GNOME’S
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES TODAY
Brian Taylor
Published by Universal Octopus 2018 www.universaloctopus.com
COPYRIGHT © Brian F. Taylor 2018 ISBN 978-1-9999063-2-0
CONTENTS
OVERVIEW
1
1. POLITICIAN
5
2. PHARMACEUTICIST
10
3. CHURCH OF ENGLAND PRIEST 16 4. LUNATICK
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OVERVIEW
brings you Gnome’s top four selections of careers suited to today’s unstable, dangerous world, which is also, therefore, a world full of splendid opportunities for those self-motivated men and women who are prepared to seize them.
GNOMONICS
The world is awash with WARS. Consequently, there is more money to be made world-wide selling arms than almost anything else. Since it is so lucrative, Gnome says, it is a bit of a closed shop and it not easy to get your foot in the door. But the best entry point for your foot is the other door, the back door. You don’t even need to know one end of a gun from the other. Although, Gnome advises, there are other situations in life where that kind of knowledge can come in useful. But you can get in at the administrative level: the eternal middle-man; a receiver man. He receives discreetly from the UK company which sells and he receives from his contacts in the foreign governments that want to buy. If you are
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very discreet, you can, in the interests of fairness, sell to both sides in a conflict simultaneously. So, the entry point is as a politician. In addition, as a politician, both you and your Party benefit. With so many conflicts world-wide, Arms Sales compensate for the fact that, although all the more traditional exports continue to plummet while reckless Government spending always continues to rise, your Party/Government does not have to dent its popularity (and lose you your job) by having to borrow even more or risk suicide by raising taxes to plug the gap. The shrewd Politician Mrs. Thatcher must take the credit for this. At a meeting and private lunch between Politician Thatcher and shrewd King Fahd, a ÂŁ42bn contract to sell fighter jets to Saudi Arabia was set up. (Later, the shrewd Politician Tony Blair had to intervene to stop an investigation into claims of a multimillion-pound "slush fund".) The shrewd UK Governments have, on average, sold more arms than Russia, China, or France over
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the last 10 years. Only the United States is a bigger exporter.
UK arms manufacturers have exported ÂŁ5bn worth of weapons to countries that have what the unrealistic describe as repressive regimes since the last election. This huge rise is largely due to sales to countries like Saudi Arabia, Azerbaijan, Kazakhstan, Venezuela and China, countries which the uninitiated claim have controversial human rights records.
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But getting on the bandwagon is not straightforward. So, become a politician. Link up with responsible, like-minded people. Promise voters anything. Once elected‌‌. So, what exactly IS a Politician?
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1. POLITICIAN
A
Man
(or female equivalent)
who fancies a 300 year old Grade One listed residence with 100 rooms in the City of Westminster, within easy reach of Buckingham Palace, which he cannot himself afford.
To this end, he attempts to find out what his fellow citizens want so that he can promise to give it (anything) to them if they will pay for a five year lease, in his name, on the des.res.
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Once safely inside the front door, he explains that he cannot honour his promises right away because the previous tenant (unless he himself happens to be the previous tenant)
has left everything in such a mess.
His first priority, he explains, must be to clear it up. However, by way of compensation, he tries to give his fellow citizens as many of the things that they don’t want as they can afford to pay for.
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Here the matter rests (in comfort) until his fellow citizens can find a way of winkling him out of his des.res.
7
But surely, they can’t all live in No. 10, profiteering in arms? So, what do all the rest actually DO ?
Well, “all the rest” is basically about 650 members who sit, comfortably, on green animal skins, in a large room, in a Palace, on the north bank of the River Thames. Here they talk. They decide what 65 million of their fellow citizens can and can’t, should and shouldn’t, must and mustn’t, do. Actually, it only takes a majority of about 326 of them to agree as to what the rest of us millions have to do.
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JUST AS
the world is awash with wars, so it is awash with pharmaceuticals. Pharmaceuticals are a hugely important industry for the EU and the UK. They create thousands of jobs, billions of euros in exports, and are Europe's most research-intense industry. The UK ranks third in terms of the size of its exports. Current estimates are that pharmaceutical exports are more than 30 billion GBP. If you can’t make it as a Politician, get in as a Pharmaceuticist. So, what exactly IS a Pharmaceuticist?
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2. PHARMACEUTICIST
A Man
(or massive multinational company)
who trades in alternatives to the natural healers provided freely by God. Having learned from books or Herbalists or country people (or biochemists?) of plants and roots that have healing or prophylactic properties, they attempt to reproduce these as POWDERS and CONCOCTIONS and INJECTIONS in subsidised laboratories. Then, in order to protect their human customers (and their insurance premiums), they are obliged by Law to have them tested in VIVISECTION LABORATORIES on non-human VICTIMS. That is Statutory Law not Natural or Divine Law.
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“...More than 100 million mice and rats are killed in U.S. laboratories every year‌â€?
They then attempt to have the most effective natural plants and roots banned on the grounds that self-medication is bad for you, like self-masturbation, and has undesirable side-effects,
and is FREE.
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They then market their POWDERS and CONCOCTIONS and INJECTIONS, (which do have undesirable side-effects
and are EXPENSIVE) to suitably miseducated sufferers and, through bribing their agents (“doctors”), on the NHS (the Nation’s Hell for Sufferers).
GLUG GLUG GLUG GIMMEE MORE!
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GLAXOSMITHKLINE Plc agreed to plead GUILTY to misdemeanour CRIMINAL charges and pay $3billion in 2012 to settle what government officials described as the largest case of healthcare fraud in U.S. history.
Pharmaceutical Group GSK has once again been fined $3billion dollars in 2017 after admitting bribing doctors and encouraging the prescription of unsuitable anti-depressants to children. “……..The amazing thing is these antidepressants increase suicide risk… you couldn’t make it up!!!..............”
BUT…………… THEY DID!
THEY DID MAKE IT. 13
THEY MADE IT ALL RIGHT!
IN ADDITION
to wars and pharmaceuticals, the World is awash with religious strife. (When was it NOT?)
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The world is therefore hugely in need of men (or female substitutes) to stoke the fires of miseducation and bigotry and keep it simmering between periodic boilings over. There are therefore splendid opportunities (when were there NOT?) for those self-motivated men and women who are prepared to sacrifice themselves for these splendid opportunities. The method is simple. Approach the religion of your choice. Enrol with respectable, responsible, like-minded people who are already on board on the well-trodden moral high ground which pays such high dividends in terms of the treasures of this world (Matthew 6:19 KJV). For where your bank balance is, there will your heart be counting. NOTE: Spiritual Health Warning: The highlypraised post mortem, heavenly bonanza (Matthew 6:20 KJV) is often uncertain. Your stock can go down as well as up. (And it usually does.) So, what exactly IS a CHURCH OF ENGLAND PRIEST?
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3. CHURCH OF ENGLAND PRIEST (OR FEMALE SUBSTITUTE)
A
Man
(or female substitute)
who is unable or unwilling to support himself in a normal job.
A Member of a very limited Charity Company (which is funded by the taxpayer).
It has worldly assets of 5.6 billion pounds invested world-wide in banks, GlaxoSmithKline and Wonga.
Give unto Caesar..…?
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Senior members of the Company sit in the House of Lords as Backdoor Politicians. The Company invites money from anyone who comes through the doors of its workplaces (often magnificent Medieval, Grade One buildings
which originally belonged to its parent company, Papacy Inc). COE Inc was founded in 1534 by a Welshman, Henry Tudor, so that he could divorce his Spanish wife and marry the Marquess of Pembroke, who had declined to be his mistress. When Anne bore him a daughter (instead of the son he had ordered), rather than divorcing her, he summoned Jean Rombaud from Calais to cut off her head.
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Her head was buried with her body in an elm, arrow chest in front of the High Altar,
within the Chapel of St Peter in Chains.
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COE Inc has its equivalents (and their priests) and its rivals (and their priests) all over the world, most notably its former parent company, Papacy Inc.
Papacy Inc Before the advent of Mussolini‌
‌Papacy Inc had been heavily into acquiring large areas of real estate in Italy, in competition with the Emperors of Austria and the Kings of France and Prussia.
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Now it occupies reduced premises,
above the tomb of St Peter, where it houses the most valuable art collection in the world.
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It still has major subsidiaries world-wide, particularly in South America, Africa and the poorer nations. Here, its tax-farmers (priests) collect as much money as they can for the priests (tax-farmers) in exchange for workplaces (churches) and indoctrination centres (schools) for small sinners (children).
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And bomb-proof Pope-mobiles.
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IN ADDITION
to wars, pharmaceuticals, religious strife and priests, the World still boasts a plentiful supply of LUNATICKS.
(When did it NOT?) Traditionally, these have been unemployable (and incurable), although their sufferings have always afforded entertainment for the self-certified sane. Nowadays, however, their previously unrecognised talents have found an expanding niche in the expanding craziness of the modern world. Although still incurable, they can increasingly share their condition with the self-certified sane. Out of the blue, they are now one of Gnome’s top four selections for careers suited to today’s unstable, dangerous world which is a world full …of splendid opportunities! So, what exactly IS a LUNATICK?
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4. LUNATICK (formerly Love’s Labours Lost) “Today’s cutting edge of career opportunities.” ─Gnome
H
istorically, Lunaticks were considered socially dysfunctional and incarcerated in protective institutions:
“A Church of Our Lady is named Bedlam. In that place be found many men that be fallen out of their wit. And some be abiding therein for ever, for they be fallen so much out of themselves that it is incurable unto man”.
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Righteous citizens would visit them out of compassion or to laugh at the Devil’s Jig (and sufferings), just as they would visit the Tyburn Tree
where the hangings were public spectacles, attracting crowds of thousands who would pay on public holidays to watch dying highwaymen "dancing the Tyburn jig",
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or patronise Fayres to see Bearded Ladies, fake unicorns, and real Bear Baiting.
Times have changed in accordance with Gnome’s First Law of Human Rights: When there are ENOUGH of you, the Law will tilt in your favour. Those who, not so long ago, were unjustly victimised by those in power, French Peasants, Feminists, Homosexuals, Lesbians, Trans-sexual Boxers et alia have earned their way into respectability and acceptability, and thus into the power houses of society. Shining examples of this are:
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THE FRENCH REVOLUTION No need to bow down to the Bourbon Aristocracy, when you can cut off their heads instead.
FEMINISM No need to chain yourself to the railings in Downing Street, when you can push Edward Heath out of Number Ten, fight each other in the Boxing Ring, play football at the Emirates and take the place of a man in the Registry Office.
When there are enough of you, the Law will tilt in your favour. 27
HOMOSEXUALITY No need to submit to the indignity of having your bottom examined if Edwardian police catch you
sharing a room with another man in a railway hotel. Now you can (legally) over-rule a Christian baker’s conscience and make him decorate your wedding cake with a pro-gay marriage campaign slogan. Finally, this ever-increasing process of social emancipation has come to accommodate even those Lunaticks who were tortured and vilified.
Their hour has come!! 28
When there are enough of you, the Law WILL tilt in your favour.
This Law is itself a fine tuning and up-to-date version of Darwin’s crude Survival of the FITTEST. It gels with modern western civilisation and is best expressed as:
Survival of the Mostest. NOW, since the ratio of lunaticks to sane has risen so dramatically, lunaticks have already been able to occupy many of the power-house positions in our society: These are, in order of importance: Newspaper Proprietors, Premier League Footballers, Bankers, Scottish MPs, Presidents of the United States, Cloth Cap Colonels of UNITE and those debunkers of religion Quantum Physicists‌.
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“I made one great mistake in my life... when I signed the letter to President Roosevelt recommending that atom bombs be made.�
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Lunaticks are also in demand in the NHS to train on-site psychiatrists for Hospital Waiting Rooms.
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HISTORICAL EXAMPLE OF THE MONEY IN LUNACY
St Luke's Hospital for Lunatics, London 1786 The building contained single cells for 300 middle class patients. Each cell had a small window set high in the wall, no heating and loose straw on a wooden bedstead. Treatment was cold plunge baths, anti-spasmodics, emetics and purgatives. The Proportion of cures was 67- 70%. The building was acquired by the Bank of England in 1916. All the patients were moved out and it was used for printing bank notes until the early 1950s.
£££££££££££££££££££££££££££ 32
WARNING Lunaticks should not procrastinate, advises Gnome. If the RATIO of lunatics to sane comes to exceed 60%, the top jobs will become scarcer and Lunaticks may have to accept jobs that, normally, a Lunatick wouldn’t touch with his Stanley knife.
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