By Joe Boomer Layout by Abby Ringiewicz
I
’ve had them before, but never like this. Back in 2009, a couple of hours before I was due to report to St. Luke’s Hospital in New Bedford, MA, for my clinical orientation, I endured the worst panic attack I have ever had. I was both mentally and physically fatigued, having suffered another episode of insomnia the night before, when the thought of having to go to the orientation in a few hours struck me with a violent explosion. I felt lightheaded as my heart rapidly thumped in my chest. I remember wondering if I was having a heart attack, but I quickly dismissed it. I told myself that it was just nerves and I needed to relax. I didn’t know why I was so anxious. I’d been through plenty of orientations before. I’d survived Paris Island, and served four years of active duty in a Marine Corp infantry unit. This should be nothing. Then a dark voice spoke to me from somewhere deep in my subconscious. It told me that I did not have to feel like this, and I knew what to do to end it – permanently. The thought scared me. I’ve had thoughts of suicide before (who hasn’t while growing up?) but this one was different. It ceased to be a thought, and became a feasible option. I never made it to that orientation. What I did do was seek professional help. I was able to understand what was happening to me and how I could overcome it. It was at one of my therapy sessions that I was first introduced to the idea that my thoughts and panic attacks could be related to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
According to the Department of Veteran Affairs National Center for PTSD, common symptoms include nightmares, insomnia, anxiety, flashbacks, depression, and behavior changes like excessive alcohol and drug use, aggressiveness, and aversion to certain people and situations. In other words, there is a wide range of symptoms that a veteran can experience, and because of this variety, it is difficult for the soldier to identify their symptoms as signs of PTSD. In June, 2011, the Department of Veteran Affairs reported that “20 percent of veterans returning from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are diagnosed with PTSD.” Shockingly, there is a large portion of these veterans that do not seek medical help for their condition. Dr. Charles W. Hoge, a PTSD specialist at the Walter Reed Army Institute of Research, explains that identification of PTSD symptoms and ensuring that service members seek immediate treatment is the key to successful healing. The problem, as Hoge describes, is that “only 38 percent to 40 percent of those who indicated mental health disorders were interested in getting help.” Keith F., an Army Reservist in the Combat Stress Control Unit, just returned from his second tour in Afghanistan back in September. He explains to me the reservations some soldiers have about admitting their need to seek help. “They tell you that nothing will be held against you, and that it will not affect you professionally, but that’s not true.” Photo by Christopher Alves
14
Spring 2012
Dart