30
Diversions
Ultra Vires
The class of 2011: selling out since September 2008 By Will Morrison (3L)
Over the past year I’ve had the pleasure of sitting as a student member on the Faculty’s Admissions Committee. The job entails poring over the applications of hundreds of excellent candidates, to ultimately pick out only a select few who will receive offers of admission. It is a difficult process, and one which (contrary to everything that follows here) we did not take lightly. But as the end of my own time at this school lazily, drunkenly ambles ever nearer, I’ve wondered what happens to all those bold proclamations, lofty ambitions and altruistic dreams after the O-Week tents come down and the lunches start to come back up over the ensuing three years of exams and job interviews. So I asked some of my fellow 3L classmates if I could look over the personal statements they submitted way back when they applied, and - using real excerpts from those statements - have prepared a little match game for you to judge for yourself how some of our most esteemed students’ paths have developed.
THE STATEMENTS:
THE STUDENTS:
(1) “I would like to learn how to use legal tools to ameliorate the living conditions of oppressed populations.”
(a) This student, who has never applied for any job related to international law, is articling in a government office which practices Canadian constitutional law exclusively
(3) “A law degree provides me with the assurance that I can assist individuals in commercial and international matters, and in effect help represent them justly in a foreign setting.” (4) “Working in international law is the obvious and only possible career choice.” (5) “My ambitions shifted and instead of becoming a criminal attorney, I pictured myself working for an NGO as the tireless crusader improving the quality of life for those in need.” (6) “The language and oratory skills I have acquired in both my academic and professional experiences will allow me to articulate insightful contributions.” (7) “I believe that I am a much better … candidate for law school than an applicant who merely demonstrates ability in the classroom, and I hope you agree.” (8) “Perhaps, at the very least, it will allow me to escape the dusty, top floor office that I once longed for.” (9) “The degree itself … could potentially open doors to many fields never initially considered as possible career choices. … Personally, I have a keen interest in environmental law (particularly globally) as well as international human rights.” (10) “A study by Johns Hopkins University found that of more than a hundred occupations, lawyers had the highest rate of depression. Other studies have found that in comparison to the general population, attorneys have substantially higher rates of stress, alcoholism, substance abuse, divorce and suicide. I know many lawyers, young and old, and have had the misfortune of seeing some of these trends manifested at a very personal level. When surveyed recently by the American Bar Association, forty-four percent of lawyers said they would not recommend the profession to a young person.”
Upper Year Tips - from page 26 Convenient rationalization: By not spending so much energy maintaining society’s false beauty and health standards you’ll feel lower-stress, and have more time to study and focus since you won’t be at the gym so often. An A average is sure to follow. The wheezing truth: Through constant indulgence you can turn your fit young body into a shameful, prematurely-aged wreck. Your self-esteem might falter, but your grades certainly will. By becoming a squishy hedonist you are really just reflecting the sordid truth at the center of your empty lawyer being. Embrace it!
6 – Start a drug habit. Begin abusing antidepressants and sleep medication. Also, it’s never too early to start banging 7 gram rocks, but it may be too late to make Charlie Sheen jokes.
Convenient rationalization: I need the Dexedrine because of my narcolepsy, and I need the Rhovane because of my insomnia. The awful truth: You will probably do pretty well if you take the abovementioned mix. It should allow you to take up all of the above habits and still get some As. The candle that burns twice as bright burns twice as long, right? [Ed: Please don’t take up #6.]
(b) This student can currently be found at all hours of the day in a dusty, dishevelled office on the top floor of the law library (c) This student bravely chose the mystery option behind Door #3, and discovered that it was full-service corporate commercial practice at a Bay Street firm (d) This student is articling at Blakes (e) This student did not take a single course in business law or international law in his three years at law school (f) This student began her split summer at a Bay Street firm in Toronto before her ambitions shifted to New York City, where she worked for “Wall Street’s most powerful law firm” (Forbes Magazine) (g) This student is articling at Oslers (h) This student has been so determined to prove his out-of-the-classroom abilities that he has, when not simply regularly skipping classes, taken time out during law school terms to travel to Poland (twice), BC (twice), Colombia, Morocco, Paris, and Dublin, each trip for at least one week (i) This student took precisely one environmental law course in his entire time at law school (though, in fairness to him, it was the only one offered this year) (j) This student once based his whole UV Point/Counterpoint argument on the characterization of his debate opponent as a “degenerate scumbag” Answer Key: 1 – g; 2 – i; 3 – e; 4 – a; 5 – f; 6 – j; 7 – h; 8 – b; 9 – c; 10 – d
(2) “The environment is an area which I am academically and emotionally invested in, and the University’s strong reputation in environmental law makes it an apt law school for me.”
Briefly Noted In historic election, racial diversity prevails as white guy finally elected as SLS president Dubber’s Twitter fetish goes too far after he assigns Admin paper with 140 character limit Votes for the Federal Election e-mailed to Mike Laskey after March 31, 2011 will NOT be counted Enchantment Under the Sea Dance a huge success; later that weekend, students emerge one hour in the future Bouncy castle becomes lightning rod for political controversy at SLS Prez forum Squirrel files Section 9 violation after being arbitrarily detained in Bora Laskin Law Library, asks for damages as per Ward. Correction: Mike Hamata has had a girlfriend throughout law school