THURSDAY,
MARCH
31,1983
THE REFORMIST . ISSUE
Entertainment for Engineers
Engineering Society “X”
ENGINEERS PULL. IT FOR THE. PUBLIC by Scrote MurEh? Bornagenginews staff As predicted,thc plight of the Co-op Engineer this coming work term is bad. There are very few jobs available. No one is recruiting. According to University of Waterloo figures, only one third of Engineers have been placed in jobs for the summer. Up until last Tuesday, several Engineers were making other plans. Some were thinking ofapplyingforajobat K-Mart or Dairy Queen. Some were even taking more drastic measures. One Engineer was overheard to say that he was considering switching to Math! How low must these people sink before something is done to help them? Well, someone is prepared to help. Kitchener Transit announced on Tuesday that they are prepared to hire any Engineer that does not find work for the summer. In explaining this unusual move, Kitchener Transit spokesperson Helmut Glitch remarked, “Vut ve have planned iz shtoo put zee Enguneers to verk. Zay vi11 help zemselves ont be doingk a great
service to da taxpayers ov za shity.” What exactly will the Engineers be doing? Well, it seems as though Kitchener Transit was so’impressed with the Engineers’ Bus Pull that they (Kitchener Transit) have decided to use Engineers every day of the week pulling buses. Kitchener Transit feels that not only will the speed of their routes increase greatly, but the profit will be overwhelming. Kitchener Transit plans to have the students do exactly what they did in the Bus. Pull, and that includes canvassing cars for donations. As Mr. Glitch explained, “Da average pershun on du shtreet vont no da difference. If da schtudents shay itz for da charity, who da hell cares? People vi11 give out dare money unt veel pocket it!” Because Kitchener taxpayers subsidize the Transit system, it will be a great relief to them if the Engineers can pull this off (no pun intended). Kitchener Transit will have enough money from passing motorists and pedestrians. They won’t have togo for an increase from the average citizen. Kitchener Transit also believes that they will be able to save money in repair,
A Blatant Reclaimer BORNAGENGINEWS is an occasional publication - created, edited, and funded entirely through the voluntary donations and efforts of undergraduate engineers at the University of Waterloo, and anyone else who is politically correct, morally upstanding, is demonstrably free of sin, carnal knowledge outside wedlock, and willing to shoot pro-abortionists on sight. Consequently BORNAGENGINEWS will be forced upon the sinning masses of UW in a desperate, last-ditch effort to save them from plunging even further into the depths of sin and depravity which they have already plumbed. WE TAKE THE CONTENTS SERIOUSLY - SO SHOULD YOU IF YOU WANT TO SAVE YOUR SOUL! PAX VOBISCUM!
fuel and parts bills. In a prepared statement, the Transit people made these observations: (1) we won’t have to buyany more gas. The only fuel we’ll have to buy is a six pack per engineer per day. (It is assumed the Engineers will have enough business sense to not drink too much whilst on the job). (2) Wear and tear on parts such as brakes and mufflers will be reduced seeing as how the buses will never have to be started up! (3) Repair bills for damage caused in accidents will become a thing of the past. Head-on collisions will cause no damage to the bus because there will be at least 50 engineers in front of each bus. The engineers will absorb the impact of th,e crash. It has also been reported that some of the more creative engineers will be hired to put out Kitchener Tra.nsit’s monthly newsletter, “Diesel Engine News”. The University of Waterlooco-ordinationand placement office is very pleased with the developments with Kitchener Transit and is of course, taking the credit for finding the jobs for the students. The University feels that having Engineers pull the buses around the city
;
will help increase the Campus’s image. It was mentioned however, that somebody from the Vice-President’s office has requested that the Engineers make no mention whatsoever to the University when publishing Diesel Engine News. The President of EngSoc, Mark Giddy commented that he felt that the arrangemerit with Kitchener Transit should have been made years ago. “This will be one of the first jobs I’ve ever had that really tests my mind and puts my education to good work,” Giddy went on to say. Engineers can be thankful that someone is looking out for them this year. As Kitchener Transit spokesperson Helmut Glitch explains it, “Dis vi11 be da firscht summer dat du Enguneers vi11 not joost shit around, but vi11 be paid to pullda Big Ones all over da Shity.” If you are an Engineer and have no summerjob,oryouwanttoquittheCo-op job you have now to takeadvantage of this exciting program, leave your name at Coordination and Placement before April 1st. You will be notified at a later date when you will be able to pull it for the public.
-
,
THURSDAY,
MARCH
31,1983
Universitv Students Need God! J
The University of Water-l.00 is a modern Babylon. All about us we see students soiling their SOUIS in all manner of sin . . . lechery, drunkenness, sodomy, fornication. We have studied the situation very carefully - especially the fornication -and we know there is an answer. Our own experience here at BORNAGENGINEWS should teach students that even the most deeply debauched, the most highly depraved, the most morally bankrupt, still have hope. Just months ago our rag was so offensive as to cause news stories to appear all across the country; so awful that the Imprintstaff refused to haveanything todo with us (and you know their standards - they do work for the Federation almost every week!); and generally so scummy that a whole women’s movement on campus was created to combat us (you don’t hear anything from them now that we’re reformed, do you?) But then came the Day of Enlightenment, when the militant churches of the West Bank (The Church of the Other Side of Laurel Creek) converted us, en masse, by repeated dunkings in the ever-flowing waters of Laurel. We urge students everywhere to put down their beers, their contraceptive pills, some of the more creative sex tools, and women to cast off their hip-hugging, buttock-gripping, thigh-revealing jeans and put on a decent skirt and follow the example of our wonderful EngSoc President, Mark Giddy and join us in some milk and cookies.
This publication could not have been produced Christian attitude of the following people: Editor:
Pope Len
Sub-Editors:
Sister Karina Mother Patricia Father Don Choir Boy Sanjay
Production:
The Almighty
Sub-Production:
Saint Diane
Brother Scott and Brother Don are the keepers of the Bornagenginews till. The?] Myill beglad to accept all donations for our holJ1 cause. Mail to CC 140, University of Waterloo.
The Prez Spews from the Pews Hallelujah Brothern and Sistern! We are here to comfort the souland restoreth the faith in the campus publication. We have been called the newsletter of Satan, the deliverer of pornography,and basically a rag. But no my children, we will not listen to the words of people who know not the difference between shit and Shinola. We shall provide that ray of golden light to leadeth the flocks into the shadow of the valley of final exams. Yes dear people, the editor loves you. He watches over you. He has instructed his followers to deliver the inspirational message to the multitudes. We bring you “Bornagenginews”! As President of your loving Engineering Society, I bring you good tidings ofgreat joy. The brothernand sisternofyourbeloved publication have worked long hours for you. No my children, not for money, not for recognition, but because they love you and they know the POWER of the editor! Not only will BORNAGENGINEWS bring you an inspirational message to lighten your burden, but it will heal you. YES MY CHILDREN, WE CAN HEAL YOU! Has the power of Satan come into your body to cause you pain? All you have todo my children is place whatever hurts on this inspirational message, say 25 Hail Mary’s and you will be cured. Yes, my children, cured! /,nd now, a message of salvation from our publisher, Brother Donny: “Thank you Brother Marcus. My children, my followers, my people . . . we have gathered here at the BORNAGENGINEWS Office to pray, break bread, drink Holy fire water and bring you this issue. We at the BORNAGENGINEWS love you and hope that you’ll ’ show your love for us by suppoetin’the good cause that Brother Marcus will tell you ah-out.” Thanks, Brother Donny. Friends.. . that gobd cause that’thegood Brother Danny was referring to was our fund raisin’ drive. Yes, my lovin’ children, we at BORNAGENGINEWS Publications and Ministries Inc. need your support once again to rid thiscampusof theforcesq&vil. Wetieed yourlove. Send us yourlove. Go to your wallets and purses and take out a few dollars for your friends at BORNAGENGINEWS. Just a few dollars mylovingchildren. That is all it takes to make yourself feel good, knowing that you have helped. You have helped us here at BORNAGENGINEWS stamp out Satan. You have helped us bring you this weekly publication to feed that hunger for the food of the soul. You havealso helped us bring the symbol of the Holy land right to our very Campus, Yes, brothernand sistern, I’m talking about a sheep from the Holy land of Jerusalem. And remember brothernand sistern (especially brothern) the holy sheep is here for anyone’s righteous intentions. Dropeth down any night, and ask for Sistern Belinda, the keeper of the sheep. “Howcan I help? WherecanIsend Well now my children, you’re asking yourselves, it’s as easy as th!s . . . take your my tax deductible donation ?” Well loved followers money, place it in an envelope and send it to Brother Scott and Brother Don, BORNAGENGINEWS Publications and Ministries Inc., c/ o CC 140, University of Waterloo. We will take your money my blessed children and do HIS work. Yes,dear people, the editor’s work. We love you. We pray for you. We need your money. Send lots today. Hallelujah! Brother Marcus Giddy Beloved President of Engsoc
without
the unselfish
and all-round
Bast
Business:
Her Holiness
Sub-Business:
Bishop
Hannigan
Advertising:
Monsignor
Sub-Advertising:
Reverend
Martin
Photography:
Mahatma
Lussier
Burkholder M urr
Other contributions were made by the faithful Brothers and Sisters of Bornagenginews. They feel not the need to identifythemselves. God knows who they are. He will protect their lives. Thank you and bless you all. Amen.
The Almighty Bast Mlarns against the evils qf beer and drunkenness. He encourages all tojoin Bornagenginews in our elforts to rid the campus qf all vices. Bast is heading up our VIilk and Cookies” Campaign.
I’HURSDAY,
MARCH
THREE
BORNAGENGINEWS
31,1983
Letters to the Editor Dear Editor, I think the whole idea of acid rain is disgusting. Just think how accessible that drug will be to little children if they let it fall from the air like rain. I think somebody should crack down on those dope dealers and stop acid rain completely. Next thing you know they will be letting them make cocaine rain. I What? Well, what is acid rain? Oh! Never mind. Emanuel Latella Dear Editor, ’ I ama bornagainartsie. Yes, I used to be one of those pathetic pantywaists walking around campus handing out brochures on Disarmament and other stupid ass lefty causes, but one drunken night in the hands of a bunch of Real Men (i.e. Engineers) I saw the light. Now I realize that instead of being a fool and a dangerous nut, Ronald Reagan will be the salvation of the West. Once he gets his programmes on particle-beam weapons and laser missile-destroyers through congress (make sure to get thosecardsand letters in to our representatives in Parliament, folks; better yet, save the time and send them direct to Mr. Reagan!) then the economy will start picking up again, and everyone will be fully employed in good, solid, manly industries. And all of us engineers can be put to good use, too. See how wonderful it all is? G. Bushwacker, Waterloo Dear Editor: In these times of rising prices, rising inflation and rising unemployment, many people are worrying about their financial security, theirjob security, and ultimately, their personal security. It is reassuring to know that the University of Waterloo takes such extensive measures to ensure the security of its students, faculty and staff. It is truly commendable in fact that, when it is not safe to walk alone at night on an unlit street near a dense wooded area if yo.u are female, the paved sidewalks and grassy quadrangles of the U W campus are absolutely secure. Take the trees between the Dana Porter Arts Library and the Arts Lecture Hall for example. Since the summer of 1982, those trees have been kept from disrupting the midnight walks of French students because of their restraining fence. Not once since the barrier was erected has a student been harrassed in that area. In addition, not one tree has escaped.
_
I am sure that many have witnessed what they believe to be the coldhearted destruction of the European Beech trees in the Arts flower garden. Before these persons cry out loud, they should listen to the true reason for this. Those low lifes, those European Beechs had been prosecuted a number of times on sex-related charges (bet you can’t even guess what they were) and werecut down in their prime only last week. Enough said. Very recently, students complained about harrassment near the Campus Centre. As a result all of the trees and grass between the C.C. and M&C were fenced in. To date, security hasn’t heard a complaint. The crowding of trees and grass near South Campus Hall is now no longer a threat to security because the offending individuals have been delegated to firewood. Cuts are even occuring in the walkway behind Minota Hagey. Security has been concerned about Waterloo trees wandering into the streets. One added benefit of the security measures taken on campus is that each square metre of grass allocated to students upon entrance to the university has been accounted for and students can rest assured that their grass will be waiting for them when they graduate. Now isn’t that nice news for a change?? Dear Editor, I think it is shameful that the Engineering Society would encourage engineers to go around pushing people’s big sisters. There is more than enough violence in the wokld already without EngSoc supporting more. Maybe it is time that we started looking to ourselves before criticizing foreigners about their violent practices. What? well what did they push? Oh! Never mind. Emanuel Latella
A Story
0 Fl .Sl
New research which an underwater video camera will allow local anglers to see for themselves why fish strike and why they don’t in a feature film entitled Salmon Spectactular!produced in British Columbia and coming to the Humanities Theatre of the University of Waterloo on Thursday, April 7 at 8:00 p.m. Sport fishing authority Charlie White uses a tiny rerirotelycontrolled TVcamera attached to the lure to reveal surprising answers to age old questions about fish strike behaviour. Fascinating, close-up footage shows the actual moment of strike. Slow motion replays allows the audience to learn what triggers a fish to attack. Biologists in Canada and the U.S.A. speculate that White’s new discoveries may apply to all game fish. His side by side on camera lure comparison tests show for the first time how fish react to lure action, size, vibration and smell. Plugs, spoons, flashers and baits are flies, dodgers, included in the testing. Other sequences show huge schools of bait fish under attack, the feeding frenzy of Pacific sharks, eagles swooping down on their prey,and even crabs entering a baited trap. The 90 minute full colour feature film climaxes with the dramatic underwater on camera strike and struggle of a huge 56 pound King Salmon:
Charlie White strains to lift the 56 lb. salmon which struck in full view of his underuyater video camera. The entire drama of catching this hugefish is part of Whilte kfilm, Salmon “Spectacular!“u~hichalsofeaturessidebyside on-campus lure comparison tests on fish strike behaviour.
Dear Editor, I think the whole idea of disarming is disgusting. Why should we ask people in other countires to cut off their arms when we are not about to cut off our own? No, disarmament just won’t do. Nobody would be able to play guitars anymore or do two-handed set shots in basketball. I think we should forget about disarmament. What? Well, what is disarmament? Oh! Never mind. E.L.
CAREERLECTURE The Career Information Centre has sponsored a talk at Carl Pollock .Hall, entitled “Christian careers for Students”. Last Thursday, they featured Harvey Largetank speaking on “I Drovea Truck for God”. Largetank, a trucker who runs the Waterloo-Louisiana route, told students, “It’s refreshin’ to go to the South every third day; it’s like a damn’ spiritual renewal, y’know.” * “Every day,” he told the enraptured crowd of forty Engineering students, “Yuh sees the evidence of God’s presence in this great wide world of ourn.” He showed slides of honest white cops controlling the riotings of black sinners in the ghettos, and honest white truckers controlling the unnatural urges of pinkclad laddies in strange-colored Volkswagens at the sides of highways. “An’ yuh get yor re-wards, too, boys,” Largetank pontificated. He spoke of free burgers at truckstops, honest, white Christian waitresses willing to comfort the lonely hours of an honest, Christian trucker late at night, when your
rig’s
parked at the side of the road while you’re taking a piss, you can look up into the great wide firmament, behold the stars, and whisper to yourself in reverent tones, “Ain’t the universe fuckin’ wonderful?” One student questioned Largetank on the issue of waitresses, wondering if Largetank might not be coming dangerously close to temptation there. After knocking the questioner around a bit (“Gotta pound some sense into you young fellers’ heads,“) he denied the charge, saying, “What kinda shit d’you think I is, anyway?” Other Christian careers to be featured include: D.E: W.-line operators: be alone in the Arctic for six months at a time with good Christian boys like yourself, keeping watch against the godless Communist hordes. An excellent chance to study for the monestary. Also: Computer programming in lnuvik: be close to nature and in the technological forefront at the same time. Program surveys of lichen/caribou densities, and pray to God to get you the hell out during those six-month nights.
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Turn
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zm e ENG. SOC. presents “/.,405%
A Special Disney Film- Festivai,, Featuring The Classic
Herpes !Che Love
Bug
‘(Or ‘Give The Gift That Keeps On Giving’) EngSoc Orifice, Thursday, March 31st 4:30 p.m. Free Admission
,
Campus Events - Friday, April l-
- Sunday, April 3 order their funding be increased for Eng Sot. His future political The Morning-After-Theintentions will be revealed when Night-Before Club meets he announces his candidacy for tonight at the Kent for wings and the Presidency of Eng S.ocon the this morning at the CC for Bromo platform, “I want them to spell my/ - and 222’s. , name right!” Planning Conference - 2:00, (April Fools!) room 239 in the Campus Centre. . - Sat. April 2 7th in a series of lectures for the benefit of Engineers who can’t Improvisational Morality Plays plan anything. Today’s lecture is in HH 180, 8:00 p.m. True Life by EngSoc President Mark dramas of conversion and enGiddy. Giddy will discuss the in the modern lightenment merits of planning your Saturday University environment. night beer drinking well enough Fed Flicks - The Cross and the so that you’ll have some left over Switchblade, The Robe, and The for Sunday because the Beer Ten Commandments will Stores won’t be open until preceed a popular seminar on Monday. Why Dirty Movies are Bad for EngSoc will be sponsoring a Your Soul. Sunrise Service Parade, starting The Night-Before-The Mornat CPH and ending at Columbia ing-After Club meets tonight at Lake where a re-baptism of faith the Kent for Wings and Beer. will take place. Skin-diving suits Grab yourself a copy of Milton for the easily chilled are and discover why you have to recommended. know evil before you can know good. Religion Across Laurel Creek: Chaplains Lem Rooistrer and Reverend Roy from the Church Graham Cracker invite students of the Street will deliver an from the Columbia baptism inspirational message to the (please don’t drip) and all others clerical staff at the Orifice. All interested to alO: a.m. service, welcome. No bed sheets HH 380. required.
House at the home of Chaplain Paul Bosh. OK, he’s only from Laurier, but at least he’s Lutheran. Drop by, bring cash.
Open
and Public Healing. ‘Self-proclaimed female evangelist Ima Goodlay will heal the sick, wounded, and open-handed. Lecture, “I Slept with Jesus, and Boy Was It Good” to follow.
Muddy
Mug
Coffeehouse
will sponsor perverted stuff in the closet of CC 110. We’re going to put a stop to this obscene unChristian societyundermining child-destroying commie-sypathizing crud right now. GLOW
The New Women’s
Centre
FOUR
(we
converted them) will be sponsoring seminars on, To Love, Honour, and Obey, In the ,Home and Happy, My Man and I Like Him and True Liberation in Christ - No More Shit About Burning Underwear. Good stuff. Donations ($35 recommended) welcome. Brzuzskwosksiii will make a public speech today retracting all negative comments directed inthe way of Eng Sot in the last two months. He will make public the fact that he didn’t mean the any of the bad things he said about Engineers and their association with the University and will
Dr. Tom
Riverwideners Club will meet today at 4:00 at the Orifice to discuss plans for their trip to Burford.
\The
Engineering
‘B’
Lutheran Student Movement welcomes all dignified students (look, none of this lakedipping; ties are mandatory) at
The
177 Albert, 6:30 p.m., for Christian Fun and Relaxation. Reruns of the World of Disney are planned.
- Monday, April 4 Debating Club will meet tonight at St. Jerome’s at either 7:30 or 8:30. Time will be announced at a later date. Members are discussing the pros and cons of both times.
The
will be no peace society meeting tonight. They are fighting with the members of the Debating Club over meeting times at St. Jerome%.
There
University of Waterloo Flamethrower’s Club meets today. On the agenda: The Debating Club and the Peace Society.
The
- Wed., April 6th Writers Collective meets today at an on campus location. Bring your own decoy.
Creative
Shoot Club will seek out the on campus location of the Creative Writing meeting. Rumour has it that there’s a duck amongst them.
The UW Duck
- April 23rd and Jim are really going through with it at 11:00 a.m. in the Theatre of the Arts. If you know about this already you’re invited!
Linda
NEXT TERM’S ursday, March 31s
WATPUBS
es out with a Ro
TORONTO May 11th
May 4th The Jolly Miller
The Brunswick
House
-
OTTAWA May 5th
A CORONET SPECIAL CONCERT! SATURDAY, APRIL 2nd, WE PRESENT: 1
MONTREA’L
THE TEN-ANTS An Extra In This Ad With
Bring
Special From The Coronet: Your UW I..D. & Get In For
Only
May 12th Stoney Mondays
Molly McGuires
$l.OO!.
May 4th
May 11th
The Annex on Bishop Street (above St. Catherines)
Grand Boc Brasserie (across from Place Ville Marie)
CALGARY May 4th
May 11th
Westgate Hotel on Bow Trail
Highlander Hotel ‘The Fling Room’ (16 Avenue N.W.)
Additional information will be available the first Pubs or from MATHSOC. Friday
& Saturday,
April
8 & 9, We Present
Glider!
SPECIAL CONCERT, SATURDAY, APRIL 16 STRANGE DAZF--with the music of the DOORS Happy Hour: 4:30 to 5:30 and 8:30 to 9:30 Daily! 871 Victoria
St. N., Kitchener
Open Good Friday!
at
The Calgary Publine Telephone Number is 284-1743 Other Publine Numbers Will E3e Available Later!
Sponsored
by
* MATHSOC, ENGSOC AND THE FEDERATION OF STUDENTS
THURSDAY,
MARCH
31,1983
FIVE
BORNAGENGINEWS
19th Used Book Sale Imprint, the newspaper which has been so self-rightous policies against racism and sexism has blatantly violated in order to raise circulation.
Friday, April 8, Noon - 9 P.M. with Auction from 6 - 6:30 P.M. Saturday, April 9th, 9 A.M. - 2 P.M. with children’s sale at 9 A.M.
about its its own tenets
First United Churkh, Waterloo Sponsored by:
In a shocking and offensive move, in their most recent issue, they ran staff ads which exposed so much skin, portraying a woman in such lascivious and wanton poses, that they can only be considered pornographic. ,
K-W Canadian Of University
Federation Women
Proceedsfor Scholarships and Community Service
University students are the target of so many preying evil influences; stereo advertisements; the lure of strange foreign foods; th.e constant threat that an unsuspecting student will fall under the evil influence of brewed barley or distilled grapes. It is too much that the student newspaper have leanings in those directions! That the student paper at-the University of Waterloo has to stoop so low as to excite prurient sexual interest in its readers to keep up interest does not speak well of the type of person on Imprint staff. BORNAGENGINEWS calls upon every upright student to weed out this pesthole of corruption and decadence, to bar Imprinters from the CC Pub and in general force them to clean up their act! The lowest moral standards are countenanced on Imprint (witness the pieces of evidence here produced) and it is time that this sort of thing stopped. What’s going on here? Do we have to clean up Waterloo newspapers every five years? First Godless Communism, now this . . . Ima Nutcase
RESUL TS Voting Tally To Increase Fees In Support Of Work Required For The C & D.
VOTES VOTES VOTES VOTES -
CASTI 355 FOR FEE INCREASE: 316 AGAINST FEE INCREASE: 39 SPOILED: 0 Philip Beaie Chief Returning
Officer
THURSDAY,
SIX
Congratulations
MARCH
31,1983
to
Joanne E. Spence Carter on completion of her B.A.
Cracks Up
Best of luck and all my love for the future.
Love Christopher P.
Marbles
Madness
Kwis Carter, high profile Engineer and all-round nice guy has cracked. The kid’s playing with half adeck. Crackers. Screws loose. Round the bend. Over the edge. Not to mention, finally accepted by his peers at EngSoc. This . . . all because of a terrible accident. Carter and several of his fellow Engineers organized a Bus Push for Big Sisters that took place Saturday, March 19th. It seems however that Carter went out on the town the night before and got himself all pissed up. Still drunk and veri confused the next morning, Carter, instead of going to the University to pull the Big Sister’s bus, went to the Grey Coach terminal in downtown Kitchener. He spied a good-looking bus and clamped down hard on the exhaust pipe. He tried to pull the bus but it started up and took off for Montreal with Carter holding on tight. As the bus reached speeds of 60 to 70 miles per hour, the damage to Carter was extensive. Third degree burns on his hands. Cracked skull because of the constant bouncing off potholes. But worst of all, the exhaust fumes totally destroyed Carter’s mind. Nevertheless Carter held on all the way to Montreal. One witness on the 401, just the other side of Scarborough stated, “It was terrible. There we were driving down the highway when we spotted him. What a pitiful sight. That drunken young boy being dragged down the 401 by a bus. It was overwhelming. First my wife screamed. Then my kids threw up. Then ‘the dog rolled over and died. My family has been in shock ever since.” Once in Montreal, the most damaging accident occured. The bus roared into the terminal at 55 mph, but when it suddenly hit the brakes, Carter was hurled through the air and impaled himself on a fence surrounding a church. Carter has never been the same. He believes that he is a Baptist missionary from the 16th century. He calls himself Brother Wendel. He now gives everything he gets his hands on to the church. As he explains it, “After spending years in my previous life with the natives, sleeping on a dirt floor, residing in a mud hut, wearing a bone through my nose and preaching the word of God, I knew that in this life I had two options. One, sign up for CUSO or two, devote myself to thechurch so that others will not have to go through the hell that I did.”
Contest
When You Vl’sit Marbles Between March 3 7st and April 75th Guess The Number of Marbles In The 6-Foot Madness Tube. Prizes For Correct Guesses Are. 1st - $30.00 Gift Certificate 2nd - $15.00 Gift Certificate Good Luck!
Visit Often!
Contest
Ends April
15th,
1983
At The Corner of King and Willaim St. Beside Donut Castle. Call 8854390
WEDNESDAY SPECIAL
EAT-IN, TAKE-OUT ONLY
TRAVEL
fares
Kwis Carter
Bornagenginewsphoto Mahatma Lussier
That’s exactly what Carter (Brother Wendel) has done. He prays every hour of the day. He works part-time putting Bibles in road side motels. He doesn’t drink. He doesn’t smoke. He never parties. Everything he does is for the church. He also wears nothing but Virgin wool sweaters. Carter is pictured above disguised as a drunken derelict in order to collect another welfare cheque and give it to the church. If you run across this man, take pity on him. His friends have abandoned him. His marks have risen above 65 per cent making him the brunt ofjokes in his class. He still believes that he is Brother Wendel from the 16th century. All is not bad though in the eyes of others. One time close friend Mark Giddy said that “It’s great having Kwis like this. If you’re short of cash, all you have to do is run up to Kwis, tell him you’re the Pope, rhyme off a few Hail Mary’s and the sucker gives you the shirt off his back. Poor pitiful sonovabitch.” The last we heard of Carter, he was planning to form an obscure religious club on campus, then run for the Presidency of the Federation of Students. Help him.. . if you can. I :,
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Add these fares to a TRAVEL CUTS London flight for an unbeatable combination! l All prices quoted in Canadian dollars for one-way flights 0 Double price for return journey except for *Tel Aviv flights where the return price is $420 l Contact your nearest TRAVEL CUTS office for booking conditions l Price subject to change due to currencv fluctuations
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TORONTO
Out-going Federation President in pain. It was learner yesterday by the staff of BORNAGENGINE WS that out, going Fed President, Wim Sominex was suffering-from c painful and disgustingly disfiguring growth on the back q his head. When asked to talk about the disgustin) configuration, Sominex simply stated that “It started as I
\
SEVEN
THURSDAY,
MARCH
31,1983 LET US PREPARE
June 20 LSAT
‘Masturbation is Murder Every creature is created w&h a- specific destiny. A creature created by God starts out on a journey. Not simply a journey, but a journey fraught with purpose: for which this creature was solely created. As if by heavenly guidance, this tiny missile of life islaunched, swimming towards its destiny with the perfect consistency of a sea monkey drawn to a candle flame. Instinct perhaps, but instinct Divinely informed. To betray that sense of purpose in a deliberate act of self-pollution is to betray Creation itself! . Putrifying within the suffocating folds of bathroom tissues, the spark of human potential is continually extinguished in the sewers of the free w.orld by untold billions every day! Could the entire Heavenly Host dance upon the head of a pin, it would be no greater miracle than the multitude of potential Jerry Falwells, Miltons; Michaelangelos, Ronald Reagans and Norman Rockwells that might be contained within a thimble or upon the palm of one hand. In the case of the human soul, not everjl soul is created with the destiny of eternal salvation.‘Yet every soul is created with that purpose in the mind of God. So it is with the lowly sperm. A healthy Christian competition takes place in every batch of sperm: each individual a contestant in a race to create an immortal being with an immortal soul. And are we not subverted into a kind of Godless Communism, whenever an act of self pollution is committed? We impose a kind of Godless nihilism upon millions of hapless sperm whenever our idle hands are permitted to wander into’the dark forests of the pubic regions.
The recession has hit hard in the Engineering ranks. Even a high profile and well liked guy like Dive Williams, Director of Engineering Publications didn’t find a job. But being the resourceful man that he is, Williams started his own business; he’s a Tuba instructor. Williams is pictured above with his first customer, former Enginews editor, Ricky Drudl. After Williams told him that all he had to do was put his mouth around it and blow, Drudl remarked, “Shee-it! I’ve been doing that for years!” Bornagenginews Photo by Sister Marnie \
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While we, as a society, tend to ‘tolerate acts of masturbation, because they are committed by a majority of males and in private places, yet the fact is that masturbation, like blasphemy, is no less despised by God, for all the frequency of its commission. Biblical scholars in the know agree that Saul of Tarsus (later to become St. Paul) was certainly masturbating just prior to his being stricken with blindness on the road to Damascus. The road to Damascus is known to have followed a particularly boring route. It isn’t even necessary to refer to biblical sources to find moral justification for condemning self-pollution. While the aetheistic youth behind the Iron Curtain are busily engaged in furthering the machination of satan and his armies, the youth of the Free World, who might soon be called upon to join the forces of Christian Democracy for the final showdown in the field of Armageddon, are busy wasting precious initiative in energy-sapping acts of masturbation. Masturbation directly leads to even greater sins of commission. Unholy thbughts, which arean inseparable component of the act itself, are often rehearsals for actual sins of commission, made easier by repetitions in the imagination of the auto-eroticist. Even more frightening is the undeniable link between the act of self-pollution and that most Satanic of siris: the homosexual act. Remember; As suicide is to murder, so is masturbation to homosexuality. The issue of masturbation has been carried into the classrooms of our nation. Not only is masturbation taught to be a normal thing to do in what passes for cl?sses in Sex Education (really nothing more than courses in advanced promiscuity, sanctioned by an increasingly Socialist state - a Communist plot to subvert the morals of our youth), but our young people are also corrupted by the teachings of Godless evolutionists. It is obvious that many, if not all evolutionists are frequent masturbators, as are chimpanzees. The astute Christian will make the obvious connection - to the frequent auto-eroticist, the distance between himself and the snorting chimpanzee may not seem great, but we know better, don’t we? Give any Godfearing man the choice between Bible and banana and he’ll choose the Bible every time. Dr. Nagil Limwerd Dr. P. Weisenhumour President for Life V.P. for Life S.P.O.R.E. (Society for the Preservation of Religious Energies)
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BORNAGENGINEERS A MUSICAL RARITY by Mother May I, STUV I didn’t need to be born again. There was too much reverberation on the already mannered vocal delivery but nobbdy seemed to mind at the Conrad Grebel Chapel last Sunday afternoon. The Rex Humbard Sunday Singers sing very well but, when you are waiting for the Bornagengineers, anything less thangreat becomes more of an annoying nuisance than a listening pleasure: those vocals have got to go. Then there is silence. Three thousand engineers crowd into the Chapel. Thelead singers (one thousand in all) smile and mumble some sort of introduction, but they go unnoticed because they are flanked by three nurses who have somehow managed to get past the guards at the door. A compact man in loose khaki walks up holding a machine gun disguised as a guitar, eyes narrowed in contempt at the nurses. His accomplice, a little woman in ruby slippers and a black suit holds the larger weapon. She hits the stringsand the nurses scatter. The air is alive. It’s dominated by a mean, low-driving bass section that hits you in the chest and tightens your throat. The music is purity unleashed: spare, serious, and intent. The chapel ‘is dominated by the presence of three thousand engineers. They seem just barely, totally, in control of their music. Their movements are minimal, held in check by the set of their jaws.
IP 1
The women in the group moveeven less, just rocking their knees to the hard rhythm. The two sexes complement each other, both visually and musically. At times our earsand eyes have tocheck twice as the two, while standing ten feet apart and singing separate songs, become one entity in music. And what music it is. Usually when one hears a group for the first time, one tends to try and categorize them under ageneral typological heading. The Bornagengineers refuse to be pigeon-holed. The best one can do is make a composite comparison. The performance, although certainly deserving applause, seemed to transcend the prayers and murmurings of the congregation. It warranted thought and appreciation more thananythingelse. The Bornagengineers are not Pop musicans they are musicans who are serious about what they say and what they play. Such a band is a rarity in today’s quick money music world. One can only hope that they never become what they never intended to be by losing their conviction in the wash of success that will inevitably engulf them. I intend to become more familiar with this group and I wish I’d been introduced to them long ago. It is the introductory bookings of such groups which gives the students on the UW campus the necessary inspiration to carry an steadfastly in their born again lives.
.
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NINE
BORNAGENGINEWS
THURSDAY,
MARCH
31,1983
Dramit -Dept. Production Arouses Engineers 3 Times by Ewellen Ramsey Bornagenginews staff To kick off Engineering Week, the Drama Department presented Harry Had a Little Lamb to a cheering crowd in the Humanities Theatre (renamed The Sheep Pen for this auspicious occasion.) The Drama Department received its much sought after standing ovation when the principlecharacters made their entrances. While it was difficult to tell if Harry (played by Ima Ham, Jr.) or Vanessa (the sheep) prompted this exuberant expression of emotion, the cast and director didn’t really seem to care. This was one show the reviewers couldn’t pan. Who else in the entire world would receive a sincere standing ovation before they started to act except the Drama Department? The tone of the play, directed by Dowitt Myway, was certainly enhanced by the Engineer’s show of support. Harry burst into a touching and poignant soliloquy based on what we all recognize as a perfect and timeless phrase.
BLACK
ON-BLACK:
by Terri Osmond * Bornagenginews staff Presently featured at the UW Christian Arts Centre Gallery is BLACK ON BLACK, a unique and enchanting display of sculptured paintings created by London artist Margaret Harris. Although this work has recently been criticized by the Kitchener-Waterloo &Track or Cassette as being downright boring and banal, such criticisms overlook the subtle but ever-present influence of Christ in her work. BLACK ON BLACK is an abstract exhibit which uses minimal colour and raw materials to create a realistic atmosphere of loneliness and desolation similar to what one experiences before accepting Christ as Lord. Apart from a limited use of blue and beige, the entire exhibit is done in black with various materials. The main focus of Harris’ work is God and nature. BLACK ON BLACK includes approximately fifteen, three-dimensional sculptured paintings which represent the cycle of lifeand thecontinuous interplay between God, Christ, nature and man. Smooth rolling designs depict snowfalls, manna on the desert or the sadness of those close to Jesus before he was crucified until they knew they were ultimately victorious in His death and resurrection. More jagged, rigid lines depict the power of God and the destruction that will occur as depicted in Revelation. Unlike more conventional paintings, Harris appeals to our emotions through the combined use of light, texture, and shadow in her designs. Subtly cast overhead lights create effects that can only be described as coming from God. Rather than merely viewing this exhibit, Harris has created a unique environment for us to worship the Lord in, quite far from being boring or banal. Accompanying most of the paintings on display are Scripture verses drawn from both the Old and New art and the Scripture verses Testaments. Harris’ complement each other beautifully; the flowing language
MathSoc
Presents
END 0;
TERM
BASH at the
Waterloo
Tonight
Heady from the smell of sheep dip, or maybe the smell of the Engineers’ colognes, this reviewer can only recall the most memorable lines, ‘\, Roses are red Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet And so is my ewe. For the second time in the evening, the Engineers delivered a second standing ovation. Harry opened his mouth to continue but was drowned out by the cheers of the Engineers. So moving, however, were the simple cries of Vanessa, that you could have heard ashes drop from the cigarettes burning in the upper gallery. .“Who ever said that Engineers don’t know art when they see it?’ was the Drama Department’s only comment. Harry Had a Little Lamb was not lacking in plot, as most plays are. In fact, it reminded this reviewer of an age old truth, that Harry had a little lamb, its fleece was white as snow, and everywhere that Harry went, the lamb was
Inn
at 8 PM
UNIQUE,
sure to go. And go she did! This little lady has to be commended for her excellent timing and poise on The Drama Department would do well to recruit more like her. . When, in the final act, Harry refused to make out with Vanessa because a) he felt she was too young, b) he didn’t approve of premarital sex and c) she was a virgin, the Engineers again rose for a final and most rousingstanding ovation. Some were heard to cry out above the croud, “Praise the Lord!” and all commended Harry for his taste, poise and fortitude.
stage.
This show will go down in Drama Department history as a triple-ovation winner. Brilliant acting, flawless timing, and fabulous delivery aside, this reviewer can only comment that it is this kind of show that makes a reviewer’s job worthwhile. After all, who ever did say that Engineers don’t know art when they see it?
ENCHANTING through the gallery, this-show will not be for everybody especially not the heathens who are in the habit of asking, “What is it?” at art exhibits, and “But doesn’t this verse mean something else?’ in Jerry Falwell’s Bible studies. The exhibit is abstract, yet revolves around a distinct them Lord of all. I enjoyed the uniqueness of this form of art and appreciated the Scripture verses Harris chose. I was thankful to God for not havingtolookoutforthepresence and temptation of Satan in Harris’ work. Featured from April 14th through June 5th is THE IMPENDING SECOND COMING OF CHRIST, Oils and Acrylics by James Norton. The Gallery never closes, as God is on call twenty-four hours a day, and works glorifying Him should also have the same availability. It is free, but contributions will be gladly accepted. God bless you all.
“Bqfore
Revelation”bJ3
Margaret
Harris
of the King James Version coincides effectively with the rolling yet calm pattern Harris has created. According to Harris, “It is up to the individual to decide whether or not he chooses to read the Scriptures. They are there as part of the overall presentation, but are not the most crucial factor.” We at BORNAGENGINEWS disagree with Harris on this point. The Scriptures are the Word of God as He had them written, and are the basis for life as a Christian. It is the Bible that gives us our guidance and instruction for life in this secular world. We feel that the art merely exemplifies parts of the Scripture. When asked how she would classify herself in a more traditional Christian sense, Harris replied, “Some like to call me a Mormon, but I like to call myself a down-to-earth born-again Christian.” Judging from the expressions I saw meandering
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THURSDAY,
BOB-N-AGENGINEWS
TWELVE
MARCH
31,198:
.
Quiche of the .Week study has proven conclusively that A recent unolfrcial “despite the stigma associated with quiche, we have it on good faith that 92 percent of all engineering students here at the University eat quiche at least twice a week.” This means that there must be a great demand for new quiche recipes to accommodate these students. We sincerely hope that this weekly feature will help engineers through their quiche-crisis. Mix eggs, milk, onions, salt,and cayenne pepper. Drain tuna, pat dry. Spread tuna and cheesein the pie shell. Pour egg mixture over cheese and tuna in the pie shell. Bake in oven at 425 F for 15 minutes. Reduce oven temperature to 300 Fand bake for 30 more minutes or untildone. Let cool and serve with KRAFT MARSHMALLOWS and ice cold beer! It’s a real tasty treat after SYSTEMS DESIGN 1 or while writing a paper about sanitary engineering. BON APPETIT!
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Eager Ernie’s Engineer Enquiries Skill-Testing Questions for the Engineer It’s time once again for that Engineering favourite Ernie’s Enquiries. First ofall, let me say congratulations t Mr. D. Williams, the winner of last week’senquiry contest Mr. Williams set a term record of three correct answer and wins the traditional half-deck of cards for his effort! Here are the answers to last week’s Enquiries: 1. Yes 2. No 3. Molson’s 4. Fish 5. An I.Q. of 23 6. The Cat in the Hat, warts, and Bruzkowski 7. Sheep 8. Singapore Slings 9. 1812 10. Pocket Pool And now this week’s Engineering Enquiries; this week’ theme is ‘Campus Life’: 1. What building on Campus is named after Bui Matthews? 2. What colour is a basketball? 3. Is the Ridgid Tool a left-handed or right-handel monkey wrench? 4. What goes by the knick-name ‘Dead Soldier’? 5. What is the name of the road that rings the Campus 6. What do they sell at the Engsoc C&D stand? 7. What size dress does Richard Drudl wear? 8. What is the name of the band that plays at Warrior: L games? 9. What sport uses the terms ‘Chip shot’, ‘Birdie putt ‘Pitching wedge’, and ‘It’s your turn to buy’? 10. In what city do you find the University of Waterloo Submit your answers to these skill-testing questions t the BORNAGENGINEWS Office before Tuesday noo and you may win the traditional half-deck of cards! Go01 luck!
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I
THURSDAY,
MARCH
BORNAGENGINEWS
31,1983
nembers of each team baking blueberry muffins. A dozen had to be produced by each member of each team. The Warrior’s were represented by coach Don McVae, trainer Drew Laskoski, co-captains Phil Jarrett and Paul Van Oorschot, Peter Savich, Steve Atkin, and Randy Norris. The Ewes’ contingent consisted of Will Daviams, Mark Giddy, Drooling Richard, and three unidentified engineers. Randy Norris and Steve Atkin were out of the bake-off early, having thrown out their backs bending down to reach the mixing bowl. Richard was disqualified for drolling, and the three other engineers came early and weren’t up for the rest of the competition. Daviams and Giddy proved that engineers can be more than the disgusting, drunken, filthy, creatures that everyone thinks they are, by producing blueberry muffins that were second to none - except of course those of Don McVae. McVae was the only Warrior to succeed with his muffins. Van Oorschot had problems with foul trouble early, and couldn’t keep the chicken away from her eggs long enough to break them into the bowl. Giddy offered to choke the chicken, but Van Oorschot declined. Savich tried to stuff his muffins in the pan at the last possibd, but the timer went off a split second before thebatter had left his hands. Laskoski. too. had nroblems. He couldn’t fit his sword into the mixing bowl and ended up splitting the side of the bowl. Jarrett disqualified himself from the competition in order to go to work on time, and that lef the entire Warrior hopes with their coach. McVae proved to be as adept at baking blueberry muffins as he is at throwing his suit coat, and easily took the thirteenth annual event. Don McVae won the event, but in the end it was the Big Mothers that were the winners. Six d.ollars and seventeen cents
Wwriors basketball
Big Mothers win Last Thursday, the Waterloo Warriors basketball team and the Engsoc Ewes, of engineering students, met in a benefit blueberry muffin bake-off to raise money for Big Mothers. Big Mothers is an organization dedicated to assisting students who~have overweight mothers and have to send care packages home on a regular basis to support their mammoth maternal ancestors. Thousands of dollars a year are required. to keep this charitable organization in the black, and the Engineering Society has always been more than happy to participate in the various fund raising events scheduled throughout the school year.
Famous for their Big Mothers bust push, the EngSoc gladiators are often ’ ignored in their other pursuits. The annual blueberry bake-off is just one of those oft forgotten fund raisers. With a goal of $4,000, the Warriors and the Ewes had their work cut out for them. This was not going to be as easy as the sheep races the Ewes had challenged the Hockey Warriors to. Nor would it be as easy as the Football Warriors versus the Ewes in the lamb mud wrestling. People will pay to watch those activities - a bake-off, though, was an untested idea. The rules of the bake-off Each team would consist
were simple. of selected
Song Contest Results Yes folks, it’sthe time you’ve all been waiting for . . . we have the results of the BORNAGENGINEWS song writing contest. As you remember, weasked every student at U W to submit a song to be used as the “Official Song” of UW Engineers. We asked that the song firstly describe Engineers, and secondly try to incorporate a few of the things that Engineers are famous for. Well, the response was overwhelming to say the least. The largest response came from the Engineering faculty itself, but the eventual winning entry was submitted by a Math student; Dward ‘Decimals’ Ipswitch. Dward explained in a BORNAG’ENGINEWS interview that he had ‘spent about three
I
weeks trying to get the lyrics. The tune “came easy, but I really wanted to write something that Engineers could be proud of. I believe I’ve done that.” Here is that winning entry. It should be sung to the tune of “Dennis Moore”, also known as the Robin Hood commercial. Engineers, Engineers, Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb Engineers, Engineers, Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb Oh dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb And dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb Engineers Sheep and Beer Engineers.
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were raised last Thursday and somewhere in Canada a University of Waterloo student’s mother is going to be a happy lady when she receives a package of chocolate bars, candies and potato chips from her loving son. And she will have the Big Mothers of the Engineering Society to thank for it. Way to go guys.
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Bornagenginews photo by Matta Hari
This is the photo that turned a million heads and broke a million hearts. It also shows why Kelly Bornagengiiews photo by Terry Neuber was picked as Miss Bornagenginews 1982-1983.
Every Thursday night, Father Don and Monseigneur Mur get together for a little ecclesiastical Bornagenginews photo by Mahatma Mark bask&ball and i few Grand Marniers.
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Donald
Simon has a problem. Simon has togo to the bathroom. Simon is confused. Simon doesn’t know where the bathroom is. Simon has been standing like this for 35 minutes. Simon definitely has a problem. Not only does Simon have to go the bathroom, but Simon has to go to the bathroom for a number two. Number two’s can’t be postponed for long. Simon is in pain. Simon has a problem.
Donald is attempting to gain admittance into thl Guiness World Book of Records by being the firs person to successfully drop a jelly bean from his ear into ai ashtray 100 times in a row. By press time, he hat successfully performed this feat once in a row -but on11 after a lucky bounce and a favorable wind current in thr BORNAGENGINEWS newsroom. Under the rules of this competition, Donald is no allwed to use his hands and has therefore requested tha 1they be tied to a duck beneath his chair. Unable to find : duck, the BORNAGENGINEWS sports editor aided hin in his quest by tying his hands securely to a family sizl bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. Also in the rules is the stipulation that contestants cal only use one mechanical device to helpachieve the quest o jelly bean dropping. Donald haschosena typewriter. In al intricate operation with pulleys and fishline ( 14 pound tes nylon), he has attached the fishline to the big toe on hi right foot with the other end going through seven pulley to the margin release mechanism on the typewriter. As th jelly bean falls from his ear, he wriggles his big toe with thl hope of triggering the release of the carriage at precisel: the right moment to deflect the jelly bean into the ashtray Unfortunately, he has yet towork out all the bugs as th only thing he has accomplished with the typewrite carriage release is to rip out handfuls of his hair everytim he wriggles his toe. Another area of concern for Donald i the potentially insurmountable problem of going to th bathroom while one’s hands are tied to a family size bucke of Kentucky Fried Chicken. This may not actually b aproblem for Donald, since he brings to this daring deec all the wit and cunning engineers are known for. Not tha we don’t trust him, ofcourse, but we havecovered thefloo under his chair (and the bucket ofchicken) with thick wad of Imprint. Donald is a third-year sandbox-maintenance engin eering student, and is not unknown in the circles of thos attempting to gain mortality through the listing of one’ name in the Guiness World Book of Records. Inhis fir: year, Donald attempted to become the first person tocatc a duck in the duck pond with his handsand feet tied togetler. Luckily for Donald,and thefutureofsandboxmainter ‘ante people everywhere, he was pulled out in time and dil not drown. With the exception of the fact that his heal became waterlogged, there were no serious injuries except for the poor duck he fell on. Donald has also gained much public recognition (or s he says ) as a member of the BORNAGENGINEW sports team. Donald is known for his coverage of socce and basketball but is thoroughly confused by football. I soccer, the playersare only allowed to use theirfeet,and i basketball, only their hands. Sports that involve the use c more than one type of limb at a time is too much for hi brain to handle and, when forced to cover such a spor does nothing but sit in the press box and sing Doris Da tunes - offkey.
Simon is not an engineer. Engineers always know where the bathroom is. That is one of* the first rules of engineering. Know where the bathroom is. You never know when you might need one. Like Simon. Save yourself pain - know where the bathroom is. Simon is not an engineer. Simon is a psychology student. Simon knows why he has to go to the bathroom. He doesn’t know where. He knows where he fits in in the development of the psyche, but he doesn’t know where the bathroom is. He understands that people are motivated to go to the bathroom by chemical reactions in the hypothalamus. Simon is interested in chemicals - he has some he would like to get rid of. He doesn’t know where, though.
...
Simon thinks his problem stems from the timehe locked himself in the bathroom for three days when he was five years old. Who cares? Simon has a problem.
FREE Admission to Ruby3 Saturday Nite From 6 to 8! Atter 8:00 p.m. its only $7.
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Are You A Scrawny
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Pocket Pool Schedule
t
Effective April 4th, the pocket pool facilities schedule will be changed for the summer. The new times are: Monday to Friday: 8: 15 to 9: 15 a.m.; 11:30 to 1:30 p.m.; 4:30 to 5:30 p.m.; 9:00 to 10:00 p.m.; 2:00 to 4:00 p.m. and Saturday and Sunday, 2:00 to 4:00 p.m. The facilities staff will try to keep the equipment as clean as possible during exams for your use between exams. Free
Slug
Time
- 1 room’in large, 5 bedroom house - luxuriously furnished throughout 1 big balcony - hug: backyard stand-up freezer, frldge, stove, oven, 1
WINTER
733
Squash Tournament Last week EngSoc held their third annual squash tournament. Mel Daniels was the big winner with a 14 pound squash, followed by Charlie Lancaster at 12.5 pounds, and Frank Smith at 11.8 pounds. In the women’s competition, Barb Gourd was judged to have the biggest squashes. In the mixed doubles section, Fred Ladouche and Tina Wormburner scored with an 11 pounder between them, and in the mixed singles, Rene Richards won by default.
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Call now & get an additional gift .. . A Handy-Dandy Apple Dicer! It Dices & Slices! Call Now!
Men’s Floor Hockey The standings as of the week ending March 25th are: B League , A League 1) East A Sheepshearers 1) Saints 2) A Stream Sheepdippers 2) Cavaliers 3) Limp Wristers 3) Bishops 4) Puking Plummers 4) Monsigneurs 5) scouts 5) Curved Sticks 6) Upright Organs 6) Charitable Donations 7) Skin Flutes 7) Hat Tippers 8) Angels 8) Pocket Poolers 9) Virgin Woolers 9) Nice Guys Playoffs are scheduled to begin on Saturday, and a one dollar admission charge at the door will cover the entertaining floor hockey displayed. All are welcome.
A Message From President-Elect, Tomb Allison:
Featuring:
1O-Speed Touring Bikes Repairs to AN Makes - Accessories Dart Accessories - Unicorn & Kwiz (Good Selection On Hand)
The Federation A Historic
Boy, are you engineers gullible! You ‘II believe almost anything! I really fooled you this time! During my election campaign for the Presidency of the Feds, I was asked at an Engineering Forum a question about Imprint and their. stance with Enginews. I said I supported engineers! What a joke! I must have fooled you because you voted for me! The truth is that I love Imprint and everyone associated with it! And just to show the peoplt! at Imprint that there’s .no hard feelings, I’ve instructed the folks at the CC Pub to give free booze to anyone wearing an Imprint
The story of a man who over-stayed his welcome by 23 months, trying to prove he could do more than announce basketball games and do rhino imitations.
As a double feature, the film ‘Social Disease Made Easy’ will be presented.
A scene from Sominex’s epic film. This is the scene Allison”
Waterloo
Jay 888-6777 .
Campus Wreck
IT’S A CRIME
To Let This Go So Cheap! $130 /month Summer Term
!
Over 70 hours of free time has been reserved for all those wishing their slugs some practice before the upcoming EngSoc Slug Races late in April. Any individuals or groups wishing free slug time can have it simply by coming to the Campus Wreck office in the basement of the PAC, and sign up for an hour of free slug time.
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Presents Film:
SIXTEEN
BORNAGENGINEWS
Services
Housing Available
The ‘student needing help in French please call Nola,- tel. 884-956 1.
Robinwood townhouse: available for summer ‘83. 3 bedroom, partially furnished. Close to campus, Parkdale. Swimming pool. Rent negotiable. Call Andy or Bob, 885-0903.
Large, white, tap-dancing rabbit delivers flowers, cakes, telegrams, Easter baskets from $10.00. Call soon - 7437139. Have postal box to share. Write to Jeff, 5468 Dundas St. W., Box 1100, Toronto, Ont. M9B 6E3 Accommodation in the Bahamas is not as expensive as you think. Call Sam, 8866845.
Wanted CS 448 Text and Introduction to Database Systems, 3rd Edition. Needed urgently. Will pay top dollar! Phone 576-9203 anytime. Play Ball this summer with Waterloo Ladies Softball team (looking for players 21 and under). Call Jan Stroh at 578-865 1.
Roomers Wanted, summer or yearly. 3-4 rooms $160 each. 2 adjoining rooms $125.00 each. Share kitchen, sitting area, 2 baths and laundry. Private Utilities paid. 70 entrance. Cardhill Cres., Waterloo. 8861618 (15 minutes toeither U.). Large 3 bedroom townhouse, fully furnished, seconds from campus, shopping, swimming pool. $45O/month, 884-2428. Toronto Summer Sublet. Large co-op house has room for one person for either May and June or May through August. Join four people and a cat. Quiet street but near subway, downtown, U. of T. $208/month plus utilities. Write Eric Promislow, 72 Walker Ave., Toronto or call (4 16) 923-0722.
Downsview apartment or room for summer term. Reasonable rent. Call Julie at 743-4485 until April 15th.
6 minutes from campus!! House to sublet from May to August. 3 bedrooms, partly furnished. Rent negotiable. Phone 884-2459.
CKMS-FM is looking for volunteers for the summer. We need news readers, reporters, and producers. No experience necessary. For more information call Nancy Smith at 886-2567.
Co-op students - available for sublet in London, Ont. two bedroom apt. May - August. Near shopping, university, bus routes. Tennis courts, swimming pool, sauna etc. (1) 439-2608 after 6 p.m.
Ride Wanted
Lease available for May. 3 bedroom townhouse in Albert Gardens (Albert near Weber). Phone 886-0106 before 11 p.m.
Ride Wanted: To/ From Toronto near 427 & Derry Rd. Daily throughout summer workterm. Will share gas and / or driving. 886-2625.
Philip Street - 5 bedroom townhouse to sublet - May to Aug ($130 each). 5 minutes from both Universities. Two minutes from Chances-R, Mat’s Milk and Restaurant. Washer/ dryer, 1.5 bathrooms, spacious living room
E.T. going home to Ottawa sometime between April 10 and April 12. Would awesomely appreciate ride. 1‘hone E.T. 884-7395.
THURSDAY,
and dining room, patio, excellent condition. Call Mary, 884-7448; Janet 8861527.
apartment for this summer of ‘83 term and every alternating term following. Give us a call! Bob or Dave, 579-3945.
Two bedrooms in townhouse. Albert Gardens. Furnished townhouse. $150/ month each. May - Aug. Michele: 884-26 12.
Apartment available May lSept. 83. Furnished. 1 bedroom. 5 minutes walk to UW. Large enough for two Utilities supplied. people. Phone 886-8337.
Close to campus. Philip & Columbia. 3 bedroom townhouse May to Aug. Partially furnished with fully equipped kitchen and pool. $358/month, 884-2488. Room in student house available for summer possession anytime after April 1st. $125/month. King and Union, Wloo. Call 745-08 13 anytime. Sunnydale Townhouse to sublet for summer ‘83 term. $392/month. 4 bedrooms, fridge, stove, dryer. Large livingroom. Call 884-9477, or 884-6 165. Toronto - 1 double room available in 3 bedroom condominium. Don Mills and Eglington. Approximately 40 minutes to downtown. Call 884-0845, ask for James. Just what you’re looking for! Two bedroom townhouse to sublet May 1 to August 31. Twenty min. walk from U of W or W LU. Randall or Kevin at 886-4592. Co-op students moving to London. 2 bedroom apt. available to sublet May 1st to Aug. 31, $280/month. If interested, call Paul (5 19) 4553291. 4 bedroom semi-detached, partially furnished house. Sublet May-August; lease available in January. 10 minute bike ride to U W. Close to grocery, laundry, beer & liquor store. Parking, private backyard. 885-395 1. Are you in Co-op and looking for a place to stay every term you’ll be back on campus? Well we’ve got a 2-bedroom
4th month free! House to share, May - Aug. $110 per person per month. Furnished. On bus route No. 8.30 minute walk to campus, ten to downtown, two to shopping centre. Parking. Clean, Cable 4 Devitt South, T.V., Waterloo. 578-9225. 1 bedroom apartment to sublet. May Aug. ‘83. Option to return in alternate terms. 20 minute walk to campus. Erb & Amos Area. Laundry facilities. Partly furnished. $245/ month, 8856773. Apartment for rent, Waterloo Towers. May to August, $300 month. 3 minute walk to school. Call 886-9395. Semi-furnished, air-conditioned house available for three responsible students from May Aug. 1983. Please contact Doug at 8849208 (10 minute bike ride). Summer co-op housing May 7 - Sept. 1, 1983. 45 Madison Ave., Toronto, M5R 2S2(416) 92 l- 1358. Double $200.00, single $2 10.00 Summer Housing: Toronto, $230/ month. Three people needed to sublet 4 bedroom house. King and Bathurst. Three bathrooms, washer/ dryer, dishwasher. Contact Marty l-4 16-436-7 19 1. Summer housing: Hamilton, $130/ month. 1 person to sublet a basement room in a large house. Color T.V. Close to shopping, Mat. Contact Bernie, l-4 16-525-7770. Sunnydale, furnished.
May - Aug. Fully Close to campus.
Room for four. $100 per person/month, utilities paid. Call 886-6674, Brian. Married Students apartments! To sublet for summer term: 2 bedroom apt., $400/month. First and last month’s rent in advance. Call Jessica, 884-9504. Single rooms - summer term in clean, quiet, private home. Male & female, seperate residences. Private entrance and bath. Fully furnished. Toaster, teakettle & frig., but no cooking. Locks on all doors. $25 - $30 weekly. 5 minute walk to either University. Some rooms available for fall. Mrs. Dorscht - 884-3629. Furnished 4 rooms from May 1 onward. Near downtown Waterloo, shared kitchen and bath. Parking, male, female, co-ed. Call l-337-65 16 for information. 3 minute walk to U. of W. Phillip St. Townhouse, 4 bedrooms, developed basement, completely furnished. 4 appliances, 1.5 baths, patio, great for barbeques! Available April 15 - August 3 1. Rent negotiable. Phone 886-9436. Large, unfurnished, 3bedroomtownhouse available Sunnydale May - Aug. ‘83. $40 I/ mth. 15 mins. walk to campus. Further information call Susan, 884-7427. 1 bedroom, May -- Sept. to share, furnished living/ dining/kitchen and bath- to quiet male or female nonsmoker. Call Joan or Andrew at 884-3937, $125/ month. Room Available for Male or Female in a 2 bedroom apartment for fall term. Located at Brybeck and Westmount. Phone 885-2904, Kent. Rooms available in spacious home for May - August term. Close to University. Call 7447034.
MARCH
31,1983
2 roommates wanted to share Robinwood townhouse for the Summer. Nice location; swimming pool. Rent $119 each per month - last month’s rent free. Phone Patti; 8864029. Lease available in September. share a 2-3 bedroom townhouse for the summer and pick-up the lease for September. Located at University and Phillip; new and well maintained buildings and grounds, washer and dryer, partially furnished. Rent negotiable. Ask for Louis at 888-7168. Sunny dale: Furnished 3 bedroom townhouse to sublet May 1 to Aug. 3 1 with option for winter term. Rent $437/month. Gary. 884-9806. Martin 884-6526. Room available for Summer ‘83. $80/ month plus utilities. for more info call 884-3028.
Housing Wanted \
Wanted: Townhouse/ house for four upper year students starting September 1983. Phone 884-52 16, 884-7379 or 884-6238. $25 reward for information leading to acquiring lease or possession of a two bedroom apartment in close proximity to Waterloo Park. Dave, 8852370. . Roommate wanted for September to April to share large 2 bedroom townhouse with one person. Upper year and vegetarian preferred. 10 minute walk to U W. $175 each plus utilities. 886- 1524.
Found Calculator at CIAU Final Game. Call 885-2741 to identify.
Campus Answer By Robert George Heringer Norman Francis MacIsaac Ansvver:‘Engineers
Tracy Insult
McCarthy 3A
Who eats the most quiche?
Dave Train
Wiseman Engineering
Maureen Psych 2
Who am I glad are on co-op work term now?
Mark Pompetzki Philosophy 3A
Pytyck
Who can you judge by their paper?
Who knows how to party best?
‘. ,..“, I
:
Ron West Grad Plummer What is the official plummers?
Rocky Uncivil name for
Nash Eng
Who is responsible for the writing on the washroom walls?
Violet Erotic
Burnell Eng
Who writes dirty sayings on the ladies’ washroom walls?
Jill Mewhinney Dance 1 Who asks- the most students to their pubs?
dance
:‘z,,;?
,
,. ’
,
b. ,.
Mark Saar Dance 3
Paul Batte Engineering
Why do mothers send their daughters to Waterloo?
Name one of the ten lower species of life on earth.
7B
THURSDAY,
MARCH
Ride Available Suntan, frolic, the ocean Myrtle Beach, leaving April 18, room incarfortwoorthree more. Call Andrea, 884-6855 or Scott 884-96 15. Florida. Yes, it’s time again to think about holidays. Plan yours today! Ride available for two returning (only) from Tampa April 29. $20 each, $25 deposit each required, refundable upon showing up on April 29. Steve 742-2052.
TYPh 25 years experience; no math papers; reasonable rates; Westmount area; call 7433342. Experienced typist will do essays, work reports, etc. Fast, accurate work. Reasonable rates. IBM Selectric. Lakeshore Village, near Sunnydale, 885-1863. Professional typing at reasonable rates. Fast, accurate service. Satisfaction guaranteed. Carbon ribbon with lift-off correction. Call Diane at 576-l 284. Typing. 14 years experience typing theses, research papers, manuscripts, etc. IBM Selectric II correcting typewriter. Phone Nancy anytime at 576-790 1. Typing: Essays, reports, theses, etc. typed accurately, quickly. Carbon film ribbon. 75~ per double-spaced page. Phone Joan at 884-3937. Maggie can type it! Essays 75~ per page; thesis 65~ per page; resume $5.00; letters $1 .OO each; minimum charge $5.00; free pickup and delivery. Phone 743-1976.
Obituary It is with deep regret that we learned of the sudden demise of Miss Tan Kwee Keng; Treasurer Aseans, on early morning of March 18th. Miss Tan, founding member of Aseans was a 2nd year computer science student of the University of Waterloo. Our deepest condolences to her family in Singapore. Any contributions to the bereaved family may be directed to Alex Goh (8887396) or Lyndy Wong (8851 117) before tomorrow, 5 p.m.
Personal Hey Baby: Thanks for a GREAT term! Looking forward to the summer: Dolphin shirts and pink sweats! Luigi. Christopher, I’ll gladly exchange the ruby for a diamond anytime you’re ready. I love you. Poochy Pumpkin. Carolyn Bradshaw,
Bentley, Donald
Thomas Clarke,
31,1983 Andrew Cooper, Donald Haskings, Janet Jansen: Why are your names in the personal column? Collin, don’t forget to call Tina or she’ll be mad, won’t you Tina!! Lunches this summer should be nice. Turdville: Waiting for cheque Election from campaign. victories are expensive Bribe cost BIG BUCKS! Need bail money. Your Manager. Hey Babe, what’s happening? All in all it’s been the best I ever had. You had better not forget or you might be drop kicked in the brain. I’ll miss you! Love always, ME. 530C Sunnydale: Does Graduation mean no more Mazola parties? Too bad! Congratulations! Keep in touch. Love & kisses: The Girls. Honey Bunny - Sorry I can’t be in Waterloo this Easter. Raincheck on our romp in the carrot patch? Love Tigerness. To the luck on behave. Nudge!
:
BORNAGENGINEWS
Boys in Back: Good your exams and try to Wink! Wink! Nudge! Love D.B.
Studly or Jeffekins, thanks for all the advice on women this year (you’ve had so many) The Boys on WEST A. Ron B: Why would they want to wrap the glorified boundary string around your sweet little neck, anyways? Crisco’s a hell of a lot lighter. Merci for you know what, Mazola Dan M. Please report any more plummeting Elk you sight to Health Services. Waterloo Save-an-Elk thanks you for your concern. Wavie Dipp. There was a young fellow named Dave -a geographer bold and brave. But what makes him so cool was his being an APRIL FOOL. Oh, Happy Birthday Dear old Dave! B.B. - Big green eyes and active at night! Thanks for all the fun. Friends always. Dumpy. D.A.P. It has been a great 2nd term, you’ve made me very happy. Friends Always! A.K. JMK: White Easter bunnies are still chocolate. Peter (Dandy) Rabbit. Who else knows what goes on in CC 141? Thanx for the wonderful time Tracey. ZP - I’m not good at getting ‘flowery’ but I’m going to miss you next term in Ottawa, I hope I can see you a few times before I leave - Mike. Peach Blossom, you look so sexy in your tux and so beautiful out of it. 1 want you now and always. Love, Almost Consummated. 437 Hazel Boys: Can we talk?! From your tire rolling through our door (grow up, Rog) to Vince Cadillac’s “Voodoo Woman” (you can borrow it l-i-E
anytime), and ‘psychedelics’ (lets all grow up America); it? been everything. We’ll have lots of ice cubes for tonight. “The girls next door”, T&B. Jesus H. Christ. We were having conniptions on Sat. night when you two ignoramuses had MA BTBO. We’ll never forgit’cha. Fer sure, eh? B&T Reward Rendered: To the right woman to get Chris Vasko’s sony walkman off of his ears. KRAUT: Sorry about the space between your teeth., Coming to T.O. with me on Saturday? Luv ya! Wastecase. SAC - Lets get together this weekend, Pookie can help you study and Bab O’Riley is on the turntable. The Beast. It’s the best on the South-C’s. Sorry to see it end. Thanks KOD. Love Vic. For T. and T., I wish to announce their “non” friendship, “non” attachment and non-engagement. Good luck, Kids. mom. Why did the chicken cross the road? - To get to the other side! Why did Kendrunk cross the road? - Because she was tied to the chicken! (beginning of file) Mmmood Gaffool (zm-zither): How’s your head( Ask Pyscho, E.T., Boogin, or Easter Bernie. (end of file). T. and T. Ottawa is beautiful in the summer (esp. for lovers). Enjoy! P.S. By the time we graduate. . . A.R. JeIIohead: Colin Boogin wants your Gelatinous Cephalous. RSVP via Psycho or E.T. B. Cakes: Wouldn’t it be six months soon?! Are you really going to let it ride for the summer?! B. Snakes. Taboo! Good luck on your exams. Have a great summer. Get ready for the Ren. Coll. Again. “Tabooite”. S.M. I’ve got one of those little bumps on my wrist again . . . probably from shaking hands with you at depeche Moele. Happy 22nd BW! Another term down and “its been off the wall!” Have fun, and say HI to Bruce, in L.A. - we “won’t hold it against you!” Looking forward to more good times this summer. Love Yawn K. and Sink Me Freddy. T.M. lying, concealing, manipulating. The Jezebel spirit thrives in your ice cold body as you push mongoloids around in suburban malls. It was bittersweet. B. Cakes: Why do you say the things you do about me? (Obviously, the fire still burns!) But why do I have to hear it?! It seems that everybody else knows more than me, you’re always on my mind. B. Snakes. Ron -- still looking; MPClCAL
Ron.
K.O.D. - Thanx for being the bestest Don ever! Good luck with the essay. ISBLOF Love the women of South C.
The Y and R . . . questionable; The Passion Pit.. . Good; Tina . . . Great; Todd . . . Whooh Baby!
Woo. The concern you show over my morality is very flattering but misplaced. You should be more concerned over what you’ll never be able to get back. Don’t worry, hell doesn’t have herpes. Guess who.
Leslie Unsworth: Great party on Saturday. Heard the neighbours were mad, must do it again, soon! Are you happy? P.S.: I have to say HI! to Beeell my roommate. Robbie.
Math Grad Bail ‘83 - A great success despite the fools at tables 1& 2. Mouth of the Year goes to Cheryl. If you people had dynamite for brains, the explosion would sound like stale rice krispies. . M.J. - To a fellow pizza queen, here’s to Wildness, P.B., J.C., social butterflying, peach slurping and green beer! -I- N.B.
“Angelina”. There are SOME good things about R.C. our friendship is one. Thanx for the talk. “The other A.R.” Happy 21 to the guy with the cute nose and the M’s throughout his clothes and to Ralphie, The Monster. May you never f.s. again. Love Lizzie and Odie. Hey, Jude! I didn’t think his car would git, don’t worry. (It’d be better up his). Love ya, S.F.B.
To the recipient of of the year award, do do what you do your roommate.
Bound for Cobourg for the Summer Term? Meet at the Plaza Hotel on Monday, May 2 at 8 o’clock. The Coops.
ANNE alias SNOW BEAST alias DUTCH DY KE: Thanks for the weekend. Hope to do it again soon. I am healing, how about you? love Big Boy.
Patricia: Thanx for putting a little sunshine into our lives. Batman and Robin. P.S. What are you doing for breakfast?
Karen H.: Do you think that I could get a set of copies oft hat roll of film? Rob G.
They shoot bug killers, don’t they? Well, shit head you deserve it. Or, maybeonly33.3 per cent. It’s been a slice. The Bug Owner.
Cheryl the roomie even if you at night -
To our April Fool Shep Let’s PLAN 300 ways to improve 22 years for our suburban Queen. Let these sparkles fly and lets dwell on it Baby. 0. Love & Kisses (Smack); Twin ks K’boom, P.A., monkey and the Grand Pooh Bah.
PALM: Thanks for the great surprise. I hope that your birthday was all you wanted. All my loving always. Lan. Nick T.P.: Is that you puking on the beer label? Here’s to BAD Beer, and all this year. S.M.
South C - here’s to late-night hall parties, euchre, ISBLOF, true confessions, and Y and R and taking the risk. Thanx for the memories! - Nancy (your surrogate mother).
Patti: If we get drunk and end up with you, we’re lucky. But if you get drunk and end up with us, you’re in *&ca/occ trouble. The caped crusaders.
Laurent. I understand you still can’t find my name tag. No problem.’ I gave yours to twirly. He’s waiting for your spin - anytime.
Sue, Taps, Friday Night. “My opening line is I have no opening line.” Nice meeting you I think. I am in lust. Chuck.
Tony-Face; are you deppressed? Aural lubrication can help. Grand Rapids is only the beginning. Will the ugly cat be the psychokillers next victim? - The Apple
Sue: Taps, Friday night. It’s Rreealll bad, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat and I can’t drink. I know I am in lust. Chuck.
J.J. Thanks for the wonderful bath, but will I ever get that promised dinner??? Dearest Duckhunters(Crispy, Bubba, Ange, A. J., Goon, Reefer, Nibber, Psycho, Jimmy B., and Nick). Sorry for being such a rag this year, buddies. You’re the greatest friends a don could ask for!!! You gave SOUTH D a respected, name! Unfortunately, the rest of the floor are jerks! POD (classic, awesome, dandy, good time by all!!!) Dayna, Marg, Nancy, Roma, Cathy and the rest of South C, it’s been a great 8 months, best of luck, always! A&S (3 10) T.M. Thanks for making my first year so memorable. Best of luck on your exams! Cathy.
SEVENTEEN viving in the real world. been fun!
It’s
Renaldo. Thanks for all the bruises last Saturday. Next time we dance I’ll be sure to return the favour. By the way, get your voice looked at - I think puberty reversed itself. Hey Monica. * Smile we like you and wanna wish you a happy happy birthday, birthday. Surprise. Love Hubert and Gertrude. Cud! Maybe we could do it again. T. Kirk S.: Remember Sot 101 is on the 9th - don’t forget it would be AS bad AS missing 50%! Have a good summer! P.C. 109 Safe driving North. May your week-end be full of pleasant thoughts. Love from your “X” Easter Bunny! Sex Machine - Keep smiling and good luck with finals. Thanks for a fantastic term, 1’11 really miss you. Supply Side.
,
ENGSOC VP seeks girl with tow-truck. Send picture of truck to Don (where’s the damn road?) Ingram. C.J.B. Now that the dust has settled, I can see a little more clearly (though still a ‘poor reflection). Your love and friendship are what will make past days special for me to remember. Thanks for sharing a part with me. Time Marches On. Much love. The Short One. Wanted: One locksmith. Replies to Don (couldn’t find a
Kuda Lumpurfmn * departures from Montreal gm8 Ill
From Vancauver
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Dckwd Sr.: Once upon a thunderstorm we saw the morning smile. So let’s chase our special rainbow and be happy for awhile. Here’s to raindrops and roses!! Pumpkin. Albin. Everything was extraordinary and I had an excellent time. In the future though, improve your aim - my ear got so wet I heard the ocean for days. Happy Birthday Melinda. Girl. The Best is yet to come. I believe it’s possible in 89. Smile today and tomorrow. Love you. M.R.S. Bear. Q: When is salt and pepper like sugar and spice. A: When I can touch you to see if you’re real. Did your bug drown? It’s got a 66.667 per cent chance of sur-
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TRAVELCUTSTORONTO U of T, 44 St. George St
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Michael A.C. - Happy April Fools! Would I forget your 23rd? Never! Hope -110~don’t forget to visit us, on the West side of town ?! - As always, Love from T.B.B. & SS. P.S. Could you fix our stove? T&L You silly girls! Thanks for making this year so much fun. Because of you two, “It wasn’t really wasted time”. G. Weee. Mike P. Thanks for putting up with my Impulsive curiosity thefts of anything that I like of yours. Good luck on your exams and havefun at Nippissing next year. Deb Manpaar.
the Bombshelter April 13 to celebrate. Be ready to Party! Gathering around 8 p.m. M.C. Gay Male, 20, seeks same for friendship during fall and winter 83-84. Possible housing for same. Write: Jeff, 5468 Dundas St. W., Box 1100, Toronto, Ontario. M9B 6E3
jacket with keys and stuff in the pocket. 884-6827. Silver-grey Wittnauer wrist watch near BearingerParkside corner (Sunnydale). Highly sentimental graduation gift. $ub$tantial Reward! Please contact Mike 884-l 101.
For Sale
Lost $50 Reward: For the return of my calculator (TL 58C) left in the arts library fifth floor or near the graphics lab E2 Saturday evening March 26. Phone 884-3729.
T.W. I.M.C.: I would like to officially announce the engagement of MEA to EPC. Stay tuned for marriage date.
Lost blue binder with accounting notes and problems for ACC 381, 401, 462 and 485. If found please call 884-0948. Reward offered.
Attention! All Pre-Opt second year students, we shall meet in
$10 reward for the return of a purplish, cloth K-way style
Smith-Corona Electric typewriter. Coronoamatic model 2200. Excellent condition. With corrector and two free cartridges. Price negotiable. Call 884-6 139. Vancouver to Toronto. Oneway ticket for June 5th. $100. Phone 886-0106. Typewriter. Smith-Corona manual, good condition, $80. Men’s leather shoulder bag $35., men’s X-country ski suit, like new. Tel. 884-567 I.
THURSDAY,
One pair of Lady’s Burgundy Roots Boots. One year old, size 8-8.5. Original price $125, now for $75. Phone 884-4333. Ask for Carolyn. For Sale: Economics student well used, Physics student good at parties or Chemical engineer a little rundown. Call WVVI. Loudspeakers for sale. Toronto made GL 16’s. Highly efficient 6 in. horn, 16 in. woofer and port. 125 watts a side. Superb sound and very, very loud. Call 885-5 134, ask for Geoffrey. For Sale: Atari 800, 16K with cassette, in excellent condition. Includes 2 joysticks, Star Raiders, Krazy Shoot (Bezerk) and Basic cartridges, also includes Ghost Hunter (PacMan) and other games on cassette. Technical reference manual and Basic manuals also included. $950 or
best offer. after 5 p.m.
Phone
658-4356
Sony Radio-cassette recorder M 6400FB, AM/FM 2 band. Soft eject and one touch recording. Excellent, with 1 15 & 230 volt AC adaptor. Small size for traveller. $75. Call 884-6 139. 10.5 Hiking Boots - Asolo Tundra Yukon, made in Italy. Good condition, must be seen. $100 or best. 886-4543. Mike. Yamaha A-450 Amplifier, 35W plus 35W, under warranty; Techniques St 8077 tuner, under warranty; Kenwood KX 620 Tape Teck. $500 for all three. Scott, 884-5299. An HP 11-C. Only a couple of months old. $125. Ask for Barry, 884-8 133. Free!! Over stocked; chesterfield and two chairs for
MARCH
31,1983
students in need of leisure furniture, yours for the taking. 886-1618. California Airline Ticket. Flight on May 21 st from Toronto to San Francisco (one way). $100 or best offer. 886-3 I 13, ask for Joanne. 69 Lotus Europa, Fibreglas body, mid engine, just restored, black lmron paint, black leather minilite mags, CN36, 17,000 miles, very quick. Must sell, first reasonable offer. 884-l 364. Maxell MX-90 metal cassette, tapes. Factory sealed. $9 each or make an offer. Call Joe, at 884-4264 (5:30 -- 6:30 p.m.) Stereo. Sony STRV2receiver. Sony PST1 direct drive turntable. Two Accusound speakers. $700 or best offer Call 579-8691, ask for Judy. Must sell - reason: imminent starvation.
Terry’s trivia tops out as truths are tastefullv tallied J
by Tame Terry Bornagenginews
25. According
staff
Hawaii
Pleasence - Telly Savalas 26. This question should have read, “In which movie do we see Blofeld’s face for the first time?“, because it is never seen in From Russia Mrith Love. Therefore, the answer is You Only Live Twice.
27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33. 34.
35. 36. 37. 38. 39. 60. 41.
of Jeannie.
19. Spiderman - Peter Parker. Superman - Clark Kent. Batman - Bruce Wayne. Robin - Dick Grayson. Hulk Bruce Banner. 20. Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows! 2 1. Love Me Tender was Elvis Presley’s first movie. 22. You can hear Steve McGarrett say “Book ‘em, Danno!” on 5-O.
23. The maid on the Bra& Bunch was called Alice. 24. The six Brady kids were Greg, Peter, Bobby, Marsha, and Cindy.
Jan
42. 43. 44. 45. 46. 47. 48. 49. 50. 51. 52. 54.
55. 56. 57. 58. 59. 60. 61. 62. 63. 64.
I
Bring this ad to St. elements for $1 .QO towards anything! Not valid on Thursdays. First 50 ads only!
699-4088
these people played Blofeld:
Rock Around Day 1s.
74.
Richie’s older brother was named Chuck(played by twodifferent people). Fonzie’s cousin was named Spike. Fonzie almost married Pinky Tuscadero. I Spy, starred Robert Culp and Bill Cosby. Ken Osmond (Eddie Haskell) now works for the Los Angeles Police Department. Beaver’s real name was Theodore. Lois Chiles was in the movie Moonraker. ’ John Forsyth did the voice for/Charlie, and Orson Welles does Robin Masters. Sally Field was Sister Bertille in The Flying Nun. Dan Ackroyd and John Belushi formed the Blues Brothers. Bob Hope preceeded Johnny Carson, Andy Williams preceeded John Denver and Burt (Baby) Matthews preceeded Doug Wright. Fred Flintstone dropped a bowling ball on his foot and started the dance craze The Twitch. The kids on The Flintstoneswere Pebblesand Bamm Bamm. Stingray!, Thunderbirds, Captain Scarlet and even Fireball XL-5 were all done using puppets. Tony Curtis and Roger Moore starred in The Persuaders. Cassiopia and Athena chase Starbuck on Battlestar:
From
So, how did you do? Thirty of them were extremely easy and with little or no work at all it was possible to get about eighty. I will admit that there were a couple (e.g. No. 30) that were pretty tough. Hopefully everyone had a good time seeing who knew which ones. In case you want to test your friends who do not read the Bornagenginews, here are the answers. 1. It is spring. 2. The Beatles sing about a yellow submarine. 3. Jeremiah was a bullfrog. 4. A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down. 5. Fred Flintstone’s pet dinosaur is named Dino. 6. CKMS, (94.5 FM) is Waterloo’s student radio station. 7. The M unsters live at 13 13 Mockingbird Lane. 8. Carl Perkins originally wrote and recorded Blue Suede Shoes. 9. George Armstrong was the Captain of the Leafs when they last won the Stanley Cup. 10. Ringo Starr is currently married to Barbara Bach. 11. Big Bopper - J. P. Richardson Elton John - Reginald Dwight Bob Dylan - Robert Zimmerman Ringo Starr - Richard Starkey Alice Cooper - Vincent Furnier David Bowie - David Jones Denny Laine - Brian Hines Meatloaf - Marvin Lee Aday 12. A. A. Milne wrote Winnie the Pooh. 13. Tolkein’s initials stand for John Ronald Reuel. 14. Tarzan of the Apes was first published in 1914. 15. Ian Fleming wrote Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. 16. The next Star Wars movie will be called Return of the Jedi. 17. Thecastaways got to Gilligan’s Island onboard the Minnow. 18. Larry Hagman, Bill Daily and Barbara Eden were in I Dream
to theclosingcredits
Russia btith Love - ? You Only? Live Thlice - Donald On Her Majesty! ‘s Secret Service
73.
65. 66. 67. 68. 69. 70. 71. 72.
Blofeld has a white pussycat. Lennon and McCartney share an Oscar for the Let It Be soundtrack. Pete Best (a former Beatle) is now a baker. With A Little Luck was the Wings song at the end of the movie Sunburn (and what you needed to get this one). Foster Hewitt did the radio broadcast for the CanadaRussia series. The goalie for Team Canada was Ken Dryden (Tretiak for Russia). The U W Varsity team that has won the most CIAU championships is the Men’s Swim Team. On December 23rd, 1943, Major Glenn Miller took offfrom England for France to arrange for a concert the band was to play on’christmas day. The small plane took off in the fog and headed out across the English Channel. It disappeared from sight . . . and flew into oblivion. Toni Tennille was the first female to sing with the Beach Boys. Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye was sung by Steam in 196%. It was Louis Armstrong singing Hello, Dolly,! that knocked the Beatles out of the number one position back in 1964. The follow-up to It S Mr, Party was It’s Judy’s Turn to Cry. Neil Young and Steven Stills were members of Buffalo Springfield. Frank Oz does the voice for Yoda. Suzie and the Redstripes is really Paul and Li:nda McCartney and Wings. Mrs. Robinson was introduced in The Graduate. The movie the Monkees was in was called Head. John Lennon was the first recipient of the first “Man of the Year Award”. The serial number of the U.S.S. Enterprise is NCC-1701. Capt. Kirk used logic to defeat NOMAD. “Bones” used concrete to heal the silicon creature. Kahn escaped from the Botany Bay penal colony (it was also the name of the ship he escaped on). Pike was Kirk’s predecessor on the Enterprise. Cary Grant never did say, “Judy, Judy, Judy” in any of his movies (a trick question). Rick’s real name an Magnum P.I. is Orville. The Green Hornet drove around in the Black Beauty. Cesar Romero - Joker; Burgess Meredith - Penguin; Vincent Price - Egghead; Roddy McDowell - Bookworm; Lee Meriwether - Catwoman. Al Jolson was the star in the first verison of The JazzSinger. Hawkeye used tongue depressors to build the Washington Monument. Frank Burns was the best man at Hotlips’ wedding. Father Mulcahey’s full nameis John Francis Mulcahey. There were 25 1 episodes of M*A *S*H. Mr. Drysdale was the banker on the Beverly Hillbillies. Glen Campbell plays lead guitar on the Beach Boys version of Good Vibrations. John Denver was the host of the first Midnight Special. John Clayton is Tarzan’s real name, and also the name used by Marlon Brando when he registers at a hotel. When I’m 64 is off the Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Heart’s Club Band album. The Irish Rovers hit record was The Unicorn. Lorne Greene’s only number one hit was called Ringo. Stevie Wonder’s 13th hit record was Superstitt$“PI. Alfred Hitchcock’s last movie was Family? Plot. Maxwell Smart married Agent 99. Maxwell Smart called his superior “Chief”, The name of the human looking robot was Himey. Maxwell Smart was Agent 86.
75. 76. 77. 78. 79. 80. 81. 82. 83. 84. 85. 86. 87. 88. 89.
Galactica.
the Clock
was the original
theme for Happy)
1
90.
John Derek’s first two wives were Ursual Andress and Linda Evens. 91. Jan and Dean made Surf City a hit. 92. George Harrison was the executive producer for The Lzfeof Brian and Time Bandits. . 93. Peter Sellers last movie prior to his death was Being There. 94. Hank Aaron holds the record for the most home-runs in a career. 95. The movie Heaven Can Wait pitted the L.A. Ramsagainst the Pittsburgh Steelers for the Super Bowl. 96. The Partidge Family travelled in a multi-coloured schoolbus. 97. Frankenstein’s first name was Victor. This refers to the creator ofthe monster. The monster originally had no name. It wasn’t until Hollywood started making sequels that the Monster came to be called Frankenstein. 98. The Three Musketeers were Athos, Porthos and Arimis. D’Artagnon was the fourth. 99. Toto recorded the song 99. 100. Everybody’s favourite hand in the Addams Farnil.\- was called Thing. Well, there you have it. The answers to 100 trivia questions. The lucky winners (those people who submitted the most correct answers to the Imprint office ) are: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7, 8. 9. 10.
85.3 Ian Westerberg, Mike Ebert. Clark Michlowski 85.175 Richard Mallon 83.5 Sharon Chidley 83.05 Doug Grittani 83.0 Mark Frayne 82.167 Steve Kangas 8 1.8 Judy Majsztrik, Rose Tsugios, et. al. 81.6 Rob Morrison 79.85 David Kerr 79.517 Peter Schneler, Aloke Phatak and the boys at 62B Churchill.
11. 76.3 Irene Bosnich 12. 74.975 Kevin McLean 13. 72.467 Emilvan Dijk 14. 70.55 Cathy Brown 15. 67.008 Sanjeev Dutt 16. 65.467 Chris Prodanos 17. 64.267 Rick Estok, Sharon Augustine 18. 47.192 Kelley Mc Keating We would like to thank everyone who took the time to answer all 100 questions, and submitted their answers. All those who finished in the top ten should come to the Imprint office right away to collect their prizes. The sooner you get here the better your “choice” of prizes. Come to CC 140 before 3:00 p.m. today or anytime after Monday next week.
Tournaments At this time of year, whether we like it or not, we tend to reminisce. Looking back over the past eight months, I can visualize many tournament champions and many would-be champions. From the Grad Club’s men’s softballchampionship, to the Ret Bud’s dramatic championship in men’s “A” broomball, each championship was as sweet, to the participants, as each of the others. These teams were not the only “champions”, however, for all participants, in any tournament, were the true champions. The ability to win, or lose, gracefully is a victory in itself. On that front, there were more champions in Campus Recreation tournaments thisyearthaninanyyearin the past. I would like to take this opportunity to say thankyou to a few people who have been active supporters of the Campus Recreation over, not only the past year, but theirentireacademic careers at U W. To Colleen and Laurie Maloney, Maureen and Janet O’Connor, John Devlin, Tom Callahan, Scott Milligan, Mike Ludgate. Marita Sinclair, and Carol Rutherford, I wish each of you the best of luck in the future and offer a very sincere thank you. John Brioux, co-ordinator of tournaments
us 3hT
The PAC will operate at the same hoursduringexams, but due to exams in. the gymnasium it will be closed. The P-AC will be open from 8 - 6 p.m., April 25 - 29.
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Ball Hockey Final congratulations to the Slimers, now the men’s “A” ampions. They posted a 4-O win over the Bombers to capture s term’s crown. Both the Northernersand E.S. Devilsdeservea pat on the back their stunning upsets over the RHPS and S.D. Duckhunters pectively. But the Northerners pulled off a double overtime tory to steal the “B” Championship. Thanks to all playersand trees for a successful and non-eventful term. Mike Bolger, convener
Delectable Dianne
Assistants Needed The following positions are still available for spring ‘83. ftball convener; soccer convener. For fall ‘83, Instructional uatics co-ordinator. These are paid positions and if you are crested or would like more information, please see Peter lpkins in Room 2040 in the PAC.
New Schedule
‘ffective April 4, the pool schedule will be changed for the nmer. The new timesare: Monday to Friday, 8: 15 to9: 15a.m.; 30 to I:30 p.m.; 4:30 to 5:30 p.m.: 9:00 to 10:30p.m.; Saturday 1 Sunday: 2:00 to 4:00 p.m. -he Aquatic Staff will try to keep the pool open as much as sible during exams for your use.
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In-coming Federation President in pain.-& was learned yesterday by the staff of BORNAGENGINE WS the incoming Fed President, Tomb Allison was suffering.from a painful and disgustingly disfiguringgrowth on the bottom of his fbot. When asked to talk about the disgusting configuration, Allison simply stated that “It started as a planter’s wart on the bottom of my foot. ”
Ravishing Rashmi
Jiggling Jennifer
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