THE POWER POINT 1
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED
“
THE POWER POINT 3
2009– 2016
T H E P OW E R P O I N T
Commemorative Book
THE POWER POINT S EL EC T I O N S F RO M T H E POW ER PO I N T B L O G B Y U PPER C AN ADA C O L L EG E PR I N C I PAL J I M POW ER
Edited and Compiled by Suzanne Heft Illustrated by Lucrecia Diaz
4 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
CONTENTS FOREWORD ....................................................... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
MORALITY TALES.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 5
by David Hadden ’71
On Leaving Your Feet January 13, 2013.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 36 A Christmas Gift January 8, 2013.. ........ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .37
HISTORY............................................................ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
Founder’s Day February 15, 2013.................................. ...................... 9 A Tale of Two Captains January 23, 2012............................................ 11 My Bad November 15, 2009. .............................................................. 13 PARENTING......................................................... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 4
Sulking in the Sandbox August 29, 2011.............................................. 15 Three Looks August 20, 2014........................................ ..................... 16
Be the Beep September 17, 2012........... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 39 The Write-Off January 28, 2011........... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41 Tyler Clementi, RIP October 4, 2010... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43 MALE MODELS. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4 5
Two Armstrongs August 26, 2012. . ........ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46 A Lesson in Life May 19, 2009.............. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47 A Man for Others April 28, 2009.......... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49
BOYS.. .............................................................. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 7
CHARACTER, NOT MANNERS, MAKETH THE MAN.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 2
On Serendipity February 4, 2013. ...................................................... 18
The Three Scariest Words May 7, 2012.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 53
The Challenge of Technology and Boys October 15, 2010................... 20 About Boys’ Schools October 11, 2010. .............................................. 23 On a Public Boys’ School July 14, 2010. ............................................ 25 FATHERS & SONS................................................. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2 7
Fathers and Sons January 27, 2013.................................................... 28 The Prodigals November 26, 2012..................................................... 29 The End of the Season October 29, 2011. ....................... ..................... 31 On Father’s Day June 6, 2011........................................ .................... 32 Two Stories November 9, 2009. .................................... .................... 33
Stupid Things I Have Said May 13, 2011. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55 A View from the Arena February 17, 2011. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57 The Mask and the Man Box February 23, 2015.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58 November Cuts April 22, 2013. . ............ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60
THE POWER POINT 5
WHAT ATHLETES TEACH US................................. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 2
BEING. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 7
AI’s Question September 6, 2012. ........................... ........................... 6 3
A Whole New Mind March 2, 2010.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98
The Wisdom of Sweet Polly Purebred February 27, 2012.. .................. 6 5
On the Second Education and iPods November 29, 2009.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 00
Kobe’s Comment April 16, 2011......................................................... 6 8
Wisdom from an Old Boy November 21, 2009. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 101
A Different Kind of Artist December 6, 2010. .................................... 6 9
I Wouldn’t Say Anything October 9, 2009.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 02
Doug Flutie and Me September 29, 2014. ............... ........................... 72
What Maketh a Man? September 28, 2009.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 03
MONDAY MORNING & THE PSYCHIC SOCK DRAWER...... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 4
Loss, Siblings and Identity September 26, 2011....... ........................... 75 Starbucks Musings February 28, 2011. ................... ........................... 78
The Obscene T-Shirt: Lessons from a Lion March 31, 2014.. . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 05 The Kindergartener’s Questions March 5, 2014. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 07 On Humility April 27, 2015. . ......... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 08
The End of the Season November 22, 2010. ........................................ 81 A Song, a Protest and a Betrayal November 24, 2014.......................... 83
THE LAST WORD.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 1 0
Veritas: Or What I Learned About Human Nature at Dunkin Donuts
by Innes van Nostrand ’82
October 21, 2014. . . ........................................................................... 85 INSPIRATION & LEADERSHIP. ............................... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8 7
A School Head’s Story January 15, 2011. ................. ........................... 88 Sir John and Basil Fawlty February 13, 2014. ......... ........................... 89 On Bullying June 2, 2010. ................................................................. 9 1 A Game to Remember February 8, 2010. ................ ........................... 92 Mrs. Shriver’s Legacy August 11, 2009. ............................................. 9 4 The Things We Hoisted May 6, 2013...................... ........................... 9 5
BY THE NUMBERS. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 1 4 BIOGRAPHY OF JIM POWER. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 1 5
THE POWER POINT 7
David J. Hadden graduated from UCC in 1971 and has been a UCC teacher, coach and boarding master over the years, in addition to his leadership role in the College’s recent Think Ahead Campaign. For 23 years, David Hadden was the Principal of Lakefield College School and he now serves as Strategic Advisor to the Executive Director of the Canadian Accredited Independent Schools (CAIS).
BY DAVID J. HADDEN
FOREWORD Being a Head of School can be a tough job. I person-
Talking to kids is easy; it’s getting them to listen
When Jim assumed his role as Principal of UCC
ally know a little bit about this. From the earliest
that is the hard part. Over 12 years of Monday morn-
he made his office—literally and figuratively—a place
days on the job every Head strives to find his or her
ings in Laidlaw Hall, and through his blog, The Power
where tough questions could be asked and chal-
own “voice.”
Point, Jim’s voice, his very distinct voice, and his pre-
lenging conversations could flow. And Jim, always
occupations, became the “soundtrack” to his tenure
around when boys, teachers and parents needed him,
as a Head.
with an open door and an open mind, invited us to be
I also know Upper Canada College very well, having spent some time here myself over the past 52 years. So in 2004, when UCC announced it was hiring a new Principal, Jim Power, from south of the border, to take the reins of a school that is older than Canada itself, I was curious and eager to see what the future would bring. What I observed, and what we have all come to learn, is that two of the qualities that a Head of School must have—courage, and authenticity of character—Jim Power has in spades. At the helm of UCC he quickly established himself as a courageous leader by example, someone innately comfortable in his own skin, a man of honesty and integrity. This is no more evident than in the way he writes, talks and speaks in public, and especially in his disarming, honest and often poignant speeches to the students at the Upper School, a selection of which are captured here in this commemorative book.
What makes a man a man? How can we do the right thing even when that is painful? What do boys need to be successful in the world? And lots of musings on sports—and the lessons boys learn on and off the field. When he talked to the boys, he talked from the heart. And the boys listened. On his blog, The Power Point, he wrote about things that he believed truly mattered and he did so in a way that invited the reader to think and ponder, to engage, to be “a part of the conversation.” Jim understood that in our noisy modern world, an honest and authentic voice moves minds and hearts.
a part of that great conversation about boys. “We believe in boys,” he crafted in UCC’s first-ever mission statement. Yes, indeed. This book collects many of his best speeches and posts and it illustrates why so many of us, myself included, have enjoyed being listeners in the back pew over the years, and why we will continue to listen, as one surely always must, when a great Principal speaks. Thank you, Jim. The palm is yours today. David Hadden March 2016
8 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
History
“
Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms, to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances— to choose one’s own way. VIKTOR FRANKL
THE POWER POINT 9
COLBORNE WAS SOMETHING OF A DREAMER, AND HE HAD A HUGE SENSE OF AMBITION FOR HIS SCHOOL.
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FEBRUARY 15, 2013
FOUNDER’S DAY In honour of this being Founder’s Day, I offer six
might ask a history teacher about
comments about John Colborne. Think of this as
UCC’s role in the Fenian Raids.
“Everything you always wanted to know about Lord Seaton but were afraid to ask.” Most of this is based on my reading of Richard Howard’s 1979 book, Colborne’s Legacy. If I were to offer a thesis this morning, it would
(I’m still not sure how Lord Seaton would have felt about his school’s having an American principal…) Second, Colborne wanted his secondary school to prepare boys
“
Whether we like it or not, we will always be seen within the shadow of the Rogers Clock tower.
Third, Colborne was something of a dreamer, and he had a huge sense of ambition for his school. Richard Howard writes that, “Colborne’s attitude was unrealistic, considering the financial and social limitations of a pioneering com-
be that institutions, like individuals, are bundles
for their future professions. In
of contradictions.
2013 this may seem like a common sense approach
a school in York, superior to those in the districts, he
First, and I confess I find this of personal interest,
munity. In attempting to develop
to education, but in the 1830s—at a time when the
drew upon UCC a good deal of hatred. The school sur-
Colborne probably didn’t sing “The Star Spangled
typical secondary school curriculum in England
vived, but it was never popular.”
Banner” on a regular basis. He had a distrust of
consisted primarily of Latin and Greek—Colborne’s
American culture and education, and he hoped his
insistence that UCC boys study mathematics and
tension today. We want to be elite without being
school would actively counteract the republican
drawing was progressive.
elitist. And there is always the concern about how
influence, which he feared was entering the province.
For those of you sporting stylish orange house ties
You could argue that we still wrestle with this
our profound sense of ambition is perceived by those
I am not sure Lord Seaton anticipated the dangers
this morning, you should know that John Howard, after
beyond Lonsdale Road. I remember a UCC student
presented by Jay Z and company, but for the last
whom Howard’s House is named, was hired as UCC’s
once captured this when he said, “Whether we like
180+ years, UCC has been something of a bulwark for
very first drawing master. Howard actually went on
it or not, we will always be seen within the shadow of
Canada. I think Colborne would have been proud of
to a brilliant career as an architect; he designed many
the Rogers Clock tower.”
this, and he might give a very dignified shout-out to
iconic Canadian buildings, including the first building
Point Four: Howard points out that by allowing
Eamonn O’Keeffe and the Monarchist League. If you
at Queen’s University. He also donated to the citizens
such an overwhelming proportion of the masters to
are interested in learning about how UCC students
of Toronto’s High Park, where today Colborne Lodge
be Anglican clergyman, Colborne tarred the college
actually defended Toronto (then known as York), you
(named after you know who) now stands.
with a sectarian brush, negating his farsightedness
10 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
“
At his school, courage and leadership are values that spring from deep within his DNA.
in making the College non-denominational. This
I find solace in discovering that the
is another interesting institutional contradiction.
good Reverend experienced some
When in 1829 it was decided that UCC would be
morale problems in the 1830s.
non-denominational, the founder never would
Howard writes, “Members of the
have imagined his school as a “secular” institution.
Classics Department questioned
Think for a second about the profound difference
Colborne about their position
between “non-denominational” and “secular.” And
vis-a-vis the principal. They had
in a school with a chapel, a school hymn, and a tradi-
thought they were to be his colleagues, and he was
for his bravery, especially for the courage he displayed
tion of “prayers” (that is what Old Boys over the age
treating them as assistants or ushers.” They say there
during the Battle of Waterloo. There is a reason that
of 40 called assemblies), it’s no wonder that so many
is no such thing as original sin; it is the same sin we
the statue of Lord Seaton commands the quad, in the
believe UCC, like BSS, is an Anglican institution.
keep repeating over and over! By the way, after eight
same way that the largest portrait in the hall looms
Colborne, by the way, became a lay minister during
years as principal, Reverend Harris wrote, “The
over all of us in Laidlaw Hall. At his school, courage
his retirement.
labours of the present situation were too onerous to
and leadership are values that spring from deep within
be relinquished with regret.” He retired, apparently
his DNA. And it makes sense that we continue to
exhausted, at the age of 38.
stand, 184 years later, still somewhat in awe, under his
Point Five: Colborne was a very wise soul. While he founded the school, he was smart enough to never become its administrator. Instead, he hired Reverend Harris to deal with that task. By the way,
If you are a fan of Fawlty Towers, by the way, it’s worth noting that both Rev. Harris and Lord Seaton
eventually retired to Torquay. I hope that there isn’t a link between Basil Fawlty, bold and daring leader that he is, (“Don’t mention the war!”) and the present day leadership of UCC. Finally, Colborne was known
shadow today.
THE POWER POINT 11
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED JANUARY 23, 2012
A TALE OF TWO CAPTAINS In April we will mark the 100th anniversary of the
the Costa Concordia. According
sinking of the Titanic, and even if you haven’t seen
to the CBC, Francesco Schettino,
the glossy James Cameron film, in the coming
the Concordia’s captain, steered
months you will hear a lot about the “unsinkable
the ship too close to shore in order
ship” that hit an iceberg 450 miles southeast of
to “make a bow” to the people on
Halifax and sank, taking with it over 1, 500 lives.
an island (what the non-nautical
(By the way, the last known survivor of the shipwreck,
among us might describe as show-
Millvina Dean, who was just a baby on the Titanic,
ing off ) and then, after the cruiser
died just two years ago at 97.)
struck a rock and started to sink,
Beyond the sheer horror of the event itself, I have always been struck by the nobility of the men who perished, starting with Captain Edward John Smith, who was the captain who gallantly went down with
“
Today we understand that putting others first does not imply a social hierarchy, but it is a mandate for us to care for others.
the captain was among the first to jump ship. It’s hard to say this with a straight face, but Captain Schettino claimed that he tripped and fell
It’s too easy to contrast the Titanic and Costa Concordia disasters, two nautical tragedies that took place a century apart. Over the course of a century we have made great strides in our efforts to become a more open and equitable society. Consider, for example, the plight of the people in the
Titanic’s steerage compartment as just a small reflection of the social inequality that was all too common in 1912. While we have made progress with issues
his ship. Other men willingly stepped aside, as was
into a lifeboat. (I’m not making this stuff up.) To
such as race, class, gender and orientation, along
the custom of the time, to let “women and children
make matters worse, when the coast guard rescued
the way, we may have unintentionally lost sight of
go first” into the lifeboats. According to witnesses,
him, Captain Schettino actually refused their order
something important, something about the role and
the men in the ship’s band tried to calm the panicked
to return to the ship to aid the stricken passengers.
responsibilities of men.
passengers by continuing to play until the very end.
He is now under house arrest and facing charges
Survivors reported that their last song was the old
of manslaughter.
hymn, Nearer My God to Thee.
If 13 passengers hadn’t died, this might pass as
The great strides women have made in terms of equality do not absolve men of the best traditions associated with manliness. Men have traditionally
something out of The Office TV show. I can almost
been called upon to deny themselves, to put the needs
week, you can probably tell where I’m going with this
hear Michael Scott explaining how he tripped and
of others before their own. In light of this, it would
because you know what happened on the cruise liner,
just ‘happened’ to fall into the lifeboat.
be an overstatement to say that Captain Schettino
If you’ve been reading the newspapers in the last
12 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
represents modern man, but there is something in his actions that should deeply disturb all of us. Before Dr. Adam Cox spoke here last fall, he did
Today we understand that putting others first does not imply a social hierarchy, but it is a mandate
something unusual. He left the Laidlaw Hall stage
for us to care for others. We can
and went straight into the audience in order to shake
still recognize that there is such
“
The right choice, of course, begins by putting others first.
one boy’s hand, while boldly proclaiming, “Strength
a thing as honour, and we will be
and honour!” This move surprised me; it seemed like
called to test that honour at any moment because our
something out of Gladiator. I was waiting for Adam
lives are a series of unchartered events. There are
to begin his speech with,
rocks and shoals everywhere, and we are eventually
“My name is Maxiumus Desmus Meridius. Commander of the Armies of the North. General of the Felix Legions. Loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son.
Remembrance Day. Honour was very much at the core of what drove them, back when they were boys, to put themselves in harm’s way. It was about service to others. What they did, they did not for
themselves, but for the greater good. Today we, too, have a choice. We can choose to follow the lead of Captain Smith or Captain
measured, not by the hazards that come into our
Schettino. The decision is yours. The right choice, of
lives, but by the way we deal with them.
course, begins by putting others first.
Looking out at all of you this morning, I see
When you next hear the call to “man up,” I hope
unlimited potential. I know that right here, right now,
you’ll remember—not those goofy beer commercials
Husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my ven-
there are daily opportunities for us to exercise our
where they threaten to take away your “man card”—
geance, in this life or the next.” (Forgive me, but I’ve
courage muscles and to promote a sense of honour.
but those honourable Old Boys who put themselves
been waiting 10 years to use that line!)
Remember the Old Boys who graced this room on
on the line for God and country.
THE POWER POINT 13
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED NOVEMBER 15, 2009
MY BAD In The Art of School Leadership Thomas Hoerr points out, “The best way for a principal to create
WE EVENTUALLY CAME TO THE REALIZATION THAT BOARDING IS NOT SO MUCH A STRATEGY AS IT IS A KEY PART OF UCC’S IDENTITY.
There are a number of threads entwined in this
a plan to close boarding. Nothing could have been
mistake, but a key one involved process. Early on
farther from the truth. (I actually did my doctoral
an environment in which creativity and teamwork
we decided that we would not announce that the
dissertation on boarding schools and character
thrive is, no surprise here, by sharing her own mis-
Board was conducting a review on boarding because
development!) But because I got the process wrong, I
takes and what she has learned from them.”
we feared two things might happen: one, that the
had a hard time convincing some of these folks that I
announcement itself might undermine our program,
was actually looking for the greater good.
I’ve made more than my share of blunders since coming to UCC, but without a doubt the most pain-
and in effect, poison the well. (Who would want to
ful one involved my recommending that we close
send his son to a boarding program that was contem-
that the discussion of boarding—and even the
boarding over two years ago. (No need to recount
plating closure?) We also thought, given the more
heated criticism of the initial decision—has
the resulting pushback from Old Boys on this, or the
competitive nature of day admissions at the time,
sparked a renewed interest in the program. With
Board of Governors’ prudent decision to not only keep
that an in-depth and public discussion of this nature
a new emphasis on recruitment and program
but to revitalize the boarding program.) We eventually
would be unfair to our boarding students.
improvements, I’m convinced that boarding will
came to the realization that boarding is not so much a strategy as it is a key part of UCC’s identity.
Even though I’ve spent most of my adult life living in dormitories and working in boarding schools, some accused me of coming to UCC with
If there is a silver lining in all of this, it’s
experience a renaissance at UCC. Sometimes even a bad initial decision can lead to a good result.
14 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
Parenting
“
We can do no great things; only small things with great love. MOTHER TERESA
THE POWER POINT 15
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED AUGUST 29, 2011
SULKING IN THE SANDBOX In an effort to understand our “neurotic parenting culture” (a culture of which I am a part, mind you!), a psychologist recently shared this dilemma: You are the parent of a three-year-old, and you’ve
The victim’s parent, though, who was conveniently perched on the edge of the sandbox, immediately intervenes by reprimanding
taken your child to the park. While he is playing
your child and by returning the
in the sandbox, you are sitting at a bench nearby.
shovel to its rightful owner. The
Because you are grossly inadequate as a parent, you
moral order of the universe—or at
forgot to pack your customary shovel and bucket,
least the moral order of this partic-
and as a result, you can see your child envies the
ular sandbox—is restored.
“
What is important is that your child learns that when he misbehaves, there are consequences.
park. Nobody wants to look like the neglectful parent in front of our life partners!) The better response, though, at least according to the experienced psychologist, is to do NOTHING. “Of course, you want to keep an
eye on things, but you don’t want to interfere. What
other, better-equipped and better-parented children
Question: What do you do now?
is important is that your child learns that when he
who are enjoying themselves in the box.
Almost all of us would spring to our feet, and
misbehaves, there are consequences. If you interfere
sprint to the box in an effort to console our progeny.
with the natural feedback cycle, what he really picks
and pushes him away. (Does your child suddenly
(And I think we would have 100% compliance with
up is that, even when he messes up and acts like a
remind you of that ne’er do well brother-in-law?)
this approach, if our spouses were anywhere in the
turkey, you will be there to make everything fine.”
At this point your kid grabs another kid’s shovel
16 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED AUGUST 20, 2014
THREE LOOKS Two boys, who happen to share my last name, were
My wife went running for the
engaged in a rather heated disagreement last week
water hose, in the hope of dous-
(Perhaps they were discussing provincial equaliza-
ing the combatants into a state
tion payments?) when the younger of the two came
of peace and equanimity. While
up with a profoundly old-fashioned solution.
she was searching for the UN of
I believe he put it this way: “Let’s fight.”
household accoutrements, the
Both lads immediately turned to me. Their look
younger of the two was already
“
My wife went running for the water hose, in the hope of dousing the combatants into a state of peace and equanimity.
wonder if we could get this done in time for the Toronto International Film Festival?” My momentary reverie, though, was immediately interrupted by a loud bang. It turned out that one of the combatants
wasn’t so much a search for approval so much as it
displaying great energy and enthu-
was a statement of fact: “We’re doing this—no matter
siasm. Eventually, though, the
what you say.” I paused for a moment before blurting,
bigger, older brother won out, thus
“No swinging.”
ensuring that the moral order of the universe would
dream of “Power and Peace in Our Time” immedi-
prevail, at least for another day.
ately dissipated.
My wife was immediately and utterly appalled. “No fighting! Stop them!” Before I could begin to explain why I believe that
As the boys, now exhausted but in an apparently
still harboured some ill feeling, and had impulsively decided to put his fist through a wall. The
The look my wife gave me at that moment sug-
peaceful state of mind, walked away, I gave my wife
gested that, perhaps in hindsight, we might want to
in a more perfect world all boys can verbalize all of
a knowing and thoroughly self-satisfied look, and I
save that “Boy Whisperer” article for the winter edi-
their disagreements and peacefully process all of
began to quietly congratulate myself. “Power, you
tion of the school magazine. My only consolation was
their problems, but that occasionally, as long as there
have such a deep and intuitive understanding of male
the realization that we had already missed the Hot
is not a great imbalance of power, and both boys want
adolescents. Perhaps this gift might lend itself to an
Docs deadline.
to engage, it’s OK to let them wrestle some truths to
article in Old Times? I can see it now: “Power, the Boy
the ground—the two knuckleheads were already roll-
Whisperer.” Perhaps someone might, in a splurge of
ing in the grass.
creativity, then turn this piece into a documentary? I
THE POWER POINT 17
Boys
“
Walk on, walk on With hope in your heart And you’ll never walk alone You’ll never walk alone UCC SCHOOL SONG
18 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FEBRUARY 4, 2013
ON SERENDIPITY New Orleans, the host of yesterday’s Super Bowl, has
best he could, to give his “non-traditional students” a
First, there is a sort of serendipity to life, a ser-
been in the news over the last few years, especially
well-rounded education. Like UCC, Jones wanted to
endipity that we often fail to recognize, a serendipity
since the devastation of Hurricane Katrina. But New
take a “whole boy” approach to learning. Part of this
that we almost never talk about. It’s important not
Orleans has always been a tough, edgy, “hit first and
involved twice-weekly band activities.
ask questions later” kind of town. The Crescent City has never been confused with Mayberry.
A man named Peter Davis ran the Colored Waifs’
just to be lucky, but also to recognize our good luck. If Louis hadn’t brought the gun, if he hadn’t been
Marching Band, and despite his best efforts, he didn’t
right there when that stranger fired the blank, if he
A century ago, a young boy, a boy with no par-
click with the newest member of the band class. The
hadn’t been arrested and then sent into exactly the
ents, a boy who was being raised by his grandmother,
new student didn’t seem all that interested in trying
right place, where he would bump into exactly the
went out to celebrate New Year’s Eve. Because New
to play any of the instruments, and he seemed lethar-
right teacher, the world would be a poorer place.
Orleans was even then a dangerous city, he took his
gic in class. But Peter Davis kept trying.
grandmother’s boyfriend’s gun, so that he could join
Then one day, the new boy picked up the tambou-
My questions for you on this are: Can you recognize your own good luck? Are you doing anything
his friends, who were also going to fire their pistols in
rine, then the drum and then the horn. Something
with that luck? And have you expressed gratitude for
celebration of New Year 1913.
clicked as he began to play. It didn’t take long for him
your good fortune?
He and his friends were walking towards the
to discover—and for everyone else to recognize—that
centre of town, when a stranger fired a blank in the
he had an unusual aptitude for the alto horn. And he
Second, everybody needs a Peter Davis. Without him, Louis could have been just another fatherless
direction of the young boy. The youngster did not
began to throw himself into playing, as he had never
boy, just another statistic. It would have been easy
hit his pause button. He impulsively returned fire,
done before.
for Peter Davis to write off young Louis. Who needs
and after his subsequent arrest and trial, he was sent
Years later, the no longer young man went from
one more knucklehead kid? Why wait on a boy who
to an institution unfortunately called the “Colored
entertaining people on the streets, then to dance
won’t meet me half way? And why should I care
Waifs’ Home.”
halls, then to recording studios. The rest, as they say,
about a kid whose own parents have given up on him?
Unlike most of the other reform schools of its time, this group home was founded by an African American man named Joseph Jones, who tried, as
is history. The story of young Louis Armstrong sticks with me for three reasons:
(It would be sensational, by the way, if every student had six teachers with whom he forged a Davis-like connection, but my experience tells me
THE POWER POINT 19
THERE IS A SORT OF SERENDIPITY TO LIFE, A SERENDIPITY THAT WE OFTEN FAIL TO RECOGNIZE, A SERENDIPITY THAT WE ALMOST NEVER TALK ABOUT.
that what you really need is at least one. We all need
Let me end with a question I sometimes struggle
one other adult whom we can turn to in that dark
with myself: I think it is great that you have so much
moment of the soul, because we all hit the wall from
on your plate. It is wonderful that you have so many
time to time, and as Michael Thompson points out,
academic, artistic, athletic, and service options. It is
every boy needs a third parent once in a while.
also terrific that at UCC we tend to attack all of these
Third, we all need an alto horn. Not literally, of
with great energy, and that our expectations are very
course. But Louis found his aptitude. Our challenge is to
high. We don’t just play rugby, we expect to get to
find ours. One of UCC’s strengths is that you are exposed
OFSAA’s. We don’t just fiddle with the Jazz Band;
to so many different options; you can test drive math, sci-
we want the audience’s ears to feel like they are in
ence, film, rugby, service, and cricket—to name just a few.
the French Quarter.
We talk about “igniting” in our mission statement,
The downside to these universally high expec-
and that’s really what I’m talking about. Many of you
tations, of course, is that we can sometimes feel
already throw yourselves into arts or sports or tech-
So my three “takeaways” from this morning are these: 1. You and I are lucky. Let’s recognize our good fortune and do something with it. 2. Find your Peter Davis. He or she may be in Laidlaw Hall right now. Don’t wait for him or her to find you. Start shaking that tambourine. 3. Find your alto horn. You may be fiddling with flute or banging the drums right now. That’s OK. Keep exploring and practising until you get to your horn.
inadequate if we aren’t good at everything. And I
The next time you hear Louis’ classic, “What a
nology. It almost doesn’t matter what the activity is.
want to challenge that sense of inadequacy. Very
Wonderful World,” I hope you’ll remember the story
What’s important is that it is your interest, not your
few adults are good at all things. (You should see me
of a parentless boy on New Year’s Eve. Remember
mother’s, your father’s, or your advisor’s, and that
dance or do taxes or dance while I’m doing taxes!)
Peter Davis’ persistence. Remember that we can
you care so much about it that you are able to stay
And I sometimes ask myself, “Would the world have
never give up on one another. If you can keep all of
with it, to practise endlessly, so that you feel you can
been a better place if Beethoven had been a better
this in mind, you’ll hear in that song Louis’ recogniz-
achieve some degree of mastery. Because it is that
physics student? (Mr. Jeffrey might argue the other
ing and rejoicing in the great serendipity of life.
sense of accomplishment, that belief that you can
side of this.) But I will leave that question unan-
solve a problem or do something really well, that can
swered, at least for the time being. I just hope, though,
help give you the confidence to tackle other, bigger
that you aren’t always measuring yourself against
challenges in the future.
some impossible standard.
“Oh, yeah…” [Editor’s note. “What a Wonderful World” plays on the loudspeakers.]
20 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED OCTOBER 15, 2010
THE CHALLENGE OF TECHNOLOGY AND BOYS Dear Readers,
At least that’s what I did. As
After receiving an interesting letter from a concerned
usual, The New Yorker cartoonist
parent, I turned the question out to a number of col-
got it just right: now kids even
leagues. If you have a son and are concerned about
in homes where adults read and
his use of technology, you might enjoy this:
surround kids with books, the
Dear Jim,
new media is so intoxicating, that
When time permits, would love to read your opinion of and advice for the phenomenon expressed on the cover of the most recent issue of The New Yorker, October 18. This is our house, our library, and our son. Please help. – A concerned parent RESPONSE 1
Welcome to the “brave new world.” The irony is that too many of our kids won’t get the literary reference that I just made, since fewer and fewer read books. In most cases, it’s especially true in families where the adults don’t read books, because it used to be that kids picked up the reading habit from their parents, and then got hooked on books and read after “lights out” as much as they could.
“
Are books now only sought out when nothing else is available?
books pale in comparison. Here’s the good news: it may be that gaming online, simu-
central thesis: “Gaming online, simulations as teaching tools and conversion of books to digital means will converge and kids will be reading all the time once again.” My observation is that online gaming, for example, is displacing
reading as a leisure pursuit, because gaming is so
lations as teaching tools, and all the conversion of
much more stimulating and takes less intellectual
books and magazines to digital means will all con-
effort than the concentration required to read what
verge, and kids will be reading all the time once again,
used to be called an “improving” book. Live gaming
only on their iPads instead of from their paperbacks.
allows friends to chat together in real time as they are
So if they don’t read Jane Austen and Aldous Huxley on their own, as we may have, more the purpose of schools like ours where the canon continues to be taught. Jim again: I wonder, though, if this is something we should talk through with the Parents’ Network?
playing, so that there is the illusion of hanging out together in person! It is bizarre and incredibly popular. As for the digitization of books, I have no objection to anything being read on an iPad, for example, (I’m a big fan) but if you’re not a reader, the novelty of reading in that form will pass quickly and you’ll
We are all struggling with it.
just end up using your iPad as a laptop to surf the
A PARENT’S RESPONSE
Internet and play games. So the question becomes
It’s very kind of you to consult a wise man on my behalf
how do we encourage our boys to become lifelong
on this topic. That’s what I did when I wrote you. I am
readers in the face of all this distracting, time-con-
afraid, however, that I’m not persuaded by the writer’s
suming, readily available technology?
THE POWER POINT 21
PARENTS NEED TO HAVE A STRATEGY AT HOME. IT IS WORK, IT IS NOT EASY, AND IT IS A POINT OF CONTENTION BETWEEN PARENTS AND THEIR CHILDREN.
For the last three years that my son has gone to summer camp, he has said that the best time of day is the quiet time after lunch when the boys spend two hours in their cabins relaxing. He reads. He reads because there is no Internet to surf and no friends to chat with by cell while at camp. This summer, he badly broke his foot while we
RESPONSE 2
Parents need to have a strategy at home. It is work, it is not easy, and it is a point of contention between parents and their children. Each child is different and parents will often need to tailor their approach to the specific needs of their children. Having said that, there are some generic
were on holiday abroad. He had to have emergency
approaches that can be tailored if necessary.
surgery and spend three nights in the Children’s
1. Laptops should never be behind a closed
Hospital there. (He’s fine now, thanks.) By the second day after surgery, with no Internet or cell service and only Italian TV, he dug through his backpack and found the copy of Catcher in the Rye that I had stuffed in there alongside his laptop, just in case. He read all of it one sunny afternoon while sitting on the veranda of the Children’s Hospital. And he discovered he loved Holden Caulfield. And all. Is this how addictive technology has become? Remember Wordsworth’s description of Lucy’s beauty? “Fair as a star, when only one is shining in the sky.” Are books now only sought out when nothing else is available?
door. Laptops should never be in the bedroom. Students should be working on the main floor, somewhere where they are being monitored. 2. Wireless should have time limits. The child should know that they have so many hours a night for Internet access. If they need to download content for their studies, then they can use their laptop “after-hours,” but they cannot connect to the Internet. 3. How the heck do I achieve #2: First, the wireless router should be on a timer similar to that for turning lights on and off. A schedule is made clear with the child. For example: the wireless network
is only available from 7:00 to 9:30 pm. Before that is paperwork and other studying. If parents or older children need a different schedule then buy two routers on different timers and passwords. This is not difficult to do, but if the parents struggle, ask a friend. 4. Handheld gaming. #3 is important because almost all devices connect to the Internet now. So even if you put parental security on a laptop, they can still connect with their iPad/iPod/ Gameboy, etc. If the home router is on a timer, then it will totally be shut down at certain hours. That is the best way to ensure they are not sitting in their room on the Internet all night. 5. The phone bucket! Have this by the front door or somewhere in the house so that all devices go somewhere that they parents can monitor them. That bucket fills when the child comes home, or at sometime in the evening, and then it goes with the parents in the evening.
22 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
6. Passwords. Parents should know every password for the students. Facebook, Instagram, MSN, etc. Only use it if necessary. And sit down with the child every so many months and make sure that passwords work. If they are living in you house, and you are driving them to hockey, and feeding them, and giving them a bed, then knowing passwords is very little to give up. If they won’t give you their passwords, then do not give them access to your (the parents’) Internet. This one drives my son nutty but he conforms. This is really intended for Grade 6–9 or so. After that, it gets tougher, but some form of agreement between the child and parent make it manageable. I am sure there are lots of other strategies, but these are the main ones I usually discuss with parents.
A PARENT’S RESPONSE
Those ideas are excellent. I cringed, however, when I read them. Last year, my husband and I, in an effort to give our son the independence he requested, made a big mistake and gave him unfettered freedom with respect to doing his homework. The result of that strategy was that, by year-end, our bright but insufficiently monitored son ended up on the “academic concern” list. No good deed goes unpunished and our good intention was horribly misguided. This year, we have guidelines very similar to those you outlined, but the phone bucket is a brilliant idea we will be implementing. The difficulty is helping a 15-year-old understand why it is important to learn each subject, as opposed to just scoring well
on a test. I want to encourage scholarship and erudition as opposed to a ruthless efficiency in getting high marks. Although given the reaction around here when his report card arrived in June, I might have been mollified by more ruthless efficiency on his part. My son’s poor results in a couple of subjects were the result of a perfect storm of all players here failing to do and failing to know what was required to be done to achieve good results. My father used to say that sometimes you can only know where the line is if you cross it. Thanks for the good advice, Jim. That would certainly be valuable information on your blog for other parents.
THE POWER POINT 23
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED OCTOBER 11, 2010
ABOUT BOYS’ SCHOOLS When discussing the relative advantages of single
championship season; he belted
gender versus co-educational education, there
out the words he had written to the
is a natural tendency to inflate points of differ-
melody of “I Will Survive.” The
ence. After 30 years of teaching in girls, boys, and
captain may have been off key, but
co-educational schools, I think it’s important to
no one complained, and Gloria
understand that it’s not a case of one school mod-
Gaynor might have been proud.
el’s being superior to others. While a boys’ school
As I sat there in the dark, it
“
While a boys’ school may be right for one son, a co-ed school may be the appropriate setting for his brother.
What did you think of “The Social Network”?) Yes, boys can be impulsive. They may need to move around a bit. (“OK, you’ll need to work in groups for the next 15 minutes, so I want you to literally pick up
may be right for one son, a co-ed school may be the
occurred to me that, if there were
appropriate setting for his brother.
even one girl in the audience, this scene would never
have a need to challenge authority from time to time.
Critics of single-gender education sometimes
have worked. It’s almost inconceivable that an early
(“Don’t you think this global warming hysteria is a bit
stress the fact that “life is co-ed.” This truth, though,
adolescent boy would have taken such a risk in the
contrived?”) But even beyond sound pedagogy, boys
doesn’t undermine the value of giving youngsters the
presence of a single girl. (A colleague believes that
can benefit from the cultural liberation that can be
sanctuary of a single-gender environment—at least for
“all boys are economists at heart. They are always
created in single-gender schools.
a few years—as they ride the sometimes-bumpy roller
doing cost/benefit analysis for everything.”) In this
coaster of adolescence. A comfortable environment,
case, the stakes would have been far too high.
free from preening and posturing, can allow children
There are many sound reasons for boys’ schools,
your desks and move….”) And they
A friend told me a story about an English teacher who taught Hamlet to a Grade 10 class at a boys’ school, and later, with the same group of boys, he also
the chance to understand themselves as they discover
especially if the teachers at those schools embrace
taught the class with a neighbouring girls’ school.
interests, refine skills, and embrace values.
the broad and occasionally nuanced challenges of
When he taught the boys and asked for volunteers
boys. If teachers understand how boys grow and
to read out the role of Ophelia, 20 boys raised their
mentary school caught me off guard. The captain
develop, they can address the organization and read-
hands. But when he taught the class with the girls,
of the Grade 7 soccer team was standing in front of
ing challenges that sometimes hold boys back. (“Do
not one boy raised a hand. (There is that economics
400 boys, but instead of simply praising his team’s
you have your agenda with your homework assign-
issue at work again!)
accomplishment, he literally sang a tribute to their
ments? Do you know when your next French test is?
The first assembly I attended at a boys’ ele-
24 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
As a parent and teacher, wouldn’t we all be hap-
they “get” big people. I think that
pier knowing that our sons had an opportunity and
we “get” boys—warts and all.
felt the freedom to participate in anything they felt
While always guarding against a
passionate about, regardless of what society deems is
“boys will be boys” mentality, we
appropriate for boys? There’s enough time to worry
try to create a safe space for boys
about that when they join the adult world. School
to take risks. We believe there are
should be a safe zone, a place for all of children to
many roads to manhood, many
explore and discover themselves.
paths to success, and we’d like to
I like to think of our schools as the “Big ‘N Tall”
“
School should be a safe zone, a place for all of children to explore and discover themselves.
If you saw the Spaniard soccer players celebrating after their World Cup victory, you saw them hugging, crying, and kissing one another. The athletic context created a space for complete freedom of expression. While we don’t win World Cups on a daily basis in
make all of these broad avenues available to our boys.
boys’ schools, we do enjoy the freedom to celebrate
store for boys. If you are 6 foot 4, you might find a
It’s not that that biology is destiny, but we do believe
the occasional wins that come our way. Just don’t tell
great-fitting suit at Sears, but he’s much more likely
it is proclivity.
Gloria Gaynor how we do it.
to find one at the “Big ‘N Tall,” because that’s where
THE POWER POINT 25
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED JULY 14, 2010 PUBLISHED IN CANADA’S NATIONAL NEWSPAPER, THE GLOBE & MAIL
ON A PUBLIC BOYS’ SCHOOL Hemingway wrote standing at his typewriter. That’s
reaction to a public system that has
hardly surprising, because research suggests boys
failed the many disengaged, learn-
are more apt to learn when they can move around.
ing-disabled or violent boys who
Because we all want to encourage tomorrow’s
lag behind girls. The cited causes
authors sitting or standing in today’s classrooms,
range from fatherless homes to
many private boys’ schools are experimenting with
immigrant alienation to poverty.
stand-up desks and other such initiatives. Chris Spence’s recent proposal for Canada’s first
“
Without stereotyping gender difference, we do believe boys and girls learn differently.
While I’m enthusiastic about
Boys’ schools must articulate key values from the outset. Our challenge is to build character, to teach boys to explore modern notions of masculinity. We want boys to know it’s okay to ask for help, to care and nurture. Most
this initiative, my fear is this forward-thinking
importantly, as teachers we demonstrate these traits
public all-boys school offers an opportunity to weigh
innovation will reinforce the old myth that boys’
so graduates can serve, unabashedly, as parents and
in with 180 years of lessons learned and cautionary
schools are a punitive last gasp—boot camps for the
community leaders who make a difference.
tips for our public-school brethren. Some see their
ungovernable and the delinquent. Only a sustained,
proposal as an exotic provocation, not a public policy
conscious effort will ensure this school does not suc-
that. Consider a report for the Good Man Project,
initiative with precedents in Alberta’s charter schools
cumb to a reactive, remedial model of boys’ learning.
a collaboration of New Zealand boys’ schools: “By
and thriving public boys’ schools the world over.
Boys’ schools are uniquely situated to do just
It’s a challenge. The new school will be set up
their very existence, boys’ schools encourage build-
precisely because those within its catchment aren’t
ing a sense of pride in being male. In a world where
point: Without stereotyping gender difference, we
thriving in their current schools. By contrast, my
much media focus is on the more negative aspects of
do believe boys and girls learn differently. Reams of
school (Toronto’s Upper Canada College) and others
young men, the ability of boys’ schools to provide an
research speak to that. While biology isn’t destiny, it
like it, have entrants who possess academic strength
alternative view cannot be underestimated.”
is proclivity. The point is, boys’ schools aren’t about
to thrive in competitive environments and parents
segregation. They’re about defining gender-selected
who have the means, or receive tuition assistance, to
healthy dose of customized learning. They’re places
strengths and teaching to them.
support them in realizing their potential.
where boys aren’t afraid to take risks, where it’s okay
The Hemingway example illustrates a broad
There’s also a subtle point that hasn’t been discussed much. Dr. Spence’s move is reported as a
Despite contrasting entrance credentials, this school can succeed for the same reasons others have.
Boys’ schools aren’t simply about serving up a
to join the meditation group or the debating club, to cheer for underdogs and stand up to bullies.
26 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ULTIMATELY, ALL SUCH SCHOOLS ARE IN THE CHARACTERBUILDING BUSINESS.
It’s not all warm and cuddly. Look at a typical
brothers,” while forming lifelong friendships. But it’s
As an all-boys pioneer, this new school is encour-
pack of Grade 4 boys, tumbling about like puppies.
an artificial tree house with no girls allowed. So we
aged to draw on the experience of UCC and other
Boys are, by nature, rougher and tougher, more phys-
need to intentionally build in co-ed opportunities,
fine boys’ schools, and of the International Boys’
ically competitive. Those who work at boys’ schools
especially in arts and service programs. You can’t
Schools Coalition.
need a deep understanding and comfort with that
have it all. Our graduates often confess they hustle to
reality, while not falling for the simplicity of the old
get up to speed about deciphering the intricacies of
acter-building business. But we only get there by
“boys will be boys” mentality.
female social cues once they hit universities or
refusing the remedial “reform school” model—
the workplace.
that’s no place for a boy to grow. Even Hemingway
It is a double-edged sword, so a final caution: Our students are apt to call themselves a “band of
Ultimately, all such schools are in the char-
wouldn’t stand for that.
THE POWER POINT 27
Fathers & Sons
“
The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power to tell just when the hands will stop, at late or early hour. Now is the only time you own. Live, love, toil with a will. Place no faith in time. For the clock may soon be still. POEM FOUND IN THE POCKET OF EDWARD “EASY EDDIE” J. O’HARE, Lawyer to gang mobster Al Capone when he was shot and killed after testifying against the mob in 1939 in an attempt to clear his name
28 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED JANUARY 27, 2013
FATHERS AND SONS Prep’s former head of school, Dr. Steve Johnson,
and the more Steve thought about
spoke to the Upper School boys about “fathers and
it, the less sense the war made to
sons” last week, and he made things personal and at
him. He read about “the domino
times poignant by talking openly about himself and
theory” and other reasons offered
his relationship with his dad.
for sending troops to Southeast
Steve’s father, a child of the Depression, served in the military during World War II. He worked hard, won scholarships to DePaul and Northwestern, and
Asia, but none of them were convincing. At this point, Steve inter-
“
If you believe in something and act on it, you need to expect that you will have consequences to deal with.”
married, and carved out a very successful career in independent schools. He eventually reached out to his family, but things were never quite the same between him and his father. Years later, at his dad’s funeral, he learned that his father had told his friends that Steve was
earned himself and his family a piece of what they
rupted his story to remind the
used to call the “American Dream.” Thanks to his
boys that there will come a time
successful legal career, he and his wife were able to
when they will have to show the courage of their con-
raise four children in a prosperous Chicago suburb.
victions. “If you believe in something and act on it,
Adam Cox, says that every boy needs to feel that he is
Mr. Johnson would have been a proud member of
you need to expect that you will have consequences
a worthy son.) I can’t imagine how much it must have
Tom Brokaw’s “greatest generation.”
to deal with.”
hurt for Steve to hear those words.
But here’s where the edge of the story begins.
A case in point: When Steve called his father to
actually a Russian history professor in California.
I had to gulp on that line. (The psychologist,
After the assembly, Steve came back to my office
The oldest child, Steve, was a dutiful son, largely in
tell him that he would not participate in a war he
and continued. “The more I think about it all, I real-
sync with his parents’ values until he found himself
didn’t believe in, Steve vividly remembers his father
ize that I didn’t have that ‘tool box’ to be able to talk
on the campus of Iowa State University in the late
slamming down the phone. They didn’t talk for years.
to my own dad. If there’s something you might want
1960s. The Vietnam War was the issue of the day,
Steve headed off to Winnipeg, earned a PhD,
to teach the boys, that would be it.”
THE POWER POINT 29
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED NOVEMBER 26, 2012
THE PRODIGALS Mr. Holt’s artistic compe-
The late Henri Nouwen, a priest who worked at
tition during last Friday’s
L’Arche Daybreak House right here in Toronto, points
assembly—and Eamonn
out that Rembrandt, a Dutch painter of the 17th
and Elliott’s performance—
century, was an old man when he began this master-
newborn. You can see the painting itself as a scene of
inspired me to think about
piece. He was near death and very much aware that
rebirth. There is light piercing through the darkness
about art in general and
he had not lived an easy or virtuous life. Three of his
of the canvas, a light that implies that there is some
about a painting in particu-
children had already died, and Rembrandt had been
hope, a light and hope somehow emanating from the
lar this past weekend.
caught up in a number of adulterous affairs that had
forgiving father.
This morning I’d like to show you Rembrandt’s
brought him to the verge of ruin. He was close to
House will not in any way resemble what Rembrandt came up with here. For this, I apologize in advance. Second, the prodigal son’s head is like that of a
Third, this painting is almost two separate works.
The Prodigal Son and offer a few observations, most
moral and financial bankruptcy when he started this
You can draw a line and split it in half. The light on
of them courtesy of Henry Nouwen, who wrote a
work, and given all of this guilt and pain, it’s easy to
the left draws our eyes to the kneeling boy, as his
book with the same title.
understand why he was drawn to the comfort of The
father embraces him. By the way, if you look very
Prodigal Son.
closely at the father’s hands, you can see they are
The Prodigal Son is a parable about two boys and their uneven relationship with their father. One son,
Nouwen makes four points about the painting:
quite different. His right hand is that of a man; his
the man kneeling on the left, has already squandered
First, Rembrandt used his own face as the model for
left is that of a woman. Rembrandt may have been
his inheritance on wine, women, and song and has
that of the father. You can’t help but wonder if in some
suggesting something about the nature of forgiveness
just returned to his father, who welcomes him with
way the artist was grappling with what kind of parent
and relationships that went far beyond the tenor of
open arms. The prodigal son looks like a prisoner
he should have been. We, in turn, can’t help but ask
17th century Holland.
of war; the shaved head, scarred feet, and tattered
ourselves about the sort of person we might be or might
clothes hint about the humiliating journey he has just
want to be. Speaking on behalf of fathers everywhere,
father, there are a number of other characters, some
travelled. The Prodigal Son is a story of a father’s for-
I’d say most of us feel inadequate next to this painting.
of them quite shadowy, lurking in the background,
giveness, and in the Christian context, it is the story
If for example, one of my sons breaks just one more
and they are all staring blankly at the father and son.
of God’s love for all of us, sinners though we are.
window, odds are the scene that plays out in Grant
The most prominent of the onlookers is the father’s
Fourth, in addition to the prodigal son and his
30 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
THE PRODIGAL SON IS A STORY OF A FATHER’S FORGIVENESS...IT IS THE STORY OF GOD’S LOVE FOR ALL OF US, SINNERS THOUGH WE ARE.
older son. Again, for those not familiar with the story,
being passive bystanders. Sometimes we will be like
The Prodigal Son is about two sons; and the stern
the guys in the shadows who just look on blankly. We
looking guy on the right is that second and older son.
just don’t want to get too involved. When bad things
to us about the South African idea of Ubuntu, the
The younger son does everything wrong, repents,
happen in the locker room or library, we just walk
notion that is translated as “I am, because we all are.”
and is then rewarded, while the older son, the dutiful
away. We’re the guys who don’t care too much.
Lucas stressed that, “You can only become greater
boy who had followed all of his father’s rules, ends up feeling somehow neglected.
There will be other times when we are the stern
link, something that can sustain us in our time of need. A final thought: Last Friday Lucas Farewell talked
in anything you do alongside others.” The challenge
older brother, stewing in our own resentments, feel-
of Ubuntu is the paradox of the prodigal, because
ing completely unappreciated. There will be still
Rembrandt forces us to see prodigal as a plural.
this morning that can easily identify with that older
other times, when we are called upon to be like the
Clearly, both boys have been lost. One to extravagant
brother. You work hard. You play by the rules. You do
father, to reach out to those who have offended us, to
and foolish living. The other to himself, and his bit-
all the right things, and yet you see others, others who
embrace those who have gone out of their way to say
terness, and his overwhelming self-righteousness.
take shortcuts, who bluff their way through things,
or do hurtful things. That is a tough role to play, but
Ubuntu and Rembrandt both point to the need for
who make bad decisions and waste their gifts, and
think for just a moment about the healing aspects of
us to overcome isolation. Because, like it or not, we all
these guys somehow manage to get the attention and
forgiveness. Think about what that might mean in
get lost in one way or another, and that’s why we want
affirmation that you feel you deserve. Rembrandt cap-
terms of your relationship with your parents and also
that stern older brother to step off the pedestal, to
tures some of this on the right side of this painting.
with your friends, if you can somehow find it in your-
follow the light, to close the distance between himself
self to be like Rembrandt’s father figure?
and his family, to reconnect with his dad.
There are probably a lot of boys in this room
Let me end this morning by telling you why I have a copy of that painting hanging in my office. (The
If you look closely at the prodigal son’s right side,
That same impulse stirs in us. It’s that yearning to
original, by the way, is in The Hermitage Museum in
you’ll see that, despite all of his apparent poverty, despite
be with our friends, with our house, with our family
St. Petersburg.) I hang The Prodigal Son on my office
the ripped cloak and broken shoes, next to his right leg,
members—however imperfect they may be.
wall because every time I look at it, Rembrandt asks,
he still has his sword, a symbol of connection to the
“Where are you in this painting?”
family. Rembrandt suggests that, even in the midst of
Rembrandt himself might pound a pew or two and join
despair, we need to recognize that we each still have a
us in spirit the next time we sing, “Never Walk Alone.”
There are times when we may fall into the trap of
It’s that same impulse that makes me think
THE POWER POINT 31
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED OCTOBER 29, 2011
THE END OF THE SEASON Last May, when my father learned he would be
The 2011 World Series was the
moving on to hospice care, he asked his doctor one
last “marker” for my father; it was
question: “I’ll be here for the World Series, right?”
the final public event he had antic-
I’m not sure how the doctor responded, but my dad
ipated. Games and seasons have to
passed away in June, a month before the All-Star game.
end, of course, but when this has
I thought of that question last night, as I watched
happened in the past, every once
the last few innings of Game 7, and for the first time
in a while—usually on the coldest
in my life, with two outs in the 9th inning, I turned
days of winter—when we were all
off the TV. For some reason, I didn’t want the game to end. Or at least I didn’t want to witness its ending.
sloshing through slush and snow, my dad would call just to remind me that, despite the plunging temperatures, “In just six weeks, pitchers and catchers report! (to Florida).”
“
From now on, I’ll have to remind myself and my own kids that spring training is just around the corner.
That call won’t come next February, and perhaps that’s why I didn’t want to watch the Cardinals celebrate last night. From now on, I’ll have to remind myself and my own kids that spring training is just around the corner.
32 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED JUNE 6, 2011
ON FATHER’S DAY Father’s Day—one of those wonderfully commer-
In hindsight, I wish I had
cial, utterly insincere, Madison Avenue-contrived
asked him about his favourite
holidays—is coming up in a few weeks, but it will be
books and movies. I wonder what
a little different for me this year because my Dad
his great fears and frustrations
passed away last week. I hope I don’t sound maudlin
were. Was there a particular deci-
this morning. I was very lucky. My Dad, a genuinely
sion that he later regretted? Were
good guy if I do say so myself, was fortunate enough
there times when he felt inade-
to live a great life, well into his 80s.
quate or less than courageous?
Since his passing though, I’ve started to think
That failure to understand was
about the things that were never said. My Dad
mine, and perhaps it was just a
was born on October 31, 1928. Just in time for
case of my own profound lack of curiosity.
Halloween and just in time for the Great Depression. Like a lot of men of his generation, he wasn’t natu-
“
If I had a little more time, I’d ask my Dad more and better questions, questions about his past, about what shaped him...
At times, parents may seem like wallpaper; they are pleasant enough, of course, but they are almost
adolescence, they seem to recede more and more beyond the sidelines. If I had a little more time, I’d ask my Dad more and better questions, questions about his past, about what had shaped him, and about what was important to him, about whom he admired and why. I think that he might have
appreciated my interest, and I may have had a better understanding of him as a result. Anyway, with Father’s Day coming up soon,
rally inclined toward “caring and sharing.” He came
invisible, hovering out there on the edge of reality.
rather than a spiffy tie, you might consider giving
of age in the “pre-Oprah” era, so while we talked a
They are a part of the daily drama of life, but theirs is
your Dad, or the man who plays a father-like role
good bit, those conversations were usually limited
usually a supporting role. They may give you a ride,
in your life, the gift of some time and some genuine
to the world of politics, the Phillies, the Eagles, the
slip you a few bucks, or offer an occasional, unsolic-
interest. That “curiosity, imagination, and passion”
woeful Sixers, and all things Notre Dame.
ited piece of advice, but especially as you go through
line from the mission statement is something that might serve us all well in life far beyond the IB.
THE POWER POINT 33
BUT IN HIS EYES, HE HAD GIVEN HIS SON THE GREATEST GIFT HE HAD TO OFFER, AT THE GREATEST PRICE HE COULD PAY.
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED NOVEMBER 9, 2009
TWO STORIES An Old Boy sent me these two stories, and I shared
young son had clothes, cars, and a good education.
them with the boys this morning:
Nothing was withheld. Price was no object.
STORY #1
And, despite his involvement with organized
magazine. The poem read: ‘The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power to tell just when the hands
Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago.
crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from
will stop,
Capone wasn’t famous for anything heroic. He was
wrong. Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than
at late or early hour.
notorious for enmeshing the Windy City in every-
he was.
thing from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder. Capone had a lawyer nicknamed “Easy Eddie.” He was Capone’s lawyer for a good reason. Eddie was very good! In fact, Eddie’s skill at legal manoeuvring kept Big Al out of jail for a long time.
Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were
Now is the only time you own. Live, love, toil with a will.
two things he couldn’t give his son: he couldn’t pass
Place no faith in time.
on a good name or a good example.
For the clock may soon be still.’
One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Easy Eddie wanted to rectify wrongs he had done. He decided he would go to the authorities and tell
STORY #2
World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O’Hare. He
the truth about Al ‘Scarface’ Capone, clean up his
was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier
well. Not only was the money big, but Eddie got spe-
tarnished name, and offer his son some semblance of
Lexington in the South Pacific.
cial dividends, as well. For instance, he and his family
integrity. To do this, he would have to testify against
To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very
One day his entire squadron was sent on a mis-
occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and
the Mob, and he knew that the cost would be great.
sion. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel
all of the conveniences of the day. The estate was so
So, he testified.
gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to
large that it filled an entire Chicago city block.
Within the year, Easy Eddie’s life ended in a
top off his fuel tank. He would not have enough fuel
blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago Street. But in
to complete his mission and get back to his ship.
gave little consideration to the atrocities that went
his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift he
His flight leader told him to return to the carrier.
on around him.
had to offer, at the greatest price he could ever pay.
Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation and headed
Police removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix,
back to the fleet.
Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and
Eddie did have one soft spot, however. He had a son who he loved dearly. Eddie saw to it that his
a religious medallion, and a poem clipped from a
34 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
As he was returning to the mother ship, he saw
dived at the planes, trying to clip
something that turned his blood cold: a squadron of
a wing or tail in hopes of dam-
Japanese aircraft was speeding its way toward the
aging as many enemy planes as
American fleet. The American fighters were gone
possible, rendering them unfit
on a sortie, and the fleet was all but defenceless. He
to fly.
“
There was only one thing to do. He must somehow divert them from the fleet.
Congressional Medal of Honor. A year later Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29. His hometown would not allow the memory of this WWII hero to
couldn’t reach his squadron and bring them back in
Finally, the exasperated
time to save the fleet. Nor could he warn the fleet of
Japanese squadron took off in
the approaching danger. There was only one thing to
another direction. Deeply relieved, Butch O’Hare
do. He must somehow divert them from the fleet.
and his tattered fighter limped back to the carrier.
So, the next time you find yourself at O’Hare
Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety,
Upon arrival, he reported in and related the event
International, give some thought to visiting Butch’s
he dived into the formation of Japanese planes.
surrounding his return. The film from the gun-cam-
memorial displaying his statue and his Medal of
Wing-mounted 50-calibre guns blazed as he
era mounted on his plane told the tale. It showed the
Honor. It’s located between Terminals 1 and 2.
charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane
extent of Butch’s daring attempt to protect his fleet.
and then another. Butch wove in and out of the
He had, in fact, destroyed five enemy aircraft.
now broken formation and fired at as many planes
This took place on February 20, 1942, and
as possible until all his ammunition was finally
for that action Butch became the Navy’s first Ace
spent. Undaunted, he continued the assault. He
of WWII, and the first Naval Aviator to win the
fade, and today, O’Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the
courage of this great man.
So what do these two stories have to do with each other? Butch O’Hare was Easy Eddie’s son.
THE POWER POINT 35
Morality Tales
“
“My son,” the father said, “you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.” THE STORY OF THE PRODIGAL SON, LUKE 15:11-32
36 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED JANUARY 13, 2013
ON LEAVING YOUR FEET Palmam qui meruit ferat—“Let he who merits the palm, bear it.” Next to the local gymnasium, there is a billboard featuring an impeccably toned torso with the caption, “There are some things Santa can’t give you.” (I’d like
The problem with a loose ball is that you can’t send your best buddy, your nanny, or even Uncle Charlie in to get it for you. You have to leave your feet. You have
you to think that I was the featured model, but even if
to do it instinctively. And you have
you believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy, that might
to do it yourself.
be a bridge too far!)
“
What prompts a sane person to dive on an unforgiving slab of hardwood in order to grab a leather ball?
What prompts a sane person
is definitely a ‘commitment of the will’ kind of day for me.” And all I can say is that I’m glad she attended that retreat!) UCC’s motto, “Let he who merits the palm, bear it,” underlines the importance of the power of will, and it emphasizes the
The advertisement underlines a basic premise:
to dive on an unforgiving slab of hardwood in order
cause and effect, the implicit equal sign of life. If you
to grab a leather ball? It has to take more than just
task at hand, regardless of the odds or risk—to follow
want to get in top physical condition, you have to
desire, because a lot of folks would like to have the
Nike’s advice and “Just Do It!”
work at it. Good intentions just aren’t enough.
ball. No, what makes someone leave his feet is the
A few years ago, I coached a UCC basketball team, and we were chock full of talented players:
combination of passion and will. Thirty years ago, my wife and I attended a Pre-
necessity of digging deep within yourself to do the
No, life isn’t always fair. Effort doesn’t come with 100% money-back guarantee. Sometimes you’ll work hard and not attain a
we could dribble, pass, shoot, and run with the best
Cana retreat, and the only thing I can remember from
of them. The one thing that we couldn’t do, though,
the experience was this piece of advice: “Marriage
(and I confess I couldn’t figure out how to coach this)
is a decision of the mind, and a commitment of the
distance is the best way to merit the palm, and it’s
was dive for loose balls. We played hard, but we just
will.” (An aside: There have been plenty of times
the only way to grab a loose ball.
weren’t inclined to “bite the wood.”
when my wife has given me a look that suggests, “This
desired result. In general, though, effort extended through a
THE POWER POINT 37
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED JANUARY 8, 2013
WHERE DOES COMPASSION COME FROM? ARE WE ACTUALLY HARD-WIRED TO CARE FOR OTHERS?
A CHRISTMAS GIFT I had planned to talk to you this morning about
awoke and found himself sand-
Notre Dame’s winning the national championship
wiched between the two great
and thereby restoring the moral order of the universe,
animals that had laid their warm
but because of a slight change in circumstances, I’ve
bodies next to his through what
had to alter my text. Roll Tide and let the chaos reign!
would have been a fatal night.
As a belated Christmas present, a colleague gave
That was the story the boy
“
I didn’t see any defects. I saw a blueprint for perfection.
table, and respectfully ask for his wisdom. He’d nudge a man who had publicly flouted the Sabbath by praising him as the only one in the village who wasn’t a hypocrite. The rabbi’s inspiration was
me a book on how to become a more compassionate
told the search team, when he was
human being. I wasn’t entirely sure what prompted
finally rescued. But they were naturally sceptical
which means to intentionally focus on what is most
this particular gesture or how I should react to a gift
because hallucinations are often a side effect of
pure in each person—to see his or her highest and
of this nature, but I did read the book, and I hope
extreme stress. When the boy led the team back to
holiest potential.
that you will notice a profound difference in my
where he had slept, though, there in the snow, they
behaviour in the next few weeks. Two stories from the book: First, there was a news story about a boy who got lost in the Colorado woods in the dead of winter. As hypothermia set in and he began to freeze, he saw from somewhere in the middle of the swirling
the Hebrew word zechut, a word
The rabbi offered one example of this principle:
found the imprints made by two enormous beasts,
a nurse was summoned to the obstetrics ward of her
with the imprint of a small boy in between.
hospital. A Down Syndrome child had just been born,
So my question is:
and the distraught mother was threatening to kill
Where does compassion come from? Are we
herself, rather than keep the baby. When the nurse
actually hard-wired to care for others? The second story starts with an insight from the
saw the child, she immediately made a leap of faith. “I’ll take the baby home,” she announced. True to her
snow, two large elk. (For my American cousins out
great Jewish mystic, the Rabbi of Berditchev, who
word, the nurse did just that, and her daughter even-
there, you should know that elk are a very large
was known throughout the 19th century Europe
tually bloomed into a functioning adult. “I didn’t see
species of deer.)
as the “Master of the Good Eye.” It was said that
any defects,” the nurse confided. “I saw a blueprint
he could see nothing of people’s sins, only their
for perfection.”
Feebly, the boy threw stones at the elk and shouted until his voice gave way, before eventually
virtues. He’d roust the local drunk from his stupor
losing consciousness. Early the next morning, he
on the High Holy Days, seat him at the head of the
A final story; this one, not from a book, but from Laidlaw Hall. Last year during a memorial service
38 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
for Jonny Wookey, UCC ’08, his sister told us some-
rink, grabbed the two boys and
thing important about her older brother. For those
put them in the public dressing
of you who may not have known him, Jonny was just
room. I remember he actually
a terrific young man, (He was our very first sustain-
stuck a hockey stick in the door,
ability Steward, by the way) who was in his final year
so that no one could go in or out
at University of St Andrews in Scotland when he
of the room.
died as a result of an accident. During her tribute, she said, and I’m paraphras-
“
There is a blueprint for perfection in everyone. We just need to look for it.
Some time later, those two boys walked out of the room, and
First, remember the story of the elk. Compassion is deeply rooted in all of us. Second, try to emulate the “Master of the Good Eye” and know that compassion is not a gift so much as it is a path. The Good Eye is a shift of perception; it is an art
ing here, “I was overweight as a kid, and one winter’s
came over and apologized to me, while Jonny looked
that we all need to practise. There is a blueprint for
day when I was skating on a public rink, a couple of
on. When they were finished, Jonny ran back home
perfection in everyone. We just need to look for it.
boys started making fun of me. ‘Hey, get off the ice.
because, like I said, he had exams.
You’re going to break it!’ I knew Jonny was locked in his room, studying for exams, but I was so upset that I called him anyway. He stopped studying, ran right down to the
That story is a double gulper for me because it
Finally, as we start the year 2013, let’s remember Jonny Wookey and understand that there will be
says so much about Jonny, and it captures so much of
times when we are called to go beyond self-interest—
what I hope we are all striving for at UCC.
even beyond our books—to meet the moment with
So my three takeaways are:
courage and compassion.
THE POWER POINT 39
BECAUSE TECHNOLOGY CAN’T WARN US DURING SOCIAL SITUATIONS, WE HAVE TO RELY ON ONE ANOTHER.
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED SEPTEMBER 17, 2012
BE THE BEEP Today is the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah. It is
The not-so-subtle message here is that, if every-
“Those guys,” he said, pointing towards a crowd
one of the 10 high holy days of the Jewish year, and
thing worked as well as the Nissan Altima, our lives
of students standing in front of a soccer goal, “I told
traditionally this begins on Sunday evening with the
would be better.
them to stop pulling on the new nets, but they not
blowing of the shofar or ram’s horn. This sounding
Those of you who have been in the Upper School
only ignored me, they actually laughed at me.”
is supposed to wake us from our slumber, so that we
for a while know that I frequently talk about the
might be more attentive to God in our day-to-day lives.
importance of having a personal pause button, some-
thing visceral in me; I could feel my adrenalin surge
That’s a good thought for all of us to keep in mind.
thing to help us stop and think before acting. The
and my heartbeat quicken. His anger had already
I’d like to show you a commercial about a new
My colleague’s pain instantly triggered some-
Altima technology, the next generation of pause
become my own, as I began to walk towards the boys
kind of tire, tell you about something that happened
button if you will, is good, but the Nissan folks are
who had apparently shown up a colleague and friend.
on campus last week, and then try to show a link
on to something in suggesting that there is a need for
Had I been instantly beside those boys, I might have
between them.
these gizmos that goes far beyond your wheelbase.
said something I would later regret. But I was lucky.
First, the commercial: You may have seen the 30-second promo for the Nissan Altima, a tire that
Which leads me to last Monday:
I had to walk across the field, and that 40-yard stroll
It was a beautiful early autumn afternoon, and
gave me the time I needed to collect my wits.
actually beeps when it is fully inflated. This new
I found myself on one of the benches out in front
technology makes it almost impossible for you to
of the Upper School during lunchtime, watching a
the students in question had already begun to slowly
make a bad decision, at least as far as your wheels
familiar scene. Middle year boys on the Prep Field
disappear into the crowds that were milling about
are concerned.
and Upper School students on the turf formed an
the field. A handful of more courageous students,
apparently happy and fluid water-coloured collage
though, stood their ground, and when I reached them,
of soccer, baseball, football, fort, and Frisbee. I was
they seemed to know what was coming next.
This is one of those “Joe Everyman” commercials, so watch closely as our anonymous protagonist, a Willy Loman of wheels if you will, makes—or almost makes—
thinking that Norman Rockwell could do something
bad decisions at work, in the bathroom, at the poker
wonderful with this scene, when one of my col-
As I walked down the hill, I noticed that some of
Like I said, I was lucky. That short walk gave me the chance to hit my pause button, but I had to hit it several
table, and even out on a date. In each instance, he is
leagues, a long-serving member of our buildings and
times because I was so deeply disturbed by what I had
miraculously saved from himself by a beep.
grounds team, approached me with fire in his eyes.
just heard. It was only days later, as I tried to think
40 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
through all this in preparation for this morning’s chat
the tire commercial to what happened on the turf. A
to say just one word. That might have been enough
with you, that I finally understood why my response to
couple of guys made a very bad decision out by that
to prevent a very ugly incident from taking place. In
this was so strong. While I was right to be disturbed by
goal post. They did so impulsively. We can debate
those kinds of social situations, an Altima is useless.
what had happened, my emotional response to it was
their intentions but not the results.
You are not.
probably disproportionate to the offence. Let me explain why. I have spent my life in and
While I in no way see the action of a couple of boys as representing the actions of the student body as a
So my two takeaways for today are: First, keep your pause button handy, especially when
about schools, but my very first memory of school
whole, what they did still troubles me, and I hope this
you feel yourself becoming emotional. If you can’t find
involved my grandfather’s taking me to his place of
bothers you, too, because we all know that this kind of
that button, take a walk. That can do the trick, too.
work, the Ardmore Avenue Public School. I was four
thing would not have happened had these boys been
or five years old at the time, but I still remember how
addressed by someone with an office or a title. I don’t
you will need to stand up and step in. When you find
nice the elementary schools students were to my
think Dr. Churchward or Dr. Kinnear would have
yourself in a social situation where things are head-
grandfather. I still remember being startled when the
experienced what my colleague on the buildings and
ing south, or turning ugly, you can’t just walk away or
boys and girls greeted him as “Mr. Woods” because I
grounds department had to endure last week.
hide in the crowd or rationalize your own passivity.
had never thought of my “Granddad” as ever having
All of this came about for two reasons: First, the
any other name. But those boys and girls were kind
individuals who showed a lack of respect for a staff
and courteous and respectful of Mr. Woods, the jani-
member acted on a whim, and their instant response
tor at the Ardmore Avenue School.
revealed a very disturbing and very ugly worldview,
Anyway, thanks to that walk, I managed to calm myself down enough to have a reasonably coherent
one where social status determines respect. The second lapse, though, has to do with the wider
Second, understand that there will be times when
If we really never walk alone, we owe it to one another to be there for one another. Sometimes that will require us to stick our neck out. Remember, you don’t have to deliver a state of the union speech. Sometimes just a quick, “Knock it off” or “My friend didn’t really meant that” or even a
conversation with the boys in question. They quickly
group. There was no beep to be heard on the turf last
simple “Yo!” will do. If the vocabulary evades us in
grasped the severity of the situation and recognized
Monday. Because technology can’t warn us during
the moment and all else fails, we can remember that
their need to make amends.
social situations, we have to rely on one another.
goofy tire commercial.
I hope you can see the dotted line connecting
Last Monday we needed just one boy to step up
Better yet, we can go Gandhi and “Be the Beep.”
THE POWER POINT 41
TEACHERS ARE OUR CULTURE’S LAST AND BEST IDEALISTS. YOUR SUCCESS IS ULTIMATELY THEIR SUCCESS, TOO.
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED JANUARY 28, 2011
THE WRITE- OFF This morning I’d like to tell you a story that Mr. McKay sent to me. On one level, it’s a piece of fiction
around to reviewing his file, she was in for a surprise. Teddy’s first Grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is a
about a student and a teacher. On another it’s about
bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work
all of us. Let me warn you that it is a bit sentimental,
neatly and has good manners. He is a joy to be around!”
but I hope you’ll indulge me with this. As she stood in front of her Grade 5 class on the
His second grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is an
other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one quarter full of perfume. But she stifled the children’s laughter when she explained how pretty the bracelet was, put-
excellent student, well-liked by his classmates, but
ting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her
very first day of school, Mrs. Thompson told the
he is troubled because his mother has a terminal ill-
wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day
children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked
ness, and life at home must be a struggle.”
just long enough to say, “Mrs. Thompson, today you
at her students and said that she loved them all the
His third grade teacher wrote, “His mother’s death
smelled just like my mom used to.”
same. However, that was impossible, because there
has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his
After the children left, Mrs. Thompson cried.
in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy
father doesn’t show much interest, and his home life
From that day on, she paid particular attention
named Teddy Stoddard.
will soon affect him if some steps aren’t taken.”
Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year
His fourth grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is withdrawn
to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the
before and noticed that he did not play well with the
and doesn’t show much interest in school. He doesn’t
faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy
other children; she remembered that his clothes were
have many friends, and he sometimes sleeps in class.”
had become one of the top students in the class and
messy, and that he often needed a bath. In addition,
By now Mrs. Thompson realized the problem,
Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where
and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse
Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in mark-
when her students gave her Christmas presents. All
ing his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X’s
the presents were wrapped in beautiful ribbons and
before putting a big F at the top of his papers.
bright paper, except for Teddy’s.
At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she
His present was clumsily wrapped in a heavy,
despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, he had became a favourite. Six years went by before she got a note from Teddy. He wrote that he had finished high school third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he had ever had. Four years after that, she got another letter, saying
was required to review each child’s past records, and
brown paper that he got from a grocery bag. Mrs.
that while things had been tough at times, he’d stayed
she put Teddy’s off until last. When she finally got
Thompson took pains to open his in the middle of the
in school, and would soon graduate from college with
42 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
highest honours. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she
I’ve never met a teacher who didn’t want a student
was still the best teacher he had ever had.
to succeed, and I’ve never known a teacher who took
sonal standards? Do we pigeon hole others if they care
delight in giving a student an F. Teachers are our
too much about the violin or too little about cricket?
Four years later and another letter arrived. This
Don’t we write off guys who don’t meet our own per-
time he explained that after he got his bachelor’s degree,
culture’s last and best idealists. They are drawn to
Teddy had decided to go further. The letter explained
their life’s work, not because they see it as a get-rich
quickly to mind. Last year, on a particularly busy day,
that she was still the best teacher he ever had, and the
scheme. (It’s not.) They do what they do because
I was supposed to coach a basketball game, and I was
letter was signed, “Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.”
they believe that what’s most important is helping
running late when I realized I hadn’t asked anyone to
someone else reach his potential. Your success is
run the clock. When I got to the gym, I saw one student
ultimately their success, too.
sitting there, and asked him if he could help out. He
The story does not end there. There was another letter that spring in which Teddy said he was going to be
I know I’ve committed this sin. One example jumps
married. He said that his father had passed away a few
Second, it is way too easy to look at this story
paused for a moment and then asked, “Will I get a CAS
years earlier, and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson
from Teddy’s point of view. You may be nodding your
(service) hour for doing it?” It’s not a bad question, but
might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was
head in agreement and thinking, “Yes. I have suffered.
it hit me at just the wrong time in just the wrong spot, so
usually reserved for the mother of the groom.
Yes, I, have been misunderstood, and yes, I have bad
I confess my instinct was to write the guy off. (I found
Mrs. Thompson attended that wedding, and she
hygiene.” (Ok, maybe you aren’t thinking about your
myself wondering: If I asked him for a cup of coffee,
wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones
hygiene.) But if you are asking the question, “Where
would he ask for a CAS minute?)
missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing
was my Mrs. Thompson when I needed her?” then
the perfume that Teddy had given her when he was
the challenge is to look at the story from the perspec-
ten years old. It was the perfume his mother wore on
tive of the teacher.
their last Christmas together.
Finally, Mrs. Thompson was guilty of some-
Ok. I told you it was a sentimental story.
thing we have all done: she wrote someone off. She
But I offer three unsentimental reflections:
assumed that the kid who needed a bath was not her
First, while I was moved by the story, I don’t buy the initial description of Mrs. Thompson because
I mention my own shortcoming because we don’t always have what Mrs. Thompson had, which was the benefit of hindsight. She could read those reports and gain a deeper understanding of Teddy Stoddard. We don’t have that luxury, but we do have the opportunity to give folks a second chance. That’s
kind of student. It was a mistake, but aren’t we all
something all of us—even those of who occasionally
guilty of doing the same thing from time to time?
chase CAS hours—deserve.
THE POWER POINT 43
ARE THERE INSTANCES WHEN WE FAIL TO RECOGNIZE THE PLIGHT OF THE OTHER GUY? ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED OCTOBER 4, 2010
TYLER CLEMENTI, RIP When I was a high school student searching for a
The root cause, of course, is that even though those
is some basic recognition of the other guy. A sense of
theme for an English paper—when I was really, really
doctors were well educated from the ears up, they
compassion. A sense of decency.
desperate—there were always two safe bets. One was
were sorely lacking in heart, compassion, and soul.
the classic: “love/hate relationship”—a bland chest-
The second example is a bit closer to us in time
It’s been said that there really is no such thing as an original sin—that it’s the same sin we keep
nut that could be applied poorly to any character, in
and space. Last week, a first-year student at Rutgers
any setting, with any conflict, for any reason—with
University, the state university of New Jersey, thought
failure to recognize the humanity of those who are
innocuous results, of course. And the other was the
it would be funny to set up a hidden camera in his
different from us. What’s particularly galling about
equally insipid topic of “man’s inhumanity to man.”
dormitory room in order to catch and then display his
these two cases is that in both the victims were
Two examples of the latter jumped out of the
roommate’s private moments. His roommate, after all,
already marginalized. Life as a Guatemalan prisoner
newspapers and practically dope-slapped me this
was gay and wouldn’t it be hilarious to expose him via
or as a mental detainee in the 1940s would not have
week, and I’d like to talk about them this morning.
the Internet? When Tyler Clementi, the victim in all
been like life as it is lived in 90210. And being a gay
of this, realized that his private life had become public,
first-year college student, trying to sort through all
he decided to commit suicide. He was 19.
of the challenges of adolescent life in North Jersey is
First, the United States recently apologized to Guatemala because we discovered that in the 1940s, American doctors deliberately infected Guatemalan prisoners and mental institution inmates with sexually transmitted diseases as part of a medical study.
The issue here isn’t only about Tyler’s orientation,
committing over and over again. And that sin is the
not a game for the weak of heart either.
because a violation of anyone’s privacy is clearly and
This morning as we sit here in Laidlaw Hall, it’s
utterly wrong. But we can’t ignore the fact that some
easy enough for us to distance ourselves from those
gay adolescents are extraordinarily vulnerable; they
mad medical doctors and that particularly heartless
the ultimate triumph of the left over the right brain.
are, for example, four times more likely to commit
Rutgers student. But I wonder, if there are times
And remember, too: not just any bozo can prance into
suicide than their peers.
when we, too, suffer from the same disease? Are there
Think about that for just a second. This has to be
medical school. While these professionals are often
Sociologists now wonder if the new social media
considered the best and brightest, you don’t need to
may be making us more callous, but I think these
be a regular at the annual Mensa picnic to instantly
modern tools only serve to expose what is already
realize what a monstrously evil experiment this was.
there. Or in this case, expose what is not there, which
moments when we also come up short, instances when we fail to recognize the plight of the other guy? Let me give you just one recent example of inhumanity from right here at UCC. A while back I
44 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ARISTOTLE SAID, “WE LEARN COURAGE BY DOING COURAGEOUS THINGS.”
learned that a classmate was picking on a first-year
(not the victim’s real name, by the way) is one of my
student here. Before pulling the aggressor into my
friends. I chirp him sure, but we all do, and I can tell it’s
office, I tried to use my personal “pause button”
OK. He’s good with it. He even laughs sometimes.”
because, if there is one thing that absolutely drives me nuts, it’s bullying. I cannot stand it when those with some sense of power abuse the smaller, weaker, or more vulnerable. I deliberately began the conversation in a calm and measured voice with the question: “Do you know why I want to talk to you?” He nodded his head slowly, and he looked at the floor before starting to cry. “Power,” I thought, “you’ve done it once more. Your deft touch, your sensitivity, your incredible EQ— you’ve done your magic yet again. The legend grows.” But then he started to talk, and the magic disappeared. “I know why you want to see me, “ he blubbered. “It’s about yesterday’s English test!” As he sniffled, a very small part of me was flattered that this young scholar thought I was so on top of my game that I was tracking the daily 8th Grade marks the way a Goldman Sachs guy might follow the stock market. When I explained the real reason for our meeting, the student stared at me in apparent disbelief. “But Biff
I offer three takeaways this morning: 1. We aren’t always able to read or understand others all that well. We need to work on that. The Year 1 kid who laughs when he’s being picked on does so—not because he thinks something is funny—but because that’s the only way he can cope with the situation. We have to understand and be able to put ourselves in the shoes of “the other”—whether the other is a classmate, a roommate, someone from another part of town, or someone from another country. We need to be especially tuned into this if the other person is in any way less powerful or less comfortable than we are. 2. If you are ever a victim, it’s important to know that you are not alone. There are people here who want to help. You should know that you could approach any of your teachers, coaches, advisors, professionals in the Health Centre, or administrators. I hope you know you can turn to any of them for any help at any time.
3. Once we understand what’s going on, it’s not enough to say, “Tsk. Tsk. Isn’t that terrible?” We have to be willing to step up to meet the moment. That requires courage. Aristotle said, “We learn courage by doing courageous things.” It’s not about reading a book or conducting a lab experiment or thinking a particularly lofty thought. It’s about sticking your neck out, and that is a hard, hard thing to do, especially at your age. But it’s worth it. If even one doctor or if even a single Rutgers student had pushed back, the world would be a better place. Last Thursday morning when a young Old Boy, now a university rower, went out to the water for training, he learned that practice had been cancelled. Tyler Clementi’s body was there on the dock, and suddenly rowing, not even Ivy League rowing, seemed all that important. What is important, though, is that we learn to be there for one another. Because if the “band of brothers” we now enjoy signifies anything, it has to mean we look out for those who sometimes feel left out.
THE POWER POINT 45
Male Models
“
No man will make a good leader who wants to do it all himself or get all the credit for doing it. ANDREW CARNEGIE
46 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED AUGUST 26, 2012
TWO ARMSTRONGS Because of Lance Armstrong’s decision to stop con-
modern man, Lance has been
testing drug doping allegations this week, just days
media savvy in embracing the cult
before Neil Armstrong’s death, I was convinced
of celebrity.
that somewhere in today’s papers, there would be at
Today, though, even his
least one headline with something like, “A Tale
staunchest defenders can only
of Two Armstrongs.”
say that Lance’s modus operandi
If each man reflected the values of his age, we
“
Remember: There is no “I” in NASA.
is what it takes if you want to raise half a billion
years from now, who will be more widely known, Christopher Columbus or Neil Armstrong?” After doing what no man had ever done, and after sharing the glory with all of his colleagues
(Remember: There is no “I” in NASA.) he remained
can only conclude that we are not exactly basking
dollars for cancer research. While we all applaud
a modest Midwesterner, spending his post-space
in an age of moral and ethical progress. Lance,
Lance for the courage he showed in facing his ill-
career teaching at the University of Cincinnati.
who still has not admitted that he broke any rules,
ness and in helping others face theirs, none of us
I was surprised by how moved I was yesterday,
won seven Tour de France titles but may be just
could endorse his “ends justify the means” argu-
when I learned of Neil Armstrong’s passing. It felt
as well known for beating cancer and starting the
ment. It just doesn’t stand the test of time, with or
like I had lost an uncle. For all that he accomplished,
Livestrong phenomenon. If you’ve ever sported a
without the rubber bands.
he never tried to cash in on a cable channel, and I
By contrast, Neil Armstrong, who was 82 when
don’t recall reading about him in People magazine.
he died, needs no apologists. He was, by all accounts,
Neil followed Harry Truman’s example and left the
As a product of his and our times, Lance appar-
a good, decent and humble man who went out of his
spotlight in order to lead a good and ordinary life.
ently bent the rules of cycling, a sport which seems to
way to downplay what he had accomplished. “I am,
yellow rubber band, you can thank Lance for your fashion statement.
I do wonder, though, about who will be the Neil
invite bad behaviour. (During the Tour, for example,
and ever will be, a white socks, nerdy engineer.” Still,
Armstrong for the youngsters of today? And will they
officials are required to check the leaders each day
Armstrong did something so incredibly profound
ever find him on Real Housewives of New Jersey?
because rule breaking is so pervasive.) A thoroughly
that you can actually raise the question, “A thousand
THE POWER POINT 47
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED MAY 19, 2009
A LESSON IN LIFE I offer two loose threads from my psychic sock drawer this morning. First, with graduation staring us in the face later
Second, a colleague who noticed my poster of Mahatma Gandhi, the great advocate of
this week, the IB2s will soon pick up their yearbooks.
non-violent civil disobedience,
When they look back on their final year of high
gave me this story. I’m passing it
school in 25 or even 50 years, I wonder just what will
on to you today because while we
they remember about the year 2009?
talk about “compassion, integrity,
My hunch is they will recall two things: Barak
and innovation” in our mission,
Obama becoming President of the United States and
it’s rare to come across all three
the economic meltdown.
virtues in one short narrative.
The first is about optimism and idealism and the fulfilment of a promise. The second is about selfishness or short-sightedness and the deleteri-
“
When the IB2s look back on their final year of high school in 25 or even 50 years, I wonder just what will they remember about the year 2009?
Dr. Arun Gandhi, Gandhi’s grandson, recently said: “When I was 16 years old, I lived with my parents
After hurriedly completing my chores, I went straight to the nearest movie theatre, and got so engrossed in a John Wayne double feature that I forgot the time. It was 5:30 before I remembered my deadline, and by the time I finally got to where my father was waiting for me, it was almost 6:00 pm. ‘Why were you so late?’ he asked me. I was
so ashamed of telling him I was watching a John Wayne movie that I said, ‘The car wasn’t ready, so I
ous impact both have had. It is the best impulses of
18 miles outside of Durban, South Africa, deep in a
had to wait,’ not realizing that he had already called
democracy competing against the dark side of cap-
remote part of the country where we had no neigh-
the garage.
italism, and it will be interesting to see how these
bours. One day my father asked me to drive him to
two movements, the ying and yang of 2009, will play
town, and I jumped at the chance. Since I was going
(A quick side bar: How would your father handle something like this? Better yet, how would you
out in the future. (By the way, if you pushed me for
to town, my mother gave me a list of groceries she
respond if someone had lied to you like this, and left
a Third World event from this past year, it might
needed, and because I had all day in town, my father
you waiting for an hour?)
be the Phillies’ winning the World Series, thereby
asked me to get the car serviced. When I dropped my
restoring the moral order of the universe, but you
father off that morning, he said, ‘I will meet you here
way I brought you up that didn’t give you the confi-
probably have that on your list, too.)
at 5 pm, and we will go home together.’
dence to tell the truth. In order to figure out where
The father said, “There is something wrong in the
48 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
I went wrong with you, I’m going to walk home 18
whether I would have learned
miles and think about it.’
a lesson at all. I don’t think so. I
So, dressed in his suit and dress shoes, he began to walk home in the dark on mostly unpaved, unlit
would have suffered the punishment and gone on doing the same
roads. I couldn’t leave him, so for five-and-a-half
thing. But this single non-violent
hours, I drove behind him, watching my father go
action was so powerful that it is
through this agony for a stupid lie that I had uttered.
still as if it happened yesterday.”
I decided then and there that I was never going to
“
But this single nonviolent action was so powerful that it is still as if it happened yesterday.
The father’s response to his
consequence I’d consider when dealing with a son’s lie, but there is something about the dad’s depth of understanding, about his inclination to look first at himself as a possible cause of the problem, and about his willingness to suffer for the wrong of another that makes
lie again. I often think about that episode and wonder,
son’s lie caught me off guard. I confess that taking a
me think that Arun’s father may have been, in his own
if he had punished me the way we punish our children,
five-hour walk through the night might not be the first
quiet way, as extraordinary as his grandfather.
THE POWER POINT 49
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED APRIL 28, 2009
A MAN FOR OTHERS From a busy weekend with lots of activity on campus,
talk’ becomes quickly offensive
two things stand out: First was the rugby team’s come-
and/or degenerates into mockery.
from-3 tries-down victory over a talented Crescent
(I noticed that your friend Coach K
squad on Saturday, and the other was the sensational
doesn’t seem to try to suppress the
performance Friday night by the Jazz Ensemble.
Duke Crazies, since their taunting
Congratulations to both groups.
is definitely a home court advan-
I occasionally get emails in response to my
tage.) So does one try to guide boys
Monday morning rants, and I want to share three
away from the trash talk or implore
notes this morning.
them to do it with kindness? Tough call.”
First, in response to a recent chat about chirping, I received this: “While I liked your piece, I’m not finished think-
“
Barbie was a career woman long before working outside the home was a social norm.
An Old Boy on the same subject writes: “Your
school. The word “gutless” comes quickly to mind… Hope to see you this summer. Love, Mom.” I guess that’s an example of tough love. Anyway… Having recently celebrated my 50th birthday, I was somewhat surprised to learn that Barbie also
hit the half-century mark this spring. Clearly, she has weathered the slings and arrows of outrageous
words hit home to me because UCC was actually
fortune far better than I have! This milestone in
tough for me in many ways, and that made me
the life of the world’s most popular doll has sparked
ing about the topic. Light-hearted ‘trash-talk’ on the
tougher. Many of my major shortcomings, I think,
some interesting debates. Mattel Inc., which origi-
court or the fairways is something all guys do and
arise from my reaction to the tough environment I
nally modeled Barbie after the German comic book
most guys enjoy. Don’t you? For one thing, it raises
found at UCC. Chirping existed in the 80s!”
character, Lilly, designed Barbie to promote “femi-
the stakes of the game—makes a game more than a
And finally, in response to the story about
nist” values; that is, Barbie was a career woman long
game. For another thing, the psychological benefit
the Head Steward who lost his position and his
before working outside the home was a social norm.
is practising and honing your wit (think Cyrano de
university placement because of that impulsive,
Bergerac) and demonstrating that old adage about ‘rapier-like wit’—that the word is more powerful
go-with-the-crowd decision, I received this note: “I liked your story a lot. But you make it sound like
Barbie’s fans believe that this iconic toy teaches young girls that they can be whatever they want to be. (Oprah might say, “You go, girl!”) Her critics, on
that the sword. It allows for some give and take that
you would have done something different—like you
the other hand, believe Barbie is really all about body
trains one for the more serious give and take of life.
would have been some sort of Superman and stood
image, perfectionism, and paraphernalia. (“Sure,
The problem is that without boundaries the ‘trash
up to the crowd. You forget. I knew you in high
you can be whatever you want to be—as long as you
50 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
maintain your impossibly perfect proportions!”)
message doesn’t ring true, even as
Is Barbie cool, independent, and smart? Or is she
we are bombarded with commer-
obsessed with her sculpted plastic figure and quietly
cials that suggest we’ll be happy if
neurotic about food? And how many pairs of shoes
only our abs are their tightest, our
does one doll, even a Teutonic goddess, really need?
teeth are their whitest, and our
Questions about gender issues are not restricted to toys—or to girls. Some of you may remember when former NFL star Joe Ehrmann came to UCC
underarms are their driest. Ehrmann challenges us not only to avoid these myths but to
last year to speak to us about what he calls, “The
become, what he calls, Men for
Three Myths of Masculinity.”
Others. In a world where there
First, starting in primary school, there is an exag-
“
Joe asks us to look at our own lives, to look beneath the shallow surface of grades, money, and physical appearance to see what really matters.
is so much focus on materialism,
There are just two fundamental truths found in the hospital waiting room: the first is that absolutely everything is about relationships. I think you can see this truth clearly in schools like ours: it’s the relationships you have with your friends and teachers, coaches, directors, and advisors that shape you. They make the weather for you. In later life, the relationship
gerated importance attached to athletics. “You can
hedonism, and perhaps even careerism, Joe asks us
questions will be about the kind of husband, father,
see boys as young as eight marginalizing their less
to look at our own lives, to look beneath the shallow
or friend you will be, and what can be more import-
athletic peers.”
surface of grades, money, and physical appearance to
ant than your answer to those questions?
Second, starting in adolescence, there is the tendency to objectify women. (See Barbie’s critics for details.) Third, in adulthood there is the tendency to overvalue financial success as a barometer of manhood.
see what really matters. Ehrmann believes that, if you really want to find
The second truth of the waiting room is what Ehrmann called “the transcendent cause.” Every
truth, all you need to do is go to a hospital waiting
one of us needs a life task, something bigger than
room. That’s one place where you find out what’s
ourselves, something that we can dedicate ourselves
(Given the volatile nature of today’s economy, this
really important. If you have ever spent any time in
to. Life has to be about more than a paycheque; it
leaves all of us a bit vulnerable.)
a waiting room, you know that nobody there is ever
must be more than just a celebration of nerve end-
Contemporary culture wants us to believe in the
saying to himself, “Oh, if only I had spent a little
holy trinity of appearance, money, and athleticism.
more time on the bow-flex machine, then things
But something in our collective gut tells us that this
would have been OK.”
ings. Part of this flows from a fundamental notion of “making a difference.” Each one of us has a deep felt need to have some sort of impact. I don’t think that,
THE POWER POINT 51
EVERY ONE OF US NEEDS A LIFE TASK, SOMETHING BIGGER THAN OURSELVES, SOMETHING THAT WE CAN DEDICATE OURSELVES TO.
on our death bed, it will be enough for us to say to ourselves that our stock portfolio went up 3.65%. As
objectifying women, or by financial standing. Second, remember the two truths of the waiting
a Scottish woman who would not be described as glamorous. She participated recently in the Britain’s
important as professional or financial success is, that
room: about relationships and about finding your
Got Talent TV show. And I’d like to end today by
won’t answer that deep-in-the gut need to both make
life task.
showing you the first four minutes of that clip. While
sense of things and to feel you have made some sort of contribution. So, my three takeaways for today are these: First, don’t buy into the three myths of masculinity: manhood isn’t defined by athletic ability, by
And third, if you take care of one and two, you will
at first blush you may be tempted to condemn Simon
become, what Ehrmann calls, “A Man for Others.”
Cowell and the other sceptics in the London audi-
Which brings me back to Barbie.
ence, the more you see this piece, the more you’ll
Many of you have already seen the Susan Boyle YouTube video. But in case you haven’t, Susan is
realize that we are all guilty of buying into what Joe Ehrmann might call, “The Myth of Womanhood.”
52 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
Character, not Manners, Maketh the Man
“
Overcome the notion that you must be regular. It robs you of the chance to be extraordinary. UTA HAGAN
THE POWER POINT 53
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED MAY 7, 2012
THE THREE SCARIEST WORDS Last week two boys got into a scuffle right here at
What comes to mind when
school. Because I have spent most of my adult life in
you hear, “Be a man”? For most of
boys’ schools, I have seen this scene before: A small
us, those words may be a distant
group of early adolescent boys, their friends, formed
memory of an adult; perhaps it was
a circle and looked on as the two combatants went
a dad, telling us not to cry, to suck
at it. A minute later, a teacher showed up, and all the
it up, and to avoid even the tempta-
boys ran away.
tion to express emotion, especially
I want to come back to this scene in a minute. Two weeks ago, I talked to you about Macbeth’s
“
“Be a man” is almost always a warning for us to separate our head from our hearts.
if that emotion is connected in any way to weakness. For others “Be a man” may be a warning. If you
someone might someday threaten to take away your “man card.” “Be a man” is almost always a warning for us to separate our head from our hearts. It may have its roots in stoicism. Remember the Spartans? They
never played for the tie; when Spartan soldiers went off to battle, the advice they received from their
revealing line, “Let’s quickly put on manly readiness,”
are an aficionado of Budweiser ads, you’ll know
mothers was this: “Come back with your shield or
and tried to make the point that Macbeth makes a
that “Be a man’s” hipper linguistic cousin, “Man
on it.” (Do you wonder if there was ever a wise-guy
crucial mistake in believing that masculinity is some-
Up!”—which is always voiced by someone with a
Spartan who replied, “Thanks, Mom! Really appre-
thing extrinsic, something from the outside that we
remarkably deep baritone—means to not only avoid
ciate your support!”)
literally put on ourselves.
purchasing the wrong kind of beer, but it is a com-
An aside: It is said that Spartan mothers publicly
mand to coolness. Because you never want to be that
rejoiced when their sons died in battle. It meant that
NFL star Joe Ehrmann, whom Parade Magazine
guy. That guy is the dude with the wrong clothes, the
a son had achieved the ultimate prize, and honour-
has called “the most important coach in America,”
wrong haircut, the wrong phone, the wrong com-
able death. (This was at a time before acceptance to
address the same issue, and he began his talk on
puter, the wrong car, or the wrong beverage. Having
Queen’s Commerce or Yale meant almost the same
Redefining Masculinity by saying that the three
the wrong anything can ruin us because, and this is
thing.) If a Spartan warrior managed to survive a
Last week I was fortunate enough to hear former
scariest words in the dictionary are, “Be a man.”
as subtle as a sledgehammer, our “stuff” defines us.
battle, however, and returned without his shield, he
That’s what I’d like to focus on for a few minutes
If “Man Up!” means anything, it is a command to
was shamed because the shield was more than just a
this morning.
conform. And rest assured, if you don’t measure up,
piece of equipment; it was a symbol of protection for
54 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
the community. Your helmet protects you, the war-
While the mass culture is selling us all a distorted
rior. Your shield protects the rest of us. Given the size
view of who we are, Joe Ehrmann offers something
and weight of a Spartan shield, it was assumed that
of an antidote. He believes that manhood is about
anyone who had returned empty handed must surely
two things:
have run from the battlefield.
First, life is all about relationships. In the end,
This brings me back to last week’s fight. I don’t want to berate those guys who fled the scene. I have been there in the circle myself, but I have to acknowledge that the boys made two mistakes. Initially, of course, someone should have
When I was talking to you about Macbeth and
what is important is: “Whom did I care for? Was I
intervened and prevented the conflict from escalat-
manhood, I showed you a clip from Jean Kilbourne’s
a good son or good brother? Was I a good spouse,
ing. And it goes without saying that no one, no one
Killing Us Softly, a documentary that shows how
partner, or father?” The essence of who we are is our
should have run away when the teacher showed up.
the media manipulates and objectifies women. (I do
heart, our sense of compassion.
The Spartan in all of us shudders at the thought!
appreciate, by the way, your respectful response to Kilbourne’s film.) I think, though, that we could do our own
Second, we all need a cause. We need to know that we made some sort of difference, that somehow the world was a better place because we were in it. What
At the same time, I don’t want to condemn anyone because I know the fight-or-flight instinct from firsthand experience. I am sure I’ve deserved to have my
documentary, one that shows how males are also vic-
we want most of all, what we yearn for is a transcen-
timized by mass culture. We, too, are put in our place
dent cause, something that requires commitment. For
because there have been too many instances when I
and told what we are supposed to look like, smell
instance, when we saw poverty, sexism, homophobia
myself have gone “Gumby.” (There is a reason I keep a
like, and act like. If you watch TV, you would get the
or any kind of wrongdoing, we demanded justice. We
picture of “The Cowardly Lion” on my office door!)
distinct impression that most males are beer-swilling,
got involved. We stepped into the fray.
sports-obsessed, emotionally stunted, girl-chasing, video-game-addicted knuckleheads who cannot
If you buy Ehrmann’s argument, and I do, that
“man card” suspended if not permanently revoked
So my takeaway for today is for myself as well as for you, and it is this: if we recognize that life is about
manhood is about relationships and a cause that is
relationships and cause, then it means that each of us
think beyond the next Bow-Flex-induced Just for
bigger than ourselves, then how should we lead lives
is required to follow Ehrmann’s advice. We need to
Men, “Get Back in the Game,” truck commercial.
that reflect this understanding?
show up, to stand up, and to speak up.
THE POWER POINT 55
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED MAY 13, 2011
STUPID THINGS I HAVE SAID… Whenever I think of really stupid things I’ve said, two
get in this class?” (It is, by the
examples come quickly to mind.
way, a look I’ve seen a number
First, when I was a 24-year-old teacher in my first year at a new independent school, I suggested— in the middle of a heated faculty meeting—that we form a union. Do I need to tell you that the Headmistress
of times during my 28 years of wedded bliss.) Anyway, “stupid things I have said” is a category that came to mind when I stumbled across William
(yes, that was the term then in vogue) was less than
Deresiewicz’ piece in today’s Wall
pleased with my suggestion or that the rest of my
Street Journal. I wonder if this essay
colleagues greeted the idea with stony silence? In
should be required reading in all
hindsight, I chalk my impulsive outburst up to having
boys schools?
watched On the Waterfront one too many times. Even Marlon Brando, though, might have given me the cold shoulder after that. A few year earlier, I was an English major taking my first seminar style class (on Jane Austen) when the professor started our first class by asking the only male in the class what I thought of Emma. I had found it profoundly tedious, and blurted out, “The author was a woman who wrote about women for women.” I fancied this a rather insightful comment, but when I looked around the room, the other faces almost screamed, “How did this knucklehead ever
“
Like so many guys, I thought a good conversation meant holding forth about all the supposedly important things I knew: books, history, politics.
HOW JANE AUSTEN TAUGHT ME TO BE A MAN
By William Deresciewicz I was 26 when I read my first Jane Austen novel, Emma, the story of a spoiled young lady in Regency England who fancies herself a matchmaker. A graduate student at the time, I was as arrogant as they come and didn’t think there was much anyone could teach me about life—especially not Jane Austen, the godmother of chick-lit. Imagine my surprise when she taught me not just how to grow up, but how to be a man.
Like so many guys, I thought a good conversation meant holding forth about all the supposedly important things I knew: books, history, politics. But I wasn’t just aggressively sure of myself. I was also oblivious to the feelings of the people around me, a bulldozer stuck in overdrive. In fact, I was a lot like Emma, the heroine of that first Austen novel I read—was forced to read, actually, because I thought her
fiction sounded trivial and boring. Many of the characters in the book were indeed trivial and boring; their banal conversations droned on and on. Mr. Woodhouse, Miss Bates—the dull old man, the scatterbrained neighbour—these were the kinds of people I tuned out in real life. The funny thing was, the heroine agreed with me. If I was bored with the world of the novel, so was she. But then everything shifted. Emma discovered how much she had to learn by paying attention to the
56 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
people around her, and so, through her, did I. Once
education came, however, when I
I really started seeing them, the people in my life
noticed how she dealt with it.
acquired the depth and richness of literary characters; their stories, the fascination of a novel. Above all, I started paying attention to what those
Like Elizabeth, I always had a response when someone called me out on something careless or
“
Real men were not afraid to admit that they still had things to learn—even from a woman.
shortcomings, and so our egos must be broken down. “Humiliation,” after all, comes from “humility.” It humbles us, makes us properly humble.
people might be feeling in relation to me. Surprise,
callous I had done. I would scurry
surprise, I really hurt them—a lot. If you’re oblivious
around like a beaver, shoring
to other people, chances are that’s just what’s going
up the walls of my self-esteem:
to happen. I knew now that if I was ever going to have
“Who, me?” “No, you must be wrong.” “That’s not
Growing up, I had learned to equate being educated
any real friends—or I should say, any real friendships
what I meant.” “Problem? What problem?”
with knowing things, knowing facts. And the purpose
with my friends—I’d have to learn to stop being a defensive, reactive, self-enclosed jerk.
But Elizabeth did something different. She was
I had come to graduate school with a very different idea about what it means to get an education.
of knowing things, in a strangely circular way, was
strong. She was brave. She was just what men are
simply to “be” educated, to be able to pride yourself
meant to be. She acknowledged her flaws, and no
on being a “man of culture” (and feel superior to
years later, to find out how. Here was another Austen
matter how much it hurt, she owned up to them:
those who weren’t).
heroine who seemed a lot like me, except instead
“How despicably I have acted!” she cried. “I, who
of being an arrogant snob, Elizabeth Bennett was
have prided myself on my discernment! I, who have
the formula. But now I was learning a new idea—about
brilliant and witty and fun. I eagerly identified with
valued myself on my abilities! How humiliating is
education, but also about being a man. You didn’t have
her and took her side in every argument. About half-
this discovery! Yet, how just a humiliation!”
to be certain, Austen taught me, to be strong, and you
It took me reading Pride and Prejudice, a couple of
way through the novel, I fell into Austen’s well-laid
Humiliation, I realized, was exactly what I
Knowledge, culture, and ego; that was pretty much
didn’t have to dominate people to earn their respect.
trap. Elizabeth, it turned out, was completely wrong
needed, too. Our egos, Austen was teaching me,
Real men were not afraid to admit that they still had
about everything—which meant that I was, too. My
prevent us from owning up to our many errors and
things to learn—even from a woman.
THE POWER POINT 57
THAT WILLINGNESS TO DO THE “HARD, RIGHT THING” IS WHAT SEPARATES LEADERS FROM THE WELL INTENTIONED.
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FEBRUARY 17, 2011
A VIEW FROM THE ARENA At last night’s Founders Dinner, the former Prime
Mr. Mulroney mentioned that U.S. President
credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,
Minister, Brian Mulroney, talked about the many
Gerald Ford admitted that he knew, even before he
whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;
challenges of leadership. According to the Prime
did it, that pardoning Richard Nixon would cost him
who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short
Minister, today’s political leaders are too often driven
the presidency. But Ford did this because he was
again and again, because there is no effort without
by popularity polls and short-term victories, and he
convinced it was the right thing to do.
error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive
pointed to Canada’s greatest Prime Minister, Sir John
That willingness to do what is unpopular in the
to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the
A. Macdonald, as an example of someone who was
short term—that willingness to do the “hard, right
great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy
willing to pay the price for taking the long view.
thing” is what separates leaders from the well inten-
cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph
tioned. Before closing, the Prime Minister referred
of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails,
to Teddy Roosevelt’s The Man in the Arena.
at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place
Macdonald lost an election because he would not compromise on his vision, and yet, in the long run, it was Macdonald’s’ dream of uniting a conti-
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who
nental nation, which eventually made Canada what
points out how the strong man stumbles, or where
it is today.
the doer of deeds could have done them better. The
shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
58 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FEBRUARY 23, 2015
THE MASK AND THE MAN BOX One of my favourite YouTube talks is Tony
open, affirming and challenging brotherhood, and we
Sturino has shown this to some of you in health
hope that this culture of camaraderie will give you
class.) For those of you who haven’t seen it, it’s
the grace to find your voice, find your passions, and
about the danger of having a narrow understanding
ultimately find yourself.
of masculinity. Tony Porter tells some stories that I
But that’s where Terry Porter’s “man box” comes in.
couldn’t repeat here in Laidlaw Hall, but if you are
There are all kinds of cultural obstacles we have
interested, I hope you’ll go to your Google machine
to overcome, and what makes this task extraordi-
and take in his TED talk.
narily difficult is that we may not even see these
I have spent a good chunk of my adult life in boys’
YouTube celebrates its 10th birthday this month, and for those who fear that your life will be determined by the brand of your university, you may find some consolation in knowing that the three young, now fabulously wealthy founders of this billion dollar venture are graduates of Indiana University of Pennsylvania, and the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, neither of which is in the Ivy League. So there is hope for all of us, regardless of our standardized test scores!
you to feel a sense of belonging, to be a part of an
Porter’s lecture on the “Man Box.” (I think Mr.
limitations for what they are. What is in the box are
schools, and while I enthusiastically support single
the invisible assumptions that limit our vision, our
gender institutions as an option for some students,
relationships, and ourselves. If we fail to recognize
not everyone is all that keen when it comes to boys’
these myths of masculinity, we can end up paying too
schools. Some see institutions like UCC as semi-mi-
great a price to “man up.”
sogynistic bastions of boys-will-be-boys, “Please
One of my favourite books about boys is Michael
pass me the Grey Poupon” privilege. While we may
Thompson’s Raising Cain. We’ve had Dr. Thompson
not be everyone’s cup of tea, being a boys’ school
speak many times at UCC, and he believes that the
does give us a special opportunity, and I’d argue,
tale of Cain and Abel is the original story of male ado-
a special responsibility to focus on developing a
lescence. Both boys want to please their father. One
healthy understanding of what it means to be a man.
succeeds. One fails. And because of Cain’s frustration,
We believe there are many roads to manhood, many paths to success. We think it’s important for
because of his lack of affirmation, and because of his impulsive nature, he kills his brother Abel. Thompson
THE POWER POINT 59
ACTING OUT IS EASY. IT’S WHAT WE DO NATURALLY AND IMPULSIVELY.
argues that boys who experience failure have a choice:
conversation was coming to an end,
they can either act out or “process” out.
I wasn’t aware of the fact that I had
Acting out is easy. It’s what we do naturally and
made a fist with my hand, when I
impulsively. Thompson believes, though, that boys can
asked, “Are you going to be OK?”
and need to be taught how to process things. We have to
At that moment the Grade 11 boy,
learn how and when to hit the pause button. We need to
who seemed be the very model of
learn how and when to look at things from another per-
resilience, saw my gesture, laughed
son’s point of view, how to consider options, and how to
and gave me a fist pump as he said,
think through the ramifications of our decisions. And we also need to figure out how to express what’s in our heart, as well as what’s in our head. Let me give you one quick example of someone who has learned how to “process” a setback. Last
“Strength and Honour!” His action completely caught me off-guard; it took me a few seconds before I began to understand
“
We should also be aware of some of the social pressures we all face, as we try to figure out what it means to be a man, about what it means to be a good man.
what this was all about. And then
old guys a little longer to understand when it’s completed! I’ll end this morning with the trailer from Jennifer Siebel Newsom’s new documentary The Mask You Live In about the cultural challenges of masculinity. There are a lot of factors that can affect mental health, and when your inner state does not match the external demands of the “Man Box,” that dissonance can create stress. It seems appro-
week was a tough one for some of the boys who ran
it dawned on me. Last fall the psychologist Adam
priate then that, as we begin our Mental Health
for leadership positions. I happened to be in the
Cox had talked to us in Laidlaw Hall about positive
Awareness Week, we should also be aware of some
hallway last Friday, when I bumped into a Grade 11
notions of masculinity, and he finished his lecture by
of the social pressures we all face, as we try to figure
student the day after he learned that he would not be
fist pumping his way around Laidlaw Hall, as he pro-
out what it means to be a man, about what it means
wearing a white jacket next year. I didn’t know the
moted the virtues “strength and honour.”
to be a good man.
boy all that well, and I didn’t want to be intrusive, but I wanted to make sure he was all right. As our brief
So the processing of obstacles, challenges, and frustrations can be done—it just may take some of us
60 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED APRIL 22, 2013
NOVEMBER CUTS As the snow came down this past Saturday during the
of identity. It is the “Who am I
track meet at Centennial Park, someone mentioned
question?” that you ask yourself,
T.S. Eliot’s line, “April is the cruellest month.” Eliot
your teachers, your parents, and
was right, of course, but the cruellest week of the year,
your friends all the time and in all
at least in my book, is the second week of November.
kinds of ways—and almost always
Let me explain why. In the fall there are lots of sports teams with lots of players. Think of all the
without words. Think for just a second about
“
It’s why prizes matter so much, and it is also why failure and disappointment hurt so much at your age.
or what you could do to prepare yourself for the following year. I learned of my failure by reading a handwritten note, posted on the gym door, a note that simply said, “The following are NOT to return to the gym this afternoon…”
boys you can accommodate on cross-country, foot-
how you see yourself. Do you
ball, and soccer teams. When you play outside, you
see yourself as a fencer, a singer, a mathematician, a
painful was the realization that my best friend not
have room for big rosters.
trombone player, a left wing, a chess wizard, a power
only survived the cut but also actually made the team,
forward, a scientist, or a poet? How you see yourself is
a point that comes up in conversation not infrequently.
confined space with a limited number of spots. Those
important because it’s something that you are testing
Four decades after the fact, he still manages to ever
of you who have tried out for hockey, squash, and
out all the time. It’s why prizes (and in the U.S. T-shirts
so deftly work this into our conversations. He’ll say
basketball know exactly what this means. I’ll come
and bumper stickers) matter so much, and it is also why
clever things like, “Hey, Jim, pass me the pickles, and
back to that second week of November in a moment
failure and disappointment hurt so much at your age.
while you’re at it, do you remember when I made the
When you move indoors, though, you moved to a
but first, I want to tell you something about the stage of life you are going through.
When I was entering high school, I thought I was a
What made this particularly
St. Joe’s Prep basketball team and you didn’t?” He’ll
basketball player. Those of you who have seen me scuf-
also ask insightful questions such as, “Hey, Jim, were
fle on the hardwood can guess how this sad story ends.
you in the first or second cut? I think it was the first
Here’s the embarrassing part: Not only was I cut
because you were so horrible, but if you had played
is a psychological task associated with each and
from the freshman basketball team, but I was a “first
your best, you might have made it all the way to the
every stage of human development. And second, a
cut.” And back when leisure suits first roamed the
second cut. Maybe.”
social scientist named Eric Ericson determined that
earth, nobody pulled you aside to console you or talk
I can laugh about this now (well, maybe “laugh”
the task of adolescence revolves around the question
about what went wrong, or what you should work on,
isn’t exactly the right word!), but in that second week
If you take a psychology class when you are at university, you will learn two things: First, that there
THE POWER POINT 61
YES, I SAW MYSELF AS A BASKETBALL PLAYER, BUT THROUGH THE FOGGY REARVIEW MIRROR OF LIFE, I SEE NOW THERE WAS ANOTHER ROAD FOR ME TO TRAVEL.
of November in the year 1972, I was not such a happy camper. The day I got cut, I went home, got in shower,
Twenty years later, I went down to Washington,
or upset, boys who see themselves as actors, musi-
Georgetown Prep.
cians, or hockey or basketball players. Frequently a
and cried. (Like a man, of course!) No, I confess
Like UCC, Georgetown Prep is a great boys
that I howled like a banshee at the overwhelming
school. It was founded in 1789, and for most of its
embarrassment of it all.
history, it was a part of Georgetown University.
My Dad, God love him, could sense my dis-
I sometimes meet with boys who are frustrated
DC to interview for the headmaster’s job at
I was 34 and a bit nervous going for that first
appointment (I come from a long line of very
interview, but I also felt extraordinarily fortunate
perceptive men) and told me to “get off the pity pot
because on that hiring committee happened to be—
boy will point out the injustice of his not getting a part in the play or the unfairness of his not making a team. I try to listen closely because often these boys are in anguish. (Hey, I still remember howling in the shower that long ago afternoon!) But I also think a lot about how lucky I was that I
and go make a team.” It’s worth noting that he didn’t
as luck would have it—my old swimming coach, Fr.
got cut from that Grade 9 basketball team. And about
call the principal or the coach or the advisor or the
Roach, who had moved to DC a decade earlier.
how lucky I was to have a Dad who told me to not
counsellor. In his old -fashioned, thoroughly un-en-
(I don’t know if we do a good job of stressing the
give in to my own sorrow, to explore new options, to
lightened way—I doubt that he’d read much about
importance of this, but it’s important to be lucky. I
make the best of a setback.
the wonders of “self-advocacy”—he just told me to
got the job the old-fashioned way: I knew somebody!)
stop feeling sorry for myself.
I was fortunate enough to serve in that role for
That night, I checked the student handbook and
10 years, and that’s actually how I ended up coming
discovered that swimming had a no cut policy. Since
to UCC, almost a decade ago. Georgetown Prep is a
Yes, when I was a kid, I saw myself as a basketball player, but through the foggy rear-view mirror of life, I can see now that there was another road for me to travel. I hope that someday when disappointment dope
I could float, I “made” the swim team. If truth were
part of the boys’ school network, and when UCC’s
slaps you—as it inevitably will—someone will be
told, I never became a great swimmer, and I still
former principal, Doug Blakey (a swimming coach,
there to encourage you. I hope you won’t give in to
shudder every time I walk by a cold swimming pool,
by the way), decided to retire, a consultant called me
that disappointment, that you will get off the pity pot,
but I did make some good friends and along the way,
up and encouraged me to come to Toronto.
get out of the shower, and get into the pool.
I got to know a great swimming coach and a great man in Fr. Tom Roach.
Which brings me back to that second week of November.
Especially if it’s the second week of November.
62 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
What Athletes Teach Us
“
Failure stripped away everything inessential. It taught me things about myself I could have learned no other way. J.K. ROWLING
THE POWER POINT 63
MY TEACHERS SPARKED THIS CHANGE, WHAT ERUDITE IB2 STUDENTS MIGHT REFER TO AS A “METANOIA” BY PAYING ATTENTION TO ME.
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED SEPTEMBER 6, 2012
AI’S QUESTION About a decade ago, shortly before my family moved
the then Grade 8 boy this way: After going through
to Toronto, an article appeared in the Washington
the usual litany of expectations, “You’ll have to work
in some profound ways: They managed to change the
Post suggesting that Allen Iverson, the then all star
hard. You’ll have to play defense. You’ll have to put
way I looked at myself, the way I looked at life, and
point guard for the 76ers, a man who unselfcon-
the team first, etc.” the coach asked Allen if he had
the way I looked at God. They sparked this change,
sciously refers to his athletic ability as “God’s gift,”
any questions.
what erudite IB2 students might refer to as a “meta-
might be traded to the Raptors for Vince Carter. It was going to be AI for VC. My sons, all of whom sported “AI” jerseys at the time, were ecstatic. I
The 13-year-old Iverson said, “I’ve got just one. Will you pay attention to me?” What a remarkable question. A fatherless boy,
thinking abilities, these adults would also affect me
noia” by paying attention to me. I want to stress that these teachers created this change—not in addition to teaching algebra,
remember my 11 year-old asked me, “If AI gets
despite the macho posturing and tattooed-tough
traded, can I join his posse?”
veneer, understood what he needed: a concerned
team—but by the very way they did all of these things.
adult to care for him.
While the school was large, it never felt like a “boy
In true fatherly fashion, I ducked the question completely and referred him to Mr. Kawasoe. I figured that there was probably a “policy on posses” embedded somewhere in the Prep Handbook.
“Will you pay attention to me?” is an invisible question. It is asked in all schools. It is said without words.
moderating the school paper, or coaching the swim
factory” where students and teachers alike spend the day playing educational détente. (“Don’t hassle me
It is asked unconsciously. It is asked continuously.
and I won’t hassle you.”) Though I might not have
Many years ago, back when leisure suits first walked
been able to translate the Latin, I could sense what
Allen was in Grade 8, he was heavily recruited by
the earth, I attended a private boys’ school in
they called cura personalis, the care and concern for
a number of high-powered high school basketball
Philadelphia because my parents thought it was the
the individual.
I want to tell you a quick story about AI: When
coaches. (I managed to avoid this experience myself,
best school in the city, and they were willing to make
but you can only imagine the deleterious effects the
the sacrifice to send me there. When I walked in the
romantic looking back at his own adolescence
recruiting of preadolescents has on youngsters. I will
door my first day of Grade 9, I expected to find con-
through rose-tinted glasses. School was hard. The
save that topic for another day.)
scientious teachers who would push me to work hard.
third declension didn’t come easily. I didn’t have a
The man who eventually became Iverson’s high school coach described his first conversation with
What I didn’t expect, though, was that in addition to helping me develop my reading, writing, and
I don’t want to sound like a hapless, middle-aged
date for the semi-formal, and I seldom made the first team in just about anything.
64 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
I did, though, make mistakes, inside and outside
something better, and he is con-
the classroom, and when I did, I had teachers who let
fronting you precisely because
me know about them. Some of these teachers did so
he cares about you. Because he is
with great gusto, as I recall. While I knew my teach-
paying attention to you.
ers cared about me, I never confused any of them with Homer Simpson. I mention this because, when the “invisible”
Because love (and I confess to being uncomfortable using that word right now, but that’s
question is asked, unlike those dreaded and dreadful
really what we are talking about)
multiple-choice questions, there is more than one
is both blue velvet and blue
correct answer. Yes, there will be times when you
steel. Without the steel, without
will need a pat on the back, times when a teacher or
talking directly to you about
friend will encourage you to hang in there. But there
hard things from time to time,
will be other times when someone will tell you in a
love would be just smarmy, cot-
direct, unflinching, and uncompromising way that,
ton-candied kind of vacuousness.
while they are paying attention to you, they don’t like what they see. Someday your advisor may pull you aside and say, “Your grades are lousy. I want to see you buckle down and do some work.” That doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you. It means he knows that you are capable of
“
Without the steel, without talking directly to you about hard things from time to time, love would be just smarmy, cottoncandied kind of vacuousness.
A final thought about that invisible question: It’s
When you see a new student wandering around, looking for a place to have lunch, and you call him over and make room for him at your table. When you learn that another classmate has no plans for the weekend, and you work him into yours. When you treat everyone, regardless of his class, rank, or social status, the same way you’d treat the Head Steward. Whenever you do any of these
things, you are saying, “Yes, I hear you. I’m paying attention.”
not just the teachers or administrators who hear it or
You’re showing that you’ve been listening to the silent
need to respond to it. You can and must hear it, too,
question, the one we ask one another every day.
but you’ll do so, only if you listen closely: When a friend misses school, and you call him up to give him the homework.
(And by the way, AI for Vince Carter would have been a good deal.)
THE POWER POINT 65
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FEBRUARY 27, 2012
THE WISDOM OF SWEET POLLY PUREBRED Some words of congratulations, a reminder from “Underdog,” and the truths behind “Linsanity,” but I’d like to begin this morning by welcoming some special guests. Last Friday, the boys in the back of Laidlaw Hall learned that they have received an offer from the
The Senior Jazz Band who scored a double gold in the music festival at York last week. The swim team, who won both the CISAA boys and the overall swimming championship. The U14 basketball team, who won the Ottawa
Lin. Lin has been on back-to-back Sports Illustrated covers, and he is without a doubt the planet’s most talked about athlete. Lin’s life seems like something out of a Disney movie. A first-generation Taiwanese American who,
UCC Admissions Committee. As you can appreciate,
Invitational on Saturday by beating St. Andrew’s
despite being an all-state basketball player, and even
this is no small accomplishment, so congratulations
College 55 to 36.
though he led his high school team to a 32–1 record
to all of our visitors! We hope that after spending a
And the Varsity hockey team, who finished first
and the California state title, was never recruited by
day with us, you’ll have a better sense of where you
in the regular season and won the Bob Armstrong
anyone; he was never offered a single scholarship by
want to be next year.
Memorial Trophy.
any university. (Grade 12 students should take heart
By the way, if the rest of you notice that I am smil-
We wish you continued success this afternoon as
ing a lot more today or being unusually kind towards
the playoffs continue against Ridley College down in
students and small animals, you can probably figure
St. Catharines.
out what is going on. Those off you who saw Richard II last week know that this play is rarely confused with Real Housewives of New Jersey. Richard II is an extraor-
In the face all of these recent successes, I offer
in knowing that Lin’s dream school, UCLA, showed absolutely no interest in him.) Lin ended up going to Harvard, not a bad backup mind you, and again despite becoming a two-time
a gentle reminder: now more than ever we need to
All-Ivy League player, no NBA team drafted him. As
follow the example of that great cartoon character,
a matter of fact, a year ago, Lin was actually working
“Underdog,” who, in the face of his own super-canine
as a staff member at the NBA All-Star weekend. Lin
dinarily challenging drama, and I am delighted
success, managed to remain “humble and loveable”—
eventually got a shot in the NBA but was released
to report that the cast and crew more than met
if for no other reason than that is what Sweet Polly
by two teams, the Golden State Warriors and the
Shakespeare’s mark. Can I ask all of those who
Purebred expected of him. (Feel free to consider me
Houston Rockets. The Rockets, incidentally, cut him
worked on Richard II to stand to be recognized for
your own version of Sweet Polly.)
on Christmas Eve, and I can’t help but wonder if they
their exceptional work. I would also like to congratulate:
Speaking of the humble and loveable, most of you probably know the remarkable story of Jeremy
are having Ghost-of-Christmas-Past nightmares about Lin right about now.
66 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
Along the way, Lin also bounced around in the
had told reporters he didn’t know
D-League; at one point he played for the Erie
who Lin was, and Lin drained a
Bay Hawks before finally getting his chance with
game winning trey with no time
the Knicks.
left against the Raptors last week
When Lin first showed up at Madison Square
at the ACC. By the way, you would
Garden, security asked him if he was a trainer, but
have thought that game was being
since getting the opportunity to play, Lin has shat-
played in New York, because
tered everyone’s expectations. He broke a rookie
when Lin hit the game winner,
scoring record that had stood since 1976, and he has
the place went wild. Such is the
led the Knicks to the best record they have had in a
impact of Linsanity.
decade, despite the fact that the team had been missing Carmelo Anthony, their all-star forward. You can just imagine the kind of national and international pride Lin has sparked in the Chinese
Jeremy Lin’s story offers us four takeaways. (And no, Denzel won’t be playing him in the movie.) One, Jeremy didn’t just get
“
When Lin first showed up at Madison Square Garden, security asked him if he was a trainer, but since getting the opportunity to play, Lin has shattered everyone’s expectations.
conditioning, as well as on his shot. Two, some have compared Lin to Yao Ming because of their cultural connection, but I think a comparison to Jackie Robinson is more apt because of all the racial stereotyping both had to endure. When Lin played away games during high school, for example, the opposing team’s fans frequently taunted him, by suggesting that he belonged in the orchestra pit or on the math team. Like Jackie Robinson, though, Lin man-
community. During one memorable hardwood
lucky. He worked for everything.
moment earlier this month, Lin beat a defender off
When he showed up in Cambridge,
the dribble and went right to the rim in traffic. After
the coach told him he was the weakest basketball
humble. After signing his first NBA contract, Jeremy
he scored, an Asian fan in attendance held up a sign
player in Harvard’s history. Lin wasn’t offended by
went out to buy a car. During the test drive, the
that said, “Who says we can’t drive?”
that statement, even though Harvard was founded
salesman asked him, “Did you play basketball in high
Along the way, Lin has been in games when he has outscored Kobe Bryant (38 to 34) after Kobe
aged to keep his emotions in check. Three, it is important to stay
in 1636, but he did take it to heart. He hit their
school or college?” A lot of other people might have
version of the SAS and worked on his strength and
at least mentioned that they were in the NBA, but
THE POWER POINT 67
THE JEREMY LIN IN OUR MIDST MAY NOT BE A BASKETBALL PLAYER. HE MAY BE A POET, SINGER, ARCHITECT, TEACHER, OR MAYBE EVEN A GOOD FRIEND.
a good friend, who happened to be in the back seat at the time, recalls Jeremy’s saying, “Well, I used to play in college.” Finally, let’s acknowledge that even in the year
If these intelligent people who evaluate talent for
reason, we can’t see him for what he really is—
a living can miss out on gifts, we may be doing the
or for what he will become—through the fog of
same thing ourselves. There may be a Jeremy Lin
our own biases.
right here right now, but we aren’t recognizing his
We should think about all those intelligent
2012, racial, religious and cultural stereotyping still
dream, his drive, his determination—or perhaps even,
university admissions directors, and all those savvy
exist. Every college missed on Jeremy Lin because
his goodness.
general managers who said, “That kid’s not good
he was an Asian kid with straight A’s, and every NBA team whiffed on him, too because he was just another non-athletic Ivy leaguer.
The Jeremy Lin in our midst may not be a bas-
enough for us.”
ketball player. He may be a poet, singer, architect,
Let’s not give up on anyone. Let’s give everyone
teacher, novelist, scientist, entrepreneur, explorer
a shot because you never know who will end up lead-
or maybe even a good friend. And for some strange
ing life’s real fast breaks.
68 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED APRIL 16, 2011
KOBE’S COMMENT Earlier this week Kobe Bryant used an all-too-fa-
This more punitive approach
miliar homosexual slur to disparage a referee, and
may seem a bit unfair, but such
predictably, someone in the Lakers organization
is the cost of fame in our celebri-
immediately published a press release, claiming that
ty-worshipping culture. (ESPN’s
Kobe meant no disrespect.
Tony Kornheiser points out:
After David Sterns fined Kobe $100, 000, some
“Being a quarterback means you
criticized the NBA commissioner and suggested
get too much credit when you win.
that he should simply understand that these things
Too much blame when you lose.
happen in the heat of competition.
But they never offer to give back
I take an opposing point of view for three reasons: First, if anything, we should hold Kobe and others
the money.”)
“
If this consequence actually cost the Lakers a chance to defend their title, just imagine the impact all of this might have had on the wider culture.
Second, Kobe never said the
should have suspended him for the first round of the playoffs. If that punishes the team as well as the individual, so be it. (I’m going to go out on a limb and bet that last week’s offence was not the first time Kobe uttered that particular profanity on the hardwood, and if even one of his teammates let him get away without addressing the issue in the past, well then, such is
in the public eye to a higher standard when it comes
three magic words: “I am sorry.” The era of a press
to issues related to tolerance because high-profile
release mea culpa went the way of the Y2K bug. It’s
If this consequence actually cost the Lakers a
folks have high-profile impact on the wider culture.
long over, and nobody but nobody wants to hear the
chance to defend their title, just imagine the impact
A profane comment from a member of the glitterati
passive voice, as in “mistakes were made.”
all of this might have had on the wider culture. Talk
undermines the effectiveness of a thousand It Gets Better YouTube videos.
Third, while $100,000 might make most of us order a “tall” rather than a “grande” for the rest of eternity, in the life of a La La Land Laker, it’s not a significant hit. Rather than fining Kobe, Stern
the nature of collective guilt.)
about teachable moments! “Remember when the Lakers were about to 3-peat and then that knucklehead Kobe cost us?”
THE POWER POINT 69
THE BOXING RING WAS DESCRIBED AS “THE TWO-FISTED TESTING GROUND OF MASCULINITY.”
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED DECEMBER 6, 2010
A DIFFERENT KIND OF ARTIST If I could figure out a way to build it into the curricu-
mentioned that he didn’t know what he was good at,
from the 1890s through the 1950s). The heavyweight
lum, I’d like all of us to take a course on biographies
until he stumbled into the theatre. Joe Louis had a
champ was an iconic figure, and if you know anything
because I think we can learn a lot just by reading
similar experience.)
about the tenor of the times, you can understand that
about the lives of those who went before us. We can
One day when he was looking for something to
begin to understand their challenges, their motiva-
do—as he was searching for something to do with his
tions, their dreams, and perhaps most importantly,
life—Joe wandered into a gym, and there he discov-
first black champion, Jack Johnson. Johnson had
we can begin to understand how they overcame the
ered something important about himself. Not only
enraged the white population by having the audacity
obstacles of their times; that alone might put some of
could he box, he could do it very well. Soon he was
to taunt and ridicule his white opponents, and to
the challenges we face today in proper perspective.
the best boxer in the entire gym, and eventually he
make matters worse, he flaunted the fact that he not
became the best boxer in the world.
only dated white women, but he even married them.
If waiting in a long lunch line makes you feel you are living the life of Job, take a peek at Randy
Today it is hard for us to imagine just how big
Americans wanted their champion to be white. Part of that desire was a direct response to the
Joe Louis set out to be the antithesis of Jack
Roberts’ book, Joe Louis: Hard Times Man. Talk
boxing was in 30s and 40s. At the time, there were
Johnson. Louis would not even allow himself to be
about being born at the wrong place in the wrong
just two viable professional sports in America:
photographed with white women, and he never, ever
time. Joe Louis came of age in rural Alabama almost
boxing and baseball. Hockey hadn’t expanded; the
belittled his opponents, no matter what their colour.
one hundred years ago in what was the deepest part
NFL was in its infancy, and the NBA didn’t exist.
He was a thoroughly polite, decent, and amiable man.
of the Jim Crow-segregated South. Joe’s father was
The greatest team title was winning the World Series,
Sportswriters liked him. The men he knocked out
a sharecropper who went broke before he ended up
and the greatest individual title was that of heavy-
liked him. Even his three ex-wives all liked Joe Louis.
in a mental asylum, and the only thing young Joe was
weight champion.
known for was his pronounced stutter. Like a lot of black families in Alabama, Joe’s
The boxing ring was described as “The two-fisted testing ground of masculinity.” (There is a whiff of
Roberts points out that Louis, “had a marvellous ability to accept reality, even the unpleasant reality of pre-World War II America.”
family moved to Henry Ford’s, Detroit, as part of
this hard edged masculinity by the way, still emanat-
This was the golden age of radio: families would
the vast social migration North, and there he found
ing from the honour boards that adorn UCC’s main
gather together to listen to fights. People literally died
menial work, delivering ice. (Last Friday, Jake
hall, boards proclaiming UCC boxing champions
while they tuned in to boxing on the radio. There was
70 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
a report of one man’s having a heart attack during a
There is an apocryphal story
Louis fight, and as they revived him, his first question
about the time when the state
and only question was, “Who won the fight?”
of North Carolina first changed
After becoming heavyweight champ, in 1936
its method of execution; instead
Louis fought the famous German champion, Max
of using the electric chair, they
Schmeling in Yankee Stadium. Schmeling was a
employed the gas chamber. When
student of the sweet science, and he had discovered
the first African American was
that when Louis threw a jab, he bought his hand back
executed via that ghastly device,
low, and this allowed Schmeling to repeatedly pound
the story goes that, when the
him with a right counter. Reporters claimed that
poisonous pellet was dropped, the
Schmeling hit Louis so hard and so often, that the
prisoner yelled out, “Save me, Joe
punches sounded like water balloons being dropped
Louis! Joe Louis, please, save me!”
from a third floor. They had a “splat” to them.
“
There was a report of one man’s having a heart attack during a Louis fight, and as they revived him, his first question and only question was, “Who won the fight?”
Besides Schmeling, Louis had
Fear is not an asset to a boxer. Early in the fourth round, Max was knocked down, and he never got up. When critics claimed he could have fought on, Baer said, “They’re probably right, but people are going to have to pay a lot more than 25 bucks to see me get executed.” In June of 1938, Louis fought Schmeling again, and this time, 100 million people from around the world tuned in for the rematch. The fight lasted just two minutes
Schmeling’s knockout of Louis in the 12th round was
fought a number of very tough opponents, one of
and 10 seconds. In that first round, Schmeling got
the absolute low point of his professional life.
whom was Max Baer, a former champion himself, a
caught in the ropes and was turned sideways when
This was pre-World War II, so naturally Max
man who had literally killed one man in the ring, and
Louis hit him a shot to the side of his body. That one
Schmeling became the German hero, the man who
had beaten another so badly that he had died shortly
blow broke several of Schmeling’s vertebrae, and
had defeated the great Joe Louis. This loss was dev-
after his fight. Max knew what could happen in
people ringside recall Schmeling’s literally scream-
astating, not only for Louis but also for the entire
boxing, and shortly before climbing into the squared
ing in agony. (You don’t often hear boxers scream.
African American community, a community that had
circle with Louis, he realized that for the first time in
It’s a violation of an unwritten code.) Schmeling
taken incredible pride in Louis’ accomplishments.
his career, he was frightened by another man.
made what was described as a “deathcurdling scream,” and the sound made people who were
THE POWER POINT 71
JOE LOUIS HELD A UNIQUE ROLE IN THE CULTURE OF HIS TIME, AND THE CLOSEST THING I CAN IMAGINE TO HIM TODAY IN CANADA MIGHT BE WAYNE GRETZKY.
sitting ringside sick. It sounded as if Schmeling was
time, and the closest thing I can imagine to him today
being murdered before their very eyes.
in Canada might be Wayne Gretzky. Both names
I was fighting, they used to call all the guys I fought the
Former U.S. President Jimmy Carter, then a
demand an almost reverential response. Some folks are
‘bum of the month’ club.” Ali asked, “Are you calling me
young boy, remembers that his father, Earl, had
just meant to be above the fray. I remember a few years
a bum?” To which Joe replied, “I’m not calling you a
invited the field hands from his peanut farm in
ago when Gretsky was coaching the woeful Coyotes,
bum, but you would have been in the club.”
Georgia to come to the porch to listen to that fight.
sports writers might take shots at the team, but woe to
The field hands couldn’t come in to the living room,
he (or him?) who would dare to criticize The Great One.
of course, but the Carters moved the radio to the
fought you, how would I have done?” Joe said, “When
The list of happy ex-boxers is not long. Joe battled cocaine and paranoia, and he was institu-
During the war, Louis befriended a young ser-
tionalized shortly before his death. Today, though,
window, so that they could all listen together. When
viceman he had taken under his wing. Years later,
Joe Louis is widely regarded as the greatest boxing
the fight concluded, the lead field hand quietly
when he broke the colour barrier in baseball, one of
champion in history, a man who held the title for 12
said, “Thank you, Mr. Earl.” Then all the field hands
the first people Jackie Robinson publicly thanked
years and who defended his title an unprecedented
silently crossed the road to their quarters, before, as
was his former mentor in the military, Joe Louis.
25 times. Not bad for a poor black kid with a stutter,
Jimmy Carter said, “All hell broke loose.”
The last few years of life were not particularly
who grew up in rural Alabama, with a father in a
After that fight, Joe Louis became a symbol; he
kind to Joe. He never had much success in business.
was the first assault against Germany before the war.
He once tried to promote a drink named after him; it
Until that time, Louis had been admired by white
was called Joe Louis’ Punch. But one day a reporter
They have the very best of intentions. Joe’s mom
sports writers, but some still wanted him beaten by
asked him, “After a tough fight, what do you like to
gave him money each week for violin lessons, and
a white champion. Southern reporters, in partic-
drink?” Joe quickly replied, “I like Coca-Cola.” The
Joe used that money to pay for a locker at the gym
ular, gloated after Schmeling had beaten Louis in
painful irony was that Coke, which was a Southern
where he first learned how to box. Mrs. Louis wanted
their first encounter. By 1938, though, nationalism
company, and would never have hired Joe to pro-
her son to learn the violin because she thought it
had trumped race, and Louis moved from being an
mote their beverage because he was black.
would keep him off the streets and out of trouble.
African American to being an American. Joe Louis held a unique role in the culture of his
Years later, Louis bumped into the then world champion Muhammad Ali, and Ali asked, “If I had
mental asylum. One postscript to all of this: mothers mean well.
And in a way, she was right. Joe was just an artist of a different kind.
72 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED SEPTEMBER 29, 2014
DOUG FLUTIE AND ME Russell Baker claims we should never let a “slavish adherence to truth ruin a good story,” but I want you to know this story is true. My brother-in-law, John, holds a special, some-
substantiate his allegedly “going Boardwalk” with #22. (A quick aside: The last time I went to a musical with some friends,
“
Nobody has played a better David to the Goliaths of the USFL, CFL or NFL than Doug Flutie.
what elevated status in our extended family for two
we saw Mamma Mia—which
important reasons. First, he is a medical professional,
probably says a lot more about
and as a result, he is respectfully referred to as the
the joys of mid-life than I care to
family’s “real doctor”—as opposed to another, some-
consider. During the intermission,
what less elevated family member who is known,
a chum—who is even less theatrically sophisticated
Forgive me for this one, but I just have to tell you my own Doug Flutie story. Three decades ago, I was a graduate student at Boston College, which by the way, is not in Boston and is not a college. But for some reason, my suggestion
to rename it “The Just Outside of Boston University”
affectionately I am sure, as the “phony doctor.” (I
than I—foolishly told his wife that he was not a fan of
has not received much support to date. I remain opti-
often tell folks that I, too, receive phone calls at 2 am,
ABBA. His wife’s immediate retort was, “There are
mistic. But I digress.
when people are desperately trying to deal with the
only two kinds of people: those who love ABBA, and
dangers of a dangling participle. (“Don’t touch that
those who simply pretend they don’t love ABBA.”)
comma; I’ll be right over!”) But so far, at least, this line of reasoning hasn’t affected my social standing.
I feel that way about Doug Flutie, who retired
In between classes one afternoon, I wandered over to the athletic complex to play basketball. For some strange reason, perhaps it was destiny, I was
from football after 24 years of proving the critics
the only person in the entire complex until eight of
The other, much more important reason for
wrong. You must either love Doug Flutie or simply
the largest human beings I have ever seen walked in
John’s prominence, is his claim that, during his stu-
pretend you don’t pull for him because, deep down,
from the weight room, along with one significantly
dent days at Boston College, he once played a game
nobody has played a better David to the Goliaths of
smaller student.
of Monopoly with a then unknown freshman by the
the USFL, CFL, or NFL than Doug Flutie.
name of Doug Flutie. Since there are no pictures of this event, however, I am compelled to give John only partial credit for this claim. And having an endless supply of Flutie Flakes in his cupboard can still not
Doug did a lot of amazing things on the gridiron, but he is best remembered for one particular play: https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=ZeExa2R2nf0
It turned out this was the offensive unit from Boston College’s then nationally ranked (#4) football team. Because there were nine of them, they waited around for a while, in the hope that someone with a bit more athletic promise might eventually
THE POWER POINT 73
appear. When he or she didn’t, they eventually and
they’d yell, “Flutes!” I confess that
reluctantly invited me to join them for a game.
I tried to follow their example with
When they finally asked, I replied, “Let-me-
this, but it wouldn’t work. I, too,
think-about-it-YES!” before spending the next hour
wanted to assume familiarity, but
running up and down the hardwood with my new
when I tried to call out, “Flutes,”
best friend, Doug Flutie.
the proper noun caught in my
I’d like to tell you that I fit right in. That Doug called my play. That we did a lot of high-low, give and go, take it to the rim and ”show me the love” kind of
throat. It felt disrespectful. As I drifted up and down the court, I found myself wondering, if in
thing together. I wish I could tell you that I vividly
the same spirit, Achilles’ friends had
recall my new best friend’s saying: “If we want to win
ever call out to him, “Hey, ‘Ack’, I’m
this game, we have to put the ball in Power’s hands,
open!” or “‘A-dog’ hit me!” when they
and then clear out, so that he can operate.”
were playing Rockball or Attack the
But I can’t. As a matter of fact, I’m not sure if I even touched the ball that entire afternoon. But that was ok. I was happy just to run baseline to baseline with my new best friend, Doug Flutie. Three decades later, I have two memories from that magical afternoon. First, Doug had the hairiest hands I had ever seen. He was a complete bear, even at 5 foot 8. Second, I was struck by the fact that when the other guys addressed my newfound best friend,
“
I hope that, when you do hear these kinds of messages, you’ll take heart and remember a 5-foot-8 kid with hairy hands, who for over two decades did what he was told he couldn’t do.
Goat or whatever it was they played in between graduate school classes back during the Trojan War? Today at UCC we talk a bit about imagination,
good enough” messages he had to put up with early in his career. From time to time, people may tell you, “You’re not good enough in science to become a medical doctor.” Or “Your voice isn’t strong enough for you to be a lead in the musical.” Or “You don’t skate well enough to play at a high level.” I hope that, when you do hear these kinds of messages, you’ll take heart and remember a 5 foot 8 kid with hairy hands, who for over two
decades did what he was told he couldn’t do. Finally, I’d like to tell you that my “Me and Doug” story has had a profound impact on my social
innovation, passion, excellence, and compassion. I
standing in the family. Alas, it has not. I am still
think Doug Flutie embodies all of these qualities.
the erstwhile “Phony Doctor.” But, no matter. My
You may know, for example, that Doug started a
brother-in-law may have played Monopoly with an
foundation to help those dealing with autism, a con-
18-year-old freshman, but I enjoyed a magical after-
dition affecting his own son.
noon of hoops with a guy who’d won the Heisman
It’s important to remember Flutie’s career, because you may hear the same kind of “you’re not
Trophy the week before—my friend “Flutes.”
74 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
Monday Morning & The Psychic Sock Drawer
“
Every man’s got to figure to get beat sometime. JOE LOUIS
THE POWER POINT 75
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED SEPTEMBER 26, 2011
LOSS, SIBLINGS, AND IDENTITY After a tough loss on Saturday, a student asked me,
author Jeffrey Kluger explores the
“How come it hurts so much to lose?”
impact brothers and sisters have
The amateur psychologist in me thinks this question goes back to an identity issue, to how we
on our identity. This morning I’d like to share a
see ourselves. At some very primitive level, high
few of Kluger’s deliberately broad
school games are about one group of adolescent
generalizations in the hope that
warriors imposing their will on another, and
you’ll test his theories and compare
failure—literally not being able to defend one’s
them to your own life experiences.
turf—can feel emasculating.
According to Kluger, first-borns
Failing, though, goes far beyond a sports’ score-
(How many are here?) have higher
board; it can also involve not getting a role in a play,
IQ’s. (But of course, you knew that
or being rejected from a team or a relationship. You
already!) First-borns are go-get-
might have thought you’d have the lead in Hamlet or
ters. Researchers believe they are
assumed you’d make the varsity badminton team, or
ambitious because they have more
expected Tabitha to ask you to the Battalion Ball, but
exclusive time with their parents;
“
At some very primitive level, high school games are about one group of adolescent warriors imposing their will on another, and failure—literally not being able to defend one’s turf—can feel emasculating.
when you experience rejection in any or all of these
as a result, they buy into their par-
domains, you can’t help but begin to question your-
ents’ values more deeply. First-borns are more likely
experience that their younger siblings don’t get. In the developing world, they also tend to be bigger than their siblings in part because they have had more access to food. They also have, in general, a three-point IQ advantage, and Kluger believes this is because the oldest get more adult attention and intellectual stimulation, and also because they benefit from having the opportunity to teach their younger siblings. After all, the best way to learn something is to teach it.
How many of you are the youngest in the family?
self and wonder just a little, about who you really are.
to become CEOs, judges, government leaders, and
Losing or learning to deal with losing is just one
astronauts. They often wind up wealthier than their
better at reading and charming people. Charm, by
of many variables that can shape how we see about
siblings. Parents may invest more heavily in their first-
the way, is what he calls an essential “low-power
ourselves. In his book, The Sibling Effect: What the
born children because, on average, first-borns have
strategy.” Think about this: if you hit the trifecta as
Bonds Among Brothers and Sisters Reveal About Us,
almost three years of total immersion with them—an
the youngest, smallest, and weakest kid in the house,
Kluger’s research suggests that you tend to be
76 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
you have to develop other skills. It is a matter of sur-
connectors. They tend to be the kid
vival! One way to do this is to figure out what is going
who gets invited to the Jays games.
on in other people’s heads. Youngest kids pay closer
How many of you are only
attention to gestures and implications, and they read
children? I am a spoiled rotten
people better. They are highly intuitive.
only child myself, and being an
They also tend to be funny, in part because they
only child means coming of age
have learned how to use their charm to disarm. Some
in a world where you are outnum-
of history’s great satirists, Mark Twain, Voltaire, and
bered by adults. The research says
Jonathan Swift, were the youngest children in large
that our tastes in TV, music, and
families. Stephen Colbert is the youngest of 11 chil-
art tend towards an older cohort,
dren. The youngest, by the way, also tend to be rebels.
which makes only children often
All kids go through stages of protest, but youngest kids
appear “cooler” than our peers.
are most likely to get arrested. If you are a middle child, I’ve got good and bad
“
Youngest kids pay closer attention to gestures and implications, and they read people better. They are highly intuitive.
I have to point out that Kluger’s work in this area does not jibe with my personal experience. Watching
these 15-minute conversations, attendees were asked to rate the conversation. Boys who grew up with sisters were consistently rated higher by girls, who said, more than anything else, that these boys were better listeners. This, by the way, is a very highly prized virtue in the socialization market, so let me repeat that in case you didn’t hear it:
boys who were good listeners were rated higher by the girls who spent time with them. Kluger’s research also looked at twins, and he
news for you. The bad news is that middle children
The Lawrence Welk Show with my folks or taking
discovered that identical twins, who were raised in
don’t get the same exclusive time that parents give
Irish step dancing lessons (OK, it was my mother’s
different families, still possess an astonishing degree
to the oldest and youngest kids. We are dealing again
idea) did not make me a dude in the 70s. Some things
of similarities. They enjoy the same kinds of practi-
with broad generalizations here, but middle children
go far beyond birth order!
cal jokes, like the same beer, like making the same
tend to feel less protected by family; they are more likely to feel that they need to fend for themselves. The good news is that as a response to this, they
How many of you have at least one sister? You are so lucky. Kluger’s research confirms the belief that
noises in elevators, marry people with the same first name, and enjoy the same kinds of vacation spots. If you have siblings, odds are you fought with
become better at forging relationships and building
sisters civilize us. In one study of college-age stu-
them. When kids are between the ages of two and
networks outside the family. Middle kids are great
dents, they set up speed dating scenarios, and after
five, they have a fight every ten minutes. It’s no
THE POWER POINT 77
WE ARE SHAPED BY THE WINS, LOSSES, AND TIES OF LIFE, BUT MORE THAN THAT, WE ARE SHAPED BY PEOPLE AND OUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEM.
wonder your parents were so tired. All of this fighting,
juice might have had a bitter taste to it, but the good
our relationships with them. You can argue that
by the way, is a rehearsal for adulthood. It’s why kit-
news is that life goes on.
siblings may be the people in this world who do
tens need to wrestle. Which brings me back to the UCC guy’s first question: Why does it hurt so much to lose? It’s all a trial run, a rehearsal for the far more serious battles you will have to face in the future. So even if you came up short in a soccer game, you still got to eat breakfast Sunday morning. Your orange
So my two take-aways from today are: 1. Yes, it hurts to lose at anything, especially if at some strange level it hits on the identity issue for you. 2. We are shaped by the wins, losses, and ties of life, but more than that, we are shaped by people and
the most to define or refine who you are. Our parents leave us too early. Our spouses and partners and children come along too late. But siblings are with us for the long run. And on second thought, maybe Irish step dancing does make you sort of cool?
78 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FEBRUARY 28, 2011
STARBUCKS MUSINGS I offer three points for your consideration today. I happened to stumble upon the first two last
actually grinding the coffee beans before it brewed a perfect cup of
week, when I attended the National Association
coffee. It wasn’t fast; it took about
of Independent Schools conference, a gathering of
2 minutes, so there was a long line
4,000 teachers and administrators from the US,
of my caffeine-addicted brethren,
Canada, and around the globe.
but this actually gave us all the
POINT ONE
time to ponder questions such as,
I have many character flaws and among them is an
“What won’t the machines of the
addiction to overpriced coffee. There is probably a
future be able to do? And if an IBM
12-step program I should join to help me come to
computer can win on Jeopardy as
terms with this problem.
it did last week, how long will it
Anyway, much to my chagrin, there was no coffee store within walking distance of the conference centre, but they did have a contraption, and it was
be until someone comes up with a ‘Principal’s Machine?’”
“
What won’t the machines of the future be able to do? And if an IBM computer can win on Jeopardy as it did last week, how long will it be until someone comes up with a ‘Principal’s Machine’?
(I can see it now. All you do is
probably wouldn’t allow them in.” I can understand her perfectly human response. I feel the same way, whenever I think about that “Principal’s Machine.” But I also remember that in 1988, when I first became an administrator at a small boarding school, I brought my desktop computer from home and put it in my office. When my administrative assistant saw the spiffy Apple 2 C sitting on my desk, she became upset and immediately asked me to take it
unlike any I had seen before. It was a Starbucks
swipe your credit card, and out pops a cliché-rid-
home. She was convinced that, if I learned how to use
machine. Now, I’d come across coffee machines in
dled rant, perfectly appropriate for just about any
that machine, then she would be out of a job.
the past, but they tend to be a lot like soda machines
Monday morning assembly!)
If you buy Daniel Pink’s argument about left and
that don’t quite work; the coffee sits in tin box for
Yesterday, I happened to tell the barista at the
months at a time, and after you pay your money, a
Forest Hill Village Starbucks about this new-fangled
the linear, analytical, and sequential work of today
warming element spits out a tepid brew that has the
device, and I could tell right away that she wasn’t as
will either be done overseas or done by a machine of
bouquet of a carburetor.
enthusiastic as I was.
some sort. Think of Turbo Tax or Dragon Dictation
But this Starbucks machine was different. After you swiped your credit card, you could see the gizmo
She almost snapped at me as she said, “They don’t have these machines in Canada, and they
right brain differences, then you believe that most of
just for starters.
THE POWER POINT 79
“FEELING STUPID” CAN UNDERMINE LEARNING IN GENERAL AND RISK-TAKING IN PARTICULAR. WE NEED TO FIGURE OUT A WAY TO ADDRESS THIS FEAR.
And it’s not just that technology is changing the
deflating for Sal, he quickly understood why: his stu-
YouTube video as often as you want to gain a deep
way we live and work. It is that the rate of that change
dents could stop, review, and redo part of the lectures
understanding of the concepts, and then you have the
is exploding before our eyes—even as we are trying
whenever they wanted—and they never felt stupid.
chance to apply those concepts when you are work-
to figure out what it will all mean. In the meantime,
That last point is important because “feeling stupid”
ing in class, either by yourself or with other students.
though, if you are interested in developing a UCC
can undermine learning in general and risk-taking in
It also gives teachers the opportunity to do more
application —I’m serious about this—please let me
particular. Especially given all that we know about the
academic coaching.
know. Can’t you just hear someone say, “UCC, yeah,
importance of creativity and its link with risk, we need
POINT THREE
we’ve got an app for that!”
to figure out a way to address this fear.
I know you are all very, very busy these days, but if
POINT TWO
As a result, Sal ended up putting more and more of
there is one story from the outside world that you
The best speaker I heard at the conference was a
his lessons on YouTube. Eventually Bill Gates found
need to be aware of it’s what is going on in North
young guy named Sal Khan. I’ll show you a clip on
out about his work, and the result is that Sal is now
Africa and in the Middle East. What is absolutely
him in a minute. The back-story is that Sal started to
building an on-line academy where anyone can learn
mind-boggling is that this amazing, and frightening
tutor his young cousins in math a few years ago, and
anything at anytime for free. (If you thought I was
and world-changing movement, one that has swept
because Sal lives in California and his cousins live in
worried about the “Principal’s Machine,” Sal’s “Khan
through Tunisia, Egypt, and now Libya and Bahrain,
New Orleans, he did this tutoring online.
Academy” takes my fear factor to a whole new level!)
started with one man, Mohamed Bouazizi. (face-
Take a look: khanacademy.org
book.com/Mohamed.Bouazizi.Legend.Never.Dies)
Sal’s cousins soon invited others to join the tutoring session, and eventually, because they had a hard
A final note on this: Sal Khan thinks that his
Tunisia is a country plagued by massive govern-
time juggling schedules, Sal started to put some of his
academy and others like it may cause us to “flip the
ment corruption, and one day last December—just
lessons on YouTube.
paradigm” of teaching. Some math teachers, for
two months ago—Mohamed Bouazizi, a fruit-seller,
example, are assigning Khan Academy videos for
decided he wouldn’t put up with it any more. (By
surprised Sal was that soon his cousins and the
homework, and this allows them to spend class time
the way, you can tell from the photoshopped poster,
other tutees told him that they actually preferred
doing what we traditionally think of as homework.
that Mohamed is already being glamourized. I’m
“YouTube Sal” to the real Sal. While it was a bit
The advantage is that you, again, can watch the
convinced that Hollywood will westernize all of this
Here’s where things get interesting: What
80 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
REMEMBER THE SIMPLE TRUTH THAT FIRST, MAN SHAPES TOOLS, AND THEN TOOLS SHAPE MAN.
somehow, and Harrison Ford or Justin Timberlake
didn’t allow people to vote, if they didn’t allow
will play Mohamed in the movie.)
women to drive a car, if they kept their populations
The true story is that, after being abused one
illiterate, we in the West turned a blind eye because
too many times by a government official, Mohamed
we wanted cheap fuel. On 9/11, we learned that we
literally set himself on fire as a means of protest, and
would pay a heavy price for these transgressions.
this fire has sparked cataclysmic change—not just
Those who were disenfranchised became radicalized,
in Tunisia but in the entire Arab world. Part of this
and they focused their fury on those who supported
is again, a result of technology. The authoritarian
their oppressors. As a result, today the United States
governments have tried to shut down the Internet,
is much less enthusiastic about supporting rulers
but smart people have found ways to work around
who do not have the support of their own people.
this, and pictures and videos of protesters have swept
It’s been said that the fax machine contributed to
So my three points from today: 1. Think about that Starbucks machine and what it means about the future—not just the future of coffee—but also about what this kind of technology will mean for how we live and work. 2. Take a look at Khan Academy’s web site. It could be a great resource and perhaps even a gamechanger for you. 3. Keep your eye on North Africa and the Middle East, and ask yourself about the role that technol-
the Berlin Wall coming down in 1989. In much the same
ogy plays in this and in the other social changes
Part of this historic change is a result of 9/11.
way, Facebook and other social media tools are making
that are heading our way. Every time you see
(Warning: the next section gets a little political.)
ours a more transparent world, a world where people in
a new gizmo, ask yourself what it may mean—
from one disgruntled country to another.
one country can see what happens in another. We can’t
beyond just the immediate convenience. And
regime, as long as they maintained stability kept
hide things from one another—for better or worse—and
remember the simple truth that first, man shapes
the flow of oil constant. So if the rulers of a country
repressive regimes are paying the price.
tools, and then tools shape man.
In the past, the US would support just about any
THE POWER POINT 81
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED NOVEMBER 22, 2010
THE END OF THE SEASON When I was a kid, my Dad and I would have a catch
A decade later, I was a Dad
every once in a while. I didn’t think much about it at
myself, and at one point, my wife
the time, but every week or so, we’d grab our gloves
and I had five kids under the age
and go out and throw the ball around in the street,
of seven and a half. Ours was a
right in front of our row house.
noisy, messy, semi-chaotic house.
As a result of this ritual, and also as a result of
It was also a lot of fun. I’m told Bill
the narrowness of Houston Road, I learned how to
Clinton was once President, but I
open manhole covers and sewer tops with the back of
have almost no recall of those eight
my heels, an essential life skill for would be hurlers
years. I was just a zombie.
blessed with my kind of control. As time went by, the catches became less frequent
“
In the daily drama of our lives, rituals slowly dissolve before our eyes, and often we don’t so much as blink at the change.
What I do remember, though, was that our daily routine involved giving the kids baths
often change without our being conscious of that change. We don’t notice the slow morphing of an ordinary moment. We aren’t aware of the fact that one stage is ending, even as another begins. In the daily drama of our lives, rituals slowly dissolve before our eyes, and often we don’t so much as blink at the change.
That is not the case, though, when changes
and then they gradually stopped altogether. I’m not
each night before bedtime. As they got older, of course,
exactly sure when or why this happened, and I didn’t
they became more independent, thank God, and they
Take, for example, two activities from this week
particularly notice at the time. I guess I had other
eventually moved on to the joys of showers. Before I
with our drama and athletic teams. There is a certain,
things on my mind. But it hit me one day when I
knew it, it was just Mr. Bubble and me in the tub.
inevitable rhythm to their scheduled flow. Games
are abrupt.
was in my 20s, that my Dad and I no longer played
In hindsight, again, I didn’t realize the finality in
and plays conclude. Runs, and seasons, end. We are
catch. And I realized, too, that years earlier, on the
the water of that last bath. I didn’t quite get the fact
profoundly aware of their finality. And we all move
day of that last catch, we didn’t know at the time that,
that there would be no more rubber duckies riding
on. Whether we want to or not.
when we threw our gloves in the back of the closet,
shotgun for me.
that that would be our final toss. It was an invisible, unconscious moment.
Whether it’s having a catch with a parent or running a bath for your kids, the daily elements of life
Late Wednesday night, after the last football game, a reflective IB2 boy told me, “Of course, I’d rather have won today, but it’s not the losing that really gets
82 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
IT’S CLICHÉ TO SAY, “SEIZE THE DAY,” BUT WE DO NEED TO GRASP THE SMALL MOMENTS AND RECOGNIZE WHAT WE OFTEN TAKE FOR GRANTED.
me. I got emotional at the end of the game. I felt like crying as the clock wound down those last few seconds.
won’t stop the clock, and it won’t bring back the time.
That’s especially important this time of year
As painful as these realizations may be, and I
when darkness grows, and the cold night air hints at
It hit me that I’ve been playing football since I was
don’t want to minimize them in any way, they are
endings. If, near the end of the year, you ask a Grade-
eight. It’s what I did all those years. And this afternoon,
a blessing.
12 student to speak at an assembly, odds are he’ll
I realized that with 30 seconds left, it was all coming to and end. That part of my life is all over.”
In a youth-worshipping, death-denying culture,
talk about how he wished he’d gotten more involved,
it is good to have these not-so gentle reminders that
taken more risks, participated in more clubs or
nothing lasts forever. Knowing that there is a final
teams. While he’s ready to move on, what he’d really
experience next Sunday evening. After all the time,
act is a sobering but necessary realization. There are
like, in his heart of hearts, is just a little more time.
the energy, the rehearsals, the work, you will take
no 1,000 year-old men in our Old Boy directory. Not
Our IB2 football player grasped all of this with
your last bow, and you will walk off the stage, and it
even at UCC. Life is limited. Grade 11 may feel like
30 seconds to go in his final high school game. His
will be over. You may have the opportunity to break
it goes on forever, but that’s only a temporary feeling.
realization is ours, and it’s a dope-slap of a blessing,
up the set on Monday, but that will only reinforce
It, too, will end.
The actors involved in No Exit will have the same
the notion of finality. In the months ahead, the same
but it might be just what we need to remind our-
It’s cliché to say, “seize the day,” but we do need
selves of the ordinary and wonderful moments that
cycle will play itself out on the debaters, musicians,
to grasp the small moments and recognize what we
are all around us—if only we have the will to recog-
and stewards. There is eventually a last concert, a
often take for granted: the encouragement of a friend,
nize them for what they are.
culminating competition, a final event, and you are
success on a test, a family dinner, and the camarade-
done. You can hum Glory Days all you want, but it
rie of a team.
THE POWER POINT 83
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED NOVEMBER 24, 2014
A SONG, A PROTEST, AND A BETRAYAL I was rummaging through the psychic sock drawer this
Chinese Old Boys, of which the vast majority looked
most of our Hong Kong Old Boys are convinced the
morning and stumbled upon three disconnected items:
at this issue from an entirely different perspective.
occupy movement will end within a month.)
SOCK ONE
Almost everyone believed that, while more direct
Third, because of the traffic disruption, busi-
I want to express my gratitude to the many Maple
representation might be a good thing, the occupy
nesses have been cut off from their customers, and as
Leaf fans that came through in the clutch last week.
movement made five fundamental mistakes:
a result, many small business owners are now close
When a technical problem knocked out the Air
First, the students broke the law by occupying
to bankruptcy, an eventuality that apparently has not
Canada Centre’s microphone during the singing
the streets without even applying for a permit. I’m
of the U.S. national anthem, Toronto fans picked
not sure we in the West can ever properly appreciate
right up where the singer left off and finished the
how important the rule of order is for the Chinese,
extraordinarily-difficult-to-sing Star Spangled
but even the thought of mob rule is extraordinarily
in Hong Kong than do citizens in any other part
Banner—without musical accompaniment. On behalf
disturbing in a country with 1.3 billion people.
of China. “The fact that the Hong Kong protesters
of 330 million countrymen and women, let me thank
Second, the protesters
caused the student-protesters to lose much sleep. One Old Boy pointed out that the students don’t appreciate the fact that they have more freedom
expect so much more for
you for a very graceful gesture!
inconvenienced many
themselves irks me” he
SOCK TWO
people by disrupting
said, “and reinforces the
Hong Kong’s extensive
belief that the protesters
transportation system. As
are out of touch.”
You may remember that at an assembly last month, Kinton Cheung gave an impassioned speech in support of the Occupy Central movement in Hong Kong. Afterwards a number of students and teachers came forward to don yellow ribbons to promote the democratic cause. Last week I visited China and it’s not surprising that this topic came up in almost every conversation, but what was surprising was the reaction of our
the protest has continued,
A number of parents
support for the students
and Old Boys pointed
has steadily diminished;
with pride to the fact that
the latest poll shows
the government has, for
that most Hong Kong
the most part, shown
people want the protest
restraint throughout
to end immediately. (And
this ordeal; they believe
84 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
Beijing learned an important lesson at Tiananmen
But that, it turns out, was my mistake because
on steroids? Whatever it is, it’s not good for the soul,
Square in 1989. They also think the people of Taiwan
Bill Cosby was not at all like the wise, caring, and
this kind of disappointment. It can leave you cynical,
and Tibet are closely monitoring how the govern-
compassionate Dr. Huxtable.
and that’s not good for any of us.
ment deals with all of this, because it is entirely
Like a lot of folks my age, I feel more than let
What makes it all the worse is the fact that so
possible that someday in the not-too-distant future,
down. Maybe it’s because I’m from Philadelphia,
many women did not feel they could even come
the Tibetans and the Taiwanese may find themselves
Cosby’s hometown, and went to high school in North
forward for so many years—because Bill Cosby was
in a similar situation.
Philly, right down the street from Temple University,
such a cultural icon.
I took a couple of photos of Occupy Central, and
Cosby’s alma mater, where he serves on the Board
If there are lessons to be learned, perhaps they
like most visitors, I was struck by how organized and
of Trustees. This time it all feels more personal. It’s
are two: one, we shouldn’t confuse the artist with the
orderly the protesters were. This looks more like a
worse than when Woody Allen broke the “creep-
art. The fact that you are good at something, even
Mountain Equipment Co-op than your typical Times
o-meter” index by marrying his adopted daughter.
family sit-coms, does not necessarily mean you are a
Square protest.
Woody and Bill both made us laugh, but Cosby was
good person. There is, after all, a profound difference
SOCK THREE
the comedian we all trusted.
between the dancer and the dance.
You may have seen the beyond-disturbing reports in the news last week about Bill Cosby. A number
In a strange way, Cosby’s sin is more disturbing than the infidelities of presidents and preachers.
And second, the Cosby case shows us just how much more work we need to do in order to create
of women have recently come forward to accuse
That’s because The Cosby Show was all about good-
a more equal society, one where the powerful don’t
the 77-year-old TV comic and icon of being a serial
ness. It was about a Dad’s helping his adolescent kids
overwhelm and intimidate those with less social or
rapist. When I first read this, I was just gob-smocked.
come of age in an almost too good to be true family,
financial standing.
I still can’t quite come to grips with this because, if
in an almost too good to be true post-racial setting.
you had asked me to give you an example of a good
I’m not quite sure what the Canadian equivalent
We all need to work to create a society where women are on equal footing with men, a society where
father, a good husband, and a good man, I would have
of this would be for you. Would it be finding out that
the weakest among us can stand up to injustice, even
given you Dr. Bill Cosby, a.k.a Dr. Cliff Huxtable of
Peter Mansbridge was a cokehead or discovering 30
when that injustice is committed by a popular, power-
The Cosby Show.
years after his career ended, that Gretzky had been
ful man sporting a smile and a funky sweater.
THE POWER POINT 85
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED OCTOBER 21, 2014
VERITAS: OR WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT HUMAN NATURE AT DUNKIN DONUTS I was in Boston this weekend for the Head of the
preservative. Novgorod is Russia’s Pompeii, if you
Charles Regatta, and because we have a relationship
will, and scientists there have discovered thousands of
Those two words took my breath away. Think
with Harvard, our fans had the chance to watch the race
artefacts, including letters from the 13th century, let-
about that for just a second. A six-year-old boy, a boy
from their boathouse. If you’ve ever been to Harvard,
ters which were actually carved into birch bark. (Talk
the age of our Grade 1 lads, muses about himself or
you cannot help but notice its motto Veritas (“truth” in
about the need to choose your words wisely!)
ponders some image of himself 754 years ago, and
Latin); it is visible all over campus. While Veritas may
One letter, which was written from a father,
Onfim wrote—and I love this—“I, beast.”
he expresses his dreams in one word: “beast.” From
lack the commanding imperative of Palmam qui meruit
named Onus, to his son, Danillo, says, “Send me
ferat, it does possess an intriguing simplicity.
a shirt, towel, and trousers…” and as if to inject a
the same word I heard on the sidelines of last Friday
little dark, dark ages humour, Onus ends his note by
night’s football game, after a particularly violent hit
saying, “and if I am alive, I will pay you.”
under the lights. “That guy’s a beast!”
You can’t help but ask yourself, what is the ‘truth’ that Harvard’s founders so intentionally wanted us to consider? I believe it starts with understanding the
Another birch-bark epistle is something of a love
an echo lasting almost eight centuries, this is exactly
And what’s amazing about all of this is that Onfim
truth about human nature, and this morning I want
poem. Mikita writes to Anna, “Marry me. I want you,
didn’t have Netflix. He never had the pleasure of
to talk about that nature by looking at two incidents,
and you me.” OK. OK. It’s not exactly Wordsworth
seeing the film Braveheart. In fact, he never viewed
two very human moments, which revealed something
or Keats, but remember the author didn’t have
so much as a single Under Armor ad. Without ever
about our nature to me just yesterday, when I was in
ChristianMingle.com, so poor Mikita had to find
hearing anything from the muses of Madison Avenue,
the land of Veritas.
God’s match for him using only a chunk of wood!
Onfim wanted to “protect his house.” He wanted to
As is want to happen from time to time, I found
But the letters that grabbed my attention were
be a beast.
myself reading a newspaper at a coffee shop, (not
written in the year 1260 by a six-year-old boy named
to name drop but it was a Dunkin Donuts) where I
Onfim. Some of these include Onfim’s school-work.
want to excel in some way, to stand out, to triumph.
stumbled upon an article about Novgorod, a city in
It turns out he was a doodler! Onfim left us a number
Who hasn’t had a heroic daydream or two—since
Russia that was built upon what scientists call “magi-
of drawings; in one he pictures himself riding trium-
breakfast? And we want to be able to point to our
cal mud.” The ground in this part of Russia has almost
phantly as a warrior on horseback. In another, he
own triumphant beastliness in some way. Did you
no oxygen, and as a result, the soil acts as a natural
features a four-legged animal with a tail, and under it,
ever notice how athletes celebrate after moments of
We share something of Onfim’s nature. We
86 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
LIKE ONFIM, WE YEARN TO DISTINGUISH OURSELVES. AND LIKE THAT ANONYMOUS COLLEGE STUDENT, WE ARE COMPELLED TO RESPOND TO OTHERS.
success? Take a look at the YouTube video of Chris
and she had either come in to Dunkin Donuts in
Amoah’s first touchdown run for Laval. Even fans get
order to purchase a bagel for the stranger or, after
human nature, but I think that Onfim and the woman
into the act.
buying a bagel for herself, she then noticed the
from Wisconsin speak to two truths, truths that
woman in need as she walked out of the store.
are occasionally in tension with one another. One
While we ourselves may not draw animal images on birch bark, or pound our chests in delight, think
I can’t quite figure out which is the more altruis-
There are lots of other layers of reality within
focuses on the push for individual success, while the
about the guttural sounds and the booming cheers of
tic scenario, but it struck me that a part of our nature
other impels us to connect with the wider commu-
our Blue Army on the sidelines Friday night. Do you
involves compassion.
nity. Like Onfim, we yearn to distinguish ourselves.
see a connection, you beasts?
There is something in our nature that makes us
And like that anonymous college student, we are
(By the way, as an aside: imagine how tough it
instinctively respond to others when they are in need,
was taking the IB Language and Literature course in
even when those others are complete strangers. That
the 1200s. Can you imagine what it would be like to
Badger fan didn’t do it for a prize or a point or even
sheep” and William Deresiewicz‘s criticism of
do multiple re-writes on birch wood? “But, Sir, my
for the Duke of Ed; she simply responded to what
approval-addicted “Hipsters.” What I learned
rock’s not sharp any more!”)
she saw. It is the same altruistic impulse that led
in a Cambridge Dunkin Donuts makes me think
As I was thinking about my friend, Onfim, I hap-
my friend, an infectious disease doctor named Tim
that the veritas of human nature is that, when we
pened to glance out the window in time to notice as
Flanigan, to leave his family and friends this fall to
follow what Lincoln called “the better angels of our
compelled to respond to others. A month ago I talked to you about “excellent
a young woman wearing a red Wisconsin Badgers
volunteer in Liberia. Isn’t it telling, in a way, that we
nature,” we’re not so much dutiful sheep as we are
sweatshirt walked over and gave a homeless woman
call this kind of service “humanitarian”? It is literally
compassionate beasts.
the bagel she had just purchased. The Wisconsin fan
of us, and on our better days, this impulse defines us.
had been in line in front of me just moments before,
I hope our old pal Onfim would approve.
THE POWER POINT 87
Inspiration & Leadership
“
UCC was brought to life, not by a committee, or a consensus of the best and brightest, but springing like Athene, out of the head of one decisive, strong-willed, arrogant man, who was not very knowledgeable about either education or the environment in which he was operating. RICHARD HOWARD (COLBORNE’S LEGACY)
88 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED JANUARY 15, 2011
A SCHOOL HEAD’S STORY Heads of school know what it’s like when schooling
become friends over the years)
is painful. “I was the Head of a boys’ school in a city
and I said, ‘Look. We’re no longer
that had a good number of really strong boys’ schools.
competitors. Can you tell me what
Ours was terrific, but I’d be less than honest if I said
makes this place so good? How do
we were clearly the ‘best’ of those schools. Each had
you do it?’
its own niche and its own strengths. One of these schools, though, had an incredible—
He went over and closed the door. Then he looked around the
for lack of a better word—I’ll call it ‘culture.’ We all
room for bugs. (For a moment I
talk about individual attention and about making
thought he was going to give me the
sure kids don’t fall through the cracks, but these folks
secret recipe to Colonel Sanders’
really had that down pat. You could just feel it when
Kentucky Fried Chicken!)
you walked into the building. The adults there really cared about their kids. It was almost palpable.
“
You could just feel it when you walked into the building. The adults there really cared about their kids. It was almost palpable.
Then he said something that has stayed with me for years: ‘I have a learning disability. I never did
grades than I did in school. In other words, what we have here is a school full of teachers who struggled in school. Lots of them had undiagnosed learning issues, and some just came from tough home situations. But what we all have in common is this: we know what it’s like when schooling is painful. Because of that, I think
we can connect with boys in a way that a school full of Ivy Leaguers never could. I’ve got nothing against the Penn and Columbia crowd, but what we’ve
Before I moved, I went over to have a last cup of
well in school. I spent most of my life on academic
got here, well, it’s not something you’d pick up in
coffee with the Head of this amazing school (we had
probation, and I never hire anyone who had higher
Harvard Yard’.”
THE POWER POINT 89
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FEBRUARY 13, 2014
SIR JOHN AND BASIL FAWLTY Good morning and welcome to our annual Founder’s
worth noting that the Family
Day Assembly.
Compact’s spiritual leader
Let me begin with a confession: when I first
was a man named Bishop
landed here a decade ago, having absolutely no
Strachan.) Colborne was,
understanding of Canadian history (I didn’t even
though, a stunningly coura-
know who had actually won the War of 1812!) let
geous military man who was
alone the history of this wonderful school, I remem-
wise enough to start a school
ber looking up at the portrait that dominates Laidlaw
and never foolish enough to
Hall and thinking, “Wow! I’ve never seen George
run it. As a military man, he
Washington in red before.”
knew the value of delegating!
Forgive me! It was only later that I could begin to fully appreciate just how offensive such ignorance might have been to Lord Seaton. To compensate for this shortcoming, I threw myself into a book called Colborne’s Legacy, written by former Prep Headmaster Richard Howard, and there I discovered five things every UCC boy should know about our founder.
“
Colborne was, though, a stunningly courageous military man who was wise enough to start a school and never foolish enough to run it.
2. On this point: Colborne hired the first principal,
me. If you ever catch me muttering, “Don’t mention the war!” under my breath—I hope you’ll understand.) By the way, when Reverend Harris retired, he did so by announcing that, “The labours of the present situation were too onerous to be relinquished with regret.” Reverend Harris was 38 at the time.
3. As great as UCC’s aspirations have been, it has
an Anglican minister from England named James
never been nirvana; it had personnel challenges
Harris, (You can see his dashing portrait right
right from the start. Members of the Classics
above that of Mr. Blakey’s) who led the school for
Department, Masters Phillips, Matthews and
eight years. Here’s a little UCC/ TV trivia: when
Boulton, questioned Colborne about their rela-
Harris retired, he like Colborne himself, moved
tionship with the principal. They were unhappy
to a part of England called Torquay—which
because they believed they had been hired to be
happens to be the setting of my favourite British
Reverend Harris’ colleagues. Instead Harris had
comedy, Fawlty Towers, which revolves around
ended up treating them as “assistants or ushers.”
was not an educator or a politician, and he
the misadventures of an utterly pretentious and
This may explain why Harris retired at 38.
wasn’t a part of—or even a particular friend
completely inept hotel owner named Basil Fawlty.
of—the Family Compact, the Tory group that
(There are days when I wonder if there is some
led Upper Canada from 1812 to 1840. (It’s
sort of mysterious connection between Basil and
1. It’s worth knowing what Colborne was not. He
4. Colborne was a headstrong and thoroughly non-collegial leader. No slave to process, at one
90 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
THAT STRANGER WAS RIGHT. THIS SCHOOL MATTERS. A GREAT DEAL. AND I THINK THAT ITS FOUNDER WOULD LIKE THAT.
point without consulting anyone, he actually sus-
attempt to have the school be as accessible as
up here. The boy from Andover may go to California
pended the school charter, an act that completely
possible, and yet despite that noble effort, the
for university and end up working in Oklahoma City
dumbfounded the Family Compact members,
school had status right from its start. For one
before settling in Cincinnati or some place where
especially Bishop Strachan. At one point William
thing, it was a “college” and not just a school or
nobody knows anything about where he went to high
Lyon Mackenzie actually drew up Articles of
an academy; it was almost a university, and for
school. On the other hand UCC boys, some of them
Impeachment against Colborne for his conduct
another, it had a principal, not just a headmaster.
may go abroad for a time, but the great majority of
of the College. Howard points out that, “UCC
Howard writes that, “From the day it opened, the
them are going to live in one of three Canadian cities,
was brought to life, not by a committee or a con-
School reflected the image of exclusiveness, an
and where they went to high school will matter for
sensus of the best and brightest, but springing
image which it never lost.”
the rest of their lives.”)
like Athene (the goddess of heroic endeavour)
I remember a Grade 12 boy telling me, “I know
out of the head of one decisive, strong-willed,
people perceive us as arrogant, but no matter what
arrogant man, who was not very knowledgeable
we do, I think UCC boys will always be seen under
about either education or the environment in
the shadow of the clock tower.”
which he was operating.” (There are days when
(A personal aside: the summer I moved to
That stranger was right. This school matters. A great deal. And I think that its founder would like that. He might also like the fact that nearly two centuries after he founded this institution, we still reflect the personality of one decisive, confident, strong-
I find both great inspiration and great solace in
Toronto, I bumped into an American who had been
those words!)
living in Canada for some time, and he offered me
the Crown had originally designated for the future
this advice, “You think you are moving to Andover
University of Toronto, and was willing to use them to
or Deerfield or some place like that. But it’s different
create his school, his Upper Canada College.
5. Colborne deliberately set the tuition fees as $8 for day students and $25 for boarders in an
willed man, a man who was willing to take funds that
THE POWER POINT 91
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED JUNE 2, 2010
ON BULLYING I know a good number of you were participating in the Ontario Model Parliament at Queen’s Park last
London School of Economics. Ben said: “Too many of us only
week, so you were not here on Friday when Old Boy
see the world from the top-down. If
Ben Peterson, talked to us about an organization he
you look bottom-up, it’s amazing
co-founded, JHR, Journalists for Human Rights.
what you’ll find. My experience of
Ben told us the story of how he became a jour-
being bullied at UCC helped me
nalist, how he witnessed terrible human rights
understand deep emotional scars in
violations in Africa, and what he did to make a differ-
others. It helped me become more
ence, especially in Liberia, a country where women
compassionate, especially as I saw
were brutally beaten on the streets by their husbands
human rights violations in Africa.”
while others cheered. Ben came to the conclusion
I hope that no one in this audi-
that, if you could direct an intense media spotlight
ence is going through what Ben
on human rights issues, you had a chance to address
endured. I think that schools have
them, and that’s how he is trying to make a difference.
made strides to address bullying
As laudable as Ben’s story was, I confess that I was also struck when he talked candidly about his own short-lived career at UCC. He admitted that his years
“
We absolutely, positively have to be a place where everybody feels comfortable, no matter his size, ethnicity, race, religion, orientation, persuasion, inclination, you name it.
you’ll talk to an adult about your concern. You don’t even have to give up names. Just go to a teacher or administrator or a nurse or counselor in the Health Centre, someone you feel comfortable talking to—and just describe the situation and ask for advice. This is a very important subject at all schools, but especially at UCC. This is not a “nice-to-have” for us—it is a “got-to-have” situation. We absolutely, positively have to be a place where everybody feels
in recent years, but I’d be naïve if I didn’t suspect that,
comfortable, no matter his size, ethnicity, race, reli-
despite our best efforts, some guys still get picked on.
gion, orientation, persuasion, inclination, you name
If you are a bully, stop and ask yourself why you
it. And we need you to look out for one another, and
at UCC were one of the toughest times in his life. He
have a need to be aggressive with someone you per-
especially for guys who may sometimes be victimized
was in the bottom of the class at the Prep. He wasn’t
ceive as vulnerable. If you are a victim of bullying
by others who are more aggressive.
athletic, and he found himself the constant butt of
yourself, or if you think a friend or classmate is being
jokes. A self-described social outcast, Ben left UCC in
victimized, I hope you’ll do something about it.
Grade 9, and then went on to North Toronto, before experiencing great success at Queen’s and then at the
I suggest that, even if you aren’t 100% sure but you think someone might be becoming a victim, I hope
Ben Peterson talked about trying to make a difference, but he also stressed, quite wisely, that you don’t have to go to Liberia to start doing just that. Thank you Ben.
92 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED FEBRUARY 8, 2010
A GAME TO REMEMBER A reflection for a post-Superbowl morning:
honor and rule-abidingness—traits
The columnist, David Brooks, recently observed that:
that were important to a class trying
“Throughout Western history, there have been three major athletic traditions. First, there was the Greek tradition. Greek sports were highly individualistic. There was little interest in teamwork. Instead sports
to manage a far-flung empire.” (Remember the film, Chariots of Fire?) It’s interesting to ponder—on the
were supposed to inculcate aristocratic virtues like
day after the Superbowl, how the
courage and endurance. They gave individuals a way
Greeks, Romans, and British created
to achieve eternal glory.
a context for today’s sports world.
Then, there was the Roman tradition. In ancient Rome, free men did not fight in the arena. Roman
In Miami we witnessed indi-
“
It’s interesting to ponder—on the day after the Superbowl, how the Greeks, Romans, and British created a context for today’s sports world.
vidual excellence (Drew Brees),
Ireland from the World Cup. At the time, I said that, while I didn’t like it, it’s hard to imagine anyone doing anything other than what the French did—which was to accept the goal and move on. But then Mr. White, our Athletic Director at the Prep, reminded me of something that once happened at a Prep hockey game.
sports were a spectacle organized by the government.
the power of the state, (the absolutely over-the-top
The free Romans watched while the slaves fought
extravagance of the event itself, complete with the
that is described in a letter I received February 15,
and were slaughtered. The entertainment empha-
Star Spangled Banner, Air Force flyover and The
2005, five years ago this week:
sized the awesome power of the state.
Who), and of course the sense of loyalty and honour
(Remember the movie, Gladiator?) Finally, there was the British tradition. In the
that were displayed among teammates.
Some of you may have been on Mr. Perren’s team
“Dear Sir, I would like to take this opportunity to commend
I’d like you to focus, though, on Brooks’ last
the Upper Canada College athletic program and
Victorian era, elite schools used sports to form a
line—that the object of sports was to inculcate loy-
coaches. I recently watched the performance of
hardened ruling class. Unlike the Greeks, the British
alty and honor.
the Upper Canada College Under 14 hockey team.
placed tremendous emphasis on team play and sports-
A few weeks ago, you may remember my com-
manship. If a soccer team committed a foul, it would
plaining—okay, maybe I was whining (you see I’m
withdraw its goalie to permit the other team to score.
not Greek, Roman, or British)—about Thierry Henry,
The object was to inculcate a sense of group loyalty,
the French soccer player whose handball ousted
The team played at a high level and showed great sportsmanship. Attending the recent Lower Canada College tournament in Montreal, I watched a game between
THE POWER POINT 93
WHAT MR. PERREN AND THE U-14 HOCKEY TEAM DID...WAS TO SHOW ALL OF US WHAT HONOUR LOOKS LIKE.
Appleby College and UCC. (I happen to be the father
and fans. The efforts of both teams
of an Appleby player).
were at a maximum level in this
During the first period, a UCC player shot the
close athletic match. The hockey
puck towards the goal. Due to poor positioning by
game remained close until later in
the officials, some controversy arose over whether
the final period when UCC scored
the puck crossed the line. Following a conference
additional goals. The UCC coach
between the officials, a goal was awarded to UCC. The
later said, ‘My players on the ice
Appleby coach politely presented his case of an errant
said the shot was not a goal.’
shot without success. Next the UCC coach signaled
I am compelled to write to
“
An athletic competition is played, not only for the outcome but also for the activity itself and to learn sportsmanship.
the official for a conference. My first reaction was that
ensure you are aware of this great
the Appleby College and UCC rivalry must start at
act of sportsmanship by your coach
an early age. To my astonishment, I saw the official
and players. An athletic competition is played, not
proceed toward the Appleby College goalie, signal for
only for the outcome but also for the activity itself
a face-off near the goal, and wave off the goal.
and to learn sportsmanship.
With the score remaining tied during most of the
UCC’s hockey team displayed true sportsman-
game, the contest was most enjoyable for the parents
ship. As Old Boys, this will be a proud moment for
them to reflect on.” I don’t know if our players remember that moment or even that game, but clearly what happened at the LCC tournament in 2005 involved much more than hockey. What Mr. Perren and the U-14 hockey team did—in that simple yet completely counter-cultural moment, was to show all of us
what honour looks like. I hope that their example will stay with all of us as we continue to compete on the ice, and on the hardwood, fields, and courts of life.
94 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED AUGUST 11, 2009
MRS. SHRIVER’S LEGACY When I learned that Eunice Kennedy Shriver had
In hindsight I realize that I dodged a bullet that
that cold Saturday morning, it puts a little spring
passed away early this morning after a life very well
weekend. You know how small kids often say, “My
in my step. Eunice’s son wasn’t just basking in his
lived, I thought of two memories.
daddy is older than or bigger than or stronger than
family’s fame. He was actually there, with the future
First, when my wife and I and the two children
your daddy.” I think that I would not have measured
special Olympians, and he and his own children were,
we had at that time, moved to Washington, DC 15
up all that well next to The Terminator. My kids
as they say, living the mission.
years ago, Mrs. Shriver, whose sons graduated from
might have been psychologically scarred for life!
There will be a lot written about Eunice, and
Georgetown Prep (where I was then Head), called
Second, a friend of ours who has a daughter with
my wife—with that very sharp Bostonian accent of
Down’s syndrome, once invited us to come to one of
killed, that her husband started the Peace Corps, and
hers—and invited us over to her home.
Lucy’s basketball games. On a sleepy Saturday morn-
that she started the Special Olympics movement.
Her daughter had just flown in from California
ing, we showed up to cheer Lucy on, and there in the
I’m sure they’ll mention that she had three brothers
But what will stay with me is that Mrs. Shriver
with her husband for the weekend, and their children
middle of the gym was Mark Shriver, Eunice’s son,
was able to not just talk about service and caring for
were roughly our children’s age. Neither of us at the
coordinating all of the activity. His young sons were
others, but that she was able to instil those values in
time actually knew who these Californians were, not
there also, coaching the teams, playing with the kids,
her own children.
that it would have mattered, but because of a pre-
and having a great time.
viously scheduled commitment, we weren’t able to spend that Saturday with the Shrivers.
It’s easy to be cynical these days. And it’s easy to be critical of the Kennedys. But when I think about
A wonderful, wonderful legacy for someone whose son-in-law is, after all, bigger and stronger than my sons’ daddy.
THE POWER POINT 95
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED MAY 6, 2013
THE THINGS WE HOISTED Every school has its own unique culture, and one of
I was dumbfounded, but again, I
the hallmarks of UCC is the relentless pursuit of and
was a stranger in a strange land. (By
celebration of success.
the way, I would soon learn that the
I first learned about the latter—what I like to
celebration of self is not so much
think of as our flair for self-celebration—during the
a Canadian thing as it is a UCC
fall of my first year as Principal, when a boy came
thing.) An hour later, I called the
into my office early one Monday morning to tell me
boy up to the stage here in Laidlaw
about an academic prize he had won the previous
Hall and presented him with his
weekend. I, of course, congratulated him on his
prize. The students all applauded.
accomplishment, but I could tell right away that he
Some even yelled, “Hoist!” and
was disappointed with my response.
the boy in question seemed quite
Sensing that I didn’t quite understand his real purpose, the boy pointed to the plaque he was holding,
pleased by the whole thing. Sometimes in a culture like
a plaque, which had his name prominently displayed
ours, a culture where success is
on it and said, “I’d like you to present this award to
pursued and recognized at almost
“
But of course, we will all fail, and rather than fleeing from or denying this reality, we need to see that failure is actually a vitally important building block for any meaningful longterm success.
Philip Schultz wasn’t able to read until he was 11. By then he’d repeated a year, and he saw himself as a member of the “dummy section.” Today we would understand that Schultz had dyslexia, but nobody knew that at the time. All they knew was that this kid couldn’t read. (An aside: research suggests that dyslexics are four times more likely to become millionaires than are members of the general population. Remind me to tell you why this is sometime. In the meantime,
me.” I thought this was a strange request, but I was
all costs, it is tough to cope with or
new to the country and thought that perhaps this was
learn from failure. But of course, we will all fail, and
clutch before making fun of someone because you
a Canadian thing. So with what I hoped was an appro-
rather than fleeing from or denying this reality, we
think he’s not quite smart enough.)
priately elevated degree of decorum, I took the plaque
need to see that failure is actually a vitally important
and was in the process or returning it to him when he
building block for any meaningful long-term success.
said, “No, what I mean is, I’d like you to present this plaque to me during this morning’s assembly.”
As an example, let me tell you a story, taken almost directly from Psychology Today:
though, you might want to double
Back to our friend, Phil. When a teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, Phil said he wanted to be a writer. The teacher laughed out loud. “I wasn’t insulted, “
96 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
Schultz recalls. “I understood it was a funny thing to
through the plainspoken language in this poetry was
Rowling admits, “Failure stripped away everything
hear from someone who hated to read and couldn’t
unlike anything Schultz had produced before.
inessential. It taught me things about myself I could
write a simple English sentence.” The consequence of Schultz’ being a perceived as a “dummy” was “exile to shameful outsider-dom.”
He called the collection Failure. On its cover: the image of a bent nail in a board. In 2008 it won the Pulitzer Prize for poetry.
have learned no other way.” Second, resiliency is the key to dealing with and learning from failure, but schools, and especially
That sense of being an outsider, of not fitting in, is
I offer two takeaways this morning:
private ones, sometimes undermine your resiliency.
often just the kind of experience from which writers
First, failure is a necessary ingredient in the recipe
We have a tendency to bubble-wrap kids from fail-
and leaders are made. With “the loneliness of having
for greatness. Almost all successful leaders endured
ure, and as a result, we can sometimes appear to be
so little expected of him, and the pain of being over-
terrible setbacks. Failure seems particularly effective,
the land of the precious and the brittle. But as one
looked and forgotten,” Schultz had time for careful
by the way, if it occurs between your late teens and
particularly insightful Year 2 boy said recently, to
attention to his interior life. As a result, Schultz
early 30s, perhaps because if you are resilient (more
move forward in life, sometimes you have to be able
spent a great deal of his time in isolation, work-
on that in a second), you have the ability to rebound.
to “drink the pain.”
ing towards the one career for which his teachers
Remember that Churchill and Kennedy floundered in
Today marks the beginning of Mental Health
school, and Steve Jobs dropped out of college and was
Awareness Week, and one small part of good mental
later fired by the company he had created.
health seems to be the ability to cope with and learn
thought he was most ill-suited, poetry. Cut to 2007. A working poet at this point, Schultz had realized that almost everything he wrote about was failure. Failure was his clay. He was especially
Remember, too, that J.K. Rowling lived in pov-
from setbacks. While I am happy for the boy who
erty, raising her young daughter on her own, as she
won that plaque many years ago, I wonder if he—and
interested in writing about his dad—a drunkard
tried to recover from a failed marriage. Despite all
all of us for that matter—might be better off getting a
who’d been a lousy parent and a worse provider. He
of this, she continued to scribble away at her fiction
board with a bent nail.
eventually managed to write a number of very per-
every day at a coffee shop, as she tried to create
sonal poems about his father, and the power that shot
a character she would one day call Harry Potter.
That would surely be something worthy of a “hoist!”
THE POWER POINT 97
Being
“
Cowardly Lion: All right, I’ll go in there for Dorothy. Wicked Witch or no Wicked Witch, guards or no guards, I’ll tear them apart. I may not come out alive, but I’m going in there. There’s only one thing I want you fellows to do. Tin Woodsman, Scarecrow: What’s that? Cowardly Lion: Talk me out of it! WIZARD OF OZ FRANK BAUM
98 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED MARCH 2, 2010
A WHOLE NEW MIND Last week Old Boy Constantine Lai spoke to us about the importance of understanding your own motivation for learning. I’d like to follow up on this by sharing a few
Founder’s Day, you’ll know why. Pink believes that as we move from an industrial economy—where most people make a living by making things in a factory-like setting, to the new economy,
associate with right-brain work, and this should have a major impact on how we educate students today. The two questions I hope you’re asking yourself right now are these:
thoughts from Daniel Pink’s book A Whole New
the right-brain becomes more and more important.
Mind, a book I liked so much that I shared it with 50
If you tend to rely exclusively on your left-brain, you
have all seen industries move from Canada and the
faculty members last summer.
may be facing stiffer competition in the future because
U.S. to Mexico, then to China, then to Pakistan and
a lot of that left-brain work, work that operates with
now to Vietnam and Laos. We can moan and groan
at the left-brain vs. right-brain metaphor, with the
a rigid set of principles that are continually applied
all we want, but even Bruce Springsteen knows in
left-brain focusing on linear, analytic, and sequential
in a step-by-step process, that work may be done by a
his heart of hearts that those factories and those jobs
work, and the right focusing on creativity, innovation,
machine or by someone in the developing world who
aren’t coming back.
and teaming, and says that schools tend to do a much
will work for a much lower wage.
Pink makes two important points. First, he looks
better job on the former, in part because it is so much
What will become more important in this brave
First, is Pink right? (I happen to think he is. We
The more important question is, if Pink is right, what does this really mean for me? I’d answer that
easier to measure a student’s math performance than
new economic world will be people who can work
question by asking another question. (Have you ever
it is to measure his work in the area of innovation.
well with others, who are good at teaming, who have
heard the one about the guy who asks his friend,
Second, Pink believes that school curriculums
a high degree of what we presently call “emotional
“Why do you always answer a question with a ques-
follow economies. There is a reason why no high
intelligence,” as we well those with a strong aptitude
tion? To which he responds, “Why shouldn’t I answer
school in North America teaches the Irish language
for innovation and creativity. Pink points out, for
a question with a question?”)
because Ireland is—and I hope my Irish relatives will
example, that leadership never gets outsourced.
forgive me—not a key driver in the modern economy.
I know this may sound a bit lofty for the first
There are, by contrast, many compelling reasons why
Monday morning in March, so let me reset. Pink
lots of schools have added Mandarin in the last few
believes that in the future different skills and values
years. And if you remember Mike Evans’ speech from
will become more important—especially those we
But the questions for you should be: How can I learn to be creative, innovative, and a good teammate? How can I improve my people skills and develop a sense of leadership?
THE POWER POINT 99
IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT GETTING A GRADE. IT’S ABOUT UNDERSTANDING YOUR OWN MOTIVATION AND GAINING AN UNDERSTANDING OF THE WORLD AND OF YOURSELF.
I will end this morning with two quick observations:
Pink points out that, to take just one example,
Even a partial list of those who might today qual-
boys who are dyslexic, a very broad term that refers
ify as people who “learn differently” would include
to a processing challenge where sometimes students
Einstein, Charles Schwab, Tommy Hilfiger, Winston
to describe all that that take place here after 3:30
invert letters, people with this “ailment” are four
“Never. Never. Never give up” Churchill, Alexander
each day. Co-curricular may sound a bit wonky, but
times as likely as their peers to become millionaires.
Graham Bell (a great Canadian, by the way), Walt
it captures the fact that many of the most important
When you think about this for a moment, it makes
Disney, and Beethoven. Did you know that Thomas
lessons you’ll learn will take place in a theatre, on a
perfect sense. People who can’t become accountants,
Edison, was actually taken out of school by his
field, at a service placement, or on the ice.
for example, because they can’t do lots of linear, ana-
mother because his teachers at school thought he was
lytic work, develop different skills. In the way a blind
mentally handicapped?
First, I no longer use the word “extracurricular”
And second, for the last 20 years, we have been trying to come to grips with students whose minds
man develops an acute sense of hearing, these guys
work differently, not poorly mind you, but differently.
tend to develop other ways of solving the problem
studying math or science. Far from it. You want to
Take ADHD, for just one example.
or creating the product. Lots of spectacularly suc-
develop both sides of your brain, and develop all of
cessful entrepreneurs, by the way have some sort of
your skills. But remember what Constantine said. It’s
someone who could sit still in a desk for 10 hours at
processing challenge, and because they can’t do that
not just about getting a grade or gaining a ticket to
a time. They needed someone who noticed the lion
left-brain work, they develop incredible people skills,
university. It’s about understanding your own moti-
sneaking through the trees. A lot of those folks who
and that ability to connect with all kinds of folks ends
vation and gaining an understanding of the world and
could sit perfectly still and remain perfectly focused
up making them who they are.
of yourself.
Ten thousand years ago, our ancestors didn’t need
on what was right in front of their noses for long periods of time got eaten by those lions.
Now all of this doesn’t mean you should stop
100 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED NOVEMBER 29, 2009
ON THE SECOND EDUCATION AND IPODS A friend sent me this note. Friday’s New York Times includes a good column
a byproduct of the search for pleasure, and the learn-
Fair enough. But we might be more successful with
ing is indirect and unconscious.”
that task if we were imaginative, or perhaps honest
by David Brooks, who contrasts one’s first education
He goes on to add (before describing his teen-
(the stuff you do at school), with a second education
age daughter’s delight at her own first Springsteen
We, too, experienced versions of Brooks’ February
in what he terms one’s “emotional curriculum.” In
concert), “I’m not claiming my second education
epiphany.
his case, he writes, such an education began on the
has been exemplary or advanced. I’m describing it
enough to be aware of the importance of the second.
But we need not be at war with the second one:
evening of February 2, 1975, when he tuned into
because I’ve only become aware of it retrospectively,
radio station WMMR in Philadelphia and heard
and society pays too much attention to the first edu-
to be stowed. We might recollect that we ourselves
music by a group called Bruce Springsteen and the
cation and not enough to the second.”
often felt lucky to find “second educational” outlets,
E Street Band. Brooks writes, “The knowledge transmitted in an emotional education comes indirectly, seeping
*** One could argue (guys with jobs in education, for
“Get rid of that iPod!”, though sometimes iPods have
something that filled a void related to first. And it then follows that we must work to understand what apparent obstinacy actually means (or
through the cracks of the windowpanes, from under
example) that our task is specifically to see to the
feels like) to the teenager defiantly clutching an iPod,
the floorboards and through the vents. It’s generally
demands of the first education (to use Brooks’ term).
seemingly, to his very soul.
THE POWER POINT 101
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED NOVEMBER 21, 2009
WISDOM FROM AN OLD BOY An Old Boy recently offered this advice: “My oldest son learned to read when he was very young, and my wife and I were quite proud of this. It must be a result of good parenting, right? But then our second son came along, and he
Then my sons’ teacher gave me this bit of advice: “Reading is a bit like walking. Some learn to walk at nine months; others still struggle with it for
didn’t master reading until he was much older. What
another half a year. But they all
had happened to our good parenting? Did we do
learn to walk.
something wrong?
Now, we could offer intensive walking exercise programs, and it just might help a boy learn to walk a month or two earlier.
“
Some learn to walk at nine months; others still struggle with it for another half a year. But they all learn to walk.
But what would we really accomplish by doing this? And why would we ever put a little boy through all that stress for so modest a benefit? The same truth holds for reading.”
102 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED OCTOBER 9, 2009
“ I WOULDN’T SAY ANYTHING” A story from Benjamin Zander, conductor of the Boston Philharmonic:
But she, of course, was the big sister, and she was upset that her brother had lost a shoe. He was just so
old woman, this Holocaust survivor, has so much to deal with, and still swirling in all of this pain is the
“There was a 14 year-old girl, alone with just
careless, this little brother, and as they were about to
realization that the last time she was with her scared
her 8-year-old brother. Like me, they were Jewish.
be placed in separate trains that would take them to
little brother, she criticized him.
But it was during World War Two, and their parents
the concentration camp, she reprimanded him about
had already been taken to Auschwitz, where they
this carelessness. She really let him have it.
would die. So now it was just the two of them, sister and brother.
This is a very sad story because, while the sister survived the camp, her little brother didn’t. This now
After all of this time, what she says is, ‘I wouldn’t say anything unless it could stand as the last thing (I’d say).’”
THE POWER POINT 103
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED SEPTEMBER 28, 2009
WHAT MAKETH A MAN? I was watching a Prep soccer match last Saturday,
“You’re not really encouraging
when our team scored a goal to tie a game against
them to fight, are you?” I asked. I
Ridley. At that moment one of our players, a young
don’t remember his exact response
boy who was sitting right in front of me, yelled out, at
but it was something other than,
the top of his lungs, “Ridley’s goalie sucks!” Now even if I hadn’t been sitting next to a friend,
“Thank you very much, kind sir, for bringing this momentary lapse
who happens to be a Ridley parent, I would have
in civility to my attention. In the
felt obligated to have had a chat with this enthusi-
future I shall strive to model good
astic lad. Later, after a brief conversation, I think he
sportsmanship in all I say and in
understood that, while it’s perfectly fine to celebrate
all I do.”
a good play, it’s never right to ridicule another player
I do remember that he asked
or use that particular verb in that particular context.
me who I was, and after I identified
It may have been, “a teachable moment.”
myself, I asked him for his name,
Not all moments turn out so well.
which he refused to give. It’s never
For example, a few years ago during a heated
a good scene when you’re with someone who won’t
lacrosse game against one of our traditional rivals,
own up to his own identity. In hindsight, it was a per-
two players lost their heads for just a moment and
fectly ridiculous moment.
started to mix it up out on the field. From out of nowhere, a deep voice bellowed, “Fight. Fight. Hit
“
Manners are important because they are a part of a larger cultural code that goes to the very heart of what it means to be civilized. It goes to the heart of who we are or at least who we ought to be.
The soccer lad who quickly learned his lesson
President Obama during a formal address. And Kanye West demeans and embarrasses Taylor Swift during her recent MTV award acceptance speech. You can probably rattle off a list of other examples, all of which contribute to the coarsening of our culture. When Mr. Griffin told me he was forsaking me, and abandoning the good ship UCC because of his own blinding ambition, I asked him to tell me a bit about his new school, Royal St. George’s,
and one of the first things he quoted was their mantra, “Manners maketh the man.” While I may have been taken back initially by the “maketh” (It’s not a word you come across all that often
and the lacrosse dad who didn’t are just two of the
this millennium.), I have to applaud the Georgian
him!” I quickly realized that the voice was coming
many instances of impulsive incivility that are all
insight. Manners are important because they are a
from the father of one of the visiting team’s players,
around us these days. Serena Williams threatens
part of a larger cultural code that goes to the very
and I went over to talk with him.
a line judge at the U.S. Open. Joe Wilson harasses
heart of what it means to be civilized. It goes to the
104 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
heart of who we are or at least who we ought to be. Civility is not about curling your pinkie when you
first impulse is to use language that won’t appear on
our habits. These habits, in turn, will shape and
the SAT. It’s about cheering for your own team with-
define our character. And character is, as Robert
hold a teacup; it’s not about knowing how to show
out demeaning the opposition. And it’s about helping
Coles points out, “Doing the right thing—even when
courtesy before the Queen. It is about knowing how
the other guy up after a tough play, no matter the
nobody is looking.”
to behave well, no matter where you are, no matter
colour of his jersey.
whom you are with. And it’s about always giving the
None of this is terribly new, but as we begin the
other guy the benefit of the doubt. Civility is holding
year together, it’s important to remember these
your tongue when someone cuts you off and your
truths because we need to consciously make them
Even during a Prep soccer match on an otherwise peaceful Saturday morning.
THE POWER POINT 105
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED MARCH 31, 2014
THE OBSCENE SHIRT: LESSONS FROM A LION The folks who really know me understand exactly
A while back, the Head Boy at another boys’ school
we’ll just put him down and laugh about it.” With this
why I have a large black and white photo of the
found himself in a tough spot. He was in a locker room
thought in mind, he went along with the group, but of
Cowardly Lion taped to inside of my office door.
after practice, of course, where and when these kinds
course things didn’t go according to plan.
It is an ever-present reminder of one of my “areas
of situations always seem to occur, and he was about
The boy didn’t cry out, and the group didn’t stop.
for growth.” Like a lot of people with, what I like to
to take a shower when, out of the corner of his eye, he
consider a “high aptitude for cowardice,” I go out
saw something that made him feel instantly uneasy.
room in a fetal position and he cried. The Head Boy
of my way to avoid confrontation. In fact, I dread
A number of Grade 12 boys were calling out to him,
was already feeling guilty about what had just hap-
conflict, which is actually not such a helpful quality
encouraging him in no uncertain terms to join them
pened when someone grabbed a phone and took a
for a Head of school, and I happen to think the late
in the fun. They had picked up a teammate, a fellow
picture of the crying soccer player, and that picture
Rodney King posed just the right question when he
senior who had evidently annoyed them throughout
went viral, and before the Head Boy knew what hit
asked, “Why can’t we all just get along?”
the soccer season, and they were about to carry him
him, he was sitting in the Principal’s office, where he
A few years ago, I found myself in an airplane,
towards the washroom, where they intended to give
was told that he was no longer the Head Boy; that there
sitting directly behind a man who was wearing, what
him a swirly. Let me emphasize that the Head Boy, a
would be a meeting with his parents later that day; that
I considered, an offensive t-shirt. While I’d have been
good and decent boy, felt he did not have time to think
he was now on probation; and that all of the colleges
less than thrilled to see anyone wearing clothing of
things through. And let me also emphasize that the
and universities to which he had applied would imme-
this nature, it really bothered me to see a guy around
Head Steward is always in a difficult position because,
diately be informed of his change of status.
my age sporting sexually explicit attire. Because we
while he wants to have a good relationship with the
And afterwards, the victim sat in a corner of the locker
Like I said, the Head Boy felt he didn’t have the
were flying to Calgary, I had over three hours to think
faculty and administration, he also really needs to
opportunity to think. And while he certainly wasn’t
about this situation, and I’ll come back to the issue of
maintain his “street cred” with the student body, espe-
a bad guy, what he did—in that moment—was bad,
time because it is important. Before telling you how
cially with the members of his own class.
and the consequences for his bad decision went way
this t-shirt situation played out, though, let me pause here to tell you a story about someone who didn’t have the benefit of time.
What went through the Head Boy’s mind was this: “I’ll grab the kid’s elbow and be a part of the group. The guy will cry out once he gets to the washroom, and
beyond anything he could have possibly anticipated. Now that I’ve killed the joy of the day, let me return to the scene of two frumpy middle-aged men,
106 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
I HOPE THAT YOU’LL KEEP YOUR PAUSE BUTTON HANDY; THAT YOU’LL GIVE YOURSELF THE TIME YOU NEED TO THINK THINGS THROUGH.
riding in coach, on a plane bound for Calgary, a city
I’ve got to tell you, if my kids were with me, it would
thing. It was only the long plane ride that gave
whose ironic name underscores my narrative.
really bother me to see you wearing that.”
me the time to think through options—time that
Because I had three hours to ponder my options, I
He looked at me for a second and said nothing. I’d
former Head Boy in my other story never had.
came to the conclusion that the best place to address
like to think he was sizing up the situation. But then
I mention all of this now because we are in what passes
my fellow passenger would be in the baggage claim
he blurted, “Yeah. I am a little self-conscious.” And
for springtime in Toronto. New teams are forming.
area. That way, in case it got ugly, we could both—OK,
he put on his jacket and walked away.
There will be lots of time spent in locker rooms, and
OK, I—could flee the scene of the crime. Let me also
A bit anti-climactic I know, but the story offers
somewhat sheepishly admit that I was heartened by
three takeaways for you on this last Monday in March:
set of social issues and inter personal complications. I
1. I am no hero, and I freely admit that if the
hope you don’t find yourself in a tough spot any time
the fact that my fellow flyer was something less than a dead ringer for a young Clint Eastwood. I once heard a psychologist say that, whenever two men meet for the first time, the first question each has in the back of his head (from caveman days) is “Can I take this guy?” (An aside: the same psychologist claims that, whenever two women initially meet each asks, “Am I thinner than she?”) I can’t comment on the latter, but I think the former may be right. Anyway, after securing my luggage, I gingerly approached my counterpart and asked him, “”Do you mind if I ask you a question? (I have found that in conversations, as in classes, it’s often helpful to start things off with a question.) When he nodded, I continued. “Do you feel funny about wearing a shirt like that? Because
stranger were the size of Mr. Heffernan, I would have said nothing other than, “I really like your shirt! Think it comes in a smaller size?” 2. I admit I was ticked off. It really bothered me that this guy would try to inflict his sordid view on sexuality so publicly. I may have read The Catcher in the Rye too many times and in the process developed an acute case of the Holden Caulfield syndrome. So point two is that, as a schoolteacher and a father, I had an emotional investment in the issue. Some things, I hope, bother you, too, on occasion. 3. Let me also admit that, if I had walked past this guy on a street corner, I would not have said a
next weekend we have our Battalion Ball, with its own
soon, but we don’t live in a hermetically sealed environment, and you may end up in a situation where you’ll have to make a decision—a decision in a hurry. I hope that you’ll keep your pause button handy; that you’ll give yourself the time you need to think things through; that you’ll remember that it’s always better to at least ask a question than it is to go along with the flow of group thinking. And if nothing else, I hope you’ll think of the Cowardly Lion and remember his philosophy: “What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk? What makes the muskrat guard his musk? What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the ape in apricot? What have they got that I ain’t got? Courage!”
THE POWER POINT 107
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED MARCH 5, 2014
THE KINDERGARTENER’S QUESTIONS A friend of mine, a superb teacher, attributes her
young boy starting kindergarten. He was very, very
“Is school hard?”
entire philosophy of education to a conversation she
quiet. He said almost nothing, until the third week of
“Can I do it?”
once had with a student she taught during her first
school, when he had an ‘accident.’
“Will you be here every day when I come?”
year of teaching in 1976. “I was teaching up North, and on the first day of
I was in the stall with him, cleaning him up, and
I’ve never forgotten that boy, who is now almost
that’s the first time he talked to me, there in that stall.
40 years old, and I’ve never forgotten those ques-
school this boy arrived. He hadn’t been there for
And I will always remember his big dark eyes as he
tions. They have stayed with me.”
any of the preparation meetings, but he was just a
asked me three questions:
108 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED APRIL 27, 2015
ON HUMILITY Last week a politician made a mistake when she
but never quite feel comfortable enough to enter
talked about UCC’s Ontario Model Parliament and
through our wrought iron gates. Even our geographic
original sin, then we should do everything we can to
our use of Queen’s Park; the government official got
location suggests privilege: Avenue Road, the main
counter any sense of collective arrogance. I suggest
her facts wrong, branded us as elitist, and as of yet,
North-South thoroughfare in the biggest city in the
we start small. If you see a stranger in the foyer who
has refused to apologize for her error. (We’ve all had
country, literally bends to our collective will. There
looks a little lost, stop and ask him if he needs some
bad days!)
is, after all, no “welcome” sign outside our version of
help. If he doesn’t know where he is going, don’t just
Downton Abbey!
point to an office; take the time to walk him there.
When Mr. Kawasoe discussed this with the Prep boys on Friday, he stressed some familiar themes:
Simple Suggestion One: If entitlement is our
Throw in the fact that we also happen to be a
Little things mean a lot. Forgive me for a utilitarian
“Do your research. Find the facts, and be knowledge-
single gender school, and a boys’ school at that, and
bent even with this, but university representatives,
able. When you make a mistake, apologize and make
you can almost understand why the very thought of
for example, are often influenced, not just by the
it right.”
UCC’s blue blooded, blue blazered, “Pass me the Grey
boys they interview but also by the student body they
As usual, Mr. Kawasoe was dead on, but with
Poupon,” Old Boy connected culture has some folks
observe during their time on campus.
an older audience here this morning, I’d like to add
racing for the Pepto Bismol. God bless us, everyone!
one more variable to the mix, and I apologize if
Simple Suggestion Two: One of my favourite quotes
We may see UCC in a different light, and while
from one of my favourite books is the description of
my argument sounds shallow. I want to talk about
privately we might find solace in our socio-economic
Tom and Daisy Buchanan from “The Great Gatsby.”
impressions and perceptions.
diversity and our commitment to service, we have to
We know that there are people out there—good
“They were careless people, Tom and Daisy—they
acknowledge that those things don’t make headlines.
smashed up things and creatures and then retreated
people by the way—who don’t like the notion of pri-
As a student once told me, “No matter what we do,
back into their money or their vast carelessness or
vate schools in general, and have a dislike for schools
we will always be seen through the shadow of the
whatever it was that kept them together, and let other
like UCC in particular. These folks see us as the sons
clock tower.”
people clean up the mess they had made.”
of Bertie Wooster, entitled toffs, who hold our smug
If that student is right, and I think there is some
I confess that carelessness is a big issue for me,
noses in the air, as we lap our lattes and gaze dis-
truth in what he said, I want to offer four simple sug-
in part because when I was a kid, my grandfather
approvingly down on all the “littles” who approach
gestions this morning.
worked in the maintenance department at Ardmore
THE POWER POINT 109
LET’S ADMIT THAT THE MOST EFFECTIVE ANTIDOTE TO ARROGANCE IS A SENSE OF HUMILITY.
Avenue Public School. My first introduction to the
risk of being perceived as aloof. Because he’d been
to be small to enter Wonderland. We’ve got to make
world of schools was through his eyes. I was sensitive
at UCC for years, people knew and accepted him for
ourselves small in order to really appreciate the grand
to how the Ardmore Avenue kids treated him and
what he was. But when you go to a new environment,
landscape of humanity that’s all around us—that we
“his” school.
where people don’t know you and all they perceive is
are a small part of.
I know that adolescence can be a sloppy stage of
that you are part of an exclusive club, your reticence
life, but can I ask you to do me a favour: at least when
might be misinterpreted. If that resonates with you,
you are at school, I’d like you to go out of your way
you might consider pushing yourself just a bit to con-
to pick up after yourselves. For example, when lunch
nect with others.
is ending in the Student Centre, remember to throw
Simple Suggestion Four: Let’s admit that the most
So my handy dandy “kids DO try this at home” takeaways for today are: 1. Say hello to and perhaps even help a stranger 2. Remember Tom and Daisy and don’t go “Lord Grantham” on me
your trash away. It says all the wrong things if you go
effective antidote to arrogance is a sense of humility.
Tom and Daisy on us and let other people, especially
You may not have experienced this yet, but eventually
3. Extend yourself, even if you are shy.
those considered lower on the ladder, clean up the
life teaches every one of us the centrality of this virtue.
mess. That sort of blind carelessness reinforces all
We all age, and fail, and fall apart, and lose friends
4. The most interesting man in the world used to say
the wrong things.
and games and jobs and teeth and hair and so much
Simple Suggestion Three: A few years ago, I had
more. The best people I know are those who learned
a conversation with a UCC boy, as he was heading
humility early in life. In the process, they came to
off to a particularly exclusive university. The boy was
know themselves, and they avoided what Walker Percy
somewhat introverted, and as someone with the same
once called, the “great suck of self.” They grasped the
disposition myself, I readily admit there is nothing at
truth that life isn’t about my hair, my face, my tran-
all wrong with intensely enjoying your own company.
script, my future, my recommendations, my university
But my advice to the Old Boy was this: If you don’t
applications, or even my IB score—as impressive as
greet people a little more warmly, if you don’t extend
all of these might be! Remember, as David Brooks
yourself just a little bit more socially, you run the
points out in “The Road to Character” that Alice had
“Stay thirsty, my friends.” Today he’s saying, “Stay humble, my friend.” Be your best down to earth self every day. 5. Remember to say thank you. None of this will radically alter the fate of western civilization. The Leafs still may not make the playoffs next year. But remember Coach Wooden’s advice: “It’s the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen.”
110 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
BY INNES VAN NOSTRAND ’82
THE LAST WORD “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I —
Even more than his back-
I took the one less traveled by,
ground, however, Jim’s style and
And that has made all the difference.”
approach also disrupted expec-
– Robert Frost
tations of the Principal of Upper Canada College. He is authen-
Almost any conference you attend these days or
tically humble, willing to show
book you read about strategy or leadership features
vulnerability, and averse to the
disruption as a central theme. The world is changing.
spotlight. He quietly rejects the
Successful organizations and individuals adapt to
trappings of hierarchy that most of
this state of flux and challenge the status quo.
his peers accept as their due.
From the moment Jim Power arrived at UCC in
Whether it was deciding not to
“
Jim is authentically humble, willing to show vulnerability, and averse to the spotlight. He quietly rejects the trappings of hierarchy that most of his peers accept as their due.
insights and advice of others, and honest about his shortcomings. In a community chock-a-block full of Type A personalities, where success is the currency of the culture, and where modesty can be in short supply, this approach has redefined what leadership can be. For students, it smashed the presumption that power and certainty must be at its core.
2004, he led in a way that both embraced and con-
sit in the ornate, throne-like chairs
tradicted this widely accepted belief in disruption.
on the dais of Laidlaw Hall, or
His profile isn’t what anyone would have expected
writing daily messages to students
for UCC: a Roman Catholic, Irish-American, who
on the whiteboard outside his office, or setting up a
lacking in ego who has played such an influential role
grew up on Philadelphia’s Main Line and hadn’t
small school desk and chair in the basement hallways
in the lives of young people. It is this one trait that
stepped foot in Canada until his UCC interview. In
where he could work and chat to the boys as they
has disarmed so many—from Senior Kindergarten
a school community that is fiercely proud of its own
passed by, Jim has deliberately connected with stu-
students to society’s titans—and nurtured enduring
heritage and role in Canadian society, he was an easy
dents where they are, rather than from ‘on high’.
relationships with the school and its people. Many of
target. In his first event with Old Boys as Principal-
For those of us who know Jim well, there is a common view that we have never met anyone so
As any parent, colleague, or Old Boy would rec-
UCC’s greatest champions—Governors, benefactors,
designate, he was challenged to declare who he
ognize from a chat with him, one of Jim’s favourite
and advisors—have had their belief in UCC strength-
believed was the victor of the War of 1812—a classic
refrains is, “Coach me up on this …” And he is sin-
ened because of this uncommon blend of personal
trap for an unsuspecting Yank!
cere in the request. Jim is refreshingly open to the
humility and institutional ambition.
THE POWER POINT 111
Innes van Nostrand graduated from Upper Canada College in 1982 as a fourth-generation Old Boy. He is an engineering graduate of Queen’s University, where he also worked and served on the Board. For many years he worked with Jim Power in a series of roles, including as the Vice Principal. His eldest son, Jack, graduates from UCC in 2016 and his youngest, Alec, graduated from the Prep in 2014. Innes is the Principal of Appleby College in Oakville, Ontario. He and his wife Alison are good friends of Jim and Mary Power.
This collection of selected speeches and blog
religions, Jim has been courageous in taking on diffi-
believe he did this in part because of his belief
posts provides another window on Jim Power: one
cult, controversial issues, with the unflinching belief
that leadership, like teaching, is best centred on
that embraces tradition. These writings frequently
in the power of exploration and debate in shaping the
Socratic principles. Engaging in constructive dis-
echo the Jesuit educational philosophy under which
character of young people.
sent, being open to different ideas, and operating
Jim was raised, as well as the belief in the Principal as chief storyteller and sculptor of school culture. There are very few people who can speak to a
The Principal’s office can sometimes tell you a
chy, were the principles by which he expected his
goods but some objects in his office—six in particu-
executive team to operate.
room of 700 teenage boys on a weekly basis, and
lar—represent both his values and his philosophy.
leave them in various states of reflection, captiva-
1. Family photos Family is Jim’s greatest love
tion, and enjoyment. Students look forward to his addresses as a highlight of the week. Undoubtedly, this most recent generation of Old Boys have had their outlook on life and its meaning shaped by their Principal. And happily so. Jim has also been fearless in treating high school students like thoughtful adults with the capacity to tackle serious life questions. Whether it is bringing in Alan Dershowitz to discuss the morality of torture, or Edward Snowden to Skype in Assembly on the ethics of government surveillance, or inviting Joe Ehrmann to talk about the three ‘myths’ of masculinity, or having a priest, a rabbi and an imam (as Jim likes to say, sounds like the start of a bad joke) compare their
more like a team of equals rather than a hierar-
lot about the Principal. Jim is indifferent to material
3. Cookie Monster with a Buddhist prayer scarf around his neck For some reason many years
and, while he was fond of using his kids as foils
ago, UCC students adopted Sesame Street’s
(regularly talking to students about the “knuckle-
Cookie Monster as their unofficial mascot. Jim
heads” and their misadventures), the Powers are
had a two foot-tall version of Cookie on a side
an impressive clan, who together have achieved
table, and around his neck was a prayer scarf
incredible success in the classrooms, on the
that was presented to Jim by a Buddhist Lama
sports fields, and as good people. If the greatest
who leads an order in Tibet. This juxtaposition
legacy of a couple is the children they raise, then
of Cookie and the scarf is all Jim. He loves to
Mary and Jim have so many reasons to be proud.
explore all religions and their approaches to the
Their love and support of their five wonderful
meaning of life, of goodness, and what happens to
children is evident to any who know them.
us beyond our time on Earth—serious subjects,
2. The Harkness Table Early on, Jim replaced
all. At the same time, Jim laughs easily, loves the
the two old, rectangular meeting tables with an oval Harkness table as the centre of his office. I
humour of contradictions, and never takes himself or his school too seriously.
112 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
4. Duke University Basketball Poster Perhaps
estate to UCC to create an endowed scholarship
6. Bert Lahr On the back of Jim’s office door was a
Jim’s greatest calling and skill is pastoral care.
program, and be bequeathed his beloved Duke
cut-out of Bert Lahr, best known as the Cowardly
Whether it’s helping a lost student or counselling
basketball poster and his box of Duke game films
Lion in the 1939 classic The Wizard of Oz. Jim
a dying friend, he has a rare ability that enables
to Jim. Thereafter, the poster hung over the door-
always claimed that, like the Lion, he needs to
people to share their innermost selves, and the
way to Jim’s office as a tribute to John, but also, I
remind himself about the importance of courage.
compassionate response necessary to help heal
like to think, to the principles they shared.
But most of us know he, like the Lion, already
a troubled soul. UCC faculty member Dr. John Thomas shared many things in common with Jim, including revelling in the academic environment, being energized by coaching (in John’s case, football), a belief in the importance of financial assistance for needy and deserving students, as well as a love for Duke basketball and respect for the iconic Coach Mike Krzyzewski.
5. The Painting of the Prodigal Son The one piece of art that Jim added to his office was a print of the Rembrandt painting, The Return of the Prodigal Son. As you have read from his speech on the topic in this book, Jim loves to ask about the challenge people about the fairness of the message, ask them to imagine how the older brother must have felt, and muses on what it means to us today. The
Over the months that John was dying of cancer,
Prodigal Son tells you a lot about Jim Power. He
he did not want to see people in person, but
believes that teenagers can and will make mis-
instead kept up a wide-ranging correspondence
takes, in many cases major ones. However, he
with many people, including Jim. They talked
believes equally in the power of redemption, that
about life and sports, about politics and edu-
mistakes can be overcome and a bumpy road can
cation, and about how Duke basketball was
still be successfully traversed. He also believes in
doing. When John passed away, he left his entire
loving teenagers as they are, regardless of their shortcomings, quirks and failings.
possesses plenty of bravery. Schools, including UCC, try to develop many virtues in their students: creativity, grit, kindness, leadership skills, interpersonal strength and more. Readers of this book will recognize, however, that Jim believes that there are two essential virtues that are hallmarks of the good and successful man—empathy and courage. It is a bold leader who ensures that empathy and courage are positioned at the core of school life. The poster of Bert Lahr hung on the back of Jim’s office door—you saw it when you walked out, not when you walked in. That subtlety is Jim Power at his best. This book is a beautiful window into a unique and extraordinary leader, teacher and counsellor. He came as an American with the soul of a Canadian,
THE POWER POINT 113
JIM’S GREATEST LEGACY IS IN THE BOYS’ LIVES HE HAS HELPED CHANGE.
and leaves as a dual citizen. We hope that UCC has
Jim’s greatest legacy is in the boys’ lives he has
We should all raise a toast to Jim Power, per-
helped shape who he is the same way that he has
helped change. In the future, as graduates of this era
haps an Americano bold with a drop of milk, to say:
helped shape what UCC is.
reflect on who they are, and eventually as their part-
“Return often, may the wind always be at your back,
ners, children and grandchildren try to understand
and thank you—for everything.”
The care and passion that Jim’s friends Cristina Coraggio and Suzanne Heft have put into this
how these Old Boys became the men they did, they
selected collection of his own words is testament
can look back on this book so as to understand the
to the depth of relationships Jim fostered, and the
nature of a UCC education and the man who worked
respect that he has earned. Suzanne and Cris have
to ignite goodness and purpose in them.
done a wonderful thing for Jim, for his friends, for his students, and for the UCC community, both now and in the years to come.
Innes van Nostrand
114 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
WITH APOLOGIES TO HARPER’S INDEX
BY THE NUMBERS Total number of blog posts by Jim Power
Average length of Dr. Power’s
Number of teachers worldwide who use PowerPoint
on The Power Point : 446*
Assembly remarks : 7 minutes
for classroom lectures : 6 million
No. of Monday Principal’s Assembly remarks given
No. of comments received by
Average number of unique views per post
from September 2004 to June 2016 : 544
The Power Point blog : 1067
on The Power Point : 176
Date of Dr. Power’s first blog post : April 22, 2009
Most comments on a single post :
Year in which The Power Point sees highest
The Lost Keys and Resumes and Eulogies;
number of views per post : 2015
No. of times Dr. Power has blogged about sports : 85** No. of times Dr. Power has blogged about a fugitive from justice : 2 Date of Dr. Power’s last final Monday Principal’s Assembly : June 6, 2016
Steubenville’s Bystanders (each with 30 comments) No. of presentations created world-wide every day using Microsoft PowerPoint : 30 million Original name of Microsoft PowerPoint : Presenter Original name for The Power Point : A View from the Top
*All stats as of April 13, 2016 **Search terms: athletics, football, baseball, hockey – de-duplicated
Highest number of unique views for any Power Point blog post since inception : 2192 Title of The Power Point post that received the most views : On Humility
THE POWER POINT 115
BIOGRAPHY OF JIM POWER A native of Philadelphia,
near Washington, D.C. from 1993 until 2004. From
and attending outstanding institutions in Canada
an English scholar,
1986 he was at the Pomfret School in Connecticut, a
and worldwide after graduation.
career teacher and
co-ed boarding school, having served in such roles
coach in boys’ schools,
as an English teacher, coach, Assistant Director of
that further the cause of secondary education in
extraordinary Head of
Admissions, English Department Chair, Dean of
North America more broadly. During his tenure at
School in the U.S. and
Students, and Academic Dean. Jim holds a BA in
UCC, Jim served as Chair of the Secondary School
Canada, and an excep-
English from the College of the Holy Cross. He also
Admission Test Board (SSATB), and as a trustee
tional colleague and
was awarded a Master of Arts Degree from Boston
of the International Boys’ Schools Coalition and of
leader; these are just a
College in English and a doctorate (Ed.D.) from
the Canadian Educational Standards Committee.
few ways in which Jim
Boston University in Educational Leadership.
He was a Klingenstein Visiting Heads Fellowship
Power has made a mark in the world.
Over 12 years as Principal of UCC, Jim was
Jim is also a tireless volunteer for organizations
participant in 2003. Recognized for his years of dis-
responsible for many historic accomplishments,
tinguished service as a head of school, Power serves
including an extensive campus renewal plan, realiz-
on the faculty of the Institute for New Heads of the
pal in 2004 and was reappointed for a third five-year
ing the LEED gold-certified William P. Wilder ’40
National Association of Independent Schools.
term in November 2012. He leaves UCC in 2015 at
Hockey Arena & Sports Complex, renovation of the
the end of a tenure that has been nothing short of
College’s boarding facilities, and the comprehensive
a summa cum laude major in the Classics from
extraordinary and historic. Thanks to his leadership
renovation of the Upper School. Jim passionately
Holy Cross with a master’s degree from Harvard
and vision, UCC is in robust financial health, with
worked to establish a sector-leading, needs-based
University, School of Public Health and a Master in
innovative academic and co-curricular programming,
financial assistance program, which has grown from
Information Science from the University of Toronto.
solid graduate placement and sector-leading admis-
supporting 60 boys in 2006 to 196 boys in 2015.
The Powers have five grown children: Bridget,
Jim became Upper Canada College’s 18th princi-
sion demand. Before he arrived in Toronto, Jim was Headmaster of Georgetown Preparatory School
Throughout, in Jim’s superlative care, UCC boys have continued to thrive and excel, scoring above the world average on the International Baccalaureate
Jim is also a dedicated husband to his wife Mary,
Patrick, Seamus, Liam and Aidan. All four boys attended Upper Canada College.
THE POWER POINT 117
“ THAT THINGS ARE NOT SO ILL WITH YOU AND ME AS THEY MIGHT HAVE BEEN, IS HALF OWING TO THE NUMBER WHO LIVED FAITHFULLY A “ HIDDEN LIFE, AND REST IN UNVISITED TOMBS.” ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED
GEORGE ELIOT
118 UPPER CANADA COLLEGE
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED
“