to live out of a hotel until the kids graduate. But, when we take a long and truthful gaze at what these “I’ve got this” behaviors can do to our children, the result may be far from what we intended. By making life easier when they are small, we can, in turn, make it much more difficult as they grow. The outcomes from these patterns are harmful to the independence, integrity and self-confidence of future generations. These children can become the definition of “enabled” by carrying on assumptions of parents, spouses or others bearing the load of responsibilities that accompany everyday life. Eventually, they realize they need to take care of themselves; this can energize some, but crush many. There is a lot that can be said of the work ethic and family contributions that the colonials possessed. Even many of our grandparents talk about “working” when they were small children and having their daily tasks. So, what happened? We hear it over and over again. The speed of life changed and today we are fortunate to have one or two nights at home together while the
Even when your children do not complete a task meeting your expectations, it is so important to acknowledge their efforts and give them praise. Your children will be proud of their work and the grumbling will be replaced with “look what I did!” A great way to approach this shift in dynamic is to sit down and have a family meeting. Start with praise for everyone and what they do well, voice concerns, and then supply a solution. Write out a contract of each person’s responsibilities, possible compensations, privileges and consequences. This way everyone is on the same page and no one can use the “I didn’t know!” excuse. Compensations are different for every family, but find a place you are comfortable and maybe even throw in extra duties they can do to earn more. The consequences need to outweigh the privileges, as privilege can be earned, but no one can sit idly by and still have a full, productive and contributing life. It is possible by weeks end to owe instead of receive, and this is a life lesson best taught early.
“By making life easier when they are small, we can, in turn, make it much more difficult as they grow. The outcomes from these patterns are harmful to the independence, integrity and self-confidence of our future generations.” rest are plastered with meets, games, playgroups, meetings, gatherings and more. With the precious time we do have, wouldn’t it be nice to have everyone contribute to the work at hand? When dinner is over, there is one person to clear the table, one to do dishes, one to sweep the floor, one to feed the animals and whatever else needs done in your home. Fellowship and bonding time can flow through this interval, as everyone is taking care of each other and the house. Even the smallest child can do the smallest of tasks starting at age 1 or 2. They want to be included, too, so make them a part.
When we do not teach our children about responsibility, respecting people, things, time and that there are consequences for poor choices… who will? Below is a sample chore list to help get you started. Please take into account that
Suddenly, the “chores” are a lot less dreadful and a lot more bearable. Everything is done faster to make room for family activities or just getting the kids to bed on time for once. After routine is established, the stress and weight of those burdens begins to lift and is replaced with joy that your children are learning and contributing. 68
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