To The Present

Family Reunion ‒ North Carolina Thank you Mark, Sara and Barbara!

TO THE PRESENT

It was roughly 1991 when Tom and I moved into our adult home in Purchase. What a great choice! We referred for many years to this house as “perfect,” and even though I now live here alone, it is perfect.

As you all know, the master bedroom is spacious and on the ground floor. With bad knees, that is a blessing. There are two adorable rooms upstairs for kids, their kids, our friends, etc., to spend overnights. We built a pool, an expensive toy, but more sensible than, say, a costly vacation which only lasts a week or so. This pool is forever and useful several months out of the year. While I fantasize that it has kept me in shape, the problem is: what shape?

As of now, this is still home after 30 years. My intent is to remain here as long as I can, with possible intermittent rentals of apartments in New York City. And I’ve put a down payment on a home in a retirement community on

Evan Marc Doug Clifford

home in a retirement community on the SUNY campus, although I have considerable doubt about moving anywhere.

Now for some key points of our lives as empty nesters. Starting with Tom, he continued to thrive in his business. Yet, as the Chinese increasingly exported in volume inexpensive hosiery, the need for Gilbert Hose declined. Tom stubbornly persisted, and unfortunately turned down a substantial sum offered to buy his business. As sales increasingly suffered, he struggled to revive his past success, yet became personally discouraged and increasingly introverted with the tide of events. On top of that, his health declined due to a bad back as well as a blood disease (MDS), the same that killed Susan’s beloved husband, Michael Brecker. He was an amazingly good sport about giving up golf, his lifelong passion, but was beset with too many unbearable personal losses, including the deaths of his two sons. He died on September 9, 2017 in our bedroom just as I was spooning him cough syrup. As he was finally able to swallow a good gulp, I said “You are great, you did it!” he slumped back and stopped breathing. I was as prepared as anyone could be – extremely sad, relieved and yet truly sympathetic for his personal suffering and final demise. Fortunately, Hospice came immediately as did Billy and Natalie, who were indispensable in aiding me with final arrangements.

A great gift, and unbeknownst to me, Billy removed the contents of Tom’s office in Harrison after thoroughly examining the contents of each folder which he brought to our house. He did a yeoman’s job, and I am 100% grateful to him. As soon as Tom died, all my children came in, and I was surrounded by comfort, love and companionship.

My friends also continue to be my extended family – as well as my wonderful cousin Susan who calls me almost daily to check in – despite her busy schedule. She helps me in so many ways, like technological difficulties, cooking ideas, getting rid of my household clutter ‒ name it, she is there. Thank you, wonderful Suze. Furthermore, hats off to this single woman who has made a full, satisfying life after tragically losing her husband at a young age. She has raised millions of dollars for cancer research, conceived and directed a fantastic gala at Jazz at Lincoln Center, produced an awardwinning documentary called More to Live For, was instrumental in saving close to a hundred lives through vastly increased testing for cell matches, and originated and directed an international saxophone contest at the Red Sea. Her two children, Jess and Sam, are sources of great pride. Jess is a social worker, and Sam is a police officer. Hats off, Susan. Her younger brother Roger has a successful career in finance and a beautiful family consisting of his warm wife Val and three lovely children.

As for me, I started working over 30 years ago. I derived enormous satisfaction from each position – and while I never developed a full-blown career, my work experiences preoccupied me completely and I loved it. After graduating from a Master’s Program at Columbia Teachers College, I joined the Daycare Council of Westchester as the Coordinator of a state funded research project to assess the needs and programs for daycare in Westchester. That position was succeeded by a job at the Mental Health Association where I was the liaison between its board and the New York State legislature concerning mental health legislation. Then, at the same job, I ran galas two years in a row ‒ an exhausting but highly gratifying position in which an unprecedented amount of money was raised.

Following, I took an intensive course in grant writing in New York City and moved in with Tom’s mother on Park Avenue for a week. She was a pleasure to be with and I took her for her favorite dinner, calves liver with red wine and onions. The grant writing course was more valuable than any course I had taken in college. It landed me a wonderful job as assistant and then Director of Public/Community Relations at Westchester Jewish Community Services. I honed my skills by writing volumes of grant applications, press releases, articles for newspapers, annual reports, radio announcements, and hosting a TV show on mental health issues. I hired an excellent assistant, then another, and we enhanced the reputation and fundraising capabilities of the organization. Additionally, I developed close ties with a number of staff and mourned two in particular when they died years later.

I left that position 27 years ago ‒ but not until I had landed a job as tour guide at the American Museum of Natural History, which required six grueling months of daily study as well as several tests. This move may well top any activity I ever undertook. How lucky could anyone be! I have been in the most interesting place, exposed to the most interesting scientific fields, among the most interesting people and met well over a thousand people from all over the world. I guided Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, the Prime Minister of Jordan, President of Nigeria, Ambassador from Egypt and well-known authors. But the most rewarding guests were myriad foreigners, outnumbering Americans, who got turned on by the sheer variety of artifacts

and specimens throughout this fascinating building. As four new exhibits open annually, we continue to learn and share information – on a wide variety of topics including Einstein, The Human Brain, Diamonds, Microbiome, DNA, Climate Change, Biodiversity, Indian Jewelry, Pearls, the DaVinci Codex ‒ to mention a sampling of approximately 100 temporary exhibits which we learned.

In 2001, I travelled with the Museum for almost four weeks to Saudi Arabia. We got special permission to go at a time when tourism was forbidden to most people. I have included a news article I wrote (see Appendix) about this forbidden, mysterious land. A few years prior to this trip, I had travelled with the Museum to the Persian Gulf countries – Kuwait, Yemen, Qatar, Abu Dhabi. Again, we were privy to lands generally unknown to Westerners except for government personnel. Everything was strange, an adventure, and we were so lucky to have this opportunity.

Tom and I took exciting trips – New Zealand, Antarctica, South America, Indonesia, South Pacific Isles, Norwegian fiords, Western Europe, and others – the most memorable were our family travels. What comes to mind is Lake Louise and Banff where the water was possibly an icy 50°. As we approached a particularly scenic spot, we parked our car, piled out and surveyed Canada’s beauty. Suddenly, one of us dared anyone to jump in, and that catapulted into a succession of like-minded nuts among us to do just that. We peeled off our outer clothes, and one by one, jumped into freezing water while avoiding jutting rocks ‒ everyone hysterical with laughter.

Our most unearthly voyage took place in Antarctica where our ship docked daily. We explored islands completely uninhabited, save colonies of seals and penguins. On one of these islands, mounds of tussock grass barred our vision so that our group splintered into numerous lost, scattered passengers. I was completely alone, but fortunately I bumped into Tom on a beach studded with slippery volcanic rocks. We were LOST. But way in the distance we saw red jacketed people lined up to make their way to our ship. By that time we were exhausted and speaking for myself, I was flat on my back and physically unable to trek one inch. Tom was my hero. He dragged me by the back of my jacket hood a good twenty minutes to the zodiacs, the small boats which ferried us to the ship. We were the very last people to return – and scared we were, suspecting that the less than efficient staff of the ship would likely not miss us for a scary hour? A day? Or more? That was a monstrous thought....

Our family foray to Costa Rica was among the most popular vacations. We hiked perilous paths overlooking the Pacific, Sam fell often with legs splayed 180 degrees, we swam in the Pacific while Billy dragged me through the shallow waters, we luxuriated in natural springs, we ziplined, everybody but me roped up and down cliffs, Marc carried me across a perilous stream to the foot of an amazing waterfall, I found mice in the bathroom while suffering from an excess of fruit and could not get off the pot, a tarantula occupied my sneaker and Melanie found spiders and other

With Penguins

wildlife in her clothes. Our final stop was Wendy’s friend’s animal rehabilitation site where monkeys jumped onto our shoulders while we were approaching in a little boat, AND I got bitten by a monkey whom I had offended by stepping between her and her niece. We remember “Lallo” who escorted us into his “house” and fed us baked beans and rice, then led us on a trek through the jungle while he chopped down branches with his machete, all the while warning us to look out for wild animals, but “it is worth it, wait till you see the waterfall.” Marc carried me across rows of slippery rocks to view this steep waterfall while the crazy kids climbed to the top, blithefully ignoring my pleas to NOT DO THAT.

Easter Island was utterly wonderful. Jason ran ahead as we crisscrossed large swaths of beautiful grass to see the moais. And he made

an audible impression atop a mountain so that our guide, Hugo, will never forget us. The Atacama Desert was lunar, a perfect place for star gazing, amazing for hiking, early morning hot springs, (and a unique, sophisticated hotel made of brown lava). I even saw Saturn with my bare eyes glued to a telescope. The sky was filled completely with stars, it was enchanting.

A trip to Washington to see Madeleine while she was at Georgetown Law School was unforgettable (see Appendix). Dashing with suitcases through New York’s subway stations, Natalie, Richard, Michael and I nearly missed our train to D.C. – which we jumped on as it was literally leaving. We loved our stay at the historic Willard Hotel, and wonderful Natalie brought me bagels each morning. Richard, my roommate, will not let me forget that the ice for my aching knees flooded his bed. Michael and I had a special tour of the White House since I had jumped the long line in a freezing blizzard by requesting a wheelchair. I grabbed Michael and we saw sights unavailable to regular tourists – like the kitchen and the part of the White House which had burned long ago. Costa Rica

Another wonderful spot – Bora Bora, where we found that doing nothing beat doing anything. Our wooden hut lay over the water, and Melanie

and Madeleine jumped off our dock and joined the fish underneath – which we could view through our glass floor.

Other than the fact that I had diarrhea and slept in a “bed” diagonally attached to the wall, I had a lovely time and learned how to sleep suspended along a 45° angle.

On the subject of trips, some of the most unforgettable were taken with my cousin Paul. These included Rome where we spent five beauteous days of shopping, eating pasta and basking in the ancient culture and beauty of this unique city. Additionally, we took a theatre trip to London, as well as a week in Dubai. There, Paul arranged a three-bedroom suite for us in the Luxury Collection Grosvenor House hotel where we ate breakfast every day outside on the hotel balcony overlooking this fairy-tale city and the Persian Gulf. Highlights included a desert adventure, the Al Ahara Restaurant new Louvre and Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque in Abu Dhabi, swimming in the warm waters of the Persian Gulf, six hours of shopping in “Saga” (a magnificent store ‒ renovated palace ‒ during which Paul fell asleep three times while I shopped), and dining at the Burj Al Arab, ‒ one night at Al Iwan, an opulent Arabic restaurant, and another at Nathan Outlaw’s famous Al Ahara restaurant, where the dining room is completely surrounded (walls and ceiling) by a huge Al Iwan Restaurant aquarium. Additionally, since Paul lives in Thailand, I spent a colorful day with him while on a trip to the Orient. He hired a driver and guide who took us to a three-headed elephant museum, Jim Thompson’s charming house, and a hotel where he spends numerous weekends in a luxurious suite.

Paul visits me frequently in Purchase and we keep in touch often, despite the distance. He is one of my favorite and best cousins-friends-substitute brothers – he is always there for me, we confide in each other and I am truly grateful. He even orders appliances online for me and arranges discounted plane tickets! Please see the Appendix for more on Paul, a person to whom I owe unlimited gratitude, love and respect. Further, he was indispensable in helping to compile this book which, thanks to him, looks professional. We hope!

Wat Traimit Temple of the Golden Buddha

In the Arabian Desert

So here I am at the end of 2020. I have omitted more than I care to admit and in so doing, realize how full my life has been. A temporary interruption was a bout of pancreatic cancer in 2013 which I thankfully beat, but it necessitated draconian surgery and six months of chemotherapy. Despite the odds, I never feared the worst and undoubtedly went into delicious denial. I simply surrendered to the whole ordeal. Besides, I had a bevy of friends and family who thankfully never left me alone. And I sported a stunning wig!