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ve! o l s i d e e n all you
“Divorce with multiples. Has a couple who has divorced ever split custody of the kids? Do they tend to keep them together at all times? What have they found that works best for them? Am I going to be a great mom taking care of both children (doing the duty of two parents with one income by myself), or just a mediocre one? Most likely I will be an average one at best. If we need to split them up in order to be the best parents we can be, then I wanted to consider that." ~ mom seeking reassurance during divorce
The issue I have been asked to address coincidentally corresponds to a recent news story that has engendered passionate feelings and opinions. Married gay partners who fathered boy/girl infant twins with a surrogate who donated her eggs split up and moved with their biological offspring to opposite coasts. Their selfish intent to rob the twins of their connection seems unfathomable. Our reader’s inquiry also involves a divorce. However, contrary to these men’s selfish motives, this mother is deeply concerned about doing what are in the best interests of her five year old boy/girl twins. She wonders if separating the twins would be preferable in terms of parental and financial resources. She writes:
possibly working. She cares deeply about the well-being of her twins and would only consider separating them if she felt convinced that such an arrangement would be in their best interests. Her attitude of sacrifice, self-reflection, and empathy demonstrates what is sorely lacking in the two fathers’ decision to brush aside any qualms about separating their children because of their inability to work through their difficulties. Your maternal love is admirable
“Am I going to be a great mom taking care of both children doing the duty of two parents with one income by myself or just a mediocre one? If we need to split them up in order to be the best parents we can be, then I want to consider that.” She worries that she cannot be an adequate parent if she is a single mother who will be living on one income and 70
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and inspirational. Your relationship and connection to your children is far more important than money or material goods. If the divorce is amicable and you and your husband will not have difficulties working out visitations, I see no reason why you would need or want to separate your son and daughter at this point in their lives. Your five year olds require your consistent presence and love, especially during this crucial transition. The healthiest thing you can do is maintain a civil relationship with the twins’ father so that the children