All We Are Saying, is Give Peas a Chance Jay Lynch
A recent tooth extraction by a local oral surgeon included some unexpected humor. The minor surgery reflected today’s medical efficiencies. The doctor arrived, politely introduced himself, shot me up with novocaine, yanked my tooth, and then left the room. With other patients waiting, he had no time to chat about post-op pain management. Instead, his nurse, Maria, handed me an instruction sheet and a few gauze pads, took my payment, and hustled me out the door. When I returned home, the novocaine wore off and the pain and swelling began. As I scanned the instructions for pain relief techniques, one of the phrases caught my eye (see below). It seemed odd, to the point of being humorous:
An ice pack or unopened bag of peas or corn can be applied to the area 20 minutes on and 20 minutes off… to help minimize swelling.
g in h l ve wit a Y Tr A D O T
In full sarcasm mode, I picked up my phone and called Maria at the office. Jay: After surgery today, I went to Giant Eagle, filled a plastic bag with peas, took it home, and held it against my jaw for three 20-minute intervals, but the swelling is getting worse. Maria: Were the peas frozen? Jay: Frozen? Oh, I get it. I should’ve bought frozen peas! There’s a bag of frozen cauliflower in my freezer, but I can’t use it. Maria: Why not? Jay: Your instructions say only peas or corn can be used. I assume there are healing microbes found only in the DNA of peas and corn that can magically seep through plastic bags. Maria (laughing): No, Mr. Lynch. There’s no magic, and I think you’re pulling my leg. The instructions are pretty funny when you take them literally. We’ll fix them. But, they used to be worse. Jay: Worse? Maria: Under the paragraph entitled “What You Can Eat,” the instructions used to have a typo. It said, “In the first 24 hours, restrict your diet to liquids or soap.” We got lots of calls on that one! Jay: I guess a mouth full of soap would be justified for extraction patients who’d cursed a lot during the procedure. We both laughed, my pain subsided, and I learned a lesson. Humor works better than a bag of warm peas. n
Watching the team’s buses depart from a Jacksonville hotel for a Sunday afternoon game
TODAY traveled to Jacksonville, Florida, this past November to enjoy the Pittsburgh Steelers 27–3 win against the Jaguars and our hometown team’s 10–0 record at threequarters of the season mark. Watching the team depart for the game in their four buses from a birds-eye view atop the team’s hotel and properly social distancing in TIAA Bank Field’s stadium, the hotel’s hospitability and stadium personnel friendliness couldn’t have been nicer to a crowd of mostly Steeler fans. So Inside TIAA Stadium to much for the season’s ending. watch the Steelers capture A round of golf at The King & Bear in the World their tenth straight win Golf Village, lunch at the World Golf Hall of Fame, and then a quick trip through St. Augustine, Florida, (founded in 1565, the oldest city in the nation) to see the Fountain of Youth, was a great way to enjoy this southern sports trip. For you history buffs, the WGHoF, supported by a consortium of 26 golf organizations from around the world, is unusual among sports halls of fame in that a single site honors both men and women. n
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UPPER ST. CLAIR TODAY
Spring 2021
Entrance to the World Golf Hall of Fame
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