Missing by OTk
eiaff
Being in an inebfrom his hotly contested election victory, he failed to wake up from the frosty stimulation and falling snow flakes soon covered his bouncer crumpled form. Missing since then, McBrowner’s body evaded all search efforts and came to light due to the seasonal weather. His body was found by the Athena squash’ team which had volunteered search time instead of
Recently elected OTR Editor Mike McBrowner, who went missing after ‘a post-election celebration party at The Bombshelter, has been found dead in the melting snow drifts at the rear door the The Bombshelter. Apparently Mike was lofted out the rear doors after the midnight deadline for leaving through the Campus Centre and landed in a large drift ,of freshly
fallen
snow,
riated
state
Fridqy,~l,l@=
running stairs. Melting snow revealed Mike’s body just metres from the Bombshelter’s rear doors.
“It was like I had won something big.” Team member was the first
M. Paines,
who
to find the partially
defrosting form, recalls her first impressions, “It was like I had won something big! I went straight out and bought 10 6/49 tickets! Could I be so lucky twice in a row!,” said the heart of the team. Immediately after the body was discovered, staff held an emergency meeting and decided the operation of the paper could not go on without McBrowner. Robert Day was appointed to look into the possibilities of resurrection in the hope that Mike will be available for work in the near future, In the interim, McBrowner’s body is being kept in cold storage by Village One Food Services. Campus cops are attempting *to determine which of the budding sadists at the Bombshelter will be charged in the case.
Ex editor to leave for Lebanon By Andy Rage OTR staff It was with great adulation this week that Steeb Popgun tendered his resignation as editor of the UW’s own Off The Record. After serving as editor for six long and aggravating terms, Popgun finally threw in the towel, “I’ve had it with the idiots running this university. They always try to cram what I should print down my throat. Fuck ‘em! I’m goin’ to Lebanon to do some real news work.”
Steeb stated that his interest in the Middle East was spawned by a lucrative offer from The Islamic Jihad, a popular tourist organizing faction. Popgun first wanted to start his own magazine after his work at the Off The Record. “Ya, I was gonna start this really glossy and colourful mag with, like, a three page pullout, but these Tihad guys just phoned me up and gave me an incredible job offer.” While stationed in the Middle East, Popgun would be in charge
i
University of Waterbo President Doug Right reacts to Federation of Students demands for greater representation on the university’s senate and board of governors, as ,well as calls for more Arts
Fight puts 32,0( ( UW trees on ho c The S,A,A. (Student Apathy Association) is on the verge of breaking up over the Alumni Lane Campaign. At last week’s general meeting, S.A.A, activist Melinda MallardDuck seconded a controversial proposal by Treasurer Tom Foghorn, who suggested the S.A.A. purchase 32,000 willow saplings to be planted by each graduating class between now and the year 33,988. A lively debated erupted when long-time member Jane Burp introduced a counter proposal. “Instead of planting 32,000 willows, why not go for fruit trees?” Burp asked. “We can sell the fruit to the returning alumni and put the profits toward the 1988 Canada Day budget, which is expected to be 99 per cent over budget anyway.” The group immediately polarized as half the members rallied behind Foghorn, while the others supported Burp. President Tom Markas was forced to adjourn the meeting when S.A.A. extremist John Lynch jumped Foghorn and a scuffle ensued.
FROZEN LIKE AN ICE CUBE= Mike McBrowner in wdmrer days, giving his friend Steve Kannon a “cozy” em~iwi3.
Photo by Pletr Stathls .
US. Marines start recruiting accounting students w -
of proof reading for the Islamic Jihad Militant Banner, a conservative weekly magazine promoting Lebanon and the friendly people of Beirut. The magazine was established several years ago to help promote Lebanon’s global image which has been so badly damaged by world news. When asked why he so eagerly changed his career aspiration, Steeb ,replied; “I’ll be working with a professional group of people, have excellent advancement possibilities, and an extremely good health plan. With my luck, I”11 be kidnapped, stay at the Hilton, and meet some gorgeous babes at the pool too.” Popgun also hopes to have an adventurous life outside of work. “I’ll be a foreigner there and have an accent. Chicks dig that sort of thing. I’ll get stooked every night. Who could-ask for more?” Steeb Popgun worked as editor for the Off The Record and brought it to its height as a student awareness paper and slagmag. Popgun is credited with degrading literary content within the paper and received many awards on behalf of Off The Record. “Its been the shitiest two years’ of my life. I hate the people that work here. They all bother me. No one can do anything on their own- Stupid bastards! I’ve got a real job now and I’ll be working for a cool mag on the other side of the fucking globe!” How does Steeb feel about his *‘I’ve worked a good fortune? long time in this industry. Success comes to hard workers who learn from the school of hardknocks and I feel this is my great reward for all my hard work. I feel pretty lucky. Sex and drugs are easy to get, if you can keep from getting shot, and I’ll get
In an obvious move to take advantage of the accountingdepartment’s poor social conditions, U.S. Marine Corps recruitment officers have flocked to UW to sign up accounting students disillusioned and dejected by the lack of options open to them after graduation. The distress these students must be feeling is understandable: they want to become accountants. But some called tile foreign military agents coming here to take advantage of our poor treatment of these cogs “abhorrent”. Seargent 1.M. Afuckingstupidphallicwarrior, of the Marine Corps, found nothing wrong with the practice, and complimented the students: “They can add two and two, and they can subtract it, and they’ll still follow orders.” He was equally pleased with the administration’s reception, and indicated the university would consider a stint in Central America “valuable workterm experience.” Some Canadian Armed Forces officials expressed outrage over having been had, and one vowed never again “to allow foreign agents to set up for extermination youths we should have made into cannon fodder years ago.” But officials in the Federal Government were encouraged by this first example of what WE. Followtheleaderlikeaherdofgod-
paid
damnsheep
for
my work.”
-
Steeb Popgun will be leaving the UW newspaper in mid-May and will begin working in Beirut by the beginning of June. Mike McBrowner was elected as the new-editor of the Off The Record earlier this spring to replace Popgun. “I’m glad the asshole is finally leaving, I think I’ll be able to turn this paper around.” McBrowner commented.
Story and photo by I. bellwemythlng
structive indication
called
“a very
con-
and promising of the inclination of cross-border diffusion at the government level, and, of course what our government hoped to see with the free trade agreement of October and signed last January to ensure our cultural sovereignty and prosperity for the friends and families of those who- signed and negotiated the
deal and screw the rest, es@: . cially women, natives, poor people, or any group or region that didn’t vote for us, and that’s why we did Meech Lake too.” Though the Marines are profiteering in lives off the diced vegetables of our society’s education processor, almost every accounting student has signed up. Officials at the school of accountancy reported over w1 per cent of on campus students had indicated their desire to join the ranks of the famed “red(leatherlnecks”, and said also “most” students on. workterm had phone. enquiring about the recruitment drive. But a member of the Citizen’s Commission on Human Rights (a group not at all linked to the Church of Scientology and L. Ron Hubbard) who wished to remain anonymous, did not say he hoped the U.S.M.C. would divert some of its profits back to his organization for their efforts in netting so many converts. The next few days will see if the USMC. fills its government cattle production quota, or expands its recruitment drive into the faculty of engineering, a faculty Afuckingstupidophallicwarrior called “ripe for the dicking.” l
Boulevard
band beats c-ritic to! death by Andy Rage OTR staff Staff Arts writer Peenie Peepes was found murdered last night. His badly beaten body was found at the newspaper’s office floor by Kurt Waldheim, the CC janitor. Apparently, Peepes was sitting at his desk when the rock group BOULEVARD walked into the office, According to eyewitness reports, the BOULEVARD members began to beat Peepes in a horrifying display of violence. Witnesses say the band members took the defenseless Peepes from his desk, dragged
him to the floor and started to beat and jump on the writer. The group savagely beat Peepes without mercy, imbedding his stalky frame in the concrete floor. Peepes was heard yelling at’ the band: “Fuck off you Vancouver faggots! I said you sing stupid songs. You eat shit too!” It w&s believed that the attack was the result of a scathing review of BOULEVARD’s record debut by Peepes in the paper a few weeks ago. Peepes was threatened with legal action by BOIJLEVARD’s lawyers for printing that the band lacked anything resembling talent and looked like a group of Vancouver
homosexuals. Regional police are searching for the BOULEVARD group for further questioning. Peepes is survived by his wife Aaron and two children. Funeral arrangements have not been finalized but it is believed that his body will be stuffed and bronzed for the National Art Gallery of Greece.
It i. I?
. mathNEWS coup .Rambo beats the hell out Of Ruskies again, saves world
,
After much heated debate amongst the Federation of Students and the university senate, mathNEWS will replace the Impript as the official student newspaper this coming term. Representation appeared to be the key issue in the discussion. UW President Dudley DoWright stated:‘“It’s time we take our image of being the geekiest university inCanada serious1 . This starts with having a tru r Y sample of stUrepresentative dents as the official student voice for the university.” Staff at mathNEWS see this a’s a major victory for the future of all Waterloo geeks. "It's high
overabundance ties on campus
of social ameni- this last issue
The sports section, -will be dropped due to a lack of athletic skills and interests amongst mathies. “We’re here to integrate equations, not to dribble basketballs,!’ a staff spokesperson said. mathNEWS proposes to replace Arts record reviews with computer game ratings, and software reviews. The Doberman rating system will be replaced with slide ruler ratings. .“What’s Up Dot” and “Camp& uestion” will also be signifiQ ‘cantly altered. “We’re tired of these artsie questions - let’s get down to addressing issues that affect all Not Ever Relaxed or Drunk Students,” mathNEWS feels that in the coming year they have their work cut out for them. “Abolishing. all socially -oriented articles .will be our first task. Hopefully 63;“ &h &d of next year, any Waterloo geek can pick up his/her student newspaper and feel nroud,”
by Ann Gree Pa&fist The latest iti the trilogy of Rambo movies, begun with First Blood and followed by Rambo: First Blood Part II, will soon arrive, and it will be crap like the first two. What do the people who make these movies fantasize about? We can be sure Sly Stallone, democracy’s only hope, fantasizes about the time .he spent in a Swiss girl’s finishing school during the Vietnam War. But what of the people who PAY, usually six dollars, to see a musclebound speech impediment killing everyone he sees?
Top Ten lane Siberry Compiled
I can only imagine little boys with toy guns fighting over who sits in the front seat on the way to the supermarket, or the beach. Perhaps they are sexually impotent and desire to assert their power over others by destroying them. It is not unlikely some in the audience dream of wearing green paint and muddy clothes and running through the forest shooting at anything that moves, and then settling back for a while to wipe the red paint off their arms while thinking of how important and superior they are to the things. they have destroyed. But enough of this whining, let’s get to the movie.
Rambb does something. unAmerican like run-out of ammo or out of stupid things to say, millions of starry eyed sponges won’t even notice because they will have ejaculated all over themselves (to death) before the. opening credits have even finis hed. Don’t see this movie. I have not seen this movie. It is armed crap. Don’t pay $6 to see a free advertisement for the military.
The threat to war posed by the declared Soviet pullout from Afghanistan did present the producers of this film with certain problems, as did the jeering of “yuppies” the film drew at advanced screenings in parts of the U.S. But, we are talking about Hollywood, where they can produce everything from House II to an American President (at least you don’t have to endure the movie), and that means even if satires
by Ben Dover
that didn’t
make it into Off The Record
and Phil McCracken
10. Reports that her records are used to torture prisoners in Paraguay are fiercely denied, 6. Early photos of Jane in nude poses are unearthed, Playboy and Penthouse express little interst: “we print skin not science fiction”. 8. Kidnapped by crazed Imprint staffer - ransom of “a case of Stock Ale and gas money” is refused. 7. Checked into Betty Ford Center for “tofu and beansprout dependency”. 6. Official Jane Siberry t-shirts. revealed to contain lethal toxic dye. 5, Disgruntled former ‘close friend’ claims that Jane used to be a man. 4. ‘Takes to drink when told she’s not wanted on this summer’s “Monsters of Rock” tour. 3. Signs merchandising deal with seafood firm, she’s to become the new “Captain Highliner”. 2. Jane pays a visit to the Imprint office and ‘extracts a Horrible Revenge. 1, Jane perfornis an entertaining concert at the Humanities Theatre, making thousands happy. (Ha Ha Ha Ha).
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Waterloo now home to new tractor-pull team Basketball, hockey, and football will all have to take a back seat on the Waterloo varsity sports scene next season. The athletic deDartment announced last week ihat it has begun plans to start a varsity tractor pull team next September. “We’re ecstatic about the whole thing,” said Athletic Director Carl Totzke. “We feel that Waterloo has been lagging behind the times by not having this type of activity at the university. The tractor pull is the sport of the future, and right now its at the height of its popularity. We feel fan support will be phenomenal - can you imagine 4,000 drunken steel workers jammed into the PAC on a Friday night? That would be great.” Totzke and men’s athletic director Wally Delahey went equipment shopping last week to officially kick off the program, As a result, four shiny, brand new John Deetie tractors currently sit on the PAC lawn, The athletic department has also closed down the PAC until further notice to allow for the dumping of three tons of dirt onto the gym floor. “The faster the dirt gets here the better,” said Delahey, “We want to get some practice pulls in before the end of exams. We’re hoping to hold a tournament or a big foot truck smash just to generat e some interest .” Recruiting has already started, and Waterloo has grabbed two prime prospects from the U.S. Vern Williamson from Charlotte, N.C. and Gump Lever of Atlanta, Georgia have already signed four-year scholarships to attend Waterloo. Williamson, a d&year-old father of six, was philosophical about his new athletic venture, “Ya know, I ain’t booksmart or nothin’,” said.Williamson. “SOS I was kinda scared comin’ to a booklearnin’ place an’ all. But Wally and Carl tells me that they can get me into some kinda practical thing like weldin’ or shearin’ or blastin’. An ya know, the chicks here ain’t bad neither. But ya know, I don’t know what to think about them non-smokin’ laws cause when I need my butt, I need my butt. Ya know what I’m sayin’?” What Williamson was referring to was the new Industrial Arcs degree program starting at Waterloo this September. The
To the editor,
New members of UW “ain’t booksmart”, but are really determined to “do us proud”
Gump Lever (left) and Vern Williamson take a gander at some of Waterloo’s heavy equipment amid the smoke of a machine shop. The two are Waterloo’s athletic heroes of the future.
program was specifically set up know what I’d do without my fito accommodate the anticipated shin’. Now, all I gots to do is find influx of tractor pull scholarship a place to go huntin’.” students. The program will feaTotzke predicts that in the future such courses as auto meture, university sports will move chanics lab, spot welding, scab more toward sports like tractor pulls. bashing, mahagement ant agon“University sports have beizing, plant rule bending, lunchcome too elitist, we have to apbreak extending, Toronto peal more to the blue-collar Sun-girl art appreciation and adworker..If this tractor pull idea vanced euchre strategies. goes over big, we’ve got plans for “I like to think of myself as like more sports. Wally and myself a pioneer type of guy, cause I’m are looking at getting a bowling the first in the new course ya team here in 1989, and we’ve know?” added Williamson.“]: even talked about a lawn darts just wanna do Wally an’ Carl a darts proud. I think a schoolboy place 1 team, a euchre teati, league and maybe even a smashlike this needs a real man’s sport up derby.” like pullin’, cause right now all / Totzke also discussed plans to you’s got are fairy sports like do away with the old black and basketball.” gold varsity jackets+ and incorLever, a z&year-old ex-garage porate flannel hunting jackets mechanic, ex-garbage collector, and vests for all varsity athletes. ex-con, ex-bootlegger+ ex-rifle“I think flannel jackets are man, was also happy about his more fashionable anyway. Just move to the UW campus. look at what the kids are wear“I think Pm gonna like this ing to the malls these days, it’s place+++ he said. “I tias out by that already a fashion trend, we’re Columbia Lake place, an’ I think just a little bit behind.” it’ll be good for fishin’. I don’t
ENGINEERING
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cause of the season+ all these people have been weeping for me. This is entirely discouraging because it places a huge burden on me to die, and essentially seals my fate if CSIS doesn’t see fit to wed me to a crossbeam. But forget my personal plight, just ponder the implications of this misinformation campaign, These people have effectively deflecteddi responsibility for explaining Christ by publishing statements which make me accountable for the content of their “newsletters”. This shirking of responsibility is entirely unfair, not to mention libelous, and I find it disconcerting such a powerful organization wotild either deliberately slander me, or neglect to c&ck the university enrollment against names they wish to use so as not to harm the innocent. I urge you to act to end this violation of my human rights. Do not wait. You would not like to see: CHRIST IS DAVE, or CHRIST IS SUE. Time is running out! Do not wash your hands! Victor D. Vyne 2A Reiigioua Studies
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CHRIST IS NOT VICTOR. My name is Victor. I AM NOT CHRIST+ but I’m very pissed-off. Some one seems to have got the idea in his or her head that I am the messiah. I deny this emphatically. I am referring to a number of “newsletters” I have seen distributed around campus on at least two poster boards, in the math building and south campus hall, whose headlines blare: CHRIST IS VICTOR. Besides the fact I have no delusions of grandeur, I don’t even look like Christ. I am always clean shaven, and I keep my hair short, I don’t wear loin cloths, and I’ve never been to a toga party. I can’t turn water into wine, though I’m quite capable of the reverse+ and furthermore, I have no problem eating M&MS+ though I can walk on water in the winter, But what really pisses me off is the mob of people who follow me where ever I go, groping and grabbing at me as if I were some kind of TV evangelist, and writing down every word I utter, as if by “go to hell” I meant something more than *‘leave me alone.” Recently, and I think it’s be-
I
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49 I-5050
up
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all Records
OFF and tar>es .
FREE WALKtWAN
civner of Phillin ------r and Westmount
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Mudslinging
a factor at general meeting
Confusion
prevalant
Despite the adequate handling of conflict of interest situations arising in the Federation’s ast, the Federation’s structura P reConfusio-n and what some view committee designed AGM at tendants called “mudpreemptive measures to bind fuslinging” featured prominently ture executives. at the annual general meeting of Fifty people represented 67 the Federation of Students. votes because of 17 proxies. Most of the 12 bylaw changes Carmichael argued passing went through quickly at the the bylaw unchanged “would Tuesday night meeting: howmean changing the rules halfever, two motions sponsored by way through the game-.” His duShane Carmich.ael were ties as Canada Day chairman sqbash&l :-but’ not before the ,have been underway for several chairman of the: AGM +mtermonths. Past Federation executained some weighted attempts tive board meinber Darren Meisto discredit the r&pectability of ter challenged the argument that *Carmichael and his motions. the undergraduate electorate Recently-installed Federation were completely informed of President Adam Chamberlain Carmichael’s position as Canada went on record at the AGM as Day chairman. Carmichael adsupporting Vice-Presi.dent (Opmitted the information was not erations and Finance) Shane included with his co-op mail-out Carmichael. Carmichael’s deor on his political brochure. feated motion attempted to The motion to delay the execugrandfather a portion of the protive from sitting on the execuposed conflict of interest bylaw tives of other clubs or *change. He had hoped to be eligiorganizations petitioning money ble to serve as both the VPOF of from the Feds was defeated: 26 the IFeder~ti~n while chpiring t~~l~n~d~yDhji~i~~i~~~ t’t”. ’ L : vote&for “the motion, 42 voted . I Had the Carmichael motion . against the,mo.tion, and three abstained. The vote was carried passed, the VPOF would have out by secret ballot on a motion had his signing authority reby Tim Jackson. garding any Canada Day related Thomas White, the new chairFederation business transacman of the Board of Communications suspended. This was not tions supported Carmichael’s good enough for the 50 people complaint of changing the rules present at the Needles Hall half way through the game, board room. by Mike Brotin Imprint staff
WCRI residents *facin.g huge bills by Jacquie Griffin Imprint staff Large discrepancies in utility bills have pitted students against management at the Waterloo Co-operative Residents Inc.‘s new apartments on Phillip Street. Residents there face bills up to 400 per cent higher than those outlined at the beginning of term. Earlier this term, an agreement was made between the student residents and the management. Most of the units are home to four residents; a flat rate of $10 per person, per month was established for the utilities, which was supposed to remain - essentially stable. Residents received their first bill (for January] in March. Anticipating to pay between $45 and $60 per unit, students suddenly faced bills of $162 to $207. Bills for February+ March, and April are expected to follow the same pattern. The co-op apartments are generally regarded as a student-run facility, although WCRI is not exclusively a student residence. The administrative structure is not large enough, however, to deal with the overwhelming number of students in the residence. As a result, many of the payments for utilities were not
properly recorded and charged for in the fall term. Students now feel they are being forced to balance these payments. There is -also a concern residents are being charged for utilit y services in parts of the building out side their units. Karen -Crozman and Paula Gardner, members of the residence, received a’ .gas biil last month which included charges applicable to coin-operated dryers elsewhere in the building. There have also been charges to other students for heating and lighting in office areas of the building, and lighting in the hallways. An interdivisional council meeting was held March 24 to discuss the problem with management. This was attended by the president of WCRI, Karen Woughland. The students where told by management that they forgot to change the sublet agreement form. Crozman, who was present at the meeting, said it was never clear how this was the cause of the unexpectedly high utility bills. Crozman said there has been a major information problem between the management and students that must be alleviated. Legal help has been sought by the students and they hope changes will occur by next term,
White, like Carmichael, supports the intent of the conflict of interest section of the bylaws but commented, “You’re waiting a bit late guys.” After his amendment to keep the bylaws consistent with the constraints Carmichael expected when he was elected failed, he offered “Now I’ll have to decide whether to resign as VPOF.” At the close of the AGM, it was in with the new executive and out with the old. Chamberlain (president), Carmichael (vicepresident), and Rinella (vicepresident) all expressed their disappointment after support for Carmichael’s motion bombed. “The executive already decided how to handle the problem and was looking for support from the AGM,” Rinella said. According to Carmichael, he will get around the AGM ruling by- avoiding the petitioning of funds from the Federation, or else look at changing his involvement with either the Federation or Canada Day Committee, If Carmichael resigns as VPOF, a summer vote would be required at considerable expense, estimated at $5,000. Throughout the entire meeting there was confusion as to whether a two-thirds vote or a simple majority *vote was required. Chairman and 1987438 Federation President Ted Carlton ruled that simple majority. was applicable in the case of new bylaw changes: however, in other cases Robert’s Rules were ruled as legitimate which meant applying a two-thirds vote in the case of Carmichael’s motions, Carlton was challenged when the vote on ratifying the Women’s Issues Board was separated by 16 with 38 in favour while 22 were opposed. Meister moved that a two-thirds margin was necessary, which meant the bylaw would have been defeated. The outcome of the vote was based on discussion which found disfavour with the name; an argument was made by White that women’s issues are not just women’s issues, they concern men as well. The challenge to the chair resulted in the AGM body voting on whether Carlton’s ruling was correct or not. The membership was split. The count was 33 supporting Carlton’s advocacy for a simple majority and 33 in support for a required margin of two-thirds. The chair was temporarily handed to Federation Academic Researcher Peter Klungel during the challenge to the chair vote. As the chair, Kluhgel cast the deciding vote which supported Carlton and ratified the Women’s Issue Board. The bylaw passed by simple majority 34-33. Had it failed, the old structure of Women’s Commission would have been left intact but considerably subordinated to the more influential boards. Some of the “mudslinging” which went on surrounded Carmichael’s bid to make the Athletic Commission into a board.
at Fed AGM Tim Jackson challenged Carmichael’s past record as Athletic Commissioner. Carmichael countered, questioning Jackson’s abilities as a chair of the Board of Academic Affairs. Jackson was also fiercely opposed to Carmichael’s conflict of interest amendment.‘“The VPOF should have known of a conflict of interest going into the election,” Jackson said. Steve King’s motions to install a voting fee refundable after student’s vote and to initiate a refer-
Robinson anti-porn by Marc Brlrustowski Imprint staff Bill C-54 the Tory government’s new anti-porn legislation “is profoundly dangerous,” and, if enacted, “would undoubtedly make Canada the most culturally repressive nation in the western world,” according to Burnaby B.C. MP and NDP justice critic Svend Robinson, who spoke at WLU Monday. Robinson levelled several criticisms at the proposed legislation, yet to have a second reading in the Commons. The bill “fails to make any kind of distinction between erotica and pornography,” and he added “erotica for a conservative MP today is nudity, period, and only bne nude.” Under the bill, he explained, “any degree of sexual contact is illegal.” The bill includes in the definition of pornography “any visual matter that shows: a human sex-
endum to pass such a fee was soundly defeated. Carlton rendered King’s motion calling for a voting deposit fee impotent, ruling it out of order since a referendum for such a fee collection is required. King’s subsequent motion for a referendum failed since it was not seconded. Also passed at the AGM was an increase in the Federation of Students’ fee. The fee increase brings the current fee from $17.75 per term to $18.50 per term.
slams Tory legislation ’ ual organ, a female breast or the human anal region of, or in the presence of, person who is, or is depicted as being or appears to be, under the age of 18 years; masturbation or ejaculation .. . or vaginal, anal or oral inter-, course, or any matter or commercial communication that incites, promotes, encourages or advocates any conduct” described as pornography. If charged, the bill would force “the artist to prove the merit of his or her work.” This reverse onus, Robinson said, would force the artistic community into self-censorship, “worse“ than testing the law in the courts. Under existing laws “there is no reverse onus on the artist to prove the artistic merit.” But, he noted, the defence of artistic merit does not apply to sexual activity depicted by people who are or appear to be under 18: “Romeo and Juliet would be illegal under Tory censorship continued
NDP Justice Critic the government’s
on page 7
Svend Robinson spoke out against Bill C-54, anti-porn legislation, at WLU Monday.
photo by Murc Brzustowskl
calls for peaceful coexistence in Middle East Professor
by Rob Btazeau The Middle East Conflict, Past and Present was the focus of a March 14 talk by Dr. Mahmoud Ayoub of the Centre for Religious Studies, University of Toronto. The discussion was attended
by students, staff, and members of the Waterloo community, representing a broad spectrum of opinions and beliefs. Ayoub, a Harvard PhD [Hist,ory of Reli@on), focused his lecture on the history of the people of the region, citing the symbiotic relationship between \‘Jews and
The Bagel Binn would like to thank the student coffee shops for their support of the “best” bagel on campus.
Arabs, with each group helping to enhance the culture of the other. The lecture @ovided an historical perspective, while the question period which followed addressed the current turmoil in the region. Many of the questions concentrated on the events following the Six-Day War of 1967, the resultant growth of Israel to more than three times its former size, and its emergence as a Middle East, as well as a world Dower. Ayoub impressed upon ‘all the belief that the current problem must be solved by peaceful coexistence. That tioexistence must take the form of either an independent Palestinian state or a secular Israel. The discussion was transformed from an ideological to a personal level when a member of the audience, a Palestinian who has not been allowed to return to his homeland or family since 1967, shared his grief regarding the current situation. Ayoub concluded the evening with a plea to all people: It is prophesized that Armageddon will occur in this area-of the world. We must do all we can to prevent this, and leave the rest to God.”
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A student campaign worker’s room was trashed according to reports in the Manitoban. The student was working on the 1988-89 Manitoba Students’ Union election. Threatening messages preceded the ransacking: “If Brad Day and Mike Shamray rose, I’m gonna kick your fucking paki ass from here to Bombay, pal. Fuck you, asshole. I’ve been watchin’ your door, man. You’re such a anitoban “You don’t fucking paki, piyoosh.” Piyoosh Jha told the expect this kind of stuff at the university leve r .“Allegedly, Manitoba’s residence security is very weak, Jha said. The two people Jha was supporting ended up winning. The aper carried their victory as the lead in the March 10 issue wh’ s e the break-in story took up the rest of the front page. 1 Univarsity
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A flasher is troubling U of T authorities is being stepped-up after a man exhibited the women’s locker room. University
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The last supernatural by Robert Day When last we left our friendly neighborhood theist, he was rapidly running out of wall hooks to hang arguments on but was preparing to redeem himself in a big way, much to the chagrin of our agnostic friend who has a sinking feeling about what is about to go down (besides logic and common sense, that is). Let’s listen . . . “All right, it works like this,” says the theist, “I think we can both agree that any effect must have a cause, and if we extend this argument over time, we eventually arrive at the first cause in time, the temporal first cause, if you wish.” “I see,” says the agnostic, in fact not seeing at all and wondering how the poor theist could somehow have missed several hundred years of theological debate that has long since folded, spindled, and mutilated this particular nugget. But hey, give a guy enough rope and, who knows? “So,” continues the theist, building up a full head of steam, “if we accept the fact that the universe as a whole requires a causal explanation and that this explanation must itself transcend natural cause-effect relationships, it seems pretty obvious that we require a supernatural deity of some sort. Clever,, no?” “And what, if I may be so bold,” asks the agnostic, “prevents this same argument from being applied to your deity, requiring it to have a previous cause, hmmmmmmm?” “No sweat,” says the theist, “my deity exists outside of space and time and therefore has no need of a temporal first cause.” Long pause. Very long pause. Serious head-shaking. (Lest anyone get the idea that I am deliberately and maliciously formulating the theist’s arguments to make it appear that he has luncheon meat for brains, I wish to point out that precisely this argument is used in comple+se&usness by .a welLknown evangelical campus grou~‘-L;--..~,~~~-~.~~~~tLOf Year’s resolu au&&a mot as I normal1 rain’ from naming names. Don’t thank me, I’m just doing my job.] It shouldn’t be hard to see that there are many things that can be said about the above argument, all of them bad. As G-H. Smith so succinctly puts
straw
it in his book Atheism: The Case Against God, “Even if valid, the first-cause argument is capable only of demonstrating the existence of a mysterious first cause in the distant past. It does not establish the present existence of the first cause. . This objection alone demolishes the temporal version of the causal argument, but it is not the) only objection that can be raised in this context. For example, this argument cannot establish that the first cause was (or is) alive, nor can it establish that the first cause was (or is) conscious. And an inanimate, unconscious god is of little use to theism.” But the theist’s problems are just beginning, since his alleged causal explanation is in fact no explanation of any kind, failing to address the rather crucial question: How was the universe created, that is, by what mechanism? Again, we have Smith, cutting to the heart of the problem, “To say that a god is responsible for the existence of the universe is vacuous without knowledge of god’s nature and the method used in creating existence.. . The theist demands a causal explanation of the universe and then fails to provide an explanation. Even if a supernatural being did exist, the “problem” of existence would be as puzzling as before. After all, how did it create existence from nonexistence? “Somehow” is not an explanation, and “through some incomprehensible means” is a poorer explanation still. The theist is trapped in a dilemma of his own making., ,, l
’ And a dilemma he is more than having gone looking for it in the first is, of course, just oodles more that here, but I see by the clock on the about that time and I do hate being day late.
welcome to, place. There could be said wail that it’s more than a
And if the typesetter has done it’s job and left an extra blank line here, I would like to close all this off by saying that it’s been a slice, it’s been livid the time itls been *just ducky but after five.titms, it%~abauf: time to pack it in. Thanks to Steve forsupporting this whole hare-brained idea in the first place, and special thanks to Mary, for not calling me a heathen pagan atheist swine more than once a day. Have a good summer, folks. And don’t take any wooden-auras.
UW may house brew pub A brew pub may just come to UW. The Federation of Students and the university administration are mulling over a business proposal from a Canadian businessman that would set up a brewery on campus, Pat Roberton, UW vice-president (university services) was contacted by a Canadian who owns brewing equipment in the
HAT’S UP DOC?
1*
told Imprint “the prospect is interesting.” Currently, shipping costs and other such “ground work” problems are under considerat ion. The University of Guelph was contacted with the same proposal but did not act fast enough, Abouchar said. The Federation will definitely explore the proposal fully despite the request to decide as soon as possible.
American Virgin Islands. His brewing enterprise failed there and the individual is now offering his brew pub to the university in return for a tax receipt from the Watfund, Needles Hall has talked with Federation of Student officials about arranging for the Feds to get into the brewing business, Andrew Abouchar, vice-president (operations and finance)
INFORMATION
MEETING
PmpIe skilled in trades and technology business health education and agriculture are needed for development programs in the Third World. CUSO co-operants are working with people in developin& countries to help build a more equitable world.
DATE:
Tuesday, April 5th
TIME:
7 p.m.
’ PLACE:
Kitchener Public Library 85 Queen St.,N. Kltchener
Slides on Thailand Guelph CUSCI Office University of GueIph
Level
3
Universdy Centre
Cuelph’ Ont.
NIC
2W1
To: Dr. Anne sophy
Minas
-
Philo-
Question: Why can’t female Philosophy professors wear shorts in the summertime while teach- ing? Signed:
Gretchen
Zimmerman
Answer: No one is forbidden to teach in shorts, as far as I know. However, there is no tradition of women teaching bare-legged at this university and so such a display would be an attention getter. I don’t want this sort of attention. I want my classes to listen with a minimum of distraction. Attention to bare legs wouid be, in part, sexual, and I don’t want to have visual sex with students. I accept the feminist viewpoint that sex is still an area of male domination; through sex a male can “scare” and victimize his female target. By doing something I know would result in visual sex, I would be raising the likelihood of male students “scoring” on me while I am trying to conduct a class., There is some evidence that the female eye is less sexually responsive. Thus, a man teaching in shorts is less likely to precipitate visual sex. Even if he does, this would make him’ “siorer” rather than victim. So, naturally, men have been teaching here in shorts for tome time. Their bare legs have become less of an anomaly, thus capturing less class attention of any sort. To: Dr. sophy
Anne
Minas
-
Philo-
Question: Why exist? (ie. What is the meaning of life?] Signed: Victor Chan - Village II, West C, Home of the Pig Digs
3
Answef: There is no simple meaning to life. Rather, a person makes his life meaningful through incorporating goals, activities and projects he believes worthwhile. Involvement in child-rearing, writing, music, windsurfing or worship of God would all raise the meaning level of a person’s life, provided he found them valuable pursuits and though he was getting somewhere with them. Others need not share his valuations. Hitler, had he sueceeded in the projects expressed in Mein Kampf, would have led a very meaningful life. Should I exist? Should you exist? Should anyone exist? Yes, if one’s existence makes things better, no if one makes them worse. Despite Hitler’s potential for a meaningful life he should not have existed because he worsened so many other lives. Mother Theresa’s meaningful life betters the lives of many;, so she should exist. However, a person with little meaning to his life has justification for continuing his existence, if that’s the way he likes it. However, a person getting absolutely nothing out of life and doing no good to others has no justification for continuing it.
To: Dr. Jim Frank
- Kinesiology
Question: Will you demonstrate your Oktoberfest-winning polka to the class? Signed:
Jill Somerville
Answer: I thought you’d never ask: but I refuse to wear those little leather shorts and the funny hat. Bring some “beer barrel” music to the last Kin 242 class!
F~gyllssuB
You Have To See It To Believe
It!
Cultism on the rise under guise of by Boyd Aitken The Queen’s Journal Cultism is gaining ground today under the guise of selfhelp management courses which use mind-control techniques to push people’s minds to a point where they finally break and become very open to suggestion, warned Robert Tucker, executive director of the Council on Mind Abuse (COMA). The threat and effects of this recruiting approach were stressed in Tucker’s speech. “A cult is just a group of people who are excited about something and go from there,” Tucker said, adding that contrary to popular belief there are many cults ‘which are not specifically religious. The groups that pose the major threat, Tucker said, are those which operate under the guise of mind-development groups. They
promise to improve memory, sales, marks, relationships and clear up any problems in your life. Once enrolled in the courses phich can cost between $500 and $700 per weekend - people are asked to fill out a form describing their expectations for the weekend and to sign a release form ensuring the group cannot be sued by the participants or their heirs. Tucker described the courses in detail: The person, once enrolled, ,;oes into a room where they are .;uddenly surrounded by aftractive people of the opposite sex who are flattering, full of excitement and energy, and thrilled with what .the participants are saying. This technique, called love-bombing, puts the person on an emotional high as they move into the next room which forces them to sit in stiff-backed
Porn legislation continued
from page 4 legislation a . . and the producer couldn’t even plead artistic merit in court.” Jail sentences for convictiojls under the act must not exceed 10 years. Robinson insisted degrading, violent or child pornography must be criminally sanctioned, but he said porn of this sort “is totally illegal under the existing law.” He also said his party would like to include gender as a prohibited category in the hate propaganda section of the Criminal Code so that violence against women could be prosecuted as hate literature. The new law is the second Conservative attempt to respond to the findings of the Fraser Commission on pornography set up by the Liberals in 1984. The first attempt, former Tory justice minister John Crosbie’s antiporn bill, was unsuccessful. Robinson called supporters of the new bill “the dinosaur wing of the Tory caucus,” but indicated the bill has little support at large: “there’s an awful lot of criticism.” UW Head Librarian Murray Shepherd said he does not think law enforcers, or the courts would target academic libraries, still he stands strongly opposed to the letter of the law that could see librarians charged: librarians “don’t want to take that chance, and don’t think we should have to.” Amos Lakes, a UW reference and collection librarian thinks the bill will give “unimpeded power to the government to control information.” He started a petition against the bill that garnered about 850 signatures and said “the university community is united against this legislation,” a bill
in the
interests
tims. Referring to Sill Vander Zalm he said “a premier whose concern for life seems to end at the moment of birth,” and who supports C-54, has “refused to support school lunch programs foi - hungry- _ children -in -Van-
cntlvm~” -- --.
--The bill would have disastrous results on sex education and AIDS awareness programs Robinson also asserted. “Material that deals explicitly with how to prevent AIDS would be illegal in Canada,” and already customs agents have censored and stopped sex education material at the border under powers
chairs along with approximately 250 people. A well groomed, well-dressed, good-looking lecturer then conducts lengthy lectures divided ,into two-and-a-half hour segments that are filled with “psychobabble”, language that is very heavy and requires close concentration to understand. But, Tucker said, the mind can only concentrate for 90 minutes at a time, so sessions include easily recognizable key words that relate directly to the expectations of the weekend included on the enrolment form. For example, if the person was hoping to improve their work relationships, then the lecturer would drop words like “friends”, “relationships”, and “communication” throughout their psycho+babble. This entices the listener to be attentive through the entire speech. All of these factors fatigue the listeners and leave
granted by the Customs ‘Tariff Act. “I can’t imagine what these words are that are posing a terrible threat to our nation,” he added. “Unfortunately there’s going to be far too many unwanted pregnancies . . . and abortions,” Robinson feared c-54 would force porn underground and generate some of the same problems as the Conservative prostitution bill has. Prostitution has been forced into back alleys and more women have been subjected to greater violence and abuse: “I fear the same kind of thing happening in this area.”
help
them vulnerable. At the end of the day, which lasts from 9 a.m. to I a.m., the lecturer takes the crowd through a relaxation process that, in reality, is a form of hypnosis. He tells the crowd to concentrate all their tensions in one place and release them. At this point there has been so much mental pressure that eventually, as Tucker puts it, ‘you “snap” and the release of tension leads you to a feeling of euphoria. At this point, you are extremely open to suggestion. Tucker said the objective of his group’s education program is to warn people of these techniques before they fall victim to them. People returning from these
courses weekends have been described as distant and cold toward * spouses and close friends. They %eem on a drug-like high. In fact, these reactions almost always lead to separation between spouses, Tucker said. In response to a question from the audience, Tucker said that after being subject to these techniques, it can take two years for a victim t 0 fully recover. He also mentioned that COMA, a rehabilitation group for those who have had bad experiences with cults, receives the majority of its calls from uaiversity-educated people with“normal” backgrounds who merely want answers to higher questions and want to explore the power of the mind.
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of “a very
narrow right wing constituency.” Shepherd said he sees the bill as a possible threat to the freedom of academic libraries “to make available through its facilities all points of view. If it is important to have, then we ought to have it.” He questions the wisdom of sending people to jail for “depicting activities not criminal to perform.” Robinson raised the same concerns when he pointed out that the image of a man and a woman making love, “no whips, no chains,” would be illegal, while an image of the man “hacking the woman to bits” would be legal. “Ultimately there is a great deal of hypocrisy,‘* he declared. Robinson told the audience the same people who express such concern for women and children are cutting back on programs to end violence and help the vic-
I THE GOLDEN THROATCHARMER,NOW ON DRAUGHT.
The final salvo: ignore this, svp I’ve seen a great deal of griping on the Forum pages of Imprint since becoming editor two years ago. As I prepare to bugger off, one last salvo is in order (whether you like it or not). The following is a list of some of the pressing campus problems. All have been written about, some are important, others more trivial. They appear in no particular order: Invisible Federation leadership - UW’s student leaders may be doing a fine job, but students don’t know or care about that fact. A higher profile, which will come through a more vqcal executive, is needed if students here are going to give a damn about their elected government; Student apathy - we all know Waterloo students are notorious for their seemingly total disregard for anything not directly related \ graduating and getting a job. Too bad: Lack of concern for important social issues - this is related to apathy, but goes even further in that UW students not only shy away from doing anything about these issues, they don’t even appear to think about them very often; Piss poor priorities - see above; A genuine lack of campus spirit - there is no semblance of campus unity at Waterloo. I’m not talking abou_t the destructive “us against them” group mentality or the vapid “pep rally” kind, rather I refer to an awareness of one’s environment, a respect for the pursuits of others here, and a determination to-make the four or so years spent here more than “marking time”; . On-campus entertainment - hardly a major concern in the universal scheme of things, but a continual pain in the ass. A priority on the Federation’s “to do” list; Fed Hall - see above (with emphasis); No real interest in education - Ted Carlton’s excellent series on the history/importance of a liberal education revealed numerous problems with the direction of Waterloo education, yet there was little feedback from the student population. There is a definite need for students to take seriously the issue of education for its own sake, as opposed to thinking of education as necessary evil on the road to high-paying jobs. If you spend some time assessing the direction of your own education, as well as the nature of this institution, you might find grea>ter satisfaction in your university years. Dropping ~the “what can I do about it” approach to addressing issues would also Irbe hblpful. .. ’ . ’ ( ‘A.pretty@rn outlook? You bet, but that’s a-given among editors. However, every one of these problems is reversible. All it takes is a shift in attitude. This is not always easy, but that doesn’t mean it’s ’ not worth trying. Happy motoring. Steve Kannon
Brian Mulroney enjoys shopping. He bought a multi-million dollar prison for his home riding of Manicouagan. He bought enough shoes to fill his closet and fit all the feet in his mouth. He has been trying to buy credibility for himself and everyone in his cabinet. He is buying U.S. citizenship from Ronald Reagan (though the Congress might not let him). Recently he and Defence Minister Perrin Beattty went out looking for a dozen nuclear submarines, and now he needs a few more points on the popularity scale. For this most recent shopping spree he travelled all the way to New York. In New York City, the Pan American Society lauded Mulroney with an award for Canada’s contribution in the Caribbean and Central America (our government has contributed to the mess by doing next to nothing). But Mulroney, not a hair out of place, surprised his puppet master by calling for reductions in US. acid rainemissions in mannequins (Mila must front of 600 devout apostles - business have done something to put and end to Brian’s ingratiating whine, but we will only know for certain in nine months). This daring move illustrates just how badly Mulroney needs these public opinion points. Though he has the Liberals working for him, cunningly led by John Turner, he cannot even manage to pass them in popularity as measured by the public’s opinion poll. Mulroney
gift ideA BAKER
DOLLS
/ -1
Little concern for model To the editor, Re: Ted McCollum’s letter about the Model Parliament. Re: F.L.T: Richards, Richard Pommainville, and Burkard Burrow’s letter about the Model Parliament - quotes from a senior member of the Liberal Caucus in response to an attempt to start a dialogue on the model parliament. This obviously shows a lack of concern on the part of the Young Liberals, and this was further demonstrated by the misstatement that the NDP “ruled” and “imposed” silence on its own members. More than 80 per cent of the NDP caucus spoke at some
point during the proceedings. The Young Liberals and Mr. McCollum pointed out that delaying tactics are part of parliamentary debated, but they failed to acknowledge that fact that the model parliament was set up to avoid this. This was demonstrated by the heavy scheduling in the model parliament manual. Although Mr. McCollum is correct in stating that standing for the Lord’s Prayer has been a parliamentary tradition, the current tradition is that members stand for a minute of silence. This acknowledges the multi-religious base in our country, and the NDP felt that it should be emphasized. The members who came to re-
knows Ronnie will soon be put to sleep, so he does not risk-much nipping at the hand that strokes him, and he knows, too, the U.S. government will do nothing but study the acid rain problem. Mulroney is trying to buy votes with a safe, but hollow show of strength. _ This type of jaw rattling does not help, in fact it hurts. Mulroney will have let off a bit of steam, and the problem will disappear from the minds of most Canadians. The media will fix their attention on a brighter bouncing ball, and, sadly, a few gullible Canadians will decide to vote Conservative, again. <In other news, the recent demise of Jimmy Swaggart has afforded many a form of meaningful entertainment just as hockey and basketball pools are beginning to tire. The possibilities of a”fal1 from grace” pool are endless: will Oral get another recall notice? will the two Jimmies be born again? Will Tammy pat Robertson? And, when the gamblers can no longer be bothered to waste another cent ‘on the religious merchants who fill the holes in their faith with other people’s money, they can always start betting on which species will be next to kick the bucket. But they should hurry because one species becomes extinct every hour, and homo sapiens is not far from the top of the list. Marc
Brzustoweki
present the NDP for the day, came as a group of individuals representing different views and backgrounds within the party. They came with the idea to represent an alternative to the two old parties which seem to act more and more like one party. I personally would like to take this opportunity to thank the other party (or parties?] for the help in recruitment and look forward to seeing them as next year’s opposition. Scott
Murray
A white-paper recycling idrive at Waterloo is scheduled for April 11-15. OrganEzed by WPIRG, the drive is ‘an important part step in ,promoting a campus-wide effort to recycle some of the *tons of waste manufactured pn this campus. I Right ‘now, students and Ifaculty are are going through Ireams of white paper for lessays, research papers, and exams. Most people on‘campus have probably already accumulated aignificant amounts of waste paper; tmore will be building up over lthe next two weeks, It takes /very little effort to place the Iappropriate recyclable paper l(see the WPIRG column) ‘aside for delivery to the van ,outside the Dana Porter ILibrary April 11-15. Why not exert the minimal ienergy needed to support this drive? Every contribution helps relieve the growing ‘waste disposal and energy ‘usage problems. Steve Kannon -
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Real issues missing in Forum pages To the editor, Within recent weeks the Forum page of Imprint has indefatigably treated us with a seemingly endless array of comments regarding the all too prevalent issue of homosexuality. The usual arguments that being gay is unnatural or immoral were reiterated, and the predictable responses were offered by members. of the outraged homosexual community. The cqnjectures that unceasingly result in this type of heated altercation are nothing new to those who read Imprint on a consistent basis. It is possible those who are fundamentally indifferent to the supposed rampant homosexual dilemma are finding the repetition of these arguments somewhat boring? Both contentions have a certain degree of merit and represent logically sound, reasoned arguments. Both the recent articles by Chris Gerrard and Jean Saint-vi1 illuminate (again] the basic arguments we’ve grown accustomed to rereading, both represent mature but diverse perspectives and both expend a great deal of intellectual energy on a issue that is becoming stagnant. Gerrard’s article alluded to the fact that approximately one half of the world’s population is suffering from starvation. Isn’t this a much more vital issue that demands the attention of the student population? People fight so vehemently to decry or defend homosexuality while others die on a daily basis from starvation and malnutrition. Passionate and angry articles, expressing absolute abhorrence regarding the limited range of perspectives regarding homosexuality continually, crowd the pages of our newspapers. If a similar degree of concern was funnelled into expressing the blatant injustice manifest in the overwhelming disparity between the materialistic, self-indulgent Western world we enjoy and the impoverished, decrepit conditions of those in the Third World, the portentous nature of the homosexual issue may
1A Different
seem slightly reduced. It is however, somewhat unfair to concentrate exclusively on the homosexual issue. There are also those who find it necessary to express their immeasurably valuable opinions on such incredibly significant issues as animal rights, smoking in the work place and an equally important collection of similar topics. This completely typifies how “out of touch” our society is; people are actually outraged that someone disagrees with their professed way of life or become furious that a rat is being “tortured” for experimental; purposes, not to mention those who wish to discuss the aesthetic disadvantages of the loony dollar. Meanwhile+ human beings who are not privileged enough to live in a affluent society starve from malnutrition. The common objection to this paradox is that people concern themselves with matters that are relative to their own particular society and its unique situations. However, this is a typically fallible argument. We live in modern, post-industrial society where mass communication and transportation make the entire world “our society”; Information regarding international events is consistently disseminated to us via the media providing us with a viable means with which to better understand the events of affecting the lives of our fellow beings. Thus, to contend that the issues we find important are relative to societal situations is a poor rationalization of the many unconcerned individuals who invariably offer us comparably trivial views. It is important to avoid neglecting the fact that these are issues that do require a certain degrees of concern, however, rather than concentrating so intensely on women’s rights, gay rights, and animal rights lets see some anger, pity and concern regarding the more fundamental human rights.
Tony Horton 2B Hon. Hietory
Reader defends stand on homosexuality To the editor, In response to N. Hopkins, C. Henderson, and N. Dobbing, I would like to bring some clarifications to the article published by Imprint March If under the title “What normal in the __cornstitutes future”: 1) This title was chosen by Imprint, not by me. The title of this letter was the one on my previous letter prior to editing; 2) Deletion of the word “before” between “freedom” and “those” in line six of the fourth paragraph and the insertion of “from” in line three of the sixth paragraph were misprints committed by Imprint which provided Mr. Dobbing with the perfect opportunity to describe my letter as a confused and rambling one; 3) The person responsible for the presence of Romans ~26 in the Bible is the apostle Paul and he seems to have been working for God, if I am allowed to believe what I read in The Book. Why is it, then, that I am the one labelled as having a “scary gay-bashing attit ude”? 4) My article was also deprived of the following quotes - Corinthians 8:9-l 1, “Do not be deceived +
* . nor effeminates,
nor homosexuals . . . shall inherit the kingdoms of God . . . such were some of you but you were washed.. . by the blood of Christ.” Please take note of the past tense used here. Also, Z-Timothy 4:3-d, “. . . the time will come when they will not endure sound _ doctrines but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will will accumulate for themselves teachers according to their own desires.‘* I hate to sound like a “Church lady” here, but could it be “gay priests” the apostle was referring to? The Biblical quotes ob-
viously
need tie interpretations
for
the honest reader. Now, let’s take a look at what I asked for in my letter and see just how unreasonable I really was. First, I asked that homosexuals recognize their lifestyle is dangerous to society. Mr. Dobbing clearly told us how morphological ambiguities and the lack of purpose nature puta upon his lifestyle “haven’t succeeded in stamping him out”. This does not surprise me. He, like the rest of us humans, is gifted with this incredible potential to see and believe whatever he want to. (Simple observation, not advanced psychology, led me to recognize this,) Those who have
Light /
A sense of values by Chris Gerrard Imprint staff
(a pseudonym)
I am in no position
When I was in grade school, I “wrote” a speech for a public speaking contest. Actually, I did not write the speech - my parents did. The only thing of it that I remember is what its title was. It was called “A Sense of Values”. At the tender age of 11 or 12 (I do not recall which), I was hardly in a position to compose such an ambitious work. I probably barely had a grasp on a meaning for the
word “values*‘, never mind having formulated any of my own of any real significance. My “sense of values” was rather underdeveloped, to say the least. I am twenty-four now. Within a month’s time, I will have a Bachelor of Mathematics degree hanging on my wall. I will be starting a new life, with a new vocation, new residence, and eventually, new friends and acquaintances, and hopefully, a new lover. I will have left this university behind, and placed a proverbial period at the end of a chapter of my life. I am still very young. Having finished my degree, I have a definite sense of accomplishment. Yet I also now realize more than at any other time in my life how very little I really do know, Over the past six years I have renovated my mental library of knowledge more than I ever would have imagined when I started here in 1982. And I am aware that that process is not over by a long shot. To end that process - to stop growing and changing - is akin to dying. I will continue to reevaluate my life, and my beliefs, morals, and values, until the day I die, and that is how it should be, I . think. Values are funny things. They tend to come and go, and otherwise mutat? markedly during the period of time one attends university. Of course, that is really a part of becoming a mature adult, so I should not restrict the process to university. But I do think that in this setting of academia, where free and original though is (usually) encouraged, we have a greater opportunity for such metamorphosis in beliefs, morals, and values than perhaps others in a less conducive setting. As members of the educated minority, we will have roles in our society, most bkely, that will place greater responsibility on us than others. We will be the “leaders of fomorrow” (and the taxpayers, too). In that light, it is probably important that we establish some sense of values, or guidelines, to govern the way in which we conduct our own lives, and our influence on our society. Although I will not be so presumptuous as to claim that I will never change what I am about to describe as my basic tenet in life, I will say that I do not think modification of it is likely - not now. After much consideration as to the ramifications of my philosophy of conduct toward others to myself, and to other persons, I can only come to the conclusion that, for me, and perhaps, if I may be so bold as to state, for everyone, this paradigm is the most appropriate+ It is a very simple idea, really, and has been captured in a well-known ciiche - “live and let live”.
to make judgments
of others.
I know neither their internal motives, nor the circumstances that lead to a particular scenario. As long as what one person goes is not negatively affecting anyone else, then I have no right to tell
them what judgment
to do or not to do. Of course,
doing is indeed nately,
there is a
required I think,
as to whether what someone is detrimental to a third party. Fortuwe as a culture are getting to the
point where most levelheaded individuals can discern what is harmful and .what is not. As a specific example, consider the love-relationship between two women. As mentally competent adults (which can be established by
standard psychological the person does not
tests
if simply
talking
to
reveal the fact) who ha+ made an informed decision to be together, 10.~4 together, and make love together, these twd women are not hurting anyone, and are most likely just as much contributors to the advancement of society as any of us. Over the course of the last two years, I have tried to demonstrate this in much of what I have written. I believe (yes, I will admit a perhaps biased belief) that gay men and women should have the same rights and privileges to live their lives as do straight men and women. There is nothing “wrong” with us, you know. We just prefer members of the same sex for sexual partners. Otherwise, you and I are really no different. I also have two other basic concepts of existence by which I try to live. One is to ensure that justice is done, and the other is to ensure the presmna,tiw of individual dignity. I think that thebe’ two themes’are,paoarrmunt:~~t, ~:?oiwi&e#ti~&&, and for the world in general. Justice is an odd thing - what one person may see as just may be perceived as very unjust by another. The Concise Oxford Dictionary defines justice as “just conduct; fairness: exercise of authority in maintenance of right”. It also defines just as “acting or done in accordance with what is morally right or proper”. And now we ask, “What is morally right or proper?” Perhaps that is where we can consider dignity. If the dignity of’those who are involved in an issue is preserved, then maybe we can say that justice was done. Justice and dignity are things that depend very much on the circumstances involved, but I think that it is important when one is trying to serve justice to stand back for a minute and evaluate all perspectives of a situation. I am not only concerned with the injustices thit I see being done to gay men and women, but also to racial minorities in our own society, the starving in countries far away, and so many other problems in this world today. We need to make sure that we are cognizant of these as well as our own problems. So I say “goodbye” to all of you, and I wish you well in future. And, I also exhort you to work for a better world with what you have - your intelligence, your influence, and perhaps most importantly, your love for your fellow man-(and woman)kind.
,. perfected this ability include “gay priests” and the followers of the “if you think that I am okay, then you’re okay too” principle. Secondly, I asked that homosexuals do not call themselves Christians. This was an attempt to help avoid confusion since it really doesn’t matter what a person calls him/herself because The Judge cannot be fooled. Thirdly, I asked that heterosexuals realize the difference bet ween making a stand against homosexuality and passionately hating hornoiexuale, but this was useless I was still to be designated Waterloo’s scary gay-basher, even after mentioning the futility and stupidity I associated with harassing homosexuals. But, as the March 18 Debunking column puts it, “the fervent believers are always ready to take up arms over the most trifling differences in interpretation and always are ready to show disturbing intolerance
and misplaced sympathy for the non-believers.” So now I am a bigot simply for proudly doing for anti-homosexuality [even when required to reveal my identity) what Chris Gerrard does every week for, pro-homosexuality comforfably hidden behind a pseudonym. Fourthly, I asked that everyone stop assuming to be facts what really are bogus assumptions made in order to safely maintain the status quo or encourage homosexuality, which I unfortunately equated with promiscuity. Sorry. I was wrong. But did these heterosexuals who find me eccentric ever consider Gerrard’s closing remarks in his March 11 column where he warns: “but look out, some of your children may be gay - and there is nothing you can do about it”. This doesn’t scare me, but doesn’t it at least disturb your “open mind”. Aiso, I must make the following
clear: I don not and never intended to stop a homosexual from exercising his civil right to be gay. And I find to be more dangerous the socalled “friends” of homosexuals who wait until their “friend” leaves to say “. . too bad she/he is gay”, rather than I who is not afraid nor ashamed to make my position clear to all. I suggest that homosexuality, bisexuality, etc. be openly discussed and all their implications considered (ie. washrooms, personal pronouns, legal marriages, l
army
regulations).
If
someone
finds something “gauche” with heterosexuality, let it also be known, Only then can we say we’re open minded. But, please, for our children’s sake, let us not postpone this burden of saving or dropping another of society’s moral standards.
Jsan Eliesaint Saint-vi1 2A Hon. Biology
FOR= Crowd’s apathy at concert “an embarrassment” To the editor, We love the University of Waterloo. The profs are great, the campus has everything you could want in a university, and we couldn’t ask for a better education. This is why we chose to come to Waterloo in the first place. However, we have noticed one negative aspect that is becoming more and more prominent: Where’s your enthusiasm Waterloo? We’re talking specifically about the lack of enthusiasm shown at various UW concerts in the past year. Take the Chalk Circle concert in October as one example. Why did the audience wait until after the final song before showing what littIe appreciation they had for this band? An even more glaring example is last week’s Images in Vogue concert. We know this crowd was pathetic, but we didn’t realize how pathetic it really was until we went to see IIV again a few days later. It’s surprising what enthusiasm can do for a band’s performance. Too bad, Waterloo, you deprived yourselves of seeing this band at its best. .” ,@?&ally, we’d like to mention the %&.Rock 8r Hyde concert in September. At least Rock &Hyde had the “good fortune” of having a student get up on stage and literally demand that the audience show some respect. Must this be done at all UW concerts? Fortunately, there was support at the Jane Siberry concert last week. We can expect to see her here again. Why were the previously mentioned bands not given ‘the same respect? It is not likely that they will return to Waterloo only to play to a group of zombies. Can you blame them? ’ feel this, type of behaviour itutes a ‘Gtitile laizk of comourtesy. Weire embarrassed a part of such an apathetic
group of UW concert goers. BEnt is unsurpassed in its efforts to provide our university with a good variety of bands. Don’t ruin it for BEnt, don’t ruin it for those of uswho do enjoy good entertainment (and show it), and most of all, don’t ruin it for the bands. How can we
CAMPUS QUESTION
them to give us their best when we don’t bather to give them our best in return? expect
L. Aikin 3rd year Psych K. We&us 4th year Honours
by Katarlna dolfc
French
Campus “Questions”??
TO YOUR HEALTH
Answer:
The answer
is yes!
Regular urine sample a concern Question: urine
After
sample,
a regular physical exam, which included giving c I was called to come into the doctor’s office again. I
was informed there was a high protein presence in my urine and was asked to give another sample for testing. Is a large amount of protein in urine a symptom of kidney disorder or can it be normal? The nurses did not appear to be too concerned about the outcome of the tests. Answer: The presence albumin (a protein] in the urine can, in-
deed, be a normal condition in come people; in fact, it has been noted that some tall people have a tendency to have higher cbncentrations of protein in their urine. Stress or exercise can also be cause of higher urine protein concentrations. Kidneys work in purifying the blood and regulating body water and salt content. Not only may kidneys be damaged by their own diseases but may be affected by others in the body (such as atherosclerosis and high blood pressure). Kidney diseases reveal their presence by certain changes in the urine as well. Three diseases that could do this are glomerulonephritis, nephrosis, and pyelonephritis. Often there are other symptoms that can accompany urine changes (such as puffiness, headache, fever, shortness of breath, tenderness, nausea, vomiting, pain in the back or abdomen, burning upon urination), but other symptoms are not always present. Your doctor is merely beirig thorough and competent by requesting another urine sample: the presence of protein in urine is a common occurrence. If you have had any other symptoms or have any further questions, make sure you talk with your doctor or nurse upon your next visit, and ask questions. These professionals are better able to explain details to’you and are always willing to do so.
Do
I want
to
weekend?? Strike Thornton 2A AMES
get laid this
Will Carmela cut Strike’s balls off if he gets laid this weekend? Doug Herron 3A Planning
For more information on this topic or others, write to the Health and Safety Resource Network, c/o Imprint, or phone the university @851212) extension 6277. The HSPN is a liaison between you and any source of health/safety information you need, and can c&o provide pamphlets, films, speakers, and phone numbers to other resources. We are located in room 126 of the He&h and Safety building and invite you to drop in to talk to one of many volunteers.
Fine paper recycling by Kara Symbolic Have you ever wondered what to do with your note paper at the end of term? Keep it along with all your other notes in the event that you may need them one day? Throw it out along with the other five tons of waste paper University of Waterloo generates in a day? Recycle it and save 17 trees for every one ton of paper recycled! WPIRG urges you to Recycle it during our second annual Fine Paper Recycling Drive! From April 11 to 15, drop your paper off at the Fine Paper Recycling Van in front of the Dana Porter Arts Library between IO a.m. and 4 p.m. each day. Members of the WPIRG recycling workgroup will accept your note paper, stationery, photocopied paper, computer paper, coloured paper, envelopes, computer cards and writing pads (with the backing removed). Please do not bring glossy paper, news aper. magazines, P gummed labels, window enve opes, paper towels, brown bags, cardboard, carbon paper or paper clips. Fine paper recycling makes sense. Using paper to make paper reduces the need for wood pulp, thereby relieving some of the demand on our overused forests. University of Waterloo alone *uses approximately 25,000 trees per year to supply our paper needs! The paper industry is the single larg-
Do the West C PigDogs enjoy
drive
large
est industrial user of fuel oil in the world. To produce only one ton of paper (from virgin pulp) requires as much energy as an automobile would use driving 17,000 miles - recycled paper requires
only
half
as much.
Recycling
waste
barn
animals?
Chris Schweitzer 8th Yr Geog
IS Larry Smith nis t?? Sean Heinke 2nd Yr Acct
paper
also takes some of the pressure off increasingly expensive, disposal options such as landfills or incinerators. During the rest of the year you can use the fine paper recycling program operated by Central Stores (the department responsible for such things as mail, storage and office supplies). Fine paper is collected in-cardboard boxes (weighing no more than 30 pounds). When these boxes are full they are sealed and marked Recycling and are placed in the closest mail room. The mail carriers collect the boxes and deliver them to the Central Stores building on Phillip Street. According to Ken Moody of Central Stores, the paper recycling program earns between $600 and $800 per month. This fine paper program is available for use by anyone on campus as long as boxes are used, contamination is minimized and paper is delivered to the proper places for collection. For information contact Ken Moody at ext. 2821. If you would like to join the WPIRG recycling Workgroup or want more information on recycling on campus, visit the WPIRG office in General Services Complsx, room 123 or call 884-9020.
Do
we
like sex with Doug
Teri Barnes let Yr Arts
and
Strike??
Fay Rody 1st Yr Acct
a commu-
11
pagrirprt,=Jw,4@=,1-
XEWB
World Bank report:
Western donors fail developing by Rajiv NEW
Tiwari
DELHI
(IPS/ISIS)
-While
Western donors give aid to developing countries with one hand, the other is already outstretched to take it back. This view is increasingly shared by the kind of development experts around the world who met here last week for a conference on “Poverty, Development and Collective Survival Public and Private Responsibilities,” organized by the Rome-based Society for International Development (SID). In the past decade, the poorest in the poor countries are said to have suffered most from a drop in aid and from “political prescriptions” by Western aid-givers. “The policies of Western donors during the 1980s have been a policy of failure;” says Halle Hanssen, a New Delhi-based consultant for the Norwegian Ministry of Development Cooperation (NORAD). “We have failed completely in our relationship with Africa, This is less so with Latin America and lesser with Asia - but that is because of their growing independence from us,” Hanssen told IPS. As donors and aid-receivers grow increasingly polarized on the issue of debt servicing, developed countries are seen to be making their aid more subject to certain conditions such as the implementation of austerity and economic reform programs.
vernment expenditure, increase taxes, realign exchange rates and restrict credit. According to Hanssen, the debt servicing packages worked out by multilateral agencies like the Internatiorial Monetary Fund (IMF) have had a very clear political effect - “the poor of the Third World have been abandoned in the name of developmen t.”
believe - and it doesn’t follow that if they are new they must also be good.” Some experts feel the economic decline of Third World countries trapped by external debt is better explained by the imbalance of global trade. They say that the panacea of privatization can only be partially justified given the reality of developing societies. “The declining prices of Third World commodities and the in-, creasing burden put on them when purchasing capital goods from the West will show more clearly the forces at work,” Hanssen says. But there is a group of Western donor ,countries which do not subscribe to the dominant trend in current aid transfers.
“It is they who are paying the price for the impoverishment of their countries. Inequality is only increasing as more of them lose their jobs to find wages frozen in the current wave of privatization being encouraged by the West,” he says. Scandinavian aid experts note that the change in the West has coincided with a marked swing toward the right in major donor countries such as the United States, Britain, and West Germany. “The difference between Reagan, Thatcher, and Kohl from their predecessors - Carter, Heath, and Schmidt - is obvious,” Hanssen says. Looking back at the aid-related developments during the 198Os, Hanssen says: “I’m not sure if what we are hearing now are really new sounds as some
That these prescriptions do not work is reflected in the latest World Bank report on global debt, which shows that no country in the South involved in rescheduling its debt in the last six years has reduced its debt ratio by much. There was a net outflow of $29 billion from developing countries of the South to banks in the North in 1987. And the report expects the South’s total indebtedness to rise to $1.24 trillion dollars in 1988 - twice the figure for 1980. The bank’s “World Development Report” also says “new commitments from private sources to all developing countries declined from a peak of $64.2 billion in 1981 to $36.3 billion by 1984." The burden of reduced aid fell most heavily on indebted developing countries, says the report, which recommends a package of policies designed to reduce go-
located one per cent of their GNP for Third World aid, while the United States spends 0.2 per cent of its GNP on assistance to developing countries. And Hanssen is encouraged by what he sees as an increased recognition of the fundamental link between environmental protection and economic development. He cites last year’s “Our Common Future” report by the World Commission on Environment and Development (WCED) as a valuable charter for promoting “sustainable development.” The entry of Western church-
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Hanssen feels strongly about the growing concern for the protection of human rights, and doesn’t agree with those who say that the issue is a Western fabrication. “The cry for these rights comes from the millions of people in developing countries who are demanding the right to live’with a semblance of human dignity,” Hanssen says.
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sponsored voluntary agencies and other solidarity groups have also been beneficial in filling the qualitative and quantitative gap caused by the decline in aid from major donors, he says.
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Such “like-minded donors ,” which include some Scandinavian countries, Holland, Canada, and Australia, are seen to be giving most of their aid as grants with few political strings attached. In relation to their Gross National Product (GNP), this group is increasing its development fund outlays and investing three times as much as the more powerful and resourceful donors. Norway and Holland have al-
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Sense of “deja vu” accompanies American troop deployment to Houncluras by Peul Glickman
learned of the incursion, the manner in which Tegucigalpa “requested” U.S. military assistance, and the role played by the contra aid debate, all reminded observers of Washington’s handling of the last large Sandinista incursion into Honduras, in March 1986, On March 16, the United States announced here that about 1,500 Nicaraguan troops had “invaded” Honduras, although the Honduran government of President Jose Azcona had not yet made any such charge. It was not’until later in the day that Azcona transmitted a message to Reagan requesting “immediate assistance” from Washington, following a late afternoon meeting with Everett Briggs, the U.S. ambassador to Honduras. White House spokesman Marlin Fitzwater has insisted that Reagan made his decision to send troops only after Azcona
WASHINGTON (IPS/ISIS) The high-pitched U.S. response to Nicaragua’s incursion against contra rebel bases in Honduras left many observers here with a distinct ‘sense of “deja vu.” As with a similar cross-border incident exactly two years ago, the Reagan Administration’s critics are accusing the president of distorting the nature of Sandinista military moves as a way to win congressional approval of contra aid. Administration officials denied the recent deployment of 3,150 U.S. troops to Honduras had more to do with political battles in Washington than with the military conflict in Central America. However, they did use the occasion of the incursion to press Congress to reverse its Feb. 3 and March 3 votes and approve new assistance for the rebels. The way in which the world
and Briggs jointly concluded that that would be the best response. However, various U.S. news media have reported the White House had made the decision to send troops to Honduras on the afternoon of March 16, hours before Azcona asked for help. Note the similarities: On March 24, 1986, the administration declared that a Nicaraguan “invasion” of Honduras was underway a full 24 hours before Tegucigalpa confirmed the incursion by an estimated l,O@ 2,500 Sandinista troops, Azcona requested U.S. helicopter support to ferry Honduran troops to the border area during the 1986 incident. Within hours, Reagan not only approved the airlift, but granted Honduras $20 million in “emergency” military aid as well. At the time of the 1986 incident, the Reagan Administration was in the midst of an intense Iobbying effort on behalf of a
$100 million aid package for the Contras. In both the 1986 incursion and this week’s attack, the administration sought to bolster its argument for contra aid by portraying Nicaragua as an aggressive communist state bent on devouring its peace-loving, democratic neighbors. After the 1986 incursion, s’enior Honduran officials and the former U.S. ambassador to Honduras said that Washington had pressured Azcona into asking for help. Former Ambassador John Ferch, now an aide to Democratic Senator Bill Bradley, was quoted in “Knight-Ridder” newspapers as having told Azcona, “You’ve got to get a letter (requesting aid) up there right now. They’re going bonkers. This is absurd but you’ve got to do it .” A senior Honduran official told reporters after the 1986 attack that Shep Lowman, the
charge d’affaires at the U.S. embassy, had expressed to Foreign Minister Carlos Lopez Contreras Washington’s consternation that Tegucigalpa was not acting more upset about the Nicaraguan action. Lowman was disturbed “because they were lacking credibility in their (contra aid) proposal to congress, ” the Honduran official recalled. According to the Honduran’s account, Lowman said, “we’re here trying to help you and you’re going to leave us hanging in Washington.” Nicaragua has behaved similarly in both incidents as well. On both occasions, Managua officially denied that its troops entered Honduras, while Sandinista officials privately admitted that the charges were true. Frustrated that the Contras have a safe haven in their Honduran base camps, the Sandinistas have staged literally dozens of cross-border raids of varying sizes over the past few :/ears. In 1986, Managua withdrew its troops before their presence in Honduras could touch off a conflict between the two Central American nations - a conflict that could provide the United States with a pretext for direct military action against Nicaragua. The Sandinistas have already said they are pulling their forces back across the border again in an apparent attempt to prevent a widening of the war, Two years ago, when Reagan made a major push for renewed aid for the Contras, the result was the approval of $100 million. It remains to be seen what effect the latest turn of events will have on the more recent round of cbngressional aid battles.
MUSICI
MUSICI
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MUSIC! Welcome!
SPRING TERM ENSEMBLES UNIVERSITY CHOIR Robwt Shantz, Ohctor Tuesdays, 7-9 p-m. Conrad Grebel COllq8, Room 156
COME and Sign Up for I Voko Pkem8nt Intwhw on Tue8day M8y S/66,64 pm. in Room 154 Conrad G rebel Co1lege Interview dates: May 3,456-g pm. All interviews must be complete b 9 pm., Thursday May 5th First reh88rsak Tue. Mey 10,7-g pm
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STAQE BAND Ml&ad wood, Dhctw Mondays, 7 - 9 p.m. Conrad Grebel *Audit$;,;:;izi . I
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*Call Conrad Grebel Music
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Office
at
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NOTE: For musical reasons, admission to any ensemble is 8t the discretion of the director.
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UN releases report on status of women VIENNA (IPS/ISIS) - Women play a crucial role, not just as wives and mothers, but as farmers, traders and-drawers of water in rural areas, yet governments and development agencies often pay scant regard to their role, according to a report presented to the UN. Commission on the Status of Wome, currently holding. its 32nd session here. The preparation of the report by various UN. agencies stems from the commission’s decision, last year, to make the problems of rural women its first priority in the area of development. The commission - the major U.N. body for women’s issues works under the aegis of the UN. Economic and Social Council. According to the report, in many developing countries women are the main producers of food for their families, but commercialized agriculture i-s reducing their ability to do this by forcing women on to marginal land or removing their access to land altogether. Women who are employed in commercial farming are often overworked, receive meager wages and are subject to health risks. And increasing numbers of women are being drawn into the kinds of waged labor or market-related activities which are generally unprotected by labor legislation, the United Nations says. Moreover, the UN. studysays that women are often in the frontline of ecological degradation, as their survival needs compel them to farm semi-arid land and use diminishing stocks of ffre-
-
wood, thus hastening soil erosion and desertification. Meanwhile, trends toward permanent or seasonal migration of men increase the number of households where women are chiefly responsible for family subsistence. Besides their role as food producers, in many developing societies women play a key role in processing, storing and marketing food products, the study notes. Yet they tend to be excluded from decision making, both at family and community levels, face hurdles in obtaining access to land and credit, and rarely have access to services providing advice and training in their productive and business activities. The report also stresses the importance of women as the main managers of water resources in rural communities, and the burden placed on many of them by the need to devote several hours per day to fetching water. New water supply schemes often fail be’cause women are not properly consulted, the study points out. The study likewise highlights the burdens imposed by increasingly scarce and lowquality fuel supplies and lack of suitable transport and roads to ease the significant part they play in transporting goods. Another aspect of rural life in Third World countries is the special health hazards faced by women, not just as a result of childbirth and uneven health care, but also because of the risks involved in their work and other factors such as the inhala-
tion of smoke while cooking in badly ventilated living quarters. The United Nations recomdo mends that governments more to collect information about women’s role in the rural economy and other aspects of their life. It says much more should be done to involve women in plair-
ning and decision-making in the fields of agriculture, credit, land ownership, education and training at national and local levels. It also calls for more attention ‘to be paid to women’s needs in transport, water, and health programs. To help women carry out their productive activities more effi-
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Saved
Spring
I found Phelix on Queen Streel trying to unload April at four a.m. He wasn’t getting any takers. Phelix was the type of guy whose prospects wake up in the morning, shiver, and think better of the daylight. Writing letters in a windowless Sir, It is much too cold. I am much too cold, sir, Please turn on the heat. At night he was colder and wouldn’t go out unless to warm himself where he was the only
room
E
in a bar regular.
One night he found himself in a drunk, looking at April and watching winter muscle its way through with designs on May. Phelix saw himself as a last ditch effort and he was long past writing letters. Sir, It is cold. I am cold, sir. He scooped up April - quick thinking in his shoulder bag, discarding his notebook to make room. All the letters he had written dissolving in the mad March slush.
March
$)e*
He ran leaving on the For the Phelix
up an alley winter, thinking of ice bridges, other side of a month long gap. first time since the sun went down was smiling.
A warrant was issued for his arrest and I was trying to get the word to him. So there he was trying to unload ‘cause he’d been He looked at me and grinned like
hot property so damned cold. with melting ice-cube a kid with a snowball
a
\@ \e 4 0
_-
eyes in July.
Meanwhile North and East had joined forces and were winding their way through the restaurant district. Phelix heard them coming, “April is on the way,” he said and slipped it in my pocket. Then he whispered a sunscream in my ear and melted into the sidewalk. Later, I found one of his letters - ink running Sir, It is cold. I am cold, sir. and I heard the sound that saved fall from a sheer madness and settle into a silence that someone would soon call summer.
spring
Peter McPhee
When I was born the World was I, the Dragons in reach, past the bars. I was what I knew mother was i. i fd'l i held I, and i loved ’
-
*--
‘D
pln+haA
I.
UlULAAGU
The world would cry, and i worried about I, the World would giggle and i along with I gave no thought that i wasn’t i but she. And just a satellite.
1
1
I.
S
It offers ahome
One day I walked outside and people were happy and people were free people -* ?- laughed . . - and people talked ana hejud iice hid iti Ugly face laughter w as real 1 ’ . and eyes were brightsinceanhjokes burneddidn’twithhIantlife happiness was people’s litter and energy their But it was only a dream, ’ waste -----*
-
l a”1
-
ay I waIked outside streams were clear and the sky fairly shone nobody’s lungs bubbled from a careless spill sted and unsafe pills fell short of their thi+ .,----I’ remained in corporate coffers faces shone on recognizing a kinship with natuAI; and murderous cleavers were thrown to the grr--J But it was only a dream, One day I walked oufsi& and thin bellies lied and grew , and whips were burned in place of books religion became (god forbid) a personal p&b,, and lost its political potency our bodies no longer had to hide inside a Ile and the danger of flesh burning to ash was g -c nennla qpt~~nll-~ ---- ’ cared enough to share the blame But it was only a dream.
mnshge
’
around
leave
it
and when i walk among trees and see a flower that captures the1with rays colours of the sun and captivates my imagination’ i do not try to take it home i might kill it in the twisting and 4lina and i know it will not live long inside a glass jar awayprettyfrom girl!tq ro( -nd atIV-with you ai.” YY, i will watch you while i’m here but when i go i will leave alone vour beauty is in your self &d not for me and i know your face will remain longer than you ever might have in my life chris
coughlan
in my memory
.
the globe
Warshundreds are waged as and thousands die in muddied, bloody fields . . . (if’s true; i saw it on television where so often they use paint to distort Pea&y,)
- - - v
Tom Read
. . .
Redneck
Barbecue
Yes, you and 1 staring at the sun Licking our bleeding lips Eat, eat. EAT! The rest of the little black children Inside cages of slaughter Your eyes and mine too Shine with laughter As we wipe our mouths And chew their lean flesh Yellow, red, brown spices Feet, arms, quivering ribs All served on our silver tray Tie the bibs and sharpen The knives. SLASH! Slash Prime cuts of prime guts Black moon shadow casting over Your pretty picnic table I cry outrage and We set up Our camp in another land Let us, you and I, harvest disaster Strip mines, acid rain, rape souls Pleiding in pity Hands outstretched and sheared off Eat. Eat! Fed to our overweight Family of lovely Americans Piatr
Stathis
and ketchup
they are part of the story the great adventure book ‘of Rambo and Commando and the Terminator. at home. . . one death parelyzes. (she was SO young and . . .) -- ---au
’ and so pretty
iruve been me.
0 think it was Stalin one death is a tragedy wh 0 said] and a million d eaths are a statistic , , . perhaps he was right. Marie
Se&y
and so
Weekend
gigs:
Live SkuIIS/Lov~SkiIl.~
by Don Kudo Imprint staff Fed Hall was not its usual frolic-filled self Saturday night. Instead the place was scattered with stressed-out students, hoping that the two bands on tap that night would free thoughts of exams and due dates from their ‘heads. The uninspired air was carried to the stage, as displayed by Moe Berg’s less than frantic stage manner. The Pursuit of Happiness lead guy%. lack of stage and guitar gusto was also apparent in the fact that he didn’t carry on in his characteristic commentaries of sexual [mis)adventure. Berg’s been known for his between song banter to range from topics of necrophilia to what to do when your girlfriend is O.T.R. None of this knowledge was forwarded on this occasion. It probably wouldn’t have had any effect anyway - the crowd was
too dead to even scowl or grin at the blatant made-to-embarrass chorus of Suck Your Own Cock. As for the music, TPOH thumped along with their basic bass lines raked over with bursts of guitar. They occasionally added a nice touch of that jangly guitar stuff, but the most interesting points of their show came from watching the jangly blond background singer.-
TPOH - dull The Sheep - Rock on! The lackluster showing was not totally the band’s fault because there wasn’t much crowd energy to play off of. They could of played their teenage anthem I’m An Adult Now earlier in the show, and probably many folks would of left for home, to get
rested for the next day’s “learn a term’s worth of work“ regime. Though more people were on their feet for the TPOH set, the opening session by Sheep Look Up, had more feet and bodies moving on the dance floor. Usually this five-man troupe can be found in somewhat smaller quarters in and around the Toronto area. Yet their atmospheric sound translated well to the often cavernous feeling Fed Hall presents to bands of their calling. The Sheep Look Up sound primarily centres around winding bass leads, creating the moody movement of the rhythm. Falasha, the band’s tour de force from their four song EP, was a fine example of them combining chilling sax fills and matching vocal points to the bass line. The heavy lower end of t+heir music was also punched out during Keep Yourself Clean with the five-finger bass thumping of Mark Deroux, backed by the ever-steady drumming of Greg Moore. It is hard
for any “warm-up” over a crowd, especially a late March Club Fed crowd. Sheep Look Up got a few people moving and a lot more interested in their music. They were happy to finally check out Fed Hall, after openning stints at U. of Guelph (Red Rider), and Laurier (Chalk Circle] gigs. Too
act to win
Laurie
Partridge?
Only
Moe
Berg’s
habdresser
knows
photo by PI&
bad, the crowd didn’t share in the same feeling Saturday night. lust wait for Sheep Look Up to receive that elusive recording contract that seems to be within
their and coast stint bunch
$tathlr
reach. They’re dedicated, hopefully another West trip, and a possible U.S. will grant this talented their due rewards.
Blue Rodeo: Hoedown at the Disco by Peter Dedes Imprint staff
photo by Sharon
E. Frey
John Ryan Imprint staff ’ Another chapter in the nightlife of Waterloo was closed tbe other night (March 25) with the City’s last attempt at rock venue immortality. The Heimlich Maneuver and Groovy Religion rolled in to bang the drum siowly ss the patrons cried in their cheap draught. Heimlich Maneuver, a three-piece combo from hell, put on a fairly nifty show. With their tuneful, messy guiter pop-punk sound. Noisy? Yes. Fast? Sometimes+ Fun? You know it, dad. They did mostly original material except for neat cover of the Spiderman theme that someone in the audience insisted on. Walloping Websnappers, what a keen set. Groovy Religion have been around forever, end they wrote the
Medusa’s Bastard Childfen
very
first
song,
hey just
kidding.
But they
did do that independent
guitar rock ‘II’ roll sounding thing quite well. You know they’re real musicians because the bassist does not use a pick. Vocalist William New looks so cute and cuddly with that boyish confused look and affable stage presence. The rest of the Groovers eeemed to be having fun as well. Showcasing some old favea and material from their upcoming rock opera, Tom, they were met with your basic indifferent crowd reaction, The crowd wasn’t indifferent so much as being ‘~001’ (and mostly sober]. They didn’t even respond to that corny oid “is everyone having a good time?” thing. Technical problems prevented e real barn-burning encore and we had to settle for their version of Bo Diddley instead.
I’m not sure Stages is the appropriate venue for Blue Rodeo. Chris Wodskou says the best Blue Rodeo gig happened at the Horseshoe. And who am I to disagree with Imprint’s resident rockabilly encyclopedia? And why the hell isn’t he writing this anyway? The band was kind of distant. I’d guess that the sight of all that polyurethane and other hair care products put them off just a weeny bit. The most singer Greg Keelor could manage between tunes was a raspy nasal, “Thank you,” except for his recall of a trip to Florida with his girlfriend and his best buddy and it turns out they fell in love with each other and left him stranded in the sunshine state as they motored off in his car. I’d write a song about that too. Keelor has got one beautiful pair of. lungs though. Never in my entire life have I heard anyone mourn soulfully like the beloved Bob Dylan. And he can dance with his guit-box too. Jim Cuddy handles the other haIf of the vocal duties and, holy jeez, does he got range. Guitarification was sweet and ringin’. You can’t beat the melody of a Fender Strat through a Fender Twin. Cuddy’s got a real soft touch when it comes to his solo spots; just some real slow swayin’ melody. Chris thinks the hottest tune was Let’s Live It Up While I t’s Still Legal and I’ve got to concur
with him. Blue Rodeo deserves an atmosphere. Smoke so blue your eyes burn and lights glarin’ red in a shoe box of a joint that pushes its coffee tables together for a stage. Maybe just a touch of feedback and a couple of strings breaking
“And
this
one’s
for Chris
on the guitars. Somethin’ home, no polish needed,
down-
But Chris and me, we had a great time, and it seemed a packed house in downtown Kitchener kinda felt the same about it too.
Wodskou’s
tailbr,”
Blue
Rodeo.
f$$$j,CROSS ‘i:l..,,.<,<;y
FIRE
Kennedys
stores. Biafra points out how religious fanatics pressure record companies to pressure record stores to blackball records from their shelves, Eithep that or recording artists are told to change their songs and delete lyrics to avoid warning labels all toget her. Biafra’s greatest talent is his
ghost d,emythologizes
McReagan, Ollie North and other seasoned politicians/criminals on their involvement and subsequent “ignorance” about Iran and Nicaragua. No More Cocoons is anti-propaganda. Biafra is a passionate researcher into corruption and freedom infringement. He shows the other, usually hidden side to
the admission price to this lecture becomes justified in the thoughts provoked from the first time you experience it. I know people who just didn’t like the sound of the Dead Kennedys, and I can see their point of view - the wall of noise the DKs revelled in is a bit too mighty for some to scale. What then happens ? No one buys an album solely for the lyric sheet, so Biafra’s lyrics get flushed along with his music just because of different tastes in tune. Jello Biafra is a keen social observer and damn. intelligent as well: this project strips his thoughts bare, no chugging rhythms to accentuate the mood, no statement making slashing guitars, just voice standing on its own, ideas fending for themselves. After a listen you realize the reason of the DK’s greatness was and is that their words were as impenetrable as their songs. Cduld Rick Astley’s ideas stand on their own? How about Bono’s? Gilmour’s? Don’t kid yourself, the voice is but one instrument among many for these guys. Biafra manages to stretch his voice into an orchestra of attitude and images, and that is why he managed to pull off these American university performances with passion and precision. Well then, a big YES to the nature of the spoken album concept - there may be a select few that could convincingly pull it off, but I’d like to see more lecture
by Pietr Ststhis Imprint staff Jello Biafia, long-time Dead Kennedy and shit-disturber of the American public has been on the road talking out against censorship for the last year and half (ever since the DKs were taken to court in a censorship battle.] Along the way, he recorded a double album, using locally-provided cassette machines - to raise people’s awareness of censorship and to raise funds to pay for his legal fees. The DKs were bankrupted by the PMRC (Parents Music Resource Centre) in a legal battle about the Kennedys’ so-called “distribution of harmful material to minors” in their Frankenchrist album. If convicted, they faced one year in prison and
anti-propoganda 3 $2,000 fine. Although they won the case, they were left badly in the red. The PMRC took sides against the DKs because it was cost efFective to pick on a small, independent label and bankrupt them as an example, rather than the richer, more powerful people like Ozzy Osbourne and Prince, who’d sue the Washington wives’ pants off for violating their constitutional freedoms. The PMRC seeks to rate all alwms with warning labels (like W for Violent, 0 for Occult) and prohibit their sale in record
exaggeration of the mundane into our deepest paranoias about privacy invasion, thought control, and media manipulation. His sketches satirize many facets of American culture ineluding drug testing, stupid newspaper headlines, the space shuttie -disaster, and Reaian’s puppet politics. His letter to the PMRC’s Tipper Gore is a sidelong expose-on censorship and the corporate martial law in the U.S. which is systematically widdling away peoples’ rights. Inside the album, there is a bpnus: a lo-page Fuck Facts newspaper in the tradition of Dead Kennedys where Biafra has collected insane articles, headlines, and photos that are so often passed by desensitized eyes, but which he now presents for ridicule. No organization or person is safe from his satire. He especially picks on Ronnie
every story - things we never hear about on TV and newspapI ers. This album is an EDUCATION. Buy it and listen to what Jello has to say and support the fight against censorship!
Double album, twelve bucks, no music. Will the next trend in the recording industry be boring lecture albums of dorks with nothing to say? No More Cocoons is the first step away from such a thing; this performance ‘collection is a blast of honesty and eyeopening information. It may not be the kind of album you’d listen to over and over and over, but
ALL ROADS BEGIN <ATTRAVEL CUTS
0 Philippines, South East Asia and India escorted on local TRNELUJIS WATERLOO University Shops Pl8iza 170 Universit Avenue West Waterloo, On r ario N2L 3E9 519 8864400
0 China programs The travel company
of the Canadian
Federation
of Students
no more censorship! Stockwell said he used to go OI at length about the ridiculour things Reagan has said, and Bia fra dips into this goldmine of un settling humour. Juvenile reforn schools, urinalysis, the spacr shuttle, md Vietnam are al scrutinized and serve as fuel fo: the Biafra furnace. . So, this album is great, bu why should you pay for it rathel than tape or just listen to I friends copy? Well, the proceed! from this album go to the Nc -More Censorship Defense Fund to help combat power abuse eve erywhere. So, again folks, therr is a lecture going on tonight in’ side your heads - be there. I: there are any rational argumenti as to why anyone shouldn’t br interested in this project, I’d br more than interested in hearinl them.
Bunikh
to the doghowe wealthy, curious folk Heinz 57 mediocrity Take this puppy home with you Timeless! Will outlive you and your dobermann
For
6
A COMPLAINT I
fana and
LETTER
thought it uaa 8afe relax in my fsvourite calyptus tree, I hear about tar travel outfit, Tiavel CUTS. you%e been relliag rerlly cheap airfare8 to downunder.
Just to
0 airfares from Toronto
transport
albums. Records are a gre; media - easy to make, easy I distribute, and more passib than reading - perfect to tur around a laid back generation. Specifically, the themes M volve around Censorship, COI ruption, and Rebellion. Ex-CL member and UW visitor Joh
by Trevor Blair Imprint staff
SEARCHING FOR THE ROAD TO ADVIZNTURE?
Cl London to Nepal by double-decker bus
US.
as
even offering low priced adventure with hotels or canpimg. Cam on guya, don't emcourage them to 8tay. All call me cute and disturb w they do is point, Why not tell them to visit my sleep. Hey! neighbours in New Zealand?
You’re packager at least
==aJVS WATERLOO University Shops Plaza 170 University Avenue West Waterloo, Ontario NZL 3E9 519 886-0400
The travel company
of the Canadian
Federation
of Students
be considered kindred spirits. Beer, the opening cut, consists of a bluesy jam andprecisely one lyric: “beer”, Norvel Felts, inspired by the Fed Hall playlist, is a throbbing dance tune a la Pump Up the Volume, over which the voice of countrymusic singer Narvel Felts introducing himself is repeatedly sampled. Other tunes of note include Wireless, Come One, and Peter the Pedophile (“He doesn’t know what he’s doing is wrong” is the only line I can quote in mixed company]. Both Robinson’s bass and Giovinazzo’s guitar are excellent throughout. What The Proles need is a real drummer to replace the drumbox they’ve been using. They also need a real studio to work in, to get a sharper, clearer sound; the sound here is horribly muddied. With these changes, The Proles will surely become a major local band. Oh, a better name wouldn’t. hurt, either.
by Derek Weiler Imprint staff The Proles are made up of two hometown boys, Tony Giovinazzo and Chris Robinson. Giovinazzo played for a time with The Young Pagans, who have gotten a lot of attention in these pages since changing their name to The Colony. This demo cassette is horribly recorded but still showcases the tremendous potential of this young band. Tongues are planted firmly in cheek, and Camper Van Beethoven and The Dead Milkmen are among the bands that could
to this album, you won’t feel so bad. I promise. This is not a new album, but a reissue from the sixties, and although it has been digitally remastered the sound quality isn’t all that good. Especially poor is Oh, Pretty Woman, with its vocals mixed too far back into the mix. Now despite the bad sound, I like this album. You’d never find a copy of this album used, worth keeping, so these re-releases are a good idea. Besides, the music is worth owning regardless of the sound quality. My favourite track is Personal Manager that combines a jazzy horn section with some emotional guitar playing. Albert King doesn’t try to blow you away with a million notes a minute instead, King relies on filling the notes with feeling. Working his guitar with the horn section, King creates a memorable pack-
by Phil Robineon Imprint
staff
When Albert King sings “If it wasn’t for bad luck.. , I wouldn’t have no luck at all”, I can relate. Well maybe I didn’t grow up in white Mississippi as a black, but living in Waterloo isn’t all that exciting. What with the cold, snow, rain, and school, sometimes suicide seems like a viable option. That is, until I listened to this album. There seems to be something about the blues that you up. I don’t know if ti p$ychoJo ical qxpianar this, but ‘a f ter’ you listen
age of jazzy blues. To top it off, you can buy this album for $4.99 downstairs at the Record Store,
by John Ryan Imprint staff The whole concept of comedy LPs puzzles me. How many times can you laugh at the same joke? It was recorded live in front of an English audience and they seem to be enjoying the show. But they’re in some club with probably more than a few drinks in them. You don’t have to be pissed to laugh at this record but it helps. I wonder why this LP got released domestically because much of the humour depends on a knowledge of British institutions and people. No big problem when he’s talking about commercials; they are universally tacky so it’s not hard to figure out. But references to UK celebrities or soccer teams leave me scratching my head. At least Ben Elton’s accent isn’t impenetrable. A sense of moral outrage does poke through at the end of his Photosynthesis [Why the Papers are Full of Shit) and a few other bits. His dismantling of that Benny Hill/big tits kind of humour is especially funny and the remarks about excessive drinking seemed particularly incisive after the Imprint staff party (cringe). So if you like comedy records maybe you’ll want to give this one a whirl, or mavbe not. u
by Pietr Stathis Imprint staff
by Andrew Rehage Imprint staff
Here you have a band from Kingston, Ontario sounding, looking, and singing like they could be from any American small town. Their jangly acoustic strumming and competent guitar work have carried The Tragically Hip far enough to cut videos and extensive airplay in Canada, And with their smalltown Mellencamp-meets-Kingston sound, even the Yanks are surely loving ‘em. The Hip’s debut reminds me very much of the Northern Pikes’ debut - not so much in sound, but in appeal. Both of these bands have certainly targeted a popular-record-buying mass audience for their product. So in this way, they are as much businessmen as they are musicians. It’s encouraging to see smaller Canadian acts aiming for a bigger share of the predominantly American and British pop market. The music itself is nothing innovative - the cordings and rhythms have been done before - but The Hip are hip enough not to pretend to hide it. Their choruses are catchy enough, especially in songs like Smalltown Bringdown, Last American Exit, and Evelyn. Catchy enough to overcome their whiny, C&W vocals and simplistic lyrics about working in factories, drinking bourbon, travelling on the road, and being rejected in love. 1 must commend the Kingston group for coming up with their name. The Tragically Hip are American trucker music with a Canadian twist,
New Order headlines this latest soundtrack for the movie S&&ion. The film revolves around the controversy surrounding organized and televised religion. The soundtrack reflects this in great detail and almost all of the songs deal heavily with religion. Taken at face value, the tracks such as You Can’t Blackmail Jesus and Destroy A11 Evil, could be taken as contemporary Christian music. When one sits and thinks about the artists performing the songs and the context from which the album came: many of the lyrics tend to take on a rather blasphemous tone, Religion aside, Salvation is the latest offering from such groups as New Order and Cabaret Voltaire. The album is pretty well split, as most soundtracks are, between instrumentals and lyrics. Touched By The Hand Of God is taking New Order back up the charts, yes, on FM, and gives the band some of the life they lost with last year’s Subetance. Along with Cabaret Voltaire, they put forth a good amount of instrumental tunes that are all rather infectious. if you detest music with a religious context or instrumentals, this is not an album for you. Fans -of New Order and Cabaret Voltaire will acquire this vinyl just to satisfy their insatiable appetites and add to their collections. Standing on its own, it leaves the listener wanting more subst an&e.
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UZEB jazz-fusion -
by Al Richardson Imprint staff Jazz-Fusion band UZEB will be at Ruby’s, at the Waterloo Inn, April 2. Be there! I talked to bassist Alain Caron, who spoke for guitarist Michel Cusson and drummer Paul Brochu as well. Turns out they’re just three bums from Drummondville, Que. Pretty relaxed for a band that is arguably the best fusion outfit in the world. But enough of the glowing superlatives. Here’s what they had to say. A.R You guys are technical monsters, Do you ever worry about losing the audience? Caron: No. If I thought that way I would have stopped practicing a long time ago. I think people don’t have to understand technically what you’re playing. most people just react to the feel the music brings. It’s magic when you hear someone who’s got real good chops who’s in con-
by Mike McGraw Imprint ataff Robert Plant’s musical career doesn’t stagnate, it keeps moving onward. It becomes evident on his latest release, Now and Zen, that the ex-Led Zeppelin lead vocalist is not afraid to explore with new musicians and a different style. Consequently, this, his fourth solo effort (if you don’t count The Honeydrippers) is his best yet. The album features the debut of Plant’s newer and much younger band. Long-time artistic Robbie Blunt left companion after the Shaken ‘n Stirnd flop, and was followed by the remainder of Plant’s middle-aged musicians. Seeking a fresher attitude, Plant teamed up with young pop baron and guitarist Phil Johnstone - and the results are startling. Now and Zen is a successful mix of commercial music and Plant’s patented style. But if the album marks a new stage in Plant’s career, it is also reminiscent of an older one, The flashbacks on this album will be of great interest to Zeppelin buffs.
at Ruby’s
trol. Even if you don’t understand what he’s doing you feel comfortable. You don’t xieed to understand it’s a C diminished scale. The scale by itself is a sound. You just need a certain amount of technique to make it sound good. A.R: Speaking of. feeling comfortable, the last album Noisy Nights seems a lot more grooveoriented than previous albums. Caron: I did more writing on this album, and I’m basically from R&B more than rock - R&B and black music. So these warm grooves I like are more present now than before. All the technology is there and the solos are there but we’ve really focused on the groove and the mood. A& You also seem to have a really big sound for a trio, especially on your real funky tunes. Carom We see UZEB as a big band. Michel and I played a lot with big bands: (Montreal leader) Vie Vogel, Thad Jones/Mel Lewis. We studied arrange-
ment and we always add this tag like it would be for a big band. There’s always an interlude or something, or the melody itself is harmonized. Like you would harmonize five saxophones. This is the approach for tunes like Cool It and Brass Licks. A.R I’m really impressed with your live shows. The energy is incredible and it’s always really tight. But a lot of fusion today is stagnant. How do you avoid the trap?
Guitar legend Jimmy Page, Plant’s old Led Zep cronie, returns to lay down tracks on two selections. In addition, Plant breaks his initial vow to never use Zeppelin material in his solo efforts. On Tall Cool One, strains of Dazed and Confused, Black Dog, Whole Lotta Love, Custard Pie and The Ocean can be heard in the background. Plant has also indicated that he will play some Zeppelin oldies on his upcoming tour, So much for promises. This album xontains what Plant’s previous offerings lacked - energy. The opening track, Heaven Knows features Plant’s pumping vocals and a wailing Page solo, surrounded by the crisp sound of his new back-up band. Energy also abounds on Tall Cool One, with Page on guitar once again. The feel in this cut brings back memories of Zeppelin I or 11, only it’s held together by a pounding piano rather than grinding stratocasters. Billy’s Revenge is another vibrant track even though it starts out like a Honeydrippers reject. Energy aside, the best track on the album is the beautiful and melodic, Ship Of Fools. Here, Plant reveals the duality of his voice - not only can he sing crunch rock, but he can tone it down for a romantic ballad. This one is arguably his best postZeppelin slow song, thanks to some expert guitar work by Johnstone. The Way I Feel is not
as mellow, but is still a good example of a more serious Plant offering. There’s even a 1lint of what that future might hold for Plant. Dunce On My Own and Why are synthesizer-dominated numbers which are a marked departure from typical Plant. There’s no denying that Robert Plant is a commercial artist but there’s a hitch. Unlike other sheep in the industry today, Plant is doing his own thing. He has his own distinctive sound, and his lyrics still reflect an air of uncommercial intelligence. With Now and Zen, Plant has fi-
Caron: Some guys play fusion music and get in some kind of a jail. They don’t play for the music, they play for their chops. . Sbut I don’t see a scale as a scale. I see it as a colour. Music is paint;. you gotta make a good portrait. An intro - it’s an introduction and a solo, it’s a colour into the song. We see the music like this. It’s not just a solo for a solo.. .I find this boring to hear and boring to play. It’s gotta be some3
thing. A colour is a mood. Then anyone can understand it, and feel it. If you’ve got a certain
amount of sensitivity, if; you have an open mind, then &u’rf in business.
“Good for what ’ ails ya!” -DR. DISC ’
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MacLennan reprint invokes pastoral details’ Each Man’8 Son Hugh MacLennan Macmillan reprint 244 pages by Lisa Dillon Imprint staff How would you feel if someone accused you for being human? As Hugh MacLennan explains in Each Man’s Son, Cape Bretoners of Scottish Highland descent bear this curse, the residue of a Calvinistic heritage. Though strong, gallant, and sensitive, a belief echoes some-
where in their conscience that they are helplessly doomed by their sinful humanity, tossed by the hands of an arbitrary God. Dan Ainslie, a Scottish doctor in the coal-mining town of Broughton, Cape Breton, is MacLennan’s exaniple of how a man, drilled in Calvinistic belief since childhood, can never forget these fundamental feelings of failure despite his attempts to replace them with atheism and the pursuit of knowledge. Married to a woman he knows deserves his full appreciation, Ainslie cannot slow his drive for perfection, whether by studying
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both his wife and Alan’s mother. It is this opposition and the subsequent reordering of relationships that force Ainslie to confront his true inner feelings and re-evaluate his priorities. MacLennan’s narration rather conveniently allows the reader to peek into the minds of his characters. Since each chapter is written from a different character’s perspective, we are presented a variety of opinions, yet the stol’v remains that of Dan Ainslie. Broughton exists as a microcosmic representation of the rest of the world, not only in its phys-
PICKS: Sammie and Rosie, Wish You Were Here; Princess, Good Morning Vietnam; Gorge. Finally check out the recent classic The Big Snit [a Canadian film not actually banned from the U.S.) at Cinema Gratis. It’s short and you don’t even have to stay for the feature if you don’t want to. FRIDAY, APRIL 1; ALL FOOL’S DAY, GOOD FRIDAY: STP TBA [En francais) a 19h. FF - No Film. (that’s all until next term) WLU-SU - No Film. (WLU goes to exams) PRINCESS Sammie and Rosie Get Laid (UK, 1987) at 7 and 9:15. GORGE Good Morning Vietnam (w/ Robin Williams) at 7&9:20. SATURDAY, APRIL 2; PASSOVER: FF They Saved Hitler’s Brain (classic suspense) at midnight. PRINCESS Sammie and Rosie Get Laid (d: S. Frears) at 7 and 9:15. GORGE Good Morning Vietnam,r (USA, 1987) at T&9:20, SUNDAY, APRIL 3; EASTER: ED’S MOVIN’ PICHER HOUSE AND EMPORIUY Glenn or Glenda? at 3am. PRINCESS Sammie and Rosie Get Laid Some More at 7 and 9:15. GORGE Good Morning Vietnam (invigorating comedy] at 7&9:20. MONDAY, APRIL 4; LES MAUDITS EXAMS COMMENCENT: PRINCESS The Conformist (Bertolucci; Ztalia, 2976) at 7. Sammy and Rosie Get Laid (bad trailer, good film) at 9%). GORGE Good Morning Vietnam (disc jockey in Saigon) at 7&9:X). TUESDAY, APRIL 5: PRINCESS - see Saturday. GORGE Walker (d: Alex Cox;IJSA, 1987) at 7&9:10. WEDNESDAY, APRIL 6: CG The Breakfast Club (decent John Hughes flick) w/ The Big Snit (great NFB short) at 9%) (come early). PRINCESS - see Saturday. GORGE Walker (check out the Monroe Doctrine) at 7&9:10. THURSDAY, APRIL 7: PRINCESS Sammie and Roeie Get Laid {London debauchery) at 7. Wish You Were Here (Iearn nifty UK cusswords) at 9%. GORGE Hope and Glory (d: Iohn Boorman; UK, 1987) at FRIDAY, APRIL 8: STP TBA (En francais, sur video) a 18h30. YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN FROM HERE:
FILM
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new surgical techniques or by mastering Greek, no more than he can stem a continual awareness that he has fallen short of perfection. In the meantime, the childless Ainslie develops a longing for a son to put meaning in his life. The child he fixates on is &yearold Alan MacNeil, the joyful, in/nocent, eager, and impossibly well-behaved son of Mollie MacNeil, both of whom were abandoned four years ago by Mollie’s husband, However, in the course of seeking to establish himself as an influence in Alan’s life, Ainslie encounters opposition from
7&9:10.
FILM VENUES: FILM SOCIETY, East Campus Hall 1220 ($3 Membership Fee.) FF (FED FLICKS), Over until next term. FEDERATION HALL, (Free- Films to be announced. 4388~44380) CG (CINEMA GRATIS), Campus Centre (Free with set-up.) STP (ST. PAUL’S), French Lounge, in French only (Free.) WLU-SU FILMS, Finished for this term. PRINCESS CINEMA, 6 Princeas St. ($2.75$5.885-2950) GORGE CINEMA, 43 Mill St., Elora [$3 Members, $4 Non)
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ical features - doctor, judge, minister, saloonkeeper, families, and plenty of town drunks - but also in the universal questions raised by MacLennan’s characters. Alan’s mother, Mollie, questions Alan’s future, her role in it, and what price she will have to pay for their security. Her companion, a socialist Frenchmen, claims “Nobody does something for anybody without they want something back.” Ainslie’s wife simply yearns for a loving marriage. Alan discovers a conch shell on the beach with which his mother tells him he can hear the oldest sounds of the world. If Ainslie were to hold the conch up to his ear, he would probably hear reflecting his personal turmoil the sounds of the future. It is curious that MacLennan should choose 1913 as the year for his novel, as if he wanted to keep the inner confusion felt by Ainslie separate from the confusion of WWI, yet close enough to allow a link . , . “ That great world of Europe, enjoying the final summer of its undisturbed arrogance.” Usually, stories based on a character’s despair reflect negative feelings in the landscape. MacLennan, however, describes Broughton with fondness, invoking pastoral details. The first pages of the book open with a mother and her son having a picnic on a beach. The surrounding landscape is beautiful, thoughtful, and inviting rather than depressing, and cold, grimy, There are places in the book that you would like to go, like Dan Ainslie’s garden or the hospital library, two easy chairs flanking a fireplace, walls lined with books. Despite the depressing Calvinist undertones, Each Man’s Son left me feeling curiously satisfied with being a human being. Perhaps this is because MacLennan is smart enough not to offer any wondrous solutions for the vague guilt and hopelessness dredging around in Ainslie’s heart. Ainslie eventually faces the possibility that life is nothing: “A world without purpose, without meaning, without intelligence; dependent upon nothing, out of nothing, within nothing; moving into an eternity which itself was nothing.” The result? Ainslie discovers the importance of human bonds, that “. . . in comparison with a loving human being, everything else is worthless.“, and that he is ready to go on with life.
!aR!r23
Kick over the statues by Chrit Wodekou Imprint staff This book is for anyone who through lectures delivered assured on such topics as literature, composition, history, philosophy . .. So says the epigram to the new collection of essays by Stan Fogel - the St. Jerome’s English professor almost as notorious for his irreverent approach to academia as for his out-of-classroom shenanigans - thereby inviting all but the most vacuous and credulous of humanities students to venture a scholarly look-see. Either that or if you’ve heard just a few too many Pretentious eggheads foam at the mouth about “deconstructionism” or namedrop Jacques Derrida and Roland Barthes without knowing what the hell they’re on about, The Postmodern University is an instructive, provocative, nay, even a fun read. Postmodernism has been a topic of much heated debate not only in the classroom, but also (and especially, as Fogel takes great pains to point out) in the university boardroom ever since it began its project of kicking over the statues and toppling the ivory towers of stodgy, rigidified academia, and some of the criticisms levelled at it are wellfounded. For a school of thought that purports to devalue exalted notions of authorship, the author as some sort of god, creator of an oevre, postmodernism has an extensive iconography, forming fanatical cults around figures like Barthes, Derrida, and Michel Foucault, Considering that postmodernism aspires to take authority away from the academic, to broaden our perceptions of literature away from the classics of Shakespeare, Milton, et al, it tends toward elitism, intellectually and allusively elusive so that the ordinary Joe, the reader deconstructionism is supposed to liberate, is more in the dark than ever, It is one of The Postmodern University’s strengths that Fogel falls for neither of these traps, except for the use of a rather excessive vocabulary (Howzabout a glossary, Stan? Words like “fugacious”, “inspissated”, and “tergiversations” ain’t in my Webster’s) that somehow seems to defeat the whole purpose of demystifying the realm of literature. To his considerable credit, though, he has has sat skeptically
managed to write a lucid and entertaining view (he’d grobably cringe at the words “guide” or “explanation”) of postmodernism that comes off less as being radical and incendiary as a sane and reasonable approach to institutions [the university and literary criticism) which have become far too rigid and self-important. Pompous professors cloistering themselves in the complacency of tenure, criti.cs artificially creating canons of literary “greats” so as to ensure themselves steady work, the whole university atmosphere of “if he ain’t dead, he ain’t worth studying” conservatism - all get what they have coming; a healthy dose of skepticism. Chapters like Intellectual Enemas, Michel Foucault’s Touch,stones, and The Importonce of Playliet (02) (-1 (03) (01) (04)
(-) (091 (051 (II) (-)
Being Earnest: Literary Critics In America are revealing and _ eye-opening looks into the politics of academia, the arbitrariness of curriculae - ie. the fact that we’re forced to study Spenser not because of any intrinsic literariness, but because a cabal of professors down through the ages have decided that he is Literature. The Postmodern University may not garner “most important book of the year” accolades by the armful, but it should be required reading not only for the jaded student who finally wants to read some criticism that doesn’t necessarily sound like criticism, but es‘pecially for all you wide-eyed, in-search-ofdeep-edification students who sit in your classrooms and believe everything your prof tells vou.
Top Ten for March
18-25
1. The Pogues . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . If I should fall from... [Island) 2. Mighty Lemon Drops . . . . . . . . . World without end (WEA) 3. Jazz Butcher . +. +. . . +, . . . . . . . . . . Fishcotheque (Polygram) 4. The Woodentops . . . . . . . Wooden foot cops on the... (CBS) 5. Cowboy Junkies . . . . . . . . . . . The Trinity Session (Latent) 8, Talking Heads ..*.......**.*.*.*..*.**..~ Naked (WEA) 7. Tackhead S. System . . . . . Tackheads tape time (Nettwerk) 8. The Fall . . . . . . . . . . . . . The Frenz experiment (Beggars B.) 9. Firehose .**~**.,.,*~.*.C,...*.*..*.*.**.****, If’n (SST) 10. The Pixies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Come on Pilgrim (4ADIPoly.)
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1. Dissidenten . . . . . . . . . , . . . . . . . . . . . . *. . Sahara Electric (Amok) 2. Big Monkey Do .*..*.....*.....*...........*. Spring 88 demo 3. Uzeb . . ..*~***~..*.*.~~~*....**.~ Noisy Nights (Distr. Select) Program
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‘WANTTOBEA QUALIFIED TEACHER BY 1989? To meet the growing TEACHER SHORTAGE in Ontario, Yofk University II _-_.-..,--wilL~ccegt.candidates r;,;.&,---_ *in. its -B-Ed.programme as a one year, full-time, post-undergraduate degreefor the 1988-89academic year..
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1. The Strange Animals - You’d swe& you’re experiencing the magic of Gowan for real, when you see the Strange Animals take the stage. 2. Hi-School Confidential - Say isn’t that . . ,? No, it isn’t Carole Pope but it is the closest you’ll ever come to seeing Rough Trade these days. 3. Nutmeg - A tribute to the Barbados’ most popular band: Spice, 4. Caress Of Steel - When they aren’t otherwise busy as the MathNews editorial staff, these talented youngsters are performing their tribute to Canada’s premier progressive trio: Rush! 5. Pickled Eggs and Beer These cats were the first to cashin on the Flatulence craze and they’re still the best. 8. Fin51 L’ipp - Wiarton’s hottest export, these versatile kids are going places with their recreations of Uriah Heep and Pat Benat ar, magic! 7. The Spell - These $~ys are so much like Images In Vogue that you’d think that they just changed the name or something. 8. Images In Vogue - Maybe the’ look isn’t so close to the Cure’s, but give them points for trying. 9. Stan Fogel and the WetspotzBroken glass, self-mutilation, and laughs galore when these post-modern hipsters assault the stage and senses. Sid and his Sex Pistols have never looked or sounded so good. 10. Moe Berg - Taking time off from his Pursuit of Happiness gig, Moe gives the folks what they want when he simulates the magic of Susan Dey and the Partridge Family.
Over the summer... Collect stories for an upcoming feature on
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don’t know where you are because there’s nothing here you haven’t seen somewhere else,” The I-finton Body Bag looks at our thirst for blood and death, while The Fat Family Goes to the World’s Fair has Fawcett sending off an American family to find a nonexistent Cambodian Pavilion. Stylistically Fawcett is very unobtrusive, relying completely on the content of the work. The only difficulty in reading this work, are the two texts that have you flipping back and forth. This book should be required reading for complacent students of all faculties,and although the idea of multiple texts is not new, the combination of the factual with the fiction is an. enjoyable change. I challenge all those English students (and profs] who I’ve been complaining about to put aside their studies temporarily and think critically about what it is they are spending their time doing. I also challenge these people to read Fawcett’s book and deny the importance of his concerns.
by Phil Robinson Imprint staff After attending University of Waterloo for English in the past five years, I’ve come to the conclusion that generally, English students are incredibly uncritical in their approach to “literature”. However, the students are not completely to blame. It seems that many professors are either too concerned with finding a multitude of themes and structures in the work, or are too busy in self-congratulatory back patting. Regardless of how important you think “literature” is, it seems the people I’ve met in English at Waterloo ignore the physical world outside of this university. When these people do comment on events in the world they either have no opinion, or they attempt some perverted application of some critical approach they learned in English. Brian Fawcett’s Cambodia looks at the “cultural and intellectual breakdown that will eventually lead to the disappearance of local and individual identity”. More specifically*Cambodia is a combination of short stories and subtext (that runs along the bottom of e‘ach page). The subtext primarily examines the rise of the Khmer Rouge in Cambodia, while the short stories examine “modern” life. Combining actual events (Kent State and the Hinton, Alberta train wreck . . .), with his “fictions” Fawcett draws comparisons between Western lifestyles and the Cambodian extermination. While Fawcet t is not suggesting that our lifestyles will lead to genocide, he is sugges tihg that the commercialization of our lifestyles, and the constant influx of information from all directions will deteriorate our abilities to remain as distinct individuals. In Universal Chicken Fawcett looks at the sense of unreality when you pull off the highway at any new service station complex. “You can’t remember where you are. You look around you, but that’s no help. You still
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manipulations. On a thematic level, Howe’s novel largely concerns what lines we draw between illusion and reality. Paulina sees a stark difference between illusion and reality, between the world as she would like it and as she would wish it. For Montague Weston, however; “illusion and reality are completely interchangeable.” At first, Weston’s determination to make illusions come alive seems little more than harmless .posturing. As part of his refined, Edwardian writer’s image, Weston creates in his home an atmosphere of traditional Edwardian elegance, what with fancy meals, frequent guests and family parties replete with 19th century charades, masquerades and plays. However, out of this creed comes the permission Weston gives himself to assume such control over his household and force his illusions into the realm of reality. He lets his identity as a writer of books (and hence a controller of plots and characters) seep into real life. Despite menacing undertones of approaching disaster due to
umbrella overhead”, homey food, like fish, steak and kidney
pie, croissants, biscuits and jam, tea on the terracg, hotdogs and hot chocolate after a bonfire. Every five pages or so, two black Labradors bound in and out. The domesticity of Weston’s home shows how easy it is in such pleasant environs to submit to the will of another, if only to have more time TV sit out on the patio. On the other hand, Howe’s descriptions of Weston’s Edwardian family parties do start to drag on and on and on another masquerade, another Blind Man’s Buff, another reenactment of Midsummer Night’s Dream. This perhaps reflects the monotony of living under the thumb of an academic male version of Loveboat’s Julie McCoy. The strength of this novel lies in its superb characterization. Characters are built up smoothly often with mild and slowly, Special
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like Shakespeare’s Miin the face of her father’s
Constance Beresford-Howe could not have titled her ninth and latest novel, Prospeto’s Daughter, more appropriately. Her title refers to Prbspero, a magician in Shakespeare’s comic play, The Tempest, who through his art brings a potentially disastrous situation to good. In Prospero’s Daughter. Howe creates a 20th century, humanized replica of Prosper0 -in the form of Montague Weston, who uses his own “magic” - his wealth, his persuasiveness, and his incapacity to listen to anyone - to manipulate relationships in his own household as he sees fit, bringing them to ruin. The manipulative nature which is barely suggested in Shakespeare’s magician is central to Montague Weston. The question remains, therefore, whether Weston’s daughter,
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Paulina, will be passive and obe-
humour: Mrs. Pryde, the maid, “tarty-looking” and with a “cigarette hidden in her cupped hand”, Lally, the agent’s girlfriend, “raising totalindolence to a fine art.” Although Weston is a captive central figure, the surrounding cast of characters are equally well-developed - so much so that all of Howe’s characters seem to be principal characters. True to life, Howe builds no black ‘n’ white, love ‘em or hate ‘em characters; even Weston has his own endearing qualities. The relationships between Howe’s characters are as natural as the characters themselves. Most natural of all is the growth of an alliance between Paulina and Hamish, Weston’s secretary, his acerbic commentaries appealing to Paulina’s repressed rebellious nature. Constance Beresford-Howe is a Canadian novelist now teaching at Ryerson Polytechnical Institute. Her first novel was published while she was still a student. Past novels by Beresford-Howe include The Book of Eve, A P ulation of One, and Night St dJJ ies.
by Lisa Dillon Imprint ataff
T. GEORGE’SUNIVERSITY SCHOOL OF MEDICINE
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Weston’s manipulations, Howe describes a seductively warm environment: “a baronial house of rosy old brick”, “a pretty, neglected orchard”, a swing with a “warm board seat”, the sun twinkling “through gaps in the leafy
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Athletic
A wards Ban&t-
Froese
and Poag take top hardware
by Mike McGraw Imprint staff
Another year in University of Waterloo sports officially ended on Friday night (March 251, as the annual athletic awards banquet was held at the Waterloo Inn. It was two basketball players who walked away with the most prestigious hardware. The Dean of Women’s Award for the outstanding female athlete of the year went to Cindy Poag of the Athenas basketball team. Poag, now finished at Waterloo, is the all-time Athenas’ leader in assists, third in scoring and among the top 10 in rebounding, Warrior basketball veteran Rob Froese took the much lauded Totzke Trophy as the outstanding male athlete of the year. Froese’s accomplishments at UW are endless, the most notable of which are his all-Canadian selection this season, his number-one ranking in Waterloo freethrow history and his number-two standing in all-time Warrior scoring. The Director’s Award for contribution to the women’s athletic program went to Susan Chell and Renata Brillinger. Chell, coach of the Athenas figure skating team, guided the club to the OWIAA bronze medal this season. Brillinger has made enor-
aged the men’s hqopsters for two years. Warrior basketball skipper Don McCrae received the prestigious Imprint Coach of-the Ye& Award. After a horrific preseason, McCrae guided his team to first place in the OUAA West with a 10-2 record and the number-four ranking in the country, His bid for a fourth trip in five years to the national championships in Halifax fell short when Waterloo was trounced by the Western Mustangs in the division final. Earlier this month, McCrae was honoured as West division coach of the year. The evening also featured the annual inductions into the Waterloo Wall of Fame, located in the Blue North corridor. The 1988 inductees are Don Brown, Sue Murphy Bolton, and Glenn Howard. Brown was one of the original employees of the UW athletic department, and is regarded as one of the founding fathers of the athletic program. Bolton was one of the rare dual sport athletes in university ahtletics. During her four-year career at UW which ended in 1973, Bolton led the Athenas to championships in both track and field and basketball. Howard was the skip on the Waterloo curling dynasty which dominated the OUAA title from 1982-83 to 1984-85.
was an all-star in both cross country and indoor track, while Froese, Shaw, and Bishop were selected in their respective leagues. Volleyball Warriors Tony Martins and Steve Smith along with squash Warrior Dan Marsh rounded out the all-star list. Recipients of individual Most Valuable Player awards for: Athena teams are Corrine Davidson [badminton], Brenda Bowering and Rau (basketball], Jill Francis (cross country and indoor track], Sheri Kennedy (curling), L aurin (field hockey), Laurie Frey (figure skating], Sandy Gillies (alpine skiing), Rhonda Williams (nordic skiing), Waite (squash)+ Brillinger (synchro swimming], Nancy Crump (swi-mming), Linda Hartjes (soccer), and Marie Duncan and Julie Fare11 [volleyball]. Warrior MVPs‘ included Brian Amsden (badminton], Froese [basketball), Nick Cipp (cross country], Greg Danchuk (curling), Richard Chen [football1, Chima McLean (golf], Bishop [hockey], Blair Falconer [rugby], Colin Rogers (alpine skiing], Jack Simpson (nordic skiing), Bruce Hollamby (soccer), Rob Ayer (squash), Dave Cash (swimming), Mitro (track and field], Smith (volleyball) and Jeff Slater (water polol. Athena rookies of -the year were Kelly Mackey (basketball), Lorraine McDonald [figure skating) and Tara Lassel [volleyball). Warrior rookie awards went to Chris Troyak (basketball), Paul Ernst (cross country), Mark Yarmel (football), David Long and Ian Pound [hockey), Carlos Burmeister (soccer) and Scott McLellan (track and field). Bob Haid received the Doug Shuh Memorial trophy as the most valuable lineman on the Warriors football team.
A FITTING END: Rob Froese, shown here smashing about the lane, took the Totke trophy ai men’s athlete of the year. Froese was also Warrior MVP, an aLCanadian and an OUAA all-star as he completed his five-year career at Waterloo. photo by Richard
Bureau
Campus Ret information ALL-CANADIAN three Warriors
GOALTENDER: Mike chosen as an all-Canadian
contributions to the Athenas synchronized swimming team. Harvey Mitro and John Rusin shared the J,O, Hemphill Award for outstanding contribution in the areas of athletic administration, training or managing of an athletic team. In addition to being a UW track and cross country legend, Mitro played an integral role on the Men’s Interuniversity Council. Rusin, better known as the voice of the Warriors basketball team, has manmous
Bishop was in 1987-88.
one
of
Waterloo was the home of three all-Canadians in 1987-88. Froese, football linebacker Dave Shaw, and hockey goaltender Mike Bishop were all honoured as all-Canadians this season. The Athenas registered three OWIAA all-stars this season. Basketball’s Kim Rau, Helene Laurin [field Hockey] and Louise Waite (squash] took this honour. Seven different Warriors were selected as OUAA all-stars during the athletic campaign. Mitro
A thank you note
It &as indeed an honour to be recognized as co-winner of the J.O. Hemphill award at the athletic awards banquet March 25. However, I must thank several people for all their assistance. I’d like to thank Lynn and Ingrid in the athletic department for sharing their office. I also extend thanks to El1 Cook, Garney, Scott, Sharon, Alice and the tote room staff who made the job much easier, and to Leanne and Sandi for making posters fun. And finally, to my support staff of minor officials (who I won’t mention because I’d leave someone out], who were always there and always told me to relax. Thanks for a very successful basketball season, lohn Rusin Buaineas Manager Waterloo Warriors
basketball
team
by Christopher
Kemp
CHINCHILLAS BLUE FLAMES.
This term’s basketball draw was the highest it has been for many terms with 66 teams participating in all. There were, surprisingly, 13 teams in the C league, and due to this high level of competition a three win/three loss season did not assure a position in the playoffs. There were seven undefeated teams in the regular season this term, five in B and one in each of A and C leagues. PRIME TIME in A league has solidified their line up with some valuable returning members. The new arrivals of CHINCHILLAS NOT in C league has the only 6-O record in their league. The following are the champions
from
each
league:
A
league, JOHN BUSCH TEAM defeated KUSH’S KILLERS; Bl league, TORNADOS defeated FURIOUS 9; B2 league, PINK FLAMINGOS defeated HOOPLESS OUES; B3 league, PRIMORDIAL EXISTENT defeated HIGH.RYESERS; I34 league, COMANIACS defeated N3-4 MARAUDERS; C league,
NOT
defeated
Campus F&c Broombdl by Colleen
Tourney
O’Neill
Enthusiasm and competition were high last night as the C-R men’s and women’s broomball tournaments came to a climax with the three championship games. Twenty-four men’s and four women’s teams took part in 1the event.
bagged ICY R’s closed the tournament with the latter easily triumphing over the former whose star player was injured early in the first period. Overall, both tournaments were a great success and the enthusiasm of participants in this years women’s tournament provides hope for a bright future for women’s broomball in upcoming terms.
When it came down to the wire, the rivalry was renewed in the A final with SFFH once again meeting the tough COMMANDOS team for the crown. The tables turned this year with the
A commendation goes out to the referees, supportive fans, and who can forget the faithful organist who entertained frequently during evening games. Though the tournament is over for the term, rivalries have been formed that will no doubt be re-
latter-winning
kindled
the toughgame
by
a score of 3-2. In the B final, appropriately named teams BETTER B and DAVID B’S team played an evenly matched game with the end result being DAVID B on top by two. Finally, the women’s championship between a spirited SYSTEM PLUS team and the CS
in tournaments
to come.
Reminder: ,Performance Vouchers can be picked up from
the PAC receptionist during regular PAC hours and cashed in the Cashier’s Office in Needles Hall. Spring Campus Recreation ,Brochures will be available by April
20.
FRIDAY;
APRIL
MOMSDAY
1
THE LORD’S
sermon College
ECUMENICAL
VESPERS Service at
Supper with and choir. Conrad Grebel Chapel. IO:00 am.
WATERLOO
JEWlSH Students Association’s Bagel Brunch. 1130 - 130, CC 135. Make friends and eat at the same time.
STUDENT
WLU. Good Friday service to be held at 4:30 pm. in Keffer Memorial Chapel. Everyone is welcome.
SUNDAY, SUNRISE
APRIL
SERVIVE
paska breakfast. 630 Grebel College Chapel.
VOCATIONAL
Advisors
(SW&) are available to answer questions about resume writing, job search, interview skills, and much more. Feel free to drop in. JoAnn Hutchison (SVA Program Co-ordinator) 9:30 - 4:30, NH 1004, Evan Noden (Arts SVA) ll:30 - 1 :t5, ML 232.
3
followed by pm. Conrad
WRDWRSDAY TUESDAY,
AFRiL
5
LISTENING
HELP&The Help Telephone Distress Line provides intensive training in listening and crisis intervention skills. The next training course commences April 25th. To learn more about this volunteer experience, attend an Information Night, April 5th at 730 pm. at Ratz-Bechtel Family Centre, 621 King St. W., Kitchener or calt 745-l 166. WLDWISDAY,
APRIL
CHAPEL
AMNESTY
INTERNATIONAL Group 118. Join the conspiracy of hope1 We fight for the release of prisoners of conscience, oppose all forms of torture and the death penalty. You can make a difference! Campus Centre Rm, 135 at 730 pm. All are welcome.
a
and area Big Sisters requires volunteers to befriend girls and boys between the ages of four and 17. If you are a special person who is 20 years of age or older, can give three hours a week to a child, then we need you. Sig Sisters training begins Wedhesday, April 6,1988. Call 743-5206 to register. One year commitment required.
ITML WATRRLOO Go Club invites interested players to free playing time every Wednesday evening* Open play wins at 7:30 in B.C. Matthews Hall, Room 1040, Columbia Street entrance. For more information phone ext. 4424.
This week: The Breakfast Club. Movie starts at 9:W pm. in the Campus Centre Great Hall and is free of charge.
AMNESTY
APRIL
INTERNATIONAL
7
9 will meet at the Kitchener Pulbic Library, Eby room at 7:30 pm. Topic: How the London office investigates and determines the case of prisioners of conscienc&. Speaker: Marilyn McKim, Urgent Action Co-ordinator from Toronto. Everyone welcome. , I’. t.. “. ;Ia*’4: I !.,, ‘3 .
EVANQELICAL Fellowship International. Bible study in CC 138 at 7:30 pm. All are welcome.
EXPLORING
THE Christian faith. Informal discussion of Christianity with Chaplain Graham Morbey. 7:3O pm., Wesley Chapel, St. Paul’s College. All welcome. DO YbU want to write comedy? Does something about today’s world strike you as funny? If so, some out and help write our annual summer revueshow, 7:00 in CC 113.
THURSDAY
STUDENTS
WATERLOO
FOR Life meeting, 4130 -
BIBLE STUDY
for mature students. 12:30, Rm. 138, Campus Centre. All ages welcome. For more info call Jim Girling, IVCF 749-2594 or Judy 8856809.
.
LAYMEN’S
COFFEEHOUSE. An informal gathering of people who enjoy light conversation, coffee and fun times in a comfortable setting. 8:oO 11 :OO pm., CC 110. For more details call 884GLOW.
5:30, CC 138. Keep yourself informed on such topics as abortion, infanticide and enthanasia. Everyone welcome.
Group
WEEKLY WATSFIC (University of Waterloo Science Fiction Club) meeting. Upcoming events: Video Night and AD & D (Dungeons & Dragons) tournament. 630, CC 135. HURON CAMPUS Ministry Fellowship. 4:30 meal, 5:30 bible study. St. Paul’s College, MacKirdy Hall. All welcome. STUDENT VOCATiONAL Advisors (SVAs) are available to answer questions about resume writing, job search, interview skills, and much more. Feel free to drop in. Sonia Savelli (SMH 1040). 2:30 - 400.
STUDENT VOCATIONAL Advisors (SVAs) are available to answer questions about resume writing, job search, interview skills, and much more. Feel free to drop in. Kevin Lasitz (Math SVA) 11 :OO - 1200, MC 3035.Romany Woodbeck (ES SVA) 11:30 - 1230, ESI 344. Nora lbrahim (ESC 251) 2:30 - 400. Evan Noden (Arts SVA) lo:30 - 12:30, ML 232.
GLLOW
GRATIS.
THURSDAY,
PM. Evening
prayer with choir and sermon. ConradGrebel Chapel. THEMAS: Shake off those winter blabs with some interesting and unusual discussion from processed cheese to life, the universe andeverything! 5:30 - 7100, CC 138.
KITCHENER-WATERLOO
CINEMA
430
ADULT CHILDREN of Alcholics, An Al-ANON group meets on campus every W&clnesday evening. For meeting information call ext. 2424, ext. 2655, ext. 6277 or visit Counselling Services or Health and Safetv.
JEWISH Students Association’s Bagel 8runch. 1130 - 1:30, CC 135. Make friends and eat at the same time. WOMEN’S
SOCIAL Discussion Group. Come out and meet women in a casual and supportive atmosphere. 800 - 11 :OO pm., CC 110. Sponsored by GLLOW.
CHURCH CHINESE
CHRISTIAN
Fellowship:
Weekly fellowship meeting at 7:3O pm. Wilfred Laurier University, Seminary Building Rm. 201. Come and join us. all are welcome. For transuortatioh call 884-2949.
.
SATURDAY KW CYCLING Club. Spring training rides in KW region. 40 - 50 km at 35 35 KPH. All welcome. 11 :CXI am., Camkws Centre.
TAMIL
LANGUAGE classes for elementary school age children will be held under Heritage Language Program from 9:00 11:30 am. at Victoria School, 50 Joseph St., Kitchener. For more information call 747-0991,8852726 or 885-0338.
SERVICES at WLU. The Lutheran Campus Ministry will conduct services of Holy Communion at 1l:OO am. in Ketffer Memorial Chapel. A coffee hour follows and everyone is welcome. CHRISTIAN
WORSHIP on campus. 1030 am, HH 280. All campus people welcome. Sponsored by Huron Campus Ministry,
ANGLICAN
SERVICES. St. Bede’s Chapel, Renison College. Prayer Book Eucharist. 9:3O am. Contemporary Eucharist, Moose Room, men’s residence, Renison College, 11 :oO am.
MORNING
WORSHIP. Services will continue every Sunday despite the tragic death of Rev. Tom York. Communion first Sunday of each month. 11 :oO am. at St. Paul’s College. ONQOIWG
SUNDAY CHAPEL
7:00 PM. Informal service with contemporary music; coffee and discussion to follow. Conrad Grebel *I ---I Lnapel.
LAYMEN’S
EVANGELICAL Fellowship International. Evening service at 700 Dm. 163 Universitv Ave. W., Aot. 321, [MSA). AI are w&come. - s
LVLMT
VISITORS
ARE invited to discover and explore the Great Puzzle Exhibit. It’s a puzzlement for everyone with lots of puzzle trivia, riddles, mazes, fi tms: guest speakers, specie1 events and a “hands-on” game area. Free. Monday - Friday 9-5, Sunday l-5. B.C. Matthews Ha II, Museum and Archive of Games. 888-4424.
-CLAbl61IFI[ED FOR SALE Men’8 10 speed bike, tall frame, may need Amaintenance. Only 660.00. call -AL m-1 /4tj14YU* . Eurom? VW van for sale in Europe. Full .camperized. Good conditibn. Gr’eat for touring. Reasonable/w passible transport. 744-0998. 8” futi and two-way adjustible frame. Like brand newl Bought for S2OQOO. Will take any reasonable ‘offer. Cal I 747-3971. 1972 Honda C8175. Excellent condition. Economical, low insurance. $350 0.6.0. Phone 519-351-9356 after 5, or 51 g-352-6700 ext. 3116.
Plnk Floyd tickets for the Friday, May 13th show at the C.N.E. If you’re interested in good seats, call Paul at 8847598. Dwbk bad, side table and lame. Excel1ent condition. $70. 256 Philiip St. No. 16. Phone 888-6615. As& for Mark. Amlga 1000 for sale. 512K with monitar, two drives, Okimate 20 colour printer. Asking $1450. 747-2542 (Steve).
AQS Shamware: IBM, PC Compatible. 83.95 per disk. Various programs, accounting, word processing, games, etc. Call 416-679-6704 or write: APS, 269 Springside Dr., Suite C, Hamilton, L9B lP8 for free catalogue.
Continued
on page
27
Continued
from page’ 26 FOR SALE
Guccl and Rolex replica watches
for sale. Men’s and ladies’. Authentic looking and affordably priced. Call Shawn or Pat at 746-0236 anvtime.
Travel agency seeking self motivated, enthusiastic individual for part-time position in an exciting, busy office. Both experience in travel and computers an asset. All interested reply with resume to: Travel Cuts. 170 University Ave. W. Waterloo, Ont. N2L 3E9. Manaaer. Will do light moving with a small truck. Reasonable rates. Calf Jeff 8842831 . Also rubbish removal. ’
HELP
WANTED
Hat Salon is looking for models who are willing to have an updated look. We wiII be taking appointments on Wednesdays at noon. Also fun colours and perms. For more info call 8845141.
Fence Inrtallen. $7.50 plus. Own transportation requited. Greater Toronto area. Contact Sonny (416) 7370929. PalrttersnsededforToronto business. 7 to 8.50 with experience and 6 to 8 without. Leave messaae 747-3621. Kltchen&WJerlooSymphony needs bright,articulate,enthusiastic people for part-time tele marketing positions in the evening. April 18/88 to Sept 2188. Good renumeration training provided. Strong interest in the performing arts an asset. for more information call Tina at 745-4711.
We’re looklng for a persqn who wbnts a challenging and rewarding career in sales. The person we would like to talk with will be looking for a career with unlimited growth potential, will. be willing to learn, will have no reservations about hard work and creative challenge. W.e witI give you an opportunity to earn what you think you’re worth1 For a chance to join an exceptional sales team and represent station CFNY-FM as an account executive call Cliff Cohen at (416) 960-9957 Thursday, April 7th or Friday, April 8th between 200 and 500 pm. only. We’re an equal opportuni.ty employer. Cu8hkr needed. Part-time cashier is needed for midnight shift. Farah’s Food Mart. Weber & University. Telephone 746-8396.
RIDE
AVAILABLE
Rldea - .Toronto. MTWfF, 600 am. 85. Saturday leave Noon and return Sunday
evenings.
Kumar
746-l 529.
typlrt. 81 AXI per D.S. page. Near campus - MSA. Call Karen L. at 746-0631.
JS Typing Unlimited. Professional secretarial services by legal secretary. Fast, accurate, dependable service. Seven davs a week. 886-3326. Typing all kinds, Fast, reasonable rates. Phone and leave message 7441636. Word proceasing. Fast, accurate, letter quafity.$2.OO/page double spaced, minimum $5.00. Disk storage for quick revisions. Call Fannie 6643652.
Jurt reaume8 and letters. Resumes ($4.00 per page}, letters ($2.00 per page). Letterqualityprinter. NearSeagram Staduium. Phone 885-l 353.
For rent Three rooms in a Columbia Lake townhouse, May -Aug. Fuflyfurnish8d lakeside unit. $2OO/mo. Contact Tom, Grant or Ken. 747-3150. Phflllp St: Ons bejdroom available in three bedroom apartment. Fully furnished except for bedroom. Share with two males. 8230/month. Phone evenings 747-3147 or weekends (4161825-0586. Rent negotlibkl
Three bedroom, fully furnished apartment to sublet May .Aug. 88. Rent ‘by the room, or whole apt. Close t@ campus, Make us an offer. Calf Aridtea 884-5047.
Summer sublet. Four bedroom Columbia Lake townhouse. Fully furnished, free cable and parking, close to laundry fjrcifities. Rent negotiable 747-2360, Ottawa - rplendCdtwr> bedroom apartment {with kitchen, living ‘and washroom). Right near Mooney’s Bay Beach. Approx. 86OOImonth. Details I61 31731-4560. Columbia Lak, townhouse to sublet Summer ‘88. Four rooms individually available. Fully furnished, laundry, parking. $190. negotiable. Call 7462724. c‘,
Roommatea
wanted:
Two rooms available in specious four bedroom (clean) townhouse located in Sunnydale. Bedrooms unfurnished. Rent approx. $135. May - August:746-067% Hour for sale in Cambridge. Immaculate three bedroom bungalow with attached garage, finished basement, large sunroom ,on south side facing treed and fen@ lot in a quiet neighbourhood. Minutes from 401. To view call evenincrs 653-4521. Lsfge mrrtirbedroom with attaching bathroom and walk-in closet available in three-bedroom apartment May L August 1986. Suitable for sharing $125/ma/person. Single occupancy $200/mo. Grsat apartment, furnished, spacious. 15 min. walk to U of W. 746-4932 if interested.
Room for rent. May to August
with option for September. $150/month: Call Frances ?47-2159/884-2990.
Fad, l ccumte
typing and letter quality word processing. Resumes, essays, theses, business reports. Free pickup and delivery. Call Diane, 5761284. Fart, proferslonrl word processing by university grad. Pick-up/delivery available on campus. Grammar, spefling, corrections available. Suzanne, 886-3857. “Worck” - Professional typing senfices. Offered 7 days/week. Work guaranteed. Call 578-6653. Pick up and delivery available. 32 ye&n experience. 85 cents double spaced page. IBM Selectric. Essays, resumes, theses, etc. Westmount-Erb area. Call 886-7153. Typing - $l.oO/page (d.s.). Typist on campus (MSA). Over 10,DDO quality pages since 1984. Call Karen Shaw at 746-3 127. . 32 yeanexperience; 8 (ectronic typewriter, .85 double spaced page. Westmount area. Call 743-3342.
Typing: Fast, accurate typist with over 25 years experience, will type essays, theses, resumes, etc. New Spell Writ8 II Dictionary SD 250. 81 .OO per doubfe-spaced sheet. Cal1 Cyn at 7426583. Word Procmlng. Essays, theses, resumes. etc. 13 years experience. Fast reliable service. On campus pick-up and delivery. Call Sharon 748-l 793. I fyplrt avalbble for repws; tmfis, etc. IBM-AT computer “wife” letter quality printer. Rates: 82.OO/double spaced page. Graphics, charts, etc. extra. Call 741-8637 after 4:00 pm.
HOU8ING
Experienced
London
k Rq in well-kept student house. Laundry, kitchen facilities, living room, parking. Beautiful area close to downtown and U.W.O., 82OO/month\ Linda 673-6594. Summer ‘88. N&w four bedrooq townhouse. 268 Phiflip Street. Balcony, laundry, parking, only five minutes class. Option lease for Fall ‘88. Reduced rent. 747-3711 a
to
to
Free 2-4 for each lease8 of Columbia Lake townhoum, Unit 28 for summer term (i.e. May - Aug. 88). Limited offer for three .people. Rent is 82OO/mo. or best offer. Operators are standing by. 886-7539. . You, you, you ‘and you. We watt to invite you to sublet our Phiilip St. apt. for the summer. Fully furnished common rooms. Reasonable rent. Call 746-03 10. 0-r work term. Three furnished rooms available for summer. Close to shopping, theatres, buses, BNR/NT and other high-tech companies. Kitchen plus laundry privilages, parking. 8275 inclusive. Non-smokers. Calf Richard 613-741-1198.
SemCdetached house for rent. May August 1988. Five bedroom, 2% bathroom, porch, bar-b-que, near shopping centre, 10 minute bike to UW, $lOOO/month . plus utilities. Phone collect (416) 531-5233. House to shar8 May - August 1988. Three rooms available, almost anything you could’want in a home. 1% bathrooms, laundry, parking, nice kitchen, living and dining rooms, front porch, back. patio, microwave, VCR and most Iy furnished. Call 746-2084.
AVAILABLE
Unlvervlty
of Ottawa area apartment to be sublet May to September. Lease renewable S46O/month for two bedroom basement apartment. Ten min. walk to U of 0. Call 613-564-2447 or 235-2034 and ask for Mark. Toronto In the summer. One bedroom in two bedroom apartment available for summer for non-smoker. Large apartment with ‘eat-in kitchen, large living room and lotsa closets. On Bathurst, south of St. Clair. Steps from St. Clair West subway. Share with recent Waterloo grad and girlfriend. Rent is $375/month includes utilities, cable, phone, microwave, VCR and coIour TV. Phone 8rent at 747-3506.
Two roorm available in Columbia Lake Townhouses. 8205/manth/room (save $120 off regular term price), Fully furnsihed. TV. 746-3794. Two rooms - available for summer to sublet. $170. plus utilities. To share with lhree other students on Allen St. Females Only. Call l-753-5555 or l756-4169.
New four bedroom apartment for rent. Available May 1 st. with option to take lease. Close to campus, parking, laundry facilities, large balcony, free cable TV. Rent negotiable. Make an offer. 747-2164.
One month free rent! Four bedroom, semi-detached house available for summer or lease available in May. The house is semi-furnished, fully carpeted, 1l/2 bathrooms, dishwasher, big back yard, patio. Must be seen. Phone 746-0873. Cheap houhng! Three rooms in a large house are available for the summer term. Garage, two bathrooms, sun porch, large backyard. Close to school and Zehrs, beer store, ‘etc. For info. call 747-2382. Ask for Rob or Marc. Large house. Summer ‘68. for four six people. 20 minute walk from UW. 1% bath, fireplace, two fridges, dishwasher, sundeck/patio, finished basementa Reasonably priced. 8845687 or 884-9678. Gorgeous place! Responsible, nonsmoking female wanted to share a two-bedroom apt. with same. May August ‘88. Hazel St. location - must be seen. 746-0235.
Free: Ca#e of beer (your choice) if you want to live in a Phillip St. townhouse from May - August ‘88. For $170/month, this four bedroom endunit has a washer and dryer and is three minutes from U of W campus. Call now and get four free months of cable lV. Calf Morag 884-9832 or Trish 884-8703 after 6130.
Ottawa
Summer rpectaculrr. 458 Midwood Crescent. Three bedroom bungalow, long driveway, finished basement, large kitchen and bathroom, very clean (former prof’s home). Calf 8847393 ‘evenings and weekends.
May - August
Columbla Lake Townhouses. Single room for $170/month , brand new place, free parking, fully furnished, etc... Phone 747-2542 {Steve). AvaIlaWe 1 May - 31 Aug. Three rooms in private apt. S 150 per month, Female only. Call Paul Weiner 6962506. No f@ollng! Rooms available
in Columbia Lake Townhouses. Everthing new, fully furnished, lV, patio for tanning, close to campus. Only $205/month/roam/. Call 746-3794. by -Augurl. Rooms available in spacious, partly furnished house. Complete with washer, dryer, air conditioner, tennis courts, free parking. Only 8185.00 plus utilities. Call 884-4669 or 8850956.
Summer ‘88. Fully furnished, four bedroom Columbia Lake townhouse available for summer term. Free cable, water and parking. Located close to laundry facilities. For more info phone 747-2548. condo. Furnished two bedroom. Short walk to U of O/Downtown. Tennis and squash courts, pool, sauna. 8550 May-Aug. (613) 5944858. Norm or Blake. ‘88 sublet: Sunnydale,
three bedrooms, fully furnished, clean, dryer, IO min. walk to campus. 81 lO/month/room. 886-2919.
,Columbls
Lake totin house. Two rooms to sublet for May-August, fufly furnished. Call Julie or Sasha at 7460273. Rent negotiable. . Two bedrooms (out of five) house+ Fully furnished, washer, dryer, microwave, dishwasher, parking, 2nd floor deck. King and Columbia. 9196Imonth (util. included). Option to lease house in Scot. Gord 747-2238.
Gnduetlng
studenb - Available June lst, 88. One bedroom in a’three bedroom luxury condominium. Located in Toronto at Young8 and Steel+. Hasall modern conveniences. 8425/month.’ Call (416) 922-0595 after 8 pm. May 1. Two bedrooms
ment to share with two others, 8189 per month, ‘female only. Call Paul Weiner 696-2506.
in spacious mi-detached. Close to campus, shopping. Parking, laundry, deck. male non-smokers preferred. 746-2 164.
Btielor
Semifurnished,balcony, underground parking, laundry facilities, next to campus, Call John 746-3158 between 5-7 pm.
New townhouse,
La8t
May-Aug88.Three bedroomapt. partially furnished; parking available; five min. from campus; laundry in building; $2OO/person plus utilities; option for leas@ Sect. 88. 747-2964.
Available 1 Sept. One room in apart-
apt. fqr the summer.
chance...cheapest yet. Furnished, clean, microwave, cable, minutes from laundry facilities, grocery store and campus. Only four rooms left. Only $125 /month...815 fixed utilities. Fall option, fetiale, nonsmoker. Location: Karen Walk. Call 747-4179 or U of W 3106,
August freelTwo
rooms in large townhouse at 8150/month+ 8eside Plaza (Zehrs, laundromat). Near Bluevale/Lincoln. Mostty furnished, .7465349. Three bedroom house available May August with option to lease in September. Washer and dryer, garage, foe; to both U’s. 8150/mo. 746-
Summer l ubfet. Albert St, townhouse. Three single rooms available. Semi-furnished. $525/month. Phone 746-7489. pool, three bedroom townhouse for May - August, five minute bike ride from campus, beside Parkdale Plaza, very convenient, dryer. Phone 8854955. Cheapl Phllllp St. Three bedrooms in four bedroom townhouse. Free parking, laundry facilities. Two minutes to Campus. Summer ‘88.819O/rm/mth plus hydro$ Phone 747-2124. $tJO/month rent + 15 minute walk to .U of W (10 to WLU) + 1 minute to laundry
and
VCR
rentels,
+
pool + not Sunnydale = 1 great summer termI! You won’t believe itl ,Two rooms in a three bedroom townhouse. Call 745-2136 (females only pleas& urge house; five bedroom for rent. On Columbia at Albert. Partially furnished large basement, dishwasher, large yard, gazebo. ..8200 per room. Natalie 747-2164.
Columbia Lake, to sublet summer ‘88. Four rooms individually available. Fully furnished, parking, laundry. Priee negotiable. Call 746-2724.
Mid Apill - Sept. Two large bedrooms in a furnished three bedroom apt. Parking, large backyard, close to shopping and campus. 6190., negotiable. 747-2005 after 600 Dm.
258 Phllllp St. Large room available in townhouse shared with two others (laundry facilities and parking). May Aug./88. 8206Imonth phone 8866389.
- fumlahed two - three bedroom house or condo, by responsible professimal, for 6 - 12 months. I will look after your place while you are on sabbatical. Cal t Kathy, 884-3503 daytime, 578-9683 evenings.
Futon man: Well, I guess the classi- , fied part of our relationship is over. From now on we’ll just have to resort to phone.,.well, we’ll just have to stick to the phone for our contact and fun and affection. Luv, your personal masseuse.
Friend8 and Lovers - an introduction service for students by students. Nonprofit, confidential, only $15 per year1 Recent graduates, dropouts welcorned1 P.O. Box 8081, Substation 41, London, Ontario. N2G 260.
Ollver Inc.1 It’s time to cetebrate! Our summer in T.O. is within reach, you’ve survived four years of Waterloo and be&t of all no more Monday - Friday blues. I’m excited, how about you? Love vour suckl To those who are concerned about the fate of Scott: Thanks for the photo. We’ve had our favourite portion enlarged and it now hangs on our wall. You should come see it sometime. As for Scott we have taken cafe of him very nicely. A & G. Nina Sanghera: A girl who idolizes Bon Jovi and Motley Crue; and yes, she’s still a virgin1 Get a life1 Boys of EA. ‘Futon man: How do you give a massage over the phone? Luv, your personal masseuse. VI Orlentatlon committee1 Have 8 great summer and try to save some energy for our mid-summer party weekend, not to mention fresh week. SAA mmberr: Thanks term1 Mark & Gwen.
for a great
Raffle winnen of Sigma Chi’s 60 OZ. Glass Cupids are: 1st. - Andrew Saikali, 2nd - Klara Savickis, 3rd - Glen Anderson. Watch fat UWatch - Toronto Alumni ChaDtar. See Courier for details. Wanton
Wench: Your eyes are like fire, Your bod is just fine, Cneed you babe, What time shall w8 dine? The Chief. P.S. Let’s talk sometime.
Raffle winner8
- the Warriors Band would like to thank those who supported us by buying raffle tickets, The winners are: 1st - Mr. Broom {No. 1 .I 37), 2nd - Edward Scanga (No. 1701), 3rd - David Ctarke (No. 1264). Winnerscancontacttheband through the Athletic Office. Hey youl Red licorice exists endlessly inside me. But only for you. Catch ya April 11. Goin’crazy already. Goomba.
Buff & Hlp~: Sorry we missed you still want to donate? Come to Jane and Mel’s, we’ll make your Biff’s Happy!
Dear Sam Garcea: You may be short in height, but you are not small in “size”; I couldn’t get enough of your “throbbing manhood” on Friday night. I hope we meet again. Luv, you know who.
Venlty
tr8ck: It’s April ‘88. Shouldn’t we be meeting? How about 8 reply? Your 1Ex) English Co-op. Looking for attractive red-head, must be into barber chairs, long showers, strawberry ice-cream, insomnia and of course, Lifesavers, I’m interested, but your never around. Mr. Lifesavers. Europe! Au&alla! We are organizing a network for students working and travelling overseas. If interested, contact Mary 747-2115 or Neil 7466259.
IAESTE
awapl We are setting up a support network for students working and travelling abroad. If interested contact Mary 747-2115 or Neil 7468269.
Wanted
Swlmfilng
groceries,
sebus, FeCall
PERSONALS
Hourlng
timtad: Two - three bedroom unit. Lease for Sept. 1. Must have laundry facilities. Possible to negotiate rent for summer.. Call MaryEllen at 884-5076.
Fall ‘88. House or townhouse wanted for four to five mature UW students. Danny 884-5666, Paul 8848908% Room wanted in older house in Central Waterloo or Kitchener for eight months starting in Septembhr. Above ground. Bob 746~0222.
with
your
unphnned
Lwt, 6&ge shawl. Hand crotched, characteristics of a net. V-shaped. Please call 746-3536. Boni. -
sawicm -
“Y liiiiil
Professional Research &
Literary
PERSONALS Alone
LOST
preg-
Mcy? Call Birthright ,We offer support and can help you discover your ootions cal I 579-3990.
Services
9604042 Deadrho rppmaching? uo for lJu8My emvkc. 4 Collier St., Suite 201. Toronto, Ontario M4W lL7
Call
*En Solde Ce ‘Pfintemps Vector 88
‘Bargain Basement Deals Cordata Portable -~
V40 CPU @ 4.7718 MHz (si=3.2) l 640K RAM l 2 - 360K DSDD floppy drives . serial/parallel/real tirfie clock l AT-style keyboard l
l l l
. l
small footprint
8088 CPU 512K RAM expandable to 640K 2-360K floppies serial parallel ports 9” high res screen (64 b x 400) MS DOS & GW Basic
l
(14% x 14%)
l
monochrome.AND colour graphics adaptor (no more graphics solution) high res monochrome monitor with swivel nationwide warranty by Xerox
l l l l
l l l
80286
1 megabyte RAM
CPU @ 6110
l
MHz
360K floppy drive 40 megabyte hard disk l real time clock a 8 expansion slots l 230W power supp l printer port l AT-style keyboard l monochrome adaptor l high res monochrome monitor l
8088 CPU 512K RAM expandable l -360K floppy parallel/mouse/game
includes
2.5 MHz zero wait state
(15 MHz effective speed; up to 5096 faster than Big Blue Model 50)
1 megabyte 80ns fast RAM l 360K floppy drive l 40 megabyte hard disk l real time clock l 8 expansion slots l 230W power supply l printer port . 1. AT-style keyboard l monochrome adaptor l high res monochrome monitor
includes
$399-
& cables
hard disk, controller
$599” w “699”
& cables
40 meg AT hard dssk voice
coil, 3’8 msec
US Robotics Sportstar ’
1200
$1 9Qg9 w $119” $w $899”
external
101 key enhanced keyboard Packard BelVGoldstar
l
$2-49999.
$399-
40 meg hard disk kit
Dart &286/40 CPU @ 6/l
w
ports
hard disk, controller
sP2Q’QQQ 80286
$%0sto 640K
20 meg hard disk kit
l
l
~ ~
.
Esprit 286/40 l
~--.
Express -16
91’OQQQQl
$QQQQQ
EGA monitor w/ Paradise * while quantities
EGA last!
DC factor-L 170 University
Ave. MI., University
Technical Sales/Support Due to rapid expansion, opportunities exist at K-W’s most respected‘ name in computer hardware for a self-motivated individual with a sound background in microcomputer hardware to promote / support our new line of high speed 80286/80386 microcomputers & nu.mber crunching/engineering. application hardware.
Shops Plaza II, Waterloo
Opportunities
from the Applications are invited graduating class of ‘88 as well as students in 3rd/4th year (co-op/non coop) in math/science/engineering. This is a challenging position requiring a very high degree of technical skill & a sense of humour. Please -submit resume & transcript in confidence to:
1
K-W’s most respected name in computer hardware 258 king St.. N., Waterloo,
Ontario.
N2J 2W
0099
746-4565