Ductus 2014 Edition 1

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Welcome: from the editors

Welcome: from the president

AMSA: WHAT’s moo?

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Amsa: refugee Living below GP Club and asylum the line seeker mental health 10

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Academic: It’s Burnout Time

OCamp: Recap

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Sports: Mental Health and Sports

Wayte’s WECIPES

HES ADVENTURES

Ductus Doctor

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Social: The Best Places for Beers

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BAck Cover Stuff

Hot Off the Press

Social: Recap

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Planning to Plan Your HES

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Sports: Mid Season Recap

All about Ground UP Medicine

Who puts the men in mendicine?

What’s with the budget?

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You know it’s nearing semester end when you just finished your 122nd episode of Seinfeld in less than three weeks and your laptop keys are dirtier than the shoes you took to Groovin. Coming off the break, we are smack bang in a time that for me has captured essence of medical school so far and I suspect will continue to do so for a while yet. It’s the grind, where your life has sorted itself into some tragic balance between study and soul breaking amounts of procrastination; into an elastic tension between seeing friends, family and the projector in HB15 whose dimness we have come to view with the sort of hatred reserved for late mergers and the university’s blood sucking mosquitoes, which have been growing to an alarming size and increasing in boldness. The brutes now seem unaffected by the cold and fears about safety are on the rise after the rumoured exsanguination of a sleeping student. In fact with all the flying parasites and jungle like tangle of physiology and pathology I sometimes feel as though we are in Kurtz’s jungle, pushing ever towards the heart of darkness. A place where the sky is heavy with the storm clouds of Lord Tones budget, where the calls of the birds are indistinguishable from the yells of your lost companions and the suffocating vegetation renders you own voice thin and reedy, no matter how raw and bloody your throat gets from screaming…and unless I am completely crazy, I doubt I am alone.

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Lucky for you, Ductus is here to help keep your heads screwed on and to prevent your PBL from resorting to cannibalism. With the stress of imminent exams and 100 years of debt and slavery under the iron first of Lord Tone and death by his 12 billion dollars worth of fighter jets hanging like razor guillo-

tines above our fragile necks, looking after yourself has never been more important or relevant. Mental health is a hairy beast, and this issue aims to grab it by the horns – while also recapping the semester so far and looking at a few other bits and bobs. It is the hope of the team here at Ductus that this issue is amusing, informative and interesting – and that reading it distracts you from whatever you are meant to be doing for as long as possible.

So go forth, flip through and with any luck the slight breeze raised from the turning pages will hit your face and offer a certain kind of relief, or at least remind you of the holidays just gone and the gentle turbulence made by their passing. Lachlan 3

On behalf of Lachlan and Ming, Editors

As medical students we are often told to ‘look after your mental well-being’ and to ‘maintain a balance’. But what does this really mean? And more importantly, how can we actually put this into practice with Stuvac just around the corner?


The World Health Organisation defines mental well-being as “the state in which the individual realises his or her own abilities, can cope with normal stresses of life, can work productively, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community” I like to think that we are all pursuing studies in medicine to one day make a contribution to our community and we are surrounded by people with high ability (not to mention being an extremely good looking bunch!) The thing that we sometimes struggle with is working productively and coping with the stress that is life in MedSchool.

With all my years of wisdom (20 to be exact) I have tried to put together the top 5 tips that I have found helped to get me through times of stress. Hopefully some of them might work for you too! Tip One: Friends

The maintenance of strong personal relationships is a key to being supported through life1. Stuvac may bring the temptation to lock yourself away and avoid all human contact while you desperately try to understand a Sontag lecture. I implore you to keep in touch with the people close to you. Hint: Yoghurtland has just opened in Marketown! Tip Two: Exercise Physical activity releases endorphins that can help improve your mood3 and get rid of stress, not to mention working on your abs to show off at convention. Whether it is running, swimming, cycling or just going for a walk along the beach, spending a few minutes being active will work wonders for your productivity in the library. Hint: The Nobby’s breakwater makes a lovely evening walk Tip Two: Food What’s a better way to settle in for an evening of studious activities

than with a delicious home cooked meal? Stuvac brings the temptation to eat takeaway five times a day (who doesn’t get the study munchies?) It is well established that a balanced diet improves cognitive function2 and why not stave off that Stuvac bulge why you are at it. Hint: Breakfast is the most important meal of the day -- why not add some bacon once in a while! Tip Four: Sleep I have decided categorically that sleep is one of the best forms of procrastination there is. Don’t believe me? Here are my arguments why: 1. You get to do literally nothing! 2. It helps consolidate memory meaning you might actually remember those pesky cranial nerves 3. You feel more energised, better able to concentrate AND you will look more attractive Hint: A proper night sleep before your exam is estimated to be worth about the same as 7 hours of extra study! Tip Five: Seek Help If you do find yourself struggling, do something about it! There is lots of pressure on us as medical students and knowing when you might need some extra support is a sign of real strength. Sometimes all you need is a quiet word to a friend, your PBL tutor, a GP, whoever it is that might be able to help. Whether it is your physical, mental or social health, early intervention is the best way to keep healthy Hint: GP Access is an after-hours clinic run at the Mater and John Hunter Hospitals if you need to see a GP for any reason -- you can make an appointment on 1300 130 147 I hope these tips help you to get through the exam period. Best of luck with your exams and I look forward to seeing you all back next semester!

James Wayte 5 UNMS President

Editors’ Tips: Mindfulness Mindfulness has been described as a state of being in the present, accepting things for what they are, i.e. nonjudgementally. These exercises are designed to introduce the principles. One Minute Exercise Sit in front of a clock or watch that you can use to time the passing of one minute. Your task is to focus your entire attention on your breathing, and nothing else, for the minute. Have a go - do it now. Mindful Walking Here the same principle, while walking you concentrate on the feel of the ground under your feet, your breathing while walking. Just observe what is around you as you walk, staying IN THE PRESENT. Let your other thoughts go, just look at the sky, the view, the other walkers; feel the wind, the temperature on your skin; enjoy the moment. Breathing Exercise Stay with any distressing thoughts for a few moments, then as you let them float away, you gently redirect your full attention to your breathing. Pay attention to each breath in and out as they follow rhythmically one after the other. This will ground you in the present and help you to move into a state of awareness and stillness. Source: Black Dog Institute

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By Daniel Mijalkov, Roland Warner & David Eccles

Time for an Advocacy Health Check Up!

What do you think your medical career should look like? Or your medical studies? The face of medicine and medical training is changing fast and it’s up to us, med students, to make a stand on issues that affect us. If we won’t, who will?

I am sure that every med student knows what AMSA is; ‘some student group that sits vaguely on the bottom of the sky-high list of things to be concerned with’. Well, yes, AMSA is a student run body... in fact, it is THE representative body making sure YOUR voice and YOUR thoughts are heard on issues affecting your PRESENT and your FUTURE. On that light note, we, David Mijalkov, Roland Warner and David Eccles, would like to say a hearty hello. As the “Education and Advocacy” section of the AMSA@UNMS Subcommittee, our aim is to help maintain the two-way conduit between Newcastle medical students and AMSA. Throughout this year, via surveys and forums, we will be gauging your opinions on major issues that affect you as medical student. In addition, we will also be providing regular information on issues so that you can more easily stay informed and know what wishes you want represented. All of this is to ensure that your voice counts at AMSA Council. For today’s hot topics we have picked 4 issues of particular interest, our contact details are provided below so if you wish to pass us an opinion or learn more on an issue please feel free to flick an e-mail our way.

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National Barrier Exam There has been discussion regarding the adoption of a standardised national barrier exam for all final year students. Medical education in Australia continues to be rated exceptionally well by international standards, and AMSA is presently of the stance that a national barrier exam should not be implemented. Proponents of the barrier exam argue that it will ensure that all graduates are of the same standard upon commencing their careers. However, the presence of a national exam would place undue pressure on universities to tailor their curriculum to prime students for the exam. Additionally, the implementation of a national exam would be a costly and logistically complex venture. How do you feel about finishing your medical studies with a barrier exam? AMSA would like to know.

National Internship Criteria Currently, the allocation of internship places across Australia is managed by individual agencies of health departments within the different states and territories. Some states and territories allocate internship places using a ballot system, though there is a lack of interstate continuity of internship allocation criteria.

The Australia Medical Association supports the concept of a National Internship Application Scheme, which would provide a single, consistent portal for students to lodge their application. In 2011, there were twice as many applicants who accepted multiple internship positions than in 2010. This scheme would reduce duplicate applications across multiple states, and would streamline the entire application process. AMSA currently stands in support of this national internship policy. Do you agree with this?


Internship Policy for Domestic and International Students Internship can be considered a natural extension of medical school, in that is a necessary requirement prior to practicing medicine. Currently all CSP medical students in Australia are guaranteed an internship position, however this does not extend to full-fee domestic or international students. Medical student numbers in Australia are at an all-time high, but the number of internship positions has not increased proportionately. This has resulted in a small number Australian-trained international students missing out on internships in Australia.

International students comprise 20% of the national medical student cohort, and Australian-trained international students play a key role in contributing to Australia’s expanding medical workforce. Without guaranteed internship positions for these students, international enrolment and funding at Australian universities may be affected. The repercussions of this can be significant, with flow-on effects affecting domestic student fee structures, education and training. Thus, AMSA believes that all Australian medical students, both domestic and international, should be guaranteed internship positions upon completion of their medical degree.

Classification of Medical Programs in Australia Recently, there has been a move by some universities to change their medical degrees from BMed/ MBBS/BMBS to become masters-level degrees titled “Doctor of Medicine”. This is in a background of continuing issues in government funded university places, a push for a more globalised education

market, as well as inter-university competition to attract students.

Despite this, all medical degrees are accredited as meeting the same set of standards by the Australian Medical Council (AMC). AMSA’s policy on this issue is undergoing review for AMSA Second Council in early July; currently AMSA calls for consistency of the nomenclature across all primary medical qualifications in Australia. The creation of two tiers of medical qualification in Australia threatens to breed confusion and misunderstanding amongst prospective students, clinicians, and the general public about qualifications of doctors in Australia. Regardless of varying qualification nomenclature, AMSA advocates that the two tiers of medical student should be considered to have equivalent qualification in their preparation for internship.

Conclusion It’s important to stay informed of the issues that will affect you as a student and as a professional doctor, and with AMSA as your key nationwide representative body, it is our duty to keep you informed of AMSA policies and AMSA informed of your opinions. If you’re keen to have your opinion heard, pass through an e-mail to your AMSA Representative Emma Curé (via: amsa@unms.org.au), and if you want to find out a bit more on what AMSA is saying, AMSA’s policies [https://www.amsa. org.au/advocacy/official-policy/] are a great place to start. Sincerely, David Mijalkov, Roland Warner and David Eccles Education and Advocacy Officers AMSA@UNMS Subcommittee

What is AMSA@ UNMS AMSA@UNMS is MedSoc’s new initiative to bring more of AMSA to the Newcastle Med Cohort. This subcommittee is split into three teams. The Education and Advocacy Team aims to bring awareness about the big issues to you (as evident in this article). This team aims to summarise AMSA’s big issues and policies down to palatable bite-sized chunks, suitable for a quick read to the average time-pressed medical student. Plans for informational seminars and the likes are also in the pipelines, so watch this space.

The Engagement Team is in charge of, you guessed, engaging students with AMSA and its advocacy platforms. The Engagement Teams will endeavor to facilitate discussion about medical-student issues, and appropriately dubbed the “conversation-creators,” these guys want to hear what you think, through the smalls of simple conversation, up to the bigs of a debating series planned for next semester. Lastly, the Welfare team aims to bring AMSA’s welfare and welbeing platforms to Newcastle, through simple but effective activities. “Fruits in Tutes” is the first of many activities organised by this team, which encourages healthier PBL food choices through fun and creative photo submissions. Other plans in the making include R U OK Day and a similar reincarnation of the famous Stuvac Survival Station, which was a great success last year.

For more information about AMSA@UNMS, or to share your opinions on issues relating to your experience as a medical student, be sure to send an email to your AMSA Rep Emma at amsa@unms.org.au. She’d love to hear from you!

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By Bhavi Ravindran

AFRAM: AMSA for Refugee and Asylum Seeker Mental Health

AFRAM is AMSA’s global health advocacy initiative to highlight the detrimental effects of mandatory detention and off-shore processing on mental health of refugees and asylum seekers

AFRAM came into existence as a response to the growing frustration amongst medical students and to promote greater awareness of the mental health burden as a result of punitive policies. Furthermore, AMSA Global Health recently surveyed global health groups across Australia and ‘refugee and asylum seeker health’ was identified as one of the top three advocacy priorities. It is clear that this is an issue Australian medical students care deeply about and AFRAM endeavours to channel that passion and commitment into a coordinated and effective national advocacy campaign to bring about change. AFRAM will Educate Federal and State politicians about the detrimental mental health effects of mandatory detention and off shore processing, and Advocate for policies which do no harm. AFRAM will Mobilise and Empower medical students to reflect, engage and campaign on matters of refugee and asylum seeker health in a systematic and co-ordinated way so that the Government’s policy reflects the international standard for refugee protection. AFRAM came into existence as a response to the growing frustration amongst medical students and to

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promote greater awareness of the mental health burden as a result of punitive polices. ◙◙ More than 60% of detainees suffer from some form of mental illness1 ◙◙ Australia processes just 2.2% of asylum claims made to 44 industrialised countries2 ◙◙ Mandatory detention and offshore processing puts people’s health and lives at risk2 ◙◙ The mental health of refugees and asylum seekers is a neglected aspect in current political debate How to get Involved? ◙◙ Get in contact with your local Crossing Borders representative, AMSA Global Health (AGH) representative or AFRAM state representative at afram@amsa.org.au ◙◙ Sign up on Facebook or follow us on Twitter ◙◙ Visit our website www.afram.amsa.org.au ◙◙ Talk to your friends and family about this issue. Spread the word. A friend of mine once told me “you only have one short life to make an impact on this world and chances like AFRAM will be few and far between.” So what are you waiting for? Sign up now and make your voice be heard.

References 1. Bull M, Schindeler E, Berkman D and Ransley J (2012). Sickness in the System of Long -term Immigration Detention. Journal of Refugee Studies 26(1): 47-68 2. Newman L, Prctor N, Dudley M (2013). Seeking asylum in Australia: immigration detention, human rights and mental health care. Australasian Psychiatry 21(4) 315-320

Bhavi Ravindran is the National Campaign Coordinator for AFRAM.



By Jazmin Daniells

This May, thousands of Australians took on the challenge of living below the poverty line of $2 a day. Live Below the Line is an Oaktree initiative raising funds to help renovate schools, train teachers and provide education opportunities for thousands young people in East Timor, Cambodia and Papua New Guinea. The University of Newcastle’s Global Health Group Wake Up! entered a team this year in conjunction with AMSA Global Health. Wake Up! has raised over $3000 already and we are well onto our goal of $4200! Donations are open until June 30. So what was it like living below the poverty line for two days? Firstly it was time consuming, we had to do a lot of preparation. Starting with a grocery shop of under $10 per person and then rationing that food throughout the week!

Made it through the day and whipped up some pasta with mixed frozen veggies and tomatoes for dinner.

Most missed: having a cup of tea while watching game of thrones.

Day 2

Porridge again for breakfast.

Day 1 I was soon to learn my porridge would become my best friend over the next 5 days. Breakfast of porridge with sweetened, buttery grated apple tasted like an apple pie.

The novelty wore off around 11am when I would usually satisfy my coffee craving; instead a small amount of boiled rice was all I had to suffice my hunger pains.

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A roast pumpkin, 5 bean and tomato mix was topped on a lot of steamed rice for lunch. This was also pretty delicious, although some extra flavour wouldn’t have gone astray.

I arrived at uni to discover that my last class would be ending at 6pm instead of 4:30pm… This isn’t usually too much of a problem, accept when you only bring a small lunch of pasta left overs and can’t afford the banana bread or coffee that would normally keep you going through the afternoon. Sitting in the library with wafts of delicious banana bread was a killer. I was hangry (hungry/angry) by the time our 6:30pm lecture finished and was keen to get home to make dinner!

Stopped off at Aldi on the way home to spend $2 of our remaining emergency cash… hello pancakes/ pikelets/creamy porridge Tonight’s dinner tasted AMAZING. A delicious fried rice (I think there is a direct relationship between hunger and taste, the hungrier you get the tastier food becomes).


I threw together a batch of pikelets to snack on over the next couple of days.

Day 4 This morning I woke up at 6 to watch the sunrise at the beach for a friend’s birthday. Braving the cold on my empty stomach was definitely worth it for a beautiful morning. After the morning sunrise (well lack of sunrise - it was too cloudy), all the others headed off to a cafe for breakfast and cake. I had to head to head home to cook myself rice for lunch at Uni… In a cruel twist of fate I was rostered on PBL food today. I made a heap of pikelets with jam and cream… yet couldn’t enjoy them myself.

Most missed: COFFEE!!

Day 3

The novelty has fully worn off now. I’m beginning to feel really lethargic and have a bit of a cold coming on. Nothing I would love more right now than a huge bowl of fresh veggies or chicken and vegetable soup!! Porridge is still a breakfast winner! Highlight of the day was the creation of a vegetable frittata for lunch!

Most missed: Japanese food, my housemates had ordered a smorgasbord of tempura udon, gyoza and salmon teriyaki don. Eddie and I died a little inside as we looked on and we left to eat plain fritters.

By day 4 I think living below the line is taking a toll on my ability to function; I managed to leave my laptop on the roof of my car and drive away without noticing.... Luckily for me a friend of a friend found it… AND IT STILL WORKS!! Most missed: free PBL food, free Great Debate food and beer

Day 5

SO CLOSE NOW!!

Made it through the day with more porridge and left over fritters.

For dinner I trialled vegetable dumplings - with success! Luckily these were very filling because I had a friend’s going away dinner at 7pm. I sat empty plated at the table as plates of scotch steak, salt and pepper squid and chicken schnitzel tortured me.

I survived my dinner date and thoroughly enjoyed my friends company, socialising without eating such a foreign concept to me. After dinner I had birthday party. I decided that Emma’s rainbow and nutella cake was worth staying up to midnight for. After cake I headed home, excited for our breakfast tomorrow! Most missed: beer battered chips

Day 6/ Aftermath

SATURDAY BREAKFAST WE MADE IT!!!

There is nothing more I love than brunch. Saturday morning we eagerly waited for our table at Longbench on Darby St. Between us there were big breakfasts, bacon and eggs (with extra bacon and hashbrowns) and ricotta panckes with pecans, stewed apples and caramel sauce! The meal costs more than what we had spent on food for the previous 5 days!!

Proof my stomach didn’t shrink: consuming a Guzman burrito, medium whooper junior meal, a whopper with cheese and a six pack of nuggets after a Saturday night out in Sydney… whoops.

In doing Live Below the Line, Jaz raised an amazing $472 to fight poverty through developing education in East Timor. You go gurl! To learn more about Live Below the Line, visit www.livebelowtheline.com.au.

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GP Club Who can attend? JMP BMed students in all years, Prevocational Doctors (interns and residents), GP Registrars and GPs are all welcome to GP Club events. These events are provided free of charge, including dinner and refreshments and raffles of medical textbooks. What’s it about? The GP Club is a combined initiative of General Practice Training – Valley to Coast and The University of Newcastle’s Discipline of General Practice and in cooperation with the General Practice Students Network (GPSN). Find out more about a career in general practice in a relaxed and enjoyable social environment. Events usually feature inspiring GPs speaking about why they enjoy their exceptional careers and showcasing the diversity of opportunity in general practice. Enjoy Professional skills training sessions coordinated by the experienced teaching staff of both the Discipline and Valley to Coast with the assistance of volunteer GPs and GP Registrars.

Visit the GP Club page on the Medical Students/JMOs tab here: www.gptvtc.com.au or click here to join the 2014 email list to receive an invitation to these upcoming events: Thursday 10 July 6pm – 9pm in Newcastle - NAIDOC week - Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander theme: Didgeridoo and storytelling, bush tucker tasting, Aboriginal medical students speaking on their BMedSci projects, and Aboriginal Health Quiz and What Rash is That? Tuesday 19 August 6pm – 9pm in Gosford – how to examine eyes. Wednesday 8 October 6pm – 9pm in Newcastle - Musculoskeletal Trauma - including triangular broad arm sling, collar & cuff, bandaging a limb, pulled elbow & finger splints, ankle strapping, and extrication neck collars. If you would like more information about the GP Club, to offer your assistance for future events, or have some ideas to share, please contact Carmel Northwood by phone 4968 6753 or email.

Senior medical students who volunteer to help tutor at GP Club events are eligible for iLEAD points. www.newcastle.edu.au/ilead



By Jack Mackenzie

Recap: OCamp

On the afternoon of Friday 14 March 2014 a group of approximately 80 fresh faced, unsuspecting and relatively sober first years boarded buses bound for Port Macquarie to partake in the annual ritual that is JMP O-Camp. Finally, the time had come for Newcastle and Armidale freshers to meet, greet, drink and make out. Unfortunately, for the most part, Armidale student participation imitated Swiss military involvement with the exception of 3 courageous souls and a handful of mentors. After 3 hours of awkward small talk and general bus banter the majority of participants had adequately cured their sobriety issues before stepping off the coaches into the tranquil surrounds that is Sundowner Tourist Park. Except for Abi. Abi was sober. Abi is allergic to alcohol. Sorry Abi.

One individual, who shall not be named, had indulged somewhat more extensively than his first year counterparts. When he stepped off the bus he resembled a slightly drunker Amish teenager on his final night of Rumspringa. After a mouthful of inadvertent slurs and three counts of inappropriateness, his night came to an abrupt end after succumbing to a nasty strain of alcohol induced syncope. The remaining conscious first years led by the brave mentors descended upon the Port City Bowling Club for a spot of trivia and a reasonably poorly cooked BBQ. Sorry mentors, but how hard is it not to burn a sausage? The trivia questions indeed proved difficult for some but by far the more challenging task was distinguishing the questions from the nonsensical dribble that came from the illustrious MC, Tobias.

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After an exciting evening of meeting and greeting the majority of the newly bonded first year cohort retired to their cabins. However, some of the more inebriated students with a reduced capacity for mature decision-making, led astray

by the mentors, found themselves kicking on to the beach for some additional frivolity. One student in particular, whose identity unfortunately remains unknown [Editor’s note: it was Jack Mackenzie], managed to conjure a fire utilising resourcefulness that would rival Bear Grylls. Unfortunately for the first years the O-Camp convener Alex Tridgell had recently graduated from the Fun Police Academy and promptly extinguished the blazing inferno without hesitation. *It must be disclosed that Alex’s handling of the situation was under strict direction from the actual Police who had just arrived.

The following morning, bleary eyed and regretting the previous nights decisions, the first years rose from their slumber to partake in the Wake Up Global Health Challenge. The challenge was ultimately won by Jim Fann’s Group H, who lost any friends they had managed to make in the preceding 24 hours by constantly and overenthusiastically representing a human letter H formation wherever they went.

With the glorious weather that Port Macquarie had put on offer, what better way to spend the afternoon than on the beach sunbaking, swimming and playing beach sports. After successfully acquiring the recommended daily Vitamin D intake and participating in a loosely regulated game of beach soccer, the group returned to camp to drink, sumo wrestle and watch Anna and Bea take to each other like lionesses to a wildebeest in a pool wrestle that was more ferocious than most octagon encounters. If one wasn’t already aroused (not me), Diamoy then successfully seduced the entire female contingent of the first year cohort with his musical prowess. After dinner was served the beverages began to flow, as did the general distaste of our presence to the other residents of Sundowner Tourist Park, culminating in a severe dressing down by an uglier and more illiterate version of Chopper Reid whose wardrobe consist-


ed entirely of unusually tight Rugby League shorts and wife-beater singlets. Following Dave Townsend’s successful prevention of Ezzie Holden’s certain homicide after he laughed in Chopper’s face, it was clear that it was time we moved onwards to the pub. With the assistance of a cheeky bar tab and the finest social lubricant Port Macquarie had to offer, the night consisted of endless laughter, outrageous dancing and some questionable pick up lines on Gabi and Rachael by the same first year who started the fire [Editor’s note: it was Jack Mackenzie]. He also made out with Nick. Forcibly. Without consent. The first year medcest account was also opened by a number of couples that did not wish to be mentioned publically in a forum such as Ductus. It was Tas and Ally. And Holly and Grayson. They hooked up. It was awesome. After handing out a few awards and the prescription of various painkillers the following morning the weekend came to an end with the three-hour journey home. Overall it was a highly enjoyable weekend and many thanks must go to Alex and Elias and all the Mentors for making it all possible.

OCamp‘14 Awards Most Lovable First Year: Ben Challis Laughing in the Face of Danger: Ezzie Holden Keen Bean: Ruidi Liu

Best Cat Fight: Bea Tonks Medcest: Tas & Alley

Most Inappropriate First Year: Unknown [Editor’s note: it was Jack Mackenzie] Daisy Award: Roland Warner

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By Rachael Zuzek

Burnout. Most of us have experienced it before. And considering that the end of semester is fast approaching, burnout seems to be hot on everyone’s toes. So what exactly is burnout? And more importantly, how can we deal with it?

Burnout is basically a state of both mental and physical exhaustion related to work, in our cases, the perils of studying medicine. It is quite common among students, with systematic reviews from the US estimating that over 50% of med students will be affected by burnout at some stage during their degree. If not recognised and addressed, can lead to significant consequences, especially if it continues after graduation.

Medicine is a demanding course and profession. Whilst it has been traditionally held that burnout occurs more frequently as doctors progress through their careers, it is now being more readily recognised that burnout occurs early in the medical journey. Considering the shift in university medical courses from didactic-based learning to those focused on self-directed learning and patient-centred care, this places a greater amount of stress and expectations on students. Attention needs to paid to the experience of burnout as this could lead to decreased personal health and wellbeing of students and ultimately having an indirect impact on the quality of patient care. Burnout incorporates three main characteristics: a decreased sense of accomplishment, emotional exhausation and depersonalisation. [For those who are interested, the gold standard for measuring burnout is the Maslach Burnout Inventory (MBI)].

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Factors that increase the likelihood of burnout include: ◙◙ Experiencing a major illness ◙◙ Low perceived levels of support from faculty staff ◙◙ Exposure to cynical residents and doctors ◙◙ Extended hours spent at hospital ◙◙ Personality factors

NB: Interestingly, a recent Australian study found that emotional exhaustion was significantly more prevalent in single students compared to students in relationships Signs to watch out for: ◙◙ Poor concentration ◙◙ Insomnia ◙◙ Poor productivity ◙◙ Lack of motivation ◙◙ Guilt ◙◙ Depression ◙◙ Denial

Which may lead to: ◙◙ Frustration ◙◙ Feelings of isolation ◙◙ Irritability ◙◙ Indecision ◙◙ Avoidance

How to deal with burnout: ◙◙ Be self-aware: recognise how stress manifests in you and look out for the signs ◙◙ Talk to people: having a strong support network to help you in times of stress is very helpful ◙◙ Prioritise your time: recognise limitations and be realistic about goal setting ◙◙ Keep a good study-life-work balance: you all know this one, but it is important to remember that medicine is not your whole life ◙◙ Look after your own health: sleep well, eat well, fit in some physical activity, socialise ◙◙ Don’t be too hard on yourself Potential interventions ◙◙ Programs to promote student well-being and self-care ◙◙ Education about preventing and reducing burnout ◙◙ Structured mentoring programs ◙◙ Social support ◙◙ Relaxation ◙◙ Physical exercise

With exams coming up soon make sure that you look after yourself and other students to prevent burnout and keep your cool! Reference: 2013, W. IsHak et al., ‘Burnout in medical students: a systematic review’, The Clinical Teacher, John Wiley & Sons Ltd, 10: 242-245.



Team Ductus is equally as confused about the new budget introduced by good old Joe Hockey on the 14th. We’re like, “seriously, what???” With every second conversation since the 14th about the budget, we wanted to have a finger on this issue too. So we put something together and got two interest-in-politics guys to comment on the budget, mainly asking, “Seriously, what’s up?”

Announce Budget 2014/2015 Summary: Education and Health By Daniel Lamp

This brief piece focuses on some aspects of 2 areas more relevant to us as medical students: education and health. HEALTH: $7 CO-PAYMENT ◙◙ ◙◙ ◙◙

$7 co-payment to see a bulk-billing doctor, receive X-rays and get a blood test concession card holders and children under 16 will only pay the contribution for their first 10 visits per year. $5 out of the $7 to go to a $20billion Medical Research Future Fund (dividends from the fund used)

It seems there has been a shift to individualised contribution to healthcare, to help save health care costs. While this copayment will not be mandatory for GPs, if they choose not to charge it the Medicare rebate for that consultation will be cut by $5. Some may argue this copayment may deter unnecessary GP visits e.g. to chat.

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However, primary health care is cost-effective, and deterring patients from seeing their GP (who should really see their GP) may cause more future chronic presentations to hospitals, which will

increases healthcare costs, and increase burden on already struggling hospitals, and increase waiting times. This copayment will affect people from lower socioeconomic background hardest. Another point of concern is the administrative burden for GP’s in collecting the $7.

As NSWMSC Liasion Officer, I put up a poll on May 13 on the Medsoc Facebook page to gauge your opinions. At the time of writing, 6 supported the GP copayment, with 63 against. I will report my findings to NSWMSC to assist their budget press release. Other announcements: ◙◙ Increase in cost of PBS medication prescriptions- from 1 Jan 2015, $5 prescription fee for each script filled ($0.80 for concession card holders) ◙◙ Axing of the National partnership on preventative health, saving $368 million ◙◙ Reduction in funding for hospitals from 2017, saving $50billion over 8 years. EDUCATION-UNIVERSITY: DEREGULATION OF UNIVERSITY FEES FROM 2016

It is expected that some degrees, especially the ones in high demand and/or from ‘prestigious’ universities, will have their cost increased substantially. This will increase competition between the universities, and the government argues that this will improve the quality of courses on offer. The Federal government’s contribution to the cost of an university degree will decline an average of 20%. This will affect future students from lower socioeconomic backgrounds the hardest, and the government has attempted to address this by having the universities set aside 1 out every $5 raised from increased uni fees towards scholarships for disadvantaged students. EDUCATION: INTEREST RATE CHARGED ON FEE-HELP LOANS

Currently, the loans are indexed to


inflation, and this will be replaced by the government bond rate, roughly 6%, up from around 3% currently. The government argues this will reflect a more realistic cost of providing the loan. Also, there will be a slightly lower minimum income threshold where people will have to start repaying their debt; from $53,345 to $50,638.

If you would like to let me know your thoughts/opinions/concerns on the 2014-2015 Budget in regards to education and health, feel free to email me at nswmsc@unms. org.au. Disclaimer: Details and figures were accurately obtained to the best of my ability at time of writing, and may change. Also, at time of writing, the Budget is yet to be passed by the Senate.

Breaking News: People pleased with budget parade streets. By Team Ductus

In breaking news, students across the nation have been seen celebrating following the government’s well-received budget. With an increase in university fees, petrol cost and interest on student loans causing degrees to more than quadruple their current price, many have stated that they are ‘excited’ and ‘looking forward’ to spending their working lives crippled by debt and financial strife. “I’m still in shock,” one student is reported as saying. “I was considering moving to a Russian gulag in order to seek opportunities for hardship, so you can imagine my delight and surprise when I heard about the increased taxes and cuts to education here!”

In addition, the decreased support for the unemployed, pensioners, funding cuts to hospitals and increased costs of healthcare and medicines have had many people

dancing on the streets with smiles on their faces and hats in their hands – except in Victoria, where protests and gatherings in public places of more than 5 persons are prohibited. “I had been feeling extremely unsatisfied with our versions of universal healthcare and affordable tertiary education!” shouted one student in joy, “and I heard with envy about the lifelong debt and bankruptcy common in other healthcare and education systems, such as America’s. Well you wouldn’t believe my happiness when I heard that now we too live in age of opportunity, where the chance for homelessness and hundreds of thousand dollar degrees are now possible for anyone and everyone – right in our own backyard!”

Our Lord Tone has responded to the small proportion of critics, saying, “Now look here – sure, millions of people including myself and my good friend Jo have enjoyed years of free education and healthcare over the decades, and they have proved to be of enormous benefit to society. But young Australians can’t expect to feel entitled to these things – they need to start pulling their weight and start lifting, not leaning. By Jove! Being healthy is a privilege, not a right – did they think Medicare was going to be forever? Diamonds are forever.”

Indeed the excitement of the population has bordered upon hysteria, with the police and emergency services advising caution as the crowds of exhilarated students, handicapped people, families and pensioners swelled to enormous proportions. It is thought that the celebrations will continue to build all week up to Friday, where it is said a raffle will be drawn for one lucky soul to suck back smoke with Jo and Lord Tone while shooting across the sky in shiny new F-35 fighter jet. And if you fall and hurt yourself during the celebration; if you happen to twist your ankle or injure

your arm, or you need help with buying food or medicine or rent; if anything should go wrong for you during the festivities to come, don’t worry – the pain will only last as long as you can’t afford to send for help. -Ductus

“Judging by your friend’s Facebook posts you know (the budget) is bad, very bad.“ By Declan Peake

Unless you live under a rock and inside some kind of Faraday cage you’ve probably heard about this year’s federal budget, and judging by your friend’s Facebook posts you know it’s bad, very bad.

The medical student and medical practitioner perspective on this years budget is a mixed one and how you will see it depends on how much you value the public good over your white collar, upper-middle class dreams. If the deregulation of the tertiary education system is a sign of things to come and Medicare is next, I’m sure a larger percentage of doctors can look forward to sending their kids to precious private schools, buying small but tasteful yachts and driving Mercedes AMGs. On the other hand if you answered ‘I really want to help people (whilst not financially fucking them over)’ when asked at the medicine entry interview then I’m sure you’ll find 2014’s toxic mega-colon of a budget a real pain in the ass.

None of us are surgeons or dermatologists yet and we still live very much in university-land. Many of us have younger siblings that can now look forward to uncapped university fees (up to roughly$100000 for a typical course), higher interest rates on HECS-HELP debts (up to

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◄ Continued 6%), extra fees on PHD courses and 6 month waiting period for Newstart allowance. These changes courtesy of One Term Tony and Dick-Jockey Hockey and are sure to mean that the average Newcastle medicine cohort looks a lot more like a bunch of Bond medical students than actual people with souls. The introduction of a $7 copayment fee for pathology, imaging and GP visits is the initial step in dismantling universal free healthcare and an impressive exercise in ideology over evidence. For the first time in ages you and I won’t be able to go to the GP for free and neither will our future patients. It may not seem like a lot of money but it is another barrier preventing the disadvantaged from accessing healthcare. It is easy to dehumanise patients when you think of them as just another Patient B for Bogan from Mayfield with Hep C, Type 2 diabetes and a burgeoning heroin addiction who is there for management of blood sugar so high it’d make Gina Rinehart wince. However, if you’re completely heartless it’s important to remember that the same patient showing up to the JHH ED unconscious, blind and with lower limb ulcers will make your day as a sleep deprived intern ten times worse.

The removal of $80 billion dollars of federal funding from health and education over the next 10 years means we can all look forward to more shit-shows between state and federal governments like the one recently surrounding who is responsible for intern place funding. In an ideal world the general Australian populace would have shown some foresight and not voted the Liberal Party in. However many Australians seem to live in some kind of aspirational delusion where someday they’ll be earning more than $250000 and hence ‘we better

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not tax that pay bracket too much’. A manufactured budget emergency is a great excuse to cut essential services and underfund health and education, it’s the exact thing the Liberal party did in the Howard years and the exact same thing it’s doing now. You shouldn’t be surprised. Also…. $252 million for religious chaplains in public schools whilst Aboriginal language programs worth $9.5 million are cut?! What a crock of shit. /end rant

A Very Big Project Run by a Fellow Armadillo against the Co-payment Scheme By Dave Townsend

In the words of the World Health Organization Director-General Dr Margaret Chan: “I regard universal health coverage as the single most powerful concept that public health has to offer. It is inclusive. It unifies services and delivers them in a comprehensive and integrated way, based on primary health care.” The aims of the campaign are as follows: 1.

2.

3.

www.copaystories.com I created CoPayStories to be a site where people can share their stories, and let those stories speak for themselves. Myself and the rest of the team want to document what changes this co-payment will bring to the health system and bring exposure to the real stories of real people. We hope this campaign might be useful for community members, patients, journalists, researchers, policy makers and the health sector more widely. The campaign is being run by a coalition of people from across the health sector who believe that universal healthcare is one of the cornerstones of Australian society and should be protected. Team members include medical students, doctors, health researchers, writers and journalists.

4.

To educate the Australian public on the facts and figures around the GP Co-Payment by translating the Government proposals & documents from “Bureaucratic Language” to Australian English. To analyse the impact of similar co-payment programs overseas by collating research and summarising it, both as articles for the website and as visual infographics that can be shared through Social Media.

To share the stories of all Australians, including health consumers, patients, carers, health professionals and organisations about what impact the proposed co-payment will have on their health, the health of their loved ones and the health of their communities. To apply pressure on all sides of politics to abolish this proposal and ensure the long term protection of Medicare and universal healthcare in Australia.

What do you think about the budget? Love it? Hate it? Really, really hate it? TeamDuctus and UNMS would like to hear what you think about it to guide our advocacy platforms and our next plan of action. If you have something to say, be sure to send an email to TeamDuctus at publications@unms.org.au or Daniel the NSWMSC Rep at nswmsc@unms.org.au.


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MIPS membership is free for healthcare students. It’s also free for healthcare graduates from the day of your graduation until the next 30 June. Visit mips.com.au/join to apply. Day to day, medical practitioners face significant risk of complaints, legal action and investigation. It's not simply the threat of financial loss but also the risk of losing your registration, reputation and livelihood that makes it so important. Protection, support and advice is essential. That’s why MIPS membership, including indemnity insurance cover, was designed by healthcare practitioners to exceed the minimum requirements outlined by AHPRA. It’s also the reason that membership benefits extend to 24-hour Clinico-Legal Support, risk education and MIPS Protections (an additional layer of discretionary cover for non-medical indemnity matters arising from your professional practice). 1800 061 113 | info@mips.com.au | mips.com.au

Any financial product advice is of a general nature and not personal or specific. You should read the Membership Benefits Handbook Combined Financial Services Guide and Product Disclosure Statement available from mips.com.au/publications before making a decision on whether to join MIPS. Medical Indemnity Protection Society Ltd ABN 64 007 067 281 AFSL 301912. AD20131004




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By Ned McNamee & Alex Tridgell

Experience is the key to the kingdom

Whilst the medical profession has always seemed like an isolated ecosystem, the same golden rule of all industries still applies: Experience is King. In the same way that an experienced teacher is the most highly valued, so too are the most experienced doctors sought after.

Medical students’ time is spent overwhelming locked inside lecture halls slowly developing vitamin D deficiency or sitting in the bowels of Huxley library trying to come up with hilarious mnemonics for their exams. Throughout the early years of medicine there is only a splash of clinical experience dotted throughout a sea of content. Collaborative learning is a core principle of modern tertiary education. On this, the JMP has always been well ahead of the curve, especially when it first introduced problem-based learning before we were born. It is the sharing of experience that makes collaborative learning (like PBL) more vibrant and effective than traditional two-dimensional teaching methods. As third year medical students ourselves, our own shortcomings have been enlightening. We’ve seen the power of collaborative learning and witnessed the importance of experience in our chosen profession.

Programs like MedPALS (Medical Peer Assisted Learning Sessions) and now PASS have illustrated that

by far the most popular and effective lessons come from our senior peers. It is by seeking the experience of our colleagues that we find ourselves finally grasping the concepts of modern medicine.

Ground Up: Medicine has been built on the principle of using collaborative learning to harness experience. In a vibrant, online environment, a team of young medical students is seeking to redefine how students learn from other’s experience and insight. We use the shared experience of hundreds of students to build a student-directed resource that highlights the most relevant and up to date information in a digestible format, written by fellow students. The creators of the content are your senior colleagues, students and interns who have only recently grappled with the tough concepts of Medicine – these are the people best placed to communicate at our level.

What you’ll find when you log on to www.groundupmedicine.com is a number of categories where we place the best student notes on those topics. These are made available to our subscribers. Ground Up: Medicine is always looking for bright and engaged students to become part of our team. Here is an opportunity to get recognition for excelling at what we all do; synthesising a semester into a succinct set of mnemonics and flow diagrams. Become a part of your own medical education and always be one step ahead with Ground Up Medicine. Be sure to check out Ground Up: Medicine on the world wide web at www.groundupmedicine.com to learn about this initiative, to sign up or for any further enquaries. Also, make sure you find Ground Up: Medicine on Facebook!

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7

6

NETBALL UNMS Blacksox (Division 3)

NETBALL UNMS Redsox (Division 2)

TOUCH FOOTBALL UNMS Whitesox (Division 3)

TOUCH FOOTBALL UNMS Redsox (Division 2)

NETBALL UNMS Whitesox (Division 2)

BASKETBALL UNMS Redsox (Division 1)

BASKETBALL UNMS Whitesox (Diision 2)

Team

Male: Dave Heath (7pts) Female: Sally Healy & Ellie McEwen (4pts)

Male: Ben Challis (8pts) Female: Andrea Fernando (6pts)

Male: Jordan Cohen Female: Lauren Stone

Male: Ben Jacobs (5pts) Female: Sally Healy (4pts)

Male: Grayson Genn & James Wayte (4pts) Female: Siobhan Cole (6pts)

Male: Jack Giddey (4pts) Female Anita Shirwaiker (7pts)

Male: Dan Oliver Female: Holly Jordan

MVP Race ( ½ Season Leaders)

6

6

4

4

6

5

5

G

1

1

1

1

2

2

4

W

4

4

2

2

3

2

1

L

0

0

0

1

0

0

1

D

0

0

0

0

1

1

0

E

29

35

10

24

41

149

131

PP

70

86

14

26

51

157

104

PA

-41

-51

-4

-2

-10

-8

27

PD

41.43

40.7

71.4

92.3

80.39

94.9

125.96

S%

16.6

20.0

25.0

37.5

50.0

60.0

70.0

W%

We have just passed the halfway point of Semester 1 Social Sport and so far it’s been a semester to remember. Our talented bunch of new rookies have excelled and blossomed into star athletes, whilst our big name veterans have shown nothing but pure class, leaving our spectators in awe. It has been

5

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2

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Place

By Nick Hewett & Toby Hunt a season full of surprises; season ending injuries, the lay-by of a new drum and mascot and much to everyone’s surprise Toby hasn’t been decked yet.

Here is an update on the Medsoc team race, MVP race as well as some Individual accolades for some of our team members:


Mid-season Awards Basketball: ◙◙ Best executive move of the season – Ben McMahon and Toby Hunt. Kenneth ‘Dwightmare’ Lee (relegated to Broadmeandow D-League team) replaced by Jack ‘The Shaq’ Giddey (Free agent signing) ◙◙ Refreshments Leadership Award - Ravi Naran, for his dedication to keeping his teammates fully hydrated. Dance: ◙◙ The Miley Cyrus “Twerking Award” – Emmie Best, came in like a wrecking ball.

Netball: ◙◙ The Cher award for “Turning Back Time”– Joshua Darlow (Age – 100), has managed to play all season without the assistance of his personal carer, hearing aid and walking frame.

Soccer: ◙◙ The Pretty Woman award for “Best Hustler”: Ben Challis for doing “anything” he can to win. Surfing: ◙◙ The Riddler award - Jenis Catic, for his diabolical question: ▬▬ Would rather watch your parents “surf” everyday for the rest of your life? or ▬▬ Join in on their “surfing” once and have it over and done with. Hint: Replace surf with another word

Touch Football: ◙◙ Gutsiest Coaching Call of the Season – Jim ‘The Ghost’ Fann, has implemented a rehabilitation-rotation scheme that payed off when he rested his star player “Jim Fann”, ensuring his teams first win of the season.

If you’re looking for more keep an eye out for: ◙◙ Sports social nights (Bledisloe Cup, Soccer World Cup) ◙◙ Surfing 2.0 ◙◙ Registration for Sem 2 sports ◙◙ Interfaculty Sports ◙◙ Med vs. Law rugby ◙◙ MSC sports day

Mental Health and Sports Onto some more serious discussion in the theme of this Ductus, is sport linked to mental health?

particularly in team sports has been shown to be beneficial in preventing depression, assisting in the treatment of depression, decreasing rates of chronic disease and chronic pain, reducing anxiety and helping to maintain psychological wellbeing (uptodate, 2014). So not only do you benefit in a physical sense, but it is an important part of maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

Recap: Med vs Law Rugby 2013 ▼

(Where we beat Law to win the trophy, hell yes)

Toby and I have put a lot of thought into this, and have concluded after many hours of research that there is a strong correlation between sport and mental health. The data encapsulated in ‘The Medsoc Cohort Study’ by Hewett, Hunt et al, provided overwhelming evidence that those that are not involved in Medsoc sport are doomed to an existence of solitude and mental isolation.

The 2014 study split the Newcastle medical cohort into 3 groups, those who play sport through Medsoc, those who pursue sport outside of Medsoc, and people who play no sport. Whilst performing this study Hewett & Hunt et al. found that members of Medsoc sports teams possessed high concentrations of attributes that may affect the study. They adjusted for these confounders, such as dashing good looks, charm and general awesomeness, yet still found that those in Medsoc sports teams experienced higher rates of self reported happiness, achieved more non-biased awards in this edition of ductus, and had better self-image ratings. On a more serious note it is common knowledge that exercise keeps you healthy through more than just physical fitness, and multiple studies have verified this link. Exercise,

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By Team Ductus

cm (8-inch) square cake pan with parchment paper, letting paper extend over two opposite sides. Butter the two other sides.

Step 2

In a bowl, combine flour and salt. Set aside.

Step 3

Everyone knows the James Wayte. The guy who plays five sports, is the life of every party, does well in PBL and runs MedSoc in his spare time. Did you know, Wayte is a great baker as well? Yes girls, get in line.

This time, we share a recipe from Wayte’s own secret Book of Fabuwous Wecipes: Nutella Brownies. Mmmm even the sound of that makes us salivate so uncontrollably.

Ingredients

125 ml (1/2 cup) unbleached all-purpose flour 1 ml (1/4 teaspoon) salt 2 eggs

In another bowl, beat eggs, hazelnut spread, brown sugar and vanilla extract with an electric mixer until smooth, about 2 minutes. With the mixer on low speed, add flour mixture, alternating with melted butter.

Step 4

Scrape batter into the cake pan. Bake until a toothpick inserted in the centre comes out with a few crumbs attached (not completely clean), 35 to 40 minutes.

Step 5

Cool in the pan for about 2 hours. Unmould and cut into squares.

Step 6

Serve warm or at room temperature. Enjoy the satisfaction as everyone else goes into a food orgasm.

250 ml (1 cup) Nutella or other chocolate–hazelnut spread 125 ml (1/2 cup) brown sugar 5 ml (1 teaspoon) vanilla extract 125 ml (1/2 cup) melted unsalted butter, cooled slightly

Step 1 With the rack in the middle position, preheat the oven to 170°C (325°F). Line the bottom of a 20-

Voila! Doesn’t that just look beyond amazing? Wayte, you did it again!

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Xin Chao Vietnam By Sasha Mathias

Where: Ho Chi Minh City (amongst others), Vietnam When: 2013

The Actual ‘HES’ Stuff Health inequity is everywhere, from developing nations to 1st world countries like Australia. But if you want to see some serious, heartbreaking inequity right in the centre of ‘metropolitan’ hubs and major cities, you can’t go past somewhere like Vietnam. All 8 of us arrived at Cho Ray Hospital on our first day, with white coats on and new badges dangling from our necks, expecting to face a third world situation. At the same time, we all thought it can’t be THAT bad, this is one of three major hospitals in the country, a tertiary referral centre. A handout we received told us that there were 3000 beds available in the hospital, and then, that there were 4500 inpatients at one time. Confused ? We were too, until we went to the neurology ward and saw that anyone privileged to have a bed inside the ward shared it with 2 – 3 other patients. If you were solo, you were out on the balcony, most likely recovering from major surgery. Goodbye five moments of hand hygiene, hello poverty.

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Forget spending 8 weeks in the hospital to discover the intricate ins and outs of equitable (or non-equitable) health delivery, 5 minutes in

any department will show a wealth of assignment topics, from infection control to resource allocation to frank corruption.

Regardless of your country, your location, your hospital, make sure that you’re prepared to be shocked, to be confused and at times, outraged by practices that you observe. But don’t forget to recognise the privilege we’ve received in a high class medical program. We’re in the second largest city in NSW, with every professional imaginable at our fingertips and, regardless of what the budget says, a relative wealth of funding to help our patients. Remember where we’ve come from, and how lucky we are, and the absolute honour of being able to share in these people’s lives and perhaps participate in their medical care. The ‘Fun’ Stuff

On the flipside, as a tourist, Vietnam is one place where you can live like a king on a very small budget. Eating out is cheaper than buying ingredients and cooking them yourself, marketplaces are everywhere and filled with (mostly fake) wares, accommodation over $15/ night feels criminal and travel is so cheap it almost seems like a necessity, not a luxury.

We were lucky enough to have some really awesome supervisors who were happy to give us long weekends, because, as one head of department put it ‘my country is so beautiful’ and boy was he right. We managed to explore the Mekong Delta, Vung Tau, Nha Trang, Hanoi and Ha Long Bay as well as Phnom Penh and Siem Reap in Cambodia. Highlights ◙◙

◙◙

Vinpearl Land in Nha Trang – An entire island whose only role is to house a themepark and waterpark. Not to mention the world’s longest gondola ride that you need to take to get to it !

The Mekong Delta System –


◙◙

◙◙

◙◙

pretty much exactly as beautiful as it looks in pictures. Don’t miss out on a ride in a hand-rowed boat through the smaller canals. Ha Long Bay – No trip to Vietnam is complete without a visit to Ha Long Bay, one of the new seven natural wonders of the world. Book a cruise which includes kayaking (!!) and a trip to Sung Sot caves.

The Angkor Temple Complex, Cambodia – Another UNESCO world heritage site which is unbelievably stunning. Make sure you take plenty of water for the day, cover up, and don’t miss the sunrise over Angkor Wat. Ho Chi Minh City – we spent most of our time in ‘The Hoch’, exploring Bui Vien (the main backpacker street), Ben Tanh markets and all the nightlife the city had to offer.

Memorable Moments: ◙◙

◙◙

◙◙

Getting stuck in an elevator, in between two floors, during a power outage. After prying open the doors, we shimmied through the gap between the ceiling and the elevator floor, only later realizing that decapitation was a real possibility if the power had come back on. Moral of the story: just stay put and wait for help.

Being detained at the Vietnam-Cambodia border for not having valid re-entry visas. Subsequently, we had to ride on the back of two non-english speaking strangers’ motorbikes, get some mugshots taken (luckily there was a photo place in rural Cambodia) and hang out in the police compound surrounded by men with guns. Moral of the story: don’t trust your travel agent. Halloween in Hanoi where we joined a massive group of backpackers moving from club to club as they each got shut down, ran across a highway

and ended up in Vietnam’s answer to Fanny’s. Which also then got shut down. But luckily, after we hid in the back garden for ½ hour during a police raid, the whole place opened up for business again. Moral of the story: always ask your taxi driver where the ragers are.

Oh the places you’ll go! By Moiré Cuncannon

Where: Cuzco, Peru. Glorious capital of the Incas When: 2013

HES…for some this word will result in reminiscing about two glorious months of freedom, the adventures you had, and the people you met; for others it will remind you of the paper work you have yet to complete and need to give to Lou ASAP to pass the first requirement of being an independent medical student. The rest of you will have a vague idea or none at all about what I’m talking about. To quickly enlighten those of you who are unaware of the adventure in store for you at the end of 3rd year, HES, the health equity selective, is a two month placement where you get to go anywhere in the world to get a better understanding about people’s ability to achieve good health and their access to health care. Your only requirement when choosing a location is that you will be able to observe health disparities that are unnecessary, avoidable, unjust, and unfair in the population you work with. After much debate I chose Cuzco, Peru - the capital of the Incas. This was a great decision as not only did Global Volunteer Network organise my placement and accommodation but Cuzco is a wonderful city to spend two months in. Even though I

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◄ Continued started as a solo traveller I soon became part of a large community of international volunteers who also wanted to experience South American culture, help people, and most importantly have lots of fun-filled adventures. Thankfully Peruvians really know how to party so we did not have to go far to find a good time. One of the highlights was living with my host mother Pilar and her elderly uncle Marcos. They included their three volunteers in everything and my conversational Spanish greatly improved because of their patience and enjoyment of finding out what I’d been up to each day. I had two clinical placements in Cuzco. Both were eye-opening. My first placement was in an orphanage for children with physical and intellectual disabilities. Day one there was like stepping inside one of those documentaries about orphanages where children are in horrendous conditions and tied to chairs. Though I expected conditions to be bad I did not completely understand the extent of the hardships these children are forced to endure until I saw it for myself.

I can only recommend singing in such situations. It meant that I could entertain/console a room full of children at the same time. ‘Old Macdonald’ with Spanish animal names replacing the English and ‘if you’re happy and you know it’ became hits with the children. My other placement was in a government clinic for the most disadvantaged people in Cuzco. During obstetric house visits I was able to see how many Peruvians live and got a better appreciation of what poverty in a developing country really is. The joy of this placement was the paediatric clinic where I had a new baby to examine every 10 minutes; all of them were adorable. All in all my HES placement was very rewarding. It was a great pleasure to give my time to the children at both placements and when possible help alleviate some of the hardships they face daily.

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For those of you who are yet to venture off onto HES remember this where ever you end up, whether it is on the other side of the world or just around the corner, you will have an amazing time, meet some inspirational people, and see something you definitely did not expect to see. HES truly is the chance to pick your own adventure and it will be as good as you make it. So in the words of the great Dr. Seuss ‘You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…’.

Welkem to Solomons By Ming Yong

Where: Honiara, Solomon Islands. A very big hole in a very big ocean. When: 2013

You would think that half the time doing HES on a tropical island nation in the Pacific Ocean would be learning medicine in the setting of a tropical island and the other half chilling in paradise. This was the impression Alex (Scott) and I were under when we started planning our HESventures on the Solomon Islands. This was rather silly, looking in retrospect, since our research on the Solomon Islands while writing our HES proposals indicated that the country is one of the poorest in the world, went bankrupt only a decade ago, and has had numerous ongoing civil and cultural unrests, as recent as 2005. ...but surely, it is still a tropical paradise? Surely the sands will be white, and the waters clean, and, you know, everything paradise-y.


Yeah, we were so, so, so wrong. The Solomon Islands can only be described as a very big hole! The sands and water were dirty, a cocktail, where available, can cost up to 30 dollars, and there definitely weren’t spots where you can just chill and take in the sun after hospital sessions, since the good beaches can be hours away from the hospitals. However, if I get a second shot at HES, would I choose to do something different or go somewhere else? Nope, definitely not. But why not?

The Solomon Islands is a gem in the rough. While the country may be in a financial, environmental and political mess, Solomon Islanders are some of the happiest people I’ve ever met. One of the most defining moments for me in the Sollies is when me and two other guys caught a ‘bus’ to the outskirts of town (note: bus = back of a truck), we got charged the same amount for this ride as any other local would, even though we were evidently tourists - something that never happens in other developing nations! How was the ‘actual’ HES stuff?

We did half our HES in Gizo, the capital of the Western Province and second biggest ‘city’ in the Islands, and the other half in Honiara, the capital and biggest cit of the island nation.

While Gizo is the second biggest city of the Islands, it is still a tiny village, with no building taller than two stories. The hospital here is brand spankin’ new, built by the Japaenese only a year before we got there. Again, this may sound fancy, but there are only 4 doctors there. Cray. Clinically, we got to: ◙◙ Do lots of primary healthcare stuff like run our own clinics and consults, diagnose, prescribe under the supervision of doctors. ◙◙ Help out with general surgery. ◙◙ Ward rounds every morning.

Honiara, on the other hand, has the biggest referral hospital in the Solomons. The National Referral Hospital where we did our second half of HES is everything ‘third world country hospital’ imaginable. Think overcrowded wards, weird surgical trauma cases, and intense heat, humidity and human-stench. Yep, it was an experience.

Clinically, we got to do more tertiary healthcare stuff here, for instance: ◙◙ I worked most nights and days in the ED, and help with venepunctures, cannulas and lots, and lots of histories. The highlight, though, is cardioverting a patient three times, by myself (I even got to shout “CLEAR!” like in the movies) ◙◙ Alex spent most of his time in the labour ward, where he helped four mothers deliver babies without pain killers! ◙◙ Lots and lots of intense ward rounds with most wtf diseases like leprosy.

The bottom line I loved my HES experience in the Solomons, even though the nation was a far cry from a Pacific Paradise. When HES-ing, be prepared for the unexpected, because I guarantee, they make the adventure a much more memorable!

What about the ‘fun’ stuff?

Although a hole, there were still a number of ‘fun’ stuff we got to do outside hospital. The most memorable: ◙◙ ‘Rafting,’ i.e. paddling a plastic inflatable boat down a very long and dirty river. ◙◙ Sitting at the back of a truck to go to the beach. ◙◙ Sight seeing, especially war memorials (from the Pacific War). Some of these include tanks, planes and an island filled with skulls. ◙◙ Scuba diving! I did 10 dives and got 2 certificates. Some of the sights I saw underwater were amazing, including sunken ships, a billion fishes, sharks and turtles!! ◙◙ The ‘nightlife.’ The endless string of nightclubs, prostitutes and Islanders who can’t handle their alcohol; it was the true definition of #yolo. ◙◙ The Central Market, where you can get fruits and fish for the cheapest price. ◙◙ The fact that you can get Coffee and Big Brekkies in this hole, in fully Australian-styled cafes.

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By Jazmin Daniells

Health Equity Selective aka HES; the 8-week placement that is the shiny glimmer of light at the end of a dark and ominous tunnel known as 3rd year.

Most students elect to spend their 8 weeks of placement outside of Australia. Ditching the creature comforts of home and swapping for a backpack, cold showers and a life altering experience. After attending AMSA’s Global Health Conference and developing a passion for Global Health, I’m excited for my opportunity to see Global Health first hand. Viewing different countries and their health care system and how these differ from Australia. An opportunity to see how different countries and cultures do their best to manage the health of their people. My plans for HES:

My first four weeks will be spent with 11 other students in Vietnam. Organised in conjunction with the University of Newcastle and Antipodeans Abroad, an educational travel company valuing sustainable grassroots community projects.

Antipodeans have provided us with a blow-by-blow itinerary outlining each day. We’ll be heading from the capital Hanoi to tiny villages in the Mai Chou region. We’ve been told there are no doctors or hospitals in these villages, only small community health clinics run by committed nurses.

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Going with a company like Antipodeans Abroad is perfect for those chasing a no-fuss, fully organised trip.

After four weeks in Vietnam we are planning on making our way to South America, an absolute logistical nightmare!

So four flights and 56 hours later we’ll be arriving in South America; more specifically Cochabamba, Bolivia. The fourth largest city in Bolivia is a hustling and bustling hub of University students. Here we will be based in a tertiary hospital. A big difference from the tiny clinics we will be working with in Vietnam. Other popular HES destinations include countries in Africa, like Tanzania, India, Fiji, the rest of South East Asia and South America. Some head off to the UK or Europe.

No matter where you end up, if you chose to go trek abroad for your HES placement, having an understanding of Global Health will no doubt enrich your placement! Luckily for you the Australian Medical Students’ Association (AMSA) is bringing their Global Health Conference to Sydney in September this year. Get ready to jump into 4 days of inspiring academics, 5 nights of out of this world social and an experience of Sydney you have never had before! GHC will fill the gaps in your Global Health knowledge with academic speakers such as José Ramos-Horta, Nobel Laureate, and Dr Alessandro Demaio who will blow you away with their inspiring journeys.

If academic isn’t yet your calling, don’t stress as GHC has something for everyone! Social offers funtimes and networking opportunities over 5 nights! Be prepared to venture into some of Sydney’s coolest venues and party like never before. Will you be one of the 600 medical students who jump into GHC this September? Registration opens 9pm 5th of June!!



By Ductus Doctor

Dear Ductus Doctor, I’m a young calf with fairly good success out in the ring, but I can’t seem to get past the fact that it’s always me who approaches the ladies and not the other way around. What’s the deal? Are they intimidated by my 5 panel and detailed knowledge of oral anatomy? How do I get them to chase me?? From, Barnyard Babe.

It is fairly common knowledge that it is the blokes who are supposed to pursue the sheilas through a variety of techniques such as the 5-panel-and-buttoned-up-patternedshirt-peacocking and constant snapchats-that-they-pretend-tosend-to-everyone-but-really-onlyharass-that-one-girl-with crazes that have eradicated any traces of good old chivalry, which is where all this began. And the girls are supposed to just sit tight and wait for Mr Not-really-right-but-you’ll-dofor-a-few-free-dinners-or-at-leasta-couple-of-breakfasts-the-morning-after-shitty-sex. That’s the way it has been for, if not centuries, then for a few decades at least. But, like you, I’m hoping that this will change, and that it becomes a bit more of an even playing field. As Bondi Hipsters put it late last year in a post on their Facebook page (which I highly recommend for the witty politicahl commentary), more and more people are “totally on board with this whole female equality movement that is hahpenning right now”. Hopefully, as they go on to suggest, this will mean an equal amount of effort on both the male and female parts, including during the initiation of a relationship.

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I like to think that this equality (which currently only exists in a sort of imagined future and certainly not in a country with Toned Abs running it) would solve your problems, Barnyard. In the mean-

time however, some tips*: ♥♥ If you want to be chased for a bit, play it cool! Not all the time obviously, or she’ll think you are just a douche, but once she is obviously interested, take turns at doing the chasing bit. ♥♥ Surround yourself with people less attractive than you, so that if the girls are not exactly “chasing you”, they are at least running away from your posse, hopefully into your arms. ♥♥ Another way you can get girls to chase you, and this is not officially DD-endorsed, is to get some sieve of a person (someone who cannot keep a secret to save a life) to spread a flattering rumour about you. Use your imagination, and stay away from the generic “he’s got a big ****”. *All of these tips above are by no means a good way to start a relationship, and DD takes no responsibility for any emotional or mental damage that may ensue following such childish mind games.

Dear Ductus Doctor, I’ve had my eye on a particular boy for the last few months and have finally been getting signs that my interest might be reciprocated. But he has an old girlfriend that he is still close to and talks to almost everyday. He has even been talking about practicing abdomen and chest exams with her. How do I get my foot in the door while slamming it in her face? Sincerely, q The most concerning thing I’m reading in this letter, q, is the term “old girlfriend”. Does that mean a female friend: a.

b. c.

Who he is no longer together with, in which case the correct term would be “ex-girlfriend”, Who is older in years than you, or Who he never broke up with but has been going out with for ages, and during which re-


lationship he continues to flirt with other girls.

These are all highly probable possibilities but lets go with a), as it makes the most sense. So, the ageold concern of Pesky Ex. You have a few options here:

You can be open with this boy about your feelings, explain to him your concerns about Pesky Ex, and hope that he immediately breaks off contact with her and practices all kinds of examinations all up and down you. However, the problem with this plan (as with any diplomatic, sensible plans), is that it is relying on a boy to be upfront and honest. We are notoriously sensitive and defensive. What’s more is, it’s never good to tell someone you like them and give them an order at the same time. So scratch that. What DD suggests is that you, at the soonest available opportunity, get together with this boy. Skip the talking and feeling parts. Get into bed with him and, at the risk of sound creepy, don’t let him leave.

From now on, it’s study group together, it’s sitting together in HB15 together, it’s waiting for each other’s PBLs to finish awkwardly in that mosquito-infested corridor, it’s romantic nights with Dr Najeeb together. Get him under your control and you’ll have no worries-Pesky Ex won’t know where he’s gone! On a serious note, do make sure he maintains regular contact with his parents, feeds his pet fighting fish etc. You don’t want to get in trouble for what is effectively kidnap and imprisonment. Dear Ductus Doctor,

My (sort of) boyfriend has been acting suspicious. He keeps leaving late at night to go and ‘help a friend’ or because he ‘needs to do PBL’, when I know for a fact all he does is wiki anything that comes up. He won’t let me see his texts and refuses to hold my hand in public. This is be

cause he says he has a rare skin disease of the palms that leaves no physical trace but is extremely deadly and very transmissible. Am I crazy for thinking that something might be going wrong? Dear Dumbass (you did not leave a name so I gave you a pseudonym). Now you are clearly in first or second year and therefore have zero knowledge of dermatology, but you also don’t seem to have all the lights on at home.

Firstly, who in years 1-2 does PBL late at night? That’s right, nobody. In fact who even does PBL in years 1-2? First reason to ditch (sort of) boyfriend.

Secondly, I can understand why he would be annoyed if you wanted to read his iMessage/What’sApp/ Viber/FacebookMessenger (invasion of privacy etc), but texts? That is suspicious. Quite regardless of the content, there is definitely something wrong if he continues to use Short Messaging Service. Second reason to ditch (sort of) boyfriend. Thirdly, and this for me is really the clincher, this whole skin-hand-notouchy thing. Quite aside from the obvious flaws in his description of the condition (DDx: Cocksackie virus A16, Enterovirus 71, cheaterus chronicus), if you cannot hold hands in public because you will die, then how is he explaining the sex? Is there no sex? I’m guessing there isn’t. So no sex, and not even cuddles late night because he disappears. Third reason to ditch (sort of) boyfriend.

Do you have a love question burning deep within the ventricles of your heart? Do you want to confess your love to someone from the rooftops? Too shy? Afraid of getting shut down? Then let Ductus Doctor do all the dirty work for you. A pretty good winwin situation in our opinion. To ask Ductus Doctor a question, flcik an email to publications@unms.org.au and we’ll forward it to DD (she’s so old, she doesn’t know what an ‘e-mail,’ or ‘the Facebook’ is) xoxo ♥

Come on dumbass, you’ve got to be seeing through this guy! He either needs a psych assessment for schizophrenia or another delusional/paranoiac disorder, or he needs to be kicked to the curb, because he’s otherwise clearly suffering from the third DDx above. DD xoxo

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By Tahl Zagron

Tahl on Mental Health

This Ductus has a subtle focus on mental health - if you haven’t realized that already. Since i don’t actually want to do any research on mental health I thought that instead of telling you about self help clinics, lifeline volunteering or some other altruistic activity you could undertake to nourish your soul in Newcastle, I thought that I would just tell you about places you can go mental, or maybe just sit back meet some cool people, listen to some cool tunes and all together just have a cool time. Cool?

The Classics

Customs, the Brewery, Argyle house. These places have people in them on Wednesday nights; the drinks are student priced but screw you. If you’re actually at these places you’re too blind to care anyway. Nothing actually cool happens here but the pull is astonishingly easy and the clap is curable.

Bar on the Hill

“Ok, ok, ok,” you’re saying, “Seahorse, you can’t tell me anything about BOTH that I don’t already know. But do you know that BOTH does really cool lunchtime music throughout the semester? You did? Did you know that 6 beers makes public health interesting? Keep your eye out for cultural week where you can buy a beer passport (or a few) and go on a few round trips of the globe.

Music

The Lass, the Great Northern, Cambridge, the Small Ballroom, and Lizzotes. So the Great Northern and the Lass have regular music 5 and 4 nights a week respectively (and I’m talking about actual music), and no cover charge (most nights).

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The small ballroom next to the G on Maitland Road is an amazing little band room with a funky grunge vibe. Couple that with an almost fortnightly excellent lineup including bands such as Saskwatch , San Cisco, Half Moon Run, Sticky Fingers and heaps more, this place is one of my favourites. Oh and don’t forget the drag bar next door! The queens are more than accommodating and at least two drinks here is a must for any show at the ballroom. Buy tickets. Cambridge is another pub with a band room out back. Check the lineup and buy ticks for the shows you want to go to. There are also Bloody Mary’s here, Sundays at midday.

Lizzotes is this cool little lounge tapas restaurant that has really cool bands on. Lior was there just the other week. Date night winner or just a great night out with mates. Perhaps my favorite place to go for a drink in Newcastle is Terrace Bar near Civic Station. Don’t be put off by the peeling wallpaper, exposed brickwork or the uninviting exterior. The downstairs bar features a vinyl only DJ spinning some of the coolest soul funk be bop and reggae beats around town. The 2 shot mason jar cocktails for $8 doesn’t hurt too bad and they’re not too bad to boot (I recommend the Bloody Maria or the Pims No.1 jar).

Upstairs is a jungle tropical themed bar. This sweet little venue delivers again and again. In a word – atmosphere. Bring your phone and text the number on the door to get into this secret American prohibition themed rum bar. Need i say more?

The Grain Store

With 21 boutique beers on tap, a pretty sick kitchen and screens this is a great place to catch the rugby while you enjoy microbrew and destroy an American style chillie dog.


Recap: First Incision ► Recap: Decades Party ▼

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Disclaimer: None of this is true. None of these things were actually said. It is complete fabrication. Intended for amusement only. Do not read if easily offended.

Orthopedic Surgeon Finds Strange Sound with Stethoscope: Stryker Rep Unable to Determine Source of Noise

Dr. Harry Bonecutter, a prominent orthopedic surgeon at Pittsburgh Health, identified a strange noise emanating from a patient which he could not identify. The incident occurred in his office during a routine preoperative visit for a total knee replacement. Typically Dr. Bonecutter would forego using a stethoscope, but now patient satisfaction surveys asks patients, did the physician listen to the heart and lungs?

“I found my stethoscope under a pile of muscle magazines and big league chew. I hadn’t used it in years,” said Bonecutter. “When I placted the stethoscope somewhere near the patient’s heart, I heard a very strange sound. I immediately called in the Stryker Sales rep to help identify the sound since this was out of my field of expertise.” The Stryker rep made a few suggestions that it could be heart sounds, and did help confirm that the patient had a regular heartbeat. Surprisingly, the reps are called in more frequently than you might have thought.

“Yeah, sometimes they call us in for food recommendations, or in the morning to pick out a tie, or if they need general advice on life,” said rep Jim Tysons. “At first we just made recs for hardware during surgery, but then the orthopods started using us for anything.”

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Source: Gomerblog

Jockeys Hired as Flight Nurses to Save Costs Emergency air medical transport & critical care transport company, Lift for Life, has significantly changed their operations. In an unprecedented move to save fuel costs Lift for Life replaced their entire flight crew and nurses with more ‘flight friendly’ personnel.

The move was prompted over the past few years when the nation’s weight has been growing –the flight crew was no exception- along with Lift for Life’s fuel bill. CEO Frank Withers, who is an overweight male and previous flight nurse, told reporters “In the old days you had a pilot and two guys. You’d fly to the site, jump out, throw the patient in, and take off.” Frank reminisced.

“Now on each flight you need a pilot, co-pilot, flight nurses, paramedics, EMT-Basics, and respiratory therapists. Might as well take a 747.”

Mr. Withers the entrepreneur he is, decided to send his entire crew to fit camp. This did not get the results he was after, so he snuck gut worms into the company’s free lunch. Oddly enough this was the most effective weight loss option, but he still searched for more. “I was doing it all wrong, I was taking highly trained professionals and asking them to be smaller when it should have been the other way around.” While sitting with his daughter one night watching TBS, he had an epiphany: Oompa Loompas! “They saved will Wonka’s chocolate factory, the can save Lift for Life.” Withers then went on a recruiting trip to the race track. Here many Jockeys are used because they are athletic and light. Mr. Withers would approach many jockeys after the race and ask “How about a career in healthcare son?” or “Sorry for your loss kid, what do you think about riding the air-horse?”


“At first I didn’t like being called a kid, I’m a grown man! But what a great opportunity, I couldn’t pass it up.” A former jockey turned flight nurse told gomerblog.

After sending these lighter, faster employees to the correct schooling things are looking up. Lift for life has shed hundreds of pounds and thousands of dollars off their bottom line. Source: Gomerblog

Medical TV Shows: Why do Med Students Love Them? Medical students love shows that are set in a medical environment. Grey’s Anatomy, House M.D., Scrubs, Nip/Tuck, Doctor Who - the list goes on. Med students swallow them up like Skittles. In fact, it has been documented that fully 75% of the increase in medical school applications over the past three years is directly attributable to the surge in popularity of these shows. If you’re new in the television business and you’re desperate to create a hit show, all you need to do is take a bunch of old jokes from other hit television shows, and recycle them into the setting of a medical environment. You don’t even need to worry about medical accuracy, since the majority of your intended audience will never even know if you make a mistake. One reason that med students like these shows so much is that they get to live vicariously through them. Real doctors do silly things like take care of patients and fill

out paperwork, but doctors on television shows spend most of their time making snarky comments at each other and having lots and lots of sex. Doctors on television also never have to face the consequences of their actions (unless their real-life actor does something stupid). Watching these shows gives medical students a socially acceptable way to fantasize of doing nothing all day except acting as cool as Fonzie and having unnatural amounts of sex with marginally attractive individuals. Medical students also like these shows because they give the students a chance to show off how much they’re learning in school. This does let them impress people occasionally, but mostly it lets them feel good about themselves. For example, if one of the actors mispronounces a phrase like “bilateral hyperplasia of the adrenal zona fasciculata” incorrectly, they will be mocked for no less than fifteen minutes. A really serious instance of medical incorrectness can be milked for conversation fodder for weeks at a time.

Non-med students also watch these shows, but mostly because of the hot actors and actresses (Katherine Heigl, I’m looking at you) and the ridiculous situations the actors are put into. Overall, these shows have better plot elements and character development than other typical shows like Spongebob Squarepants or Friends, so it makes sense that they’ve attained mainstream popularity. Source: MedSchoolIsHard

Lady Gaga’s Doctor Finding it Difficult to Auscultate her Heart

NEW YORK, NY- Dr. Rubenstein told reporters Friday that he struggles to auscultate Lady’s Heart. Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, also known as Lady Gaga, visits

Dr. Rubenstein for her annual physicals.

A typical Lady Gaga doctor visit is usually accompanied by three to seventeen scantily clad men who act out her history with interpretive hand dancing, some have long ribbon wands. Dr. Rubenstein said “It’s just getting harder and harder to perform a full physical exam on her. I haven’t heard a heart sound in years.” Dr. Rubenstein was visibly concerned “Does she have aortic stenosis? I couldn’t tell you.” Ms. Gaga, well known for her hits Born This Way, Just Dance, and Poker Face, must be in top physical condition due to her magnificent stage performances. Her doctor spoke about the obvious obstructions. “First it was large cylindrical cones, then giant guns that continuously tried to poke my eye out, and just last week she came in and her breasts were shooting sparks! Then when you just about hear a heart sound along comes a dancer, knocks the stethoscope out of my hands during the ‘lub dub’ dance.”

When reached for comment Lady only responded, “I was born this way.” The nurses and the desk clerk were very happy at first to have a celebrity in their office. Now they get annoyed by the dancers on the check-in counter, someone turning the lights on and off repeatedly to give a strobe effect, and the unexplained fog that rolls in illuminated by lasers. Dr. Rubenstein expressed concern about her future eye exams, “Really fundoscopic exams are pointless on a 27 year-old but someday this may also be a huge issue.” Source: Gomerblog

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Want to contribute to the next edition of Ductus? Have a love for writing and want your works read? Simply keen to join #TeamDuctus? Send an email our way at publications@unms.org.au! Have a question for someone on the committee? Contact them at: President

president@unms.org.au

Secretary

secretary@unms.org.au

Vice President

vicepresident@unms.org.au

Treasurer

treasurer@unms.org.au

AMSA Rep

Sponsorship Officer Academic Convener Social Convener

Charity Conveners Sports Conveners

Publications Editors Membership Officer

amsa@unms.org.au

sponsorship@unms.org.au academic@unms.org.au social@unms.org.au

charity@unms.org.au sports@unms.org.au

publications@unms.org.au

membership@unms.org.au

International Officers international@unms.org.au Education Officer Jr AMSA Rep

AMA Liaison Officer NSWMSC Rep IT Officer

O’Camp Conveners

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education@unms.org.au jramsa@unms.org.au ama@unms.org.au

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ocamp@unms.org.au

medrevueuon@gmail.com medball@unms.org.au

Or send all your general enquiries to secretary@unms.org.au. The Treasury

Thinking of attending a medical conference in 2014? You may be eligible for up to $500 in assistance from UNMS. This may go towards transport, accommodation, sitting fees, and other costs. Please send an email to treasurer@unms.org.au for funding applications or for all other enquiries or further questions about grants and funds.



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