The Worst Mistake

by Giulia Martinez-Brenner

TW: sexual misconduct

Can sexual misconduct be a mistake?

The general consensus on campus seems to be "no". And if your answer in any way strays from this two letter word, it is deemed absolutely unacceptable. However, it is fear of controversy that paralyzes constructive conversation, especially on issues that we all agree on. I am not a victim blamer, nor a rape apologist, and nor am I personally unfamiliar with experiences of sexual assault. It is precisely the combination of all these things that brings this topic so near to my heart, and why I am so wary of sweeping,

But actually, I believe my answer is yes, it can be. Not always, but it can be. Some situations do fall into the black and white areas of humanity’s moral compass, but they cannot all be so easily judged. To do justice to such an important issue means to also do the intellectual and emotional labor of going deeper and deeper into every aspect of the subject.

Sexual misconduct is used to describe a wide range of behaviours, from inappropriate touching or comments, to sexual coercion and rape. It does not matter the degree or supposed severity, sexual misconduct is always unconsensual, unwanted, and undoubtedly condemnable. Yet, when we begin to speak of a “mistake” and say it can “never be” one, we are also silently accepting certain implicit assumptions and conclusions that must be unpacked.

Mistakes are misguided acts that only make sense in the realm of individual intent. If something “can never be” a mistake, the sole root of that action must be grounded in a person’s deliberate objective. I am not denying the blatant fact that perpetrators, just like everyone, do have agency and must be held responsible, but accountability is not always the same as intentionality.

By shifting the emphasis to the individual perpetrator, one’s gaze moves away from the highly cultural, highly pervasive, struc tural conditions from which the very prob lem materializes. Seeing sexual misconduct independent of everything else, narrows our of rape culture. Again, this is not to say that perpetrators should not be held accountable for their actions, on the contrary. We are all embedded in history and society, that does not make us mere predetermined machines. However, when we frame the issue of sexual misconduct as always and only the consequence of individual desire and intent, I believe we dangerously reduce the matter, and diminish the scope of the problem.

"Sexual misconduct must be taken

Besides this slightly more abstract preamble, there is also another question that must be addressed. Regardless of whether you regardless of whether it is “correct” or not to understand sexual misconduct as always deliberate or also the product of something do? Is it helpful?

The sad fact is that most people, both perpetrators and victims, are not on the same page with what is recognized as misconduct or not.

shown how across genders, across cultures, across generations, what people believe to and rape, is greatly varied. Perpetrators genuinely may not recognize certain actions as being incredibly problematic. There are some types of misconduct that are not open to debate, where it is impossible that the perpetrator was not aware of the harm they does that mean that the issue is never ambiguous? Or in other words, if someone is blinded to the fact that what they are doing is wrong, can we truly grant them full intentionality over the outcomes of their actions by saying it “was not a mistake”?

The core element to be understood here is that sexual misconduct is

Some acts are ambiguous. Rape can be about power, purposeful domination, and humiliation, but we also cannot deny that there are forms of misconduct that are the result of distorted perceptions, miscommunications, and toxic cultural norms. What can be perceived an acceptable sexual advance can also be experienced as incredibly inappropriate and undesirable. The intent does not have to be to harm. If an advance is spethen repeated anyway, there is no denying malicious intent, yet what if it is made from “innocent” ignorance?

From a punitive perspective, I am sure many will feel this matters less: if you hurt someone, you should somehow be punished, it does not matter whether you meant it or not. But from an academic perspective, what are we saying when we uncritically align accountability with intentionality?

If misconduct is “never a mistake” then we accept that perpetrators are always acting intentionally and there is no space for change. I do not want to accept this.

Everyone is responsible for their own deeds, and the fact that I even must think about all this is infuriating, depressing, and unfair, but this is a complex topic, and you must accept the discomfort if it means getting closer to understanding.

Sexual misconduct must be taken seriously,biguity into our convictions, and it is a burden to constantly have to teach and learn are implicated. But what else is there to do? There are actions with intentions, and there actions that stem from ignorance, from miscommunication, from cultural preconceptions and pressures. I may never stop blaming someone for hurting another. I can blame them for the action in itself, and I could even blame them for not knowing enough and for being unaware, but that is change, but if there are no mistakes, there is no hope to learn from them.