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TRINITY NEWS | Tuesday 14 April
er. Sometimes people are trying to replicate what they see, even down to physical acts that they would see. Do you feel like because the intimacy and love is taken out of porn, that it reinforces the idea that sex is about an end goal? Certainly. It really focuses on the end goal, rather than the time the two people have spent together or the enjoyment that they’re getting out of sex. Also, young girls are often trying to look and act like the girls they see in porn - being porn ready - with shaved pubic hair and all of that.
with getting an erection? The main issue behind it is anxiety - sometimes it’s nerves - but performance anxiety. Expectations can worry someone; they’re worried that the girl or their partner is expecting something and they might not be able to live up to it. Then they get caught up in their heads and becomes quite difficult. It’s quite common. Also there’s a lot of guys using a lot of porn and it’s having a negative effect on reality. Do you feel that social media has perpetrated the effects that are mirrored in porn? Yeah. When you think about it now, a fourteen year old boy can just go now online on smartphones and you can find anything. You get visual images and then that distorts what sex is. Because porn is not real in a lot of cases. If you talk to anyone who works in that industry or produces porn, it’s a lot of falseness; there’s false arms, false legs even put in to make a [sex] position that even the best yoga teacher couldn’t do. They inject into the groin area; they exaggerate things a little bit; they use photoshop for a lot of things and it looks like something is happening for way longer than it is. So you have people watching that and thinking that this is what real sex is. Porn is more visual, it’s about performance and ejaculation and there’s very little about the intimacy between two people; there’s no detail about love or affection or how much they care for each oth-
How do you think women can break stigma and shame around female masturbation? There’s a lot of shame around female masturbation but having open conversations around it can help. Both males and females masturbate and it’s a natural part of life and sexual development. I think the more conversation we have that it’s not something to be ashamed of or have negative views about. That has come down to a history around that masturbation is alright for guys but not for girls. There is quite a lot of church teaching, shame associations with sex and I would see that in a lot of the clients that I have that have negative or unhealthy views of sex. This can be associated with a strict upbringing; it could have been a strict Catholic upbringing. We also see it in other traditions. Muslims, for example, would have various sexual practices too. The message I want to get across is that everybody needs to have conversation; we need to talk as a society - in our friend groups, our families and the wider society - about sexual issues so we break down barriers. If someone is having difficulty then, that there’s no shame in that, it’s totally natural and to go seek advice and help. You don’t have to go to sexual therapy, but it is one option. How can we get the ball rolling in breaking down barriers and having these conversations? Articles like this are great because some students will pick up the article and think ‘oh I never knew people went and talked about this’. They might have an idea in their head that they have to work it out for themselves and struggle with it. Or if someone has a fear of sex or intimacy, they might just decide that’s just the way they are and they mightn’t get into relationships. When in reality, it would be such a pity because they’re missing out. But if they just went and sorted it out, it’s like any other problem. People think that their problems are unique and that they’re the only person facing the type of issues. Sometimes when they find out that they’re not the only person, it can be comforting. Do you think social media has changed the dating culture? For sure. It’s good in one sense, because people who are shy or new to dating can go on Tinder. It’s very
easy to spend a couple of hours online, looking at people and connecting with them. The downside to it is, someone can spend hours and hours online and swiping, and get lost in that. Because there is so much availability they can keep searching and they don’t always settle then. Not in the sense of being with one person, but this idea of matching but never meeting there’s a lot of frustration around that. You have a lot of people who spend a lot of time looking but who don’t actually go on real dates. When, in fact, this is where you learn your skills. When you date someone, you learn more about a person than you ever did: how they present themselves; how they treat you; how they act around you; whether you like them and are attracted to them. You just can’t get that online. You’ll have people who their sisters are answering online but when you meet the person, they can’t have a conversation. I do think social media creates a barrier On Trinder, this is what she had to say: You might try and make some sort of effort to make physical contact with them. If you like someone at college and you know they go for coffee somewhere at a certain time, you might just happen to be standing in the queue at the same time and strike up conversation and then you can work around that. There are lots of people who like others and never do anything about it. I suppose you can’t really just rock up out of the blue, and admit you like someone can you? If they’re going to an event you might rock up and start a conversation. Whether or not you come out full on and admit you like them and they reject you - that’s a bit awkward. You might find a way of letting them know that you like them with your body language and being interested in what they’re saying and strike up a bit of a rapport first. Then when somebody’s brave enough, yeah - just go for it. All they can say is no. Do you see a lot of clients concerned about what others external to the relationship think? I’m not saying people should care less about what others think, but they should focus on what they think, what their partner thinks really because we can get so caught up in what other people are thinking. It might prevent someone from dating because they have views that other people mightn’t agree with and you cannot live your life like that. There is more pressure for people to post about their relationship online. But if that’s not what you want to do then that’s okay; don’t feel that you have to. If you break up and you can see it all online then the person can’t heal or get over it themselves without everyone already knowing. Make sure you’re okay before you disclose it to other people.
Make or bake Baking is a sadly underrated date activity, writes Vanessa Nunan
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o you’ve met someone lovely, and you’ve been for coffee together, and maybe you’ve been to the Hugh Lane gallery together, or for a pint perhaps. But what next? The answer, to me, is obvious. It’s time to make bread. I make bread as frequently as time allows, and I find it to be in equal parts cathartic and rewarding. Although I certainly enjoy it as a solitary activity, I think it is also ideal to do as a date. The process alleviates much of the awkwardness that one can feel at the start of early dates, as you focus on the task at hand together, while also allowing for time to focus on one another during the resting and baking periods. How perfect! Bread-making is, of course, a time consuming affair, so it is perhaps wise to wait until the second or third date to commit to the business of kneading and proving. That being said, it provides a perfect excuse to hang out with someone out of the public sphere, and if there were ever to be a lull in conversation, bread-making itself provides a lot of conversation starters. This recipe given is one for tiger bread, because it is not your run-of-the-mill loaf, but still easy. To begin, you are going to stir all the flour, sugar, salt and yeast together in a bowl (the measurements are below). Your dough is going to grow, so make sure the bowl is large. After that, add the water, which has to be blood temperature, so as not to kill the yeast. If you can dip your finger in the water and not really feel anything, then you’ve nailed it. Add the water gradually until the dough starts to come together. No need to mix it too much. It will probably look a bit scraggly and dry, don’t worry. Next comes the kneading part, a crucial but very fun part in the bread making process! Tip the dough out onto a lightly floured surface and begin to knead the dough by stretching and folding it. Initially, the dough will be rather sticky, so you can add some more flour to your hands and to the surface, but try to avoid adding too much. Continue to knead the dough for ten minutes or so until the dough is soft and smooth and elastic. Working and stretching
the dough like this is what forms the gluten in the bread, allowing bubbles of air to grow. It is both satisfying and a bit tiring, and a process with some potential for sexual tension. So definitely share the burden with your date. Once you are happy and done with the dough (when it is beautifully smooth), oil the bowl you started with sparingly, and place the dough back in. Cover it with a damp tea towel and leave it to rest for an hour in a warm place – a perfect amount of time to go relax with your love interest. Once you return, it should have doubled in size, how exciting. It’s very satisfying to poke at this stage! Now you have to knead it just two or three times, to knock a bit of the air out. Then, shape the dough into an oval, and place on a baking tray that’s been lined with parchment paper. Leave it once again – covered in a tea towel so as to ensure a dry crust doesn’t form on your dough – to grow and double in size for about 45 minutes or an hour, depending on how hot your kitchen is. This will give you two the chance to come up with and agree upon a name for your lovely dough child. About ten minutes before it is finishing its rest, preheat the oven to 200C fan, gas mark 6, and start making the coating. This is what will give the bread it’s signature tiger pattern-like crust. Simply whisk together all the ingredients until it becomes a spreadable paste, adding more flour or water if necessary. If you don’t have rice flour, you can just put some rice in the blender until it becomes fine and powdery and use it. Even if you do have rice flour, it’s fun to blend rice! Leave it to sit for five minutes, and then spread it in an even layer over your burgeoning loaf. Bake the loaf for 35 minutes and allow it to cool for as long as you can wait before slicing into it. Enjoy with jam, or good olive oil, or whatever you have lying around. Or maybe just on its own – the bread will speak for itself. • 500g strong white bread flour, plus extra for kneading • 7g sachet fast action yeast • 1½ tsp caster sugar • 1½ tsp fine sea salt • 300-350ml warm water • vegetable oil, for the bowl For the topping • 90g rice flour • ½ x 7g sachet fast action yeast • ¼ tsp salt • 1 tsp golden caster sugar • ½ tbsp toasted sesame oil • 90ml warm water