THE LONELY TREE AND I | DASHANTI BEGAY

THE LONELY TREE AND I

DASHANTI BEGAY

There’s a time in our lives that we question ourselves about life, such as asking ourselves “Am I really here?” “Is this reality” or “Is this even real?” Sometimes we can’t help ourselves to ask such questions, especially when it comes to days that feel dark and gloomy. It’s just the way our minds work, I believe. To keep us in check that this is reality and that everything that surrounds us is still real.

Everyday I look out my bedroom window and see the dead tree that has always been sitting there for god knows how long. I stare at that tree for about five minutes of each day and am always reminded of the two people that use to be in my life, that I’ve loved and cared for. The tree used to have bright green leaves that cancelled out the lonely branches that have now stuck out from the ground, leaving it there to be nothing but a sitting spot for birds that just happen to be passing through the lonely neighborhood that I’ve spent half my life living at. Though I never thought much of the tree while growing up, until the day I’ve lost all hope and day I lost the two most important people of my life. The day I lost them, the day the leaves on the tree began to fall, leaving it naked and exposed to the dangers of the outside world.

The two people that I mentioned I lost were people that I always thought would be in my life forever. But forever turned into a short amount of time. Now, I’m only left with the memories that they trusted me with. Sad thing is, I hardly remember any of them now. It’s like I’ve just forgotten about all the laughs, cries, and happy memories that we shared with each other. To me that didn’t seem fair to them that my mind just went completely blank once they were gone. They were my happy place, my to-go people, and I couldn’t manage to remember most of the memories that they gave me. Almost like the tree that is now left with nothing else. There are days that I wish I could see them again and maybe make more memories with them that I could actually remember. I would give anything to hear Cameron’s laugh, see his smile once more, hear him tell the cheesiest jokes and him complaining about every single thing that bothers him. To also see Kyle’s confused face every time he was lost in conversation, to see his overthinking look, to see him look and collect rocks, and just to hear him say the word “three trees” because he can’t seem to pronounce it correct. Those are things that I wish I could hear and see from them once more. But I know that’s not

possible, and I’ve made peace with it, but it doesn’t mean that I’ve got to like it. Ever since they’ve left, I find myself asking if any of this is real, or if this is actually reality. Then I reassure myself that it’s not, but it’s simply my own nightmare, that I have to live in every single day of my life, just like a genjutsu that is casted upon someone to see a fake reality or just a nightmare. Every day I look out my window to look at the lonely tree. That’s probably the reason why I get up every day and stare at it because of how lonely we both look. The tree stands their lonely without its leaves to comfort it, while I stand here lonely without the two people I cherished most in this world. We’re a lot alike than I thought we were. Maybe one day we can get back the things that don’t make us look lonely anymore. It can get back it’s leaves and I can get back my happiness. Well, at least I hope we do.