Breaking the cycle of striving for perfection

We all want perfect takeoffs and landings. We need perfectionism in our air travel, and that is understandable. However, did you know that trying to achieve flawlessness in our everyday lives is holding us back from success and the enjoyment of life?

Perfectionism kills both creativity and productivity, yet many people would consider themselves on the right track if they were perfect. They would brag about being a perfectionist in job interviews, or with their friends. Working tirelessly to achieve this mythical thing: ‘perfectionism’. Yet ‘perfect’ does not really exist. Making it your goal is akin to making the proverbial pot of gold at the end of a rainbow your goal.

Let us look for a moment at the detrimental effects that being perfect has on your mental wellbeing. Studies have shown that people who strive for perfectionism fall victim to unreachable, rigid standards and negative self-evaluation. The self-criticism that goes hand in hand with the constant need to be flawless has serious consequences. When you spend your life being hard on yourself, all you end up doing is breaking yourself down. This is not a good place to start from if you want to achieve anything in life.

People with disorders such as obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), social anxiety disorder and panic disorder are more prone to striving for perfectionism. Sadly, it is the need to be perfect that exacerbates these disorders.

The need to be faultless comes about when you attempt to live up to an internal idea or concept about how life should be. The problem is, it is one-dimensional (only your view of should) and it is motivated by fear and worry as to how others perceive you. These are not drivers of mental wellbeing.

This poses the question: if you are stuck in a cycle of wanting everything in your life to be flawless and breaking yourself down when it is not, how do you get out of it? The solution to break this cycle does require a bit of effort, but it is very worth it.

First, we need to recognise that perfectionism thinking is negative thinking that goes hand in hand with self-criticism and habitual negativity.

With all-negative thinking, the first step to break free is to be able to identify the thoughts. When we can see them for what they are, we can look at reframing them in our minds. For example, if we start feeling like a failure when things do not go our way, we can stop and look at this feeling. Notice it. Recognise that you cannot be a failure because things are not as you wish them to be. You can only be a failure when you stop trying. If you are trying, you are not a failure. Then reframe your thinking, taking heed of the fact that each downfall is an opportunity to learn. Without these learning opportunities we could never grow and be better in the future.

Another fantastic way to reset yourself and chase out thoughts of perfectionism is to practise mindfulness. By increasing self-awareness through mindfulness you can more easily identify when your thought patterns are slipping into the realm of negativity. This helps us to face our faulty ideals of perfectionism without reacting to them. It also helps us to steer our thoughts towards something more productive and useful than any amount of self-loathing could ever offer us.

One of the fastest ways to eliminate perfectionism in your life is to improve your self-esteem. Accepting yourself as you are will not only help with the need to be flawless but will also improve your day-to-day living. By improving your overall opinion of yourself you will realise that you are not your mistakes. Learning to love and believe in yourself, no matter the circumstances you face, is a major success all on its own.

It is okay not to be perfect, nobody actually is. It is okay to make mistakes – as long as you learn from them. You deserve to give yourself a break. You, like all of us, can be your own worst enemy or your greatest ally. It is up to you to decide which you want to be.

Kirsty Watermeyer