Horoscopes

Vanessa Tang is on the run from several angry Enlightenment astronomers

Aries You’ve emailed the Works team to no avail. In these COVID times, no one wants to come in and rescue you. Besides, no one believes you. But we know. It isn’t the creaking of the pipes. It isn’t your neighbour opening their drawers. It is among us. It is too late.

Taurus I’m really scared of you.

Gemini You will receive a knock at your door. It won’t be trick or treaters.

Cancer Double double toil and trouble / You hate your household bubble

Leo

This Hallowe'en promises to be a full moon. This means you won’t have to buy a costume. Feel free to be your hairy self but remember to eat well before you head out lest your peers start looking particularly tasty.

Virgo Everyone has been talking about what you did. Haven’t you noticed them looking at you as you walk in hall? Personally, I still kind of like you if that is any consolation.

Libra Stop eating out. Stop it. Stop. It.

Scorpio There are a lot of ways to get your work done quickly. Personally, I recommend witchcraft. You will need: a lock of your supervisors hair, the blood of a mathmo, and a splash of trinity blue. The spell is available in the Restricted Section of the Trinity Library. Try WC317.21. You’re welcome.

Sagittarius It’s getting darker earlier. Next time you go to

Mainsbury’s buy some lights for your room. Fairy lights. And some tinsel. They’ve got mince pies as well. It’s Christmas now.

Capricorn Please get a better costume than last year. You can’t just put on glasses and call it a day.

Aquarius In the cards for you are the Five of Swords, the Queen of Cups, and The Fool. I don’t usually believe this kind of stuff but judging by the last one I think I’ve really got you this time.

Pisces You aren’t going to be able to carve pumpkins this year. Maybe you should stop bringing that knife everywhere around with you. It is starting to get weird…