Reality Bit

by Stanley Ward

Perhaps it’s escapism for an earlier time, or just faux nostalgia induced by my required reading list featuring David Foster Wallace, Chris Kraus, Ethan Hawke smoking cigarettes, and also the segue into the main body of this article. Reality Bites opens with a typical generation X graduation speech from charismatic valedictorian Lelaina (played by Ryder) roasting the 80-hour work week and their parent’s obsessions with BMWs and sports sneakers. Very 90s zeitgeist of solipsistic bohemians not getting jobs, being surprised about this fact, and in true 90s fashion, But this trope of graduates realising a degree isn’t necessarily the golden ticket to success is a bit overplayed.

"Covid has taught us that best laid plans often go awry, and the security we know is fragile and should be enjoyed and relished rather than ironicised"

It feels like our generation expects the inverse; everyone knows a degree does not lead you not that naïve. And we’re more realistic – with many of us shouldering considerable amounts of student debt, and (for anyone making the jump to Amsterdam, or any other major city) ridiculous amounts of rent, it feels like most of us would be happy enough with somewhere to live, and a way to get paid. If anything, Covid has taught us that best laid plans often go awry, and the security we know is fragile and should be enjoyed and relished rather than ironicised. With Reality Bites’ gen Xers now the people who our graduating classes’ valedictorian speech will dismiss the middle-class creature comforts in the same way. It’s always dangerous to try and paint a picture of a generation, as such a reduc behind the conceit there may be a kind of truth: the class of 2021 is pretty realistic, and no-one is gonna be able to pull a fast one on us.

Irony feels like a hallmark of the decade of Seinfeld, and I think it’s fair to say that whilst we can still see Ethan Hawke as a smouldering and grungy antihero, we’re much less ironic. As pointed out by John Baskin in the New Yorker, our generation is being shaped by completely unironic momentous social movements. He uses the recent Black Lives Matter protests as an example, but you could also include environmental movements such as Extinction Rebellion as examples of unironic and sincere cultural movements that focus on the collective, rather than the more self-conscious and introspective David Foster Wallaces of the 90s and Charlie stories about what it means to be a person, these stories often tend to be about what it means to be a white man. Whilst as a white man, this is perfect and relatable, it might be for the best to have a less solipsistic cultural landscape.

"Our generation is being shaped by completely unironic momentous social movements"

So where does this leave us? We exist with the paradox of high hopes for social justice whilst being (hopefully) educated enough to know that achieving such justice is going to be an uphill struggle. Some of us believe we can change the world, but don’t believe we’ll ever own our homes – if that’s even something that’s important anymore. So where do we sit as the generation with high hopes and low expectations? To quote the end of Winona’s valedictorian speech, I don’t know.

Simonabike: Life on Two Wheels

by Simon Alvarez Belon

The end of my UCU career is slowly creeping into view and so, my goal of having written for the Boomerang before graduating brings me before my keyboard in a last-minute attempt at having some material evidence that I was a contributing member of the UCU community. For all a moment to rejoice on the last three years on this beautiful campus. This often prompts reminiscent speeches about the experiences we have all shared (which to be frank, given the broad composition of our student body don’t go beyond James Kennedy’s introweek speeches where he talk of late-night voltaire sessions, disastrous bar nights, and arduous crossings of the pebbled quad, these speeches forget to mention a key - yet unappreciated - element that has shaped all of our lives in our time at UCU: Utrecht’s bike lanes. *cue eye-rolls from my friends*

Look, I know that coming from someone whose only personality trait besides having facial hair is liking bikes, this seems redundant. Nonetheless, I genuinely think that the experience of being on a bike is one that connects all of us at UCU*. Think about it, from day 1 of intro-week, having a bike proved essential if you were to truly make the most of our wonderful city! And so, I’m sure that throughout the past three years there are some things we have all experienced whilst on two wheels. Hopefully, reminiscing on these times brings some appreciation to the privilege it is to have such a wonderful city to cycle in.

Let’s start at the beginning. What better way to be initiated to Utrecht’s bustling cycling ecosystem than the exhilaration of navigating your way back to campus with your introweek sibling on the back of your bike after the pub-crawl? I mean who hasn’t experienced the elated, almost out-of-body experience of hopping on your rusty and faithful old Gazelle after a few-too-many beers to enjoy sweeping through the streets at speeds unim the alcohol on your lower limbs. Or the utter in their true element: biking, whilst carrying a crate of beer, with an umbrella in one hand, and the hand of their ’schatje’ in the other?! We can’t forget the often unappreciated comfort of knowing you can hop on your bike for a last minute run to Culture Boat or Gall en Gall on a Thursday night, or the revitalizing joy of bathing in the last golden sun rays as you bike back from the Krommerijn after enjoying a day of bathing in the bacteria-infested waters.

Of course, it’s not always fun and games. We’ve all gotten soaked to the bone on a dreadful Jumbo run in search for some garlic bread, or had a puncture on your way to an important meeting. Most of us will have probably gone mad desperately looking for our bike in Utrecht Central’s massive parking space and some will have probably gotten their ride stolen once or twice (only to replace it for a 10$ bike purchased by some sketchy dude on Voorstraat, thereby participating in the circular market of stolen bikes).. But nonetheless, we cycle on: because it’s fun, convenient, and free.

Some of us might have been determined enough fully embraced the Dutch spirit and learned how to bike while simultaneously carrying another by your side. Some of us might still look like tourists awkwardly navigating Utrecht’s city center on top of a saddle, but no matter how good you’ve gotten at riding your steed, Utrecht’s state-ofthe-art bicycle infrastructure has had your back and allowed you to carelessly roam the streets. What this all goes to show how much the space we live in matters in how it can liberate us by making possibilities available, or alternatively how it can constrict us by closing certain doors. "Utrecht’s state-of-the-art bicycle infrastructure has had your back and allowed you to carelessly roam the streets"

To me, an urban planning nerd who has never had the chance to live in such a well-designed city, during these last three years I have been in constant awe of the lengths to which the City’s government goes to make Utrecht a more human-centered city, allowing it to pride itself for being at the forefront of urban planning. I corners of the world, some of us will carry with us an appreciation for the transformative potential of well-designed public space. You can be sure that whichever place I end up in, I’ll be reminiscing about Utrecht’s bike lanes.

*I do want to acknowledge that cycling can be inaccessible to those with mobility impairments, and that it would be able-ist and ignorant to assume that Utrecht’s bike lanes serve everyone equally. However, safe cycling infrastructure and hopefully everyone reading this has had a chance to ride in some way or another down Utrecht’s red pavement.

Kromhout Kazerne Ground Invasion

by Stanley Ward

Friends, Students, countrymen, lend me your ears. Your faithful correspondent recently visited our next-door neighbors at the military base on a reconnaissance mission for potential territorial expansion. As many of us know, our own campus is to be sold in 2025, and so a replacement is needed. As the Kromhout Kazerne is next door, it would be a convenient location, and the existing security measures theft at UCU. In this mission report, I’ll outline potential tactics for acquiring the base.

Upon arriving at the base, myself and my second in command Arnoud Roelfsema were greeted by Air Force Luitenant Kolonel Robbert may be hostile to the imminent UCU takeover of the base, but his incredibly friendly manner lent us to believe he could be a very useful ally. him, who is also currently working in administration, he could be the perfect replacement of our current housemaster – think the John Wick version of our own Marteen Diedrix.

We began our mission by handing in our passports at the reception to verify our identities, after which we received access passes and began reconnaissance. It was unusual to see my own balcony from inside the base, but the novelty didn’t distract me from the valuable intel Robbert was providing us with. It turns out that the military activity is more than just guns and bombs –joint support command is housed in building K2 of the barracks, which is responsible for (among many other things) healthcare for veteran and civilian employees. The military has its own healthcare system, including doctors, dentists, psychologists, and psychiatrists. The latter of which Robbert tells us are extremely important, especially for veterans who can encounter problems with what they’ve seen or done as part of the job.

There is something unusual about seeing inside the administration of a military base – we could have been inside any (rather nice) seemed normal, every so often I was reminded that the very existence of this place is inherently complicated. When walking in front of sits in the barrack’s green leafy space. Designed by an Israeli artist, bronze bullets are attached is not lost on your correspondent, the information booklet for the most recent open monument day tells us that the sculpture is representative of the cycle of war and peace. Like the sculpture, the existence and the activities of our neighbors work in peacetime, but have to be constantly preparing in case (using Robbert’s own words) the shit hits the fan. Whilst at UC, we spend our days proposing academic theoretical solutions and international policy, we are right next door to the mechanism by which some of these things are actually done. As aesthetically pleasing as the statue’s arcs are from a distance, the bullets remind us that at the end of the day, past all the administration and support, the military exists kill. The need for mental health support shows us that in this process, soldiers see things that are unimaginable to most of us, and any students of history can tell you that military action often has grave human costs.

we gathered a substantial amount of information, we are limited by space) it is time to talk tactics. On the roof of the old bombproof guardhouse, we discussed military spending cuts – whilst the UN recommends that around 2% of GDP should be allocated to defense, the Netherlands currently only allocates around 1.4%. Whilst this is a source of anxiety for Robbert and other military personal, with Robbert telling us that “we have boats in the water, and boats in the air, but can we do a good job if the shit hits the fan? I don’t think so” for UCU, this could D66 propositions for the military to do more work with other countries in the EU and have more military integration, a strategy began to form. If we turn UCU into a formidable political machine, and unite rather than divide, with our collective rhetorical skills and knowledge the Dutch parliament with Groenlinks, Bij1, and D66 representatives. Then we can drastically reduce military spending to such an extent that we can acquire the Kromhout Kazerne at a budget price and get a shiny new campus. The much like UCU, it also has facilities to house and feed employees, so I assume the transition will be seamless. This is the kind of blue sky thinking that’s been lacking at the UU (but the imminent academic coup d’état of our University overlords is a topic for another report – but they will not get away with selling the city centre library).

Another potential strategy is also very in-line with UCU thinking. I say it’s time to use environmentalism as a weapon. Apparently UCU is becoming a Zoöp or something (I haven’t noticed apply these hippy ideals to get something done. When inside the old bombproof guardhouse, we learned that whilst the building is resistant to the best weapons of the 1845 arms race, like the past year and a half, one bat can fuck the whole thing up. Whilst the beautiful and unique interior of the guardhouse was supposed to be available to hire for reception functions, a bat made its home there, and so due to environmental regulations, the guardhouse had to be left empty. Therefore, the amount of space we can claim is directly related to the amount of bats we can acquire and convince to live in various buildings in the Kromhout Kazerne. As a Zoöp (a place where we’re working with nature and exist within the bat-controlled compound. As we all know, environmentalism is at its best when we’re exploiting the situation.

I think that concludes our report, and now I’m back on UCU soil, I’ll be watching over the military base from my Kromhout balcony anticipating their next move.

The Boomerang would like to thank Luitenant Kolonel Robbert Dankers and Senior Communicatieadviseur Claudia van Hoek for setting up our meeting, and making time to talk to us and show us round their workplace.