ribbon campaign and reliefefforts not only in the corningweeks, but also throughout the term. • ''Thatwasareallytouchingvigil,''he said of the presentation. ''It's the first time I've seen a lot of those images. I'm quite impressed with what they put together, especially on short notice."

Jeanette Boudreau of UW TranscendingBordersreflected theresponse of numerous campus groups when she told Imprint; ''We are in the very early planning stages and we have been in contact with other campus groups, planning a collaborative effort." Students wishing to learn more about the reliefefforts in Sri Lanka can contactWATSAthrough theirwebsite at ,

"SUNAMI ......11 .flfIOR'I' VW Orange Ribbon Campaign


A $1.00 minimum 路on B"IJPIiIfed. Be ditlaster relief'in SoudJ.eaBt ABi&




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Across 1. The Grad FEDS 4. Church music 9. Lead a coup 14. Instant bank 15. Common sigh~,ngoftheMadoona 16. You are toast 17. ]\lindbending paranormal Geller 18. \,{bere Moses got the CommandIneots

19. Brosnan's love-interestin The ThotllttS Crr}JJwAj/air 20. A real ball of ftre 22. Sniper scope 23. Black piano keys

24. Lionhearted king

26. Musical silence 27. Scrooge. Remember him? 30. Canadian passenger rail 31. Asian monkey used in medical research

33. A distinctive odour

"To throw crazier parties at the DEERTY South 8."

Ryan Rusnak 1B arts and business

"To start smoking and quit smoking." Jen Lloyd and Kiira Poerschke 1B ree and business and 1B thera-

peutic ree

35. George Bush's political asset38. Pitas and gyros 39. Poor, city child 40. Cattle bed 41.. Irish poet 42. Bob Parr's Incredible son 46. Having given ,vay 49. French river 50. Pigpens 51. Disturbance of the peace 54. Shiny 55: \'{'l1O double-dared you? 56. Temporary fashion trend

57. Mostly dark due to lockout 58. Artfonn or cartoon? Ask CTRL-A 59. Small stringed instrument 60. Start \Vjiting one no,v so as to not fall behind! 61. Sweet herb 62. Will likely make you see pink elephants

Down 1. Charges exorhinantprices 2. Flashing\vhite light 3. Spanish friends


24. out a p~l1:t of 25. Digital audiotape 27. Duke of\X'ellington's troops 28. Distribute 29. Above, beyond, transcending 32. Not hers 33. Popular Banffactivity 34. Cinderella's namesake garbage 35. Those who wax eloquently 36. Baby's clothing 37. Smallest U\\f 38. F'our-ycar-o!d's second favourite '\7ord~ after no 41. Affirmarive .$4.

45.f\loved lnlo ,In ent.:]o,UJ:f'

51. Gentleman for ,vtlOm the Arts

Arthur McLuhan

"To be less stressed." BeckyWroe

2A sociology

Feds president

"To get bigger."

11. Student look 12. Repair a violin 13. Play forpav 21. Set up in a bind 22. \'i,'ebber,John and Connery

53. Tractortrailercombu 54. Early American 55. A light touch _____ \X'HEN



I:::1 Hln light of the recent Tsunami disaster, I hope to appreciate what I have already." Anitta Satkunarajah

"To never make a New Year's resolution again." Harminder Phuli and Imran Ansari

38 political science

masters psychology






7. "STUDY FINDS SEX, ________





Grad student chern and second year


NEIDDE "I'm thinking about cutting off my arms." Ryan Shark Turnkey Turk

[ I I :]~ ~J

"To deliver more papers." Tania Baynova and Charlene Vanbilseu 1B environmental studies and 1B

therapeutic ree

Final Quotation:




......,.,......,"' ,...."-,,.....,...,... .,./

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Publicity stunt pays for fine arts students IMPRINT STAFF

Universities/Colleges The Department of Computing Science's robot soccer team at University ofAlbettais growing to allow human participation. The robot soccer players are gizmos resemblingtincans that play real soccer complete with ball and nets, with computers deciding field positions and calling plays based on real playbook strategies. Theywill soon see their game changed forever by newCS teaching and research staff member Dr. l\fichael Bowling, who aims to use larger-scale robot versions of the players and pit them against each other in teams of two - one ,robot, one human' operating a two-wheeled human transporter. The goal of the initiative is to ultimately create a team of robot soccer stars who can defeat a human team by the year 2050.

Who needs Snow forts when you have library books? Tristan Doherty and Dawn Stafrace stand surrounded by 2,700 of Dana Porter's eighth floor books. Laura Katsirdakis EDiITOR-IN-<:HIEF

It looks like a lot of fun, but this pile of books is not a procrastination super-fort - itis meant to convey an important message. DawnStafrace and Tristan Doherty, both fine arts students in the masters qualifyingprograrn, carefully arranged the books in East Campus Hall from December 6 to December 8 to highlight the fact that the fine arts librarian and many fine arts books went to Cambridge with the new school ofarchitecture. The extremely visual expression oftheirmessage has garnered considerable attention, and was featured on the front page of The Rilcord. Stafrace andDohertywere also interviewed by the

CBe. ''We wanted to bring attention to the fact that

we need these boob. It is important to have access to ta~ 'books and to a that knows about [fine arts}," said Doherty. Stafrace explained some ofthe fine arts books were paid for by the architecture department and thus they were moved, along with the librarian, to the Cambridge campus. Stafrace and Doherty decided to make their statement in this form when they discovered that there was no limit on the amount of books that anyone student could check out of the Dana Porter library. They took out approximately 2,700 books, all from the eighth floor ofDP, choosing them so a hole would deliberately be left running through the middle of all the bookshelves. ''The print-out for the books was about 80 pages long," Doherty remarked. The effortincluded three cars that picked up


took them to RCS and retuIDed to DF formore. 5wIace noted that the library statl started to wonder what was going on. Some ofthem were friendly and even allowed the use of dollies to transport the books from the stacks to the check-out desk. ''We wanted to bring the importance of the library and librarians to the students here and to the fine arts department," Doherty said. Stafracewas careful to add that the books were only taken out for three days and were used after the term had ended s~ students who needed the books would not be adversely affected. A new librarian was appointed to deal with the fine arts books on December 1 and they are planning to put out a call to the department to see which books are needed, Stafrace said.

Students to cast their ballots on two referendum questions regarding student fees Andrew Dilts IMPRINT STAFF

University ofWaterloo undergraduate students. will soon be participating in not one but two referenda through UW's Federation of Students. Full-timeundergrads will have the chance to vote on both an orientation fee and on a dental plan. The fIrst referendum question will ask whether or not a $100 fee should be introduced to the lA fee statement of incoming undergraduates. The new fee represents the cumulative dollar amount of orientation fees collected by faculty and residence activities-around$50 each per year. The orientation fee would not be "strikeable," that is, students would not be able to opt out

before paying the fee. However,itwould be fully refundable, a refund which can be collected at the Feds office after choosing, through the use ofan on-line orientation site, not to participate in orientation week. The addition ofthis fee is intended to ease the process ofregistration during orientation week, especially for thelarger faculties that see hundred of students lining up on the first day of orientation week to pay for the week's activities. The second referendum question will ask s~dents to approve or reject a dental plan that would cost each undergraduate student $34.25 pertermona~alopt-outbasis.Auniversal opt-out means dult any student would be eligible to get this fee refunded, whether or not they currendy have dental insurance. Preventative services, including cleaning, pol-

ishing, fluoride and bitewing X-rays would be 100 per cent covered by the plan. Basic services such as fillings, oral surgery, periodontics (gum treatment) and endodontics (root canals) would be 70'per cent covered. A broad numberofitems would be excluded from the dental coverage, including the replacementoflostor stolen dental appliances, costs of supplies "for sport or home.use" (e.g. mouth guards) and "procedures performed primarily to improve appearance," among others. The undergraduate dental plan referendum has been some time in the making. It waspart of the campaign platform of current Feds VicePresident administration and finance Raveel Afzaal in his February 2004 election bid.

See Vote, page 7

Torontoisseekinganewdumpingsiteforthe 120 truckloads ofgarbage generated dailyin the city. Until now thatrrash bas been transpotted to a landfill in Michigan but that arrangement may soon fold, with the U11ited States threatening to dose the ,ttndetM"Omadian ~: 1 庐 ground'S of political opposition. Meanwhile, Southgate Township, a small Ontario community of about 7,000 people, has offered to take the trash, as they have good highway connections arid appropriate soil for the construction of a landfill site. Don Lewis, Mayor of Southgate, hopes that the millions of dollars the development would provide will assist the province's ravaged rutal economy. ''When you're as hard up as rutal Ontario is and Toronto's go(all that money that theywantto give to the United States, we'll put our hand out," said Lewis. International

The govemment ofMorocco is taking steps to crack down on "professional beggars." According to a Social Development, Family and Solidarity Minister, these flimflammers skulk the streets with theit alleged children and claim that they panhandle so they can feed them, when the children are in fact "rented" or stolen from their real parents and often drugged or malnourished. A report quoted by the minister says路 that about 1,5 per cent, of children under the age of seven seen with beggars in Morocco are "rented" for as little as $6 per week. A 67-year-old man in Bulgaria stunned doctors last month when five blood tests determined his blood-alcohol content was almost twicewhatpoHce usually consider1ife-threatening. The man, who was hospitalized in stable condition for head injuries after being struck down by a car, was conscious when tested and was even able to coherently speak to the doctors despite having a blood-alcohollevel of O. 914; a level of9.55 is considered deadly. So that friend of yours who thinks he's hot shit because he did some drunken doughnuts in an empty parking lot on New Year's - tell him to shut up.




An u!1\'ielcome start to the new year greeted many residents of Ron Eydt Village upon their return to campus. In a concerted effort, 11 rooms and the don's suite of South E had their double-paned windows smashed in and electronics, DVDs and other valuables were stolen. DonJonathan Lau discovered the series of thefts at6 a.m. on New Year's Day, his suite being among the hardest hit. Computers, laptops, Play station 2's, shoes and beer were among the items that were taken. The residents at REV were understandably shocked and disappointed at the thefts. '11te main evidence of the case sUp.;g,,:SIS that it was a \vell-planned pi.!:lering. TheL-shaped residence lies at the north-west corner of campus, with one sparsely-lit outer side bordering \'i/estmount Road. The other outer side faces a wooded area, \1.1:th no paved access, only travelled by snowplows. Being New Year's Eve, many studenr~ were either at home or out celebrating. None of the international students who stayed over the break reported hearing any windows



being smashed. dian Police lnformatjon Centre to Interestingly enough, even cross-reference and track items that though blinds ill every room ,,.-ere have been recovered. Other items dosed for the holidays, the majority stolen such as shoes and Devos are of the residents stolen from were even harder to track. male. Eight In terms of male double security, Shortt rooms were brostated that there Recovery [, .. ] will ken into comwas a "full pla-pared to three on toon of three ofnot be easy bethe females' ficers and a discause many resiside, even patch," a onethough compuperson increase dents did not ter towers were from last year, but know the make, visible thwugh that no extra pathe window. trol \vas enlisted model or serial One female for the holiday. room had a note On another numbers of their left for them, note, the Rod electronics. stating, "You Coutts Engineer-girls are cute, so ing Lecture Hall we won't take was also burglaranything," ized, ~w1th three signed, "The friendly ghosts." projectors snatched. Recoverr ofthe stoleniterns is one If anybody noticed suspicious of the main goals of the U\,{! Police, activity around REV or RCH on or stated Sergeant \'{'ayne Shortt, but it around Ne\v Year's Eve, please di\vill not be easy because many residents rectinfonnation to Sergeant Shortt did not know the make, model or serial at extepsion 6966, orto UW Police at numbers oftheir electronics. 888-4911. \'i;'ithout these key pieces ofinformation, police can't use the



Many students lost their personal belongings to a real Grinch.

erican misadventures constantly dominating

Poring over the headlines of any national newspaper around the globe, one can count on reading a multitude of stories centred on the affairs of the United States of America. What happens there affects what happens eyerywhere dse, and Canada is no exception, \'ifithregardtothemasslveprotests that accompanied the ~ Bush visit to Ottawa last year, what world are these prote~ters livingin? Simply because we don't iIb'1:ee -with Bush's unilateralist, terrorist foreign policy is no justification for eliminating diplomatic relations with the States.

Our t:conomy relies <ID theAfileri~ cans and vice versa. I -!.owever, a good friend should always be honest, such as when we disapproved of the ill路-advised wide-scale terrollst attack on Iraq. Accordingto the fitst scitc'l1tific study to examine the issue, the invasion has killed more than 100,000 Iraqis mostly women and children - and will no doubt kiUmany more before its conclusion. Canada doesn't believe that democ!a<..J' flows through the barrel of a gun. Weare a tolerant, liberal countty and I am proud that we provide haven to refugees from around theworld-- and the United States is no exception. (] .S. Army deserterJeremy Hinzman is currendy seeking refugee status in Canada to avoid being forced to take part in American atrocities in Iraq. Al1otherformer U.S. Marine is trying to help Hinzman's case and testi-

fic<lat 11 hearing that the U.S. military purposely killed innocent civilians at checkpoints, and how "plenty ofj\farines became psychopaths [who} enjoyed killing." Iraq isn't the only place where the U meddling. Look at the Ukraine, where rightful leader Viktor Yanukovych was "defeated" after a desperate smear campaign by supporters of pro-\'1Testern c,U1didate Viktor Yushchenko. There was also the convenient poisoningofYushchenko-likelycarried out by his own supporters as an attempt to defame the "pro-Moscow" candidate and draw sympathy for Yushchenko's previously doomed campaign. 1\ Bush crony is now the president of Afghanistan. The Americans removed thedem<x:raticaUy elected leader of Haiti. The list goes on and on.

Aretheseconspiracytheories? Iguess we can't really know. Tbe fact remains that under Bush, the U.S. has solidified its position as the most hated country on the planet. I love the American people, and salute the nearly 58 rnillion of them who voted for Kerry in therecentelection, but they have a dangerous, singh minded man as president and no one is safe. Bush has tom up international arms lin;)itation agreements. He's determined to implement an idiotic, unworkable missile"defence system, effectivelyiniriatinganother arms race. He's shunned America's environmentalresponsibilities. His government even indirectly funds and openly tolerates Israeli terrorism flb>a.U1St the Palestinians. Bush refuses to adillO\viedge the legitimacy of the International Criminal Court, probably bt."Cuuse his terrorist


misadVe!ltures inlraq andAfghal1ist2.11 mi.ght lead to him beirlg rightfully charged \slid1 war crimes. After all, the majority of the world views the U.S. as a "rogue state." On the domestic side of things, Bush's economic incompetence has dollar to plummet, caused tlle increasingthevalue ofoms. Tbeirtrade and fiscal deficits are at unprecedented levels. Americans, wary of Bush's ineptitude, are moving to Canada to seek a betrer life. Still, we love theAmelicans and they love us. 111CY callus, according to a recent survey, "toierant," "compassionate" and "funny." Formypart,I'dlabel t11em friendly, earnest, blissfully ig110-. rant and, unfortunately, stuck with a radlerimbccilicpresident. God help the poor souls.




I gave, did you give?

,Vote: undergraduates cast their ballots Continued from page 5

While many of us were clearing away the wrapping paper or standing in line at Future Shop to get a good price on a television, half a world away lives were being washed away. The scale of death and destruction caused by this event has not been seen for decades. Twelve countries lost everything that lined their coastlines. Over 155,000 are conftrmed dead at this time. Tens of thousands are still missing. In the time it will take you to read this sentence, more bodies will have been discovered than run in the obituaries section of the Globe and Mail. Some people will never be found. This is the second year in a row that the quiet period between Chri~tmas Day and New Year's Day has been shattered by a disaster. Last year, the Iranian city of Bam was leveled; close to 30,000 were killed and over 200,000 were left homeless. While the global response to that disaster was impressive, the recent surge of international co-operation with this particular disaster has been unprecedented. Several scenarios are possible. First, the sheer scale of the disaster puts it in the running for, the dubious title of worst patural disaster in living memory. The fact that the vlaves washed an area of the globe similar in size to Canada and wreaked havoc on an equivalent amount ofcoastline means that few are able t9 esc~e b:~~~ ~~f~cted: The: six degre~~ of separauon SlnKe agatn.

Second, since there \vere no perpetrators except the forces of nature, governments need

not waste time positioning themselves over who to invade in response. Instead, governments and citizens are opening their wallets ever wider to see who can out-donate their neighbour. Third, if anything, the period of time between September 11, 2001 and December 26, 2004 demonstrated for those who cared to learn that the quickest way to terror and anarchy was to have a large population that was fit, disen-~ franchised anc,l isolated. The sick, the old and the young are a disproportionate number of victims in the tsunami disaster. Had those with the means not rushed to fill the void, who knows what would have been left. With almost daily funding and kind donations from countries and corporations, citizens and employees, a final tally ofdonations might be difficult to calculate. Current reports claim that over two billion dollars in funds have been donated via v~us channels to help these countries recover. Already bulldozers and pachyderms, shovels and bare hands are struggling to return the landscape to something resemblingnonnaIcy. The Uruversity ofWaterloo reaches around the world through its community. Families, "friends and colleagues found themselves in danger. Some wel;e visiting, others were volunteering, still others were vacationing. We are all connected in this world. Through the six degrees of separation you likely have a close connection to someone who was on the beaches that day. Thoughlcannotbetheteclearingthebeaches, I have opened my wallet and made a donation. Visit the CBC website ( for an upto-date list of charities accepting donations. '. Your' world is:t'66 si1iill to ignore it. ,..

â&#x20AC;˘ â&#x20AC;˘ full sWlng Orchestra@uwaterloQ ln envisaged by its composer). At their best, they sbunded sumptuous, too, boding well for future brass-heavy repertoire. Then it was Haydn's delightful "Evening" ("Le Soir") symUW's first orchestra, called orchestra@uwaterloo, played its introductory phony No.8. Early Haydn symphonies are no joke for any orchestra: they call for whiplash concert on December 2 in the Hagey Hall precision in the strings and really alert playing if Humanties Theatre. The orchestra's membership consists of they are to have a hope of making the kind of impact they can and should. And under van students, staff, faculty and alumni. The 74membered ensemble was audition-screened Daele's sure hand, this came off remarkably well, with a vivid allegro, from 170 or so who relovely andante, one of sponded; Conductor Erna Haydn's zesty minuets van Daele, founder and for With a new term and a finale that carries the many years conductor of the K-W Community Orgetting started and title "la Tempesta" for good reason. chestra later of the Youth quite a few of last Judging by the concert, Orchestra, was engaged to with its full house on hand provide musical leader-. fall's players out on to welcome them, the reship. The orchestra is also work term, the orsult is very impressive infortunate also to have the services ofJuilliard-trained chestra wants to let deed. Especially remarkcombinatorics and optimi- it be known that new able is the upper string component, which is alzation Prof. Romy Shioda ways the mainstay and as concertmaster. This lisapplicants are very often the Achilles heel of tener didn't jot down all welcome. such a group. And perthe stats, but a lot of the haps most important of participating students are all, they really sounded like from the mathematics, enan orchestra- even with gineering and science facthe acoustics of the Huulties; the musicians were manities Theatre, the only space on campus big also drawn from all parts of the university, enough to hoid such a concert \vith such an including non-academic a'S well as academic audience. \ staff. With a new tdm getting started and quite a This first concert featured a varied program, few oflast fall's players out on work term, the beginning \vith Brahms' Academic Festival Overture. An interesting specialty item was the' orchestra wants to let it be known that new Sonata pian'e forte of Gabrieli, in which all of applicants are very welcome: visit to get in touch. the sizable brass section took part (in stereo, as

Jan Narveson


Upon taking office, Afzaal and the Feds circulated a survey during the spring 2004 term to assess undergraduate student support for a dental plan. At the December students' council meeting, council voted in favour of holding the referenda along with the upcoming Feds elections. Voting will take place electronically - full-time undergraduate students may vote through the Fed s ' website,, or at online polling stations that will be set up around campus during the referenda. The campaign period will run from February 1 to 14 and the voting period will run from 8 a.m. on Tuesday, February 15 until 8 p.m. on Thursday, February 17. At least 10 per cent of full-time undergraduate students tJ?ustvote in each referendum in order for them to be l?inding. This

represents approximately 2,000 students who must cast a vote, either for, against or abstaining. F eds' mos t recen t referendum was not binding. March 2004 saw a 3.68 per cent voter turn.' out 6n the question of membership in the Canadian Alliance of Student Associations (CASA), the federal-level student lobbying organization of which Feds is a member. U W' s Graduate Student Associa don' (GSA) recently held a referendum for a graduate student dental plan. At the end of November 2004, graduate students voted overwhelmingly ALI ASARIA . to approve participation in a dental plan. Eighty per cent of the votes cast were favour of the plan, in a referendum that saw 34 per cent of 2,609 graduate students cast a ballot. More information about the referenda is available from the Federation of Students.




UW makes a case for the third sector Earlier this week I witnessed one of the more inspiring things that I've seen during my tenure as a UW student. The initial term meeting for club representatives of the Federation of Students saw more than the usual how-tobook-a-room talk. Instead, representatives from the Federation of Students and its clubs set the framework' for a massive volunteer project. As the number of registered Feds clubs has doubled over the past year, there were around 100 club representatives in attendance. A diverse range ofgroups, from the Fraternity and Sorority Awareness Gub to the Waterloo Tamil Students' Association, nodded in agreement as Feds clubs director Rick Theis outlined a massive, campus-wide ribbon ~ampaign that would serve as a fundraiser for victims of the recent tsunami disaster in south-east Asia. The ribbon campaign was the result of many

inputs, with the Feds taking the initiative to ship to two other main economic sectors that unite the efforts of many volunteers. existin society - the private sector (for-profit Much column space in this newspaper has businesses) and the public sector (that bloated already been dedicated to the devastating efmass of high-spending bureaucracy that we fects of the tsunami and the call the government). responses to that disaster, Though profit is not their so I will leave that topic here notive and they do not enRather, I will highlight ho" oy the backing of the govThe Feds' Clubs Feds' campaign for tsunam j:Qffient, the activities of notrelief, as with the activities 0: or-profit organizations serve tsunami relief many of the clubs and othe] LS major economic and poeffort, planned organizations here on th( itical forces in our society. UW campus, serves as grea' A student of organizaalmost overnight, examples of one of the mos' ional psychology would be serves as a prime powerful machines in oU] Lble to tell you that money is society: the third sector. leither the only, nor the most example of just Though it may sound likl .:ffective motivational factor how effective the for producing activity. In this a galactic coordinate from a Star Trek episode, the third work of volunteers light, it comes as no surprise sector is something that is that organizations in the can be ... extremely important both third sector can be remarkwithin. Canada and abroad. ably effective. The third sector is the ecoOrganizations like the nomic and political area that United Way or Rotary Clubs encompasses the activities of charitable, reliraise millions of dollars each to improve their gious, philanthropic, community and volunlocal communities, in addition to a,ddressing teer organizations. issues abroad. Others, like Medecins Sans The sector's name stems from its relationFrontieres (known to English speakers as Doc-.

tors Without Borders) or the Red Cross (or Red Crescent, as it is known in many Islamic countries) focus their energy more specifically on helping to improve the situations of those in the developing world. Returning to the example ofFeds' tsunami relief campaign, should this initiative run as planned it will stand as one of the most allencompassing volunteer initiatives on our campus. Many other cross-campus initiatives exist, such as Orientation \Veek activities or the annual Canada Day celebrations. These activities, though, traditionally take months ofplanning. The'Feds clubs' tsunami relief effort, planned almost overnight, serves as a prime example of just how effective the work of volunteers can be when they put their hearts and minds towards a cause. Those involved should all be applauded for their efforts towards this cause. Welcome, by the way, to my weekly column, "The Profes~ional Student." Using a title that pokes fun at my overly long academic career, I will be using this space to offer'my insights and opinions on business-related issues that are relevant to students.

SevenUW students cash in on Deloitte scholarships a-third per cent increase in pay scales as of May

years ago.



UW finances on downswing The University of W~terloo is facing "a difficult year" fmanciaily, though longer-term prospects look better, says provost Amit Chakma, who is currently in the preparation process for the the university's 2005-06 budget. In December, Chakma notified deans and associate provosts of a <;:oming general cut to department operating budgets. The cuts come following a two per cent cutin the 2004-05 year, two per cent for 2003-04, two per centfor 200203 and three and a half per cent for 2001-02. Recentyears'generalcuts have been accompanied by selective or "strategic" increases that have pushed total spending higher year by year . and allowed UW to hire dozens of new faculty members. In spite of the announced cuts, UW's total operating budget will go up again and will top $300 million for the first time, with much of the new funds going toward salary increases: both faculty and staff are due for a three-and-

''The advance not;ice that I have given to the managers is based on a number of assumptions," the provost said. The biggest of those assumptions is that there will be no sudden change in government funding for universities in the coming fiscal year. For several years now, government grants have not included anything for annual cost increases and the tuition fee freeze implemented by the MtGuinty liberal government continues for this coming year. What university leaders are hoping is that the government's wallet will open in a dramatic way by 2006, in response to the recommendations that are expected from the Rae Review of Ontario post-secondary education. Rae has made no secret of his conviction that government has to spend more as part of his program to bring the college and university systems up to date. If 11 sizable grant increase were to come earlier, in the fiscal year that starts this May, "that would be wonderful," Chakma said. But he thinks any change is more likely to come a year from now. Meanwhile, money is tight because ,UW can't count on the main source of new revct}ue that it has enjoyed over the past three years extra grants to pay for enrplment increases. Growth is now slowing down, although there continues to be some "follow-through effect" from the notorious double cohort of two


Deloitte awards scholarships to UW students ' Seven UW school of accountancy students received a 2004 DeloitteTaxScholarship Award of$2,500. The funds come from the Deloitte Centre for Tax Education & Research, which is a partnership between the UW faculty and Deloitte. Its goal is to get Waterloo students thinking about the opportunities a career in the tax field creates for them. The scholarship is open to ail ofWaterlob's school of accountancy students with a strong interest in taxation and who plan to pursue a career in public accounting. Along with their academic transcript and resume, applicants were asked to submit a ope-page essay explaining "How would you define excellent client service in the tax profession?" Award winners were chosen based on their communication, analytical, creative and time management skills- all skills important for a tax professional. In the last three years, Deloitte has awarded 21 scholarships to UW students totalling $52,500. To fmd out more about the scholarship for upcoming years, please visit the UW school of accountancy. Provincial government donates $4 million to UW research Turning solar radiation into electricity as well as improving collaborative information technology systems are two University ofWaterloo projects that will benefit from Ontario government funding announced in December. The Ministry of Economic Development and Trade (MEDT) and the Ontario Innovation Trust have provided funds for two UW research projects, matching previously announced funding from the Canada Foundation for Innovation (CFI). i\ffiDT joined the Ontario Innovation Trust in announcing an investment of roughly $4.6 million. This is in addition to funding of $4.59 million from CFI. ' The research to be undertaken is critical to the development of photovoltaic technologies that are affordable in order to offer a

viable, cost-competitive alternative to environmentally hazardous fossil-fuel-based tech: nologies. The research activities that will be undertaken at the centre are multi-disciplinary, encompassing the fields of chemistry, materials science, semiconductor physics and technology, electronic engineering, energy technology and mechanical engineering. St. Jerome's president appoints new academic dean SJU president Michael W. Higgins has announced that Rev. Myroslaw Tataryn, Th.D, has been appointed the university's new academic dean and vice-president. Tataryn is currently chair of religious studies ,and anthropology at St. Thomas More College at the University of Saskatchewan. He assumes his new responsibilities at St. Jerome's University on July 1,2005. The term of office is for four years, with a possible extension of two years. From, his home in Saskatoon, Tataryn declared himself"honoured to be joining a community of educators committed to fostering a learning environment which nurtures the whole person and aims at graduating global citizens devoted to social justice." A priest of the Ukrainian Catholic Church, which is in union with the Roman Catholic Church, Tataryn received. his doctorate in theology from the University of St. Michael's College and the Toronto School of Theology at the University of Toronto in 1995. He has authored or co-authored several books, including Christianity in the New Ukraine (2002), Windows to the East (2001), Augustine and Russian Orthodoxy (2000) and Praying with Icons (1988). A search committee, chaired by Robert Sproule, vice-chair of the board ofgovernors, made its recommendation to the board of governors following extensive consultation with senior administrators, faculty, staff and students. The board unanimously endorsed the selection.

- with jilesfrom the Daily Bulletin



eer "

s" student e trepreneurshi


Joseph Fung makesCIBC shortlist with Le\vis JYledia software Christine Loureiro

who want to easily retain control over their one part-time technical support agent and six website and \"ho don't want to pay for the part-time graphic designers and developers," ongoing services of a webmaster," Fung said in says the student. "In September 2004· we exan e-mail to l!JJj)Jilit. \'I;'ith CIBC recently addingJoseph Fung's name panded into larger space \vithin the same office \"0 the shortlist for the 2005 Student EI1t1:epre.· fiung and friend Jeff Lew1.s founded Lewis building and have launched a second subsidiary nem of the Year award, U\'{[ is certainly continuMedia in N ovembcr 2001 as a company aimcd company, Ltd., based on LC\"1S ing in its AIacleaJl '.I-recognized tradition of proat developing ,veb applications and web sites. Media web application technology." ducing "Leaders of Tomorru\v. " With the anThe company grew over Although Fung has nouncement by the sponsoring organization the next two years before completed lois co·-op rerenewing their growth Advancing Canadian Entrepreneurship Inc. quirements since starting II [ ••• Being a co-op initiative. (ACE) on December 15, 2004, Fung and his atUWin 1999,hesaysthe company Lewis t-.fedia join 10 other students in "Based on some agprogram gave him the opstudent helped gressive plan~ that I the final round of the competition. portunity to discover that open my eyes to ACE, a national not-for-profit: corporation, had for expanding the he much preferred workwas founded in the mid-1980s to "[ignite] web-application side of ing on his own than in what I really Canadians to create brighter futures for themthe business, we another company. "I wanted to do." selves and their communities," as stated on agreed to turn our fofound 111at I was becomcus to running the their website. It works with university and coling frustrated with the business full-time," students across the country to "practise and limitations of being an em- UWstudent tca.ell others the principles and values of entreFung said. ployee, as well as with the Joseph Fung and market economics." CIBC is a In August 2003, lack of enthusiasm that 'U'~H\.UlJ." sponsor of the company and funds Fung left his co-op posi·· most employees have. Be·· their annual entrepreneurship competition,. tion with Raytheon ing a co-op s tuden t helped Canada while Lewis quit \vhich "recognizes and re'wards student entre·· open my eyes to '.vhat I his job \vith TOl'Star Corporation, "and with prencurs for eftectivelypraccicing entrepreneurrealJy wanted to do." one 'live' contract and no working capital we ship. " Fung and parmer Lewis have also learned Fung, a 313 computet engineering student moved out of our part-time home oftices to some business savvy the good old-fashioned from Newmarket, Ontario, has beenrecogour first full·· time location," he continues. "Our way: trial and error. "It's impossible to list all nlzed for Lewis i\iedia's \XTebAdmin web devd-· goal \vas to reach $100,000 in salt's in the tttst 12 the lessons learned along the viay (usually opment product, which ai!mvs clients to mainmonths of business - a goal that we consid· from setback and mistakes)," sa ysFung. "For tain 111.cir website via a secure administrative ered to be a significant stretch." example, I learned the value ofhiring the right centre and an easy-to··use, highly intuitive interSince August 2003, Fung's company has people the first time. Both in LewisM.edia and face. "\);/eb/\dmin provides a light, user- friendly gro\Y11 considerably. "Staffing now consists of \vhen \lie launched Onl\ ... we were coutentmanagement solution for customers mysclf,JeffLewi~, one full··time ~ak:~ person, ,ve have experi_ _ •• _ _ • _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_ _ • __ ~v _ _ _ '·· _ _ _ _

• _ _ _ ~_ _, ______• __



enced costly turnover due to poor fit as well as the detrimental impact of poor performance." "I've also leatned that although it's important to do your research, it's equally important to know \\o-hich questions to ask," he continued. ""Ill/hen preparing a comparative advertising piece, I was sme to fully research the guidelines on comparative advertising to ensure that the piece would be fair and properly created. What I failed to do, however, was properly research trademark law. This failing resulted in 2500 hlllcolom sell sheets that needed to be discarded or moditled before they could be disuibuted." ACE competition awards have monetary prizes, ranging from $1,000 to $3,000. However, Fung says "the ttue prize is the publicity and exposme combined with the opportunity to pitch our businesses to a large panel of qualitied judges, many of whom may be able to help the students grow their business much more quickly than they can on their" Le,vis Media was selected from a poolofl44 nominations and 44 applications, He is now comperingwith sweet stuffs producer Golden Lane Honey and beer maker Mountain Crest Bre"INingCol'p. from western Canada, furniture makers Stix Furniture f1'Om Ontario and fext-book exchange service I Dllyga&i2; from the Atlantic region, an-long others. ACE announces the winner of the national competition in the spring. For more informa·· tion, visitww\

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Imprint is published by Imprint Publications Student Life Centre 1116 UniversityofWaterloo Waterloo, ON N2L 3Gl

Don't let the winter blahs get you doWn

January and February are without a doubt the most depressing~months. The sun doesn't show itself until at least March, there is an abundance of brown slush on the edge of every street, and no matter how many times you do laundry there will be a per-

petual salt stain on the bottom of go to the bars, make sure to go early to avoid hypothermia-inducing your pant legs until sw:nmer. It's difficult to avoid lethargy at lineups and wear a crappy jacket because the coat check systems are often this time of year. It's snowing outless than foolproof. side, can't go to class. It's too cold To top off the melancholy, all the out, c;m't go to class. The sun hasn't happyChtistmas decorations are combeen out for months, can't wake up to go to class. It happens, we all know ingdownrightaboutnowandevery. thing in sight will soon be either what it's like. The motivation to do anything at white (new snow) or brown (old disgusting dirty snow). all is rare at this time. After the holiBelieve it or not, the best thing to days, ifyou still want to go to the mall, you need a lobotomy. Ifyou have any do to avoid the winter gloominess is money left, you are ~ither amazing or to keep up with your regular schedule. Keep going to class, keep going you have a rich daddy. If you dare to

If the common sense solution to the gym and you'll be better off. The temptation to hibernate may be does not work for you, there is an strong, but you'll just make it worse alternative that is much more appealfor yourself. Spring for some extra ing. Starta petition asking the univerfruits and veggies at the grocery store sity to install seasonal affective disor. der light therapy lamps in all the lito keep your energy up. Plan ahead for this term's assign- braries on campus. What better way ments. Get the syllabus from all your to draw students in to study? Or better yet, go to your doctor, classes together and map out a plan in your calendar to get all the work done get yourself diagnosed with S.A.D. bit by bit. If the lack of sunlight saps and take yourself on a trip to some your energy, it would be. much easier place hot and sunny to remedy your to simply follow a pre-set plan than winter blues. to summon up the motivation to pull together a last-minute essay.

ey rhetoric! Kindly leave semantics alone!

Very litde (apart from a good man, a good cup ofcoffee, or a good piece of steak) gives me as much pleasure as a nice turn of phrase, an unexpected :!'t1n.OT an~' ouu.::r devenvoniplay.

I've enjoyed many a pleasurable conversation featuring lingual gymnastics (though I have yet to attain

the Karen Hughes level of rhetorical yoga that can draw a direct line between pro-choice women and terrorism - I bow to thee, Karen Hughes, 0 grand mistress of warped logic). In conjunction with my genuine fondness for the verbal twister (I just - I want to squeeze its cheeks!) is a special place in my heart for its bastard cousin, absurdity. I'm a big fan of absurdity-I'm an absurditygroupie, if you will. If absurdity went on tour, I'd be following it from city to city obnoxiously singing along and tossing my bloomers


(imagine Kate Hudson it la Almost Famolls, only less blonde and h,ubbly). But while absurd wordplay amuses me to no end in film, in books, in conversation and on merchandise, there's a point at which even I am no longer amused. If you've been following the ,same-sex marriage controversy (ifnot - yes, it's back again), you might've seen the term "defense of marriage;" short for "defense of the traditional defInition of marriage" liberally applied, especially by conservatives. In one short editorial piece (the Globe


;;:::=1'( - ....

riage ... " Reading that, I began to wonder if Parliament would dissolve everyone's marriage. So that'swhy everybody's so upset! Now, I like euphemisms as much as the next guy. but tome on! Really, now/If you're for banning gay marriage please just say so. Say that you don't 'think couples of the same sex

should be afforded the rights that heterosexual couples have; say that your defInition of equality has small print attached. I may not agree with you, butatleastyou'recallinga spade a spade instead ofa fluffy pink bunny. "Defense?" What exacdy is being defended? Who or what is attacking the "traditional definition?" En garde! Allowing gays to marry is going to somehow punish heteros? Really? Show me how and I'll join your movement - I'll even bring cookies and wear a sandwich-board. See MARRIAGE, page 11




and Mail Dec. 14 2004), Stephen Harper used the term (or some variationofit) atleastten times-once embedded in the phrase" ... forcing parliamentarians to vote to end the traditional institution of mar-



R~ 1\






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a eada d all me ou an fat an u ly a y time you like

I'm one of those guys \'"ho takes a lot of pictures. You all know someone like me; I'm never -without a camera and I have a plethora of pictures of my friends --- which I share, of course. One of my (female) friend s, upon seeing the pictures I've taken ofher, halfiokingly says the same thing: "Davenport, you make me feel fat ---and ugly!" I assure you, she is neither fat nor ugly. She's only suffering from the same selfconsciousness exhibited by practically every other girl I capture on film. 'J11t:ylmowmyvastcache of photos "I.1.-i.1l be discovered branthropologists one day, and it wouldn't do for them 1-0 look far and ugly f()r the ages. So one time when she ust.-a her "your pictures ffiilke me feel fat and ugly" line, I uecided 1:0 witdlyretorr, "1 make the most I can with 'what you give Ine." Big mistake. Huge faux pas. She didn't want to talk to me for the rest of the morning1 Guys, you should totally invite me with you the next time you go out to pick up. I can make

"that dress is becoming on you"-cali-bre pickup lines seem witty, chivalrous and tactful in comparison. Anyway, this brings me to my question: why is socialization among men based so much more on deprecation than the parallel interaction among women? Greater minds than mine-such as the likes ofl\httGroeningand Jerry Seinfeld --have taclded this very same 1ssue.

J mean, if a bunch of guys are out together and they know each other well, ther'.te nOH~xacdy po lire to each DtJler~

each other and w,hetner it's barbs like "you play rugby like a mathie" or "you code Java like a monkey on crack," illl guys do it. Girls don't do this. Can you imagine what kinds of things would be said if they did? Girl # 1: "Your boyfriend called

again. \\'hat does he see in you, anyway? You're fat, stupid and lousy in the sack." Girl #2: "1 dunno, your Dad doesn't have any complaints." Shudder. Sorry, I promise I won't evoke that mental image again - thi.r week. But back to the point: what causes this disparity? I'll be honest; I looked (not just for minutesl For hours!) for a study on this subject and though I found tons of other interestingcrap, I couldn't dig up what I was looking for. So I'll go by the next best thing: the opinion of my friends. Most ofmy friends, male and female alike, wId me that the primary reason men berate each other while women don't is that men and women value themselves differently. Specifically, men O1tcrvalue themselves and women !ltld(1value themselves. Some of the ugliest, stinkiest guys will think they're a hot piece of ass while a healthy girl will complain about bAi.~9&i~t. Stereotype,,? Yes, Exr.:t1.:'nleS~ ~{e$~ \'?ithtHlt trutb;" l"OU tl.-.:cide based on ,'our c'<.pc1:ience, One girl I talked to said the opposite was true; she said it was tl1e men who undervalued themselves and merely put up a sttong front. I tend not to believe herbecauseI thinkI'mahotpieceofass. See WOMEN, page 13

Marriage: can be defended with respect Continued from page 10

You can defend borders, defend your queen, defend your right to parrrr.e),. Yes, you can even defend marriage--- rou do it by treating your spouse and your union ", respect according to your beliefs, whatever they maybe. You do it by being loving. You do it by making your own marriage work and setting an example for your kids. Never having been married, I can only speculate, but I've always considered marriage to be a highly personal thing:it's a bond between two people. Ifsomeoneisattackingyourmarriage, say trying to steal yo' man, then by all means, defend it - throw a chair on Jm] SpriJ~fi,er if you must. Or, say, by challenging the legitimacy of your union with your spouse ... oh, wait. Sorry. Thatwasn't wherc you wanted to go \vith that defense thing, huh? I'm a bitpeeved by the other part of that euphemism too: "traditional definition." I've got news for people who long for the good 01' days of marriage --- you're romanticizing it. \'(!11ich is ironic, because marriage wasn't always (and isn't always today) aboutromance.

Marriage often had to do with economic liaisons and with securing bloodlines. So when you speak of "traditional marriage," ladies, please have your fathers prepare your goats for the dowry, make sure you're only marrying someone from your extended famiiy,getto know the other wives your husband-to-be might have and hope that yout parents have arranged a good match for you - after all, it'd suck to be the chattel of someone whose bear-baiting wasn't up to par orwho lacked in the parry-and-pass department (inferior jousting -- don't let it ruin ),oHr marriage). But don't fret, the pressure's off you, the choice isn't yours to make anyway. And gentlemen, 1'd snag a Sponge Bob Squarepants DVD or two as well as a couple of copies of l-i01Jlto deaiwith tI pre-tc(Jtl and retail1),otlr saNity because likely your new bride isn't yet old enough to ride the rollercoasters at \X,'onderland alone, if at all. Believe it or not, the definition of marriage has changed over the rears. Now, at least in most developed countties, \,ve think of marriage as being a decision cntered intu freely by consentingadults. \,\'e don't allow young

girls to be sold off as child-bearing machines to older men; we don't allow polygamy orpolyandty; and marrying someone in your family is frowned upon. Yes, surprise of SUlVrises, the definition of marriage has evolved -- and will continue to do so. Not so long ag'O, interracial marriage wasn't allowed -- now it is. A11difyoudon'tagree\\>ithadefl11ition (andyoudon'thaveto) there's2very simple solution- don't use it. If you don'tbelit."Veinsame-sexrna~oe..mal1:Y

someone of the opposite sex. If you don't believe in interfaith marriage, man)' someone ofyourchosen faith. Heck, if you don't beJieve in marriage period,don'tgetmarried. It may seem like I'm upset about this issue because I don't like to see people'S rights trampled on-that's ttue. I believe that the best \vay to ensure my rights is to ensure the rights of evervone. But what bothers me about this particular issue beyond the equality part is the undue bashing of that poor baby Semantics. Leaye him alone, Rhetoric! Pick on someone your 0\\"11 SlZe.






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Celebrity charity cases should be questioned

Now that the tsunami has been transformed from comical surftng movie focal point to serious disaster, everyone has been taking notice of the trail of destruction it has left behind in southern Asia. The tales we see on the news of survivors and those not so lucky evoke emotions in us that only a real-life disaster can evoke - emo-

tions that movie producers try to emulate constandy. One thing I have always been wary of is celebrity charity contributions. It's unfortunate that some of the largest contributions to the effort are from those who yearn to be watched. As a closet cynic, I will always question their ulterior motives when they dig into their pockets and support various causes. Are these celebrities really donating because they care or are they giving because it improves their social status and marketability? Though that is a terrible question to ask on the wake ofsuch a tragedy (and every single penny counts), one can clearly see the favourable public opinion celebrities receive when they make a donation, particularly by the media.

In an industry where image is everything and the press can change one's image in a heartbeat, it would almost seem ludicrous not to exploit that avenue for one's benefit. When Sandra Bullock donates one million dollars to tsunami relief, she is hailed in the media as a "model for personal generosity" (by American Red Cross president and chiefexecutive officer Marsha Evans). Jay Leno auctions off one of his Harley Davidson motorcycles on eBay for the cause and we take notice. Pretty creative idea, Mr. Leno, although you might have been able to make more money by selling it at a place like Sotheby's; doesn't every penny count? It's true that every penny does count, no matter how it is raised. I am far more proud of knowing that

organizations like Waterloo Tamil Students' Association and The Crew are organizing relief programs at our school than knowing that Sharon Osborne contributed 0.8 per cent of her yearly salary to the relief effort (if she made $13.3 million and donated $109,000 dollars). How can you not shake a person's hand, applaud them and donate when they knock on your door in the blistering cold taking any penny you can spare? Celebrities even start their own charities (or have one started for them with their names on it). What would make me happy would be a universal charity organization that handles charity money for all celebrities. Don't tell us how much each celebrity donated, just tell us that they donated.

Just because celebrities are in the business of image enhancement doesn't mean they have the right to bolster their public portfolio by making donations to today's most mainstream charity or disaster. This is not a competition The Crew, WATSA, Sandra Bullock,] ay Leno and Sharon Osborne all play an important role in the relief effort. I'm just glad that I'm able to work with people that do not have to worry about what I think of them. At the end of the day every penny counts, even ifit's only a penny, but we shouldn't be putting only celebrities on a pedestal for such an act just because they're in the business of standing on one.

It's not just Canada moving forward on gay rights

This Christmas I broke from tradition. Instead of heading home for a few short weeks in the icy winters of Canada, listening to carols and drinking e~og in front of a roaring fireplace, I packed my bags and joined my family for two weeks in South Africa. An unconventional Christmas to be sure, sipping rum and Coke on

unnamed beaches as I listened to the Adantic surf crashing amongst the rocks just meters away. Of course, by the time you read this, I'll probably be stumbling from class to class suffering from a debilitating case of jet-lag. Feel free to pity me any time now. South Africa is a beautiful country with an amazing spread ofscenery and surroundings-everything from pristine beaches with perfect surfing to the arid desert home of the ''big five" animals and lush humid forestation -allofwhichiseasilyreachablewithin a single day's drive.


! ~ Little Caesars- ! I 1: ~~1 tOO DX{ I 1



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1 1 1






and luxury SUVs go flying by. ·While these pro b lems are major and glaring, they are things that the country is working to fix. For the past ten years, South Africa

borders. Canada is not the only nation working its war toward legalizing same-sex marriage. Several other nations are also strugglingto secure equal rights for lesbians and gays and South Africa is one ofthose that are close to resolving this issue.

See WORLD, page 13


I 1 I I


1 I I







I I I I I 1 1


But, at the same time, the people of thisnationarestillworkingtopullthemselves outofthe hangover-likepangleft behind byyears of oppression under theapartheidgoven:u::nent Violentctimeisanear-constant danger,duemosdytothe high poverty rate. "Townships" (shanty towns) surround nearly every city, filled with people who have to hitchhike to theirjobsin the city - all


1 1

Mark realizes his mistake.






eba 1


Forging a umon between past, present and future

I t should be so simple: allow men to marry other men and women other women if they so desire. But \vhen Alberta Premier Ralph Klein says he believes "marriage is a sacred thing that exists between a man and a woman," it rings true for many people. US Democrats paid a high price for being out of touch with mainstream ideas" ..- especially those regarding marriage. In 2004, they lost control of congress, the \X'hite house and a of state governorships. is gay marriage such a sensitive topic? \X'hat are tb:se "mainstream values" and why arc ~ome libera.!s not capable of touching them in the way they do \Xihitc House interns? The answer TO such guestions is neatly packaged in something my mother said to me a few months ago. \,'e were debating the Canadian condition and she said, "You talk as though it's a good Llllng to be a straight white male." Her comment chmned in my subconscious fon.'Iceks. As far as I could tell, there was nothing especiallv\vt'Ongwith being a straight white male. had she phrased it as though it "Here an affliction rather than a state ofbei11g? Her comment represents the ill that has crept into ~ocially pro!,tfcssive thinking-"- the one that tries to make the majority self-loathing. Liberals could not balance the scales of social justice by merely promoting the acceptance of od1crs; to meet in the middle, we also had to learn to hare ourselves. T1.lffiingoul< backs on om own values, culnIrc and history is one way that we are freguenrly made to dislike who \\'(0 arc. And some people, like those eyil social conservatives, are sick oEi!:. l\farriage between one man and one woman bas deep cultural roots; it cannot >cl,d should not

be destroyed overnight, or at all. Out of the ashes of the marriage war, a phoenix has risen: the "civil union." U.S. Democrats use this term ,videly. Ann Coulter puts it best in her latest book: "Except for the nut candidates who always forget to lie about their positions, all the Democratic presidential candidates eamestlyinsist that they oppose gay marriage. They are for civil unions with all the legaJ rights of marriage. But not marriage! No sir." The union promises to preserYc traditional marriagC\vhile affording gay couples all the rights and privileges that straight couples already enjoy - a very intelligent position for Democrats to take, but apparently not enough to put them in touch with mainstream values. 'I11is may simply appear to be a trivial exercise in semantics, but it is not. Using the term "gay marriage" conjmes unages of forsaking tmditional marriage and replacing it entirely. The phrase "civil union" makes it clear that we are adding something to marriage rather than up路rooting it. 1t avoids that nasty self-Joatlung I men tioned earJier. It quells the tears of the social conservatives. I t makes it clear that the venerable "family unit" will not be destroyed (atleast, not any more than it alreadyio). Marriages that were not fallingaparr to begin with will not spontaneously end. Family photo albums will not have the brides replaced with a second gromn, or vice versa. lt is u'rational ideas like these that cause Joe "small-c-conserYatjyc" kl1ee-j('.rk reactions to the thought of "gdj' marriage." If only liberals \\'cre more carefd in tl1eirprcsentation., motc res} )ectful of the beliefs of the majority, gay marriage might have been an easy sell. To end \vith a hilarious and almost completely unrelated line from Coulter's book: liberas "don't support 'tax cuts'; tthey! support a 'union' between people and 7() pet cent of their IT10ney."

o e : subtle dominance? Continued from page 11 Someone suggested that the males loudly making fun of each other\\'as a way of asserting dominance in a group. \\'hen socializing, women won't make crude jokes about each other's pen is size not only because they don't DIN! penises, but because they're not into that sort of thing ,._. - their modes of asserting dominance are more subtle and belie co-

operation. I don't buy into that stuff myself, but it's still something for you to think about. Feel free to drop us a line on the subject and share your own personal experiences and opinions ,-- I won't even mind if you call me fat or ugly in the process.


r-------------.--------------'------'-..- - -..





1- . . _._ ..._, ___ . .". .,. . _.___._





World: countries embracing equality Remembering victims of violence

Co-op system receives failing grade

To the editor,

To the editrJr,

December 6 marked the 15th anniversary ofthe Montreal Massacre. On that day in 1989, a man entered an engineering classroom at l'Ecole Polytechnique, ordered the men to leave and proceeded to open fire on the female students. He killed 14 women and injured 13 others. Since 1991, this day has been designated as the National Day of R.emembrance and Action on Violence Against Women. . Itisimperativethatwerememberthisdayand throughrememberance. acknowledge the victims

Another work term, another work term report. One more paper to write in addition to the ten others I will write this term. Whywon'tmy school or co-op take my good advice andreform this system? The original point has been lost - as professors and T As have less and less time to offer labs, field courses and seminars (ot, alternatively, their fees won't be eamed during my two jobs this term). Writing papershas becomeastapleofESandAtts courses. When I hear gripes about the poor writing quality of students, it baffles me that nobody thinks quality suffers because all we do is write papers. We're tired of the monotony! Where is the value in rounding out the leaming experience by forcingthe most rigid of all formats down a co-op student's throat and failing the end resultifyouusedin-textcitarionsinsteadofendnotes? Inmyplanningexperience,noreportI'veever prepared is as detailed as what is expected of a work report In a term paper, that's great. In an office, that's overkill. Even the ''Importance ofReports" section in the co-op student manual is weak on rationale. Good 01' Section 9.2 reads, ''It can be helpful to your career." So would leading a seminar and answering questions on my topic, or running a survey, or organizing public workshops. All those things above were done on Planning work terms this fall, and none of them count as showingleamingorimprovingcommunicationin the eyes ofthis purportedlyinnovativeinstitution.


in our homes, schools and communities. This year the Women in Mathematics Committee, the Engineering Society and the WomDep~t sponsored a candle to remember the 14 women killed in Montrealandall women who have been victims ofgeOder-based violence. Duringtheweek prior to the candle lighting and on the evening itself donations were accepted and over $700 was raised, for Mary's Place, a shelter for homeless women. I'd like to thank all those students, faculty and staff who donated, stopped to light a candle, or took a moment for reflection. I'd also like to thank the students who staffed the tables in the SLC and the CPH foyer and helped to organize the event. These efforts and acts of generosity havebelped to fund a worthy community service that positively impacts the lives of hundreds of people in Kitchener-Waterloo. Yet, this event was than 11 fundraising effort Through this event, the University of Waterloo community has remembered the victims, acknowledged the problem ofgender-based violence and moved one step closer to making sure a tragedy like this never happens again.


- Joe Nethery 4A Planning. Cancer confusion

To the editor,

- Salfy Murdock I've been noticing recendy a huge following around campus for the "Live Strong" campaign


lal Blecilscbmidt

III FLIES Okay, reddy? Five! ... Nine' ... Eight! ... Nine! ... Two' ...

Dude, it's only 9:30.


Feh. Details.

Heppy Noo Yeerml

And it's January 9th.


Feh. Details.

that the Lance Armstrong Foundation started backinMayof2004. I have been ''livingStroni'' since I found out what it was for and what it represented back in July and I respect anyone who chooses to live strong, too. However, I have a serious problem with the trend that seems to be developing. What bothers me about this increasing "support" is that manypeople do not know what the Live Strong bracelet stands for. They just think it's cool to wear yellow. Some thinkit's for Lance himself, others think it's for cancer research. Ifyou want to find out what the LAP is all about, you can visit their site at Now I have never had cancer myself. I'veonly read Armstrong's books and try to be educated about the whole course ofsurvivorship. I cannot imagine dealing with the disease but I support anyone who has beaten it oris working to beat it The LAF provides programs for people who are fighting cancer, have beaten cancer, who are caregivers for those with cancer and encompasses all other aspects of survivorship. The LAF believes, "knowledge is power and attitude is everything." I highly suggest everyone who chooses to wear yellow and live strong read up on what they're really supporting. If not for yourself, then for the millions of cancer patients who choose to live strong every day they are battling through the disease. At least then you may understand what you paid $1 for and wear out to the bar or to class or in the gym.

- Lucas Harden 4B /ehwioJogy

Continued from page 12

In late November, a lesbian couple won a lawsuit in front of the South African Supreme Court of Appeal. In the decision, the judges declared that the one man, one woman definition ofmarr:iagewas discriminatory. Thegovemment has appealed the issue along to the countris Constitutional Court. However, political observers agree that the government is not appealing the issue because they disagree with the Supreme Court's decision, but rather to ensure this delicate issue goes through the proper process before it becomes common law. Many people in South Africa believe that lawful same-sex marriages are only a matter of time, despite the expected right-wing and religious opposition. The reason for this is that South Africa is one of the only countries in the world that specifically prohibits discrimination due to sexual orientation and has written this into its constitution. Forgone conclusion or not, this movement is important The more people who realize that gays and lesbians are no different from themselves, the closer our society will be to accepting equality for everyone. As Mahatma Gandhi said, "First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win." Here's to more battles won in 2005.

Sex, dogs and having sex with dogs ArdaOcal IMPRINT STAFF

WheneverJ asonRouse takes the stage, he instandy challenges you to fmd his comedic antics lewd and shocking. However, one can only laugh hysterically at his skewed accounts of humping of imaginary dogs and his engrossing tales about getting it on with challenged women. One minute he grosses you out - the next, he questions why you found it gross. His in-your-face brand of comedy heads to YukYuks in Kitchener on January 7 and 8. Imprint: You're from Hamilton. Do youget mad or doyou agree whenpeople sqy Hamilton is the armpit of Ontario? Jason Rouse: It's Hamilton - it' s a shithole: a rough and dirty place. But I made some pretty good friends there, and that's whereI grew up. I've been all over Canada a bunch of times and there's nothing like Hamilton; it's the full ball ofwax. It can be pretty strange at night.

Do you think your show appeals to a younger audience? Earlier on it was more of that but it's not really an age thing at all anymore. It used to be like a Gen-X

type of audience but now as I have matured as a comic, as more sick and twisted as it's getting, the audience is broadening. I have two old ladies that always come out to see me in Ajax every time I'm there.

A10l{g with stand-up,you were ajudge on Popstars andyou hat'e done ma'!Y interviews for StarTV. Where do you seeyourse!fmost comfortable? I'll always do stand-up. It's my first love. I like that instant gratification. I've done filmandTVbutI love the livevibe.

Do thq throw their panties atyou? No, but I've danced on their table naked and they've slapped my ass. You get it where you can.

Do those other venues restrictyou? Ohyeah.NinetypercentofmysetI couldn't get away with on TV. When I'm on stage,I'minmyownlittleworld. Is it tme that you don't drink or It's funny, most people bring the show smoke? to the audience but I like to bring the I don't drink. I haven't drank in . audience into the show. Some stuff I about eight years. I quit right about should get arrested for. On TV it's usuwhen I started doing stand-up. I ally shorter sets and theymeticulouslygo used to party a lot but once I got into over everything you're going say. They the business, I started asking some can'thaveyouslipupsaying"cunt"and questions about people I looked up them having to scramble to a commerto and were successful and saw that cial. TherearemanyactsinCanada thatare many had a problem with alcohol, so rich in talent and television just isn't and started to realize that this might a good avenue for them, because it's so be a monkey on my back because conservative. you're in bars every weekend and you sleep in, and there's no reason not to. Do )'Otl think George W. BlISh woultf But there's so much more work to do make agood comedian? and I didn't want that situation- to Well, he likes to bomb right, so that be wasted seven days a week and not mlght make him a comic in a way. get creative. For more info on Jason Rouse, visit "'Areyou a ShawIt DIS1IIIU1jan? I don't really like his music all that much. He's a nice person though.


Catch Jason Rouse and his eclectic body art at Kitchener's Yuk Yuk's on January 7 and 8.

If you don't watch Lost, you shouldn't watch anything

Film and television are two of my favourite things in the world. Movies, as always, are alive and well. Directors rise and fall, fads come and go, but cinema is just as exciting as it's always been. However, it's my beloved medium of television that's

. been struggling lately - hell, with no apparent stop to The Apprentice and shows featuring Paris Hilton, it wouldn't be a stretch to say that television as we know it is on its deathbed. Thanks for nothing, Trump. With th~ seemingly unending torrent of reality TV that has been plaguing the airwaves lately, quality storytelling seems to b~ melting away. Granted, many of television's reigning kings are leaving. Joss Whedon (Buffy, Ange4 FireflY) has left television for ftlm, as has Aaron

Sorkin (The West Wring, Sports Night). The excellentArrested Deve/opmentwas on the verge of cancellation last season - until it won several Emmy's. Apparendy critical acclaim and rave reviews me:i.n nothing to executives unless you've got a shineI' statue to back it up with. Short of the wonderful things that HBO is doing, this is a worrisome路 time in TV land. But there is still hope. . With the departure of Whedon, J.J.Abramsisnowthereigningchampion of television. StartingJanuary 5,

he'll have both thereturningAiasand newcomerLosttowowaudienceswith. If you're not familiar with his work, then Lostis definitely the best point to ivmp on. . The show follows the lives of 48 survivors whose plane has crashed on a tropical island. In addition to having to deal with survival and inter-group politics, the ragged band must also contend with a mysterious presence that shares the island with them. Sporting awriting staffmade up of television all-stars, the show is intelligent, gripping and most importandy human all at the same time. Each episode focuses on one of the main characters-ofwhich there are a dozen or so - and whothey were before coming to the island Whatmakes this parallel form of storytelling so inter~ esting is die idea that the character's history often contrasts well with the current story that is being told on the island. For example, a fewweeks back we got the background on one of the island's more rebellious denizens, the greedy Sawyer. Thus far the man has clearly had a chip on his shoulder and an attitude problem that could be seen as a borderline death-wish. So what's his problem? Why is he so conflictive with the rest ofthe characters? It turns out that before the crash he led a very unsavoury life as a conartist. His last act before boarding the .

flight was to inadvertently destroy a family - just as his family had been destroyed many years ago. Realizing that he has become what he once hated, the man turns in on himself. This sort of deep storytelling is exacdywhatmakes the show so interesting. Technically speaking, the show looks fantastic. Itis all shot on location in Hawaii and the beautiful locales combined with the well-developed visual style makes it feel more like a theatrical film than a weekly television show. Granted, I would definitely agree with someone who claimed thatLosfs concept was "gimmicky." That is, a story wherein if the main problem were resolved the whole thing would fall apart. In this case, you know the people won't be rescued because that would be the end of the show. This is a common pitfallin such stories since it removes much of the urgency behind the plot. Luckily, the producers are too clever to fallinto that trap. The show isn't so much.about the survivors hope for being rescued as it is about who these people were in their previous lives and how they relate to one another now that they're alone. If you're looking for something smart, entertaining and addictive, I'd definitelyrecommendLost. It airs on ABC or its affiliates, at 8 p.m. on Wednesday nights.



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sion. It's the polar opposite ofthe first game, which played out like an interestingand emotionally challenging tale. But to make up for the lacklustre story and the repetition of the word "time" we've been gifted with a new combat system. The claim is that it's open-ended and allows for players to Prince of Persia: Warrior Within create their own fighting styles, but in Xbox - Playstation 2 - Gamecube the end only a couple combos are $59.99 useful. The beheadings are a definite bonus and add satisfaction to kicking First 1'd like to admit a slight personal the shit out of, well, demons of bias - I had an affair with the original Prince rfPersia: Sands ifTime. In fact, 1'd time ... from the island of time. Oh, and they were presumably created by compare it to the relationship that the queen of time. Humphrey Bogart had with that sexy In SOT, the Prince used the dagger Ilsa. We madeJove under the softlight to control time to his will. Now, he's of my living room for close to twenty simply imbued with these mysterious hours. Then, finally fulfilled, I shelved powers oy the time portals found on the game in a prominent spot and still the island. Kind of like Superman gaze on it, longing for those precious under Earth's sun;except with less hours. The Warrior Within didn't provide explanation. This is clearly an area that exemplifies the weakness of the story mewithnearlyassatisfyingofanexpein this game. The game play is not r,ience. It was an earth-shattering reexplained very well by the story, it is minder that games change and somesimply assumed. times you can't stay in love forever. Thekeyfeaturethatmademefallin The game is set ten years later and love with SOTwas the feeling of seeonce again the Prince is in trouhle. This ing a level and getting a feeling ofutter time he's hardcore, though, and quite disbelief. I can't count howmany times pissed off that the queen of time is I said, '.'1 can't possibly get to that trying to fuck with his shit. Yes, the door." Warrior Withilt just didn't give queen of time, from the island of time, that impression. The jumping puzwhere the sands of time were created. zles were simplistic at best. Perhaps Someone should send Ubisoft a themy view is jaded by my unbelievable saurus. gaming skills, but a game of this caliAnyway, the story unfolds v;>ith a relamrel)fobvious plot m>ist and ends . bre shQuld at least offersorn.e~'e ofchallenge. They added a couple dew \vith an unsatisf)wg, lingering conclu-

elements to the acrobatics, but overall the system remained ratherunchanged and uninteresting. Then there's the Dahaka. This beast of time (at least they gave him a name) is the reason for the Prince going on his qu~st. The beast chases the Prince occasionally throughout the game, longing to caress him with â&#x20AC;˘ long black tentacles and then suck him into his chest. The unfortunate bit is that this Dahaka creature is entirely unkillable. The scenes with the Dahitka have an I'm-being-chased-by-somethingominous feeling to them and serve to speed up thegameplay but come with several annoying bugs. Occasionally, the prince will stop moving for a minute and then the cut-scene comes in where the Dahaka eats you. Usually, this choppiness happens conveniently when you think you're in a safe spot. It's frustrating, and makes the game look unpolished. The love affair I had with Warrior Within was a decent one. It was more of a one-night stand when compared to the hours of good loving I had with Sal1ds of Time. \\I'hen the two games are compared, UVWlooksmore like the unattractive Yvonne. WW does, however, stand on its own as a good game. I definitely recommend it to any fan of the first, but don't expect better. Oh, and merry Winter~ een-mas to you all!

Mixtape Madness -- A procrastinator's soundtrack Jacqueline McKoy IMPRINT STAFF

I can say v;>ith great certainty that I am one amazing procrastinator. Case in point: I wrote this week's installment ofMixtape Madness on Imprint s production Oight. There's a load of other untimely examples that could prove to you just how lazy I am, but! think it would be a better use of the ne.xt 500 or so words to pay tribute to every student's most fatal flaw: not getting stuff done.

Afroman- 'Cause I G?tHigh At least he has a great (if not Imprintapproved) excuse for not getting anything done. Considering' that we didn't hear a whole lot ofAfroman between the release of High and last spring's Afroho!ic, maybe it's not the best plan of action. Forget I said that. Radiohead -Just Yes, you do do it to yourself. If Thom Yorke caa'tchide you into utter guilt for not opening that accounting textbook until a couple hours before your final, who the hell can? The Postal Service -Sleeping In One-third ofDeath Cab For Cutie (Ben Gibbard) and a few ofhis friends

recorded a song about how oversleeping leads to lucid dreams about the Kennedy assassination and global wanning. Theideaofeffortlessly com-


and missing your classes at the same time seems great, doesn't it? Listen to Ben and keep hitting that snooze button.

Nico-These Days Here's another selection for the brooding, emo procrastinator. The ex-Andy Warhol groupie obviously knew someone lazier than you or I to channel for this song. Don'tworry, . though, procrastination is probably a game you're trying to beatthemat r,ightnow.Justlike Nico's lazy friend, you're probably sitting on corner stones (or SLC couches) these days and counting the time in quarter notes until whichever class you plan

to miss next. Good job, there.

Homestar Runner - Strongbad Techno Yes, this isn't exactly a song, but it's just as damaging to your work ethic as anything else on this list. Loop-play The Cheat and Strong Bad's hilarious poke at electronica for long enough and you too will wonder where the Poop smith shoveled your extra IQ points and energy to. Sloan - The Rest Of My Life One of our favourite Canadian rockers asks a really good question in this song: what will you do with the rest of your life if you nev:er start that 25 per cent essay for that course that your major average is so d~sperately riding on? .' Beastie Boys - Sabotage Add this procrastinator's anthem to your playlist because (a) it's not from To TheFive Boroughs and (b) it's so much easier to blame your lack of time management on anyone other than yourself. Can we say conspiracy theory?



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Getti g the co-op job: intervi w skills Ali Asaria SPECiAl TO IMPRINT

So, you are at the bottom ofyour class, your transcript looks like the debug output from a C program that will never compile and you'recurrendyon more than one form ofacademic probation. It is time to apply for co-op jobs for next term and you'll do anything to make sure you don't end up working for your mom like last term (even though she did give you an "outstanding" last time). Will anyone hire' you? Well that's . baslcally the situation I was in and I've been offered some of the best jobs at ResearchInMotionand:Mkrosoft. You see, during my lB term, I was asked to biremyownco-opstudenttohelpoutin myteani ThroUghmyexperienceinterviewingUWstudentsforajob,Ileamed whatitfeelsliketo be "on the other side" andllearnedwhatinterviewersarereally looking for. Let me share some of the things I know. . The first mistake people make with job interviews - and this applies especially to interviews for tech


jobs - is to take the interview too seriously. You see it all the time: some guy from Math is waiting in the co-op building for his interview, sweating like it's 400 degrees and wearing a navy blue suit that he bor-' rowed from his dad. U ghh. Please, please don't wear a navy blue suit. Don't even wear a suit; if you want to dress things up a little and look smart, try wearing a suit blazer with a collared shlrtinside and some(;asual pants (no tie). Oneofthemaitigoals of the interview is to make it seem like you belong. The interviewer has to feel like you'd fit in with his group. To do that, wear clothes that make you look smart, stylish and friendly but not formal. In my lB term I went to an interview for a company called Track-Rail Incorporated. I reallY didn't want the job so I went to the interView dressed in army pants and atom Greenpeacetshirt. The funny thing is that I looked so casual and relaxed in the job that they decided to offer me the job! I learned from then on neverto dress up for a job. For God's sake, you need to

wow them with your smarts, not with the strength of your cologne. Once you've found the right outfit from Value Village, you need to get to the interview and make a great first impression. In the beginning of the interview, you and the interviewer are going to learn each other's names, shake han~ and siieeach other up. This is where you rieed to make .a distinctive impression. It all begins with a smile. Smile big (show teeth) and be friendly. Look the interviewer in the eye when you say your name and make sure you listen carefully for their name. If you didn't catch their multi-syllabic, foreign-sounding name, it's okay to ask again and repeat it outloud to make sure you've godt. From now on, the interviewer's name is your key to success - every time you begin an answe,r, or have something important to say, try to say their name in the sentence. Be confident enough to call them by their first pameonly. Okay, now it's time forthemeatof the interview. You need to appear to be way over-the-top and super-pas-

Mine eyes hath seen the glory: a night to remember studied enough anyway and hoped a walk would clear his head and relax him. He walked into his roommate's room and said, "Hey Eric,I'mheading out for a walk. If anyone calls, tell 'em I'll be back in an hour or so."

Editors Note: Mark Ross' columf1 is a

fictional story thatwill come together through parts each week, much like the serial novels of the olden dqys. It was neither dark nor stormy that night. I twas, in fact, a clear and lovely evening:-the kind ofnight where you will often spy lovers walking hand in hand, speaking quiedy to each other, the kind of night where the loudest noise is the sound of singing crickets, punctuated by the occasional passing car or burst ofdistantlaugher. Itwas a wonderful night. William Bankmann however remained IQcked away in his room, cursing his statistics professor for schedulingamidtermforMonday. Thatweekend had had the bestweatherso far that year anditwas frustrating to be trapped indoors studying. He was also annoyed at the fact that this was the third midterm he had to write for the class. It was his opinion that one midterm was more than enough and having one in late March during unseasonably warm weather seemed ridiculously unfair. He stood and closed his books. It was far too nice a night, he decide~, to stay cooped up indoors. He'd

. "Mnun hmm," Eric said without looking up. "Sure thing." Will slipped on his shoes and began to walk. He felt himself drawn to the campus and was pleased to follow the whims of his feet. Before long, he found himself walking by the math building along Alumni Lane. He slipped easily through therockgardep and within minutes found himself wandering amongst the tall trees near the church colleges. He stopped and looked out across the small lake that glistened in the pale moonlight and sighed. The ground was still too wet to sit on; the snow had melted only very recendy. As he wanted to stay a moment and savour the s~ene, he leaned against the thick trunk of the sturdy oak behind him. He had been leaning against the trunk only a moment when he felt a sharp prick on the back of his neck. He slapped his hand back and jerked fQrward. As his hand touched the back of his nec~e felt something cold and hard sttcking out of him. He grasped it and pulled it out. In his hand he held a small syringe. He turned slowly and looked at the tree he had been

leaning against. Standing between Will and the moon was a stranger whose features were almost impossible to make out. Will felt his heattbegin to race and his muscles tighten. A queasy feeling took up residence in his stomach as he spoke. "Who the hell are you?" "Who I am," the person before him said, "is ofvery lillie importance to you anymore." Will felt his muscles tighten even more and his legs were trembling. He felt like he was about tobe sick ''What do you want then?" he demanded. The figure shrugged. ''The same thing that you want." Will fell to the ground. He tried to get up, but his body refused to respond. There was an intense flooding of pain through his whole body and when he tried to scream,he found his throat had tightened too much for him to make a noise. Will could still see as the figure approached and stood over him, a small, bright object in the person's hand. The figure knelt beside him and the object came closer to Will's face. In a hazy distant part of his mind, Will realized it was a scalpel. "I win." Will felttheworldgo black, and he died in complete confusion.

See lIext week's issmfor part 2 of the series.

sionate. ''1 have always dreamed of designing electric nose-hait trimmers! I can't think ofa betterwaytochangethe world!" You see, you are just a student without any real work experience. Instead oflooking for experience, co-op interviewers are trained to look forpassion and potential. Go crazy! . Remember, don't look at an interviewas a chance foryou to betested by the interviewer - look at it as your chance to show off. Beforeyougetinto the interview, make a list of all your accomplishmentsandcitcle seventbings you reallywantto convey. In the interview, try to say at least five of them. The thing I learned when I had to be the interviewer at RIM was that all the candidates usually end up looking the same. You need to be different. Foran interviewatMicrosoft, I brought in my own laptop' and started the interview by saying "before we begin, let me show you some cool pictures I drew last night." The interviewer laughed but was noticeably impressed. To pull this off, you need to have a sense of humour and confidence. Ofcburse,doingwellataninterview

is not all about your dress and attitude.. At some point in time, you need to show that you're smart, you know your stuff and that you can do the job. There are a couple ofthings you can do to help with this process. Find out beforehand if you are going to be asked technical questions (many big tech companies do). If so, do some research on the web and memorize the answers to common ones. Trypractising some questions with a friend and get them to cQmment on your speaking style and the way you come off. Talking too fast? Saying "umm" too much? Sounding too arrogant? Practise until you feel confident. Lasdy, I should say that no matter hoW-much you prepare, there is nothingyou can do to guarantee a successful interview. Sometimes you iust aren't feeling well on that day, or you and the interviewer just don't click. Don't get discouraged, there is no way in reality that someone can validly judge you in less than 30 minutes. Having been an interviewer and aninterviewee, I can very confidendy tell you thatitis all a game. So have fun!

Nipples are a man'~ new best friend

Let's face it, sex is fun. In fact, it's so much fun that we dive right into it every chance we get. So where did all the fun-filled foreplay go? Sexual contact isn't just penetration; it's a fusion. of touching, tasting, grabbing, sucking, moaning - and penetration. Much as a simple "quick fuck'" is enjoyable, using the right kind of foreplay prior to the sex can be even more erotic. So I'd like to focus on the nipple. First, let's recognize that nipples are automatically sexy because they're part ofbreasts and breasts are hot. Second, although many people see nipple play as a woman's territory, it's just as good for guys. Most often,' men are phallocentric (fascinated with their penises} and have not taken the opportunity to explore their own sexual body. In many cases men fear that they willseern "unmanly" ifthey are aroused by nipple stimulation - and I'm here to say, "It's okay,guys!" The truth is that our nipples (both "men's and women's) have extremely sensitive nerve endings and the slightest licking, sucking, flicking and fondling can produce extreme pleasure. Some people like it when their partners get rough with their nipples and

enjoy more ofthe twisting, sque~zing aspect of nipple playtime. Just find out how theywanttheir nipples treated and have fun! The next time you're masturbating, take a hand and arouse your nip., pIes. Explore techniques that excite you ~ I guarantee your nipples will get hard and you'll have a good time. Many men and women claim to have theirjuiciestorgasmsafterplayingwith their nipples. For the people out there who take ,pleasure in using toys for stimulation, there are a wide variety of nipple stimulators on the market. The most frequent nipple exciters are vibrating nipple clamps, non-piercing nipple rings, nipple arousal balm and nipple suction cups. If you're looking for mega arousal then go for the clamps. They attach easily to the nipple and are often used during sex, orprivateplaces like the shower (these babies are waterproof - they go for around $30). If you're just beginning to explore nipple stimulation, try the flavoured balm - it has a warming effect and can be simply licked off when you're done (and it's also cheap - $3). So the next tirn6 you're about to get it on, spend a litde time 'with your partner's nipples first - if handled properly, you may have your lover aroused in a ",,~ole new way. Exploring parts of the body other than the genitalia can be a lot of fun, not to mention super rewarding!



Anger breWing over globalization Georgetown. Slogans on theit signs in~~ ''Banks is life," "Our nation, our beer" and ''Banb ", runs in Guyana's blood." I have at least one London-based friend who would claim to bleed LabattsBlue (abreathalyserwouldlikelyconlkmit). but the Guyanese have elevated the association. of'



After four months ofwllitingto see it, theissue that will finallypush Guyanaover the precipice andinto the abyss has finally reared its ugly visage. Paid television advertisements atedenouncinginvading ''patasites from the East," placard-wavingworkers have taken to the street, and excitable newspaper coll.lfIl11iSts ate declaring, "Our country is at stake here." Amidst this full-blooded panic I am sure of onlyonething:thatCanadianscancertainlyempathisewith Guyana's currentnatioruil ttaupla.After all, we're talking about beer here. Banks DIH, the brewerof the country's flagship brew, Banks Beer, is currently being circled by a ravenous Caribbean batracuda in the form of the Ansa MeAl group. MeAl is a Trinidadian conglomerate that brews Carib, Banks' chief competitor. Representatives ofAnsaMcAl publicly stated at the beginning of December that they ate "interested in the minimum of a majorityinterest, that is, greater than 51 percent [of the shates]," but later backtracked saying "No offer has been made to purchase any shares in Banks DIH Guyana." Uncertainty reigns for now, but the coUhtry is abuzz 'W>ith talk of the worst-case scenario: that Ansa Mcal is seeking to snap up Banks DIH only in order to shUt it down. The workers' protestthat happened the other daywaslow-keybylocalstandards.SixtyorsoBanks employees marched and chanted in central

voice on this issue has been unanimous point Banks must remain in Guyanese In one form or another, Banks DIH and its ancestors have been brewing in Guyana for over 150years (thecountry itself is bately past 40) andis one ofthe few private enterprises that has managed to endure, and even, thrive, through Guyana's turbulenthistory ofpolitical strife, stifling communist rule and neatbankruptcy. Furthermore, there is hatdly a local sporting event, concert or patty that does not have Banks' stamp of support all over it. In GeorgetO\vn you can buy Banks in every beer gatden, every corner shop guys pushing wheeled coolers down the It is everywhere. But all sentimentality morepressingconcem to Guyana is the facuhat Banks employs over 1,500 people and contrib-

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''Ultimate Questions" The Lord Jesus Christ is the difference. Learn about Him. Bible study by correspondence. Please send name and address to: Bible study, Zion United Reformed Church 1238 Main St., Sheffield, ON LOR lZ0 or email See web site: on Links, ask for . book. Sign up today, it's free. Mustan Computer Systems Inc - sales and service, free pickup and delivery, service charge flat rate $35. For all your computer needs call 886-6004. Essay Help- Need help with any of your essays? Take the help of highly qualified graduates. We are able to work at all academic levels and cover most academic subjects. Top quality writing, editing, and research provided. Call toll free to Custom Editing Services 1-888-345-8295, or customessay .com. Fax: 1-416-960-0240. We fix any computer problem - $45 flat

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June Smith 416-491-1370, cell: 416-7055648. Call Waterloo Off-Campus Housing (w.O.C.H.) for all your housing needs. Quality service and quality housing at 747-7276. Four bedroom, excellent location - close to everything, washer/dryer, dishwasher, air conditioning, parking, huge patio, perfect for students, only one space left. Call 141-7724, for more info. 23B High Street off Hazel - modern self contained 3 bedroom, living room kitchen, complete bathroom, free laundry and parking. Group tenancy for three students, no pets, 12-month lease required - May 1/05 to Aug 30/06. $415 per student, utilities included. Contact June Smith at 416-491-1370, cell: 416705-5648. Five bedroom house - excellent location, close to everything, very clean, washer/ dryer (not coin operated), gas heated, two bathreoms, large driveways, on bus route, large backyard patio. Call 741-7724. 11 & 13 Menno - very modern, recently built, RlOOO duplex, five bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, kitchen, livingroom, diningroom, unfurnished, free laundry & parking, no pets. Group tenancy for five students, 12-month lease required, available Sep 1/05 to Aug. 30/06, $360 per

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HELP WANTED Weekend counsellors and relief staff to work in homes for individuals with developmental challenges. Minimum eightmonth commitment. Paid positions. Send resume to Don Mader, K-W Habilitation Services, 108 Sydney Street, Kitchener, ON,N2G3V2. Imprint Publications needs two distribution people for winter term delivery, January 7 to April 1, 2005. Please see Laurie, SLC 1116, between 9:30 a.m. 5 :30 p.m. for information. Let's make this your best summer yet Camp Wayne, northeast Pennsylvania, USA. Counselor-specialists aliland/water sports inc. Tennis, golf, baseball, soccer, outdoor adventure: camping,

mountain biking, climbing/ropes, roller hockey, rocketry, fme arts, theater, radio, video, CDL drivers, wait staff and more. RN's for our health center. Interviews in conjunction with 4-School Job Fair,Wednesday, February 2. Let's get the ball rolling now! Online applicatism e-mail: www.campwayne.cOJTI; or 1-888-5492963 (516-883-3067). Extend-A-Famiiy part time positions providing in-home and community support to individuals with developmental! physical challenges in a variety of programs. Providers will be reliable, energetic, and committed. Up to $10.40 hourly. Contact Recruitment 74i-0190, ext 38, Part-time employment-fun, games, sports and crafts with after-school children at Laurelwood Public School. Walking distance from university. Interested persons should leave a message at 741-8997.

Do YOll \ldlerji,()11l excessh'e tlnxiel;r tlnd won)'? - do you experience overwhelming worry about real life ((Incems? - do you experience rating thoughts that IIKIke you feel anxious? - do. your worries result in you experienting musde tension, headaches, backuches, being restless, moody and irritable? - do these worriesame thoughts interfere with yo~r doily functioning? The K-W Mood and Anxiety Research Centre is looking for men and women who are suffering from Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), to participate in a research study examining the effectiveness of a new medication treatment. All information collected will remain confidential. You must be over 18 years of age. For more information please call:

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In the past century there have only been three or four earthquakes as massive as the one on Decembtr 26 that hit 9.0 on the Richter scale. The underwater quake displaced a vast amount of water when the ocean floor shot upwards, causing the deadly tsunami that produced waves over 10 meters high up to 5000km away from the epicentre of the quake. The earth has four layers: the inner core, outer core, mantle and crust. The mantle is the largest area, extending2,900km belowtheearth''S surface and is composed of solid minerals. The heat &om the core causes convection currents as hot rocks move out &000 the centre and then fall. It is these currents that drive continental drift. The crust is only 30km deep and is made up of the least dense rocks, which makes it relatively cold and brittle compared to the hot iron core. The sudden movement of tectonic plates causes earthquakes. There are 18 tectonic plates that make up the earth's crust and the worst quakes happen at the fault lines where two plates meet. Transform or sheer faults are when two plates slide past each other - this is what


nee und r the mieroseo e

happens along the San Andreas Fault in California. In a convergent fault, two plates crash into each other:, one plate is forced upwards, one is then "subducted" underneath the other. That's how the December 26 tsunami was formed. ,A third tYpe is the divergent fault where the sheet of crust is pulled apart, causing a large crack in the middle and allowing molten rock to spew up. The sudden movements of the plates occur when the stress &om the mantle exceeds the strength of the rocks in the crust. The Dec. 26 tsunami was caused by the Indian plate sliding underneath the AUStralian plate. As the earth's crust was forced upwards, it displaced hundreds of cubic metres of water along an area as large as 1000km long and 100km wide. The water then had to ,. come down and spread out moving across the full depth of the ocean. These waves traveled up to 700km an hour, and are much different then the superficial waves caused by storms. Tsunami waves decelerate as they reach the coast. For those people watchlrlg as the tsunami hit, the first thing they would have noticed was a massive withdrawal of water into the ocean immediately followed by a wall of water surging inland. The reach of the

here Kermit went Before we're off and running however, since our focus is students - that's you - I've come up with a few wallet-friendly tips that you can use to make your own life a little more green. Feed your addiction: carry a lug-a-mug and get cheap cheap cheap coffee at the oncampus C&Ds. The bigger, the better! ~Ihat the heck is this sustainability thing I keep Quarters were made for skeeball: buy a hearing about? drying rack and save yourself the heartache of For those ofyou who like textbook definitions coin-operated clothes dryers. (and you know who you are) I give you, straight Stylish and functional: cloth grocery bags &om the United Nations Commission on Enviare guaranteed not to rip through the bottom ronment and Development, "meeting the needs on your long walk home from the supermarket. of the present without compromising the ability Screw,Parking Services: walk, ride or take of future generations to meet their own needs." the bus. It'll help you meet that new yeat's 'Why should you care? Well, let me tell you. resolution to get in shape. We've inherited a dirty planet from our parents Recycle, recycle, recycle: we're still talkand their parents before them - polluted air ing about it because it's still important. There and water, degraded soils, a grO\ving list of are those big blue bins around campus - use endangered and extinct species and a shrinking them. If you need a blue box at your house, amount of untouched nature left on our little the city gives them out for free blue-green Earth. ( Wouldn't it be nice if our children never Earn Brownie points: reducing \\<'aSte for knew what air quality advisories were: or beach your company on a co-op term means saving closures due to high coli form counts? \1(;'hat if employers money; they like when you do that. they never get a chance to see an eagle fly, or This includes starting recycling initiatives that drink water, from a glacial stream? ' reduce garbage disposal fees. It sounds serious and it is, but it's not all File: Print: Properties: double-sided printdoom and gloom. This is a column about hope , irig,printonlongedge.:Mostcampusprintersare for the future - a new hope, if you will. way cheaper when you use both sides of the You can look forward to a semester-long, paper. I know your essay won't go as far '."hen cross-campus adventure tour hosted by yours the stair method of marking is employed, but it's truly. Each week I'll bring you an exciting initiaa small price to pay for saving the ttees, my friend., tive by Waterloo students who are making a difference for our planet. Foil the Tim Horton's ladies: tell me, do Wait, come back! It's'not all Birkenstocks you really need a bag for your bags? and patchouli oil. Wbat if I told you there are All of these simple tips ate easy to implement plans in the works to put a secret rooftop and can save time, tponey and the planet. As an garden somewhere on campus, or that there are added bonus at no extra cost to you is thatwatm, peopl~ working to get you a bus pass to anyfuzzy feeling that you just can't buy at Wal-11art. where in the tri-city area? Grab a paper each Trust me - your children will thank you. and every week to find out about hot students doing cool things for the planet.

water is determined by the slope of the coast. A shallow slope means water can travel much ,further inland. The tsunami was actually a train of waves with the middle wave being the largest. As the water escapes back to sea, it can catty almost anything with it, which is why there are still so many missing people. Astronomers and geophysicists are now trying to use satellite images and other scientific methods to test their model of how the Earth works. If their predictions are correct, then the force of the quake would have shifted the north pole in the line oflongitude ofJapan, essentially makingN0rthAmerica2.S em further south and Japan and China 2.S.em more south. Their other prediction is that the quake sped up the rotation of the Earth by three millionths of a second per day. But the fact that the earth is constantly slowing down because of the moon, will correct the faster rotation in about 100 days. Convection currents and centuries of stress in the tectonic plates caused the earthquake that produced the devastating waves of the tsunami. The seismic events that took place are rare but serve as reminders that our planet is ever-changing.

Glossary 01 Terms Richter scale - A logarithm of the amplitude of the waves measured on a seismograph

Tsunami - Japanese for harbour wave. Tsunamis are caused by seismic events such as landslides, volcanic eruptions under the ocean and by massive earthquakes Tectonic plates - Stable area~ of the earth's crust that are floating on the mantle Epicentre - point on the surface of the earth where an earthquake occurs

Convection - Heat transfer by the circulation of currents from one region to another'

SubduCtion - A geologic"process in which one edg& of one tectonic plate is forced below the edge of another

h eason


o Dan Micak .. .------.-~----~


.. -





During their break from OUA league play over the holidays, the \xi arriors men's basketball team added a story to ,vhat they hope will be a season that goes dmvn in the history books. Ata tonmarnent hosted by Bishop's Univerthe \'{'arriors, playing without coach 'fom Kieswetter (who had been thrown out of the game for incurring two technical fouls) came back from a 13 point deficit to defeat their hosts by 11:ue 'fh;;: \Varriors started slow out of the gate and the Gaitors took advantage pulling lead. During halftime, coach Kieswerter spoke to his nationally third-ranked team about the statement a loss would make to their hopes for a national championship. Inspired, the Warriors began the second half strongly, scoring seven uncontested points and then tying the game by the four-minute mark. A rninute later, a tip-in by senior forward Chris Edwards was waved off and TIlled offe11Si\T Angered at the coach Kieswener protested and was assessed a techni-cal foul. Dc-spite the foul, Kieswettcr persisted

Kieswcttet's "~!J"HU"_~, senCe of assistant coaches lefl: the game in the hands of the The \''/arriors proceeded

break apat1 the as much as 13 points before concluding with a 70-61 vi.crm),. "I don'r think I've ever been so proud of a team in tenns of focus and the ability to overcome clifficult situations," said Kieswetter, who also acknowledged the key role l\1ike Sovran a player/ coach. The \'\' arrbrs were not so fortunate in their second game of the tournament as they feU vlctijl1 to a game-winning buzzer-beater by the streaking LJ niversity of Quebec arMomreal. "This was another important lesson for us," noted Kieswettcr. "I hIT have any aspirations of going anywhere, these mistakes can't happen." The story written by the \"Varriors in the Bishop's tournament was a fitting cap to the first halfofa seasonwhichsm.Ythe \'V'arriofsgo 7-1 in




OUA play and reach the third rank nationally, a position they continue to occupy going into the second half of their season. The Warriors' sole loss during the OUA regular schedule came in their second-to-last game before the holiday break. The \'{'ardors fell to the nationally top-seeded and two-time defending CIS champion Carleton Raycns a score of 58-52. The Warriors keptdlegame close, even leading at the halfby a score of 35-31. The \X;' ardors got strong perf01mances in the game from Graham Jarman, who notched 16 points, and Dave Munkley, who put up 14. Despite the loss, the game proved that the \"C'arriors could compete with the best team in the o UA, ,,,,hich bodes well for the team as they enter the stretch dl1ve. Carleton coach Dave Smart noted of the Warriors, "It's a tough league to play in, but does this I\>:;'aterloo] team have the horses to go 211? Absolutely." In response, coach Kies\vetter said, "I don't expect us to go undefeated for the rest of the season. But my expectation is we're going to finish stJ:ong." The Warriors quickly bounced back horn lllCix lonedefeatbydroppingthe U niversilyofOttawa8479.JannanputinarecordsctringpetlT,rmancemthe contest, dropping 18 of18 free a \'\/arrior

six assists and five rebounds. Dave Munklt~}, posted 23 points in Looking ahead, the \Varriors ,vill venture to Sudbury on Friday ,January 7 to begin the second half of their championship drive against dle Laurentian Voyageurs. on January 10, the \"I'an1ors will travel to Toronto to face the 8-2 York Lions, who sit in second place behind the Carleton Ravens in the OUA's East division. As Kieswetter noted of the rest of the 5e3",011, "It's a boring cliche -- one game at a time -- but itis significant Ifwe\vantto be successful, we can't look past certain teams oroverlook our opponents. "A big objectiye [for us] is hosting [playoffj games. Any time you Citn get a little edge, you should go for it." And the story continues ...

--/vit/!Jiles jiVtll Adam .M(Glfire


Warriors' forward Dave Munldey drives to the hoop for a lay-up against the Carleton Ravens. The December 4 game showcased the OUA's top two teams, with higher-ranked Carleton coming out on top 58路52.




Sunday, January 9, 2005

VVednesday,January 12,2005

2:00 pm, os Wind~or Lancers UWCIFArena

(W) 6.'00 pm, (M) 8:00 pm us Windsor Lancers VWPACGym



Warriors topple Western Rod McLachlan IMPRINTSTAFf

In the world of sports, confidence. mixed with skill andhatd work can give teams a competitive advantage over an opponent. On December 30, the Warriors men's hockeyteanl teceived an early New Years gift- a giant confidence boostwhen they squeaked out a 4-3 win over the Western Mustangs. With the victory, UW not only beattheMustangsforthefitsttimeinfiveyears.buttheyalso caused thenumber-fournationally-rankedMus.:. tangs to lose their own invitational tournament, the Western Holiday Classic, in the championship game for the second straight year. WatedoohadtodefeattheLaurierGoldenHawks in ordertogainenttyintothefinalgame,which they accomplished with a 2-0 win on the previous day. Despite having trouble defeating the Mustangs over the past fewyears. the Warriors took a commanding 3-0 lead in the final contest and never looked back, playing a complete two-way game and peppering UWO's goalie Mike D'Alessandro with 43 shots. UW's rookienetminderNickPannonieamed the win, stopping 30-plus shots and making amends for sorne less-than-stellar play in a 5-2 loss to Guelph back on November 13. Western kept the game close by tallying two lightningmatkers to close out the second period. Following the second intermission the two clubs swappedearlygoals, however, the Warriors were up to the challenge and staved off the Mustangs' attack to win 4-3.


L.A. King to coach lady Warriors Kadar replaces Bill Antler, who had been the head coach ofthe program since UW debuted in the OUA back in 2002-03. After missing the playoffs the last two seasons, the club has sttuggled under Antler this year, registering a disappointing3-7-1 record.

An impressive seven UW players factored

into Waterloo's fourgoals with fonner Kitcheuer Ranger Alex MacDoneJl scoringtwice. In the win over Lautiet on the previous day, UW's right wingers Hurley and Philpott provided all of the offensive output that Waterloo needed to advance in the annual invitational. Backstopping the Warriors to victory and eamingrus third shutout of the season was fitstyear goaltender Curtis Darling, who put on a clinic byputtinga stop to all ofLaurier's scoring chances,includingasecondperiod three-on-one. Waterloo got on the board early on the goal by Hurley and then closed the door on the Hawks,stoppingalloftheirpowerplaychimces. The opening period saw Laurier fail to capitalize on a two-on-one when Darling stopped one low shot to his left before diving to block a second blast off the rebound that was ditected towards the opposite side of the net. In the thirdwith 6:35 left, Waterloo finally got its insurance goal when Philpott stripped the puck from the Laurierdefence and then fired the puck past the Hawks' goalie. Up next for the Warriors will be a regularseason home-and-horne series against the Mustangs. The first game is itt London on Friday, January 7. The Warriorsthen head home the for the second game the following day, which also happens to be minor hockey night at 7:30 p.m. Many events and promotions are in the works for this special home game.

-with jiles.from UW men's hockry team

Disappointing autumn for women's Dan Micak and Adam McGuire



The Warriors' final OUA game of 2004 was characteristic of their season thus far as the team dropped the contest 68-53 to the Laurier Golden Hawks, who lead the OUA West division with a recordof8-1. RookieguardKimberlyLee netted 17 and grabbed 8 rebounds in the losing cause. The Warrior women's basketball team will open 2005 on Sunday,January9when they host the Wittdsor Lancers. The young Warriors hope to improve on the 2-8 record they have recorded thus far.

Warr:i0rs women hockey team bags new coach The Waterloo Warriors women's hockey program used the holiday break to sbakethings up, as Mike Kadar was named the new head coach of the team. Although this is Kadar's first venture into women's hockey, he has already made a name for himself on the biggest of hockey stages - he is the strength and conditioning coach for the NationalHockey League's Los Angeles Kings. ButwhlleKadaradmits the new job will hold many challenges,he is confident that the lessons he has leamedin pro hockey are applicable torus new team at UW. ''1 think you keep all the same goals in mind whether you're working in the NHL or at the university level," Kadar said. "We will develop a solid work ethic." Kadar is still under conttact with the Kings, but with the NHL in the grips of a long-lasting labour dispute, the job at UW seemed like a natural fit. However, if the league and player's union come to an agreement before the NHL season is cancelled, Kadar's stint as a Warrior could be a short one.

Men's volleyball team continues to seek first win of season At 0-10 for the season, the Warriors men's volleyball team hope to begin 2005 on a sttong notewhentheyfacethe8-2McMasterMarauders on Saturday, January 8 in Hamilton. The Warriors then return home to face the Windsor Lancers on Wednesday, January 12. The Warriors struggled through the latter half of the 2004 portion of the schedule, last winning a set six games ago in their November 7 contest with Royal Military College.

-with files.from UWathletics

It's a damn good thing 'we 'won!

It's a good thing Canada ttounced Russia 6-1 to win the gold medal at the World Junior Hockey Championships earlier this week. It's a damn good thing, because there is no telling what 33 million angry Canadians are capable of. I mean, it's not like we would have gotten so mad as to pick nuclear fights with anyone thatlooked at us cock-eyed (after all, we're not Americans) , but a loss to the Ruskies in the championship final certainly would have pushed Canada U; the edge. And what's worse is that, while Canada had a comfortable five-goal lead after two periods, fans north ofthe forty-ninth stillcouldn'tbreathe easilygiventherecentperfonnancesofourjunior nationals. In fact, before Canada ended a sevenyear gold medal drought, they had blown third period leads in the last three gold medal games. But even though Canada held on this year, it makes me wonder just how we would have reacted if Canada had lifted their legs and pissed away another third period lead last Tuesday. It would have been a colossal collapse both on and off the ice for Canadians. So without further ado, we'll pick it up at the statt of the third period with Canada leading 6-1. Warning: the following is purely fictional and bares no resemblance to realevents- thank God! Forty-one seconds into the period, Russian sniper Alexander Ovechkin snaps a wrist shot past Canadian goalieJ effGlass to make the score 6-2. Canadians watching on televisions across the country make snide remarks about how the Russians still have no chance, but in ttue Canadian style, they compliment Ovechkin's shot.

CeciJ he put 'er top she!! dere, eM

A mere two minutes and 32 seconds later, Roman Volosbenko deposits a softwrister past Glass to draw the Russians within three. Canadian head coach Brent Sutter begins fo stroke his chin in what can only be described as frustration. After holding the Russians off for a short time, Ovechkinsiaps home a rebound at the 9:43 mark to make the score 6-4. Sutter calls a time out and showers a mix of encouragement and tearinducing curse words upon his team. Also, it's after this goal that the television commentators firstmake reference to Canada's late collapses in recent years, thereby sealing Canada's CUtsed fate. The Russians pour on the pressure now, and it's notlong before alazywrister by defenseman Dimitri V orobiev beats Glass cleanly from 40 feet out to make it 6-5 with 4: 17 remaining. The television audience across the nation throws a bevy of empty Molson cans at their sets. With 1:56 remaining in the third, Ovechkin completes the hat trick when he banks a shot in off two defenders. Sutter's head explodes. Finally itt the game's closing minute, Evgeni r.Wkin scores a nearly impossible goal to give Russia the victory. I tis clear Canada is cursed, as the winning goal deflected off of three Canadians, two Russians, the referee, the back ofthe net and the spectator in row F, seat 17 before trickJing behind Glass. Canadians sob uncontrollably, and Sutter's screams of honor are heard clearly despite the fact he no longer has a head. Itis the datkestdayin Canadian history. Or, itmighthave been if this scenario had occurred. But the great thing about this scenario is that it didn't happen. Canada now holds every major international tournament title, giving puck fans in our country cause for celebration. But, after seeing what migllt have happened had Canada lost, fans have a r\ason to sigh in relief too. Geez, you'd think we took our hockey seriously or something.

NEEDS YOU!!! This student-directed project aims to provide a diverse assortment of activHies to students of all ages, while increasing studenUnvolvement on campus. Since its inception In September 2002, Warrior Weekends has grown significantly and become easily recognized on campus. For the upcoming term, 4 weekends are in the works, wHh events like our famous movie nights, dance lessons, unlimited Campus Cove play (for $5) and open gym time. Monthly coordinators, event leaders and event staff are neededlln addition to maldng new friends, gefflng a fabulous t-shirt and enjoying our scrumptious snacks, volunteers will gain useful event planning, leadership, advertising and interpersonal sldlls. To volunteer visit the Warrior Weekends website at: or e-mail our term director: Vanessa Rampersad:

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Neal Moogk-Soulis and Christine Loureiro help in the reliefeffort, they arecaJling out to the international community for their help." early...


Neal Moogk-Soulis and Christine Loureiro help in the reliefeffort, they arecaJling out to the international community for their help." early...